The Amazing Race is an American television reality game show in which teams of two people, who have some form of a preexisting personal relationship, race around the world in competition with other teams.
The Race Begins
- Drew: You have to hit six numbers to get a live human being on the phone.
- Kevin: It's amazing that you even got up this morning and tied your shoes.
- Drew: Nothing's free, Kevin! We're in Africa! You go to the Statue of Liberty, is the guy giving these things [maps] away for free? For cryin' out loud! Free!
- Drew: Zambia. That's where we are.
- Kevin: That's Namibia, jackass.
- Drew: You have to approach people in an affable, friendly way! You don't do it like you're in New York!
- Leslie: We're in, what, seventh place?
- Kim: I don't know, I can't do math right now.
- Kim: God, there are a lot of bugs out in the jungle. Go figure.
- Kevin: Swing, you fat bastard, swing!
- Ana: Once a moron, always a moron.
- Matt: Well, you fell in love with this moron.
Divide And Conquer
- Karyn: When we win the money, he has to marry me.
- Drew: What's this elephant?
- Kevin: What elephant?
- Drew: This little statue here.
- Kevin: It's probably a little...a little tchotchke!
- Kevin: You're gonna get the window, you jerk.
- Drew: Don't worry about it.
- Kevin: You think you're whatchamacallit from Wild Kingdom. Jackass.
- Kevin: Is that an impala?
- Drew: Get the camera, get the camera!
- Kevin: It's a goat, it's a goat.
- Leslie: Who wants to go to Paris? I don't want to go to Paris. I hate Paris.
- Leslie: I'm looking for four [tickets]. And she's [Amie] not with me.
- Guido: How the hell can they help us? We lived in Paris for two years!
- Drew: How are you, buddy? You hangin' in there? Your legs hurtin'?
- Kevin: I'm an idiot! I'm a friggin' idiot.
- Drew: That's my boy. Always keepin' a sense of humor.
- Amie: You're a fat bitch!
- Leslie: She screamed at me like she'd scream at her boyfriend.
- Paul: How do they jump in our cab and just take it? In New York, they would have grabbed her out by the hair.
- Karyn: I'm really disappointed. Disappointed. Disappointed.
- Lenny: What did you say?
- Karyn: I'm disappointed.
- Lenny: Well, that ain't nothing new.
- Emily: The only monument I know is that Arc d'Whatever.
- Leslie: I don't know where that little cute couple that hates our guts are.
- Karyn: You're not going to shake my hand? We're not out, and you're not going to shake my hand?
Home For Some
- Rob: Life is a game of minutes.
- Frank: Onward to victory!
- Amie: [while sleeping outside] Ah, this is the life.
- Kevin: We have no food, we have no water...we're all set.
- Drew: Good night, Kevin.
- Kevin: Good night, Drew. [pauses] Good night, John-Boy.
- Nancy: Why didn't you go to the hotel?
- Amie: What hotel?
- Drew: I just don't think the city's [Paris] anything special. I rate it no better than SoHo.
- Drew: Geez, why did I think it was gonna be an old guy who looked like Ben Franklin?
- Joe: I can't wait to see the big pendulum!
- Margarita: Do you need me?
- Frank: I just need your brain, I don't need your emotions.
- Rob: The Guidos try to hold other people back with deceit and trickery.
- Joe: Bonjour! Bonjour! Hey, big strong guys like you, how come you're not doing the steps? Don’t you need a little aerobic exercise?
- Joe: They don’t know Paris, and they don't know where they're going.
- Joe: It would be just our luck to lose this thing in Paris when we lived here for two years.
- Drew: Who's better than us, here, on top of the South of France? With everybody lookin' at our behinds, no less.
- Mayor of Les Baux de Provence: Welcome. You are -
- Joe: We're team number three!
- Mayor of Les Baux de Provence: You are team number four.
- Brenda: Who knew that there were two Foucault pendulums in Paris?
- Margarita: It wasn't about not working together.
- Joe: It's about winning now. It's about winning and not letting anybody else win.
- Margaretta: David and I have been married for forty years. We're just doing our normal thing. There's nothing on this trip that will make or break us.
- Bill: Control the game, period. Play the game our way. Group Guido arranged the whole passage. No one can leave without this ticket. I controlled the group, intimidated the whole group by speaking French for two hours to the people that were there, also leaving doubt in their mind what I was doing. The other contestants? Of course, we're playing them like a violin, you know?
- Lenny: I want to rip their heads off and show them their hearts.
- Drew: What does it say? "Go Here"? Oh. I thought it said "Go Home".
- Paul: They were rippin' my skin off.
- Amie: Really? Mine was pretty nice.
- Drew: You saw what that was like in Midnight Express.
- Joe: The first circle inside the big concentric circle!
- Emily: [after lighting the Coliseum on fire] Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh, stop!
- Kevin: I thought I heard him. You can't miss that mouth.
- Kevin: Take the elevator to the Coliseum floor!
- Frank: Pit Of Death, here I come.
- Amie: I'll do it. I gotta pee, but I'll do it.
- Amie: Olympic torch, kiddos!
- Phil: David and Margaretta, you're the last team to arrive at this leg. You've been eliminated, I'm sorry to tell you that.
- Dave: And I'm sorry to hear it. But I want to tell you, this is a tough group to compete against, and I don't think it's any disgrace to lose to them. They're all great people, and we did our best, and we wish them lots of luck.
- Drew: Alright, so what do you think that arrow means? I gotta pee, I might as well do it right here.
- Kevin: It means go right, stupid. It means Drew is a dumbass.
We're Not At Charm School Learning How To Be A Gentleman, We're Racing
- Kelly: You’re always right, I’m always wrong. We’re done. [sighs]
- Jon: Kelly, go [bleep] yourself.
- Kelly: What did you just say to me? What did you just say to me? I’ll tell you what, Jon, you’re walking a thin line. This was a chance we decided to take, but you will not talk to me like that.
It Just Turned Ugly Right Now
- Mirna: The prostatute would know where the discothecque is wouldn't she?
- Karen: Mirna & Charla are at a great disadvantage-
- Linda: And their kickin' our butts!
Are You Good At Puzzles?
- Marshal: Stop looking at the camel.
It's Okay, Run Them Over!
- Colin: My ox is broken!
Tell My Mom I Love Her
- Hayden: We have been just lollygagging and when I’m not high-paced and aggressive, we suck. Where do I go?
- Aaron: Hayden, I have not a clue.
- Hayden: How do you not know?!
- Aaron: You are such–
- Hayden: No! I’m not a bitch! I'm not any of that! We’re lost going out of here! Aaron, you need to do something or I’m going to hyperventilate!
Courteous? This Is A Race!
- Ryan: Were about do take a zip like down the mountain. Were gonna be the first ones to load test it.
- Ryan: hey look out for the cactuses!
The Whole Country Hates Me
- Lynn: Oh my god, I just got totally hated.
Do You Need Some Mouth-To-Mouth Resuscitation?
- [Rob and Amber steal Debbie and Bianca's taxi]
- Cab Driver: I'm waiting for them.
- Rob: Oh no, it's okay. We'll take them. We're going to go with you. How much? How much did they pay?
- Cab driver: Four.
- Rob: I'm paying ten. Open it up.
- [Rob and Amber drive away in the cab]
- Rob: That'll teach them for accusing someone of lying.
- Bianca: Debbie, do you see a cab?
- Debbie: No.
- Bianca: This is retarded. No we got to catch another cab.
- Phil Keoghan: A roadblock is a task in only one person may perform. In this roadblock, that person has to eat a traditional Argentine meal. They consist of cow ribs, pork sausage, blood sausage, cow intestine, cow udder, an entire kidney, and part of a cow's saliva gland. Each person's portion weighs four pounds. When they finish eating, they'll get their next clue.
- [Deana takes the meat roadblock]
- Lynn: Go Deana, go Deana, go Deana, go Deana, it's your vomit, go Deana.
- Deana: What is all this stuff? I'm not going to-
- Ray: Do your best.
- Deana: My stomach ain't big enough for this.
- Ray: We've made a terrible mistake.
What A Gaucho You Are
Alex and Lynn, Ron and Kelly, Uchenna and Joyce and Brian and Greg are on the first flight to Buenos Aires getting ready to depart.
- Alex: Rob and Amber didn't make it, yay!
- Lynn: I'm so excited that they didn't make it. Survive that.
- [Rob and Amber gets on the plane for Buenos Aires]
- Brian: No freaking way.
- Greg: That's horsecrap!
- Rob: Rob, how's your stomach? [laughing]
- Kelly: Rob's strategy to quit worked and that just made me sick.
- Lynn: If that had been any other team, they would have literally gotten an applause; but the fact that it was Rob and Amber, it was just terrible.
- Alex: I hate them. I hate them so much.
- Lynn: The bottom line is they're [Rob and Amber] kind of like an STD. You gotta protect yourself from them and the only way you can do it is just keep yourself away from them.
- [Ray shows contempt for Meredith and Gretchen]
- Ray: Those people don't belong in this game with us... I'm not losing to a 70-year-old man and his wife.
- [Susan and Patrick's boat stops working]
- Patrick: We already know that we're in last place and that was the end of Patrick and Susan.
I've Been Wanting A Facelift For A Long Time
- [Ray accidentally hits Deana's head with the pounding stick in the food and water detour]
- Deana: Ow, Ray!
- Ray: Deana.
- Deana: You could at least apologize.
- Ray: The problem is that we don't work together.
- Deana: You can do this yourself.
- Ray: That's right, give up!
Houston, We Have An Elephant
- Kelly: You told me to "shut the 'F' up".
- Ron: No, I didn't!
- Kelly: You piece of trash redneck.
Mow 'Em Down Like Grass
Rob and Amber arrives first at the Lucknow mat only to find out that this is a double-length leg.
- Phil Keoghan: Rob and Amber, Welcome to Lucknow.
- Rob and Amber: Thank you.
- Phil Keoghan: You guys probably think that this is the end of the leg,
- Amber: But?
- Phil Keoghan: I don't want to hold you up. I have your other clue.
- Amber: Are you serious?
- Phil Keoghan: You're still racing. This leg is not over.
We Have A Bad Elephant
- [Uchenna and Joyce reach the Fast Forward and find out they have to participate in a head shaving ritual.]
- Joyce: I knew that was coming. I freaking knew it!
- Joyce: [Sobbing] It's already gone.
- [Amber's camel becomes uncontrollable]
- Amber: Go! Go! Go! No! No!
- Gretchen: Good, good he's going in the other direction. Go around the track the other way. [laughing]
- Rob: Oh God, please no. Oh God no.
- Gretchen: We've got an obstinate camel!
We Got A Gnome! We Got A Gnome!
The Devil Made Me Do It
- Amber: We have no idea what a dervish is.
- Rob: I think it's a topless woman.
- Ron: She [Kelly] really surprised me and I think I've seen everything that I want to see out of her on this race.
Five Continents, 25 Cities, And More Than 40,000 Miles
- [Rob and Amber's cab is pulled over by the police]
- Joyce: You gotta cooperate with the police. That's too bad.
- Rob: That cop probably just cost us a million dollars.
- [The final three teams are in Jamaica performing the final detour of the race building rafts and Ron and Kelly are falling behind.]
- Kelly: I want you to look at everybody else. They're a lot farther than us and look what they're doing.
- Ron: I understand that. I've never built one of these before. That's what I'm trying to explain to you. When you figure out how to build one, you tell me.
- Kelly: Smart "A".
We Just Won't Die, Like Roaches
- Ticket Lady: It’s not okay.
- Dustin and Kandice: Can we try? Can we please try?
- Ticket Lady: [in a stern voice] I said the flight is closed.
- Dustin: She’s just a bitch.
- Kandice: She’s so unhelpful and so unkind.
- Kandice: We just want to get out of here before I have to see ‘Bama.
- Karlyn: That one can’t even look over here. [Karlyn flips the bird at Dustin and Kandice]
- Lyn: Don’t do that. That’s ugly.
- Karlyn: Sorry.
- Rob: I can’t believe they [Dustin and Kandice] yielded ‘Bama, dude. That’s kind of crappy, dude.
- Karlyn: We just won’t die, like roaches. [laughing] We gotta keep coming back.
Season 11 All-Stars
I Told You Less Martinis And More Cardio
- Drew: We're five years older, five years more out of shape.
- Kevin: I was a circle then. I'm an oval now, I suppose.
- John Vito: I've had enough of Rob and Amber. I think America may have also.
- Joyce: I can't believe we're doing this again!
- Uchenna: This is the chance of a lifetime twice.
- Ari: [to donkey] If you lose this race for us, I'm going to kick your ass.
- Ari: You listen right here. You make me lose this, I'm gonna cut you up and eat you.
- Nathan: Gosh!
- Jennifer: Come on sweetheart
- Nathan: Gosh!
- Jennifer: You can't yell like that!
- Donkey: [Makes donkey noises]
- Nathan: I don't know what's wrong with him.
- Nathan: The freaks [Kynt and Vyxsin] just got there!
- Ron: [to Christina] You need to lose some weight. [Bike falls] Whoa! I should've not made that comment.
- Jason: If we don't get eliminated, we're gonna screw over the blondes [Shana and Jennifer].
- Phil: Shana and Jennifer, you're team number six.
- Jennifer: Whooo!
- Phil Keoghan: Mika and Canaan? [long dramatic pause] You are the last team to arrive. I am sorry to tell you that you have been eliminated from the race. [From Season 15]
- Phil Keoghan: A detour is a choice between two tasks, each with their own pros and cons.
- Phil Keoghan: It's a race around the world.
- Phil Keoghan: The world is waiting for you. Good luck. Travel safe. Go!
- Kendra: [in Amazing Race 6 in Ethiopia] It's like they choose to be poor here.
- Joseph: [to Monica in Amazing Race 9] Lift up your spirit before you piss me off.