American Horror Story

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The American Horror Story house

American Horror Story (2011–) is a horror-drama television series, airing on FX, created and produced by Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk. Described as an anthology series, each season is conceived as a self-contained miniseries, following a disparate set of characters and settings, and a storyline with its own "beginning, middle and end."

The first season takes place in the present day and follows the story of the Harmon family, who move into a restored mansion, unaware that the home is haunted by its former inhabitants. The second season, titled American Horror Story: Asylum, takes place in 1964 and follows the stories of the patients, doctors and nuns who occupy an institution for the criminally insane. The third, titled American Horror Story: Coven, takes place in the present day and follows a Witches Coven in New Orleans.

Season 1: Murder House[edit]

Pilot [1.01][edit]

Rubber Man
Gynecologist: So are your periods regular again?
Vivien Harmon: Every other month! Not that I'm really complaining. After all that blood. Ben hates blood.
Gynecologist: You having issues with arousal?
Vivien Harmon: Not when I'm by myself.

Vivien Harmon: The light is different out here. It's softer.
Violet Harmon: It's called smog.
Dr. Ben Harmon: You should be excited, Vi. You can stop sneaking cigarettes and just start taking deep breaths.

Violet Harmon: So we're the Addams Family now.

Constance Langdon: Adelaide, I put on Dora the Explorer for you, so you would sit and watch it.
Adelaide Langdon: It was Go (Go, Diego, Go!). It was Go, I don't like it.
Constance Langdon: Oh, brown cartoon characters--you can't tell the difference.

Constance Langdon: [on Adelaide] That girl is a monster. I love her and I'm a good Christian, but Jesus H. Christ.

Vivien Harmon: Can I ask you a personal question? Do you ever get tired of cleaning up other peoples' messes?
Old Moira O'Hara: We're women--it's what we do. I just get paid for it.

Constance Langdon: [to Moira] Don't make me kill you again.

Home Invasion [1.02][edit]

Constance Langdon: Is there anything more wonderful than the promise of a new child... or more heartbreaking when that promise is broken?

Dr. Ben Harmon: What do you want?
Larry Harvey: Well.. more than anything, I guess, to be on the stage. You know what stopped me? Fear of what my family would say. But... now that they're, well, you know, dead, and, uh, I have terminal brain cancer, I figure... maybe I should just go for it, you know? Chase that dream. What about you? What dream are you chasing? Or should I say, what dream is chasing you?

Larry Harvey: I'm trying very hard not to judge you.
Dr. Ben Harmon: Me? You murdered your entire family.
Larry Harvey: Yes. But I was never unfaithful.

Vivien Harmon: Well, I appreciate it. I'm not usually much of a cupcake girl myself...
Constance Langdon: Oh! They're not for you. At your age? You might as well just Krazy Glue a stick of butter to your ass.

Murder House [1.03][edit]

Marcy: I'd kill to live in this house, regardless of the history!

Old Moira O'Hara: I don't want to be here anymore! I'm frightened! I miss my mother!
Constance Langdon: You think I want to stay in this world of death and rot and regret? Try to find some dignity in the situation. Move on, missy.
Old Moira O'Hara: I can't. I want to, but I can't.
Constance Langdon: Every time I find my heart breaking just a sliver for you, I suddenly remember. You made this mess for yourself. And I also remember every time I see that ghostly eye, that I was and continue to be a hell of a shot.

Old Moira: I'm not naive to the ways of men. Their need to objectify, conquer. They see what they want to see. Women, however, see into the soul of a person.

Dr. Ben Harmon: Okay. But if you ever want to talk to somebody...
Violet Harmon: Dad...
Dr. Ben Harmon: I mean, not me. You know, I'm way too expensive.

Dr. Ben Harmon: I didn't do anything. You heard it on the tape. She did it to herself.
Colquitt: Right. It's not a crime to be an asshole.

Violet Harmon: I love our house, it's got soul. It's where you and I kicked some ass, Mom. You say we were victims of something bad there. I say that's the place where we survived.

Halloween (Part 1) [1.04][edit]

Chad Warwick: And pick me up some Gala apples. I thought these Golden Delicious would look dramatic in the bobbing bucket. They just look dull and depressing. There's no contrast.

Chad Warwick: I am trying here! I am trying to make this place warm and inviting and spectacular and have this Halloween party shot by Elle friggin Decor so someone will see it and sweep in and take this place off our hands, and then I can feel free to fall in love with a 25-year-old who has great biceps. So get off my back, carve a goddamn pumpkin, go get a goddamn costume, and man up.

Vivien Harmon: We have style.
Marcy: Everybody thinks they have style, and everybody thinks they're funny. Most people aren't.

Chad Warwick: I think you should just leave.
Vivien Harmon: You think we should just leave our house?
Chad Warwick: It's not your house. We know it, you know it, and the house knows it. Frankly, you don't deserve it.

Halloween (Part 2) [1.05][edit]

Larry Harvey: The one thing about the dead is they've got nothing left to lose.

Dr. Ben Harmon: You see that crazy bitch, you tell her we're done. I'm not playing your games. You come back on this property, and I will kill you. You hear me? I will kill you.
Larry Harvey: Promises, promises.

Tate Langdon: I used to come here... when the world closed in and got so small I couldn't breathe. I'd look out at the ocean, and I'd think... "Yo, douche bag, high school counts for jack shit." Kurt Cobain, Quentin Tarantino, Brando, DeNiro, Pacino, all high school dropouts. I... hated high school. So I'd come here and I'd look out at this vast, limitless expanse. Then it's like, that's your life, man. You can do anything, could be anything. Screw high school. That's... it's just a blip in your timeline. Don't get stuck there.

Constance Langdon: One of the comforts of having children is knowing one's youth has not fled, but merely been passed down to a new generation. They say when a parent dies, a child feels his own mortality. But when a child dies, it's immortality that a parent loses.

Piggy Piggy [1.06][edit]

Billie Dean Howard: I used to be like you. Until I was 25. When out of the blue my cleaning lady shows up as I'm brushing my teeth. Except she's got no toilet brush and rubber gloves, she's naked and bloody. Her husband murdered her with an ice pick.
Constance Langdon: It's hard to keep good help.
Billie Dean Howard: You think I wanted a bloody Mexican ghost in my bathroom? All I wanted was to improve my tennis game and unseat Charlotte Whitney as president of my book club. I was chosen. And when you're chosen, you either get with the program or you go crazy.

Dr. Ben Harmon: We need the money.
Vivien Harmon: I'm finding it really hard to look at your face. 'Cause I really, really, really want to bash it in. I find you disgusting... and disappointing as a man. and we're gonna end this marriage and we're gonna sell this house and I'll let you be a father to our kids because I happen to think that you're a good one. But I'm not going to be your friend. I will merely tolerate you.

Leah: The Devil is real. And he's not a little red man with horns and a tail. He can be beautiful. Because he's a fallen angel, and he used to be God's favorite. Have you read the Book of Revelation?
Violet Harmon: No.
Leah: In Heaven, there's this woman in labor howling in pain. And there's a red dragon with seven heads waiting so he can eat her babies. But the Archangel Michael, he hurls the dragon down to earth. From that moment on, the red dragon hates the woman, and declares war on her and all of her children. That's us.

Violet Harmon: Why are you bullshitting me?!?
Teacher: If the bullet had been an inch to the right, it would've missed my spine and I would have walked out of here. Might have even been able to stop him. An inch higher, it would have killed me. Sometimes shit just happens.
Violet Harmon: Good people don't just have a bad day and start shooting people.
Teacher: Maybe he wasn't a good person.

Billie Dean Howard: I see it all the time. The dead can hold a grudge better than most Scorpios.

Open House [1.07][edit]

Marcy: No matter how gruesome or horrible the murder, you can always find someone who'll buy the house.

Vivien Harmon: You know, we want to make sure everything's okay with the baby. You didn't see anything unusual--hooves or anything?
Dr. Ben Harmon: What?

Marcy: Everything was meticulously restored by a couple of the previous homos. Owners. Homeowners.
Joe Escandarian: Fags have such a great eye for detail, don't they?
Marcy: A queer eye.

Larry Harvey: Oh, I see. It's because of my affliction, isn't it. Sometimes I wonder, if I knew how much I was going to be shunned, if I would have run back onto that burning school bus to save those children. Now this crudité is making my mouth dry. I'm going to have a little glass of this Chardonnay, and then you may show me the house.
Marcy: [drawing her gun] Put down the stemware.
Vivien Harmon: What are you doing?
Marcy: A woman in my line can't be too careful. There are a lot of minority men in this city who would like nothing more than to ravage me on this countertop.

Young Moira O'Hara: As you can see, this room belongs to a sad, depressed teenager. But it has real potential. I'd paint it a deep, dark red, clear out all the furniture and hang a sex swing.

Constance Langdon: Used to be no one was from here. People came here to escape their pasts. find a plot of land that not even a red Indian had set foot on and make a new life for yourself.
Joe Escandarian: Give me a number. I want history, I'll talk to Gene Autry.
Constance Langdon: But now there are no more virgin plots. We live on top of each other. That's California now... and that's the world. there is no more space, and yet it it's human nature to want to claim your own turf. So build away, we do. every time you put up one of these... monstrous temples to the gods of travertine, you're building on top of someone else's life.
Joe Escandarian: I'm a developer. I improved on the past. I build a new future.
Constance Langdon: You should show some respect. You're not an archaeologist. You should stop unearthing while you're ahead. It only brings a haunting. We have a responsibility as caretakers to the old lands... to show some respect.

Rubber Man [1.08][edit]

Old Moira O'Hara: That's what men do--they make you think you're crazy so that they can have their fun.

Peggy: Look, Pat's obviously got some interests that he doesn't feel free sharing with you.
Chad Warwick: Ugh!
Peggy: Now, if you don't want to end up sharing him, then you need to make a preemptive strike.
Chad Warwick: What do you mean?
Peggy: I mean you have to fight. Pat's a great guy, Chad, worth fighting for. And if that means you have to fight with a cat-o'-nine-tails and some titty clamps, then brother, you better gear up.

Chad Warwick: Why are you being such an asshole? This turns you on. I know it does.
Patrick: Seriously, Chad, depressing sex is even more depressing when you try so hard.

[Violet loses her virginity to Tate]
Tate Langdon: Did it hurt? The first time usually does.
Violet Harmon: No, it was intense.
Tate Langdon: Yeah. For me too.
Violet Harmon: You really are here, aren't you?
Tate Langdon: Of course. I'll always be here, if that's what you want.
Violet Harmon: And they'll always be here too, won't they? The... whatever others.
Tate Langdon: They can't hurt us, Violet. They're just trying to scare you.
Violet Harmon: I wish i could tell my mom that.
Tate Langdon: You can't, Violet! if you tell anyone what we know, they'll say you're crazy. They'll lock you up. They'll try to take you away from here! We'd never see each other again!.

Old Moira O'Hara: You want them to find you?
Tate Langdon: I'm open to suggestions.
Old Moira O'Hara: I think you should get over your compulsive need to please the ladies of this house.
Tate Langdon: I think I have mommy issues. You know a good therapist?

Spooky Little Girl [1.09][edit]

Dr. Curran: What have you done?
Dr. Charles Montgomery: I've bisected her body, removed the intestine, and drained her blood.
Dr. Curran: Why?
Dr. Charles Montgomery: A writer writes, a surgeon cuts. I think you will find these pieces more portable.

Travis Wanderly: I really got to go. I mean, I can't leave it like this with Constance.
Hayden McClaine: You're kidding me. I thought you said you hated her.
Travis Wanderly: Nah, I guess I love her. And we got a baby coming.
Hayden McClaine: A baby what, fossil?

Billie Dean Howard: The Holy Ghost merely whispered in the Virgin Mary's ear and she begat the son of God. If the Devil's going to use a human womb for his spawn, he's going to want a little more bang for his buck.

Smoldering Children [1.10][edit]

Constance Langdon: Now, who wants to say grace?
Tate Langdon: Oh, Mother, may I?
Larry Harvey: Oh, of course, son. I was hoping you would choose to become a part of this family.
Tate Langdon: Dear God, thank you for the salty pig meat we are about to eat, along with the rest of the indigestible swill. And thank you for our new charade of our family. My father ran away when I was only six. If I'd have known any better, I would have joined him,. And, also, because she's been trying to get back into this house ever since she lost it, Lord, a big thank you for blinding the asshole that's doing my mother, so that he can't see what everybody knows. She doesn't really love him.
Adelaide Langdon: Amen.

Constance Langdon: [after feeding Hugo to her dogs] Once I discovered that he had cheated, Hugo meant no more to me than dog shit.

Violet Harmon: I died when I took all those pills.
Tate Langdon: I tried to save you. I did. I tried to make you throw them up. You threw up some...not enough. You took so many, Violet. You died crying. I held you. You were safe. You died...loved.

Violet Harmon: So why'd you keep it a secret?
Tate Langdon: "Hi, I'm Tate. I'm dead. Want to hook up?" I don't think so.

Constance Langdon: I have long stopped asking why the mad do mad things.

Birth [1.11][edit]

Chad Warwick: [to Violet] No. A very, very human surrogate. Your lovely mother.
Tate Langdon: You think you can steal those twins? You pathetic homos couldn't steal the shit out of your ass!
Violet Harmon: You know what, it doesn't matter! As soon as my parents get back, we're leaving here. They're leaving, so knock yourself out.
Chad Warwick: Honey, your parents aren't going anywhere as long as you're stuck here.
Patrick: And don't you get snotty little sister, you'd be begging to babysit. As big as this place is, it does get very lonely.
Chad Warwick: It could get ugly though. Were you a C-section? Is there an existing zipper we might use?
Tate Langdon: Watch it, you goddamned queen!
Chad Warwick: I'm quaking in my loafers! What are you gonna do? Murder me?

Constance Langdon: What you are planning to do is unnatural.
Chad Warwick: Deodorant's unnatural, but it's a public good. We'll make excellent parents.
Constance Langdon: Man shall not lie with man. It is an abomination.
Chad Warwick: So's that hairdo, but I figure that's your business.

Tate Langdon: Seriously, though, are you ready for all this? I mean, you never struck me as the diapers and midnight feedings type.
Patrick: Maybe you should have taken a few minutes to get to know me before you stuck a fireplace poker up my ass.
Tate Langdon: Fair enough.

Old Moira O'Hara: He's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen.
Constance Langdon: From blood and pain come perfection.

Violet Harmon: My mom is dead.
Tate Langdon: I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were close.
Violet Harmon: Yeah. We were. My dad's there all alone now.
Tate Langdon: That makes me sad. I like your dad, he was nice to me.
Violet Harmon: He's nice to all his patients. Even the ones who lie to him.
Tate Langdon: [confused] What?
Violet Harmon: Why did you start seeing him in the first place? You knew you were dead.
Tate Langdon: Cops shot me.
Violet Harmon: Why did they shoot you?
Tate Langdon: I don't know.
Violet Harmon: You murdered people, Tate. Kids, like us. The kids who came to us in Halloween.
Tate Langdon: [cries] Why would I do that? Why would I do that? Why would I do that? WHY would I do that?!
Violet Harmon: I don't know. Why did you kill the guys who lived here before us? Why did you RAPE my mother?
Tate Langdon: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I was different then.
Violet Harmon: I used to think you were like me. You were attracted to the darkness, but Tate, you are the darkness.
Tate Langdon: No. Before you that's all there was. You are the only light, I've ever known. You've changed me Violet.
Violet Harmon: I believe that. [touches his cheek] I love you, Tate. But... I can't forgive you. [moves away] You have to pay for what you did! All the pain you've caused, all the sorrows? YOU MURDERED MY MOTHER!
Tate Langdon: No!
Violet Harmon: DEAD! That baby... Whatever it was, it killed her. I CAN'T be with you, I WON'T be with you.
Tate Langdon: [Moves closer to Violet] What are you saying?
Violet Harmon: I'm saying; Go away, Tate.
Tate Langdon: What?! NO! Don't do this, please!
Violet Harmon: Go away, Tate. GO AWAY!
Tate Langdon: You're all I want! You're all I have!
Violet Harmon: GO AWAY!
Tate Langdon: [screams] No!!
Violet Harmon: [closes her eyes and shouts] Go AWAAAAAY! [cries]

Afterbirth [1.12][edit]

Vivien Harmon: Moira, would you make me a cup of tea, please?
Old Moira O'Hara: No. Your denial is impressive. You're a ghost, Mrs. Harmon. I don't take orders from ghosts.

Dr. Ben Harmon: What about Violet?
Violet Harmon: What about Violet? I'm a teenage girl. Not exactly a cakewalk.
Dr. Ben Harmon: Violet. What kind of father have I been? You weren't eating, you weren't going to school. You were already gone. I didn't get it.
Violet Harmon: I shut you out. I was afraid it would break you.
Dr. Ben Harmon: I've missed you so much.
Violet Harmon: I was never getting into Harvard. But I saved you a shitload of money.
Dr. Ben Harmon: Yeah, you did.

Violet Harmon: Are you sure you want to be alone? They say this house is haunted.
Gabriel: You're kind of twisted, aren't you?
Violet Harmon: You don't know the half of it.

Vivien Harmon: Some other poor family's just going to move in here. Suckers who will have no idea what they're in for.
Dr. Ben Harmon: And we know exactly what to do.

Hayden McClaine: Grow a pair. She's not into you. You're not getting back in her, she'll never talk to you again
Tate Langdon: I'll wait... Forever if I have to [stares at Violet's smile; she meets his eyes; her smile falters]

Dr. Ben Harmon: You're a psychopath, Tate. It's a mental disorder, and therapy can't cure it.
Tate Langdon: So that's your diagnosis? I'm a psychopath?
Dr. Ben Harmon: Yep, and the worst kind. You're charismatic and compelling and a pathological liar. But don't listen to me. I'm a total fraud. And by the way, therapy doesn't work.

Constance Langdon: Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I was destined for great things. I was going to be somebody. Person of significance. Star of the silver screen, I once thought. But... my dreams became nightmares. Instead of laurels, funeral wreaths. Instead of glory, heh, bitter disappointment. Cruel afflictions. Now I understand. Tragedy was preparing me for something greater. Every loss that came before was a lesson. I was being prepared. Now I know for what. This child... a remarkable boy. Destined for greatness. In need of a remarkable mother. Someone forged in the fires of adversity, who can guide him. With--with firmness. With love.

Season 2: Asylum[edit]

Welcome to Briarcliff [2.01][edit]

Shelley: Do you think I'm full of shame and regret for what I've done now, Sister? You could shave me bald as a cue ball and I'd still be the hottest tamale in this joint.

Sister Jude Martin: Shelley was brought to us having been given the preposterous diagnosis by a psychiatrist comparing her to a wood nymph.
Lana Winters: You mean a nymphomaniac?

Sister Jude Martin: Mental illness is the fashionable explanation for sin.

Sister Jude Martin: This is not a meat locker. Here, you will repent for your crimes to the only judge that matters: the Almighty God.
Kit Walker: There is no God. Not a God who would create the things I saw.
Sister Jude Martin: Your story about little green men? That won't do here.
Kit Walker: They weren't human. They were monsters.
Sister Jude Martin: All monsters are human. You're a monster.

Sister Jude Martin: I've dealt with bigger monsters than you, Doctor. Let me give you fair warning: I'll always win against the patriarchal male.
Dr. Arthur Arden: Bully for you.

Dr. Arthur Arden: When the monsignor brought me out of retirement to run Briarcliff's medical unit, we made a gentleman's agreement.
Sister Jude Martin: Curious, since only one of you is a gentleman.

Dr. Arthur Arden: Hello, Mr. Walker. I'm Dr. Arthur Arden. I run this institution.
Kit Walker: I thought Sister Jude ran this place.
Dr. Arthur Arden: So does she.

Dr. Arthur Arden: This is my time now. The time of science.

Sister Jude Martin: You may think my mind is closed, Doctor, but my eyes are wide open, I promise you. You hear me?

Tricks and Treats [2.02][edit]

Shelley: Hey, Sister. I have a cucumber in my room. But not because I was hungry.

Dr. Arthur Arden: The last time I suggested electroshock therapy, you accused me of being a sadistic barbarian.
Sister Jude Martin: I prayed about it. When I wasn't praying for you to find a halfway decent haberdasher.

Dr. Oliver Thredson: Might we speak privately about the conditions here?
Sister Jude Martin: Conditions? What conditions might those be?
Dr. Oliver Thredson: In just the short time that I've been here, I have witnessed appalling things. Abuse. Malpractice. Candidly, I'm shocked.
Sister Jude Martin: It's a madhouse, Doctor. What did you expect?
Dr. Oliver Thredson: I expected some form of treatment.

Shelley: I saw you flirting with Our Lady of Perpetual Virginity. You want to see my candy apple?
Dr. Arthur Arden: Get your filthy hands off me!
Shelley: Come on, Doc. Bend me over a bread rack and pound me into shape.

Monsignor Timothy Howard: The times may have changed, Doctor, but the nature of evil has not.

Demon-Possessed Jed Potter: And the Lord said to the cripple, take up thy bed, and fly...!

Nor'easter [2.03][edit]

Sister Mary Eunice McKee: We're all going to be together in the dark, watching The Sign of the Cross. A movie full of fire, sex, and the death of Christians. What fun.

Sister Jude Martin: (drunkenly introducing The Sign of the Cross) ...and as Emperor Nero, the incomparable Mr. Charles Laughton...who I understand is an enormous whoopsie.

Sister Mary Eunice McKee: [Frank interrupts 'The Sign of the Cross' to tell Sister Mary Eunice that patients are missing] Now? The Christians are about to be eaten!

I Am Anne Frank (Part 1) [2.04][edit]

Sister Jude Martin: So, "Anne Frank," is it? What a relief it will be to millions of schoolchildren to know you survived.

Dr. Arthur Arden: I was never in Auschwitz; I'm from Scottsdale!

I Am Anne Frank (Part 2) [2.05][edit]

Dr. Oliver Thredson: I don't work here anymore, Frank. As a matter of fact, I never did. You can tell her I said that.

Sister Jude Martin: When I was a child, I'd come home after school to an empty house. My father had flown the coop. My mother worked as a maid in a hotel. It was lonely, so I brought in a baby squirrel I'd found and kept him in a shoe box. And then one day when I came home, he looked sickly. He was dead already, but I didn't know that. I'd forgotten to... feed him for a couple days. So I took him out of the box, and I laid him on the table, and I prayed my heart out for several hours. And when my mother came home and found us, she screamed bloody murder, and she picked him up and threw him in the garbage. She worked hard, my mother. She was exhausted, and she couldn't have known how cruel that was. But I cried and cried, saying, "God didn't answer my prayers." I remember, my mother was pouring herself a whiskey- the Martin family cure for everything. She looked at me and laughed. "God always answers our prayers, Judy. It's just rarely the answer we're looking for."

Sister Jude Martin: It's over for me, Frank. My goose is cooked.
Frank McCann: I certainly hope you're not blaming yourself. Men are never gonna accept a woman taking charge, especially not a woman as strong as you are.

Dr. Oliver Thredson: You're gonna write about this. You're gonna win a Pulitzer Prize. I just know it, Lana. You are the person to tell my story.
Lana Winters: Your story?

Dr. Oliver Thredson: I see you found my little ... hobby.
Lana Winters: You make furniture?
Dr. Oliver Thredson: Lamps mainly. I make the shades myself.
Lana Winters: What kind of material do you use?
Dr. Oliver Thredson: Skin.

Dr. Oliver Thredson: Normally, by now, I would've removed the skin and head. No, we need to keep her around a little longer for our purposes. We're going to continue our therapy now, Lana. You can begin by kissing her cold lips. Don't worry. She won't bite.[Thredson puts on the Bloody Face mask which now has teeth on it] I took her teeth.

The Origins of Monstrosity [2.06][edit]

Dr. Oliver Thredson: You can scream all you want, no one will hear you. Obviously the basement is soundproof. Believe me, girls with bigger sets of lungs than yours have tried before.

Dr. Oliver Thredson: A mother's touch. Skin to skin contact. That's what I was craving, that's what I was missing. My whole life. But she smelled of formaldehyde. And her skin, even after I removed it, was cold. And stiff.

Monsignor Timothy Howard: I thought all TB patients had been cleared out.
Dr. Arthur Arden: These are the incurables. Those whose tuberculosis was too far advanced for any of the new miracle drugs to have an effect.
Monsignor Timothy Howard: God bless them.
Dr. Arthur Arden: Well, He hasn't yet.

Dr. Oliver Thredson: Jude was right about you. You're a monster.
Dr. Arthur Arden: Why do you look for the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own?

Dr. Arthur Arden: Another mess to clean up, Mr. Spivey? You seem to have mistaken the broom closet for the playground where you used to expose yourself to innocent little boys and girls.
Mr. Spivey: No, never the boys, Doc. I had my standards.

Dr. Arthur Arden: My aim was to give these wasted lives purpose, meaning, and I've succeeded beyond my wildest imagination. My experiments with a combination of syphilis and tuberculosis have produced results unseen in the history of medical science. When they arrived here, these patients were less than men. Now, because of me, they're more than human.

Jenny: She thinks I killed Josie.
Sister Mary Eunice McKee: Did you?
Jenny: No.
Sister Mary Eunice McKee: Did so.
Jenny: How do you know?
Sister Mary Eunice McKee: I know everything. I'm the Devil.

Sister Mary Eunice McKee: You know there's no God, right? You already figured out that it's just a bunch of crap someone made up to keep you from being who you are, from doing what you really want to do.

Dr. Arthur Arden: I am not a monster! I'm a visionary.

Dark Cousin [2.07][edit]

Sister Mary Eunice McKee: [to Dr. Arden about Grace] All of her girl parts have been scooped out.

Dr. Oliver Thredson: [to Lana] I can either cut your throat or I can strangle you. I don't believe in guns.

Sister Jude Martin: Never trust a drunk.

Angel of Death/Shachath: I come when I'm called. That's what I do, Jude. I don't judge. I never judge.

Angel of Death/Shachath: Are you ready for me?
Grace Bertrand: Yes. [Angel kisses Grace as she dies] I'm free.

Unholy Night [2.08][edit]

Leigh Emerson: [to a mall Santa] It's never your fault, hmm? It's all about the list. Some kid doesn't get their Renco Frogman, but you can't blame Santa. Pretty nifty win-win you set up for yourself.

Frank McCann: Doctor, I've been thinking.
Dr. Arthur Arden: You want to be careful, Frank; that could be dangerous.

Leigh Emerson: Where's your Christmas spirit, Sister?
Sister Jude Martin: What do you take me for, an idiot? Huh? You killed 18 people from five families in one night. You might expect to remain in irons for the rest of your life.
Leigh Emerson: Well, I don't want to be in your shitty picture, then. I don't want to be any part of your damn lie.
Sister Jude Martin: Yeah, what lie is that?
Leigh Emerson: Nothing like a picture of happy, shiny faces to take away the guilt of locking us away.
Sister Jude Martin: You got that backwards, Mr. Emerson. The picture is to remind the public that without Briarcliff, you would be out there, living among them. And that's why you will be front and center, shackled and under control.

Sister Mary Eunice McKee: [to Dr. Arden] Did you celebrate Christmas in your Nazi household?

Sister Mary Eunice McKee: Rubies are the most glamorous of all. You couldn't have found them in this dreary town. Are they family heirlooms?
Dr. Arthur Arden: They belonged to a Jewess in the camp. She was always reminding people that she was a woman of considerable means, and that her husband was an influential and wealthy doctor in Berlin. She was constantly complaining to me about her stomach problems, and as a doctor, I thought I ought to do something about it. So I followed her, one day, to the latrine, thinking I might diagnose her condition if I had a stool sample. She was in there, on her hands and knees, picking through her own feces to retrieve those earrings. She confessed to me that she swallowed them every day, day after day, carrying them around inside of her, as if, someday, she might return to her former grandeur. Poor, ridiculous woman, she died from internal bleeding. The earrings were very hard on her intestines. Obviously, I retrieved them. I knew someday I'd meet someone who was worthy of their exceptional beauty.
Sister Mary Eunice McKee: You were very clever to retrieve them, Arthur. Look how beautiful they are on me. They bring out the rose in my cheeks. Oh, you're such a sap!
Dr. Arthur Arden: Not exactly for the reasons you may think, but a sap nonetheless. I so dearly hoped you'd throw them back in my face, that you couldn't bring yourself to touch those shit-stained earrings. I was hoping there'd be a glimmer of horror, a glimmer of that precious girl who was too afraid even to take a bite of my candy apple.

Sister Jude Martin: [to Mother Superior about Satan's plan] Bit by bit, he turns our eyes away from God.

Dr. Arthur Arden: I don't believe in God. But I do believe in evil. I've seen it up-close and personal.

Leigh Emerson: [dressed as Santa Claus with a woman on his lap] What do you say we blow this pop stand, go savage a few elves, and then suck on each other?

Leigh Emerson: [to Sister Jude] There is no God, but there is a Santa Claus!

The Coat Hanger [2.09][edit]

Johnny Morgan/Thredson: You see, my name isn't Morgan. It's Thredson. I'm the son of Bloody Face.

Sister Jude Martin: Make it tight, Frank.
Leigh Emerson: Make it tight. I like it tight. Just ask Sister Chastity.
Sister Jude Martin: I'll deal with Sister Chastity.
Leigh Emerson: You might start by picking a new name for her.

Sister Jude Martin: So you'll spend the next couple days here, reflecting on your behavior.
Leigh Emerson: How can I reflect when my hand's tied down? [tries to simulate masturbating]
Sister Jude Martin: You're disgusting.
Leigh Emerson: We all got our crosses to bear.

Sister Jude Martin: [to Lana] Come on, goddammit, give me a cigarette. I think I've earned it.

Sister Jude Martin: There's going be some changes around here, starting with that. [walks up to the record player and smashes the record that constantly plays in the rec room]
Lana Winters: [after Sister Jude returns to her seat] Well, hot damn.

The Name Game [2.10][edit]

Pepper: Dr. Arden, you still see me as microcephalic. No one takes a pinhead seriously. When my sister's husband drowned her baby and sliced his ears off, he told everyone I did it. They tied me up and paraded me in front of a judge. He took one look at the shape of my head, and I was locked up for good. That's how it works for us freaks. We get blamed for everything. But if something happens to Grace in here and she's harmed in any way, there won't be anyone else to blame. They'll take you, open up your head, and stir your brain with a fork. And when you're returned, you'll experience firsthand how people treat us freaks.

Shacath, the Angel of Death: The devil is at Briarcliff in your favorite young nun. Guard your thoughts, use your rosary. Each bead is His name. This is your moment, Timothy.

Monsignor Timothy Howard: Why didn't I listen to you? Why was I so stubborn? She's destroyed you. And now she's destroyed me. My virtue is gone, Jude. She took it from me, violated me. I tried to resist, but I don't know where else to turn. I'm struggling with whether I should renounce my vows. I need your counsel. Should I confess and walk away from my beloved Church and my dream? What should I do?
Sister Jude Martin: Kill her.

Sister Mary Eunice McKee: You're mine now. Body and soul.

Dr. Arthur Arden: It's a farce. [putting a gun to his head] Finita la commedia.

Dr. Arthur Arden: [to Sister Mary Eunice] You have no idea what it means to have lost you.

Sister Mary Eunice McKee: You're being pitiful, Arthur.
Dr. Arthur Arden: Then have pity on me.

Lana Winters: I'm goddamn plucky, remember?

Spilt Milk [2.11][edit]

Mother Superior Claudia: [to Lana, about the asylum] I want it burned down and the Earth salted!

Dr. Oliver Thredson: I knew this would happen one day. I wondered how I would feel. I thought I would go crazy, but I'm actually relieved. Living with secrets is not healthy. I was right, Lana. I knew you were the one.
Lana Winters: I am the one. I am the one that's going to put your ass in that electric chair. You're gonna pay for every sick thing you did to me, to Wendy, and to every other woman you murdered.

Johnny Morgan: [about his mother] Every time I think about her, I wanna do things! Bad things!

Lana Winters: You're gonna fry in that chair.
Dr. Oliver Thredson: I hardly think so, Lana. I'm clearly insane. I'll be institutionalized. At the very worst, I'll live a long life in prison. Maybe I'll even start some therapy groups. God knows, there are some disturbed individuals behind bars.

Lana Winters: [about reporters] We are vultures, attracted to the scent of rotted meat.

Sister Jude Martin: [to Timothy Howard] It's an extraordinary thing. You know that? You throw me in the madhouse, you strip away everything I have, everything I know, you treat me like a rabid dog, like a madwoman. And you know what happens? I'm blessed with the gift of total clarity. I am more sane now as a madwoman than I ever was as the head of Briarcliff.

Detective Byers: You're one tough cookie, you know that?
Lana Winters: I am tough, but I'm no cookie.

Continuum [2.12][edit]

Sister Jude Martin: [to the monsignor] Hell, I'm the Queen of Candyland.

Shacath (as Judy's cellmate): Babycakes, I'm only just starting to toy with you.

Lana Winters: [to Kit, regarding a book about Leigh] I thought of calling it Santa and the Seven Nuns. Too campy?

Sister Jude Martin: [after seeing The Flying Nun on TV] They don't know, but I don't need the hat. I can fly without it. One of these days I'm gonna fly my ass right outta here!

Johnny Morgan: I gave you a chance to name your price. Now I'll tell you mine. There's nothing you could say to make me change my mind. You're going to give me that book, because it's my fate to have it. You see, I have a plan to meet my mother. And when I see her, I'm gonna greet her with a polite, "Hello, Ms. Winters. Do you know who I am?" And she'll shake her head in ignorance, and then I'll present this book of lies. And then I'll say, "I'm in your book, except I didn't die. I'm the piece of trash you threw away 48 years ago. I'm your son." And when she fully understands who it is standing in front of her, I'll take out my nine-millimeter handgun, point it at her face and pull the trigger. And finally I will have completed my father's work. But first, I'm gonna need that book.

Madness Ends [2.13][edit]

Lana Winters: [on Bloody Face] He's become a goddamn household name. Like some kind of Heath Ledger, Hollywood movie star villain. He was an evil monster who used murder and torture to keep himself from feeling like a eunuch. End of story. I refuse to give him one more second of air time.

Lana Winters: [on Timothy Howard] That man was a particular kind of liar, the kind who lies to himself about being a liar. He was so corrupt and deluded, he believed his own lies.

Sister Jude Martin: I do hope you know what you are in for. The loneliness, the heartbreak, the sacrifice you will face as a woman with a dream on her own.
Lana Winters: You don't have any idea of what I'm capable of.
Sister Jude Martin: Well, then, look at you, Ms. Lana Banana. Just remember if you look in the face of evil, evil's gonna look right back at you.

Season 3: Coven[edit]

Bitchcraft [3.01][edit]

Madison: It's too hot. My frickin' vagina's sweating.

Fiona: [to Zoe, Madison, Nan & Queenie] You girls need to learn to fight. When witches don't fight, we burn.

Fiona: [to Cordelia] Don't make me drop a house on you.

Fiona: [to Madame LaLaurie] C'mon, Mary Todd Lincoln. I'll buy you a drink.

Fiona: The world’s not going to miss a bunch of assholes in Ed Hardy t-shirts.

Fiona: [to Queenie] Oh Jesus, go change your clothes. Wear something... black.

Boy Parts [3.02][edit]

Madison: Is this where we all sing Kum-Bah-Yah?
Queenie: Bitch! I will eat you.

Zoe: Everyone here is a witch. I'm so sorry. Please don't send us to jail.

Fiona: [to Madison] You're missing the point
Madison: What's the point?
Fiona: The point is in this whole wide wicked world the only thing you have to be afraid of is me.

Zoe: Did we just marry the Devil? Because I'm not down with that.

Marie: Well maybe you haven't heard the news about civilization started in Africa. We're more then just pins and dolls and seeing the future in chicken parts. You've been reading too many tourist guides.
Fiona: Speaking of tourist guides... no more spray. I have been to St. Louis No.1 and I have seen the tomb of Laveau. Seen the fat tourists from Little Rock to Hackensack drawing crosses on the bricks, making wishes to the bones of Marie Laveau. Little do they know, all they have to do to get their wishes granted was come down here to the ninth ward and get their hair braided.
Marie: And what is your wish, witch?
Fiona: I want what you have. Whatever it is that has kept you young all these years.
Marie: [laughs] The hammer wants the nail's magic. Oh, that is rich!
Fiona: Yeah, and you're gonna give it to me. Because, I have something you want.
Marie: You could offer me a unicorn that shit hundred dollar bills and I'd still never give you nothing more then a headache.

The Replacements [3.03][edit]

Delphine: [watching Barack Obama on television] No... why oh Lord Almighty God have you forsaken this once proud country?
Fiona: Oh God, are you blubbering again? Eternal life and all you can do with it is stuff your face and cry.
Delphine: That magic box lies. Somebody... somebody in there, they just said that... that negro is the President of the United States.
Fiona: I voted for him, twice. We've also had Black Secretaries of State, Supreme Court Justices and even the Poet Laureate.
Delphine: Lieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssss.

Queenie: You're the bitch that blindsided me with that candlestick.
Delphine: How dare you open your foul mouth to me, negress!
Queenie: Excuse me?
Delphine: I may be a maid, but there are limits to my servitude.
Queenie: You best put that food down in front of me before I frisbee this plate at your head.
[Delphine throws the plate of food against the wall]
Queenie: Cracker bitch!
Fiona: Hey! What the hell is going on here?
Madison: Miss Aryan Sisterhood came between Queenie and her food.
Delphine: I will not stoop to serve her kind.
Fiona: You know Delphine, from now on you're going to be Queenie's personal slave. And Queenie, you ask her to do whatever you need done. Make your bed, scrub your toilet, I don't give a shit.
Queenie: Sweet.
Fiona: There's nothing I hate more than a racist.

Joan: Oh, this is the welcoming committee, and you brought baked goods, aren't you darling? Well we'd love to visit but we're running late for church. [to Luke] We'll take the cake to share.
Madison: Church? It's not even Sunday.
Luke: It's Bible study.
Joan: It's how we maintain our personal relationship with our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Madison: You know that's all a crock of shit, right? I mean, why wait for some phony happily ever after when you can have your piece now? I say.

Marie: [about Fiona] Too late for tears, damage is done. Waltzing in here like she the Queen of England, talkin' bout hammer and nails, lookin' to start a war.
Cordelia: Fiona was here?
Marie: She done messed with the wrong witch, and she knows it and now you know it.

Fiona: This coven doesn't need a new supreme, it needs a new rug.

Fearful Pranks Ensue [3.04][edit]

Fiona: Tonight I'm going to let the whole world in and get a good look at me. Who's the baddest witch in town?

Myrtle: Fiona, it's been a long time.
Fiona: Myrtle Snow... Look at you, developing a sense of style when no one was paying attention.

Queenie: Madison Montgomery is a stone-cold bitch who loves hard drinking, big dicks and trouble. If she's dead, it's probably 'cause she got wasted and offered the Grim Reaper a hand job or something.

Spalding: These are my last words, Miss Fiona. I have always loved you.

Burn, Witch. Burn! [3.05][edit]

Elderly patient: [to Fiona] You didn't throw that acid but you might as well have.

Marie: [to her reanimated corpse army] Begin.

Marie: They got some real power in that witch house now.

Delphine: [about her own daughter] She had a monster for a mother. Her death was the only kindness I ever did for her.

Myrtle: If you wouldn't listen,.....
Fiona: YOU will sit! (Myrtle sits on a chair)

Myrtle: [upon being sentenced to burn] No need to bind me. I shall not resist. Why would I? I've been swimming against the tide my whole life. Look where it got me. I used to be an outcast, a freak, until I found my place in this coven. I thought I'd come home, but I was wrong. I go proudly to the flame. Go ahead, burn me.

Myrtle: [before being hot wet and burned by the cigarette because of Fiona] You're all toads in a pot which Fiona is slowly bringing to the boil, by the time you notice, it will already be too late, I'd rather burn than boil.
Fiona: (to Myrtle) Any last words?
Myrtle: You haven't seen the last of me before! (burns/screams/cries on fire)

The Axeman Cometh [3.06][edit]

Misty: [to Zoe about Kyle] Get him out of here. He broke Stevie.

Zoe: [to Spalding] Alright you twisted, tea-serving necrophiliac, what'd you do to Madison?

Marie: When I plant a fat-ass cracker bitch, I expect her to stay planted, not spring up like that damn ragweed.

Cordelia: (to the axeman) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (2 times), (the axeman breaks glasses) no, noooooooooooooo!

(The axeman breaks glasses.)

Madison: CORDELIA! (tries to unlock and open the door and save Cordelia from the axeman.)

Kaylee: [to Cordelia] I just want to find a good husband and have three kids. I think I have a good shot. I work out and play fantasy football.

The Axeman: I am not a human being, but a spirit. A foul demon from hottest Hell.

The Dead [3.07][edit]

Madison: I am a Millennial. Generation Y. Born between the birth of AIDS and 9/11, give or take. They call us "the Global Generation." We are known for our entitlement and narcissism. Some say it's because we're the first generation where every kid gets a trophy just for showing up. Others think it's because social media allows us to post every time we fart or have a sandwich for all the world to see. But it seems that our one defining trait is a numbness to the world, an indifference to suffering. I know I did anything I could to not feel. Sex, drugs, booze. Just take away the pain. Take away my mother and my asshole father. And the press, and all the boys I loved who wouldn't love me back. Hell, I was gang raped, and two days later I was back in class like nothing happened. I mean, that must have hurt like hell, right? Most people never get over stuff like that, and I was, like, "Let's go for Jamba juice." I would give everything I have or will ever have just to feel pain again. To hurt.

Delphine: It's this century. It still does perplex me so.
Queenie: You think I'm any less perplexed? I dragged my ass all the way here from Detroit to be with my, quote, "sister witches." And instead I'm sitting in a fast-food parking lot at 3 in the morning with an immortal racist. How'd that happen?

The Axeman: "The reason for living was to get ready to stay dead a long time."
Fiona: Faulkner.
The Axeman: As I lay dying.
Fiona: I get it. You're not just any old broke-down sax man, you're college-educated one.
The Axeman: I've led a... solitary life.

The Axeman: The joke was they always watched the bass player. But they should have watched my fingers... on the keys... my body in perfect synchronization... an extension of my instrument... no effort at all, just one with hit. The way my lips and my tongue wrapped around my instrument was... impeccable. My embouchure... that's how I calibrate, hit those clear, high, notes.

Marie Laveau: (to Madame) It's been such a long time.
Madame: You don't know this one, what did she (Queenie) do to me?
Queenie: (to Madame) Yes, I do, you dumb b*tch.
Madame: (to Queenie/Marie Laveau) No. (2 times) (gets arrested) NOOOOOOO! (3 times) (gets put into a cage/jail by Queenie and Marie Laveau), (crying), NOOOOOOOOOOOO (2 times), no, please!

Queenie: (to Marie Laveau) I love to.
Madame: (to Queenie) No, no, you stay away from me, you stay away from me you, hear me?! YOU STAY AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

The Sacred Taking [3.08][edit]

Myrtle: Can you imagine those poor Salem witches traveling all the way down here in covered wagons without a proper charcuterie platter or a bidet? Absolutely savage!

Fiona: I'm starting to look less Samantha and more Endora every day.

Queenie: Voodoo. Witchcraft. This town ain’t big enough for the both of us. War is coming.. and you're gonna lose.

Delphine: (to Queenie) Throw me back in the box. I've seen enough of this world. I'll take no part in a country that has a darkie in the White House.

Delphine: (to Marie Laveau) I'm not afraid of you. (Marie Laveau cuts Delphine's arm) OOOOOW (at several times)!

Cordelia: [to Misty Day] Your feet should be getting warmer.
Myrtle: I’m told it starts as a tingle in the cooch.
Fiona: For me, it started as a classic migraine. Auras, nausea, pain behind the eyes.

Madison: [to Fiona] Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me.

Head [3.09][edit]

Hank: I'm part of a sacred order, a soldier in a shadow war, a war that’s been raging since before the time of Salem; we are a brotherhood pledged in blood, dedicated to stamping out the pestilence of witchery on the North American continent.

Fiona: You know why I got a female attack dog?
Hank: Because bitches stick together?
Fiona: Because females are more loyal and aggressive when it comes to protecting their family.

Myrtle: At any rate, I’m not going to kill you, well maybe after dessert. I put a lot of effort into the Key Lime Pie. I do love a Key Lime Pie. Even more than a île flottante... call me a Philistine.

Fiona: Oh..Sweet Jesus !
Myrtle: He gets no credit. It was I who restored our beloved Cordelia.

Fiona: One dog moves out, another moves in. It's the circle of life.

The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks [3.10][edit]

Nan: [to Madison] Put out that cigarette. Now stick it in your vagina.

Fiona: [to Papa Legba] She’s innocent! Mostly... She killed the neighbor, but the bitch had it coming.

Papa Legba: [to Fiona] I don’t give a donkey shit about title. I want only one thing: your soul.

Papa Legba: [to Fiona & Marie from putting/killing Nan in the water in the tub] You two together are in biiiiiig trouble.

Fiona: [to the Axeman] Haven’t you heard? I have no soul. I'll just kill 'em all.

Fiona: Yeah, well before we hop on our broomsticks, let’s think it through.

Cordelia: (as Myrtle plays the theramin) What is that thing? It's hideous and weird.
Myrtle: Don't be a hater, dear.

Myrtle Snow: (to Cordelia) I'm trying to give you une demi tasse de realite, darling. Let's be honest. Living in Fiona's shadow is a challenge. What are your options when your mother's Hillary Clinton? Between us chickens, no matter how hard I worked at it, I never felt special, either. But with my reemergence from the flames - look at me, I'm fabulous, reinvigorated, one never knows what the universe has in store for us!
Cordelia Foxx: (crying) Oh, stop, stop talking, you are insane, my god, (breaks the glass)! I am an absolute failure! Everything that Fiona says is true! I don't belong here (with Myrtle) anymore, I don't belong anywhere (with Myrtle), (breaks the glasses), NO, (breaks the glasses)!

Protect the Coven [3.11][edit]

Delphine: I think I'm gonna like it here.

Myrtle: Madison, you are the worst kind of Hollywood cliche. You are a bubblehead with crotchless panties.
Madison: And you're a dried up, old hot pocket, but I don't judge.
Myrtle: You can't talk to me like that. I'm your elder.
Madison: Welcome to the revolution, Carrot Top. As the next Supreme, I'm gonna drag this Coven out of the Dark Ages. Crotchless panties for everyone.

Madison: [to Kyle] As for you, Ken doll. Well, putting you together was fun... [burns the cigarette] But taking you apart's gonna be even more fun.

Fiona: [to The Delphi Trust men] Here's my other offer. You can all just die.

Go to H*ll [3.12][edit]

Queenie: Where is Marie Laveau?
Fiona: She's probably off in some unholy nether realm, cavorting with that half-baked Beetlejuice. Papa Legaboo-boo, or whatever the hell his name is.

Queenie: [to Delphine] A dog returns to his vomit.

Misty: You bitch, [slaps Madison] you thought that I'm some dumb swamp rat you could leave behind to die?
Madison: Ummm, yes. [walks beside her]
Myrtle: Girls, stop these vulgar fisticuffs. [lights cigarette] It's beneath us.
Misty: I don't wanna waste my magic on you, I can do you with my hands.

Myrtle: Please tell me this is a hallucination driven by my bouquet of atropa belladonna.

Axeman: You must pay for what you've done!
Madison: Wow, did you walk into the wrong house?
Axeman: I'll kill all of you!

Misty: I can't bring someone back once they're gator shit.

Papa Legba: Congratulations, Madame Delphine LaLaurie, you have been granted your sweet release from de world of de mortal... and as punishment for your crimes of murder, torture, passion, fashion, and being an all-round no-good, miserable bitch, you will spend all of eternity here... in my home.
Madame: It's my home.
Papa Legba: No, it's mine,... welcome to h*ll (H*ll).

Madame: (to Papa Legba) You've seen the last of me.

Borquita: (to Madame) NO (DON'T DIE), PLEASE, MOTHER! (to Marie Laveua) NO! (Madame and Borquita scream) (Madame gets burned/killed by Marie Laveau)

The Seven Wonders [3.13][edit]

Cordelia: Careful, girls, it's not a game.
Madison: It's the best game and we need a goddamn break.
Zoe: Can't we just have a little fun?

Madison: I was Leisl (from her Sound of Music the recorded movie dream).

Kyle: You let her (Zoe) die, why did you let her die?
Madison: I did it for us, I love you. I love you... Please, please!
Kyle: You're not that good an actress.

Robert (Bobby) the 9 Year Old 4th Grader Boy: Mr. Krinkin (a 4th grade science teacher), she (Misty who's 31 years old to be with him) did it (made a frog alive) again!
Mr. Krinkin: Shut up!
Misty: (to Mr. Krinkin) Don't make me! (Don't make me cut or kill the frog!) (gets made cut/kill the frog) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (makes the frog alive)
Bobby: Mr. Krinkin,...!
Cordelia: (crying) (Misty disappears.) No!

Cordelia: [to Myrtle] Any last words?
Myrtle: Only one: BALENCIAGA! (Cordelia throws a cigarette at Myrtle) (burns/screams/cries on fire)

Fiona: You took my power the minute I gave birth to you.

Cordelia: [to Fiona] Feel the fear and the pain, let it all in, and then let it all go.

Season 4: Freak Show[edit]

Monsters Among Us [4.01][edit]

Dot Tatler: Dear Diary, It was a Saturday, the 3rd of September, that the world as I had known was forever doomed. The shadows that had sheltered me were banished by the blinding light of scrutiny. I knew I was about to enter the gates of Hell. But like the inescapable pull of gravity, there was nothing I could do about it.

Elsa Mars: So, you're virgins? Sad for you. But do you at least pleasure yourselves?
Bette Tatler: She never wants that.
Dot Tatler: I hate you.
Bette Tatler: If I touch myself, she closes her eyes and pretends she doesn't feel anything. She told me she leaves her body. I think she's lying. [whispering] I think she likes it.
Dot Tatler: Oh, shut your disgusting mouth, you slut!

Bette Tatler: Dear Diary, I have seen my future. It is pink and wrapped in silk. I never thought my escape from darkness could be so complete. I found myself in the middle of a movie star's palace. Elsa's tent is the epitome of glamour. There is only one law here-- the bigger the star, the bigger the tent. Glorious freedom. For the first time in my life, I dare to imagine myself surrounded by beauty.
Dot Tatler: Dear Diary, my soul plumbs new depths of despair. I long for the quiet of the farm. The warmth of my bed, the smell of flowers outside my window. I'm surrounded by a cesspool of activity. No words can do justice to the depravity that permeates the grounds.

Jimmy Darling: You're not worried?
Elsa Mars: Why should I be? I survived the Stasi. I think I can deal with the simpletons of the Jupiter Police Department.

Jimmy Darling: I tell you, sometimes I can't take it. The way they look at us. The way they treat us. It ain't right.
Amazon Eve: That's showbiz.

Elsa Mars: I'll tell you who the monsters are! The people outside this tent! In your town, in all these little towns. Housewives pinched with bitterness, stupefied with boredom as they doze off in front of their laundry detergent commercials, and dream of strange, erotic pleasures. They have no souls. My monsters, the ones you call depraved, they are the beautiful, heroic ones. They offer their oddity to the world. They provide a laugh, or a fright, to people in need of entertainment. Everyone is living the life they chose. But you you undoubtedly will be one of those soulless monsters. Perhaps you already are.

Dandy Mott: Where are the freaks? I'm getting bored.

Ethel Darling: Ladies and gentlemen, everything you've heard is true. All that has been advertised is here, under this tent. Wonders, curiosities! A plethora of the strange, the weird, the bizarre, the unusual! From jungles untamed to forests enchanted. From the Dark Continent to the spice-laden lands of India. Astounding mistakes of nature are gathered here for your amusement and edification. What you're about to see will astound your very senses and harrow yes, harrow your souls. And tonight, for the first time anywhere, the Spectacular Siamese Sisters! But amidst the terrifying and the tragic a voice and beauty. Ladies and gentlemen, direct from the cabarets of prewar Berlin, the enchantress who holds sway over all of nature's mistakes: Elsa Mars!

Elsa Mars: You see, we are a troupe of entertainers. A family. And you will not split up our family.

Jimmy Darling: Friends, this lawman was supposed to protect and serve the innocent. But instead, he judged us guilty before he even set foot into our camp. All we've ever wanted was a place where we could feel safe and be just the way we are. But no one is going to hand it to us. We're going to have to rise up and take it! Don't we deserve to be happy? When bad things keep happening to good people, you start to question what is right and what is wrong. Well, I say it's time we make our own right and wrong! I say it's wrong for them to treat us like shit and kick us around like the scum of the earth! They want to call us monsters? Fine, we'll act like monsters!

Elsa Mars: Those girls, I didn't bring them here for us, to save us. I brought them here for myself. So people would come and they would see me and I would finally become a star. It's what I've always wanted, nothing else. Is it too late for me? Is it wrong?

Massacres and Matinees [4.02][edit]

Dell Toledo: Dell Toledo the Stupendous Strong Man! You probably heard of me.

Desiree Dupree: Three titties, proper girl parts and a ding-a-ling. I'm a full blown hermaphrodite. Put that on your banner.

Elsa Mars: Show me your hands.
Dell Toledo: What, are you gonna read my future?
Elsa Mars: Your past. Come on, show me.
[Dell extends his hands to Elsa]
Elsa Mars: Strong hands. Calloused. And not afraid of hard work.
Dell Toledo: Not afraid of anything.
Elsa Mars: Maybe what this place needs is a strong male presence. Do you bark?
Dell Toledo: Hell, I'll even howl if you like.

Jimmy Darling: [to Dandy] You know what I wouldn't give to have real hands like yours? To be able to touch a girl without scaring her? From where I'm sitting you got the world on a string. So, you go home to your mansion on the hill, and you thank God for all you got.

Dell Toledo: [on seeing Ethel] Well, I'll be dammed. If it ain't old Honest Abe herself. Ethel, you look good. How's the old soup catcher? I would've expected to see some gray in it by now. You been dyeing it? You can tell me.

Elsa Mars: People don't come to see freaks in the heat of day. They come in the evening. When the darkness moves in and speaks of mystery. The unknown. When logic loosens its vice grip and the imagination comes out to play. The night allows the stars to shine and we come alive.

Dell Toledo: There will be paying asses in these seats tomorrow! Curtain goes up at 3:00.
Elsa Mars: That man is going to be a problem.

Dandy Mott: [to Twisty] Your silence is utterly provocative.

Jimmy Darling: Uh, what are you having, Pepper?
Pepper: Meat loaf. Meat loaf! Yeah! Meat loaf!
Jimmy Darling: She'll have the meat loaf.

Dell Toledo: Tragic, isn't it, when a plan breaks down?

Edward Mordrake Part I [4.03][edit]

Ms. Hennings: The medical community has always been fascinated by freaks of nature. They highlight the strange wonders of the human body, and illuminate the horrors of disease and disorder, death. For these poor souls, Halloween must have come as a great relief. The one ordained day they were allowed to hide behind costumes.

Ethel Darling: You know what, Doc? I ain't crying 'cause you told me I'm gonna die. I'm crying 'cause you're the f you're the first doctor ever treat me with respect. I just c-can't help thinking my whole life might have gone different if I'd met you sooner.

Dora: [to Dandy] Your mother might be afraid of you, but I'm not.

Dell Toledo: I could've been a better dad.
Ethel Darling: Well, that's the damn truth.

Dell Toledo: You know what I was wondering this morning? What it would've been like if I'd have stuck around, seen him grow up. Seen him put on his little Halloween outfit. What did he like dressing up as?
Ethel Darling: He always wanted to be the same thing. He wanted to be a soldier.

Maggie Esmeralda: Come by my tent anytime. I'll give you a free reading.
Dot Tatler: I'm sure that's not the only thing you give away for free.

Stanley: Nobody cares what happens to a freak. The only proper question is how we display the body: under formaldehyde or vacuum-sealed?

Dot Tatler: We're the headliners.
Elsa Mars: A bit of applause for a two-headed girl who sings a song, and you think you can push me out?
Dot Tatler: We should probably discuss our salary, since we are now the star attraction.
Elsa Mars: How dare you? I have been a star for decades now! You are nothing nothing but a two-headed freak stumbling around the stage, squeaking out a crummy tune. Go back to your tent and stay there, or I will take you into the swamp and leave you there.

Edward Mordrake: It is not in my heart to make you or anyone else a victim, my good woman. But the visage is unrelenting. I am its slave. [suddenly, to his second face] Silence! We have intruded upon this lady uninvited. Show some courtesy.

Edward Mordrake: Thank you for your pains, dear lady. I'm sorry you had to relive any of this.
Ethel Darling: I relive it every day.


Season 1[edit]

Season 2[edit]

Season 3[edit]

Season 4[edit]

External links[edit]

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