7th Heaven

7th Heaven is a U.S. television series about a minister's family living in the fictional town of Glenoak in California.

Season 1

Anything You Want

Annie Camden: Have you ever heard "for everything there is a season"? "A time to..." uhh...hmm..."a time to--" do something or other. The point is that you just have to let nature take its course. You can't hurry these things.

---

Simon Camden: You know, "dog" is "God" spelled backwards.

---

Eric Camden: (about the kids) Why is it that they like your parents and not mine?

Annie Camden: Because my parents are better.

---

Annie Camden: (to Eric) You wanna talk dog with Simon or puberty with Lucy?

---

Eric: So you took up plumbing when we were pregnant with Simon?

Annie: No, Electrical and Plumbing was Mary, Simon was Ethnic Cooking

---

Mary: (referring to kissing) The point is, I don't know where my hands go or his hands or my face or his face or his lips or my lips, and I don't want it to be awkward, couldn't you just show me so I have some experience.

Matt: Don't kiss me.

Mary: Would you stop, I'm not gonna kiss you. Ok, so do I touch his face with my hands. (Mary moves her hand toward his face)

Matt: No, look if anybody touches face, he touches your face or maybe he doesn't, I don't know.

Mary: (starts moving toward a kiss) So I close my eyes and... (Eric sees Mary trying to kiss Matt)

Matt: Oh Dad, this isn't what it looks like.

Eric: That's a relief.

Family Secrets

Annie: (to Ruthie) Do you have Daddy's shoes honey?

Eric: You know Daddy really needs his shoes so if you have them (Ruthie smiles and runs away)....I'll wear my good ones. Have you seen my keys?

Annie: On the counter.

Eric: On the counter....and uh...my wedding ring?

Annie: Bathroom sink.

Eric: Oh. Good. Now all I need to do is find the list of people that I'm supposed to visit...(Annie hands him the list) Thanks.

Annie: I don't know what you'd do without me.

Eric: (kissing her) A lot less of this.

Annie: You know what I was thinking?

Eric: That once we get Ruthie in school we can walk around naked again?

Annie: (smiling) No...

Eric: But we could. (Annie nods)

---

Mary: Okay let's look at the facts as we know them. Fact: He said he was going to the library.

Lucy: Fact: He never goes to the library.

Mary: Fact: He stayed out all night long

Lucy: Fact: He was probably with a girl.

Mary: Okay...that's not a fact but it's a safe guess let's just assume. Assumption: He spent the night with the girl.

Lucy: Assumption: He made out with her all night long.

Mary: Fact: You are way too young for me to be playing this game with you now go get ready for school.

---

Eric: So many questions I don't know where to start. Why don't we try where were you?

Matt: I was at a friend's.

Eric: What friend?

Matt: Just a friend, you don't know her.

Eric: Oh it's a her? That's interesting. Have you completely lost your mind? You stupid idiot

---

Simon: Now Ruthie this is an adult conversation.

---

Ruthie: What are we doing?

Mary: Nothing sleepyhead. Come here.

Ruthie: Are we in trouble?

Lucy: What makes you think somebody's in trouble?

Ruthie: Because I went down to the kitchen and Daddy just said, "Good morning".

Mary: So?

Ruthie: He usually says, "Good morning, Pumpkin!"

Lucy: He probably just forgot.

Ruthie: He always forgets when someone's in trouble.

Mary: Well, it's Matt but you don't have to worry because it's not any real big trouble.

Ruthie: I think it is

---

Simon: Well, Matt I've been thinking...

Matt: Well, don't do that you might hurt yourself.

---

Eric: I've got three daughters myself.

Mr. Nicholson: Yeah, any of them pregnant? (slams the door in his face)

In the Blink of an Eye

Lucy: You remember my dad?

Jimmy: Oh yeah, the God guy.

Eric: Yeah, I see how you charmed my daughter.

---

Matt: I'm sorry, Dad. I'm a total screw-up.

Eric: (before lovingly embracing his son) Not total.

---

Matt: I'm a total idiot.

Grandma Jenny: Hey, that's my grandson you're talking about! And he's not an idiot. He's just a 16-year-old kid trying to make his way in the world.

Matt: How long will that take?

Grandma Jenny: Well, if he's anything like his grandmother it may take fifty or sixty years.

---

Ruthie: Do you guys need anything? It's not 5:00 yet.

Mary: So?

Ruthie: Simon says I'm responsible for everything before 5:00.

Mary: Yeah, well, go tell Simon nice try, but you're not his personal valet.

Ruthie: Okay!

Later that day

Simon: That's it, pack it up sister, you're out of here!

Ruthie: No, I'm not your personal ballet!

---

Annie: When did you start drinking wine?

Charles and Jenny: Yesterday.

---

Matt: (to cop) No Officer I wasn't drinking.

Cop: Well, that's an interesting cologne you're wearing. Step outside.

---

Eric: (to Mary) So what are you and Jeff doing tonight? (Mary stares at him) That's right I'm prying. It's my job, my duty, my life.

Mary: Oh I don't know. We really don't have any plans, we might just drop by a party or something.

Eric: Whose party?

Annie: Have we met these people?

Mary: I don't think so.

Eric: Is it just for older kids?

Mary: I don't know.

Annie: Is alcohol allowed?

Eric: Will the parents be home?

Mary: I'm not sure, it's just a party. It's not like the guy throwing it handed out his biography.

Eric: That would be autobiography and if he had you might have had a shot at going.

Mary: Dad!

Eric: Sorry kiddo, not gonna happen.

Mary: What am I supposed to tell Jeff?

Annie: The truth. That we said no.

Eric: He knows who your parents are.

Mary: Yeah, the people trying to ruin my life! Stomps off

Eric: Not only trying, but sometimes succeeding.

---

Jenny: (in Annie's dream) I love you Annie but I have to go now

Annie: Mom? (goes into hallway)

Charles: I'm sorry Annie, she's passed on. She's gone. (Annie sobs into Charles's chest, Eric holds her)

No Funerals and a Wedding

Eric: Alone at last!

Annie: Worth the wait!

Eric: I'm glad to hear you say that!

---

Eric: (At Steve and Susan's wedding) You may now...(Steve and Susan start kissing) ...continue kissing the bride.

---

Ruthie: Mommy? Can we sing Grandma's song now?

Annie: Yes, sweetie. Tell you what. We'll go upstairs, we'll wash our faces, we'll get into our jammies, and I'll sing you Grandma's song.

---

Annie: Did Renee have her baby?

Matt: Yeah, she had a little girl.

Simon: Cool.

Matt: Oh, and get this, Mom. You'll love this. She named the baby after Grandma.

Simon: She named the baby Grandma?

Matt: Her name was Jenny, Simon.

Simon: Oh. I had no idea. [edit]

---

Steve: I'm a tortured man because...I'm a Bigamist!

Eric: Well, I have good news. She can't divorce you, you're not legally married.

---

Eric: Hey, Luce, have you seen your mom?

Lucy: (shakes her head) Not lately.

Eric: (walking over to Lucy sitting down in the hallway) Hey, how's my little girl?

Lucy: Not so good.

---

Simon: (just waking up) Hey where's Grandpa?

Eric: I'm sorry Simon but...he's gone.

Simon: Wow him too?

Eric: No, to Phoenix, Simon he went back to Phoenix.

Simon: (chuckling) Oh. I thought you meant---

Matt: Come on Simon let's go.

---

Annie: Simon, honey, we've talked about Heaven, remember? It's a place where good people go where they're surrounded by so much love.

Simon: Yeah, but I need to know where that is, Mom.

Annie: Oh. Well, it's...it's up there.

Simon: I was hoping you'd be a little more specific than that.

---

Mrs. Morgan: Where's your father? He's all right, isn't he?

Annie: Oh...um...yes, he is, he just...ah...

Simon: Don't worry, he's not dead, he just went back to Phoenix!

---

Ruthie: Mommy, are you always going to be here?

Annie: What do you mean?

Ruthie: Are you going to pass away like Grandma?

Annie: Someday I will. But not for a very long time, so you shouldn't worry, OK?

Ruthie: OK.

Annie: And I can promise you this. As long as I am here, no matter how old you get, you will always be able to count on me. I will always be there for you no matter what.

Charles: (walks in) Annie?

Annie: Daddy!

Charles: Oh Annie, I wish I had lived up to that same promise you just made to Ruthie.

Annie: We can help each other get through this.

---

Mary: You know Mom? Sometimes when I'm really mad at Daddy...too mad to see him or talk to him...he gets right in my face and makes me tell him what's wrong! It drives me nuts but I feel better after.

Annie: Mary, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't act so mature while I'm trying desperately to feel sorry for myself.

---

Lucy: It's not fair. Grandma should be here. It's like there's a party and she wasn't invited.

Eric: Luce, I know it's weird having all these people here, and all this food, but...it's not really a party. It's just people who cared about your grandma and your mom, who are trying to--

Lucy: I don't mean today, Daddy. I mean life. It's going on without her. It just isn't fair.

---

Annie: I can't believe Daddy.

Eric: He's still in shock. He's not himself.

Annie: No. Unfortunately, he's exactly himself.

---

Simon: Nobody seems to know where you go when you die.

Ruthie: I know where.

Simon: You don't either.

Ruthie: Uh huh!

Simon: Fine, where?

Ruthie: I don't know the name, but I know it's where I was before I was born.

Simon: You were in Mommy's stomach before you were born.

Ruthie: No, before that.

Simon: I don't know where that is. I can't picture Grandma there.

Ruthie: Picture Grandma right here, in your heart.

---

Matt: (about Simon and Ruthie) The munchkins are still conked.

Annie: Oh good, the poor things must be exhausted!

Lucy: So am I!

Mary: Me too. I feel like I could sleep for a week!

Eric: I think it's been a rough time for us all.

Grandpa Charles: (cheerfully) Don't worry, it's all gonna be okay!

Eric: Wouldn't this work better if I were consoling you?

The Color of God

Nigel Hamilton: Please God stop the fires.

---

Mary: Goodnight Keesha, goodnight Lucy.

Lucy: Good night Mary, goodnight Keesha

Keesha: (laughing) This is just like being at the Waltons!

Lucy: Yeah except the Waltons weren't--

Mary & Keesha: Black? Yeah we know.

---

Matt: (to John) Parents! Can't live with 'em, can't live with out 'em.

---

Choices

Matt: You gotta trust me on this, cause when it comes to this kind of stuff, guys don't think like girls.

Mary: I know. I'm sorry.

Matt: Where'd you get that dress?

Mary: (crying) I stole it. I didn't think it was a big deal!

Matt: So you put it on and went to a fraternity party?

Mary: I know, it was stupid. I'm sorry.

Matt: It's OK. But you should know: From now on I'll be watching you like a fox/hawk.

---

(Simon and Ruthie find a $50 bill on the sidewalk)

Ruthie: Maybe we should give it back.

Simon: To who? The sidewalk?

---

Ruthie: How about a little tiny goldfish? They won't be no trouble.

Annie: Any.

Ruthie: Any what?

Annie: A goldfish won't be any trouble.

Ruthie: I know. So can I have one?

Faith, Hope, and the Bottom Line

Simon: Well, I know my phone number when someone asks for it.

Ruthie: And still no one calls.

---

Eric: I just can't go for a security system over a person.

Lou: And that's what makes you a caring, compassionate minister...and a lousy businessman.

It's About George...

The Colonel: Hello.

Jimmy: Hey.

Grandma Ruth: "Hey" is for horses. Are you a farmer, Mr. Moon?

Jimmy: No.

The Colonel: Do you know who I am?

Jimmy: Lucy's grandfather?

The Colonel: I am Colonel John Camden, United States Marines!

---

Julie: I don't think I can do this.

Matt: That's what you need: A warm relationship with your father.

Say Good-bye

Mary: How about this dress?

Lucy: Sure. Whatever. You'll look great.

Mary: Or maybe I could just shave my head?

Lucy: Sure. Whatever. You'll look great

Dangerous Liaisons (1)

Eric: Honey, I think you need to sit down now and try to relax.

Annie: Bite me!

Eric: Bite me?!?

---

Eric: (praying) We thank you for this food, Lord, and...any other help you could pass our way about now would be greatly appreciated, with an eye toward peace and harmony. Amen.

---

Annie: (on the phone with hotel receptionist) Ginger...somebody. What do you mean you don't know? How can you not know? How many "Ginger"s do you have there? Is there a "Ginger" convention in town or something?

---

Simon: (to Matt) When you see Lucy, tell her she never looked better or I'm a dead man!

---

Matt: Wow! What did you do to make your hair look so blonde and...um...beautiful?

Lucy: I'm trying to figure out if you're lying, and if I think you are, I will be killing Simon tonight!

Dangerous Liaisons (2)

Matt: Great. Even with Mary in the hospital, Dad still finds a way to teach me a lesson.

Simon: Well, you've kind of got to admire him for that.

---

Eric: Your hair looks nice, Luce.

Lucy: Nice or sexy?

Eric: Uh....nice. Definitely nice. If my 13-year-old daughter had sexy hair, I'd shave her head

Season 2

My Kinda Guy

[Eric has invited a foreign exchange student to stay.]

Annie: You invited a guest to stay in our house without even consulting me?

Eric: ...I just thought it would be a great cultural experience for the kids, for all of us.

Annie: Well so's a museum, but unfortunately we don't have room for one in our house!

Season 3

In Praise of Women

Annie: (to Eric during labor) Stop touching me! That's what got us in this situation in the first place.

It Happened One Night

Annie: See my tummy? That's you.

Ruthie: Maybe I never should have come out.

Annie: But...look what you would've missed...riding on Daddy's shoulders...and Simon rocking you on the front porch...and Mary...giving you a bath in the kitchen sink.

Ruthie: My butt was a lot smaller then.

Annie: All of our...bottoms were a lot smaller then.

Sometimes That's Just the Way It Is

=== We the Fagets

===

Season 5

One Hundred

Annie: Who would leave a baby on our doorstep?

Ruthie: God.

Annie: That's sweet, but I think God had a little help on this one

---

Robbie: What's that pizza lady's baby doing here?

Annie: You've seen this baby?

Robbie: Yeah, at Pete's Pizza.

Annie: Frankie and Johnny.

Robbie: Yeah, that's her name. Frankie. She works at Pete's and brings the baby in with her sometimes.

Annie: Are you sure this is her?

Robbie: No offense, I know all babies are beautiful, but I'd recognize that head anywhere.

---

Eric: I still can't believe I forgot my birthday!

Ruthie: You're old. Old people forget stuff.

Virgin

Matt: (to Simon and Ruthie) Why is such a terrible question, really. I mean everytime you ask why , a because follows and everytime you say because, another why is asked.

Season 6

Drunk

Simon: Hi. Matt: No, I think you're drunk. Simon: I know; I just found out.

Season 7

I Love Lucy

Lucy: I told you something bad was going to happen. When she's in the middle of her crab legs, it'll suddenly occur to her that Chandler is not the guy for her and she'll find us and...Oh my God. She said he was going to ask her to marry him. Ugh. I hate her. I hate him too. They don't even know each other. Kevin and I know each other. We're in love with each other. We should be getting engaged tonight. Not them. I may look like the crazy person, but they're the crazy people. Crazy people who are going to get married before I do. When I see Kevin, he is so going to get a piece of my heart. He probably knows Chandler is going to propose to her and that's why he is being nice and going through all this trouble.

Kevin Kinkirk: Lucy Camden, will you marry me?

Lucy: [to God] Thank you. [to Kevin] Yes, Kevin Kinkirk, I will marry you.

Life and Death (1)

The show was sued due to a copyright claim of Dick Sweden. To avoid lawsuit, the producers had to include Dick Sweden's script. As seen below.

External links

• 7th Heaven quotes at the Internet Movie Database
• 7th Heaven at TV.com