Alien Loves Predator
Alien Loves Predator, or ALP, (2004-) is a webcomic written by Bernie Hou. It spoofs the Alien Vs. Predator franchise. Reversing the adversarial relationship depicted in Alien vs. Predator, ALP presents an Alien (named Abe) and a Predator (named Preston) as friends and roommates in current-day New York City.
- Abe: "Staten Island"? Now they're just making up places.
- Preston: OK, Abe just went to hit on some girls on a blanket next to us. Look for them fleeing in disgust.
- Abe: You know what I'd do if I could cloak?
- Preston: Sneak into girl's locker rooms.
- Abe: Fuck yeah!
- Preston: You do that now!
- Preston: What celebrity do I most resemble?
- Abe: Jennifer Love Hewitt.
- Preston: What is my favorite word?
- [Abe hits him]
- Preston: Ow! What the fuck, you fuck! Fucking smacking me in the fucking head! Fuck that fucking hurt! Come here you fuck, I'm gonna fucking... oh, thanks.
- Abe: Why don't they have weed dating? I'd be all over that shit.
- Preston: I've got something you should try. It's called "Carbon dating"
- Woman: Why aren't you wearing pants?
- Abe: Phew! I was afraid you'd ask me something awkward.
- Man: Welcome to the open house! Help yourself to some crack!
- Preston: Who's your daddy?
- Man: Ah, we meet again. Only this time, the pupil has become the master.
- Preston: The correct answer was "The Yankees! The Yankees are my daddy!"
- Abe: Chicks dig dangerous guys!
- Preston: You don't need any help convincing women you're unsafe.
- Abe: Will this hurt more or less than having a gerbil shoved up your ass?
- William Hung Tattoo: Let me eat his liver!
- Abe: Do they have George Bush the third's inauguration?
- Preston: Dammit, don't even joke about that!
- Preston: They have the tenth anniversary Paris Hilton sex tape "Paris falls for a space para-lesbian aboard the starship Tender-Thighs."
- Abe: Hey, she used my script!
- Abe: Worship my penis!
- Preston: Your mom's on the phone!
- Abe: No, your moms on the phone!
- Preston: Ok, is it daytime or nighttime right now?
- Short Taxi Driver: Uh, you mean right now?
- Preston: Goodbye.
- Short Taxi Driver: No, wait! Wouldn't you rather know what colour my floor mats are? Or what a dachsund smells like?
- Preston: For the last time, you're not a ninja. I know you're there.
- Preston:... You're just lying on the floor, Abe.
- Abe: Shit!
- Woman: I hope tonight's Sex And The City is the one where Carrie obesseses over shoes! And men!
- Man: I have white headphones. Please rob me.
- Man in orange shirt: I am wearing a bright orange shirt. I am not from here.
- Abe: I. Am. I-ron man. Da-nanananananana...
- Preston: Uh, I think you should download a different ringtone, Abe.
- Abe: Why? What's wrong with-
- Jesus: "Were!!" It's "What if god were one of us!!
- Abe: Smile!
- Preston: Wait, did I cloak? I think I cloaked on that one.
- Abe: Yeah, see, I just made my phone look like a ham sandwich!
- Preston: That's incredibly useful.
- Abe: Hey, a ham sandwich! I need to take a picture o' this!
- Preston: I can do 70 pushups with my penis!
- Preston: Thank y-- Hey! What the-- This is "Predator seeking Predator"!
What the hell is going on in this cover shot??
- Voice mail: I'm sorry, I didn't quite get that. Say 'clean' or 'soiled' underwear.
- Preston: GRRAAARRGGHH
- Voice mail: The rest of this menu will be presented in interpretative dance.
- Abe: Now I suppose you want some dating pointers.
- Preston: This'll be good.
- Abe: Girls like it when you use a fly swatter to give 'em a little swat on the cheek.
- Abe:Oh! You didn't think I meant butt cheek did you? That...that'd be be inappropriate.
- Preston: Man, even Jesus is groaning at your mom jokes now.
- Abe: To Jesus Okay, your mom-
- Jesus:--Is a well documented virgin. And?
- Jesus: Zing.
- Front page: JESUS: YOU'RE ALL BLOOD SUCKING CANNIBALS AND I HATE YOU