13 Ghosts

From Wikiquote

13 Ghosts is a 1960 horror film that takes place at an inherited haunted house.

Directed by William Castle and written by Robb White.

After the lawyer gets sliced into two pieces by sliding glass doors:

Q: Where's the lawyer? A: He split.

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Raftkin: I'm getting my ass out of a big glass house!

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Raftkin: In case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit of a freak! I get within 10 feet of anything dead, and I go into seizures. I touch anyone and a whole lifetime of shit just flashes in front of my eyes! So yeah, I'm a little depraved!

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Maggie: This is it for me. I'm on the first fuckin' plane back to Newark. Uh-uh. I am sorry, family, Kathy, Bobby, uncle , ghosts. I am sick of this nanny shit. I've had it. This was not in the job description. I QUIT!

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Dennis Rafkin: [Dennis notices multiple of the ectoplasmic doors are open] What the hell? Give me those!

[Dennis takes Maggie's glasses]

Dennis Rafkin: Let me see. Why are these open? I was down here before. They weren't open.

[the Hammer spikes the ectoplasmic wall frame with his hammer]

Dennis Rafkin: Oh, God! I hate it when they do that!

Maggie: Do what?

Dennis Rafkin: They wait for your to stick your FACE right up against the glass! And then give you a big, fat "boo"!

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Raftkin: Oh. Oh boy.

Maggie: What?

Raftkin: Uh, that's the symbol of The Jackal.

Maggie: What's The Jackal?

Raftkin: The Jackal is the Charlie Manson of ghosts. And if The Jackal's out, screw the kid! We gotta get out of this basement!

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Maggie: [The Angry Princess walks toward Maggie with a butcher knife] Where? I can't see shit without the glasses, idiot!

Raftkin:...Well, I can see. And I think you should go this way. Go, go, go, go!

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Kalina: We have 10 minutes until te ectoplasmic shit hits the fan.

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Raftkin: [Arthur is starting to decend down the steps to the basement] What are you doing? What did I say? Did I say there's a petting zoo downstairs? Nooo, there are ghosts downstairs, Arthur.

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Raftkin: There are ghosts in the basement!

Maggie: This basment?

Raftkin: Of course this basement! What is with you people? If it was the basement next door I wouldn't give a shit, would I?

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Raftkin: [Rafkin psychically probes the junkyard, then yells out in pain] You son of a bitch! You said he only killed 9 people! There's over 40 victims here!

Cyrus: Nine when he was alive, he's added a few since then.

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Maggie: [in background talking to herself] Stuck in here, bunch of crazy white people...

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Kalina: Who are you to play god?

Cyrus: Playing is for children.

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Maggie: Bobby,don't call your sister a slut.

Kathy: Thank you, Maggie.

Maggie: I prefer the term 'bitch'.

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Arthur: He wasn't too popular. My dad said he squandered the family fortune.

Kathy: We have a family fortune?

Arthur: Well, no. Cyrus squandered it.

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Maggie: Hey Bobby, isn't that great? You got a late uncle.

Bobby: What's he late for?

Kathy: His next birthday.

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Raftkin: I know this is gonna sound completely whacked, but just- just stay with me, okay? I used to hunt displaced spirtual energies with your uncle.

Arthur: I'm sorry?

Raftkin: Uhh, P.K. agents. Revenants. Uh, uh, uh - Like wraiths. Wraiths? Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?

Arthur: [chuckling nervously and shaking his head "No"] Uhh...

Raftkin: That's okay - that's okay. I'll do it the easy way. Ghosts. I used to hunt ghosts with your uncle Cyrus.

Arthur: [After a long pause] Goats?

Raftkin: GHOSTS! Ghosts! Goddamnit, listen to me!

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Arthur: I told them not to leave this spot.

Raftkin: What do you expect? They're kids.

Arthur: Well thank you, Dr. Phil.

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Raftkin: Hey Glass Family Robinson! You're wasting your breath! This is ectobar glass, it's soundproof.

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Raftkin: Oh Cyrus, you crazy son of a bitch. What did you do?

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- Raftkin: I hate this job.

Kalina: It doesn't seem to like you much either. Wonder why.

Raftkin: If you have something to say, just say it.

Kalina: Oh okay then...why don't we start with: THIS IS ALL YOUR GODDAMN FAULT! If you didn't catch them we wouldn't be running from them!

Raftkin: It's his uncle that built the damn house!

Kalina: Yeah, but you helped him! How could you help him without knowing what he was doing?

Raftkin: I had my reasons.

Kalina: Money, you parasite! You stole people's souls for money. How depraved is that?

Rafkin: If you hadn't noticed. I'm a little bit of a freak! I come within ten feet of anything dead I go into seizures. I touch somebody and a whole life full of shit flashes in front of my eyes; alright so yeah I'm depraved and Cyrus was my friend and he accepted me so...

Kalina: He did't accept you, you're so pathetic! He used you!

Arthur: Shut up, both of you. Cut him some slack. What difference does it make?

Kalina: You didn't tell him, did you?

Arthur: Oh god, tell me what, what now?

Kalina: About the fourth ghost.

Raftkin: No, don't do this. I didn't tell him. Don't do this.

Kalina: He has a right to know!

Raftkin: What about the fourth ghost?

Kalina: St. Luke's hospital, six months ago.

Arthur: You're saying my wife's spirit is trapped in this house?

Raftkin: I didn't know you. I didn't know her. I didn't know she had a husband.

Arthur: Why in God's name? Why? Tell me why her!

Raftkin: I don't know why. Cyrus handpicked them all, including your wife. When I found out who you were, God, I've been trying to help you.

Arthur: You call this help? She's right, this is all your goddamn fault!

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Ben Moss: Now he's gonna tell you that Cyrus owed him money.

Raftkin: He did owe me money. HE OWED ME A SHITLOAD OF MONEY!