2 Stupid Dogs
From Wikiquote
2 Stupid Dogs is an American animated television series created by Donovan Cook and produced by Hanna-Barbera Cartoons and Turner Program Services that originally ran from September 11, 1993 to January 21, 1995 on TBS. It is about about a big dog and a little dog, and their everyday misadventures.
Contents |
[edit] Little Dog
- Ball!
- Ugh! It tastes like caca!!
- Cat! [woman screams and he faints]
- CORN!!!!
- It's not fake, it's CHEESECAKE!
- Ice cream, ice cream! I got my ice cream! It's not a dream! What a team, just me and my ice cream!
- My bone, my bone! I found... my bone! I'm not... alone, cuz I found... my bone!
- The bucket! The bucket! Spit... in... the... BUCKET!
- I thought Lincoln was shot.
- The shoe! The shoe! Take off the shoe!
- Don't worry, there's plenty of hamsters in the sea... I just hope they can swim!
- Hey, I can wake him up! [grabs drum off screen] This should do it! Of course, I should be careful not to disturb him.
- Scare the cat! Scare the cat! Don't go back to sleep! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
- Yea! That's us! We're next! We're so next! I'm not vexed, 'cause we're next!
[edit] Big Dog
- Where's the food?
- Food.
- Okay.
- Woof! [usually a low bark that stops a cat or human stone-cold]
- I’m feeling out of touch with the natural way of doing things.
- I learned I like to shake.
- FUDGIE SCOUT COOKIES!
- Where are the trees?!?!?!
- Stick with me, kid - I'm on a roll.
- Mailman!
- Whoa whoa whoa, whoa whoa. Is this really the best way to cope with the complex emotions you're experiencing? You've clearly reshaped your external reality to justify your internal desire for conflict resolution. Don't turn to outward violence. Turn to inner strength.
- I did it! I did it! I solved the puzzle! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
- 14, red.
- HEY! SHE AIN'T NO RAT, MAN!
[edit] Hollywood
- Awwww, ain't that cute... BUT IT'S WROOOOOOOOOOONG!!!! [foghorn]
- Ain't that cute... come on, I'll show you around, [He walks out of frame. A few seconds later he returns.] HA! Thought I was going to say it was wrong, didn't ya? But I'm not gonna do it.
- Now that was real cute... BUT IT'S WROOOOOOOOOONG!!!! [foghorn]
- Not bad... BUT IT'S STILL WROOOOOOOOONG!!!! [foghorn]
- A, B, C, [gets electrocuted] Hmmmmm... A, B, C, [gets electrocuted again] Hmmm. [looks in a dictionary] A is for apple, B is for bear, C is for.. [gets another electric shock then gets very angry] "A! B! [gets electrocuted before he can say C] HEY! I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO "C"! [gets electrocuted again]
- [after punching out the singing cat] Sorry, them cats get a little Broadway every once and a while, know what I mean?
- I love nature.
- ANYBODY HERRRRRRRRRRRRRE!!!!
- Am I home yet?
- You were the finest monkey I ever had. Neat, clean, and you could poop on command!
- Oh Pipi, it's my fault that you're gone. I shoulda never taught you how to drive on the freeway.
- It's Pipi! He's ALIVE!
- Now listen to me and listen to me good![gets his head sucked in with the pig to Big Dog's mouth] Thou shall not eat me! Thou shall not eat me!
- I love the smell of fresh fertilzer in the morning.
- Listenest to my word and listenest good! Thou shalt not eat the other animals!
- Well, isn't that cute... [sees two wild lions in front of him] LIONS!
- Union break!
- Congratulations, gentlemen! You just won $40 million in loose change! How do you feel?
- Here at the High Rollers Casino, we have a saying. Your winnings are our winnings! At least we hope they'll be!
- You're in the army now, private...uh...Ida Know!
- Be all you can be, son. But please, be it somewhere else!
- Sorry, them cats get a little Broadway every once in a while.
[edit] Miscellaneous Characters
- Red: Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!
- Bully kid: WHAT A FOULER!
- Kenny: She talked to me! She talked to me! I can't believe we actually touched! Buffy Zigenhagen actually likes me!
- Post Office worker: Get off me, you big lug! [pushes big dog off] Sheesh! I can handle the rain, snow, sleet, dead of night, and these stupid knee socks, FINE! BUT NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A BIG DROOLING DOG!
- Post Office worker: Finally, after all the long hours of disrespect, and that awful tasty paste you get on your tongue...[pulls out missle]...it's time to end it, once and for all! PREPARE TO DIE!
- Cubby: Good afternoon, postal customers. And welcome to the fun-derful world of...[sings] POSTAGE! [in normal voice] How may I help you?
- Old Lady: [playing a slot machine] Oh no! Stupid cherries!
- Buffy Zigenhagen: AAAH! A frog! [pause] AAAH! A KENNY!
[edit] Dialogue
- Hollywood: Sorry, boys! This is a closed set!
- Little Dog: We're here for the part.
- Hollywood: The part? Oh, right. The part. Well, it's about time you showed up! This here's a big Hollywood-type movie production. Every minute wasted is a million dollars down the drain! [watch beeps] UNION BREAK!
- Hollywood: Now wasn't that cute... BUT IT'S...
- Little Dog: [sees a pineapple] FOOD!
- Little Dog: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Why did you wake me up?
- Big Dog: So we can wake up.
- Little Dog: Well, if you didn’t wake me up, I might’ve had a nightmare and it would’ve woke me up. Then, I could've woke you up, and we’d both… be… awake. But since you did wake me up, I can’t wake up from this nightmare so I can’t wake you up! So we’re both still asleep.
- Big Dog: What?
- Little Dog: You’re right. And when you’re right, you’re right. And you’re right, right?
- Big Dog: Right.
- Psychiatrist: Let's move on to the ink blot test. [shows ink blot] What do you see?
- Little Dog: Ball!
- Big Dog: Food.
- Psychiatrist: And this one?
- Little Dog: Ball!
- Big Dog: Food.
- Psychiatrist: Hmmmm... and this one? [shows a picture of food and a ball]
- Both dogs: Uuuuhhhhhhmmmmmmmm....
- Psychiatrist: Ack! [slams pictures on his desk] You dogs are entirely too stupid to qualify! STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!
- Little Dog: But we need a dollar!
- Psychiatrist: Don't expect to earn any money here, until you've had professional psychiactric help. At least $5,000 worth.
- Big Dog: $5,000?!
- Little Dog: Come on! We gotta get $5,000!
- [Big Dog groans]
- Big Dog: Look out for the auto-mo-biles!
- Little Dog: What automobiles?
- Big Dog: The auto-mo-biles that are about to HIT you!
- Buck Biggs: Earning money is easy! Just look at me! I'm a mega-trillionaire five times over! How did I do it? By selling Nifty Slick all-purpose vinyl cleaner...and real estate.
- Little Dog: We need $5,000.
- Buck Biggs: $5,000? Why, that's lunch money to me, friend. Last year I earned $5,000 every second.
- Little Dog: We have a second.
- Buck Biggs: Good. Then you two can learn my secret for making big bucks. It's so easy! All you do is follow my patented step-by-step method.
- [Big Dog has walked into the bank]
- Big Dog: [to teller] Give me $10,000.
- Teller: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! A BANK ROBBER!
- [She presses the button to activate the alarm and the customers start to panic.]
- Little Dog: Let's get out of here! Somebody's robbing the place!
- [The dogs leave as the police arrive]
- Teller: [to sketch artist] He was big and hairy, with a big, fulfid, purple nose!
- Sketch Arist: [reveals picture of Big Dog] Like this, ma'am?
- Teller: That's him!
- Little Dog: $10,000! Where are we going to get $10,000? Where? Where? Where?
- Big Dog: [motions towards wanted poster of himself] That looks just like me.
- Little Dog: [after looking at the poster and Big Dog] Hmmm.
- [A devilish version of Little Dog pops up on one side of his face]
- Little Dog: Huh?
- Devilish Little Dog: Turn him in! You gotta get $10,000!
- [An angelic version of Little Dog pops up on the other side of his face]
- Little Dog: What?
- Angelic Little Dog: Yes, turn him in. You must have $10,000.
- [Both disappear]
- Little Dog: Okay!
- [The camera cuts to show Little Dog walking away from the police station with $10,000, receiving $5,000 from Buck Biggs, receiving $1 from the psychiatrist, and back to the change machine, where he puts the dollar in. 4 quarters come out and he grabs one.]
- Little Dog: A quarter!
- [Little Dog walks to the payphone and puts the quarter in it, then dials the number connecting him to the cell Big Dog has been imprisoned in.]
- Big Dog: Hello?
- Little Dog: Hi! How you doing?
- Big Dog: Not so good.
- Cell Mate: Ah, puppy!
- Big Dog: GET ME OUT OF HERE!
- Little Dog: [with a can in his mouth] I got your can.
- Big Dog: What?
- Little Dog: [with the can in his mouth] I said, "I got your can!"
- Big Dog: I can't understand you with that can in your mouth.
- Little Dog: [growls with the can still in his mouth then spits it out] I said, "I got your can!"
- [Both end up in a dump]
- Little Dog: I want the toilet seat!
- Big Dog: I want the toilet seat.
- Little Dog: Stop arguing with me!
- Big Dog: I'm not arguing with you.
- Little Dog: We're gonna be here all night!
- Big Dog: It's not night, it's day.
- Little Dog: It's night!
- Big Dog: It's day.
- Little Dog: We're never gonna stop!
- Big Dog: Yes we are.
- Little Dog: No we're not!
- Big Dog: Yes we are.
- Little Dog: No we're not!
- Big Dog: Uh-huh.
- Big Dog:Better start talking or I'll....
- Little Dog: Hey! It's not my fault you gotta go at 3:00 in the morning! What am I, your mother's keeper?!
- [Big Dog grabs a brush]
- Little Dog: What are you gonna do with that?
- Big Dog: I'm going to groom you.
- Little Dog: Who? Me?
- Big Dog: No, your mother's keeper. I'm going to groom you until you're smooth and pink.
- Little Dog: Put that down or I'll.... wet you down like a greased monkey with one of these guys!
- [Both prepare for a duel]
- Little Dog: Okay! Let's go down town! You and me! [fires his weapon, blue ink comes out to hit Big Dog's sharp tooth] What have I done?
- Big Dog: You got me. [his face falls in the toilet]
- Big Dog: Pie.
- Little Dog: Pie? It is pie! I love pie! Where is it? Where is it? [Sits down] Where's the pie?
- Big Dog: It's in the sky. [stares at Pie-shaped restaurant on top of a tall building]
- Little Dog: Oh my, that's pretty high!
- Big Dog: We still have to try.
- Little Dog: [dogs walk past a bellhop] Hi!
- Martha: The fork goes on the left, like this.
- Craig: Uh-uh, the right.
- Martha: Left!
- Craig: Right!
- Martha: Left!!
- Craig: RIGHT!!
- Martha: LEFT!!! OUCH!!! MOM!!! Craig isn't setting the table right!!
- Little Dog: Man! We've been waiting in this line forever! How long is this going to take? We don't have all day, you know. Well, actually, we do have all day. BUT I HATE STANDING IN LINES! LINES! LINES! LINES! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I HATE WAITING IN LINES!
- [ding]
- Post Office worker: Next!
- Little Dog: Whoo-hoo! [pulls out a party favor] Yippie! That's us! Yes! We're next! We're so next! I'm not vexed, 'cause we're next!
- Cubby: Good afternoon, postal customers. And welcome to the fun-derful world of...[sings] POSTAGE! [in normal voice] How may I help you?
- Little Dog: We want some stamps.
- Cubby: Well, we have first class, third class, no class, same day, next day, yesterday, air mail, express mail, no mail, young Elvis, Old Elvis, and my personal favorite...[sings] TOOTHBRUSHES THROUGH TIME! [in normal voice] Yes, to satisfy that philatellic urge in you, it's true! Stamp collecting is a fascinating happy, enjoyed by more than 22 million Americans. So what's your pleasure?
- Big Dog: Food stamps!
- Little Dog: Yeah! Food stamps!
- Cubby: Oh! I just happen to have 2 remaining sheets of the commerative Olympic wiener stamps! [pulls out sheets]
- Little Dog: We'll take them! [grabs sheets]
- Big Dog: We need French Fries!
- Little Dog: Where do we get those?
- Big Dog: France?
- Little Dog: [to Cubby] Hey! How do we get to France?
- Cubby: Air mail!
- [Cubby takes a stamp and stamps the dogs' heads. It reads "AIR" on Little Dog's head and "MAIL" on Big Dogs head.]
- Little Dog: Well, here we are.
- Big Dog: Where's the pie?
- Little Dog: It must be around here somwhere.
- Hollywood: [stomps] YOU!... [dogs panic] ...look like the guys who could use this, the Handy Dandy Little Gem Racket Set! Ain't she a beaut? [claps hand over head as if he just had a flash of insight] What am I saying? How could I have been so foolish? Why, I can tell you just by looking at you that you guys are not ordinary do-it-yourself-ers.
- Little Dog: We're not?
- Hollywood: Course not! [clears throat] What discriminating shoppers like you need is, the Handy Dandy BIGGER Gem Racket Set! Dazzling, ain't it? Look at all them shiny bits! What do you think?
- Little Dog: Acutally, we wanted some pie.
- Hollywood: I know exactly what you mean! You want something more substantial!
- Little Dog: It's nice, but...
- Hollywood: Still not satisified? Maybe this will appeal to your own handyman needs! The Super Deluxe Ultra Rachet! Comes with 22,000 chromeium-plated gold pieces! What more could you want?
- Big Dog: [to Little Dog] Where's the pie?
- Little Dog: Oh, yeah! [to Hollywood] How do we get to the Pie in the Sky Restaurant?
- Hollywood: EASY! Just say, "charge it."
- Little Dog and Big Dog: Charge it!
- Post Office worker: Finally, after all the long hours of disrespect and that awful pasty paste you get on your tongue...[pulls out missile]...it's time to end it, once and for all! [holds missile up in the air] PREPARE TO DIE!
- Big Dog: Whoa whoa whoa, whoa whoa. Is this really the best way to cope with the complex emotions you're experiencing? You've clearly reshaped your external reality to justify your internal desire for conflict resolution. Don't turn to outward violence. Turn to inner strength.
- Post Office worker: [puts down missile and hugs Big Dog] You're right! Oh! It's all so clear now! Thank you! Thank you so much! Why, today is the first day of the rest of my life! [grabs missile and walks happily out the door, then trips] Whoops! [missile explodes]
