Adventure Time is an American animated TV series created by Pendleton Ward. It follows the bizarre adventures of a young hero named Finn and his magical dog named Jake. The season premièred on April 5, 2010.
- 1 Season 1
- 1.1 Slumber Party Panic (1a)
- 1.2 Trouble in Lumpy Space (1b)
- 1.3 Prisoners of Love (2a)
- 1.4 Tree Trunks (2b)
- 1.5 The Enchiridion! (3a)
- 1.6 The Jiggler (3b)
- 1.7 Ricardio the Heart Guy (4a)
- 1.8 Business Time (4b)
- 1.9 My Two Favorite People (5a)
- 1.10 Memories of Boom Boom Mountain (5b)
- 1.11 Wizard (6a)
- 1.12 Evicted! (6b)
- 1.13 City of Thieves (7a)
- 1.14 The Witch's Garden (7b)
- 1.15 What is Life? (8a)
- 1.16 Ocean of Fear (8b)
- 1.17 When Wedding Bells Thaw (9a)
- 1.18 Freak City (9b)
- 1.19 Henchman (10a)
- 1.20 Dungeon (10b)
- 1.21 The Duke (11a)
- 1.22 Donny (11b)
- 1.23 Rainy Day Daydream (12a)
- 1.24 What Have You Done? (12b)
- 1.25 His Hero (13a)
- 1.26 Gut Grinder (13b)
- 2 Season 2
- 2.1 It Came from the Nightosphere (1a)
- 2.2 The Eyes (1b)
- 2.3 Loyalty to the King (2a)
- 2.4 Blood Under the Skin (2b)
- 2.5 Storytelling (3a)
- 2.6 Slow Love (3b)
- 2.7 Power Animal (4a)
- 2.8 Crystals Have Power (4b)
- 2.9 The Other Tarts (5a)
- 2.10 To Cut a Woman's Hair (5b)
- 2.11 The Chamber of Frozen Blades (6a)
- 2.12 Her Parents (6b)
- 2.13 The Pods (7a)
- 2.14 The Silent King (7b)
- 2.15 The Real You (8a)
- 2.16 Guardians of Sunshine (8b)
- 2.17 Death in Bloom (9a)
- 2.18 Susan Strong (9b)
- 2.19 Mystery Train (10a)
- 2.20 Go With Me (10b)
- 2.21 Belly of the Beast (11a)
- 2.22 The Limit (11b)
- 2.23 Video Makers (12a)
- 2.24 Heat Signature (12b)
- 2.25 Mortal Folly (13a)
- 2.26 Mortal Recoil (13b)
- 3 Season 3
- 3.1 Conquest of Cuteness (1a)
- 3.2 Morituri Te Salutamus (1b)
- 3.3 Memory of a Memory (2a)
- 3.4 Hitman (2b)
- 3.5 Too Young (3a)
- 3.6 The Monster (3b)
- 3.7 Still (4a)
- 3.8 Wizard Battle (4b)
- 3.9 Fionna and Cake (5a)
- 3.10 What Was Missing (5b)
- 3.11 Apple Thief (6a)
- 3.12 The Creeps (6b)
- 3.13 From Bad to Worse (7a)
- 3.14 Beautopia (7b)
- 3.15 No One Can Hear You (8a)
- 3.16 Jake vs. Me-Mow (8b)
- 3.17 Thank You (9a)
- 3.18 The New Frontier (9b)
- 3.19 Holly Jolly Secrets Part I (10a)
- 3.20 Holly Jolly Secrets Part II (10b)
- 3.21 Marceline's Closet (11a)
- 3.22 Paper Pete (11b)
- 3.23 Another Way (12a)
- 3.24 Ghost Princess (12b)
- 3.25 Dad's Dungeon (13a)
- 3.26 Incendium (13b)
- 4 Season 4
- 4.1 Hot to the Touch (1a)
- 4.2 Five Short Graybles (1b)
- 4.3 Web Weirdos (2a)
- 4.4 Dream of Love (2b)
- 4.5 Return to the Nightosphere (3a)
- 4.6 Daddy's Little Monster (3b)
- 4.7 In Your Footsteps (4a)
- 4.8 Hug Wolf (4b)
- 4.9 Princess Monster Wife (5a)
- 4.10 Goliad (5b)
- 4.11 Beyond This Earthly Realm (6a)
- 4.12 Gotcha! (6b)
- 4.13 Princess Cookie (7a)
- 4.14 Card Wars (7b)
- 4.15 Sons of Mars (8a)
- 4.16 Burning Low (8b)
- 4.17 BMO Noire (9a)
- 4.18 King Worm (9b)
- 4.19 Lady & Peebles (10a)
- 4.20 You Made Me (10b)
- 4.21 Who Would Win (11a)
- 4.22 Ignition Point (11b)
- 4.23 The Hard Easy (12a)
- 4.24 Reign of Gunters (12b)
- 4.25 I Remember You (13a)
- 4.26 The Lich (13b)
- 5 Season 5
- 5.1 Finn the Human (1a)
- 5.2 Jake the Dog (1b)
- 5.3 Five More Short Graybles (2a)
- 5.4 Up a Tree (2b)
- 5.5 All the Little People (3a)
- 5.6 Jake the Dad (3b)
- 5.7 Davey (4a)
- 5.8 Mystery Dungeon (4b)
- 5.9 All Your Fault (5a)
- 5.10 Little Dude (5b)
- 5.11 Bad Little Boy (6a)
- 5.12 Vault of Bones (6b)
- 5.13 The Great Bird Man (7a)
- 5.14 Simon & Marcy (7b)
- 5.15 A Glitch Is a Glitch (8a)
- 5.16 Puhoy (8b)
- 5.17 BMO Lost (9a)
- 5.18 Princess Potluck (9b)
- 5.19 James Baxter the Horse (10a)
- 5.20 Shh! (10b)
- 5.21 The Suitor (11a)
- 5.22 The Party's Over, Isla de Señorita (11b)
- 5.23 One Last Job (12a)
- 5.24 Another Five More Short Graybles (12b)
- 5.25 Candy Streets (13a)
- 5.26 Wizards Only, Fools (13b)
- 5.27 Sky Witch (15a)
- 5.28 Frost & Fire (15b)
- 5.29 Too Old (16a)
- 5.30 Root Beer Guy (22a)
- 5.31 Betty (24b)
- 5.32 Bad Timing (25a)
- 5.33 Lemonhope Part One (25b)
- 5.34 Lemonhope Part Two (26a)
- 5.35 Billy's Bucket List (26b)
- 6 Season 6
- 7 External Links
Slumber Party Panic (1a)
- Bubblegum: Finn, the Candy People can't know about the zombies!
- Finn: WHA??
- Bubblegum: If they knew, they would flip out!
- Finn: Whaddaya mean, "flip out?"
- Bubblegum: I mean.. they would FLIP OUUUT!!
- Finn: Algebraic!
- Bubblegum: "You promised you wouldn't freakin tell ANYONE!! Aw, you're so cute Finn."
- Finn: MATHEMATICAL!!
- Zombie: Gimme some sugar baby....
- Finn: She just want this slumber party to be super fun, and if I did have something to tell you, then I would in a second, and it would make my life easier, unless there was something stopping me, like a promise, but there isn't, so I won't, so it's cool!
- Finn: If I break a royal promise, I get to fight zombies, throw slumber parties, awake Gumball Guardians, and-and...
- Bubblegum: Alright, alright..
- Finn: AND REVERSE DEATH ITSELF!!!!
- Mr. Cupcake: Jake, truth or dare?
- Jake: Truth!
- Mr. Cupcake: Do you prefer chocolate or fudge?
- Jake: I can't eat chocolate or fudge cos I'm a dog and they'll probably kill me but, hmm.. probably... NEITHER!!
- Finn: Starchy, you're not a zombie.
- Starchy: I can't help it. Flesh is delicious.
- Finn: You're delicious!
- Starchy: He-hey, don't squeeze me, I'll fart! [PWOO!!]
Trouble in Lumpy Space (1b)
- LSP's Dad: Daughter! Have you brought smooth people into our domain!?
- LSP: I.. had to, Dad. I'm trying to help them! SO DON'T LUMPING YELL AT ME!!
- LSP's Mom: WHAT DID YOU SAY!? What did you just say!!?
- LSP: I SAID LUMP OFF, MOM!! GJABLAHGARIHAGLRRR!!!
- Finn: Uhh...
- LSP: WHAT??
- Finn: Vroom-vroom?
- LSP: Oh, yeah. I need to borrow the car.
- LSP's Dad: You had made your mother cry for the last time, Daughter! You are hereby banned from using the royal car! [slam!]
- LSP: Shucks! I lumping hate them!
- Finn: I'LL KILL YOU, LUMPY SPAAAAAAAACE!!!
- Finn: [fully lumpy] Oh yah! Being lumpy is the best!
- Jake: Hey! Stop talkin to yourself, dum guy. Take your bawl and get outta here.
- Finn: Fine. I don't want you to havvit anyways.
- Jake: So I can't havvit now, eh?
- Finn: That's right, it's mine!
- Jake: [beat] Gimme that bawl!!
- Finn: No! You can't havvit!
- Jake: Givvit t' me!
- Finn: No!!
- Jake: I wannit! Givvit t' me!
- Finn: You wannit that bad!? Go get it, then!
- Finn: This doesn't look like Make-out Point.
- Melissa: This is Brad's house. YOU wanted a ride to Make-out Point!? You think I want to make-out with YOU!??
- Finn: Uhhh....
- Melissa: Well, maybe I do, but.... Wait! I have a boyfriend, Finn!!
- Jake: This is... new. S'nothing ominous though, just a bump.
- Lumpy Space Princess: Nah. That's no bump. It's the early stage of the lumps.
- Finn: Is it serious?
- Lumpy Space Princess: It just means he's changing into a lumpy space guy on account of my bite. It's just like uh, y'know... werewolf rules? Hurrurr...
- Lumpy Space Princess: WHATEVERS 2009!
- Finn: Sorry, but Jake's lumpiness is worsening!
- Jake: Actually, I think I'm beating it back with sheer willpower. (PHLAP!!) Oh, my.
- Lumpy Space Princess: BUUUUUMPS.
Prisoners of Love (2a)
Finn: Yeah, there's a big sleeping lava man in our front yard, he is so hot...
Jake: [Hits Finn's arm suggestively] Mmm hmm. Hehe!
[Ice King glares at the two of them.]
Finn: I mean, not like sexy hot, but...
Jake: No, you do mean sexy hot.
Finn: No, I mean...
Ice King: I DON'T CARE!
- Finn: Ice King, don't do this. Just let the girls go. They DON'T want to be here.
- Ice King: Of course they do! I would've killed them already if they didn't want to be here. Right, ladies? Zzz zzz?
- Finn: ICE KING!! YOU HAD BETTER EITHER SET US FREE, OR COME IN HERE AND FIGHT ME!! COS OTHERWISE.. I'M GONNA FLIP OUUT!!!
- Wildberry Princess: I don't think I can...
- Ice King: Just play it like I showed you..
- Finn: Leave her alone, Ice King!
- Ice King: PLAY IT OR I'LL SQUISH YOU INTO JUICE!!!
- Finn: MY FLUTE!!
- Jake: Ohh, nuts dude! You broke it when we tried picking the lock to that sad ogre's heart!
- Finn: Darn it!
(Princesses, Finn, and Jake cheering after they got away from the Ice king)
Slime Princess: Thank you for saving us, Finn!
Finn: You're welcome, Slime princess!
[Picks up slime princess.]
Slime Princess: And remember when you said that you'd... Vow to marry us to that... Thing of heart choosing?
Slime Princess: Weeeell, I'd like to marry youuuuu...[Smiles]
Jake: Oooohhhhhoohhooohoh!!! [Other princesses cheering]
Finn: OH! [Laughs nervously] Well, that- [Whispers] Jake, help me!
Jake: Oh! Aah...Slime Princess, you shouldn't marry Finn, he pees his pants constantly all the time!
[Princesses go 'EEEEWWWW']
Slime Princess: Oh, gross! PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN!
Finn: A-ahhaha, I'm sorry...[Puts slime princess down and turns to Jake] JAKE- Grwaaa![Glares]
Tree Trunks (2b)
- Tree Trunks: A fly landed on my pie! That's no good... [throws it away] Bye bye!
- Finn: Why're you throwing the pie away!? [more flies onto pie]
- Finn and Jake: UGGHH!!!
- Tree Trunks: Flies wanted it... they can HAVE IT....
- Finn: Hey, crystal guardian! Are you okay with Tree Trunks takin' a bite of that apple?
- Jake: I'm okay with it!
- CG Jake: I'm okay with it!
- Jake: And I'm stupid!
- CG Jake: And I'm stupid!
- Tree Trunks: Finn, what would you do if you can do anything?
- Finn: Anything? Well, I'd catch a shooting star and travel to outer space, and fight space monsters!!
- Jake: [muffling] I'd carve my face on the moon, so the moon will look like my face!
- Finn: Jake, I just realised that Tree Trunks is old and bonkers. We can't take her through that evil dark forest!
- Jake: Ahh, she'll be fine, everything's fine.
- Finn: But the monsters!
- Jake: It's faine! It's faine!
- Finn: Are you sure? Cos she has ZERO adventurer training.
- Jake: Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, well it's fine! She'll be fine! Re-re-it's fine, it's fine, it's fine!
- Finn: [laughs] Maybe it is fine.
- Tree Trunks: I did it, I helped! I'm the sexiest adventurer in the world!
- Finn: Tree Trunks! You're not an adventurer! You nearly got yourself killed—AGAIN! Do you wanna die, Tree Trunks?! Is that what you think adventurers do?! DIE AND MAKE ALL THEIR FRIENDS FEEL TERRIBLE 'CUZ THEY COULDN'T SAVE YOU!!?
The Enchiridion! (3a)
- Princess Bubblegum: It's called the Enchiridion. It's a book meant only for heroes whose hearts are RIGHTEOUS. ["PUCHHOO!!"]
- Finn: Shmowzow!
- Princess Bubblegum: The book lies in the top of Mount Cragdoor, guarded by a manly Minotar. It's waiting for a truly righteous hero to claim it!
- Finn: Do you think I've got the goods, Bubblegum? 'Cos I am [pounds floor] INTO THIS STUFF!
- Finn: Bye Princess! Ya know what time it is, buddy?
- Jake: Adventure Time?! [fist bumps Finn]
- Finn: Yeah man!
- Keeper: The key is in you, child, but you can not use your brawn here. The door is MAGICALLY sealed!
- [Finn picks up the Keeper and shoves him into the lock]
- Keeper: You've unlocked the riddle of the door! Ha ha! Brilliantly, young child! Please, reveal to me how you unraveled my clue.
- Finn: I just thought you looked cute stuffed in that lock.
- Keeper: Oh yes, that's how most people get in...
- Jake: Hey, bunk off you gnomes! That kid just save you guys! You should thank him! Not destroy old ladies! Do you even know what I'm talkin' about?! Say thank you! [beat] SAY.. "THANK YOU!"
- Gnome: KILL IT!!
- Jake: WHOA!! [grab the gnomes back into the lava pit] GET BACK IN THERE!!
- Finn: I'm not righteous. I'm wrong-teous! ...Stupid-teous.
- Finn: Give me back my friend!
- Giant: But I killed him already!
- Evil Wizard: Now, as one last LAST trial; SLAY THIS ANT!
- Finn: Is it evil?
- Evil Wizard: No! But it's... not good, either. It's neutral. Will you slay it?
- Finn: ...NO!
- Evil Wizard: If you want the hero's Enchiridion, then slay this unaligned ant!
- Finn: Never... Never.. NEVER!!
- Evil Wizard: Wuh-oh... [Finn kicks the wizard to smoke]
- Keeper: [enters the room] Congratulations, Finn the Human. Now you have truly reached-
- Finn: [punches Keeper in the stomach] Oh no! Mr. Keeper, I'm sorry. Wha- Why are you wearing that little devil costume?
- Keeper: These are my pajamas... I was getting weady for bed...
- Jake: Hey, crack open that book and read something for fun's sake, alright?
- Finn: Oh yeah! Woah.. "How to Kiss Princesses"? Hehehehe...
- Jake: Woooahh! What'd you just read?
- Princess Bubblegum: [appearing in magical globe] 'Yeah, what does it say, Finn? Manish Man won't tell me.'
- Manish Man: Hey, don't tell her, Finn.
- Finn: It doesn't say anything, Princess.
- Princess Bubblegum: 'Manish Man!'
- Finn: Aaaaaahh... [jumps into air] YEAHHH...!
The Jiggler (3b)
- Finn: [synthesized singing] Baby
- Jake: Ooo!
- Finn: I know what you need
- Jake: What's that?
- Finn: You want your little baby socks
For your little baby feet~
- Jake: Whoo!
- Finn: Baby
- Jake: Yeah?
- Finn: I know what you crave
- Jake: Oh yeah, what's that?
- Finn: You want to poop your pants all day long
Well, baby behave!
- Jake: Hey, how can you sing like that, dude?
- Finn: Remember when I swallowed that little computer?
- Jake: Oh yeah.
- Finn: Let's gather him up, Jake! He's all over the place! Even between the floorboards!
- Jake: And the cupboards!
- Finn: AND the galoshes!
Finn: This guy is a pal for life! It looks like he's got two jiggly bellies stuck together.
Jake: I've got that on my back. I call it my butt.
Ricardio the Heart Guy (4a)
- Finn: You stay away from Princess Bubblegum with all that stuff!
- Ricardio: Now that my plan is nearly complete, there is no way you can stop me.
- Finn: I could stop you if I wanted!
- Ricardio: Oh, yeah?
- Finn: YEAH!!
- Ricardio: OH, YEAH!!?
- Finn: YEAHHH!!! YAHH!!!
- Princess Bubblegum: Finn, what the cabbage?
- Finn: Ugh... I feel.. weird...
- Jake: It sounds like you're dealing with some new emotions you don't understand. Like jealousy.
- Finn: BLARRRRG!!!
- Jake: I bet you wish you were my butt.
- Finn: What?
- Jake: I bet you wish YOU were my butt, because then the Princess, y'know... No, wait... I bet you wish YOU were the Ice King and the Princess was my butt!
- Finn: What!?
- Jake: Hm... OH!! I bet you wish Bubblegum would KISS you too! Like the Ice King and my butt!
- Finn: That's ridiculous!
- Princess Bubblegum: You're totally jealous of Ricardio.
- Finn: Not I'm not! I just don't like the way he talks to you. It makes me feel weird.
- Princess Bubblegum: That's jealousy, hon.
- Finn: I'm not jealous! [echo yell] I'M WEIRD!!!
- Jake: Woof, man. This is going bad!
- Jake: You and me, gut, together forever! Solving crimes and making up rhymes!
- Finn: No way! This proves he's a super villain! More powerful than lesser villains, like the Ice King!
- Jake: [sing-song] Your gut says he's evil,
- My gut says he's good!
- Why not put our guts together
- And end this funky feud?
- Ricardio: You were right all along, Finn! Now I'm going to cut out Princess Bubblegum's heart and make out with it.
Business Time (4b)
- Finn: I found another bike, and more computers! What do you got?
- Jake: I keep finding baby shoes! [flamethrows another iceberg] What the heck, man, and they're all lefties!
- LSP: [thru herovision monitor] Oh my gosh! Leave me alone! All I said was "you're ugly", [chased from whipping swamp giant] which is totally true! Somebody help me!
- Jake: YA HEAR THAT GUYS!!? MAYBE I'M RIGHT!!
- Businessman: Really? Job? With... ad-ven-tur-ers?
- Jake: Yeah, mans!
- Jake: Aww... Building this gauntlet dock is hard, man. Hard work sucks!
- Finn: Don't be lazy, Jake.
- Businessman: I'm going to kill you! Not-boss!
- Finn: Wait, man! Wait! I wanna rehire you guys!
- Businessman: Re-HIRE?? Really?!
- Finn: Yeah, mans.
- Finn: I have to say Jake, my sword is totally shiny and stinking sharp!
- Jake: Uh-huh!
- Finn: And my shoes feel different! Not only are they clean—I feel radder, faster, more adequate.
- Jake: Cool!
- Finn: I never knew being fat and lazy was so rewarding!
- Jake: Yeah! Your gut's so huge and mouldable.
- Finn: Hey!
- Jake: Hold on a sec!
- Finn: Hahahaha! Man, that tickles!
- Jake: [moulded to IK] "I'm the Ice King! And I'll never find a bride because I'm such a tool."
- Finn: [laughs] Alright, let me try. [moulds his gut to PB] "I'm Princess Bubblegum, and I'm a dork because I like science! I've also got a really annoying voice that Finn thinks is ATTRACTIVE!!"
- Jake: Ha ha! That's a... Wait, what'd you say?
My Two Favorite People (5a)
- Jake: Anyone have a joke?
- Finn: Oh, I have a joke! Okay, okay. Knock knock!
- Lady Rainicorn: Nuguseyo? (Who's there?)
- Jake: She said, "who's there?"
- Finn: Diarrhea!
- Jake: Jyaega seolsalae. (He said, "Diarrhea.")
- Lady Rainicorn: Eo, nado deul-eoss-eo. Mwoya, hanado jaemieobsjanh-a. (Yeah, I know. I don't think it was kinda that funny.) [sips goblet]
- Finn: Did she say "Diarrhea who?"
- Jake: Uh... no. No, she didn't say "Diarrhea who". She didn't. ...Say it.
- Finn: Hey Grandpa, how're you able to fly if you don't have wings?
- Lady Rainicorn: [old man voice] "Well, light travels from the sun, then bounces off of our planet, and back into our eyes so we can perceive color."
- Jake: Whoa!
- Lady Rainicorn: "My body can intercept that light, and dance around on it."
- Jake: Baby, it's a little rocky in the back seat here!
- Finn: [laughs] Shmow! That forest wizard is giving away free power rings!
- Lady Rainicorn: "Do you wanna try gettin' some, Finn?"
- Finn: YEAHS!!
- Finn: Alright, this time, I'm gonna destroy you, Rainicorn!
- Lady Rainicorn: Okay. That sounds nice.
- Jake: I'm sorry I was an idiot. You forgive me?
- Finn: Shut up man, I don't wanna hear that stuff! Let me get in there.
- [Gets in between Lady Rainicorn and Jake]
- Jake: Let's never be stupid again!
- Finn: Wait! Let's always be stupid. Forever!
- [All laugh]
Memories of Boom Boom Mountain (5b)
- Dog: What do you want, baby? Why're you crying? [...] Margaret, this baby won't tell me what's wrong with it and it's stuck to a leaf and it stinks.
- Margaret: Give it here, Joshua. This baby just needs some love and kisses to be happy. Mwah, mwa-mwa-mwah! There, see? Now it's happy.
- Joshua: You just kissed a boom boom baby. So don't expect any more sugar from me, sweetheart, until we wash your dirty, dirty face.
- Wizard: I'M NAKED~!! EHEHEHEHEE!!
- Finn: A long time ago, when I was a baby, I went boom boom on a leaf. (boom boom!) Then I fell backwards (SPLAT!) and sat in my own boom boom. I cried for a day... but no one came to help me. That day I vowed to help anyone in need, no matter how small their problem! And that's why I need to go. [leaves]
- [the marauders all clap and cheer]
- Jake: He still cries when he poops. Thanks for being cool, guys.
- Finn: Can you guys stop being so rough?
- Group 1: WHAT?
- Group 2: WHAT?
- Marauder: What? [bang!]
- Head Marauder: Whoa-whoa-whoa! What are you talking about, Finn?
- Finn: Could you... just tone down the roughhousing a-a little?
- Marauder: What? [bang!]
- Head Marauder: Whoa-whoa-whoa-shh! It's alright, fellas. Finn, I'm sure this "tone down the roughhousing" thing has something to do with your boom boom, and I can respect that. BUT HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY MAKE ROUGHHOUSING LESS ROUGH!!?
- Finn: Aw man, this sucks! GRRAH!! Old people! There's gotta be a better way!
- Old Wizard: Nope. This is how the ancient ones wanted it.
- Finn: Yeah? I've got a younger idea! [gets off harness] Hughh.. hahh!
- Old Wizard: You fool! Your newfangled thinking will get us all killed!
- Finn: YOUTH CULTURE FOREVER!!!
- Bufo: Thrust your hands into this bowl... of eyeballs.
- Finn: Eyeballs!?
- Jake: Dude, it's okay. They're just peeled grapes.
- Bufo: No!! They're eyeballs...
- Finn: WOO-HOO!! Nice job! Thanks to us, the village is saved. And we reclaimed a few of your twilight years.
- Bufo: Don't forget to thank me — for this was my plan for all of these 847 years.
- Finn: No way! Your plan was to dupe a succession of rubes into keeping the asteroid at bay!
- Bufo: Perhaps you're right. No more giving out free powers. I hereby renounce all magic.
- [Bufo starts sobbing on the ground, wailing]
- Bufo: MY LIFE IS OVERRRRRR!!!!!
- Reaper: Hey kid... you want some magic powers? Magic powers for absolutely free?
- Finn: Heck yeah!
- Jake: Wait! Let's not be too rash! Just look at this guy! Check out the sunken lifeless eyes, the foul stench of decay! You know what that means?
- Finn: ..Means he's evil, I guess.
- Jake: Well evil, sure—but mostly, he's unattractive. And unattractive people are desperate.
- Bufo: This is where young potentials train to become ultimate wizards, but most are not ready for the responsibility that comes with it.
- Finn: I'm responsible, dude!
- Jake: So am I!
- Finn: That's a lie!
- Jake: It is a lie. And I take full responsibility for it!
(song when Jake and Finn are thrown out of their house)
- Singer: So Finn and Jake
- Set out to find a new home
- It's gonna be tough
- For a kid and a dog on their own.
- Here's a little house
- Aw, Finn's stickin' his foot in
- Well, that's a bad idea, dude
- Cuz now that bird thinks you're a jerk, Finn!
- And now they're chillin' on the side of a hill
- And thinkin' livin' in a cloud would be totally thrillin',
- Unless they find something inside
- Like a mean cloud man and his beautiful cloud bride.
- A beehive, oh nooo~!
- Don't put your foot in there, guy!
- Y'all tried that before,
- And you know it didn't turn out right!
- Big shell, go inside,
- Look around, it seems all right
- A frog comes out and barfs a tiger,
- Throwin' down potions for food and fi-ahire~!
- You know you should've stayed
- And fought that sexy vampire lady,
- But Jake was feelin' terrified
- He was super-scared of her vampire bite,
- Which is understandable
- As vampires are really powerful.
- They're unreasonable
- And burnt out on dealing with mortals.
- Ooh, Marceline
- Why are you so mean?
- Marceline: I'm not mean, I'm 1000 years old
- And I just lost track of my moral code.
- Singer: Oh, Marceline
- Can't you see those guys are in pain?
- Marceline: No, I can't.
- I'm invested in this really cute video game.
- Singer: So there go our boys
- Walkin' on the icy ground,
- Headin' towards their destiny
- I'm sure they'll figure something out.
City of Thieves (7a)
- Jake: So I'm just as dirty as you are, Finn. We gotta walk this filthy path together.
- Finn: Then we shall embrace the darkness of this wicked city, and use the methods of the criminal to seek vengeance on Penny.
- Jake: Cowabunga! [morphs into cape]
- Finn: Cowabunga indeed.
- Finn: Hey, TURD-le! I'monna kick your butt! Also, have you seen this little girl's flower basket?!
- Jake: You're goin down, turtle! [the turtle blasts off with its tailhole] Whoa! I want jets!
- Penny: Hey, my basket! That's my basket!
- Finn: Don't worry, Penny! We'll get it right after I deal with this guy! STEALING'S WRONG, DOOFUS!!
- Phil: [PJs ripped away from rock wall thief] My jammies! [a goblin steals his glasses and basket] MAH GLASSEEE~S!!
- Finn: This good deed has purified us once again. We're Virgin Islands! [the two accompanied cherubs then steal his swords]
- Penny: I'm going to miss you, Finn!
- Finn: I'll miss you too.
- Penny: G'bye! [runs out of tent]
- Jake: Woah, dude! Why are you naked?
- [Finn looks down and sees he's only wearing his underwear]
- Finn: WHA-! PENNNYYYYYYYYYY!!
The Witch's Garden (7b)
- Jake: MUDVENTURE!!
- Finn: How do I say "You're the grossest thing ever" without offending you?
- Finn: What did she do to you?
- Witch: I stripped him of his magical powers.
- Finn: For stealing one of your billions of donuts!?
- Jake: Yeah, it's not like I killed your husband or something.
- Witch: I AM NOT MARRIED!!
- Jake: So do I get my powers back?
- Witch: Hm... Apology denied.
- Jake: What!? Why!?
- Witch: Because you took too long. Now you have to apologize while doing a variety of humiliating things.
- Jake: No way, Jose!
- Jake's Subconscious: "Come on, dude. It's the only way to save Finn."
- Witch: Who is that!?
- Jake: He's my subconscious.
- Witch: Then he has to do it too.
- Jake's Subconscious: "Aw!"
- Finn: Jake! I never should've doubted you!
- Jake: Well, I'm glad you learned your lesson – that in a crunch, there's nothin I wouldn't do for ya.
- Finn: Ahhh, so is that how you got your powers back? ["ting"] You apologized to the witch?
- Jake: Uum... [sweats profusely] No way! I um.. must have found the right... mud puddle! Yeah... I don't remember. Heh... Rrrrr...
What is Life? (8a)
- Finn: Aww! Butter pranked! I can't BELIEVE I didn't see that coming!
- Jake: Yeah, I'm a genius.
- Finn: YOU have offended my honor, sir. And in so doing, you have awoken the pranking demon that sleeps in my pits! The demon is coming for you, mortal. It is going to prank you so.. HAAAARD!!!
- NEPTR: Creator, you have shown me the joys of pranking! I cannot wait to throw pies infinitely at Jake's face!
- Jake: [zzz] ..Might wake up at any moment! Nahh, I'm still asleep.
- Ice King: Something about that robot I tried to kill fills me with... deep longing...
- Finn: Did y'all smack me into that mountain on purpose?
- Balloons: Yeeaah!
- Finn: Take note, NEPTR. These guys are Grade A Pranksters. You guys hang out, in case we need a daring escape!
- Balloon 1: Yeah, sure!
- Balloon 2: Daring escape!
- Balloon 3: Sure Finn!
- Balloon 4: Absolutely, we got your back! [Finn enters IK's cave]
- Balloon 5: I got his wallet!
- Balloons: Quick, Finn! Jump!!
- [Finn jumps, the balloons pull their strings away at the last second, causing Finn to fall and shout and the balloons laugh; Three balloons carry him back up]
- Finn: Heheh, you guys got me!
- Finn: [Releases the balloons] Okay guys, your blood oath is fulfilled!
- Balloons: Yay! To the mesosphere!
- Single Balloon: Finally, we can die!
Ocean of Fear (8b)
Finn: Get me out of the water! Now, Jake, now!
[Jake is shown bruised, saying "ow" as Finn steps on him, screaming]
Jake: Finn! Stop it, Finn! OWWW!!
Finn: [As one tiny drop of water flies onto Finn, slow motion] NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I'm afraid of you, I'm afraid of you!
[Finn scoots away from the water, screaming, then flips on his back and sighs]
Finn: [Drags himself to Jake's feet] Okay, yeah... Let's try tomorrow...
When Wedding Bells Thaw (9a)
- Finn: Eat my sword, Ice King!
- Ice King: Sure wish someone would throw me a bachelorette party... oop! I mean, "manlorette party".
- Finn: But we hate you.
- Ice King: If you won't throw me a manlorette party then I'll never have my last hurrah before buckling down with that battle-axe! It'll drive me back to a life of stealing hot princesses! Is that want you want!!?
- Finn: Stop scratching your ear, man! It's gross!
- Jake: It wasn't me. It was my foot, dude.
- Jake: All that's left is the lousy wedding.
- Finn: I'm weady for the wedding!
- Ice King: Oh... Now I get what you guys are trying to tell me! Marriage is a thing that allows me to capture a princess forever and let her live inside of me! [cries ecstatically] Marriage is the most beautiful thing in the world...
- Ice King: No more... st-stealing princesses? Wow...
- Finn and Jake: WHAT!!?
- Ice King: I didn't realise I'd have to.. give up... stealing the ladies.
- Jake: But you said you were fine with it!
- Ice King: I know what I said! But you know, sometimes you say things and then you don't really mean them?
- Jake: WHA— Are you serious!?
- Ice King: Now I can KILL YOU!!! Oh wait... Wait, wait.. I am so stupid! Silly billy!
- Ice King: Come on, guys! Help me celebrate my un-marriage!
- Ice King's "Bride": You lousy butt-faced pig! I hate you!
Freak City (9b)
- Finn: Walking, walking, walking... HAMBONE BREAK!
- Finn: Nuts. I'm freakin' all about sugar, but I'm even more about FEEDING HOBOS!
- Jake: Now that you're a big foot, you're 100% kick, man!
- Two-Headed Monster: Our crotch! Our evil crotch!
- Kim: Get his eyes! Cut him in the aye-eyes!
- Finn: Kim! Get underneath Trudy!
- Kim: No, man, please...I freakin' hate Trudy.
- Finn: Kim, I will destroy you!
- Kim: Okay, okay!
- Finn: Why'd you do that!?
- Magic Man: Because this day, a magical life lesson comes to you!
- Finn: No! Change me back!
- Magic Man: Not until you appreciate what a jerk I am! Waazooo~!!
- Finn: Thanks for being cool and all, but what do ya know about this Magic Man? How do we catch him?
- Gork: Ohh, he can't be caught. He's got magic. And we're worthless freaks, we can't ever beat him! So we've gathered here to wallow in our self-pity.
- Finn: Wait, so, what was the lesson we just learned?
- Jake: Maybe it was, don't give your sugar to jerks?
- Finn: Speaking of jerks—what the blubins, man!? Why wouldn't you help me turn back into a boy?
- Jake: Well, because I always kind of wanted to... [mumbles]
- Finn: What!?
- Jake: I said, I always kind of wanted to be a foot myself.
- Finn: You could be a foot right now! I saw you change into a foot twice yesterday!
- Jake: It's complicated, man. You'll understand when you're older.
- Marceline: Hey Finn, you thinkin' about how that guy's bowtie sorta looked like a bra?
- Finn: Huh?? NO!
- Jake: I want to help you out of this, man, but she scares the filling out of my donut.
- Finn: That sounds bombastic, honey.
- Duke of Nuts: Lisby, who's at the door?
- Lisby: Someone who wants to sack the nut-castle!
- Duke of Nuts: Why would you want to sack my nut-castle on my second son's first birthday? SEIZE HIM!!
- Finn: No!
- Marceline: Hey Finn, I need you to strangle some pixies!
- Finn: Yeah, sure. That sounds good.
- Marceline: Whoa, why are you being so casual about that? Killing pixies is some hardcore evil.
- Finn: I'm not fallin' for your junk anymore, lady. You just like saying poop that jacks with my brain.
- Finn: Marceline is not how she seems! She's a radical dame who likes to play games.
- Angel: I'm taking you to the chamber of the Crystal Eye.
- Finn: Aw, yeah!
- Angel: Where I'm going to cook you and eat your flesh.
- Finn: Wow... Wai— what!?
- Angel: Trust in your GUARDIAN ANGEL!!!
- Demon Cat: Greetings, Frank the human boy.
- Finn: How did you almost know my name?
- Demon Cat: I have approximate knowledge of many things. For instance, I know that I am possibly going to slay you and munch on your eyeballs.
The Duke (11a)
- Jake: Who cares if Bubblegum hates you forever? It's no biggie. Tons of people hate me.
- Squirrel: Why, Jake? Why won't you print my letters? I... I.... I HATE YOU!!!
- Finn & Jake: The MarquIs of Nuts!?
- Marquis: Yes!! But I didn't come alone! [shripp!]
- Squirrel: Remember me, Jake!!?
- Jake: ...Nope.
- Finn: There's something to tell you about that bottle that hit you in the face.
- Bubblegum: I already know, Finn! The Duke of Nuts has ALWAYS been a bad guy! But now that he's done this, I'LL NEVER FORGIVE HIM!!! And it's not just because that I HATE the Duke! I'd never forgive ANYBODY who did THIS to me! I'd hate them!
- Finn: Yeah, but—
- Bubblegum: FOREVER!!!!
- Finn: Forever..!??
- Duchess of Nuts: Hello, Finn. Are you here to arrest the Duke?
- Finn: How did you know?
- Duchess of Nuts: The nuts told me. For I am the Duchess of Nuts!
- [Jake eats a handful of nuts from a bowl.]
- Jake: Ooh. I should've asked if these were, like, her eggs or something.
- Duchess of Nuts: Would you like to hear what MY NUTS HAVE TO SAY?!
- Finn: That won't be...um...necessary...
- Jake: I'm an assassin! I will kill you...and raise your children as my own!
- Finn: Princess, I have something pretty sucky to confess.
- Squirrel: Pick it up Jake! Pick it up! [Jake walks away with Finn] Oh, you son of a Bleeblob!
- Finn: Princess, I have something sucky to confess... I'm the one who threw the bottle!
- Princess Bubblegum: Ah!
- Finn: I'm sorry... But... I knew, if I told you - you'd hate me forever!
- Princess Bubblegum: Mmhhhm... Well, I could never stay mad at you forever. And you seem genuinely penitent.
- Finn: I don't even know what that means... But thank you!
- Finn: You stay here and take care of Donny, while I take care of a unknown possibly-deadly emergency.
- Jake: (as Finn is walking off) Dude, trade me jobs!
- Donny: Gotta get pants. Go get your pants. Button fly!
- Finn: Donny's problem is that he's treated as an outsider, like me!
- Jake: You are NOT an outsider; you wear cute little blue shorts.
- Finn: (Finn looks away, raising his hands) I... Am complicated...
Rainy Day Daydream (12a)
- BMO: Whooo wants to play video gaa~mes?
- Finn and Jake: BEEMO!!
- Jake: What's on the menu, Beemo?
- BMO: I've created a new game called "Conversation Parade."
- Finn and Jake: Ha, alright! / Start it up, Beemo!
- BMO: [singing] What do you think about the stars in the sky
- Finn: S'okay, I guess.
- Jake: Yeah, they're cool.
- BMO: That is an interesting response. Battery low! SHUTDOWN.
- Finn: I would rather DIE than be imaginative. I mean that.
- Jake: Dude, I know something totally rocking we can do!
- Finn: WHOA!! What?
- Jake: Let's use our imaginations, man!
- Finn: Barf that! Imagination is for turbo-nerds who can't handle how kickbutt reality is. I'm a kickbutt reality MASTERRR!!!
- Finn: Watch and learn as I master REALITY. [slowly steps onto floor]
- Jake: NAAAAAOOOH!!!
- Finn: Imagine turning your imagination off!
- Jake: I can't, dude! But I think I can imagine.. an imagination turning-off machine... that is upstairs, surrounded by a crud-load of traps, ghosts, monsters and poison fountains, and... and... GIRLS! Cute girls, and hamsters.
- Jake: Hello, Finn. I am awake and healthy.
- Finn: Jake, what happened to your bombastic personality?
- Jake: I do not know what you mean. I am perfectly bombastic.
- Finn: Nah man, nah. Something's wrong. Tell me something amazing!
- Jake: But Finn, I cannot tell you something amazing, as there is nothing amazing happening around us that I can describe for you.
- Finn: Aw see man, you suck now!
- Jake: AAAAHH!! I CAN IMAGINE EVERYTHING!!!
- Jake: Dang, girl. If you weren't a figment of my imagination, I'd wanna have your baby. [Other imagined girl chuckles] What're you laughin' at?
What Have You Done? (12b)
- Finn: I am no man's bosom.
- Starchy: Starchy's feeling healthy again! A bit too healthy if you ask me.
- Ice King: So, what am I being charged with?
- Finn: Um...
- Jake: Five counts of jerk-a-tearing! Hah!
- Finn: Yeah. What does it matter?
- Ice King: DAHH!!! Of course it matters!! The way it works is — first, I transgress your meaningless rules, and then you maliciously persecute me!
- Finn: That makes sense. You do bad things, I punish you.
- Ice King: FOOL!! You have disrupted that order! For — are you ready for this? I have committed no RECENT CRIME!!
- Finn: Really? Um...
- Ice King: [laughing] I'm rocking your worldview!
- Ice King: So let me get this straight... You're hitting on me.
- Bubblegum: NO!!
- Lady Rainicorn: Usgisine. Dangsin-eun uli gongjunim-egeo malhal jagyeogdo eobsneun nom-iya. (Verily, you are a creature unworthy even of my lady's disdain.)
- Ice King: I think I heard the word "virile" in there. Oh, she's definitely hitting on me.
- Bubblegum & Rainicorn: No! / Maldoandwae! (No way!)
- Ice King: BEGONE, YOU BIDDIES!!!
His Hero (13a)
- Jake: Dude, suckin' at somethin' is the first step towards bein' sorta good at somethin'. You and I are like little baby Billys right now — and we're "sucking" on our first bottle of nonviolent milk!
- Finn: Haggh... totes. I'll stop "pooping" my diaper.
- Jake: Whoa, what!!?
- Billy: Don't you see how pointless it is? You know what's probably happening to that old lady right now!? She's probably DEAD!!
- Villager: MAH TUMMY'S BREATHIN' FIRE!!!
- Finn: Man! I'm such a huge nerd for you! Please take on as hero apprentices!
- Billy: What for?
- Finn: So that we can learn to kick evil's butt, just like you!
- Jake: [slides] I wanna be the dog version of you!
- Billy: Aw, that would be waste of time.
- Finn: Geez... I thought people would like that.
- Cobbler: Why!? Why would anyone want that!?
- Finn: So you can defend against evil monsters!
- Cobbler: You're supposed to beat up monsters so we don't have to defend ourselves!
- Finn: No, see? I'm helping you nonviolently!
- Cobbler: Helping!? I can't even move my hands! I'm a cobbler, how'm I supposed to cobble with these useless chunk mitts!?
- Finn: How can we help?
- LSP: I want surgery to make my body hot.
- Finn: Yikes.
- LSP: Yeah. I know I'm already pretty smokin'. But I bought this swimsuit, so I need a swimsuit butter...
- Jake: [whoo!] You up for some serious plastic surgery?
Gut Grinder (13b)
- Jake: Wait, you were gonna wee-wee if I was the Gut Grinder?
- Soft Girl: Oh yeah! We're terrified of him!
- Jake: THEN I AM THE GUT GRINDERRRR!!!
- Soft Girl: I'M GONNA WEE-WEE!!
- [she sprays liquid out of her armpits and spins around, wailing. Finn and Jake laugh]
- Finn: That guy wee-wees weird!
- Jake: [mimicking] I'm Finn the Human, and I stink at viola!
- Finn: [pulls checks] I'm Jake the Dog, and I put my nose in POOP!!
- Jake: There's a lot of interesting smells in poop...
- Jake: What if I am the Gut Grinder?
- Finn: What!?
- Jake: What if I'm.. like, stealing gold in my sleep?
- Finn: You can't be stealing gold in your sleep! [dilates] I watch you while you sleep.
- Jake: Wha? Yo Finn, that is creepy, man.
- Finn: I can't help it. I take pictures.
- Jake: Well, when do you sleep!?
- Finn: Justice never sleeps.
- Jake: Well, there's gotta be a time when you're not watchin' me... tha— that I— that I might be stealing gold unconsciously!
- Finn: [into Jake's ear] YOU—ARE—NOT—THE—GUT—GRINDER!!
- Marceline: Daddy, why did you eat my fries...
- I bought them and they were mine.
- But you ate them, yeah you ate my fries
- And I cried, but you didn't see me cry.
- Daddy, do you even love me,
- Well I wish you'd show it, cos I wouldn't know it
- What kind of daddy eat his daughter's fries
- and doesn't even look her in the eyes?
- Daddy, there were tears there
- If you saw them would you even care?
- Fluffy Person: Huh? Who the fluff are you?
- Marceline's Dad: Um... Well, I'm sure not the guy who's gonna suck out your soul.
- Fluffy Person: Good, cos that's like my number one fear!
- Marceline's Dad: Really? Well, I know a little exercise for that. Wanna try it?
- Fluffy Person: Well....
- Marceline's Dad: First, close your eyes. [about to flat him with Marceline's ax bass]
- Fluffy Person: Okay—AHH!!!! YOU COULD'VE KILLED ME!!!
- Marceline's Dad: Ahh, but I didn't. And now, aren't you thrilled just to be alive?
- Fluffy Person: Yeah, I guess — so what?
- Marceline's Dad: So... this next part will be all the more horrifying.
- Marceline: Look, you wanna help him? Help me get my bass back.
- Finn: How will that help him—
- Marceline: MY DAD STOLE MY BASS GUITAR, FINN!!!
- Marceline's Dad: Oh Marceline. I never know what's gonna set you off. Waoh! Is this the family axe?
- Marceline: Huh? HEY!!
- Marceline's Dad: Did you turn it into some kind of lute?
- Marceline: GIVE IT BACK!! AND GET OUT!!!
- Marceline: I've been meaning to ask you. What's with the pocket on your shirt?
- Finn: Oh, Jake's in here. 'Sup Jake. [pip]
- Marceline's Dad: Of all history's greatest monsters, you are by far the most evil thing I've encountered. Offer your soul to me, dark one.
- Gunter: Wenk wenk.
- Marceline's Dad: No! You can't have MY soul! I don't even... Look, just get in here. [VROOOOO—SMEK!!]
- Gunter: Wenk wenk.
- Marceline's Dad: [kick] Keep your crummy soul!
- Ice King: Gunter! Who told you you could fly?
- Gunter: Wenk! [IK sees Marceline's Dad sucking souls]
- Ice King: Huh? No-one sucks the life from my penguins expect ME!! And maybe polar bears—because that's just nature, Gunter.
- Lumpy Space Princess: Oh my Glob, you guys! DRAMA BOMB!
The Eyes (1b)
- Jake: Hey, get outta here, horse. I wanna go to sleep and you're creeping me the math out!
- Jake: [to the horse] What's your deal, screwy? Why're you messin' with us, huh?
- Finn: Jake. That horse is whack with poo-brain.
- Jake: Yeah, I know, Finn, I diagnosed this horse with whacked-out poo-brain five minutes ago.
- Jake: Dude... Let's kill the horse.
Loyalty to the King (2a)
- Princess: Save me, Finn and Jake!
- Jake: Shh!
- Princess: Save me, Finn and Jake...
- Jake: We ARE!!
- Princess: Save me, Finn and Jake...
- Jake: Why does she keep saying that?
- Finn: I think she's traumatised, dude.
- LSP: Oh my gosh. [dials and porking rinds] Yeah. Guess what. Slime Princess is in the park, and she's like, talking to a new Nice King, and he's like, totally single. By the way, DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
- Finn: And I was like "Leave him alone!", and he was like "Make me!", and I was like "OK", and then he was like "ARRRGH MY HEAD!!!"
- Nice King: Hey! Nice Knights! Turtle Princess is about to walk out that door! I told her that I like her a lot, but I really don't like her all that much. Could you guys break it off for me?
- Nice King: The main enemy to the Nice King right now is the disorganisation of his love life.
- Finn: Well, what do ya mean?
- Nice King: The UGLY ones are all mixed up with the other ones!! I need you to catalog 'em, or something...
- Jake: Tuhuhuh... But we punch monsters.
- Nice King: After I choose my BRIDE, then you can go punch the monsters.
- Finn: Managing admirers? We'll give it a try...
- Nice King: Your loyalty is in question?
- Finn: No, it's not that! It's just that... princesses are supposed to be treated with niceness.
- Nice King: [pinches Finn] Are you implying THAT I'M NOT THE NICE KING!??
- Finn: What's wrong with you!?
Blood Under the Skin (2b)
- Finn: [to ladybug] Don't you EVER let me catch you here again.
- Phil: MY MOST PRIVATE PARTS!!! PEEPED BY A BOY!!!
- Sir Slicer: Who is the one that bears the thimble?
- Jake: This dude.
- Sir Slicer: [laughs] Oh, you foolish boy. Without full body armor, you're weak. You do not look click-click!
- Ghost: Hello.
- Finn: Begone, ghost! I'm here for the armor!
- Ghost: First, you have to beat my high score in a game of drop ball.
- Finn and Jake: Drop ball?
- Ghost: Drop ball is an extremely addictive high-intensity game designed for people everywhere. Here, let me show ya.
- [drops the ball under him, twists, bends down and picks it up with his butt]
- Ghost: One point... two points... three points....
- Woman: Aah! Pervert!!
- Finn: I'm not a pervert!
- Woman: You should be ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!!
- Finn: I'm sorry! I'm sorry!!
- Finn: Choose Goose! I need more armor!
- Choose Goose: I got something for you, a metal shoe! Don't you know might stub your toe? [all knights laugh]
- Knight 1: Stub your toe..!
- Finn: No, Choose Goose... I need—
- Choose Goose: Look here hon, choose this one to protect your buns! [laughing harder]
- Knight 2: PROTECT HIS BUTT!! PROTECT HIS BUTT!!!
- Finn: No, Choose Goose... I want....
- Choose Goose: Don't be meek! What if you fall down and scrape your cheek?
- Knight 3: LOOK AT HIS BUTT!!! LOOK AT HIS BUTT!!!!
- Jake: Dude! This armor is totally click-click!
- Finn: Hey, so, uh... Yeah, so, yeah, can I... um... Could I watch you guys kissing?
- Finn: Hey, you wanna fight me?
- Bear: Oh heck, yeah! I've been waiting for this my whole life! YES. [laughs]
- Mama Bear: Oh no, you don't! (SMACK!!)
- Bear: You never let me do anything! Grr... UGH!! RAA—
- Finn: [headbutt!] UNH!!
- Mama Bear: [weeping] YOU KILLED HIM!!
- Bear: Mom, quit touching me.
- Mama Bear: You killed him and now he's dead!!
- Finn: [running away] He's probably not dead! I'm sorry though, that you think he's dead!
- Jake: Blankie me. Blankie me, Finn!
- Finn: I'll get your blanket, dude. Where is it?
- Jake: Right here.
- Finn: Why don't you just get it yourself?
- Jake: Because I'm SIIIICK!!
- Finn: Aahhh... I can't do it!! I... I can't keep messing with folks... BRAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!! [punch!!] But Jake needs me! But I-I can't keep messing with folks! But Jake's really sick! But I can't! But — but — but — but — dahh...! (phew-CLAK!!) Ow! Hey! Who threw— WAHHH!!!
- Finn: What's happening!? Are you guys gonna eat me!?
- Mama Bear: You'll see!
- Finn: [whimpers] Hey, wait! This is really suspenseful! (BASH!!!!)
- Fox: [beat] Would you eat dirt?
- Finn: I would for Jake! [munches mouthful, gulps and spitting everywhere] Okay, now you guys kiss!
- Boobafina: Man, what a freak.
- Fox: Let's go.
- Finn: WHAT!!!? No! Jake needs this!! Stop!! [grabs them both] Rrrh! Just come on..!
- Boobafina: What!? No!
- Fox: Gah.. wait..!
- Finn: Y'see? No big deal!
- Boobafina: [spatting] Ah- can't- believe you made me do that..! I'm secretly in love with Mr. Goose... And now he'll never love me because now I'm soiled...!!
Slow Love (3b)
Finn: Jake! What time is it?
Jake: I dunno, but you're probably gonna say...
Finn & Jake: [simultaneously] Lady time! [The words "LADY TIME" appear on screen]
- Jake: [Pretending to be male snail, wiggle's his abs] Hey, baby, what's up?
- Finn: ...Uh- [Jake grabs his hand] Wha-?!
- Jake: [starts sniffing Finn's hand] Mmmm...Mmm, mm, mmm! Girrrl, you smell gooood. Did you take a bath in rainbows and cupcakes?
- [Finn looks terrified; his mouth trembles]
- [Jake repeatedly changes from guy snail to girl snail, saying "Say yes!" each time he changes]
- Finn: OK, yes!!
Power Animal (4a)
- Cinnamon Bun: Finn, you always focus an endless amount of energy on EVERYTHING you do.
- Jake: What about me? What do I focus my energy on, Cinnamon Bun?
- Cinnamon Bun: Uh.. Jake... you don't really focus at all.
- Jake: [crams ice cream in toaster] Huh?
- Cinnamon Bun: I said you don't FOCUS AT ALL!!
- Jake: Where... is.. Finn? Is he in the kitchen?
- BMO: Does he have a pumpkin?
- Rima tima tin tin
- Jake: Dooba dooba dumplin
- BMO: Poopy doopy pie tin
- Jake: Monkey watermelon!
- Jake: Take my sandwich, Beemo! I'monna go find Fi— [GASP!] A DANCING BUG~!!
- Jake: Hey man! You're shaking it all wrong.
- Dancing Bug: But shaking it's all I know!
- Jake: Shh. Let me show you HOW IT'S DONE.
- Cinnamon Bun: YOU'RE A DYNAMO, FINN!!
- Finn: Yeah! I never slow down!!
- Grandmaster Gnome: Congratulations. You fully charged the Alternator! Now it's time to power up the Plasma Ball... with sexy fun dancing!!
- Finn: Don't think, Finn. Don't think anything. CAN'T... LET... THEM... WIN!!!
- Finn: No more games. No... more... PAJAMAS!!!
- Jake: Must... find... Finn! MUST... MUST... PARTY FOREVER~!!
Crystals Have Power (4b)
Jake: [Hitting the crystal wall] GYAH! Stupid ghost dad! I'll show him! Buuh...Okay. Intimidate them with controlled attack!
Tree Trunks: I wanted you, Finn! So you could be transformed into my sexy crystal king!
Finn: TREE TRUNKS! You've gone bananas with crystal power!
Tree Trunks: Finn, it's not sexy for a king to call his queen bananas!
- Joshua: Jake, what did you do to your brother?
- Jake: We were just playing, and then I got outta control! I'm sorry Dad...
- Joshua: No son, you did good. Having no self-control makes you a tough galoot, like me!
- Jake: But I don't wanna hurt nobody!
- Joshua: Well that's too bad kid, cos you're gonna hurt EVERYBODY.
- Jake: NOOOOOOOHHHH....!!!!
- Joshua: "Jake! Jake, I brought someone here to see you. It's your brother! "
- Jake: JERMAINE?! Are you dead??
- Jermaine: "Naw, man! We're just dreamin' at the same time! "
- Jake: Well, I'm sorry about that time I beat you up.
- Jermaine: "Yo, that was an accident. I knew you were just horsin' off. "
- Jake: But Dad, you said I'm gonna hurt everybody!
- Joshua: "Yeah, everybody. "
- Jake: I dunno, Dad. That doesn't really help me.
- Joshua: "Everybody who is EVIL, Jake. Let me finish next time, hmm? Yeah? "
- Jake: If I had a penny for every time someone went crazy-hopped up on magic energy, [long beat] ...I'd be Abraham Lincoln.
- Singer: Apple pie in the oven
- Tell me you can taste lovin'.
The Other Tarts (5a)
- Royal Tart Toter: Hello? Eat my tarts? ... This cosmic dance of bursting decadence and withheld permissions twists all our arms collectively but, if sweetness can win - and it can - then I'll still be here tomorrow to high-five you yesterday, my friend. Peace.
- Finn: Crud!! I was sure we'd be safe in the Desert of Doom!
- Jake: What? Whatcha saying?
- Finn: THOSE are dirty tart burglars!
- Jake: I think they're just dirty hobos.
- Finn: No, man. They are cold-blooded tart destroyers. And we have to get them before they GET US.
- Jake: Why?
- Finn: They're gonna kill Princess Bubblegum by stealing our tarts!
- Jake: Oh, yeah!
- Finn: We blew it, man! My plan SUCKED!! It sucked all along! But I was blinded by my hubris! Now PB's gonna get got, and it's all my fault!
- [cycled and repeated]
- Guard 2: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
- Guard 1: Okay!
- Guard 3: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
- Guard 2: Okay!
- Guard 4: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
- Guard 3: Okay!
- Butterfly: Hey!! Keep off them tarts!
- Finn: Huh??
- Butterfly: I said back off of them tarts! Are you an imbecile!?
- Finn: But I—
- Butterfly: [unholsters laser gun] Right the bazoobs now!!
- Jake: Finn, he's got a laser gun!
- [pwoosh pwoosh! pwoosh-pwoosh-pwoosh!!]
- Butterfly: Yeah! That's it, alright... Now I gotta book it to Nana's for brunch! See yous later!
To Cut a Woman's Hair (5b)
- LSP: Oh my Glob! What the stuff are you doing!? Why're you cutting my lumps!?
- Finn: Because they're uh.. so...
- LSP: (gasp!) I know you liked me.
- Finn: No, I don't! I- I'm just stopping by because—
- LSP: Just admit it, loverboy! You can't resist me! Well, if you want these lumps, you gotta put a ring on it!! WHERE'S MY RING!?!
- Finn: [runs away] WAHH!!!
- LSP: I knew you liked me, Finn! That's why you're running! Got in touch with your feelings, BABE!!
- Finn: Hey, witch! Does it have to be princess hair?
- Tree Witch: No, just beautiful hair.
- Finn: Well then, check THIS OUT!!
- [Finn pull off his white hat and shown his long blonde hair]
- Finn: HAHAAAH!!!
- Jake: HAHH!!
- Tree Witch: AHH!! You'd really give me your hair?
- Finn: Sure!
- Tree Witch: [now with Finn's hair] So... how do I look?
- Finn: Totally beautiful, inside and out.
- Tree Witch: Thank you, Finn. And now to use my hair for evil.
- Finn: WHAT!!!?
- Tree Witch: Cos I'm evil! [cackling] What did ya want from me!? [trips, CRUNCH!!] Oh no, I think I fractured a branch....
The Chamber of Frozen Blades (6a)
- Jake: A true ninja can sense the intentions of his enemies. "Jin!"
- Ice King: What can you do for him, Doctor Princess? Without Gunter, I'll be all alone. You see, I'm a widower.
- Doctor Princess: Oh, I'm sorry. How did your wife die?
- Ice King: Ohh... what? Is that was that means?
- Jake: Fridjitsu master Jake summons: Arrow of Ice!
- Finn: It's the Ice King alright, and he's looking awful pleased with himself.
- Jake: Uh-oh! If the Ice King's so happy, he must've stolen a princess when we weren't looking somehow! [ear-covers his mouth] That's ninja logic!
- Finn: Then we gotta --
- Flambo: A-hem. [Finn flips a charcoal briquette into his mouth]
- Finn: Hmph. We gotta save that princess! [jumps onto tor]
- Jake: You got it, shino-bro! Ninja kick!
- Finn: Ninja kick!
- Ice King: For it turns out Gunter here was preggers!
- Gunter: Wenk!
- Ice King: I was just talking to the egg! It's such a cutie!
- Jake: GUNTHER'S A WOMAN!??
- Ice King: What? No!
- Ice King: Counter-maid, I demand medicinal attentions! Preferably those of a princessy type.
- Maid: And are you checking in as a patient or a cadaver?
- Ice King: Hey! I'm as healthy as TEN old men!!
- Gunter: [weak] Wenk... wenk...
- Ice King: Hoh? Oh, oh right! My penguin, he's very, very sick. So, what time does your shift end?
- Ice King: Gunter... YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME!!!
- Finn: "True ninja passes no wind; he only passes—" [PWOOT!!]
- Jake: Get ready to be.. STAR STRUCK.
- Finn: Get ready to be.. COLD CUT.
Her Parents (6b)
- Both: Ketchup, mustard, red and yellow!
- Jake: Lady's parents, I say hello!
- I'm the fellow for your daughter
- Please forget the wartime slaughter!
- Home improvement, decorations
- Help me impress her relations!
- Finn: Sugar bears, and rainbow jelly
- Jake: Spread those colors on my belly!
- Finn: On the floor and up the log!
- Jake: Please don't notice I'm a dog!
- Finn: Dude! Her parents are probably all full of dog-hatred from the war-times! They're gonna see you're a dog and forbid Lady from ever hanging out with you again!
- Jake: ...Nah. That could never happen.
- Finn: You didn't think this through enough. IT COULD HAPPEN!!
- Finn: J.J. Flip! What the zip?
- Ethel: Listen, I just want you to know how sorry we are about trying to eat you.
- Bob: It's just that we thought we'd never get another chance. We thought humans were extinct.
- Finn: Oh...
- Finn: Homies help homies. Always.
The Pods (7a)
- Finn: It's a brave little gnome knight!
- Jake: What? That's a frog dressed up like a gnome knight!
- Gnome Knight: Actually, I'm a gnome knight who was magically transformed into a frog, and then I decided to continue being a knight.
- Jake: And now you're, like, attracting a mate?
- Gnome Knight: NO!! I'm on the verge of death!!
- Finn: "Freezed" to meet you! Hope you saved room for dessert! I'm killing you with ice cream!
The Silent King (7b)
- Old Goblin: Oh no! The old king — just as cruel as the last king!
- Finn: Hi oh.. what? [guards enter and kneel]
- Goblin Guard: O King, we beg you not to slay the old lady. [Finn turns back and they cower]
- Finn: No, wait!
- Old Goblin: Don't slay me! You may keep the hot buns, Your Majesty!
- Blue Goblin: I'm ready for my spanking, Mr. Xerigok Part Two.
- All Goblins: WE'RE READY FOR OUR SPANKING, SIRE!!
- Finn: Wands are for wiii~mps!
- Finn: I just want to help y'all as much as I can
- And y'all just keep showing me your goblin hams
- When I became king
- I didn't think y'all'd show me your rears
- But I'll accept my boring fate and shed this tear
- Cos I can't seem to cure you of your groundless fears...
- Finn: The goblins have suffered long enough, Xergiok!
- Xergiok: Shush! You guys can't live without me, right?
- Goblins: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Owowowowow!
- Jake: You got problems, man.
- Xergiok: IT'SSS SPANKING TIME!!! YEAAHHH!! YEAH!!
The Real You (8a)
- Prof. Worm: And the great question endures, "Who would win in a battle between Nietzsche's Übermensch... and Mandroid?" The answer is... Werewolf Queen! It's ALWAYS Werewolf Queen!!
- Finn: Don't worry. I have EVERYTHING under control.
- Bubblegum: UNDER CONTROL?! My guests are terrified!
- Finn: YES!! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal GLAND!! This has serious educational value!! Thanatophobia and this NDE is giving us euphoric altered awareness!! Don't you see, Princess?!? WE WERE ALL BORN TO DIE!!
- Bubblegum: YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL US ALL?!?
- Finn: NO, OF COURSE NOT! I'M TRYING TO GIVE YOU THE GREATEST CONFERENCE EVER!!!
Guardians of Sunshine (8b)
Jake: And there's you!... doin'... whatever you're doin'... Finn: I'm lookin' at my bits! My leg is math!
Death in Bloom (9a)
- Skeleton: Hey! How's it goin', fellas? Hi. Lester.
- [he grabs Finn's arm]
- Lester: Oh man, flesh! I haven’t seen this stuff in forever! So warm and gushy and softy, look at all that flesh jigglin'!
- Finn: I'm glad she's not coming back till tomorrow.
- Jake: No, she said she's coming back "on the Morrow."
- Finn: Yeah, on the 'morrow. That means tomorrow.
- Jake: No man, the Morrow is her bird!
- Finn: Come again?
- Jake: It's her bird! That thing is crazy fast! It'll only take like twenty minutes to get back once that conference is over. [zoom in to Finn's bracket-eyed face] Are you listening, man? [closeup on Jake in slow-mo] THE MORROW... IS A BIRRRD...!!!
- Finn: What happened?
- Death: Your can't kick me because your brain is stupid!
- Finn: YOUR BRAIN IS STUPID!!!
- Peppermint Butler: Ahem... Mr. Finn, Mr. Jake, I believe you still owe me something in exchange for that favor I did.
- Finn: Sure!
- Jake: Yeah! What is it?
- Peppermint Butler: I'd like your flesh. [Finn and Jake snigger]
- Jake: Quit being silly, Peppermint Butler!
- Peppermint Butler: I'M GOING TO TAKE IT FROM YOU WHILE YOU SLEEP.
Susan Strong (9b)
[Susan faceplants herself into the grass]
Jake: Ohp, you killed her.
Finn: Wha-? I did!?
Jake: Yep, felled by surface world germs!
[Susan rolls forward on her face, kicking up grass behind her]
Jake: Heh, just kiddin'!
Mystery Train (10a)
- Finn: My birthday wish, is vengeance! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!
Go With Me (10b)
- Marceline: Hey look, Finn, I know Jake's your friend and all, but... if you really want Bubblegum to go to the movies with you, you've gotta like, stop listening to your dog and take some advice from a real girl.
- Finn: But Jake said Phase 2 is powerful!
- Marceline: Pbbt!! Heh, how is Jake going to know what girls want more than a real girl?
- Finn: Yeah—
- Marceline: Okay, great. So what we need now is something... fun. Girls love fun more than anything. Fun, fun, fun! If you can show Bubblegum that you're fun, she'll deffs wanna go to the movies with you.
- Finn: Heheh, you said fun so much, it sounds all weird now. Fffun. Ff— [M touches his shoulder]
- Marceline: So what do you like to do for fun, Finn?
- Finn: Oh-oh! I like to wrestle! And fight!! ERRRRH!! ROARR!! ...But girls don't like that.
- Marceline: No, no, that's perfect! All you need to do is get in there and wrestle Princess Bubblegum to show her how fun you are. [flies off]
- Finn: [beat] Ffffffuuunnn. Ffffuuunn.
Belly of the Beast (11a)
- Finn: All those bears.. are gonna turn into the stuff.
- Teddy Bear: Help!! Help meeee hang these streamers!
- Finn and Jake: What??
- Teddy Bear: It's not a party without streamers!
- Party Pat: Before you talk to the Chief, you must party with the Chief.
- Finn: But—
- Party Pat: It is the only way.
- Finn: Hey, excuse me! Excuse me! I dunno how you don't know this, but y'all are partying in a monster's stomach!
- Teddy Bear: Thanks! I love dancing!
- Finn: No! Y'ALL... are PARTYING... in a MONSTER'S... STOMACH!!
- Teddy Bear 1: I think he wants to know where the bathroom is!!
- Teddy Bear 2: IT'S OVER THERE!!!
- Finn: Okay Jake, what happens when you eat food?
- Jake: Well, it goes into our stomach.
- Finn: Yeahhh...
- Jake: And then it stays there for a bit, and then, it turns into—[gasp!] They're all gonna turn into... the STUFF!!
The Limit (11b)
- Jake: NERP!!!
- Finn: What're you gonna wish for, dude?
- Jake: Oh, y'know — that somethin' special only two bros can share.
- Finn: I think I'm wishing for the same thing!
- Jake: You mean the...
- Finn & Jake: Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant!
- Jake: Oh man, I wanna ride it so bad!
- Finn: How do you even control those things?
- Jake: You can't control it, dude — you have to let it GIVE you control.
- Finn: Dang, Jake... your body's getting thin!
- Jake: Hey, I got a nice bod!
- Finn: Yeah, but right now? Uuh, not so nice.
- Jake: Okay, well, you can take your weird body issues and tuck them somewhere private, whereas I can take my healthy body issues and— (gasp!!) Fight a golem!!
- Finn: Okay, so you guys wish to get your buddies back, right?
- Hotdog Knight 1: I wish for a box! (pop!) Suhweet!
- Hotdog Knight 2: And I wish to blow up! I mean, like, get big— (BANG!!)
- Finn: Wow. You guys are really stupid.
- Hotdog Knight 1: What do you mean?
Video Makers (12a)
- Finn: We've been showing these films unauthorized.
- Jake: But these movies are before the Great Mushroom War.
- Finn: We should still respect authority, mang.
- Finn: Uhh... what do you think?
- Jake: Eh, I don't get it. It's just a bunch of random junk.
- Finn: Yeah... I'm not engaged. I need to see something that reflects life as it is, but you know, entertaining.
- Jake: Yeah, like a romantic comedy!
- Finn: Exactly—an action-adventure!
- Jake: Wait, that's not what I said!
- Finn: Let's get to filming!
- Shelby: Check, please!
- Finn/Jake: "Warning—federal law provides severe and criminal penalties for the unauthroized exhibition of copyrighted motion pictures"...
- Finn: No, no smooching! Cut!
- Jake: I thought it was great.
- Finn: No, we can't use any of it.
- Jake: I think we should use all of it.
- Finn: No, not all. We should throw away the parts where Slime Princess was smooching. That was dumb.
- Jake: What!?
- Finn: DUUUMMM-BAH.
Heat Signature (12b)
- Finn: Man, I still can't believe Marceline is 1,000 years old and has never seen Heat Signature. This movie is gonna blow their minds.
Mortal Folly (13a)
- Ice King: [to Princess Bubblegum] I'm sorry, Princess. I love you and I've decided to let you go free. [removes ice cuffs from PB's wrists] Go free! [drops her into Lich's well] Oops, I've got the dropsies.
- Lich: Finn....
- Finn: Oh no! [all black]
- Lich: Finn... Come.
- Finn: Grrreeehh... Stop!!
- Lich: Aren't you cold... Finn? Walk into the well... Finn. Aren't you cold?
- [Finn teeters on edge of well, then pauses. Gets angry.]
- Finn: [yelling] NO, I'M NOT! I'VE GOT A SWEATER ON!!
Mortal Recoil (13b)
- Nurse Poundcake: What's her condition, Dr. Ice Cream?
- Dr. Ice Cream: She totally gross over 90% of her body, the other 10% is crazy-nasty.
- Nurse Poundcake: Will she make it, Doctor?!
- Dr. Ice Cream: I don't know, Nurse Poundcake.
- Jake: Princess, you're not feeling good
- You're not feelin' like a princess should
- And if you wanna get better fast
- Check out my cute little booty dance!
- Ice King: No! Not my number one! Princess, if you die on me I will never forgive you! I'll be lost.. lost in my own emotional labyri—
- Finn: YAAAAHHH!!!
- Jake: Listen... PB's bed was on fire.
- Finn: WHAT?? Is she OK?
- Jake: [low] She MADE it on fire!!
- Finn: With a match?
- Jake: No, man! With her brain.. I think...
- Ice King: Guys, let me help you! I don't want my future wife to be... physically unattractive.
- Nurse Poundcake: Attention, everyone!
- Finn: IS PB OKAY!??
- Nurse Poundcake: Yes.. but there were some complications...
- Finn: NAAAAAOOOOOH!!!!
- Nurse Poundcake: Yes, I'm afraid there wasn't enough gum to work with, so it appears Princess Bubblegum is now... younger.
- [a younger PB exits emergency room, everyone gasps!]
- Nurse Poundcake: She's 13 years old now.
- Ice King: Aw, dangit!! Well, I'm outta here. [flies off] Goodbye, everyone.
- Finn: Princess, the sweater you made me kept me safe. I almost got super-messed up but, it saved me. And.. I wanted to say... thank you for imbuing the sweater with the power of liking someone a lot, cos... I like you a lot.
- Ice King: OK. I didn't kill 'er this time. Everybody saw that, right?
- Gumball Guardian: DUUUDE.
- Finn: I'm a cat! I'm an agile cat!
Conquest of Cuteness (1a)
- Finn: Get the camera, Jake!
- Jake: I can't! I'm paralyzed by the cuteness!
- Finn and Jake: Beemo! Beemo! Beemo! Beemo!
- BMO: [pushes Finn and Jake aside] What? What? What? What?
- Finn and Jake: Beemo, get the camera!
- BMO: BMO is camera.
- Finn: I'm gonna go manhandle those guyses banandles!
- Jake: AHH!! MY BURRITO!!
- Finn: It's perfectly fine!
- Jake: No, Finn... They probably POISONED it!!
- Finn: Nahhhhh.
- Jake: They knew my name... They knew about the burrito...
- Finn: Man, you're letting your brain dial turn your fear volume up. You'll see. Those Cuties are nothing but an afternoon's delight.
- Jake: Oh no! AHH NO!!
- Finn: Jake, what is it?
- Jake: Ahh no! It's a dead goat, man! Its guts are all over the place! It's all chopped up and spread around and... Ah no, wait, it's just a blanket.
- Finn: What's for B-fast, Jake?
- Jake: Everything Burrito!
- Finn: Hahh!
- [Jake wraps the burrito]
- Jake: I love you, Everything Burrito.
- Finn: Get ready, y'all. Together, we FALL. [CB falls]
- LSP: Not yet, Cinnamon Bun!
- Cute King: I command you to make me a sandwich!
- Ice King: WHAT!?? No one demands the Ice King to make no sandwich!
Morituri Te Salutamus (1b)
- Jake: Gotta liven up this unhallowed ground.. for Finn.
- On a tropical island
- Underneath a molten lava moon
- Hangin' with the hula dancers
- Asking questions cos they got all the answers...
Memory of a Memory (2a)
- Baby Finn: I'm a buff baby that can dance like a man,
- I can shake-ah my fanny, I can shake-ah my can!
- I'm a tough tootin' baby, I can punch-ah yo' buns!
- Punch-ah yo' buns, I can punch all yo' buns!
- If you're an evil witch, I will punch you for fun!
- Marceline: That's the last straw, Ash! That's it! You're a psycho jerk and you ruined my life...
- Ash: But... But not all of it—
- Marceline: IT'S OVER, YOU PSYCHO!!!!
- Jake: Hey wizard, how'd you know Marceline?
- Wizard: I'm her spirit animal.
- Jake: Oh.
- [Finn and Jake watch a familiar person eating fries]
- Finn: [whisper] Yo, man.
- Marceline's Dad: Whua??
- Finn: Don't eat those.
- [a younger hipster Marceline enters the scene]
- Marceline's Dad: [spluttering] Marceline!
- Marceline: [sniff] Daddy? Why?
- Wizard: Faster! She's in danger!
- Jake: Who's he talking about?
- Finn: I have NO idea.
- Jake: What!? Then why'm I runnin' so hard?
- Finn: Because…
- Wizard: Because she's in trouble!
- Finn and Jake: Who is?
- Wizard: MARCELI–I–I–INE!!
- Finn: Faster, Jake!
- Jake: She's in trouble!
- Wizard: If you fail, Marceline will be trapped in eternal sleep.. FOREVER!!!
- [both gasp!]
- Wizard: And everr! And everrr~!!
- Finn: Ice King! How many times have we warned you about using love potion?
- Ice King: That's why I'm using honey.
- Jake: Man, who cares if it's honey? You stink anyways!
- Finn: YOU'RE GROUNDED!!!
- Ice King: I know but.. SHUSH!!
- Jake: Dude, you see my masterpiece coming together, right?
- Finn: Mine's whack.
- Jake: Well put some meat in there!
- Finn: Huh. What kinda meat is that?
- Jake: That's Meat Man's meat.
- Finn: Do ya think it hurts Meat Man when he gives us his meat?
- Jake: I dunno, I can't read his mind.
- Ice King: Whoa, you are fast! [beat] And quiet. [long beat] And very good at dramatic silence, I like it.
- Ice King: "Dear Mr. Scorcher, I would like you to hit to people. Neat name by the way. Love, the Ice King."
- Jake: Hey Finn, you awake yet?
- Finn: [lying down] I'm trying...
- Jake: I had a dream about Meat Man.
- Finn: Oh yeah?
- Jake: I think I'm gonna stop eating Meat Man.
- Ice King: Hey guys, guess what? You're grounded – underneath my butt!
Too Young (3a)
- Lemongrab: [growing steadily louder] This castle is in unacceptable condition! UNACCEPTABLE!
- Lemongrab: [yelling] One million years dungeon!
The Monster (3b)
Finn: Dude, I know where Lumpy Space Princess is! She's in the woods eating beans.
Jake: Mhmm! This is gonna be easy as...uhh...hmmm...
Finn: Easy as childbirth!
Jake: Yeah, okay.
Lumpy Space Princess: I knew, that if my parents could see me now, they'd be jealous of how lumpin' awesome I am.
Lumpy Space Princess: TONY! JESSICA'S CHEATING ON YOU!
Jake: Why are you doing this, Ice King?
Ice King: Why? Because I love you guys! But you don't love me, do ya?
Jake: You tried to kill us, like, four times!
Ice King: I only try to kill you 'cuz you're PRINCESS-BLOCKIN' ME ALL THE TIME!
Finn: The Astral Beast cometh.
Ice King: Well, how 'bout I make us some omelets?
Jake: ...That sounds pretty good, actually.
Ice King: I'm going to put my foot in it. Eating a part of me will bring us closer together! I'll be inside of you! [laughs]
Wizard Battle (4b)
- Grandmaster Wizard: To enter Wizard Battle, you must be... A WIZARD!!
- Finn: Wizard Battle is starting soon!
- Jake: Rrrohh... I know! We got here 6 hours early, you dork! Just wake me up when start selling hot dogs. Whoa! Whaddaya know!?
Fionna and Cake (5a)
- Fionna: Ice Queen, why are you always predatoring on dudes?!
- Ice Queen: Ha! You should talk! Keeping all the babes to yourself, totally ice-blocking my game!
- Cake: Why're y'all breathless if we're the ones runnin'.
- Cake: CAT NIP! Sweet babies!
- Cake: [barges] WHAT'S GOIN' ON IN HERE—!??
- Gumball: Fionna, come to the ball with me.
- Fionna: As your.. chum?
- Gumball: No, as my... GIRLFRIEND.
- Cake: Psst! Fi! Tell Gumball that you think he's HAWT.
- Fionna: [chiding] What? No!
- Cake: GUYS LIKE TO HEAR THAT THEY'RE HOT!!
- Fionna: Will you keep your voice down??
- Fionna: Ice King is the hottest hottie, and I can't wait to marry him....
- Ice King: "..said Fionna! Then she turned to Prince Gumball and said, 'I hope Ice King will sweep me off my feet and take me to the farthest corner of Ooo, where we will do nothing but kiss and eat a whole bunch till we get fat and die!' The end." So, what did you think of the fan fiction I wrote about you guys?
- Finn: [encased with Jake with manuscripts beside Gunter] Uuhh...
- Ice King: Tell me you though it was good!!
- Finn: [squeaked] Awh, it's good, it's good! It's REALLY good dude, it was amazing!
What Was Missing (5b)
- Finn: I'll get your kid back, toy!
- Finn: I wonder what it liked, or what was missing.
- Jake: Well, I know what's missing — talent! I'm getting outta here, you hacks! Talentless hacks!!
- Marceline: STOP STARING AT ME!! Ugh, you threw me off!
- Jake: Don't worry, bro. We won't tell anyone about the private time you spend with your wad of Princess Bubblegum's hair.
- Marceline: You... kept the shirt I gave you?
- PB: Yeah.. it uh, means a lot to me.
- Marceline: But you never wore it.
- PB: Dude, I wear it all the time! As pajamas.
- PB: Marceline, that's too distasteful!
- Marceline: Oh.. You don't like that? Or do you just not like ME!?
- Finn: What is this gripagrap?!
- PB: It's the door of the Door Lord, Finn. We used to lock them up but they kept breaking out. Cos they're Door Lords.
- Marceline: They broke out because YOU let them live.
- Marceline: Ha!! Looks like you aren't as perfect as you thought. Guess you can't judge me anymore.
- PB: I never said you had to be perfect!
Apple Thief (6a)
- Tree Trunks: Without my apples, I won't make any more apple pies....
- Finn and Jake: NAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!
The Creeps (6b)
- Jake: I'm Randy Butternubs.
- Gummybuns (LSP): Ah gross. Ahh, my lumping body's all hollow now, I gotta put something in it.
- Gummybuns: Maybe he'll be a steaming hot BABE with huge monay.
- Butternubs (Jake): Tut-tut, Lumpy Space Princess! What would your boyfriend Brad say?
- Gummybuns: Brad and I broke up a long time ago, duh!
- Guy Farting (CB): Now's my chance!
- Gummybuns: No. WAY.
- Guy Farting: But... I can make you happy!
- Gummybuns: Puke OFF!! You big donut!
- Hotbod (Finn): Where's Beemo?
- Butternubs: The ghost got him!
- Hotbod: Don't you mean YOU got him? [throws PB off the balcony to couch and himself] GHOST??
From Bad to Worse (7a)
- Bubblegum: Cinnamon Bun? What did you... EEEEEEK!!!
- Cinnamon Bun: SUGAR..!!
- Bubblegum: Just let Science to the work! Science is... MOOORRRAAAHHHH...!!!
- Finn: NAAAAAOOH!!!
- LSP: GET THAT ZOMBIE OUTTA HERE! RAHH!!
- Finn: RAAGH!!
- LSP: Aw naw. I am not getting eaten by zombies tonight. [...] GET THE LUMP.. OUTTA.. HERE!!
- LSP: Oh.. my.. Glob!!
- Finn: Jake, I think this little guy have serious dance fever.
- Finn: Hazelnut! Hazelnut! What if your name was Zelnut, and then I'll be like "Hey, Zelnut!"
- Jake: That's terrible!
- Finn: Hey, Zelnut!
- Jake: NoooOOOOHH!! Stop!
No One Can Hear You (8a)
- Finn: [poking] Jake! Jake!
- Jake: Mmh... what..?
- Finn: I heard a sound coming from the sewer! We should check it out!
- Jake: No man, no, surprise party me when they're ready. Be patient.
- Finn: I'm being patient! I waited all day, Jake!
- Jake: Well, I've been waiting six months!
- ("Six months... Six months... Six months... Six months...")
- Finn: Wait... What're you saying?
- Jake: Everything's gonna be fine... [yawn] even if we have to wait... FOREVER....
- Finn: Boy, it sure is quiet around here! Uh-huh! I'd probably pee all over myself if somebody jumped out and surprised me!
Jake vs. Me-Mow (8b)
Jake: (After throwing meat out the window) WILDBERRY PRINCESS IS DEAD!
Thank You (9a)
- Snow Golem: You... the.. real good. Nice... home.
- Ice King: You know... maybe we could all learn a thing or two from those sandwiches.
The New Frontier (9b)
- Jake: Finn, when I die, my individual Earth consciousness is gonna go all over everywhere while Glob tallies my deeds.
- Finn: ..What?
- Jake: I'm gonna be all around you. In your nose and your dreams and socks — I'll be part of your Earth mind! It's gonna be great!
- Finn: Dude. Stop. Saying. All this. Crazy. Nonsense. It's making me messed up. I'm 13. You're messin' me up.
- Finn: Oh, what!? He build his house on the Sun!? This guy's insane!
- Jake: Finn, did you eat your breakfast?
- Finn: No. Why?
- Jake: Because you forgot how the Sun works. The Sun is actually far away. It's not sitting on the horizon.
- Finn: [beat] Oh. Right on. Let's chase after him!
- Jake: You gotta eat your breakfast, man, you need that protein. Helps your brain!
- Finn: Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Mom. Let's go!
- Jake: Who is it?
- Finn: ...It's the Banana Man.
- Jake: PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFF!!!
- Finn: SHHHH!!!
Holly Jolly Secrets Part I (10a)
- Finn: OK.. you can play this, right Beemo?
- BMO: Yes, Finn. [turns around] It goes in my butt.
- Ice King: "Secret tapes"!?? I wanna watch!
- Finn: Thanks, Gunther.
- [Jake laughs, both munch their biscuits]
- Jake: You're Gunther.
- Finn: There's gotta be some evil secrets in here. I wanna keep watching.
- Jake: Okay.. Well, why don't I make us some snacks? [sluggish] So I don't have to watch this...
- BMO: Can we sit on the floor? I feel so far away from you guys.
- Ice King: [thru Beemo video] "So there we are—Turtle Princess is frozen and in my little ice wheelbarrow and there was.. magic in the air. We were both feeling it... [beat] But before I can leave the library, Finn and Jake show up! You know how Jake is—stretch this, stretch that, bah! He knocks off my crown and then Finn bonks me on the nose! Still hurts too. The worst part is, Turtle Princess took away my library card! [sigh] Y'know, dear diary.. I'm starting to worry that all these entries sound exactly the same, and that my life is just me running in place on some... giant hamster wheel."
- BMO: My alarm says it's time for Finn's bath time. Finn, get naked.
Holly Jolly Secrets Part II (10b)
- Finn: Oh my Glob, Jake. Is this it? Could this be the Ice King's evil secret? [shows ASCII art of Gunther] WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!??
- Jake: DRAMA BO~MB!!
- Ice King: "Well, there ya have it, folks. People are very upset that Gunther tried to eat Ice King's socks. VERY upset. That's why Gunther has to stay in the corner."
- Ice King: Oh, isn't this fun? We're giving each other presents, we're wearing silly clothes, there's snow everywhere... Let's do this every day!
- Jake: Uh...
- Finn: How about once every year?
- Ice King: [chuckles] Okay, that sounds good.
- Simon: "I know my mind is changing... but I'm already too far gone to know what to do. I want people to know that... if I do things... If I do things that hurt anyone, please.. please forgive me...."
- Shelby: And so it was decided that once every year when the weather got chilly that Finn, Jake, the Ice King, BMO, Princess Bubblegum, Marceline the Vampire Queen, Cinnamon Bun, Peppermint Butler, Phil, a candy cane man, one of the Gumdrop girls, Lady Rainicorn, Lumpy Space Princess, that guy, the other guy, a pig, Tree Trunks, a two-headed duck, the old crazy Tart Toter, the Punchbowl, a booger, and Gunter would get together while wearing really big sweaters and watch videos on the floor next to a fire to celebrate the day when Finn and Jake had a fleeting moment of empathy for the biggest weirdo in Ooo. It was a miracle. Good night.
Marceline's Closet (11a)
- Finn: Do you think it's right for Marceline to invite us to jam without Princess and Beemo?
- Jake: It's just a jam sesh. Is that what you're gonna jam with?
- Finn: Yeah, man. Balloon music is the future.
Paper Pete (11b)
- Finn: Hey, this table is wobbly. We gotta take it to the Lost Tinker Goblin of Fog Mountain to fix it.
- Jake: Dude, I would love to go on some crazy, made-up adventure with you, but I really gotta read this. So from here on out, I'm just gonna ignore you.
Another Way (12a)
- Jake: I paid them up front. They don't leave until the job's done. Besides... [honk honk honk!] they're funny. [HHHOOO-PWWOOO!!!] Heheheh! Look! She just farted!
- Shrub: IT'S THE ONLY WAY, YOU UGLY, FAT-SMELLING FATHEAD!!
- Finn: NO!! MY WAY!!!
- Stump: Look, there's only two choices, bro. Take your pick. There's a path on the left. Hair fall out path. No more hair again EVER!!! Or the path on the right. Smelly path. Makes you smelly forever. Mmhm. You won't believe it.
- Clown Nurse: IT'S THE ONLY WAY!!! AH HA HA HA HA!!!
- Finn: I need to cross the river. The Cyclops is over there.
- Shrub: You can't cross this river, it's impossible! Look! The current is so fast, it'll turn your butt inside-out for real, doofus. And the water's so acidic it'll crump your boat in half. It's like orange juice, it's gross. There's a bridge, but it's a trap! Plus, the water's jamming with electric eels! Wow, so weird. ..Anyway, that's it, there's no other way around, you dummy.
- Finn: I was wrong
- Was I wrong?
- Yes, yes
- I was wrong
- How could it be?
- I trusted in my guts
- But ended up all nuts
- I was wrong
- How could it be?
- Listened to my brain
- But ended up insane
- The melons rolled
- Over that lady
- I went too far
- How could it be?
- How did I go... too far?
Ghost Princess (12b)
- Finn: How much softy cheesy for your deezy? A little? A lot?
- Jake: Bleech! NONE!!
- Finn: But you used to love softy cheese!
- Jake: I don't wanna talk about it....
Dad's Dungeon (13a)
- That Guy: Wait! Why don't you wanna take my path?
- Jake: Because. You're super gross, man.
- Holo-Joshua: "The dungeon's 80 paces west of here under a dumb-looking rock. And Finn, this dungeon's gonna kick your tail. I bet you won't even get past the first trial, you whiny baby! "
- Holo-Joshua: "Jake, I need your help. You gotta call Finn a whiny baby."
- Jake: But—
- Holo-Joshua: "Buts are for pooping! Do it for Poppy."
- Holo-Joshua: "Finn, if you're seeing this pre-recorded holo-message, it's because you've finished the dungeon that I made for you. I'm proud of you. You're gonna do great things in this world. I love you, son."
- Demon: Joshua! Return my blood to me! Or by demon's law, I will cut off your love-handles! Joshua, we go way back! [Jake inserts cartridge] C'mon! Just give me back my blood!
- Holo-Joshua: "Kee Oth Rama Pancake! "
- Demon: NOOOOOOOHHH...!!!!
- Jake: [thru Beemo cam] Aw Finn, I'm sorry bro.
- Finn: [weeping] "Beemo, go away! " [turns away, Beemo claps his hands together slowly to his crack]
- BMO: "Woop! Duck.. duck.. duck.. GOOSE!! "
- Finn: "AAHHHH!!!! "
Hot to the Touch (1a)
- Finn: Is that bird.. smoking?
- Bird: Hey! Don't you judge me! It was that fire chick down there that done this to me!
- Jake: She's headed for the Goblin Kingdom! We need to defeat this fiery she-beast!
- Finn: I can't fight her, man! I'm still into her!
- Jake: Finn! What's more important — your love for that screwball dame, or being a hero and saving the lives of innocent goblin folk?
- Finn: [growl] Being a hero.
- Jake: Toasty buns!
- Flame Princess: Finn, even if we like each other, we're going to hurt each other.
- Finn: No! We don't have to! I can take it! I- I mean... can't we try?
- Flame Princess: You would defy nature for me?
- Finn: Uhh, yeah.... whatevs.
- NEPTR: I missed you, Creator!
- Finn: And we missed you too, but NEPTR, right now we need you to—
- NEPTR: To count to 100 while you hide? One, two, three, four, fiv—
- Finn: NEPTR, will you help us build fireproof suits?
- NEPTR: You cannot tell but I am giving a thumb's up.
- Finn: Oh Jake, look at her! She's innocent. Like the steam of a puppy's nose, searching for ham in the snow.
- Jake: Guy drops one piece of ham in the snow and he never hears the end of it! Snap out of it! She's burning cute little flowers!
- Finn: Yeah... she is like a cute little flower.
Five Short Graybles (1b)
- Ice King: You are nasty, Gunter! You a got nasty booty mister! Nasty! Aw, don't be sad Stinky. Come with Daddy and I'll make it all better.
- [Gunter then drifts away from IK]
- Ice King: G'bye Gunter! Sorry sweetie, but I'm never gonna get any princesses if you're stinkin' up the place!
Web Weirdos (2a)
- Jake: A love like theirs will always find a way. It'll crawl all up over you and drain your body fluids, poisoning you slowly until you pass out.
Dream of Love (2b)
- Bubblegum: Cinnamon Bun! Do something!
- Cinnamon Bun: ...Okay. Hey everyone! The concert is over!!
- Bubblegum: That's not what I—
- Cinnamon Bun: THE CONCERT'S OVER, PRINCESS!!!
Return to the Nightosphere (3a)
- Cloud: DOES ANYONE NEED TO GO PEE-PEES?? [one demon raises his hand] GO AHEAD!!
- Guard Demon: You're in the Nightosphere.
- Finn: Are you sure?
- Guard Demon: Uh, yes. You got thrown in jail. Look.
- Hunson Abadeer: NO-ONE!! NO-ONE LEAVES THE NIGHTOSPHERE!!!
- Finn: Excuse me! Excuse me! Big man? Over here!
- Big Demon: Huh? What, me?
- Finn: Uh yeah, how long have you been in line for?
- Big Demon: How long? [crying]
- Finn: Oh buttraps! Jake, stretch us to the front.
- All Demons: NO CUTTING!!!
- Big Demon: I will kill you with all my hopes and regrets!!
- Demon: Charlotte! Don't socialise with the smaller demons! They're dirty and stupid! [zapped into smaller demons] WOAH!!
- Charlotte: Daddy!
TWO DAYS LATER
- [both wheezy and smelly]
- Finn: I can't feel my legs.
FOUR DAYS LATER
- [both quietly crying streams of tears]
EIGHT DAYS LATER
- Finn: Say something!! Say something to me!
- Jake: I can't.. I got nothing to say anymore!
- Finn: Just make up words then!
- Jake: Bloobity bloo bloo blah blee blee blah.. shree shrah...
EIGHTEEN HOURS LATER
- Jake: Hey check it out, we're in front of the line.
Daddy's Little Monster (3b)
- Hunson: See how chaotic it is out there? How everyone's confused and frustrated? The Nightosphere is sustained by chaos.
- [Finn and Jake find Marceline's dad (Hunson) holding a sandwich and mustard from the fridge]
- Finn: What are you doing?
- Hunson: Just grabbing a midnight snack. [shuts fridge]
- Finn: It's Marceline! That's her out there!
- Hunson: I know. Isn't it fantastic?
- Finn: No! We have to save her!
- Hunson: Save her?
- Finn: From the amulet!
- Hunson: But this is what I've always wanted. My daughter, following in his daddy's footsteps.
- Finn: But that's not what she wants!
- Hunson: That's balderdash, baby.
- Jake: "Yoyoyoyo check it! This is Jake on my cameraphone! Waaaaaoohh! Woah woaoh! Yo Finn! Say hi to my new cameraphone!"
- Finn: "Whaddup camera phone!!"
- Finn and Jake: "LELELELELELELELELE..."
- Hunson Abadeer: Don't you want.. ABS?
- Ant Demon: Yeah, gimme abs!
In Your Footsteps (4a)
- Finn: You can sleep in the bathtub.
- Bear: Brathtrub!
- Finn: [laughing] Brathtub! This guy is tops blooby!
Hug Wolf (4b)
- Finn: What the!? Is this an extra butt??
- Jake: ARE YOU READY TO OVERCOME THIS THING??
- Finn: I think so.
- Jake: I said, ARE YOU READY TO OVERCOME THIS THING!!?
- Finn: Yeah. I heard you. I said, "I think so."
- Jake: I'm trying to get ya to shout.
- Finn: Oh.. okay! IS THIS GOOD??
- Jake: Never mind.
- Jake: What's wrong, Beemo?
- BMO: I am terrified of Finn.
- Jake: Hmm... Well, that's plant's not gonna protect you.
- Hug Wolf Finn: Cinnamon Bun... ret me out...
- Cinnamon Bun: I... I-I'm not supposed to!
- Hug Wolf Finn: Don't you want a hug?
- Cinnamon Bun: I can't, man!
- Hug Wolf Finn: Not... even a real one?
- Cinnamon Bun: Huuuhh...
- Hug Wolf Finn: You want a hug?
- Cinnamon Bun: Uuuhh.... YES!!! HUG ME!!!
- Cinnamon Bun: You came into my room around midnight, and gave me a squeeze.. A REALLY STRONG ONE!!
- Finn: JAKE, HURRY!!!
- Jake: Is he crushing you, man?
- Finn: No, he's just- hugging me gently!
- Jake: Oh!
- Finn: HUGS FOR BUDDIEEES!!
- Gumdrop: SHE'LL NEVER MARRY!!!
Princess Monster Wife (5a)
- Finn: Wait... What!?
- LSP: Oh my gosh, how many times do I have to tell you!? Somebody broke into my house and stole my lumps!!
- [all princesses complain]
- Finn: Peebo?
- PB: [half-face gone] Haaeehahahhmahaah...!!
- Jake: YEECH!!
- Finn: Errr... Okay, calm down!
- LSP: How'm I supposed to CALM DOWN!!? LUMPING THIEF IS OUT THERE GETTIN' PHRESH WITH MAH LUMPS!!!
- Jake: LISTEN UP!!! YOU KIDS BETTER STOP DONKIN' AROUND!! YOU'RE GONNA MESS UP GOLIAD!! [barking] IT'S MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY, GET IT!!? I'M DON JUAN CHERRY TEMPO!! NOW MARCH, GLIB BLOBBIT!!! [beat] Don't be acting all crazy...
Beyond This Earthly Realm (6a)
- Ice King: What do you think, Finn? Can we pull back the layer of static and reach into the source of all being? Behind this curtain of patterns, this random pattern generator... so clever, right here in every home, watching us from a one-sided mirror.
- [Finn stares.]
- Ice King: Whoops! Heh, just wizard-talkin' to myself.
- Turtle Princess: "Hey, girl! "
- LSP: Oh, Turtle Princess! This book is coming out awesome!!
- Turtle Princess: "Oh good, girl! I can't wait to read it! "
- LSP: Thanks, girl.
- Turtle Princess: "Goodnight, girl."
- LSP: Goodnight, girl.
- LSP: These lumps AREN'T FOR SALE, BILLY!!!
- LSP: This is way too boring for my book! Oh, my shoulder strap! Ohh! My orange juice is comin' out! Hah! Gotchuh? [kerPLOOP!!]
- Finn: Hehah! Jake! Kerploop!
- Jake: Hehehee! Kerploop!
- LSP: Not "gotcha"?
- Finn: "Wanted Adventure Secretary". [sniff] Smells like fruit pie.
- LSP: [into tape recorder] Finn is overpowered by my lumps than I thought. I guess at the end of the day, it's all about the lumps.
- BMO: Jake, if I beat you, you have to call me Sensei for a month.
- Jake: Deal.
- Jake: LSP, you're wearing garbage for clothes!!
- LSP: [whisper] Gotcha!
Princess Cookie (7a)
- Cookie: I glubbed up!
- Finn: ALVINSHOTJUICEBOX!!! ALVINSHOTJUICE—!!!
- Jake: Milk? Some milk?
- Cookie: What? Oh.. look... you should probably split, buddy. Things are about to get pretty flipped out in here.
- Jake: Oh sure, sorry man. I was just tryin' to get away from that rotten Princess Bubblegum for a while, y'know? Isn't she just the worst?
- Cookie: Wait, you hate Princess Bubblegum too? Get outta here!
- Jake: Oh yeah, man, she's the worst! Sittin' out there all safe and cosy while I'm riskin' my life tootin' around in here in a stupid milkman costume...
- Cookie: Wait--costume!?
- Jake: Oh, um... I just mean it feels like a costume! Cos I wanted to be a mailman so bad, you see? But the Princess--she made me be a milkman anyway.
- Cookie: Boy I here ya, brother.
- Bubblegum: Okay, okay... How about I give you a big cowboy hat... then will you let the hostages go?
- Cookie: No!! No! Don't play games with me, Princess! I want that crown! No crown, no hostages!
- Bubblegum: Well, obviously, that's going to be a problem, because I'M the princess and I need my crown. So...
- Cookie: No, Princess! You are problem, the problem princess! ...Just gimme that crown!
Card Wars (7b)
- Bee-Mo: [lands on Finn's head] Bee-Mo chop! If this were a real attack, [whispers] you'd be dead.
- Jake: I always beat her. Cos she says "No more Card Waring."
- Jake: Hiding in the Useless Swamp — the Immortal Maizewalker!
- Immortal Maizewalker: I LOVE CORRRRNNN!!!
- Finn: I floop the pig.
- Jake: Okay, first of all, you don't floop a creature to make it fight. You activate a creature.
- Finn: Hmm, no — it says I can floop the pig. See? (vwop)
- [the pig is flooped onto the battlefield. It runs past the Knights and Bloodstorm and begins eating the cornfields]
- Jake: No! He's eating all my cornfields! My Husker Knights draw energy from corn! (PWUOP!!)
- Finn: And since I'm not actually attacking, your Cerebral Bloodstorm only does damage to your own kingdom's troops. (KWRASH!!)
- Jake: Haaah!! You just wiped out my entire attack!
- Finn: What do you expect if all your power units come from corn? Pigs eat corn, dude. Cornfields STINK.
Sons of Mars (8a)
- Abraham Lincoln: Magic Man, I give you two choices. One is total annihilation. The Wand will touch you, and your soul will meet with Death. The second is to use the power of the Wand to convert your body to living stardust, where your consciousness will be jettisoned into the infinite cosmos, on an endless journey of wonder and discovery!
- Grob: I'm gonna activate the thingy that drains his magic juice.
- Gob: Magic Man, you caused nothing but turmoil and chaos for us on Mars. We thought banishing you to this world would help you see the light of our utopian supersociety. Now tell us. What have you learned in these past 200 years?
- Jake (Magic Man): ...Are you guys talkin' to me?
- Glob: You know you made life on Mars a nightmare!
- Grob: I think I see him.
- Grod: Yes, I see him as well.
- Glob: Hey guys?
- Grob/Grod: What, Glob?
- Glob: ...Nothing, never mind.
- Gob: Turn on the dark! [lights out, projector on] Okay, so we don't have footage of these crimes. But Grod's pretty good at drawing so... Plague of Shadows. Magic Man brought our shadows to life. They attacked us, and ravaged Mars. Very impressive, Grod.
- Grod: Thanks, bro. [squirts screen]
- Gob: To the Plague of the Oneness. As we gathered to hold hands and sing our community song, Magic Man cast an evil spell that made our arms grow together. [drawn with tears] Much suffering ensued. And what about that one-time when he turned all the water into hair? And we all got so thirsty we drank it. And when we drank it we went bald! Many of us did not recover. And to this day, hide our loss behind groovy headgear. Dark off, please.
- Tiny Manticore: I am the true coward. Hiding from sincere expressions like a vampire in the nude hides from the light. Thank you, brave hero. I was freed from bottle jail, but my new prison is shame. MY NEW PRISON IS SHAME!!
Burning Low (8b)
- Jake: [forming his arm into a staircase with 15 steps] Let me explain some junk about dating. Right now you're at Tier 1, which is hugging. But pretty soon you'll be at Tier 2, which is smooching. Then, down the road you'll make it to Tier 5, where she'll let you discover all fifteen feet of her long, beautiful stomach. Then after a while, you'll make it to Tier 8, where you touch her horn for the very first time. Very special.
- Finn: What about Tier 15?
- Jake: [sharply] You stay away from that! Do not do Tier 15!!!
- Finn: Dude, I got no idea what you're talking about.
BMO Noire (9a)
- BMO: Just tell me where the sock is, and I'll let you go.
- Ronnie: "I don't know, man!"
- BMO: What if I put some knuckle in your eyeballs? Would that help you think?
King Worm (9b)
- Pep But: You need to find this worm and break it.
- Finn: Find the worm? But you got him right there! Hahh! [no worm but a spoon]
- Phil: [peeks out behind Pep But] SATORI!!
Lady & Peebles (10a)
- Ice King: [echoed thru vent] This is total bunk, you copier! You're only in love with her cos I'm in love with her!!
- Lady Rainicorn: Ice King!
- Ice King: I've been playing this game a lot longer than you, pal! I've been working my moves, smooth-talking her, showing her magic tricks! Don't ignore me! Come back!!
You Made Me (10b)
- Lemongrab: Blombo, what is that?
- Jamaica: What?
- Lemongrab: On Blombo's ears?
- Jamaica: That's his headphones!
- Lemongrab: Blombo, take them off! Blombo! You must heed my INSTRUCTIONS!!! TAKE OFF YOUR THIIIINGS!!!
- Toughy: Woah! Settle down, Lemongrease!
- Lemongrab: I-I am not GREASE!! THIS IS UNACCEPTABAAAAHHHHHHLE!!!!!
- Blombo: What? What's goin' on?
- Lemongrab: All unfit citizens of Lemongrab must be reconditioned!
- Blombo: Man, are you crazy!?
- Lemongrab: YAAAAAAAHHHHOOOOU MEEEEEEEAHHIIEE!!!!
- Finn and Jake: Show us now!
- Banana Guards: Show you what?
- Finn and Jake: What you said!
- Banana Guards: We didn't say nothin'!
- Finn and Jake: It's too late for take-backs! We practically know everything already! NOW SHOW US!!
Who Would Win (11a)
- Figure: Awaken to your dream, Finn and Jake!
- Finn: Whoa! Who are you?
- Figure: I am the Dream Warrior. I've summoned you here to hang with me in your together dream.
- Finn: Are you gonna show us a move to beat The Farm?
- Dream Warrior: First, listen. Then wake up.
- Finn: All right.
- Dream Warrior: I have cheap cars. My cars are chee-e-eap.
- Finn and Jake: My cars are cheap.
- Dream Warrior: But they drive bad when I turn out the lights!
- Finn and Jake: Turn out the lights.
- Dream Warrior: These sweatpants have another name.
- Finn and Jake: Another name.
- Finn: Yeah. Don't you always call sweatpants "give-up-on-life pants," Jake?
- Jake: I do because peeps need to respect themselves when they leave the house... even if it's just for ice cream, or TP, or whatevs.
- Dream Warrior: Two shiny golden apples, ripe enough to bite.
- Finn and Jake: Bite.
- Dream Warrior: [bite!] That's all I gotta say for now. Get lost.
- Jake: What is going on here, Dream Warrior!?
- Finn: Yeah! What this all about!?
- Dream Warrior: Nap's over, sorry!
- Finn: EYOWW!!!
Ignition Point (11b)
- Finn: What's going on with the costumes?
- Costumed Fire Actor: This is a theater troop, we're getting ready to preform for the king. Everyone in the kingdom shall be in attendance. Ofcourse, you know all this being fellow actors from the exact same troop.
- Jake: I have an idea. We'll go on stage, act like two conspirators. You'll have one shoe untied, I will talk with hiss voice. We'll talk about how we wanna kill the king. As we do this we'll study the faces of the audience and look for guilty reaction.
- Finn: That's brilliant!
- Jake: Thanks, it's an original idea. By me.
- Finn: Water? You know what's even more painful? If we pour ice in his ear. That's how we'll kill the Flame King.
- Flame King: Kill the Flame King? This is treason disguised as a play. Guards, seize them!
- Flame King: Furnius and Torcho!
- Furnius: Hello, uncle.
- Flame King: Arrest the executioners. I thought I had you two extinguished.
- Furnius: You cannot quench the flames of revenge.
- Torcho: You snuffed out our father to become king!
- Furnius: Oh, yeah. [Laughs]. Take them to the punishment room.
The Hard Easy (12a)
- Mudscamp Elder: I'm so sorry about that. We-we secreet stink oil all day, out our awful-sauce glands. You know, I guess I should have warned you.
Reign of Gunters (12b)
- Jake: You're not gonna tell her the plan?
- Finn: No, I gotta be mysterious.
- Jake: What? I thought you weren't into Bubblegum anymore!
- Finn: I'm not. But this is how I act now with all the ladies, you see? I keep 'em in a state of confusion. That way, I've always got options in case Flame Princess doesn't work out.
- Jake: Oh my gosh!! Where is this coming from!?
- Finn: It's called "future farming." I read it in that book ["Mind Games"] you have by Jay T. Dawgzone.
- Jake: JAY T. DAWG— awww, dude!! Don't read that book!! It's gonna mess up your brain! I keep that book around for laughs. It's all really bad advice!
- Finn: Oh, okay. I'll stop it, then.
- Jake: No, well... you can still be mysterious—that's fine.
- Finn: What? Now I'm confused.
- Jake: Never mind, I didn't say nothin'.
I Remember You (13a)
- Marceline: Marceline, is it just you and me in the wreckage of the world?
- That must be so confusing for a little girl
- And I know you're going to need me here with you
- But I'm losing myself and I'm afraid you're going to lose me too
- Ice King: Ooh yeah! Keep it going!
- Marceline: Oh! Um... This magic keeps me alive
- But it's making me crazy
- And I need to save you
- But who's going to save me?
- Please forgive me for whatever I do
- When I don't remember you
- Ice King: Wow! I wrote that? Hot stuff!
- Marceline: What? You don't remember what it means!? [...] LOOK!!
- Ice King: ...Marceline
- I can feel myself slipping away
- I can't remember what it made me say
- But I remember that I saw you frown
- I swear it wasn't me, it was the crown
- This magic keeps me—
- Together: —Alive,
- But it's making me crazy
- And I need to save you
- But who's going to save me?
- Please forgive me for whatever I do
- When I don't remember you~
- Please forgive me for whatever I do
- When I don't remember you.
- Da dah
- Da da da da da dah
- Da da, da da da dah
- Daaahhh... / Dadah.. da.. dah...
- Bear: Dark times are coming.
- Jake: BILLY, WAKE UP!!!
- Billy: What the heck are you guys doing in my crack!? It's 3 o'clock in the morning!!
- Finn: Oh you know, just droppin' by to say hello, see what you been uhhhhhh... up to what uhh... How are these days..?
- Jake: We came to see if you're dead.
- Billy: What? Why would I be dead?
- Finn: Hehe yeah.. stupid, umm... I had a dream about a bear and an old lady and a snail, and you were there and the snail killed you or something.
- Billy: Was the Cosmic Owl there?
- Finn: Uhh... yeah, on TV. Does that count?
- Billy: Your dream is an ill omen of grave significance.
- Billy: Finn?
- Finn: Yeah?
- Billy: Are you ready to come with me on a mission to save all life from the Lich?
- Finn: ...Yes.
Finn the Human (1a)
- Prismo: Did you guys see that? You know there was a ghost wearing a dead guy. That might be the nastiest thing I've ever seen. N-n-n-n-nasty! Nasty jazz! Nas—
- Jake: Hey, hey! Easy, buddy! That's our friend, Billy! He got possessed by the Lich!
- Prismo: Oh, sorry! Sorry, I didn't mean nothin' by it! I mean, I have a lot of nasty friends, and my uncle was nasty. I'm basically honorary nasty.
- Big Destiny: Huh? What is this? Are you tellin' me what to wear, Trammy?
- Trammy: No, boss! You look good!
- Big Destiny: You think I should reinvent my style, and put a stupid thing on my head!!?
- Trammy: No, man!! You tell us what to wear!
- Big Destiny: Otherwise you would dress like an idiot!! Bam! Crown shorts!
- Prismo: Actually, it depends on the wish I granted him.
- Finn: Wish?
- Prismo: Yeah, he wished for the extinction of all life and I did it. Guess it changed his timeline or something?
- Finn: WHAT!!?? OH GLOB!!
- Simon: "The crown... go get it..."
- Marceline: I know you're not really talking to me... I'm not crazy!
- Simon: "Get the crown... Go get it!! "
- Marceline: Ugh...
- Simon: "GET THE CROWN, MARCELINE!! GO GET IT!! "
- Marceline: I can't! My knees...
- Simon: "Well, that's really disappointing, I must say. I'm just... Whatever, you're really letting me down right now."
- Marceline: Okay, alright. [prip]
- Finn: I wish... the Lich... never.. even EVER existed...
Jake the Dog (1b)
- Lich: I wish... for the extinction of all li-i— ..for Finn and Jake to go back home to Ooo. Huh!? No wait! That's not what I wished for—!
- Prismo: Sorry guy, you only get one wish. Hey Jake. Did you see that? Monkey's paw.
- Ice King: Now honey, I told you. You could take the sign off when you tell me where you hid Daddy's crown jewels.
- Gunter: Wenk.
- Ice King: Gunter! ..Huh? [the jewels fly him away] Ooh wowzers!
Five More Short Graybles (2a)
- Finn/Jake: OhwhatagodboyamI!
- Jake: Little Jack Horner
Sat on a corner
Eating a Christmas pie
He put in his thumb
And pulled out a plum
And said, "What a good boy am I!"
- Ice King: Ahhh, sweetie, this is bliss. Feels so math to finally be normal. Hah, not like those two freaks. [points to Finn and Jake sticking their thumbs in a snowman] What are they doin' over there? Anyway, I— Ohh, who's that?
- [He looks at his other foot and there is a winking face on it]
- Ice King: Oh. Oh my.
Up a Tree (2b)
- Finn: [deep breath] POOPED.
All the Little People (3a)
- Finn: So it's not good to weigh someone's qualities against your own?
- Jake: Well, no. I mean, if you feel something, you FEEL something. It’s not about personality matrixals and charts – it’s all about the bu-bumps in your heart! You can’t stop the pumps and bumps! Pumps and bumps! Pumps and bumps!!
- Finn: PB, you hang out with Lady. C-listers, go back in the bag.
- Jake: Who's in C-list?
- Finn: Uh... Tiffany, Donny... well, he's okay. Xergiok... a buncha these guys!
- Jake: That's not very nice.
- Finn: Don't worry, man. They'll get involved eventually.
- Jake: Involved with what?
- Finn: I dunno, involved.
- Jake: No, don't play with that hack! [shreds with little IK] Ah, man! Hmm... They got good chemistry. Who'da guessed?
- Finn: Chemistry....
- Jake: I'll make a special spagot with a new sauce.
- Magic Man: I'm not coming back.
- Jake: You're up early.
- Finn: I didn't sleep.
- Jake: You stayed up all night reading trash books?
- Finn: Hm.
- Jake: Told you man, those dating books... [slurp] That stuff is mess-you-up.
- Finn: I'm not reading. I'm playing with the little wees.
- Jake: Ah, lemme see little me! Me looks so lonely. Hey Finn, pass me little Lady!
- Finn: Uh, you guys broke up.
- Jake: Wha?
- Finn: She's with someone else now.
- Jake: Who!?
- Finn: He's a cool guy. Don't worry about it.
Jake the Dad (3b)
- Jake: [shouts holo-message speaker] The puppies aren't moving!
- Holo-Margaret: PERFORM CPR, THEY MIGHT BE DEAD!!
- Jake Jr.: Dad, the manual's a BUNCHA JUNK!! Just give us a chance.
- Jake: Jake Jr.! You said your first words! "The manual's a buncha junk!" The manual's a buncha junk??
- Finn: No more Davey!
- Davey: But you love being Davey.
- Finn: I do love being Davey but being Davey caused Jake to be arrested!
- Davey: But remember that time when Davey sat in the park and saw some people walkin' around?
- Finn: Yeah, that was nice.
- Davey: And remember that time when Davey swept the floors?
- Finn: Hehehe... Yeah, that was great too. But...
- Davey: Do you really wanna go back to bein' a famous hero? Why not just be Davey? Simple man with simple goals and simple problems... You can just blend in and live the simple life.
- Finn: Yeah, blend in... Y'know, maybe I'll be Davey... just one more time. One more time...
Mystery Dungeon (4b)
- Lemongrab: Awake! Avast! Hold tight your buns, if buns you do hold dear, for time has come wake and run AND NOT GIVE WAY TO FEAR!!!
- Tree Trunks: What are those awful words?
- Lemongrab: I'm reading the wall. They are wall words.
- Lemongrab: Ice King, how do you taste?
- Ice King: Nice, I guess?
- Lemongrab: MILD OR SPICY!??
- Ice King: Oh, uh...
- Ice King: Kinda lonely.
- Ice King: Well that's it, show's over. I'll just die here and y'all can eat my body if you want to survive...
All Your Fault (5a)
- Lemongrab 1: It doesn't matter anymore.
- Lemongrab 2: There is no more candy to horde. Let them keep what crumbs they find.
- [sniff-sniff sniff, lick]
- Lemongrab 2: For there are no crumbs.
- Lemongrabs: MMMMNNOOOOOO CUUURRUUUMMBS!!!
Little Dude (5b)
- Wizard: Whomever the hat possesses gains the proportional strength of a hat! Look out, he's got the horse again!!
- Finn: Didn't Lady tell you not to use the Sassage flare?
- Jake: Yeah.
- Finn: Well, don't abuse it man, cos you're gettin'...
- Jake: I'm gettin' what?
- Finn: Cos you're getting fat.
Bad Little Boy (6a)
- Marshall Lee: Don't you know I'm a villain? Every night I'm out killin', sending everyone running like children. I know why you're mad at me. I've got demon eyes, and they're looking right through your anatomy, into your deepest fears. Baby, I'm not from here, I'm from the Nightosphere. To me, you're clear, transparent. You got a thing for me, girl; it's apparent.
Vault of Bones (6b)
- Finn: I shall grant thee clemency.. if you do the splits. DO the splits!!
- Skeleton: I-I can- I can't do the s-splits.
- Finn: DO THE SPLITS THOU MILK-LEVERED MAGGOT PIE!!!
- Finn: Whoo! Hot Daniel, Flame Princess! I though you were gonna burn me alive!
- FP: No way. I'd never do that to my boyfriend.
The Great Bird Man (7a)
- Finn: Huh...? Where am I?
- Man: This is the rookery, where I and my bird friends dwell!
- Finn: So are you like the Great Bird Man?
- Man: That's what they call me nowadays. But when I first met you Finn, and you Jake, you knew me as XERIGOK THE GOBLIN KING!!!
- Finn & Jake: WHAAAA!??
Simon & Marcy (7b)
- Simon: I call upon the power of ice and snow! Ice winds, blow!!
- Finn: Marceline, why'd you invite Ancient Chubs to play basketball?
- Jake: Yeah!
- Marceline: Hahh... [beat] Well, he's very dear to my heart. I love him.
- Jake: ..What you are talking about, Marceline?
- Marceline: We've been around for a long time. We've had a long history together, it's.. it's a long story.
- Finn: Lay it on us.
- Jake: Yeah! Lay it out, Marcy!
- Ice King: Yeah, lay down, Marceline! Go to sleep. Right, what're we talkin' about?
- Simon: Hey, little lady -- how about a ride on an old man's back, hm?
- Marcy: I can walk. I'm not a child, Simon.
- Simon: Look, sweetie, someday you'll be too big to hold. I'm as old as garlic balls if someone offered to pick me up and carry me, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Take it, we can get it.
- Marcy: Achoo! [laughing]
- Simon: Gross. You're gross.
- Marcy: You're gross, Simon!
- Simon: We're both gross, darling.
- Simon: Hey, check it out, a VHS tape. You wanna watch a movie?
- Marcy: Yeah!
- Simon: Man, this is a boring movie. [Marcy giggles] I like the book much better.
- Simon: Vandalism is wrong, Marcy.
- Marcy: Okay.
- Simon: Marceline, cover your ears! [kicks Clambulance] MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER!!
- Simon: Marcy, look! I-I found chicken soup! You're gonna feel awesome in a moment.
- Marcy: I'm just glad— [nom, gulp] ..you're okay.
- Simon: Do you feel awesome?
- Marcy: Mmhm. I love you, Simon.
- Simon: I love you... Gunter.
A Glitch Is a Glitch (8a)
- Finn: How do we stop the computer worm, you pile of goo!!?
- Ice King: [cackling] My worm exists beyond your comprehension within the universal source code!
- Finn: STOP TALKING LIKE A NERD AND GIVE IT TO US STRAIGHT!!!
- Jake: Finn, festering's always bad, man! There's no good kind of festering!! FIIINN!!!
- Finn: This place is weird.
- Roselinen: Are you telling me that birds in your world don't poo little pillows?
- Finn: Naw, just regular poo.
- Jake: I mean, here you are chillin' with history's coolest friends building an actual pillow fort, but you just sit there sulkin'. I'm like, what gives?
- Finn: [sigh] I guess I'm just thinking about Flame Princess. I told her a joke the other day and she didn't even laugh, or anything. Guess it's over between us.
- Jake: That's it? A joke?
- BMO: Maybe she just didn't get it yet.
- Finn: Yeah right, Beemo. More like she used up all her laughs on some other guy's jokes, probably.
- Finn: Alphanumeric!
- Jake: "You're getting all hung up on imaginary problems. Stay with your new wife! You've known her longer now than any of us. You're not even sure if I ever really existed! And I'm pretty sure I didn't look like this."
- Finn: That was Flame Princess. She said she didn't get my joke until now—and that it's really funny and awesome.
- BMO: Haha, I knew it!
- Jake: Yeah, that's great, man. Now what about this dream?
- Finn: What dream?
- Jake: The dream you were just talking about?
- Finn: Huh?
- Jake: Just a second ago?
- Finn: [shrugs]
- Jake: The DREAM you just had in the pillow fort?
- Finn: Pfffbb.
BMO Lost (9a)
- BMO: Okay, easy does it. Easy... easy...
- Worm: Hey man, it's safe in here!! You can hide in here! Oh shoot, man, uh-oh...
Princess Potluck (9b)
- Finn: Man, I wish I had my other sock. This callus is gonna junk up my good time at PB's potluck.
- Jake: Don't worry man, we're gonna have a ton of fun. We'll eat some melon, I'll get some compliments on my pretty makeup...
- Finn: You look like a target.
- Jake: I look pretty!!
James Baxter the Horse (10a)
- BMO: Oh, oh BMO, how'd you get so pregnant?
- Who's the mother, oh who's the father?
- Shh, I'll tell you if you keep it a secret
- We will, we will, we will
- All right, last night, an electric presence came into my room and said,
- "BMO, I need your perfect body to host the human incarnation of a baby~!"
- [holding their signs]
- Jake: ("I'm not talking today")
- Finn: ("ME TOO")
The Suitor (11a)
- Pep But: Where is he? Where's Braco?
- Bubblegum: I let him go, Peps. I knew he couldn't be happy without me, so I built him a robo-wife.
- Pep But: You should given him to ME!!
The Party's Over, Isla de Señorita (11b)
- Finn: Ice King, get out of Princess—
- Ice King: I'M LEAVING!!!
One Last Job (12a)
- Tonya: Hey boss, I wanted to—
- Boss: Shut up Tonya, I gotta see my ex-wife!
Another Five More Short Graybles (12b)
- Bubblegum: Cinnamon Bun, you can't sleep with the nightlight anymore. You're basically 30. It's starting to bum everyone out.
- Cinnamon Bun: I CAN'T HANDLE THIS DENIAL OF LIIIGHT!!!
- Bubblegum: Yeah, well...
Candy Streets (13a)
- Finn: LSP, who robbed you?
- LSP: [drugged] It WA~S... Puh- Pete.. PE–ETE.. Sah.. SASS ASS!! Blablablahbllbhaahh....
Wizards Only, Fools (13b)
- Finn: I got traumatised by those underpanties. This sucks.
- Finn: Hey Jake?
- Jake: What?
- Finn: Is PB straight-up naked right now?
- Jake: Dude, don't make me feel any more awkward than I already do!
- Ice King: [on tape recorder] "No way! I'm no rat! I am bound by the sacred trust of esoteric knowledge!"
- PB: "Say the password, Ice King!"
- Ice King: "You think I'll just hand you the keys to the city? I'd rather DIE."
- PB: "Say the password."
- Ice King: "OW!! MY PINKY!! Ow.. Thank you. You know, no one has touched me in months. Could you touch me again?"
- PB: "PASSWORD!! NOW!!! "
- Ice King: "AHH!! OH OWW~!!! WIZARDS RULE!! THE PASSWORD IS "WIZARDS RULE!"
- Grandmaster Wizard: Wizard prison! All of you! Wizard prison!
- PB: Rubeldubel dingeldongel-PFFT.
Sky Witch (15a)
- PB: Now, make a fist with your brain and PUNCH against sleepytimes! SAY NOO!! NOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!! Don't go ungentle into that good night.
- PB: Raggedy Princess can make you a new Hambo in like three seconds. A Raggedy Princess can BE your new Hambo. She'd do it too. That girl has like, zero self-respect. Haha. That's mean. Don't tell her I said that.
- Marceline: ..You killed him??
- PB: Don't be dense! Hambo can't even talk! Snap out of it, girl.
- Marceline: He's been with the witch this whole time! Maybe he can talk now!
- Marceline: Where are you Maja, you creep?!
- PB: Micro... and macro... the picture... becomes... clear.... aaand... Call it! Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, wait — YES.
Frost & Fire (15b)
- Ice King: Ahh! My hams!!
- Flame Princess: What did you say to me?
- Ice King: Uuh.. wha? What did I say?
- Flame Princess: [gasp!] It IS in the tone of your voice.
- Ice King: Look, just take whatever you want, okay? Take it all! It's all just prunes! Prunes and liver! Frozen, of course.
- Ice King: And I didn't get to test my new fireproof grundies.
- Finn: "Man. I need to have that dream again. I have to get Flame Princess to beat down Ice King again."
- Finn: [speeding] "Dear Ice King, you smell like stink, you're unpleasant, you're not funny, you're old, blahblahblahblah, sincerely love, Flame Princess. P.S. Let us fight!!" HAHHHRR!! "Dear Flame Princess, you're just the worst, your hair is bad, your feet smell like face cheeks, blahblahblah, let's meet up and fight, dummy, sincerely, Ice King." [checking] Hm. Flame Princess fight Ice King.
- PB: What is all that noise? Ach, mein Glöb!!
- Cosmic Owl: You blew it.
- Ice King: You blew it, man.
Too Old (16a)
- Finn: Now give us back Lemonhope or prepare for mo'e pranks!
- Lemongrab 1: DUNGEON!!!!
- Lemongrab 2: Hmm... Acceptable...
- Lemongrab 1: WHAATT!!!? UNACCEPTABLE!!!!
- Lemongrab 2: Acceptable....
- Lemongrab 1: UNACCEPTABLE!!!! UNACCEPTABLE!!!!
Root Beer Guy (22a)
- Root Beer Guy: [typewriting in voiceover] "I knew there was trouble. I could smell it on the hot evening breeze. Fortunately for me, trouble is my favorite thing... because I'm Joe Milkshake. I kicked down the door with one swift decisive motion".. No... "With one swift and decisive motion, I kicked down the door"— No! "The door was kicked down by me swiftly, with not many motions but a whole lot of decisiveness was used by me that was apparent to everybody."
- Root Beer Guy: Hello? I'd like to take a few minutes of your time to tell you about an amazing vitamin supplement. But first, just let me ask you: do you ever feel that no matter what you eat, you're still tired and sluggish and.. filled with nagging anxiety and doubt and....
- Root Beer Guy: Alright, you two, what were you doing last night with Princess Bubblegum!?
- Finn/Jake: Uhh... / Hmm...
- Jake: We were home last night.
- Finn: Yeah, we were doing that... thing.
- Jake: That was a great thing we were doing at home with no other witnesses.
- Finn: But we're each other's witnesses.
- Finn/Jake: [hi-fives] Yeah!
- Root Beer Guy: But I saw you!
- Finn: [leans closer at RBG] Look, man. You didn't see nothing!
- Marceline: A-one, a-two, a-one two three four...
- Finn: Wait!
- Marceline: What?
- Finn: Why're you holding your bass up high like that?
- Marceline: Mm, I get better finger action this way.
- Finn: But you look like a nerd. [...] Move it back down. It's better.
- Jake: Move the bass down.
- Finn: A-move the bass a-down.
- Jake: Be reasonable.
- Bella Noche: And now... it will be yours.
- Ice King: And mine!
- Forest Wizard: What the blood!? Ice King!
- Ice King: Listen dudes, all I want is to be in the club and plus-up my magic, what's the problem?
- Laser Wizard: Your life is my problem.
- Finn: Do you remember anything when you were the Ice King?
- Simon: Nothing specific, just dream-like impressions.
- Finn: Do you still have impressions from all the times you flip your bricks?
- Simon: I have... bruises.
Bad Timing (25a)
- Jake: Ehh... it's not really time travel, though. You just, y'know, move their stuff around. It didn't really manipulate time. Ice King's done it better before, with magic.
- Mudscamp Elder: Well, I enjoyed your presentation very much, Princess. Thank you for inviting me.
- PB: NO!!! For all intense in purposes, they travel back to an earlier point in their time.
- Jake: Eh, I guess, but not really. I mean, Ice King did it for real. Guy pulled his fiancee outta time from a thousand years ago using magic.
- Mudscamp Elder: Hey time, where's my fiancee, am I right? [jingle-jingle, Jake laughs]
- PB: Jake, don't deny my science! THIS is a time travel machine!
Lemonhope Part One (25b)
- Lemongrab: "In conclusion, no one needs to come here ever, especially Lemonhope and I ate my brother, goodbye!"
- [LG's body ruptures even more worser and LG 2 comes out]
- Lemongrab 2: "SAVE US, LEMONHOPE!!! YOU'RE OUR ONLY LEMONHO—"
Lemonhope Part Two (26a)
- Bubblegum: Young Lemonhope
- Born of candy and glue
- Creator of beauty,
- And ugliness too.
- Poor Lemonhope
- I found you in the dark
- You lived in the bathroom,
- Now live in our hearts.
- Sweet Lemonhope
- Freed by hard sacrifice
- To live in the kingdom
- Of sugar and spice.
- Lost Lemonhope
- Longed for freedom above
- Compassion or friendship,
- Wisdom or love.
- Strong Lemonhope
- Risking freedom and health
- Came back for his brothers
- And for himself.
- Safe Lemonhope
- No more will you roam
- Once you were lost
- And now you’re back home.
Billy's Bucket List (26b)
- Finn: "Lie on my back in the ocean." Cool. RRRRRRHNN!!! ...Why the ocean, Billy!?
- Finn: Off the dome, here we go. Unh.
- I'm-a started now. I'm-a battle now.
- We gonna make a rhyme, so I can rap this time.
- I rap for millions...
- Finn: What's the thing you wanted to tell me?
- Billy: Oh, uh... You must go to the citadel. That's where your father is.
- Finn: Joshua's not alive. Me and Jake buried him behind the--
- Billy: Not Joshua! Your other dad. Dad the Human.
- Finn: What?
- Billy: Your father, Finn. He's alive! He's alive. (He's alive... He's alive...)
Wake Up (1a)
- Gob: Denise, we have concluded you're an interesting and conventionally hot woman. My siblings and I would like to request a date with you. Are you available for a date with — Glob on Saturday, Grod on Friday, Grob on Thursday, or Gob on Sunday? Please select your dates now.
- Jake: LICH!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!! RAAAAHHHH!!!!
- Finn: Dude... I found out my human dad is still alive.
- Jake: Whoa, what?
- Finn: He's at someplace called the Citadel.
- Jake: Waoh! Are.. are you gonna go see him?
- Finn: I dunno. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe's there a good reason he didn't raise me. Like, he was probably captured by thieves and kept a slave for years.
- Jake: Yeah—or maybe he was ambushed in the wild and hid you, so you wouldn't be captured too.
- Finn: Yeah.. maybe it's better not to rock the boat.
- Jake: But... it might also be good to find out if got any genetic wrist factors or allergies or whatever. Plus, you get to see what you look like as an old guy. Could be cool.
- Finn: Heh... I guess it would be okay to meet him. Just to know what I look like.
- Jake: Cool.
- Jake: HEY, GET OUTTA HERE, OLD MAN!!!
- Finn: [low] Dude, shh. Don't wake him up. [Jake shrinks his head and knocks quietly]
- Jake: Hey, get outta here, old man.
Escape from the Citadel (1b)
- Lich: You are alone, child.
- Lich: There is only darkness for you, and only death for your people. These ancients are just the beginning. I will command a great and terrible army... and we will sail to a billion worlds. We will sail until every light has been extinguished. You are strong, child. But I am beyond strength. I am the end. [...] And I have come for you, Finn.
- Tree Trunks: Mr. Pig, I think we should get a di— [ding-dong]
- Jake: [o.s.] Okay, run! Go, go, go, go!!
- [Mr. Pig and TT open the front door]
- Tree Trunks: Ohh! Oh, this changes everything! [see Lich Baby in a basket]
- Lich Baby: Hello!
James II (2a)
- Finn: Is this... James heaven?
- Banana Guard 1: Hey guys, it's the picture of one of the perpetrators. Take a good look.
- All Banana Guards: Oooooohh.
- Bubblegum: There's 25 of 'em.
- Banana Guard 1: [beat] I need to see the other 24 pictures.
- Bubblegum: Nope, you only need that one.
- Banana Guard 1: ..What?! How can one picture identify 25 perpetrators?
- Bubblegum: It's because they all look the same. [BG1 stares picture for a beat]
- Banana Guard 1: ...Oh okay, I see. [turns to all BGs] There's 25 of 'em! They all look like this guy!
- Banana Guard 2: Uh, how can 25 guys look like one guy? You mean they're vigintiquintuplets?
- Banana Guard 1: [faces PB] You mean they're vigintiquintuplets?
- Bubblegum: No, they're clones.
- Banana Guard 1: What are clones?
- Bubblegum: [sigh] A group of organisms or cells produced asexually from one ancestor or stock to which they are genetically identical.
- Banana Guard 1: How did that happen?
- Bubblegum: It's a long story.
- Banana Guard 1: I love long stories.
- Bubblegum: GAHH!! There's no time!
- Banana Guard 1: And they're not brothers?
- Bubblegum: No — they're not brothers, they're clones!
- [both Finn and Jake laughing on CK's giant walls, which PB hears]
- Bubblegum: HEY!!! Get down here and help me!!
- Bubblegum: Hahh... Vigintiquintuplets, I'm telling you....
The Tower (2b)
- Finn: Baby's building a tower in to space
- Space is where he's gonna find his dad
- Daddy's got an arm, and baby's gonna harm his arm
- By tearing it off his dad.
- BMO: Hey Jake, where's— [bonked by falling ice block, resurfaces] Where's Finn?
- Jake: Finn's just working some stuff out. AND IT'S HEALTHY!!
- Bubblegum: It's not healthy!! It's bizarre and he could get hurt!
- Jake: FEELINGS HURT!!
- Bubblegum: Yeaahh!
- Jake: Euuggghhh!!
- BMO: ...Aaahh.
Sad Face (3a)
- Ringmaster: Too much artsy, not enough fartsy. We talked about this, clown!
- LSP: AHH!!! WATCH IT, CRAB PRINCESS!!
- Crab Princess: I'm sorry.
- LSP: You ain't my man! SO WHY'RE YOU ALL UP IN MY LUMPS!!?
The Prince Who Wanted Everything (5a)
- LSP: It's me, Ice King.
- Ice King: Lumpy Space Princess?
- LSP: Yeah.
- Ice King: And you're doing this because you like me?
- LSP: No, Ice King, listen—I'monna give you the straight dough.
- Ice King: Okay.
- LSP: You're weird and old and you kidnap princesses.
- Ice King: I know!
- LSP: But I asked here tonight because I want to know what you think of this. [presents a book]
- Ice King: "The Prince Who Wanted Everything. A Fionna and Cake Adventure"? Hey, why isn't my name on there?
- LSP: I want you to read it, because you're their dad. Please be their dad right now and bring them to life!
- Ice King: [sigh] Okay, might as well. Least until the cops show up.
- Lumpy Space Prince: Citizens of this realm, I am the one and only heir to the throne of the Lumpy Space Kingdom. I mean, I used to be. I rebelled against my parents and now I'm a refugee.
- Lumpy Space Prince: What's that? You wish to help me? I'm touched! Fetch me some clothes and I'll pay you handsomely, by petting you. First, I need freaky clothes! Cool freaky, not monster freaky. Oh, yes—and something to read as well, something mind blowing.
- [the animals then leave]
- Lumpy Space Prince: Oh, wait! I also need servants! Recruit some locals, they won't mind.
Ghost Fly (9a)
- Jake: Maybe some soup would take the edge off.
- Jake: Eww, gross!! NASTY!!! [runs off, back and thwacks it with fly swatter] Yahh!
- [it bangs off the side, wiggles and dies soon after]
- Jake: I'm sorry you were born a fly and I had to kill you. You disgusting, disgusting creature.
- BMO: [offscreen] Kyah! Kyah!
- Jake: BEEMO, PLEASE!!!!