A Day at the Races

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Theatrical poster for A Day at the Races

A Day at the Races is a 1937 comedy film, starring the Marx Brothers, about a veterinarian posing as a doctor, a race-horse owner and his friends who struggle to help keep a sanitarium open with the help of a misfit race-horse.

Directed by Sam Wood. Written by Robert Pirosh, George Seaton, and George Oppenheimer.

Dr. Hackenbush[edit]

  • [giving a pill to a horse] Take one of those every half mile and call me if there's any change.
  • [after examining Stuffy] Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!
  • [to Stuffy] Hey, don't drink that poison. That's four dollars an ounce.
  • Will you have the bellhop hop up some hop scotch?
  • It's the old, old story. Boy meets girl - Romeo and Juliet - Minneapolis and St. Paul!
  • Emily, I have a little confession to make. I really am a horse doctor. But marry me, and I'll never look at any other horse.

Tony[edit]

  • If she wants a Hackenabuss, she's gonna get a Hackenabuss.

Mrs. Upjohn[edit]

  • I'm going to someone who understands me, I'm going to Dr. Hackenbush!...Why, I didn't know there was a thing the matter with me until I met him.

Dialogue[edit]

Hackenbush: Here boy. Take these bags up to my room, and here's a dime for yourself.
Mrs. Upjohn: Oh, no, no, no. This is Mr. Whitmore, our business manager.
Hackenbush: Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Here's a quarter!

Hackenbush: At the age of fifteen I got a job in a drugstore filling prescriptions.
Whitmore: Don't you have to be twenty-one to fill prescriptions?
Hackenbush: Well, uh, that's for grown-ups. I just fill them for children.

Hackenbush: Oh, well, uh, to begin with I took four years at Vassar.
Mrs. Upjohn: Vassar? But that's a girls' college.
Hackenbush: I found that out the third year. I'd 've been there yet, but I went out for the swimming team.
...
Whitmore: The doctor seems reluctant to discuss his medical experiences.
Hackenbush: Well, medically, my experiences have been most unexciting. Except during the flu epidemic.
Whitmore: Ah, and what happened?
Hackenbush: I got the flu.

[Dr. Hackenbush hands a large pill to Mrs. Upjohn]
Whitmore: Just a minute, Mrs Upjohn. That looks like a horse pill to me.
Hackenbush: Oh, you've taken them before.
Mrs. Upjohn: Are you sure, Doctor, you haven't made a mistake?
Hackenbush: You have nothing to worry about. The last patient I gave one of those to won the Kentucky Derby.
Whitmore: May I examine this, please? Do you actually give those to your patients? Isn't it awfully large for a pill?
Hackenbush: Well, it was too small for a basketball, and I didn't know what to do with it. Say, you're awfully large for a pill yourself.

Tony: Hey, boss! C'mere! Sun-Up is the worst horse on the track!
Hackenbush: I notice he wins all the time.
Tony: Aw, just because he comes in first.
Hackenbush: Well, I don't want 'em any better than first.
...
Tony: Here your ice cream. [offering a hint book for betting on the horses] One dollar and you'll remember me all your life.
Hackenbush: That's the most nauseating proposition I ever had.
[Hackenbush buys the code book])
Tony: Here your ice cream. Tootsie-frootsie ice cream.
[The code book says that horse Z-V-B-X-R-P-L will win the next race. Tony offers a free code book to decode the letters.]
Tony: ...just a one dollar printing charge.
Hackenbush: Well, uh, give me one without printing. I'm sick of printing.
Tony: ...just a two dollar delivery charge.
Hackenbush: What do you mean delivery charge? I'm standing right next to you.
Tony: Well, for such a short distance, I make it a dollar.
Hackenbush: Couldn't I move over here and make it uh - fifty cents?
Tony: Yes, but I'd move over here and make it a dollar just the same.
Hackenbush: [after buying many guidebooks] All I wanted was a horse, not a public library.
...
Hackenbush: [after realizing he was swindled by Tony] Get your Tootsie-Frootsie. Nice ice cream. Nice Tootsie-Frootsie ice cream.

Hackenbush: Record department. Col. Hawkins talkin'.
Whitmore: Col. Hawkins, did you get a wire for me regarding Dr. Hackenbush?
Hackenbush: [Turns on a fan] I'm sorry sir. There's a hurricane blowin' down here, and you have to talk a little louder. Woo! It's certainly the windiest day we ever had! WOO! Certainly is windy!
Whitmore: I want to find out about Dr. HACKENBUSH!
Hackenbush: [turns on the intercom, pulling Whitmore away from the phone] Whitmore you have to cut out that squawking! The patients are all complaining! [on the phone, posing as Colonel Hawkins] ...I hope, sir, that's the information that you require.
Whitmore: I'm sorry, Colonel. I didn't hear it. I was called to the dictagraph.
Hackenbush: What was that you said sir?
Whitmore: [loudly] I was called to the dictagraph....I want to find out something about Hackenbush.
[Whitmore is called to the intercom again.]
Hackenbush: ...And in conclusion, let me say...
Whitmore: I'm sorry Colonel. What was that you said about Hackenbush?
Hackenbush: You mean, Dr. Hackenbush? Oh no. He's not here.
Whitmore: I know he's not there. He's here!
Hackenbush: Then what are you botherin' me for, Yankee?
Whitmore: But I want to know something about his Florida record...Are you sure you're speaking about Hugo Z. Hackenbush?
Hackenbush: Who?
Whitmore: Hugo Z. Hackenbush!
Hackenbush: Who's calling him?
Whitmore: The Standish Sanitarium!
'Hackenbush: Yeah. That's where he works. Yeah. I understand he's doing a mighty fine job up there.
Whitmore: I, I want to get some information regarding his qualifications for the job.
Hackenbush: What job?
Whitmore: As head of the sanitarium!
Hackenbush: Who?
Whitmore: Hackenbush!
Hackenbush: [on the intercom] Whitmore, are you calling me?
Whitmore: No, you sap!
Hackenbush: [on the phone] Yes, now, uh, now what was that name?
Whitmore: Hackenbush! Hackenbush!
Hackenbush: Uh, uh. Well, as soon as he comes in, I'll have him get in touch with you.
Whitmore: [slamming down the phone: No!

Hackenbush: [examining Stuffy with an auriscope] I haven't seen anything like this in years. The last time I saw a head like that was in a bottle of formaldehyde.
Tony: Told you he was sick.
Hackenbush: [pointing to Stuffy's neck] That's all pure desecration along there. He's got about a 15% metabolism, with an overactive thyroid and a glandular affectation of about 3%.
Tony: That's bad.
Hackenbush: With a 1% mentality.
[Stuffy grins]
Hackenbush: He's what we designate as the crummy moronic type. All in all, this is the most gruesome looking piece of blubber I've ever peered at.
Tony: Hey doc. Hey doc!
Hackenbush: Huh?
Tony: You gotta the looking glass turned around, you're looking at yourself.
Hackenbush: I knew it all the time. That was a good joke on all of us, wasn't it?

Flo: Why, I've never been so insulted in my life!
Hackenbush: [after looking at his watch] Well, it's early yet.

Tony: Have you got a woman in here?
Hackenbush: If I haven't, I've wasted thirty minutes of valuable time.

Flo: I want you to hold me. Oh, hold me closer! Closer! Closer!
Hackenbush: If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of ya!

Mrs. Upjohn: Dr. Hackenbush tells me I'm the only case in history. I have high blood pressure on my right side and low blood pressure on my left side.
Steinberg: There is no such thing. She looks as healthy as any woman I ever met.
Hackenbush: You don't look like as though you ever met a healthy woman.

Cast[edit]

External links[edit]

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