Andromeda (TV series)

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Andromeda is a television series based on the unpublished works of Gene Roddenberry. Its fifth and final season aired as a Sci Fi channel original in 2005.

Quotations are a recurring theme in Andromeda's pathos and mystique. As the show takes place in the far future, it regularly refers back to both real and fictitious persons to reveal the dramatic tragedy in the history of civilization. For example, the eponymously named Nietzschean people habitually cite the social critic of their namesake, Friedrich Nietzsche, but also refer to the important personae that succeeded him in future eras. This fusion builds a surrealist, if occasionally tenuous, connection between reality and speculative fantasy, making accurate quoting of the series an elaborate exercise.

Every episode commences with a quotation from an influential figure or publication in the Andromeda universe, setting up an ironic context for the plot to follow. It is a briefly animated sequence. White text fades in line-by-line from a completely black background, set to dramatic fanfare. The year of the quote is usually given and is abbreviated either as CY (Commonwealth Year) or AFC (After the Fall of the Commonwealth). Adding to the glamour of the scene, the author is sometimes labeled "Anonymous" or only the name of the work is given. While the opening quote may allude to works that exist in real-life, it is never credited to a real person.

Since the opening quotes are integral to the series, efforts have been made to format their display on this page as they are presented in the show. Efforts have also been made to link when a character quotes another figure in Wikiquote, where appropriate.

Contents

[edit] First Season

[edit] "Under the Night" (Series Premiere)

If the Commonwealth's High Guard
had a weakness, it was this:
Its officers were too competent,
too caring, and too brave.

Yin Man-Wei
The Rise and Fall of the Systems Commonwealth
CY 11942

Dylan: ...he'll learn
Gaheris: If he lives long enough
Dylan: Ever the cynic. You know I can't wait to hear your toast at my wedding "To Dylan and Sarah, I'm sure you'll have a long and happy life together. Unless you die"
Gaheris: Nietzcheans don't believe in optimism. It inhibits survival.
Dylan: So does pessimism
Trance: Oh, he's the guy who retired. Didn't you say he bought a farm?
Harper: Bought the farm, Trance.
Harper: I'm telling you, the guy is huge. He's like some kind of Greek god or something! [a reference to Kevin Sorbo's role as the title character in Hercules]
Harper: Lucky for you I'm a freaking genious.

[edit] "An Affirming Flame"

Some say the Commonwealth would have
fallen even without Nietzschean treachery.
They underestimate both the Commonwealth
and the Nietzscheans.

Yin Man-Wei
The Rise and Fall of the Systems Commonwealth
CY 11942

Harper: The ship! She's alive! And she is ticked off!
Tyr: I don't care if we wake up when the suns have all burned out and the universe is winding down to die, as long as I'm there to watch.
Gerentex: Forget them! Just get US out of here!
Harper: Yes, sir. Mr. fearless leader, sir.
Beka: We're not saluting you, and we're not calling you Captain.
Harper: Who does he think he is?
Rev: I assume he thinks he's a Neitzschean.

[edit] "To Loose the Fateful Lightning"

"Those who fail to learn history
are doomed to repeat it;
those who fail to learn history correctly--
why they are simply doomed."

Achem Dro'hm
"The Illusion of Historical Fact"
-- CY 4971

Rev: ...But you did go an hour without killing me. And if you can go an hour, maybe you can go a day, then a week. And then maybe, just maybe, a lifetime.
Rommie: Dylan may not be a god, but on this ship, I am.
Harper: That is the Andromeda I know, love, and gave human form to!


[edit] "D Minus Zero"

"Here's everything I know
about war: Somebody wins,
somebody loses, and
nothing is ever the same again."

Admiral Constanza Stark,
CY 9784

Harper: Is this the part where we bravely run away?
Harper: OK, how come they can hit us and we can't hit them?
Tyr: And when the Magog unleash their dreaded bouncing ball attack, we'll make them rue the day.
Dylan: I want Andromeda bucking like a drunken Vedran with a Nightsider on its back"
Beka: Sounds like my last date.
Dylan: You can tell us about that later.
Tyr: [to Dylan] Work as a team? With them? They're amateurs - children! And you? You're an anachronism. You haven't the first idea how unforgiving this universe has become, and I will not allow you to learn at my expense!
Beka: [to Tyr] Look on the bright side. Maybe some stray cosmic ray will zap just the right gene and give your children some killer mutation that will make the other Nietzscheans weep with envy.
Tyr: If the radiation is affecting me, then what do you suppose it's doing to Trance? To Harper? To you?
Beka: Tyr. Didn't know you cared.
Tyr: I care about survival. [Nonchalant] Do you?

[edit] "Double Helix"

Machiavelli's ideas are
basically sound ones for the
Nietzschean People.

Unfortunately,
he was an optimist.

Cerebus Khmer
"Aphorisms" - CY 8969

Rhade: To a Nietzschean, a game is never just a game.
Dylan: I trust Tyr to be Tyr.
Harper: [sarcastically] Opening the hangar door in the middle of combat, this should be fun.
Tyr: I let my own need for survival outweigh the fate of an entire people. My people.
Dylan: That was a very Neitzschean thing to do.
Tyr: [to Dylan] Let's hope you're here to pat yourself on the back tomorrow.

[edit] "Angel Dark, Demon Bright"

The Heavens burned, the stars
cried out
And under the ashes of infinity,
Hope, scarred and bleeding,
breathed its last.

Ulatempa Poetess
"Elegy for the Commonwealth"
CY 9823

Rev: While I admit the universe does have a sense of humour, I doubt very much that this is a joke.
Tyr: Would you let go of your useless emotional bias and think logically for a moment?!
Harper: Note to sculptors - Statues of me should look, I dunno, wise, concerned. I suggest posing me with a soldering wand over my head like a sword.
Andromeda: I'm a warship, and I don't like walking away from a fight.
Tyr: You know, I can cook, too. You'd be surprised at the skills you acquire as a mercenary.
Tyr: My people have a legend about the Battle of Witchead. They say that the Nietzschean forces arrived here with overwealming numbers. Their victory seemed assured. But then, in the critical hour, the Angel of Death appeared, summoning forth the Fires of Hell. The Nietzschean fleet was struck down. Crippled. Their glorious victory turned to ashes.
Beka: You knew all along?
Tyr: I've never seen an angel before.
Tyr: Guilt is a wasted emotion... or so I keep telling myself.
Dylan: God bless the Neitzscheans, where would the commonwealth be without them.

[edit] "The Ties that Blind"

Many say living in the Way is difficult.
Is sleeping difficult?
Is waking?

Serentity Vikram Singh Khalsa
Collected Words,
301 AFC

Trance: Patching him up is easy as cake.
Dylan: Easy as pie.
Trance: Are you sure about that? I think that making pie is a lot harder than cake.
Dylan: Just fix him, Trance.
Trance: Oh, he'll be fine. Compared to baking, brain surgery is a snap.
Rev: Hello Tyr. Have you come to join me in meditation?
Tyr: Meditation is for weak people with troubled minds. Is your mind troubled?
Rev: You have an interesting way of starting a philisophical discussion.
Dylan: Talking to yourself is the first sign of mental collapse.
Rommie: [simultaneously as avatar and hologram] Only for wetware.
Rev: It's not smart to make fun of a Magog with a migraine.
Dylan: Any of your prayers been answered, Rev?
Rev: Many, just not today.
Rester: You want our identity and purpose? This is 'Nahwals Lament', we're here to kill you!
Rev: Well bless you too.

[edit] "The Banks of the Lethe"

We say atoms are bound by
Weak Attractors.
Why not admit the Truth:
The Universe is held together by Love.

Michio Von Kerr,
Wayist physicist,
CY 9942

Dylan: I like them.
Beka: Yeah, but you like everyone, even people who try to kill you... especially people who try to kill you.
Sarah: I can't leave. Not until my experiment finishes running.
Dylan: You mean this? [Points to a computer terminal]
Sarah: Yes.
Dylan: [Dylan shoots the terminal, causing it to explode] Well now it's finished.
Harper: It's a teleporter… It scans you, destroys you, transmits you through the projector, and then rebuilds you from the particles up. Hilarity ensues.
Beka: I think Mr. Heisenberg would object.
Beka: Careful, Harper. That is one of Trance's plants.
Harper: I know.
Beka: She loves them.
Harper: I know.
Beka: She gives them names.
Harper: Trust in the Harper, the Harper is good. It goes in here... [Plant disappears] ...and it comes out there. [Plant reappears and explodes]
Beka: I believe she called that one "Walter".
Harper: All that work and he's still not going to get to first base. [pauses] Wait a second... maybe he can. Call me the Love-God, Baby.
Dylan: [to Rommie] When I touch you, do you feel me, or do you measure the pressure of my fingers against your skin? When I speak, do you hear me, or do you interpret an acoustic wave? I can't be objective about this, I'm not a machine.
Hohne: I must say, the prospect of tearing you apart particle by particle and re-assembling you on a ship 300 years in the past is quite exhilarating. We admire your devotion to science.

[edit] "A Rose in the Ashes"

"The truest measure of a society is
how it treats its elderly, its pets,
and its prisoners."
-- Keeper of the Way Vision of Faith VII
CY 9891

Tyr: Now can we blow them up?
Tyr: I can usually spot a planet. They're large. I have good eyes.
Warden: The majority of prisoners benefit from the smooth and efficient operation of the system. You are disrupting it. Why can't I make you understand that?
Jessa: Poor communication skills?
Beka: You're a good tactician, Tyr. One hell of a wet blanket.
Dylan: That's a million-to-one shot.
Trance: No, it was only one in 348.

[edit] "All Great Neptune's Ocean"

"Democracy may only be a few
steps removed from anarchy,
but at least it's not as loud."

Crowned in Starlight
Than Hegemon, CY 9843

Harper: Which explains why the two fish-necks get to hang out with the hot chick with the lungs. In fact, I think I will sit next to the lung lady.
Rommie: And create a major diplomatic incident? I don't think so.
Beka: What if they start shooting? How am I supposed to run in a dress?
Rommie: Good heavens! What kind of dinner parties have you been to?
Harper: That's their Hail To The Chief?! It sounds more like a tuna with a toothache.
Rommie: It sounds better underwater.
Beka: Oh, somebody shoot me.
Harper: Interplanetary pitchman, Seamus Harper.
Beka: I'm sorry. Was that Seamus or "Shameless" Harper?
Tyr: I think that's the most pathetic and ill-planned excuse for an assination I've ever seen. And... I speak as one who has had some... slight... experience in these matters.
Tyr: For the man determined to cook history's greatest omelet, you're awfully squeamish about cracking your eggs.
Yau: Assassins have been known to be eccentric.
Harper: Not Tyr. Err, overbearing, self-righteous, vain, vicious, brutal, way too serious and a little big, but eccentric? No.
Harper: Comme on, Rommie. Interface with me. It's the closest I'm ever gonna get.
Rommie: Harper, that would work for about a millisecond, then your brain would fry like an egg on a plasma relay.
Harper: Fine. But I reserve the right to confess later.
Beka: Hey, I read the first officer's job description. 'Playing Devil's Advocate' – it's on page three.
Dylan: Get thee behind me, Satan.
Rommie: What is it Rev Bem always says? The universe doesn't always give you what you want. It gives you what you need.
Dylan: I'm just a man.

[edit] "The Pearls that Were His Eyes"

Wealth is too precious
to be entrusted
to the rich.

Anonymous Kalderan Proverb,
circa CY 500

Dylan: I have only one question. What are we talking about?
Beka: If you don't want me to go, why don't you just say so?
Dylan: I don't want you to go.
Beka: Damn. Didn't think you'd say so.
Harper: [Regarding a list of much-needed but expensive parts for the Andromeda] OK, I can get most of this stuff, but we'll have to rig for a quick getaway.
Rev: Harper –
Dylan: Harper, we're not gunna steal anything.
Rev: Thank you.
Tyr: Well, what would you suggest?
Dylan: There's an old Earth custom, Tyr. It's called a garage sale.
Tyr: What's a garage?
Thug: C'mon baby, gimme some sugar. [Beka extends forcelance] What the hell is that?
Beka: Sugarcane.
Beka: Trance, do not let him buy you off with a backrub. This is Sam Profit we're dealing with.
Trance: I think you're just cranky from the gravity. Why don't you just think of it as a way of decreasing his corporate resources? [to the masseur] Now, let's start with the tail.
Trance: You know, I left some bubbles in the tub. I should probably go use them.
Sid: Tell me about Ignatius. I..I'm really sorry that I missed his funeral.
Beka: You didn't miss much. "Eject cargo pod: Yes/No"
Tyr: I wish you would stop looking for beauty in things that want to kill us.
Beka: Y'know, Trance, what I could do with 10 million guilders?
Trance: Oh, you could buy lots of drinks with little umbrellas in them.
Trance: I'm still trying to figure out this whole "poisoning yourself for fun" thing. I think I like it.
Trance: Hey, exactly where on the body is the moneymaker located?
Trance: What did they do to you?
Beka: Nothing – I walked into a door.
Trance: So... did you tell the door what it wanted to know?
Rev: Don't tell me, you've got a plan.
Dylan: OK, I won't.
Rev: He always has a plan.
Sid: Flash. It's the ultimate edge. You'll love it. 5 milligrams today, 5 milligrams tomorrow, and the next day you will be selling your first born for just 1 milligram more.
Beka: You can't stop a Valentine with a head full of steam. Believe me, I know, I tried.
Tyr: I wouldn't crack open any epic novels if I were you.
Tyr: I think it's quite possible she may have taken advantage of your generosity and gone back into business for herself.
Dylan: Because that's what you would do?
Tyr: Not after warning you.
Sid: My feeling is that when it comes to destroying evidence, nothing beats a sun.

[edit] "The Mathematics of Tears"

"If hope is the engine of the soul,
Then duty is the navigator...
And love is the fuel."

High Guard Supreme Commander
Sani nax Rifati
"Persuasions and Exhortations"
CY 4279

Beka: Once a century – they get less action than you do, Harper.
Harper: Ha ha. No they don't.
Rommie: The Systems Commonwealth wasn't built in a day.
Harper: I really should shave those little hairs off the back of my neck.
Harper: Well, that's really sad that a whole world had to die, but you look great!
Harper: I think I know what's wrong with your slipstream drive there, Dutch. It's missing!
Harper: High Guard engineers. They're so touchy.
Rev: I've discovered something disturbing about Lt. Pearce.
Harper: What, that she's a psychotic android with a grudge?
Rev: I was going to say that she's not on the crew manifest.
Tyr: You're risking your lives to save a machine?
Beka: She's not just a machine, she's family.
Harper: Ok, this is getting weird.
Beka: Getting?
Beka: You missed Tyr's cavalry act.
Tyr: They were playing Wagner. It's the most fun I've had in about six months.
Beka: I suppose now would be a bad time to put in for vacation?
Dylan: Err... yeah.

[edit] "Music of a Distant Drum"

KLUDGE (Klooj) - N. Disparaging
term for genetically unmodified
human being. See also "Über"

A Concise Dictionary of Slang
and Euphemism
C.Y. 9021

Tyr: Alright. One more question. Who am I?
Tyr: We can eat virtually anything as long as it's organic.
Yvaine: Well, we've got plenty of driftwood.
Beka: I kept dreaming about you. It was very… um, what's the opposite of sleep-inducing?
Dylan: Arousing?
Beka: Yeah, it wasn't that kind of dream. It was very disturbing. Yeah, that was the word I was looking for, disturbing.
Beka: Fine. If you'd rather chat with the local bugs than make a small fortune, who am I to argue?
Tyr: I'll teach you rule Number 1. You never aim a gun at someone unless you intend to use it.
Hanno: Be careful. I might live up to your expectations.
Tyr: Or, you might not live at all.
Beka: Your entire crew has an ulterior motive. Rev Bem wants to use your Commonwealth to spread his faith. Harper is in lust with your ship. Tyr is always plotting something, and God only knows what the purple one is up to. Does it really surprise you to find out that I'm no different?
Tyr: I should have killed you.
Arjun: Give. You're nothing. You-re no one.
Tyr: You're wrong. I am Tyr Anasazi of Kodiak Pride! Out of Victoria by Barbarosa! And I will never surrender!
Tyr: These aren't the old days.
Dylan: Not yet, but I'm working on it.

[edit] "Harper 2.0"

"One head cannot
contain all Wisdom."

The Olduvai Cycle

Systems University Archives,
CY 8550

Harper: It's a... killer beach-ball.
Beka: So, what's the verdict?
Tyr: He's dead.
Beka: Yeah, I meant what killed him?
Tyr: What didn't kill him? We've got stab wounds, laser and radiation burns, this appears to be some sort of residual neurotoxin. And these pinpoint wounds, I've never seen anything like them.
Beka: Weird. Perseids can be annoying, but this is just ridiculous.
Dylan: Why do you think he attacked you?
Harper: Jealous of my good looks, maybe?
Harper: Hey! What's up Rommie? Romalan. Romalanski. Read-only-memory.
Rommie: A simple Rommie will suffice.
Rommie: Harper, I had no idea you were such a cunning linguist.
Harper: Enlighten you? The divine is good, don't do Flash, and if you're nice to people, they probably won't be nice to you. Now run along kids, daddy's working.
Harper: [about Trance] She's much more interesting – an enigma wrapped in a riddle, with a tail in the middle.
Harper: As the senior medical expert here, I can tell you, I am not gonna have a stroke, ok? Now, are we through here. I don't know Dr. Harper, are we? Yes. I think we are. Err, meeting adjourned.
Rev: You need the one thing that all of your knowledge cannot provide... Wisdom.
Harper: Wisdom. Great. Show me the yellow brick road, Mr Wizard. How do I get wisdom?
Rev: Let go, Harper. Let go. Give over to The Divine. All that you are. All that you have. Including your pain. Calm your breath. Repeat. My pain belongs to the divine. It is like air. It is like water.
Harper: My pain belongs to the divine. It is like the air. It is like the water.
Rev: Good. Again.
Harper: My pain belongs to the divine. It is like air. It is like water. It's like a freakin' freight train running through my brain. You sure this works?
Rev: Harper. Think of hunger. Think what is must be like to go days, even weeks without food. Now, imagine what it would be like to know that in the midst of that starvation, you could eat, feast, satiate your hunger. But only by killing the people that you love. That is my pain. It is with me each day. My pain belongs to the Divine. It is like air. It is like water.
Harper: Rev, right no, I'm the smartest guy in the universe, but that don't count for squat unless I can help my friends.
Beka: Errr... weirdness, incoming.
Harper: I want my Rommie.

[edit] "Forced Perspective"

Humans say the Road to
Hell is paved with
good intentions.

Why? Do they think there's a
shortage of bad ones?

Karm'Luk P'an Ku,
"The Joy of Lucidity"
CY 8633

Beka: The Maru is not just a ship, it's my livelihood. It's the hospital where I was born. I opened Christmas presents in the airlock when I was a kid. And after the Salvage Guild debutante's ball, it's where I lost my…
Dylan: Where am I?
Lawyer: Confess.
Dylan: I confess, I don't know where I am.
Trance: Umm, hi, guys, this is Trance. Umm, I just.. You know how sometimes things happen that you can't quite predict and sometimes they're good and sometimes they're not, well, this is one of those "not" times. Help.
Dylan: People are dying. We have to do something.
Gaharis: Fine. Then lets find Ferrin and put one [bullet] through his head. Problem solved.
Dylan: You see, this is why I am in charge.
Venetri: A good architect brings physical form to the dreams of his clients.
Dylan: Yeah, in your case, your client is a paranoid dictator.
Venetri: Unfortunately.
Dylan: Mr March, I think you're becoming a pessimist.
Gaheris: I'm a Realist, and I think we need to revisit a Realist solution.
Lawyer: In light of his mercy, do you have anything to say to us?
Dylan: I think we're all a little tired of my name, rank, and serial number.
Trance: Here, I want you to drink this very slowly – it's water.
Dylan: How?
Trance: How? Well, when two hydrogen atoms love each other very much, they bond with an oxygen atom…
Dylan: You were a thief?
Trance: No, thieves have bad intentions, I never do… but, I am going to steal you now, so let's get out of here.
Dylan: At least you are consistantly Nietzschean in your views.
Gaharis: Thank you.
Dylan: That's Venetri.
Trance: You're kidding!... Who's Venetri?
Beka: Where'd you get all the candles?
Tyr: I rendered them from the fat of my enemies.
Beka: I can't wait to see the entrée!
Beka: Wow. You're quite a renaissance man, Tyr. Gourmet chef, mercenary killer...
Trance: That's the thing about guessing. Ninety per cent of the time it's fifty-fifty.
Trance: There are 1,342,063 others [possible futures] and some of them, some of them are really great. There's even the mathematical posibility that everything will turn out perfectly.
Dylan: Can you control that?
Trance: No. Life is chaos. Chaos is life. Control is an illusion.
Dylan: [Reading from Trance's report about the mission] "I looked for you, I found out where you were, I traveled to where you were, and I got you out." That's your entire report?
Trance: You wanted something more?

[edit] "The Sum of Its Parts"

"Between birth and death lies desire,
Desire for life, for love,
for everything good.

And this is the source
of all suffering."

Outcast Consensus 17,
CY 10942

Beka: So, what you're saying is that you randomly chose a bunch of human female features, you mixed them all up, and this was the first face that you came up with?
Rommie: I may have experimented with a few options.
Beka: Define "a few".
Rommie: 170,894
Beka: I KNEW IT!!
Beka: Errr, weirdness alert.
HG: What is it you humans say? Take me to your leader.
Dylan: If someone says they want to initiate peaceful contact, we have to at least give them a chance.
Tyr: Captain Hunt…
Beka: Save your breath, he's got that look again.
HG: This is where the parts come together? With your hands?
Harper: Exactly. My hands.
HG: You are like… a slow Directing Intelligence Unit.
Harper: OK… I'll take that as a compliment.
Beka: [About HG] Is there any way you can escort him on a tour of the ship's public areas? Something? Anything? Let him ambassadorise somewhere else. Please?
Rommie: I believe the phrase "No chance in hell" would be appropriate.
Dylan: That was heartfelt and deeply convincing.
Dylan: Does it look like sabotage?
Harper: Errr, sources say....YES!
Harper: Introducing "Harper Nanobot 107". I like to call this model the "Ms. Pacman". [Imitates the sound made by Pacmen] It's an obscure reference to an ancient video game.
Tyr: Never underestimate the power of words.
Rommie/HG: VX, I have learned many things from interfacing with humans. Including one particulary useful phrase. "Go To Hell".

[edit] "Fear and Loathing in the Milky Way"

Warning: Do Not Operate Heavy
Machinery or Navigate The Slipstream
While Under the Influence
Of This Beverage.

Sparky - Cola (Label),
291 AFC

Harper: Trance, I'm telling you. That waitress really dug me. We shared this thing. This, err... pure, special, cosmic connection.
Trance: Wasn't that what you said about that stripper you met on Mendocino Drift? The one who had the elbow spikes and threatened to perforate you, stick a light in your ribcage and turn you into a planetarium?
Harper: She is not a stripper. Her name was Dusky and she was a professional dancer.
Gerentex: Don't push me human. I can't say that I'd mind indulging in a little senseless violence right about now.
Harper: Funny. I was thinking the same thing.
Gerentex: [to Trance] Aren't you dead?
Trance: I got better.
Gerentex: Huh. Lucky you.
Gerentex: Let me put it this way, monkey brain, either you take me where I want to go, or I'll send you back to Captain Valentine in a box!
Harper: Do you practice those lines in the mirror? Cause they really need work.
Reaper: I'm looking for a Nightsider.
Trance: Well, we have one right here…
Harper: Uhh, please secure any loose articles and keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times.
Gerentex: Oh, shut up.
Rommie: Take this disgusting substance for example. Sparky Cola. It has no nutritional value, rots the teeth, and slowly dissolves the digestive tract. And yet he imbibes at least 3000 milliliters of it every single day.
Beka: Yeah, Harper's twin muses, Chaos and Caffiene.
Gerentex: Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Let's have old Gerentex take us into his confidence and reveal his latest scheme for wealth and success, and then we'll betray him and keep it all for ourselves!
Trance: We would never do that!
Harper: I would.
Trance: True.
Harper: You kill her, I kill you, you lose. You kill her and you kill me, the ship blows up, you still lose. Either way, you lose.
Trance: Umm, excuse me. Can we please discuss the "killing her" part?
Trance: If this is that good-cop bad-cop game you were telling me about, isn't this the point where I'm supposed to play good-cop?
Harper: Sorry, mon cheri, welcome to... a new game! Bad cop, worse cop! And guess which one I am!
Rommie: So what do we offer the Perseids this time?
Dylan: Protection, peace of mind, mints on their pillows...
Harper: Shut up, rat. Just tell me where to go.
Gerentex: I have several suggestions.
Beka: So he [Dylan] talks and we sit. Unless you've got any ideas.
Tyr: Sadly, I doubt our beneficent commander would appreciate it if we were to nuke the planet from orbit. Though I can hardly say I'd mind the exercise.
Harper: Cry me a river and drown in it.
Andulasia: I prefer my men strong and silent.
Trance: Well, you won't like Harper then.
Trance: Are you afraid of a little purple girl?
Gerentex: There are two kinds of people in this universe, Mr Harper. The kind with loaded guns and the kind who open doors. You open doors.
Gerentex: Run for your lives, but let me go first!
Harper: As much as I enjoy these long, lingering looks into your dark, beady eyes, I don't think I'm ready for a relationship.
Trance: I am so sick of this, you two, with your violence and your threats and your shooting stuff. Neither of you gets it, do you? There isn't enough love in the universe as it is, and you're both just helping to kill off what's left. So SHAPE UP, because if you don't show each other a little peace, love, and understanding, I'm going to kill you both.
Trance: When you think about it, beautiful things can change the universe.
Harper: I did not spend twenty years on that hell-hole we lovingly call earth by being Santa's little helper. I survived by being the nastiest peice of work to ever club someone over the head in the back alley over a hunk of cheese. So please, keep pressing that little button. Get your money's worth. Because then it's going to be the worse day of the end of your life.
Harper: How's this for a little known yet highly entertaining fact. You see, whenever the teacher lets us take the Maru out on these little class field trips, I key the power generators to my life sign.
Trance: You do?
Harper: See? Little known. The point is, if my life sign should suddenly, I don't know, expire, the genrators overload and explode. [snaps] Like that. In a heartbeat, uh- in my heartbeat.
Trance: [to Gerentex] It's not your fault that nightsiders have hundreds of babies that eat everything in sight until they reach dry land and become sentient, it's just the way you evolved.

[edit] "The Devil Take the Hindmost"

"Only those born guilty Recognize
Innocence for what it Is:

The rarest thing in the Universe,

And the most Precious."

The Anointed, The Finder of The Way,
C.Y. 9799

Rev: As Harper would say, "that would suck."
Dylan: You know, Rev, there are some words that should never trip across the tongue of a Magog, and "suck" is one of them.
Rev: I'll make a note of that.
Rev: Give me the strength to follow the path. To give and not to count the cost. To struggle, and not to heed the wounds. I am the darkness become the light. I am the darkness become truth. I am the darkness become The Way.
Rev: There are no stronger weapons than mercy and hope.
Dylan: Maybe so, but I would still prefer a platoon of Lancers.
Tyr: We forfeited our profit and earned the wrath of our own guards by double-crossing them, for what?
Beka: The pleasure of knowing a whole batch of baby bugs are getting named Beka and Tyr?
Tyr: I can die happy.
Rev: We saved paradise, by introducing the serpent.

[edit] "The Honey Offering"

"The enemy of my enemy
is still my enemy."

Drago Museveni

C.Y. 8427

Tyr: I believe I've found a way to increase the peace.
Dylan: No offense, but you make an unlikely dove.
Dylan: Well, you've had the benefit of a more diverse exposure. Maybe you could share your experiences with her – that non-Nietzscheans aren't inferior?
Tyr: You'd like me to lie to her?
Dylan: Just ask her to tone it down a little. We inferiors are very sensitive.
Elssbett: Allowing yourself to be betrayed proves your inferiority.
Trance: She doesn't like flowers. What kind of person doesn't like flowers?
Tyr: Believe me, boy, Elssbett holds you in utter contempt.
Harper: I know. She's hot, and she's a good judge of character. So what if she holds me in utter contempt? At least she's thinking of me.
Dylan: Don't surrender anything while I'm gone, OK?
Beka: If you say so.
Dylan: I gave my word to your pride. My word is the foundation of the Commonwealth.
Elssbett: I have never met anyone who thought like that... Probably because the universe kills them before they can reproduce.
Beka: So, why is it, whenever anyone goes on a suicide mission, they take my ship?
Dylan: Becuase it has seatbelts.
Elssbett: If you've finished saying goodbye to your lover, I am ready to leave.
Dylan: [Gives a nervous laugh] She is not my...
Beka: Oh, why hide it? [Walks up and kisses Dylan. Turns to Elssbett] Just remember, he's pretty to look at, lovely to hold, but if you break him, you consider him sold. [Back to Dylan] Bye bye, Sweetie.
Elssbett: After the way I've treated you, how can you care what happens to me?
Dylan: I care because I'm human.
Trance: "Surrender!" "Surrender!" All his messages are the same. He sounds like an evil parrot.
Harper: I can't believe I'm going to die at the hands of converging red blips.
Trance: What if they're not decoys?
Beka: Then when we get to the Pearly Gates, make sure everyone lines up behind Rev. [to Rev] You've got spin control.
Rev: I'll… see what I can do.
Elssbett: You're starting a war.
Dylan: No, you are starting a war. I'm just re-arranging the sides.

[edit] "Star-Crossed"

"You ask why we give our Ships'
Computers normal Emotions?

Do you really want a Warship
Incapable of Loyalty?

Or of love?"

The Unshattered Allegiance,
High Guard Frigate
Artificial Intelligence Rights Activist,
C.Y. 7309

Trance: They even have a guild devoted entirely to the art of "abdomen dancing". [she demonstrates]
Dylan: Trance, that's Eridanu sign language, and I think you just made a rather naughty suggestion to Harper.
Trance: Oh, well, fair's fair. Harper made a rather naughty suggestion to nearly half the women there at the reception. Without success, I might add.
Beka: Time they picked on someone ten times their own size.
Harper: Wow, you've got logichips coming out the quinitiflop. What are you, some kind of robot brain-scientist-rocket-surgeon thing?
Rommie: Harper! [Motions for him to leave]
Harper: Ok. Alright. I know when I'm not wanted. I usually don't listen, but, I know.
Beka: Some places they worship androids, and some places... they melt them down.
Rommie: Gabriel prefers "Synthetic Lifeform".
Beka: Gabriel prefers?! Yeah, I think I get it. Rommie has a crush on the new guy.
Rommie: [Indignant] It's not like that. Gabriel is a unique oppotunity, the first chance I've had to interface with one of my...
Beka: [Inturupting] Interface? Hmmm, I've never heard it put quite that way before.
Andromeda (Monitor): I'm supposed to be a warship, not a lovesick schoolgirl.
Andromeda (Hologram): The geometry is depressingly familiar.
Andromeda (Monitor): A triangle. The unattainable captain on one side, the charismatic newcomer on the other.
Rommie: Stop talking about me as if i'm not here. Both of... you.
Andromeda (Monitor): This is confusing.
Harper: Or our sensors aren't paying attention.
Andromeda: What do you mean "Not paying attention"?
Harper: Ah, gee, I don't know. Maybe that we're facing the second baddest ship in the known universe and our AI is making Moony-eyes at Mr tall, spark and handsome.
Tyr: Love is merely a trick the DNA plays to replicate itself.
Andromeda: I don't have DNA.
Tyr: My point exactly. Are the two of you planning to procreate? Will there be a nursery full of little grav sleds and data disks?
Andromeda: Cynic.
Harper: Hey. I finally got you in my bed.
Harper: I love Physics.
Dylan: Well, here's the happy groom now. I feel like I should have prepared a toast.
Beka: I think I've got one: Here's to Gabriel. Be nice to Rommie, or I'll rip your head off.
Gabriel: If I let her down, I'll rip it off myself.
Rommie: I killed him, Dylan. I loved him, and I killed him. [Crying]
Dylan: You had no choice.
Rommie: No, I didn't. Because I'm a warship, and warships only know how to do one thing, and that's kill. We don't have hearts. We don't have empathy. We're killers. We're attack dogs. And I'm afraid. The Balance of Judgment went insane, the Pax Magellanic went insane, and I don't want that to happen to me.
Dylan: You're forgetting something. The Balance of Judgment had no captain, no crew. The Pax lost her captain. Why do you think warships have captains in the first place? I'm your heart, Rommie. I always will be.
Rommie: [Calming Down a bit] These physical reactions. I didn't know Harper was so good.
Dylan: The Commonwealth needs you, Andromeda. The crew needs you. I need you. So, permission to chop yourself into pieces is officially denied.

[edit] "It Makes a Lovely Light"

"Come bitter Rain,
And wash from my Heart
That saddest of all Words:

Home"

Ulatempa Poetess, "Song of My Exile"
CY 9825

Harper: It's half mystical mumbo-jumbo, half putrid poetry, and half bad math.
Rommie: That's three halves.
Harper: Like I said, bad math.
Beka: Hello, Tyr. What do you want?
Tyr: Command codes for the Eureka Maru.
Beka: As in my ship? Awww. Did you wake up insane or was it a slow onset?
Tyr: No one's reached Tarn-Vedra in 300 years, and better pilots than you have died trying.
Beka: There are no better pilots than me.
Rev: There's a very fine line between gleaning and pillaging. I believe one draws that line with a laser saw.
Rev: If the universe is a manifestation of the Divine, could not the slipstream be the very mind of God?
Dylan: Well, if that's the case, then I'm afraid God had a seizure and forgot all about Tarn-Vedra.
Beka: And here comes God's little brain surgeon.
Rev: Beka, some humility, please!
Beka: Yeah, I tried that once. I didn't like it.
Dylan: Like they say, in slipstream, confidence is everything.
Rommie: Hasturi makes a lot of references to the ancient Earth epic, "The Odyssey".
Beka: Except when he confuses his Vedrans with his centaurs, and then he just veers right off of Homer and starts quoting Einstrom Becksman.
Harper: We are here. On your left will be a black hole we'll call, say, uh, "rock". And on your right, one we'll call "hard place".
Harper: Did you know that 82% of people on prison planets are Flash addicts?
Beka: Y'know what? They tell you that kind of stuff just to scare you.
Harper: Sure, to scare you out of killing your neighbours.
Beka: Is that an order, Captain? My Captain? Oh, I forget. Actually, your not a real Captain, are you? There's no High Guard. There's no commisioned officers. Who around here is an actual Captain? Don't, don't, don't tell me. Let me guess. It's coming to me, It's coming to me. Let's see, that would be ME.
Tyr: This has nothing to do with good or evil. Drugs create dependence. Dependence is weakness. Weakness is death.
Harper: She's Flash-fried and freeze-dried.
Beka: You know what, Tyr, you know what? I've got two words for you. Err, "Anabolic", err, "Steriods".
Trance: Sometimes you just have to allow people to make the mistakes they need to make.
Harper: That unfamiliar sound you're hearing is me exhaling with relief.
Harper: We needed a Plan B. You always have a Plan B.
Dylan: Yes, but my Plan B's work.

[edit] "Its Hour Come 'Round at Last" (Season Finale)

"Screams of a billion murdered Stars
Give lie to the night's Peace,

While we cling in desperation to the Few
Fragile spinning stones we call Worlds."

Wayfinder First Order Hasturi
aka "The Mad Perseid"
217 AFC

Dylan: It's a little-known law of thermodynamics – The Conservation of Optimism – there's only so much to go around.
Beka: In that case, it's simple – lower your expectations.
Dylan: You're right. I officially declare this glass 12% full.
Beka: That's the spirit.
Andromeda (Hologram): Stop! Where are you going?
Rommie: To find out what's wrong with me. Sometimes I can be a real pain in the ass!
Beka: We're never gonna make it.
Dylan: Well now who's the pessimist?
Harper: This is the engineer. You may have noticed the lack of a sudden drop in environmental pressure. Though this is a good thing, it, err, may not last, so enjoy the oxygen while you can.
Tyr: Harper, what's going on?
Harper: I don't know. I mean, umm, my current theory is that... somehow... an older version of andromeda's personality profile may have been reactivated and is now taking over the ship.
Dylan: How did you figure that out?
Harper: I think the key thing right now is to repair the problem. We can worry about minor details like assigning blame later.
Andromeda: Automated defenses ineffectual against this target. Deactivating.
Rommie: It's about time.
Harper: Say "good night" to the automated defenses. Good night, automated defenses.
Harper: [Listening to the sound of Magog] No. No, no, no, no, no. This is not happening. This is not happening.
Harper: What does it matter? We're all going to die. We're all going to die, except those of us that get infested with Magaog eggs. We're just gonna be...
Tyr: I am not going to die today just because you cannot control your fear.
Dylan: Do you regret it? Signing aboard with me?
Beka: Risking my life? Battling Nietzscheans and Restors and Magog and half the lunatics in the galaxy? All for a cause that's been dead for over 300 years? I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
Tyr: Harper! I know you! I've watched you! You are an annoying little man, but there is fire in your blood - now use it! Are these your demons? Well it is time to face them, now!
Harper: Memory core, memory core. Who's got the memory core?
Dylan: Remind me, when we're done, to give us all medals. "Order of the Commonwealth" for everyone.
Dylan: Beka, I may not make it.
Beka: Don't be ridiculous. You're too stubbon to die. We all know that.
Dylan: To hell with the odds. All that matters in life is that we try. Promise you'll try.
Tyr: Where there is life, there is hope!
Andromeda: Those worlds. They're hollow, and they are full of Magog. Trillions of them.

[edit] Second Season

[edit] "The Widening Gyre" (Season Premiere)

If we do not live another day,
say this over our pyre:
They died like High Guard Lancers
With their faces to the fire.

Regimental Hymn of the
13th Imperial Lancers
CY 4233

Trance: OK, Trance, you can do this, you know you can. There is a perfect possible future where everything will turn out just fine, and the odds of creating that future are only 1,671,000 to 1. More or less.
Andromeda: We haven't exactly had a burning need for planetary warfare bots.
Rommie: I deployed Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.
Dylan: How are the lads?
Rommie: Efficient, as usual. They drove off the first wave of the Magog assault ships.
Dylan: Yeah, but the Magog can always send more. Magog suck.
Andromeda: Well, on the bright side, the Worldship was heading towards the known worlds anyway, before you just didn't know about it. At least this way, you can face it head-on.
Beka: That was such a warship thing to say.
Harper: Tyr! Oh man, don't be dead. You can't be dead. I mean, crap, I'm alive.
Harper: You want to make them feel overconfident? I've got an idea: Why don't we let them paralyze us, bind us to the wall, and infest us with their Magog eggs? Oh, gee, we did that already! Boy, we got them right where we want them!
Harper: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where there's life, there's hope. Faint, infinitesimal, minuscule, microscopic, virtually undetectable hope, but hope nonetheless.
Rommie: Twenty worlds, joined into a single structure, manipulated by artificial gravity and powered by an miniature sun. I guess it's true what they say: No matter how powerful you are, there's always someone bigger and stronger than you – I just never thought it applied to me.
Andromeda: Say it won't happen again. You have to promise to me, Beka, that when this is over, I will either be heading home with a crew aboard, or not at all.
Harper: Dylan! I hope that bomb explodes soon because I'm getting exhausted. Dylan!
Rommie: There are thousands of tunnels.
Dylan: You'd think they'd have signs.
Dylan: Don't they have any respect for tradition? Whatever happened to just clawing people to death?!
Trance: It's not impossible, it's just really unfair.
Tyr: Magog quoting Dante.
Rev Bem: Canto seventeen.
Harper: Uhh, guys, can we save the poetry for later, get the hell out of here?
Tyr: I know but one person idiotic enough to try and rescue three dead men from a Magog hive.
Dylan: That's me, Captain Idiot. Now, I don't know about the three of you, but we have a ship to catch.
Eureka Maru: Condition critical, condition critical.
Rommie: No, really?
Rommie: Oh Andromeda, am I glad to see me.
Tyr: [Imitating a child] Kill me. I'm doomed. You should have just let me die. [Stops imitation] Listen to yourself! Child, if I can teach you one thing...
Harper: [Interrupting] If you're gonna give me any more of that "Where there's life, there's hope" crap... Thanks... Because I really need to hear it right about now.
Dylan: The renewed Commonwealth. Before it was a dream, now it is a necessity.

[edit] "Exit Strategies"

The soul is larger than the sky
Deeper than the ocean,
Or the abysmal dark
Of the unfathomed center.

- Enoch Vere de Vere.
"Lamentations Sous-terre", CY 9734

Beka: Thank the stars for momentum.
Dylan: What about the others?
Beka: I'll check. Just hold still, you're uhh, you're dripping on my ship.
Tyr: Reverend Behemiel! [Slaps Rev] You dead?
Rev: Tyr Anasazi of the Kodiak Pride. Clearly I am not in heaven.
Beka: My first job is to repair your forehead.
Dylan: I'll be fine.
Beka: Yeah, okay, tough guy.
Tyr: Captain Hunt, In the past few months, you've been placing yourself in a number of very risky situations. It's not a healthy trend.
Dylan: Thank you, Tyr. I didn't know that you cared.
Beka: I hate planets. The dirt, the unregulated temperatures, and the water, which I also hate... unless it comes in bottles. Water turns into snow and ice, which I also hate, like I pretty much hate every kind of weather. I hate the weather. Did I mention that?
Dylan: [As they're being shot at by Nietzscheans who have declared that they only want Tyr] Anything you want to tell me?
Tyr: No, not particularly.
[Almost hit by a gunshot]
Dylan: We'll save the conversation for later.
Harper: Look! I can't go in there, alright? I, I can't deal with being in the engine room, or anywhere else where I was attacked. It stinks like Magog, and I'm feeling a little Magogophobic, okay? Don't look at me like that, Rommie. I can't! I wanna help, I wanna fix the ship, I just... I can't.
Dylan: [After falling ontop of Beka] Beka?
Beka: I didn't think you went in for hugs.
Dylan: Oh, I, err, I love hugs. It's the kissing that freaks me out.
Rev Bem: [After the Maru fell into a sinkhole] I realize we are all fallen angels, but twice in one day?
Dylan: Tyr, any ideas about what might change their minds about killing us?
Tyr: Killing them first?
Dylan: It sure would be easier with another helping hand.
Beka: Yeah. Unfortunately, one of them is slowly starving to death and the other one is out betryaying us.
Dylan: We don't know that.
Beka: Well, somehow, I don't think Tyr took all of our guns for Nietzschean "Show and Tell".
Dylan: With Tyr, you never know.
Andromeda: Reactor Overload. Power reactor 1 going critical. Unable to vent due to damage in the AP line.
Rommie: Harper, if you don't get in there and fix that line, we'll blow up! Do you hear me? You're going to die!
Harper: Good. 'Cause in case you didn't notice when I had that gun shoved in my gut, I want to die.
Dylan: [After seeing Nietzscheans being eaten alive] Bon appitite.

[edit] "Heart for Falsehood Framed"

Love? Truth? Beauty?
I prefer negotiable securities.

Doge Miskich var Miskich,
"All About Me" 301 AFC

Rommie: Peerpoint Drift is a den of thevies. I say let the Than blow them up.
Dylan: Well, that is why you, are not conducting the negotiations.
Beka: Rain, mud, unfiltered air, Magog raids. Thanks, I'll take a nice artificial gravity field.
Harper: We have nothing in common. Why do I worship you?
Beka: Uncharacteristic bout of good taste.
Hawkins: Look, lady…
Beka: I'm no lady, I'm a starship pilot.
Hawkins: Seamus Harper – Grand Theft Spacecraft, and Interstellar Flight to Avoid Prosecution, and Public Lewdness?
Harper: Only the one time.
Rommie: Frankly, I'd destroy you myself, but he's my captain and I listen to him. I suggest you do, too.
Dylan: I'm a soldier. Diplomacy is not exactly my strong suit either, but, trust me, it beats intersteller war any day. So, lets dust off our old copies of "Negotiation for Beginners" and see if we can avoid any bloodshed.
Dylan: I love a challenge.
Beka: We're not going to get past Leydon Bryce Hawkins with history lessons. He's smart.
Trance: And cute.
Beka: A fact which, like your age and place of origin, has really nothing to do with the task at hand.
Trance: Good point.
Beka: You know, Nietzschean males, always marking territory. You've gotta be careful or he sprays the trees.
Hawkins: C'mon – Trust me!
Beka: Trust you? Can we start with something easier? Perpetual motion, maybe? Universal translator?
Beetle: Make me an offer.
Tyr: I offer not to pull your heart out through your eye socket and nail it to your forehead.
Beetle: That's very reasonable. How's noon tomorrow?
Harper: Just do it like we practiced.
Trance: When we practiced, we messed up.
Harper: Except that part.
Tyr: (about the Than and Chichin in negotiations) Would you like me to kill them for you?
Dylan: (weary) Yes. (Tyr moves toward the door) Wait I'm just kidding. I've got a better idea, next time I offer to broker peace talks between a Chichin gangster and a Than warlord, just kill me.
Tyr: Alright.
Dylan: Kidding. Again.
Beka: He's good, quick on the uptake, smart, completely fearless. He reminds me of…
Harper: You. He reminds you of you.
Beka: Then I know I can't trust him.
Dylan: There, everybody wins. That's what the Commonwealth always strives for.
Miskich: And what do I win?
Tyr: No one's blown you out of the sky.
Miskich: Ahh…
Rommie: Triagonal, prismatic, quartz crystal. Trace elements of vanadium, chormium, maganese, and cobalt. Eighty-two-point-two-five grams. I wonder how many of these fake Hearts are out there. I lost count at three.
Dylan: You never lose count of anything. I mean I assume you could tell the diffrence the whole time.
Rommie: Of course. Harper is sweet, but he still believes pretty much anything I tell him. (as if to Harper) Oh, I'm sorry. I may have a brain the size of a planet, but I can't tell the diffrence between one pretty rock and another.

[edit] "Pitiless as the Sun"

We are not the masks we wear. But if we don them, do we not become them?

Keops Tsumai, "Fortunes", CY 9683

Tyr: Am I mistaken, sir, or did you just grant complete strangers unlimited access to this ship?
Dylan: Why, yes, I did. That way, we can monitor them closely and see what they do with it. There's something not quite trustworthy about them, don't you think?
Tyr: Your occasional bouts of deviousness never fail to surprise me, Captain.
Harper: Oh, great! So now we can invite some new scary super villains to the "people who suck" party!
Andromeda: Funny, Tyr, I didn't know this was your battle station.
Tyr: Whoever told you that sarcasm was a desirable feature in a ship was sadly misinformed.
Dylan: The fact is, even in the old days, fully loaded, crewed and armed, the Andromeda was only an even match for a Pyrian torchship. In case anyone hasn’t noticed, we’re not fully loaded, armed, or crewed, and the Pyrians have had 3 centuries to improve their technology.
Beka: …Not the best pep talk you’ve ever given.
Dylan: Oh, you want a pep talk. Okay, uh, do your jobs, don’t screw up, and we’ll get out of this alive… Maybe.

[edit] "Last Call at the Broken Hammer"

Life? Life's pretty much a knife fight in a dirt-floored bar. And if they get you down, you best get back up.

Gunnery Sergeant Hywell Cy'rabia, CY 4681

Trance: Alcohol doesn't affect me the same way it does you.
Beka: Yeah, right, like that time on Diphda 5. Next, you'll tell me you've got a hollow leg.
Trance: No, but I know where to get one.
Trance: (to Hsigo) I know this may be a stretch for you, but think. You're twice as big as me, and you look pretty scary, but I'm still standing up to you, so either I'm crazy, or I am really, really dangerous. Would you like to guess which? … I didn't think so.
[an alien has been shot up by the entire bar]
Dylan: Damn.
Beka: Got that right.
Dylan: No, I wanted to use him.
Tyr: Well, as he is he would make an interesting conversation piece.

[edit] "All Too Human"

"Worlds governed by Artificial Intelligence often learned a hard lesson: Logic Doesn't Care."

Yin-Man Wei, "This Present Darkness: A History of the Interregnum", CY 11956

Beka: Ah, the Basilisk. Funny how no one ever names their planet-killer the "Fluffy Bunny".
Harper: Yeah, Rom-doll, sweet-talk him. Try appealing to his inner geek. And, if that doesn't work, unzip your, uh…
Rev: Harper!
Harper: What? I'm just sayin'… It would work on me.
Kim: Friends? That's crazy! AI's don't have any…
Rommie: Any what? Emotions? You'd be surprised.
Kim: I have a security clearance so high, I have to kill myself if I remember I have it – and I'm not allowed past the front gate.
Rommie: Likelihood of survival: Zero… Dammit. OK, time for some lateral thinking: How do I get the nice men with guns out of my way? Got it – make them run.
Rev: In some cultures, it is traditional for those who know they are about to die to express any regrets they may have accumulated in life.
Tyr: Perhaps you'd like to measure me for my coffin, too, Magog? You make my skin crawl! Get away from me!
Rommie: I gave you my best offer. You have 73 seconds to change my mind.
Carter: 73 seconds, huh? That sounds about right.
Tyr: Rescued by a swarmship?
Rev: You see? Not only is there the Divine, he has a twisted sense of humour.

[edit] "Una Salus Victus"

"Requested:
One Mark V ECM unit, 1000 km of
Fullerene cable, one low-yield nuclear warhead.

Purpose:
Surprise party for a foreign dignitary."


Argosy Special Operations
requisition form,
CY 9512

Tyr: You're right. This might have been easier had we been able to follow your plan.
Dylan: Damn! That was almost an apology!
Tyr: It was nothing of the sort.
Beka: The Eureka Maru, proudly saving your ass since AFC 291.
Eureka Maru: Warning – specified proximity exceeds safety margin.
Beka: Override safety protocols, authorization code: "Shut up and do what I tell you!"
Eureka Maru: Authorization accepted.
Harper: I've known Beka for nearly five years, OK? She's the only one I know still nuts enough to put up with me on a daily basis.
Tyr: I'd let God sort them out, but someone told me he was dead! (laughs)
Dylan: Yeah, that Nietzsche - what a comedian!
Harper: Yeah, well, I don't feel very lucky. In fact, I feel like a big old can of unluck that's just about to open up on someone.
Parvati Quechua: You're not so bad, as far as kludges go. I have to admit, I like you – I really do.
Beka: Enough not to kill me?
Quechua: Well, no, but I promise to feel bad about it after.
Harper: On my mark – attack pattern Last Act of Freakin' Defiance!
Cuchulain: Until now, all I cared about was Tyr, and what he stole from us. Now I care very much about you.
Dylan: Well, you see, that's what the universe needs more of – people caring for each other. Have a good trip out.

[edit] "Home Fires"

With their miniscule families, humans are often forced to rely on a "state" or "nation" for support. Pity them.

- Than-thre-kull Anthropology Text, approx. CY 7956

Harper: Look, Dylan, if you think Aquaman and the Silver Surfer here are going to help you stop the Magog, you may as well baste yourself with steak sauce now and avoid the rush. (The others look confused.) Aquaman? Silver Surfer? Did you people even go to school? No classical education whatsoever!
Harper: Yeah, sure, that explains everything. No chance that they've been left alone because they're a bunch of cannibals, or killer robots, or…
Trance: Harper!
Harper: What? You're gonna say I'm wrong? C'mon, every single High Guard remnant we've encountered has been psychotic, evil, or both… Present company excluded, of course.
Dylan: Of course.
Tyr: You should never trust any Nietzschean… except me.
Rommie: You know what I really want?
Tyr: An avatar unencumbered by cleavage?
Rommie: A real crew. I used to have 800 Lancers stationed on me.
Beka: Magog scampering? That's too easy.
Harper: Hey, I like gift horses!
Gaheris Rhade: About this "Best Man" job…
Dylan: Uh… yes?
Rhade: Does it always involve drunken bachelor parties and half-naked dancing girls?
Dylan: Pretty much, yeah.
Rhade: In that case, I accept.

[edit] "Into the Labyrinth"

"To a god, a wall is but a line on a page. We are all naked, seen beyond seeing."

Wayfinder Hasturi, aka "The Mad Perseid", 217 AFC

Harper: God hates me.
Trance: Don't take it personally.
Charlemagne Bolivar: There are at least three good reasons you shouldn't let the Sabra-Jaguar Pride join your new Commonwealth: We are renowned for our treachery; we are at war with the Drago-Kazov Pride; and we will constantly remind you of your genetic inferiority. Now, here's the upside: We are renowned for our treachery; we are at war with the Drago-Kazov Pride; and, did I mention, we command the third-largest fleet in the known worlds.
Dylan: And, in the case of an emergency, the ship can be piloted from the gunnery nose.
Charlemagne: Emergency? You mean in the event that the Command Deck crew is reduced to a fine red mist and splattered across the walls in a bloody mural?
Dylan: That would qualify, yes.
Höhne: Fascinating! And do such emergencies happen with a degree of frequency, or are they a rare occurance?
Tyr: What would you like, Jaguar?
Charlemagne: The usual: Hundreds of grandchildren, utter domination of known space, and the pleasure of hearing that all my enemies have died in terrible, highly improbable accidents that cannot be connected to me. And you?
Tyr: [laughing] The usual.
Dylan: So you're saying the Castalians won't budge at all on this.
Beka: I could say that talks with the fish people are floundering, but that would be wrong.
Trance: Y'know, since we've got a little bit of time here, we might as well find a good way to spend it. I know! I've got this really great game. It's called "Harper tells Trance everything, so she can save his miserable life." Would you like to play?
Harper: I hate you.
Trance: You're just saying that.
Trance: Harper, you are my best friend, and because you are my friend, I really need you to listen to me: Do… not… look… at… the archive.
Harper: Y'know, Trance, I liked it better when I thought you were harmless.
Trance: Yeah, me too.
Harper: OK, my little Magog buddies: All good things must come to an end, and, unfortunately, for the bad things, it's pretty much the same deal.
Harper: I'm nobody's pawn. I don't even like chess!

[edit] "The Prince"

Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Which is a problem.
If you are powerless.

- Drago Musevini, "Manifesto", CY 8433

Dylan: This is Captain Dylan Hunt of the Andromeda Ascendant.
[gunfire]
Tyr: Apparently, they've heard of you.
Tyr: I haven't a thing against tyrants per se, but tyrants who lose?
Tyr: My prince, if you rely on people to play by the rules, your reign will be sad, violent, and short.
Erik: Our entire defense fleet…
Dylan: Rommie, how long would it take for you to destroy that fleet?
Rommie: 6.2 seconds.
Dylan: That long?
Dylan: A Glorious Heritage class cruiser – like the Andromeda – could completely depopulate a world – like Ne'Holland – in under two minutes. More tea?
[Rommie uses planitary warfare pods to kill snipers]
Erik: You are just like Tyr !
Rommie: No , I'm better .

[edit] "Bunker Hill"

This is the price of freedom: Your every drop of courage, ounce of pain, pint of blood. Paid in advance.

- Sebastian Lee, "The Rising Tide", AFC 271

Beka: (referring to Elssbett) She didn't salute! Shouldn't she salute?
Dylan: Well, I'm thinking that maybe she went to the Beka Valentine School of Military Discipline.
Harper: Great, "Start the revolution without me!" Anything else I can do for you? Transmute the elements? Reverse entropy? Make you a sandwich?
Tyr: It will take a great deal more than a whispered promise to extract from me any more information than I have provided already. However, [whispers] you are oh so very welcome to try.
Harper: But Dylan always keeps his promises!
Tyr: Dylan has made a great many promises, and he only has one ship.
Beka: Uh, Dylan, now would be the time for one of those crazy, desperate, this-just-might-work ideas.
Dylan: Oh, I've got one, I was just hoping I wouldn't have to use it.
Beka: Note to self: Don't screw up.

[edit] "Ouroboros"

Spiral, spin, ride the whirlwind.
Knowing when the drumming stops,
There'll be no second dance.

- Ulatempa Poetess, "Rhythms",

Rommie: Harper, are you sure this is wise? You barely understand this technology. If it doesn't work…
Harper: I know, I know… It'll twist me into an abstract painting. [poses] "Harper, Descending Staircase"
Harper: All right, all right, look, the two of you – at least pretend you're not having so much fun, OK? Remember, my live is hangin' by a thread here.
Rekeeb: … An Alice string. [He and Höhne giggle]
Harper: Exactly what I'm talking about – science jokes!
Beka: Umm… I'm… sensing freakiness.
Tyr: All right, we need a plan. [to Höhne] You! Come up with one! Now!
Harper: I don't believe in destiny. I don't even believe in density, except in the heads of Perseids – it's a compliment – I believe in Seamus Zelazny Harper. I cogito, therefore I sum, and I sum to cogito that damn machine right out of existence. Capice?
Rekeeb: Your human tendency towards violence…
Harper: …pales in comparison to my human tendency not to give up!
Beka: Trance! You will never guess who I just met!
Trance: A scary futuristic version of yourself? She went that way.

[edit] "Lava and Rockets"

You can't outrun Death forever,
But you can make the bastard work for it.

- Major Korgo Korgar, "Last of the Lancers", AFC 32

Beka: Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.
Rommie: Ooh, that explains your wardrobe!
Beka: Don't even start with me. I've seen what's in your closet.
Rommie: I would like just one day where I can build missiles and tweak fire control in peace.
Beka: We definitely need to find you a hobby.
Rommie: That is my hobby!
Ferahr: It wasn't me, I swear!
Dylan: It wasn't you who did what?
Ferahr: What do you mean?
Dylan: I haven't even told you why I'm angry!
Ferahr: Then why…?
Dylan: Ogami mercenaries. Big, mean, and ugly. Who sent them?
Ferahr: Uh… lemme think… uh, I know… It wasn't me, I swear!
Rommie: I can pick up galvanic skin responses and respiration changes. I can also analyze pupil dilations in real time, which makes me a walking lie detector. So, tell me the truth, or I'll turn the bones of your hand into calcified gelatin.
Ferahr: Absolutely! Absolutely!
Rommie: What do you know? He's not lying.
Molly: I haven't lost any [passengers] yet.
Dylan: I thought I was your first customer.
Molly: Good point.
Molly: Have you got a Plan B?
Dylan: I always have a Plan B… come to think of it, you were Plan B.
Ferahr: Im not lying!
Tyr: And I'm the reincarnation of Drago Museveni.
Ferahr: With that hair?

[edit] "Be All My Sins Remembered"

I trust fast poison
The stars to wink out
And you, my love - and you.

- Lyric from "The Void", by Minstrel d'Becevex, CY 7956

Tyr: This warship – her capabilities – it makes us complacent. We may have to engage the enemy using nothing but our teeth and nails. (Beka bites him.) Ow!
Dylan: [on screen] Tyr, you've got command. I know you'll display the appropriate sensitivity and diplomacy in dealing with the Chichin. [Tyr hangs up, and Rommie re-opens the channel] And, Tyr – don't break my ship.
Harper: You flew us into a minefield?
Beka: Well, it wasn't supposed to be there, was it? So, mea very culpa.
Harper: [the Maru shakes] Is that normal?
Beka: Missile to the aft cargo pot, by the feel of it. What's the matter, no one ever shoot at you before?
Harper: Yeah, but I've never been shot in the aft.
Beka: Did you do it? Is it going to work?
Harper: Is my name Seamus Zelazny Harper?
Beka: God, I hope not!
Beka: I don't "do causes," Bobby.
Bobby: No, Beka, everyone "does causes." The only question is: Will you pick yours, or will it pick you?
Rommie: Perhaps you would prefer that I de-materialize Dylan's body from the Maru and magically re-materialize it here, on Command?

[edit] "Dance of the Mayflies"

Blink and it's gone
A moment, a breath
A Dance of the Mayflies
Just enough... For a lifetime.

- Ulatempa Poetess, "Rhythms", CY 9825

Harper: Oh, boy, unseen enemy. There's nothing worse… unless it's an angry unseen enemy.
Dylan: Until Rommie and Trance figure out how these bio-weapons spread, I want you out of harm's way.
Harper: All right, I know that used to be my favourite place, but…
Dylan: No "buts", go!
Harper: Yes, sir. Bravely running away, sir.
Harper: Sensors – trashed. AP circuits – trashed. EM lens – trashed. Rommie, it's a good thing I love trashy ladies, or I'd be tempted to trade you in for a new model. Maybe a supermodel!
Andromeda: [hologram] Dylan, I'm not reading any pulses or brainwaves from the corpses of the plague victims, and their bodies register at room temperature.
Tyr: Well, that would make sense – they're corpses.
Andromeda: [on-screen] Yes. The trouble is, they're walking around the ship trying to kill you!
Tyr: [to Dylan] You're surprised? That's what you get for incessantly trying to help!
Dylan: Trance, are you dead or alive?
Trance: Yes.
Dylan: Crystal clear, as usual.

[edit] "In Heaven Now Are Three"

The true quarry of any great adventurer is the undiscovered territory of their own soul.

Lady Aenea Makros, "The Metaphysics of Motion", CY 6416

Trance: She can't tell you.
Beka: Why? Why can't I tell him?
Trance: Because if you tell him, Tyr will die.
Tyr: Then, by all means, leave me in suspense.
Dylan: The Engine of Creation is a myth. It's like the Holy Grail of ancient Earth, or the Wyvern's Hoards of Gehenna Mortis.
Beka: Or a restored Commonwealth.
Dylan: [laughs, insincerely] That's not funny.
Beka: He never came back.
Dylan: But you have a different plan?
Beka: My plan is to come back.
Dylan: That's a good plan.
Dylan: It's my military upbringing: Strictly by the book. Sometimes, it's my own private book, of course.
Dylan: They're not butchers, just very strange lovers.
Beka: Yeah, he's totally controlling, and she's this sexy, shoot-from-the-hip kinda gal. What could they possibly have in common?
Dylan: Well, Harper always says that opposites attract.
Beka: That's just his excuse to meet women. Everyone's the opposite of Harper.
Trance: It's cyanide.
Dylan: That stuff's not good for you.
Beka: I can't manipulate you like I can manipulate Tyr.
Dylan: Yeah, well, I think Tyr might have something to say about that.

[edit] "The Things We Cannot Change"

Home is the sailor, home from the sea
And the hunter home from the hill

- Fragment of Ancient Earth Text, c. CY 6800

Tyr: It's like scanning mud.
Rommie: No, it's not – mud I can see through, gamma radiation I can't.
Tyr: Unfortunately, I don't always share the little professor's unswerving confidence in his own engineering ability.
Beka: [to Tyr] So, all these dangerous, macho things you do – it's to impress the chicks?
Harper: We played hide and go teleport with one of Trance's fish in hydroponics.
Beka: And?
Trance: Tuna tartare.
Beka: If you're doing all this to impress the chicks, Tyr (kisses his faceplate) – I'm impressed!

[edit] "Fair Unknown"

To venture in the fair unknown
I must enter as I leave:
A traveller, alone.

-- Anonymous, CY 1917

Harper: These hands have been touched by God – not to mention a few other things.
Beka: Trust you to find the cloud around the silver lining. It's called "faith", Tyr – have some.
Dylan: How long has the Vedran been here?
Maia: Since the fall.
Trance: The Fall of the Commonwealth?
Maia: Since the autumn, nine months ago.
Tyr: You could have told me.
Beka: What, and ruin the surprise?
Tyr: You're picking up some very unamusing habits from Dylan, do you know that?
Beka: We sure stirred up the hornets' nest this time.
Tyr: True, but now there are fewer hornets.
Harper: Look, betting my life savings on a game of Yesheedono is a chance I'm willing to take – except against Trance. However, accidentally setting off a nova bomb … isn't.

[edit] "Belly of the Beast"

Beneath knowing, understanding
Beneath understanding, seeing
Beneath seeing, recognizing
Beneath recognizing, knowing

-- Keeper of the Way, Vision of Faith, CY 10003

Dylan: How do we get people to stop believing in a myth they've believed in for centuries?
Trance: By getting them to believe in that other myth.
Dylan: What's that?
Trance: The one about the High Guard captain flying around the universe, making allies, restoring the Commonwealth.
Dylan: Oh, I don't think they'll ever believe in that one.
Dylan: Anyone can have their cake, and then eat it. The real trick is eating your cake, and still having it. It's a common mistake.
Trance: We did. You could even say we had our cake outside of the box and ate it too.
Tyr: I have faith in nothing but this: when the Universe collapses and dies, there will be three survivors. Tyr Anasazi, the cockroaches, and Dylan Hunt - trying to save the cockroaches.
Tyr: I once told Dylan that his mission to restore the Commonwealth is nothing more than an excuse to shape the Universe according to his will. It is. But, in the past two years, for reasons I cannot begin to understand, perhaps I have come to... prefer that shape?
Harper: Right now, your sensors say a lot of things, but they're blinded and confused – like a lot of my dates.
Tyr: We know – Your willingness to defy the universal odds is a disease that, apparently, we have all contracted.
Trance: Are we still out