Angel (TV series)

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Angel (1999–2004) was created by Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. See the discussion page for suggested formatting and inclusion guidelines.

Contents[edit]

Season 1 Season 2 Season 3 Season 4 Season 5
City of Judgment Heartthrob Deep Down Conviction
Lonely Hearts Are You Now or Have You Ever Been That Vision Thing Ground State Just Rewards
In the Dark 1st Impressions That Old Gang of Mine The House Always Wins Unleashed
I Fall to Pieces Untouched Carpe Noctem Slouching Toward Bethlehem Hell Bound
Rm w/a Vu Dear Boy Fredless Supersymmetry Life of the Party
Sense & Sensitivity Guise Will Be Guise Billy Spin the Bottle C Tale of # 5
Bachelor Party Darla Offspring Apocalypse, Nowish Lineage
I Will Remember You Shroud of Rahmon Quickening Habeas Corpses Destiny
Hero The Trial Lullaby Long Day's Journey Harm's Way
Parting Gifts Reunion Dad Awakening Soul Purpose
Somnabulist Redefinition Birthday Soulless Damage
Expecting Blood Money Provider Calvary You're Welcome
She Happy Anniversary Waiting in the Wings Salvage Why We Fight
I've Got You Under My Skin The Thin Dead Line Couplet Release Smile Time
The Prodigal Reprise Loyalty Orpheus A Hole in the World
The Ring Epiphany Sleep Tight Players Shells
Eternity Disharmony Forgiving Inside Out Underneath
Five by Five Dead End Double or Nothing Shiny Happy People Origin
Sanctuary Belonging The Price The Magic Bullet Time Bomb
War Zone Over the Rainbow A New World Sacrifice The Girl in Question
Blind Date Through the Looking Glass Benediction Peace Out Power Play
To Shanshu in LA There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb Tomorrow Home Not Fade Away
See also External links

Season 1[edit]

City of[edit]

Doyle: (On Angel's home) Well I like the place. Not much with the view, but it has a certain Batcave air to it.

Doyle: Let me tell you a little bedtime story.
Angel: But I'm not sleepy.
Doyle: Once upon a time, there was a vampire. And he was the meanest vampire in all the land. I mean, other vampires were afraid of him he was such a bastard. Then, one day, he's cursed, by gypsies. They restore his human soul and suddenly he's mad with guilt. You know "What have I done..." You know, he's freaked.
Angel: Okay. Now I'm sleepy.
Doyle: Yeah well, it's a fairly dull tale. It needs a bit of sex, is my feeling. So sure enough, enters a girl. Pretty little blonde thing. Vampire slayer by trade. And our vampire falls madly in love with her. But eventually the two of them, well, they get fleshy with one another. And the moment he- well, I guess the technical term is "Perfect Happiness". But when our boy gets there, he goes bad he kills again. It's ugly. So when he gets his soul back for the second time, he figures hey he can't be anywhere near young Miss Puppy-Eyes without endangering them both. So what does he do? He takes off, goes to L.A, to fight evil and atone for his crimes. He's a shadow, a faceless champion of the hapless human race. Say, you wouldn't have a beer of any kind here, would you?

Doyle: It's about showing people there's still love and hope in the world.
Homeless Woman: Spare change?
Doyle: Get a job, you lazy sow.

[Angel bumps into Sunnydale acquaintance Cordelia at a Hollywood party.]
Cordelia: So, um, are you still... 'Grrr'?
Angel: Yeah. There's not actually a cure for that.

[An offer of help from a wealthy admirer has moved Cordelia to tears.]
Cordelia: Oh, God, I'm sorry! I'm getting all weepy in front of you. I probably look really scary. I finally get invited to a nice place... with no mirrors, and... lots of curtains... Hey! You're a vampire!
Russell Winters: What? No, I'm not.
Cordelia: Are too!
Russell: I don't know what you're talking about.
Cordelia: I'm from Sunnydale — we had our own Hellmouth! I think I know a vampire when I... am... alone with him... in his fortress-like home. And, you know? I think I'm just feeling a little light-headed from hunger. I'm just wacky! And kidding!! Ha, ha!...
Russell: Truth is, I'm glad you know. It means we can skip the formalities.

Russell: We do things a certain way in LA. I keep my name out of the paper and I don't make waves. And in return I can do anything I want.
[Angel puts his foot on Russell's chair and whispers]
Angel:Can you fly? (proceeds to kick Russell out the window. Russell becomes dust. Angel turns and walks away, slipping Lindsey's business card in Lindsey's pocket) Guess not.

Lonely Hearts[edit]

Doyle: They're messages I get... you know, from the higher powers, whoever they may be. You know ... it's my gift!
Cordelia: If that was my gift, I'd return it. I mean, you get those headaches, and you do this 'bleh' thing with your face.
Doyle: [grimacing] What thing with my face?
Cordelia: Plus, your visions are kind of lame. A bar? That's nice and vague. I mean, they should send you one of those self-destructing tapes, you know? That comes with a dossier?

Cordelia: I'm an actress, a student of the human animal. I don't need to talk to people to know their story. [scans and points] Jazz-hands over there? Mama's boy. Peter Pan complex. [points again] Self-absorbed closet-deb, with a big 'the world owes me' chip on her shoulder. [points at Sharon leading Kevin up the stairs] And check out 'Sarah, Plain and Tall.' Has, or comes from, big money.
Doyle: How do you know all that?
Cordelia: Well, you've got to be rich to snag the Calvin Klein model she's leaving with.
Doyle: Yeah, well, they're all riveting insights and such, but we need to find someone that's in trouble?

Angel: So what are you looking for?
Kate: Me? I guess it depends on how many daiquiris I've had. Wow, way to come off as a drunken slut.

[Doyle finds a bra in Cordelia's messy living room and holds it up.]
Cordelia: Oh, that is so high school. "Ooh-ooh! Cordelia wears bras! She has girl parts!"

Angel: I know you guys have been working hard. I mean, you've been cooped up inside a lot. And to show my appreciation, I was thinking, the night being... you know... young and all, that the three of us could, well... should... you know... maybe, go out... ... you know... ... ... for fun.
Cordelia: Or we can go home.
Doyle: And you can sit in the dark alone.
Angel: God yes. Thank you.

In the Dark[edit]

[Angel has just saved Rachel from a violently abusive boyfriend, while Spike watches — and narrates — from the rooftop.]
Spike [as Rachel, falsetto]: How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-clad, hunk of a night thing?
Spike [as Angel, basso]: No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. [Rachel sways closer to Angel; he steps back, warding her off with his hands.] No, not the hair! Never the hair!
Spike [as Rachel]: But there must be some way I can show my appreciation.
Spike [as Angel]: No, helping those in need's my job. And working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough!
Spike [as Rachel]: I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so...
Spike [as Angel]: Ah. Say no more. Evil's still afoot ... and I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair gel that I like so much. Quickly! To the Angelmobile — AWAY! [Rachel and Angel leave. Spike lights a cigarette.]
Spike [as Spike]: Go on, Liam. Play the big, strapping hero while you can. You have a few surprises coming your way—the Ring of Amarra, a visit from your old pal Spike, and—oh, yeah—your gruesome, horrible death.

Angel: You might as well go home, Spike. The Gem of Amarra stays with me.
Spike: Why? Because you're 'Angel, Vamp Detective' now? I'm so scared. What's next? Vampire Cowboy? Vampire Fireman? Oh, Vampire Ballerina!
Angel: I do like to work with my legs.

Doyle: I'm still going to go celebrate with a drink down in the pub.
Cordelia: He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down in the pub.

[Doyle is suffering from a severe hangover.]
Doyle: Oh, God... You know what would feel really good right now? One of those mind-numbing, head-cracking visions that I get from time to time... because that would really kill me. What, is there some trick to this?
Cordelia: [takes the aspirin bottle away from Doyle and dispenses three tablets] I think the 'trick' is laying off the ale before you start quoting Angela's Ashes and weeping like a baby-man.
Doyle: Hey, that's a good book.
Cordelia: So I've heard. But I doubt very much that the main characters are Betty and Barney Rubble, as you so vehemently insisted last night. Also? I don't think Oz appreciated being called "my little Bamm-Bamm" all night.

Spike: It's called Addiction, Angel. We all have them. I believe yours is called Slutty the Vampire Slayer.

I Fall to Pieces[edit]

Angel: Am I intimidating? I mean, do I put people off?
Cordelia: Well, as vampires go, you're pretty cuddly. Maybe you might want to think about mixing up the black-on-black a little, though.

Kate: Wolfram & Hart. They're the law firm that Johnnie Cochran is too ethical to join.

Cordelia: I know Angel's been working day and night to help people fight their personal demons, but I need a raise.
Doyle: A raise? You've been working for him for, what, like, twenty minutes?
Cordelia: A month. And I have needs.
Doyle: Needs.
Cordelia: A person, needs certain... designer... things.

[Cordelia and Doyle are waiting to ask Angel (again) to charge for their cases.]
Cordelia: We have to stand up to him.
Doyle: Yeah, we're standing up. [They stand up.]
Cordelia: We'll just wait until he has his coffee. [Angel enters.]
Angel: Good morning.
Cordelia: Morning.
Doyle: Morning. [Angel pours himself a cup of coffee, sips, and makes a disgusted face.]
Angel: Ehhh. What is this?
Cordelia: Last week's coffee. Think of it as espresso.
Angel: [supresses gag] I think my esophagus is melting.

Cordelia: [to Doyle] You're a lot smarter than you look. Of course, you look like a retard.

Rm w/a Vu[edit]

[Cordelia has been bemoaning her miserable life.]
Doyle: Well, I don't know if I can help with the acting, but about the apartment?
Cordelia: What?
Doyle: If you ever wanna, you know, spend one night away from the place? Maybe give me a call.
Cordelia: Well, stranger things have happened. No, wait—they really haven't. [Cordelia leaves and Doyle sits down in Angel's office.]
Doyle: She's really something, isn't she? It's like wrestling a tiger just to get to know her. Tell me stuff.
Angel: What stuff?
Doyle: About Cordelia.
Angel: Well, I... I know she can't type or file. Until today I had some hope regarding the phone.
Doyle: Who's Aura?
Angel: I think she's one of Cordelia's group. People called them the Cordettes. Bunch of girls from wealthy families. They ruled the high school, decided what was in, who was popular. It was like the Soviet Secret Police, if they cared a lot about shoes.

[Still dripping, Angel juggles a stack of Cordelia's luggage.]
Cordelia: Get this. I tried to call Doyle—I have sunk that low—and there was no answer. So here I am. Not that you were the last resort, it's just that I had nowhere else left to go. Roaches! Live ones, dead ones, all skinny feet and creepy antlers.
Angel: Antlers?
Cordelia: Oh my God, I wonder how many stowed away in that bag! Also? The water is all brown and spurty and not hot! I am dying for a shower. I actually smell. Smell me. I never smell. I didn't know I could. I'm just going to have to stay here until I find a decent place—however long that takes. And when I do, you're completely invited over. Hey, you can just dump my stuff on your couch. Or let me have the bed... whatever you feel good about. Also, my suitcase is still out in the hall.

[Doyle is horrified to find Cordelia staying over at Angel's place.]
Doyle: No... no-no-no-no! Angel, man, how could you?
Angel: How could I what?
Doyle: You knew I was crazy about her—and I was wearing her down, too. But no—handsome, brooding, vampire guy has to swoop in, all sensitive mouth and overhanging forehead! How about leaving some scraps for the homely-looking fellas who don't turn evil when they get some?
Angel: Cordelia stayed over because there's something wrong with her place. I was on the sofa.
Doyle: Oh. That's okay, I suppose.

Cordelia: [looking at apartment] Oh, my gosh. Have you ever seen anything so beautiful?
Doyle: [looking at Cordelia] Nope. Never.

[Kate checks police archives for past murders in Cordelia's apartment.]
Kate: Now you’re talking like a detective.
Angel: I am a detective.
Kate: Well, you see, the thing about detectives is, they have résumés. And business licenses. And last names. Pop stars and popes — those are the one-name guys.
Angel: You got me. I’m a pope.


Sense & Sensitivity[edit]

[Angel has just finished off a tentacled monstrosity in the sewer.]
Angel: Make sure you cut off all the limbs and both heads this time. Remember to bury the parts separately. [tosses sword to Doyle] I don't want this thing coming back to life again.
Cordelia: That's it?
Angel: I'm gonna go clean out the nest. I'll see you back at the office. [he leaves]
Cordelia: Okay, am I wrong in thinking that a "please" and "thank you" is generally considered good form when requesting a dismemberment?
Doyle: He appreciates us, in his own... unappreciative way.

Doyle: So, you were right. Papazian's planning something.
Angel: What'd ya hear?
Doyle: Papazian's planning something.
Angel: That's it?
Doyle: Johnny Red says, quote, 'Papazian's planning something.'
Angel: Huh. I thought he might be planning something.
Doyle: See? You were right.

Kate: Boy, I'm scared. And excited. And consumed with dread. And glad you're here.
Angel: I doubt even one of Little Tony's hired guns would try something in a roomful of cops.
Kate: What? Oh, that death-threat hanging overhead. No, I meant speaking in public. [starts across room toward her father]
Angel: What's that old saw? Picture your audience in their underwear?
Kate: [distractedly looks Angel up and down] Way ahead of you. [Angel catches up just as Kate stops in front of her father and kisses his cheek.] Happy retirement, Daddy.
Trevor: Who's this?
Kate: This is Angel, he's a friend. Angel, this is my father.
Angel: Hello, Mr. Lockley. [they shake] Congratulations.
Trevor: For what? All I did was live this long and not get shot.
Kate: Why do you do that?
Trevor: Do what?
Kate: Pretend important things don't matter.
Trevor: [eyes on Kate] So. Angel. [looks at Angel] How long you been seeing Katie?
Angel: We're, ahh, we're pretty new friends.
Trevor: Well, good to see her out with a man. I was starting to wonder if she didn't lean in another direction altogether.

Doyle: Angel, man. You've gotta snap out of this!
Cordy: Right now. It's time for you to get all vampy. Grrrr. Kate needs you.
Angel: Uh uh, I don't want to. You both withdraw when I go vamp. I feel you judge me.
Cordy: We won't judge you! Will we? [Doyle concurs] ... Give it a try.
Angel: [shakes head] Closeness is too important to me now.

[Angel, Cordelia and Doyle have just broken in to a back room at the precinct. Angel climbs down and turns to look at the broken window.]
Angel: Wow. That's vandalism.
Doyle: It's okay. We'll take care of it later.
Angel: We should leave a note.
Cordelia: Come on.
Angel: What's the magic word?
Cordelia: Urgh!
Angel: I don't think 'urgh' is a magic word, if one could call it a word, and certainly not a magic one.
Cordelia: We don't have time for this.
Angel: There's always time to be considerate of others, Cordelia.
Cordelia: Oh, please.
Angel: [smiles] There. That wasn't so hard now was it?

Angel:[to Papazian] You can be a rainbow [hits him] and not a "painbow"!

Bachelor Party[edit]

[Doyle just barely manages to slay the vampire menacing Cordelia.]
Doyle: Are you okay?
Cordelia: I'm fine. That was... you were so... brave!
Doyle: You think you could say that again without so much shock in your voice? You're stepping on my moment of manliness here.
Cordelia: I'm sorry. I'm... just...
Doyle: Surprised?
Cordelia: ...Grateful.

Cordelia: So, here I am at Le Petit Renard with Mr. Armani, who could keep me in blue boxes for the rest of my life.
Angel: Blue boxes.
Cordelia: Tiffany's! God! And the whole night I was bored silly. All I could think about was, if this wimp saw a monster, he'd probably throw a shoe at it and run like a weasel. Turns out, the shoe part was giving him too much credit.
Angel: There aren't very many people who wouldn't run. It's just human nature.
Cordelia: Yeah. ... But all of a sudden "rich and handsome" isn't good enough for me. Now I expect a guy to be all brave and interesting. And it's your fault. Both of you.
Angel: Well, maybe not. Maybe you're changing. That could be a good thing.
Cordelia: Or disastrous. As if I wasn't confused enough, then Doyle comes along and rescues me like some... badly dressed superhero. [Angel supresses smile] He was really beat up. But you know the first thing he asked? 'Are you okay.' [Angel smiles] I mean, that's, like, substance. Right?
Angel: Well, there's definitely more to Doyle than meets the eye.
Cordelia: So I've gotta kill myself. [Angel stops smiling] I swore, when I went down this road with Xander Harris, I'd rather be dead than date a fixer-upper again.... Still, maybe you're right. Maybe Doyle does have hidden depths. I mean, really, really hidden. But depths! And I kinda have to buy him a mochaccino for saving my life, don't you think?
Angel: Well, I...
Cordelia: Me,too. We'll be back in a half, you watch the phones, okay?

Harrie: I am only going to ask you this once, Richard. And I expect a straight answer. Were you, or were you not, intending to eat my ex-husband's brains?
Richard: In a way.
Harrie: And when were you planning on telling me?
Richard: I thought maybe I wouldn't have to.
Harrie: You were going to start our life out together with deceit?
Doyle: [to Angel] Sorta missing the point, isn't she?

Harrie: Oh, please, Uncle John. When was the last time you pried yourself away from ESPN long enough to spill the blood of a she-goat?

[A deeply depressed Doyle sits alone in the outer office.]
Cordelia: Well, someone has to go out there and cheer him up. [Angel reluctantly stands] Oh, please. Someone with a heartbeat? [walks over to sofa] Hi, Doyle! Are you gonna become loser pining guy, like, full time now? 'Cause, you know, we already have one of those around the office.
Angel: Hey!
Doyle: Hey!
Cordelia: He can get away with it. He's tall, and... and look at the way clothes hang on him! But you...
Angel: Okay, I think you've cheered us up enough.
Cordelia: You can't live in the past. You gotta move on. Let it go. Forget it. Tomorrow is another day. Did I mention letting it go?
Doyle: Twice.
Cordelia: [sits beside Doyle] You're gonna get through this, Doyle. Nice guys don't always finish last.
Doyle: ...You think I'm a nice guy?
Cordelia: I think it, I say it. It's my way.

I Will Remember You[edit]

[Buffy visits Angel.]
Doyle: So, that's the Slayer.
Cordelia: That's our little Buffy.
Doyle: Well, she seemed a little...
Cordelia: Bulgarian in that outfit?
Doyle: Naw, I was gonna say 'hurt'.
Cordelia: Yeah, there's a lot of that when they're together. Come on.
Doyle: Where are we going?
Cordelia: They'll be at this for a while. We still have time for a cappuccino and probably the director's cut of the Titanic.

[While Angel and Buffy are fighting a demon in Angel's office, Cordelia and Doyle think that the two are fighting each other.]
Cordelia: Oh, this is pretty normal. Angel and Buffy talk things out and then they punch things out.

Cordelia: Oh my god.
Doyle: What?
Cordelia: [picks up a handful of dust] She killed him! [silence] Oops. My bad. It's just dust I forgot to sweep under the rug.
Doyle: What are you, trying to give me a heart attack?
Cordelia: Hey! Don't blame me if he's too cheap to hire a cleaning lady! [Angel enters the office, looking dazed] What's wrong? What happened? Did you do it with Buffy? [Doyle approaches Angel] Watch it, Doyle, don't get too close. Hey! You walked in the front door, from the street! You've -
Angel: Yeah.
Cordelia: - got an umbrella!

[The Oracle accepts Angel's impromptu "gift," telekinetically transporting his wristwatch to her palm.]
Oracle f: I like time! There's so little and so much of it.

Cordelia: [to Doyle] Let me explain the lore here, okay? They suffer, they fight—that's business as usual. They get groiny with one another—the world as we know it falls apart.

[Buffy has issues with Angel's take-it-slow approach to his newly restored humanity.]
Buffy: You know, it's a good thing I didn't fantasize about you turning human only about ten zillion times... because today would have been a real let-down.

[Doyle and Cordelia contemplate life without Angel's mission.]
Doyle: I'll finally be free to go out and make me own mark in the world.
Cordelia: We had a cat that used to do that. Oh, God! What am I gonna do? I'm good for exactly two things: international superstardom, and helping a vampire with a soul to rid the world of evil. That makes for a short but colorful résumé.

Hero[edit]

[Cordelia strong-arms Doyle into reading for her commercial.]
Doyle: 'If you need help, then look no further. Angel Investigations is the best. Our rats are low...'
Cordelia: 'Rates'!
Doyle: It says 'rats'... '...Our rates are low, but our standards are high. When the chips are down, and you're at the end of your rope, you need someone that you can count on. And that's what you'll find here. Someone who'll go all the way, who'll protect you no matter what. So don't lose hope. Come on over to our offices, and you'll see that there's still heroes in this world.' ...Is that it? Am I done?

Doyle: One of us has been drinking, and I'm sorry to say it's not me.

Doyle: You were a real, live, flesh and blood human being ...and you and Buffy... ? You had the one thing you wanted in your naturally long life and you gave it back?
Angel: Maybe I was wrong.
Doyle: Maybe Cordelia was right, about you being the real deal in the hero department. See, I would have chosen the pleasures of the flesh over duty and honor any day of the week. I just don't have that strength.
Angel: You never know your strength until you're tested.
Doyle: Come on. You've lived and loved and lost and fought and vanquished inside a day, and I'm still trying to work up the nerve to ask Cordy out for dinner.

Doyle: Well, if it's a fight they want... can't someone else give it to them? [encouraged by his friend's first smile] It just seems so unfair. You've gotta save all the helpless types around here, now you've gotta fight the apocalypse as well?
Angel: [stands up] It's all the same thing. Fight the good fight, whichever way you can.
Doyle: Tell you what. You fight, and I'll keep score.

[Doyle returns from a dangerous task.]
Cordelia: You're alive!
Doyle: And you're not happy?
Cordelia: We were worried.
Doyle: Oh! Well, it's all gonna be okay n... [Cordelia slaps him] ...What was that for?
Cordelia: Why didn't you tell me you were half demon? I thought we agreed that secrets are bad!
Doyle: I wanted to tell you. I was afraid. I thought if I did, you'd reject me.
Cordelia: I rejected you way before now! So you're half demon! Big whoop!! I can't believe you'd think I'd care about that. I mean, I work for a vampire! Hel-lo?
Doyle: It's true. I just...
Cordelia: What do you think I am, superficial? I mean, you're half demon. That's so far down the list. Way under 'short.' And 'poor.' Is there anything else I should know?
Doyle: The half demon thing? Pretty much my big secret.
Cordelia: Good. That's out. It's done. Would you ask me out for dinner, already?

[Angel puts a hand on Doyle's shoulder. Doyle puts his hand on Angel's arm.]
Doyle: The good fight, yeah? You never know until you've been tested. I get that now.
[He hauls back and hits Angel with a hard right to the chin, knocking him down into the cargo hold. He turns to Cordelia and they kiss. There is a strange blue light between their lips just before they part.]
Doyle: Too bad we'll never know... [Morphs into his demons face]...if this is a face you could learn to love.
[Angel picks himself up of the floor of the cargo hold, runs over to the ladder and climbs back up.]
Angel: Doyle. Doyle. Doyle! Doyle! NO!
[Doyle jumps over to the beacon just before Angel reaches the platform. He grabs a hold of its metal frame, turns his head and smiles at Angel and Cordelia.]
Angel: No!
[Doyle morphs back to human and tries to pull the cable connection apart as the light gets brighter and starts to melt the skin off his face. Everybody watches spellbound as Doyle manages to pull the cable apart just before he burns up. The beacon goes dark. All the Lister demons stare at the fading beacon in shock. Cordelia starts crying and Angel pulls her into a hug, teary-eyed himself.]

Parting Gifts[edit]

[Angel interviews Barney in his office.]
Barney: You know, I just noticed it's 3:45 in the afternoon. If you're a vampire, why aren't you in your coffin?
Angel: Coffin. I hate that stereotype. You're a demon and you don't know anything about vampires?
Barney: Only what I learned from TV.
Angel: Vampires don't sleep in coffins. It's a misconception made popular by hack writers and ignorant media. [stands] In fact, you know, we can and do move around during the day, as long as we avoid direct sunlight. Got it?!
Barney: Gotten. Sorry. Didn't want to push any sore spots.

[Cordelia enters the office after her audition.]
Angel: Hi. [she doesn't answer and he looks at her more closely] Everything okay? [in one smooth motion, she puts down her bag, reaches for him and kisses him] Hmm. Hmp. Mmghmm! [he puts his hands on her shoulders, gingerly pushing to get her off, trying not to offend her] Okay, uh... Cordelia, that was, uh... I, I think that you're acting out of grief, and you're confusing our... friendship... for something more...
Cordelia: I didn't feel anything. Did you feel anything?
Angel: No! You see, that's what I'm trying...
Cordelia: Urgh! That means I still have it. Damn! I can't believe he did this to me.
Angel: Who did what?
Cordelia: Doyle! I thought our kiss meant something. Instead, he used that moment to pass it on to me. Why couldn’t it be mono or herpes?
Angel: [rubs his mouth] Cordelia...
Cordelia: I didn't ask for this responsibility, unlike some people, who shall remain lifeless. I don’t have anything to atone for. If they know what’s good for them, the PTB better just stay out of my head.
Angel: ...Powers That Be... you had a vision?!
Cordelia: Boy, howdy! And you know how they look painful? Well, they feel a whole lot worse.
Angel: [sits as understanding washes though him] "Another door opens." You’re my link to the Powers now.
Cordelia: I am nobody’s link to anybody. I lost control of my entire central nervous system getting that stupid vision. And I’m not certain, but I might have... drooled... a little in my audition, the first one I’ve had in weeks.
Angel: What was it?
Cordelia: Oh, uh, StainBeGone. It was a national, no less. They’ll probably never call me again...
Angel: [snapping fingers] The vision. What was the vision?
Cordelia: Oh, who cares? It was a thing.
Angel: A thing?
Cordelia: An ugly, grey, blobby, thing. What difference does it make?
Angel: The difference is, if you saw it in a vision, this could be an ugly, grey, blobby, dangerous thing.
Cordelia: I don’t care! I want it out of me. And if kissing is the only way to get rid of it, I will smooch every damn frog in this kingdom. [enter their current client, demon Barney, from the rest room, drying his hands]
Barney: Sorry, I thought I heard voices...
Angel: Uh, Barney, you remember my associate, Cor... [Cordelia kisses Barney] ...delia?
Cordelia: [rubs her mouth] Well, maybe not every frog.
Barney: Boy, I gotta say, I like the way you people treat your clients!

[Angel encounters Wesley, who tried to replace Giles as Buffy's Watcher.]
Wesley: Hello, Angel.
Angel: Wesley.
Wesley: I’ll wager you never thought you’d see me again.
Angel: To tell you the truth, I hadn’t given it much thought one way or the other. What are you...
Wesley: Hup-up-up! [Wesley points his crossbow at Angel's throat] I’m the one asking the questions here. And I think it only fair to warn you, any sudden movement and I’ll be forced to... [Angel casually knocks the crossbow from Wesley’s hands] Right. You had a question?

Wesley: I'm a rogue demon hunter now.
Cordelia: Wow. What's a rogue demon?

Cordelia: Feel this you feeling freako! [stabs Barney in the back with a demon horn, draining his life force and killing him]

[In the kitchen, Cordelia and Angel have just shared a moment of silence for Doyle. Angel goes back to scrambling eggs.]
Wesley: Well, I'll be off then. Farewell, Angel. Who knows when our paths will cross again.
Angel: Wesley. [they shake]
Cordelia: Do you even know where you're headed?
Wesley: Rogue demon hunters rarely do. Wherever evil lurks, wherever the forces of darkness threaten humanity, that's where I'll be. [Angel pours a glass of orange juice for Cordelia.]
Cordelia: Oh, okay. Well, keep in touch.
Wesley: Yes. Yes, I will. But now, the evil lurking everywhere bids me onwards! So... I go.
Cordelia: Take care!
Wesley: Yes. [sets foot on first stair, then leans back into hallway] No rest for the wicked fighters. Through storm and rain. Heat. Famine. Deep, painful, gnawing hunger... I go.
Angel: Breakfast?
Wesley: Ooh! [takes off coat] I suppose so!

Somnambulist[edit]

[to Angel, in the middle of talking about something else]
Cordelia: And wow, you look half dead. Which, for someone who's completely dead, would be kind of neat.

[Wesley has just shown Cordelia a news clipping about a murdered girl.]
Wesley: I think you'd better sit down. While executing my duties as Watcher in Sunnydale, I did extensive research, specifically on Angel, given his uncomfortable proximity to the Slayer.
Cordelia: He looked pretty comfortable to me.
Wesley: When I saw this story today, it rang chillingly familiar. So, I reacquainted myself with certain facts, confirming, I'm sorry to say, my grim suspicions. In the late 1700s, it was Angelus' custom to sign his victims by carving a Christian cross into their left cheek. He liked to let people know he'd been there.
Cordelia: Okay. You get to leave now. You're not going to come in here and accuse Angel like this.
Wesley: Cordelia...
Cordelia: No! I don't care how many files you have about all the horrible things he did back in the powdered-wig days! He is good now. And he is my friend, and nothing you or anyone else can say will make me turn on a friend!
Angel: Cordelia, he's right.
Cordelia: [to Wes] You stake him and I'll cut his head off.

Angel: I have no memory of doing any of these things.
Cordelia: Oh, not exactly the confidence-inspiring denial I was looking for.
Angel: I've been having dreams.
Wesley: Dreams?
Angel: Killing dreams. Always the same, I - I stalk them, toy with them, mark them while they're still alive. And before they can die from the fear I feed on them.
Cordelia: Okay, so you've been having nightmares. It doesn't mean you-
Angel: They're not nightmares. I've enjoyed them.
Cordelia: Oh...
Wesley: And you fear that these might be more than just dreams, that you're acting them out in some sort of hypnagogic state.
Cordelia: Hypnawugic?
Wesley: Sleepwalking.

Wesley: You've got to make it tight.
Cordelia: Aghh, like I need instructions from you. My glamorous L.A. life—I get to make the coffee and chain the boss to the bed! I gotta join a union.
Angel: Cordelia, I, I think that's tight enough.
Cordelia: And if it turns out that we're back on the liquid lunch? Better safe than cocktails.

Kate: You're telling me children's stories.
Angel: I'm telling you the truth.
Kate: No. I don't believe you.
Angel: I know you don't. Even after what you saw, you won't let yourself. Which is why you'll lose.
Kate: I've heard enough.
Angel: No, you haven't heard a word. [Angel grips Kate's cross pendant in his fist, letting her hear the sizzle and smell the smoke.] And you won't. Not now, not yet. Because there are some things in this world you're just not ready to face.

Angel: Hi. Can I come in?
Kate: Oh, that's right. You have to be invited in, don't you?
Angel: [pause] You've been doing your homework.
Kate: Want to quiz me? I'm just full of fun facts. For instance, I learned that your friend has been in L.A. before, did you know that? Yeah, at least twice. Once in 1929 and again in 1963. Oh, and there was something in Boston in 1908, I think he was there, too.
Angel: So you believe me.
Kate: Yes, I believe you...
Angel: Good, because he's planning something el...
Kate: ...Angelus. Isn't that what he called you? Angelus? I looked it up, it's all right there. The demon with the face of an angel. A particularly brutal bastard, by all accounts. Oh, and no, you can't come in.
Angel: I can't make up for the past, Kate, I know that...
Kate: No, you can't. In fact, all of this? What's happening now? Is because of you. You made him, didn't you?
Angel: Then let me help end it. Please.
Kate: 'Please.' Now there's a word I imagine you heard quite a lot in your time. 'Please.' 'No.' 'Don't.' Thanks for the offer, but I don't need your help. I know what to do. Drive a stake right through the son of a bitch's heart. And when that happens, I suggest you don't be there, because the next time we meet, I'll do the same to you.

Expecting[edit]

Wesley: Hello. I was just in the neighborhood, patrolling with my new Bavarian fighting axe when I suddenly thought, "Perhaps Cordelia has had a vision." Perhaps you need my help in the battle against evil.
Angel: We seem to be evil-free at the moment.
Wesley: I also packed along a Word Puzzle 3-D, if either of you has the nerve to take me on.
Cordelia: Gee, Wesley, I'd love to... but unlike you, I'm not in my eighties quite yet.
Wesley: If shaking your booty at the latest trendy hot spot is your idea of a life, then call me... [Cordy's gorgeous friends Serena and Emily enter] ...sick with envy.
Serena: [to Wesley] Hi. I'm Serena. Nice ax.
Wesley: Oh, no, this old thing? [accidentally embeds weapon in wall]

Angel: So, you're seeing someone? How come I haven't met him?
Cordelia: 'Cause I'm ashamed of you, not to mention how you'd embarrass me by giving him the third degree.
Emily: Your boss could give me the third degree anytime.
Cordelia: Oh, um... so... [collapses and convulses; Angel and Wesley try to distract Serena and Emily so they won't notice Cordelia having vision]
Angel: [pushes some mail off desk] Um, uh, Cordelia! Grab that file.
Wesley: [bending to pick up mail] Don't worry. Heh Heh. Whoopsie! [straightens up]
Angel: Lounge La Brea. Sounds like that could be an evening with all sorts of evening type... I heard the bands there are...
Serena: They don't have bands.
Angel: Which I like, 'cause if it's too loud...
Emily: Wanna come?
Angel: Oh, I think I may be busy. [flash of Cordelia's vision] Besides, um, I don't, um, lounge... all that well.
Wesley: [loud laugh] Good one. Oh, yes, no. He's no lounger, this one. [throws arm across Angel's shoulders] Hmm-mmm.
Serena: [aside to Emily] The good ones are always gay. Cor, tick-tock. [Cordelia shakily stands]
Angel: [asking about her vision] So, that client I'm supposed to be meeting tonight... What's he like again?
Cordelia: Like a big baby hatching from a big egg, with really large hands, in need of a manicure. You're meeting him here. [writes down address, then moves toward door with girls]
Cordelia: Okay. Are my girls ready to party?

[Cordelia wakes up hugely pregnant, with Wilson nowhere to be found.]
Angel: Have you talked to Wilson?
Cordelia: No. What would I say to him? "I had a really nice time, I think you left something at my place"?

Bartender: [after being interrogated by Angel] What are you, her boyfriend?
Angel: No, I'm family.

[Angel and Wesley walk in on Cordelia drinking a cup of blood.]
Angel: I don't think I've ever realised just how disgusting that was.

Angel: I really don't like it when people shoot me.

She[edit]

[Angel dutifully attends Cordelia's party.]
Cordelia: Hi! You having fun?
Angel: Sure. This is... um...
Cordelia: Your idea of hell.
Angel: Actually, in hell you tend to know a lot of the people.

[Angel escapes into Cordelia's kitchen.]
Dennis: [pulls out chair]
Angel: Hi, Dennis. [sits] How you doing?
Dennis: [moves beverage from ice bucket to tabletop]
Angel: Still dead?
Dennis: [pops open can, slides it over]
Angel: [sips] I know the feeling.

Laura: So with my Masters degree in Fine Arts, I was able to launch my very own business – selling sandwiches downtown from a little cart.
Angel: Huh.
Laura: Yeah. I-I do see a lot of stuff on the job. – So I tell myself that I’m honing my eye.
Angel [smiling]: Makes sense.
[A different song comes on and Laura sets down her drink.]
Laura [starting to make dance moves and wearing a big smile]: Oh, I *love* this. (Angel looks around) Would you - like to dance?
[Camera zooms in on Angel’s eye. Flash to white, then to Angel doing some exaggerated wild dancing and making faces while Laura is staring at him with her mouth hanging open. Flash back to white and to Angel’s face.]
Angel: I don’t dance.

[The day after the party.]
Cordelia: I'm so glad you came. You know how parties are. You're always worried that no one's going to suck the energy out of the room like a giant black hole of boring despair. But there you were in the clinch!
Angel: I didn't... Boring?
Cordelia: You used to be a person! Did you never party? Did people not gather in olden times?
Angel: I talked to people. Laura.
Cordelia: Okay, Laura thought you hated her. I had to tell her you were challenged.
Angel: I don't hate her. I, I've got two modes with people: bite and avoid. Hard to shift. Plus, I can't get too close. I mean, with women...
Cordelia: You can be nice. It's not like Laura's gonna throw you down on the living room floor and tear off all of your... Well, actually, Laura...
Angel: I'll try harder. Still, I mean, the quiet, reserved thing, don't you think it makes me kind of... I don't know, cool?
Cordelia: [points at Wesley, just entering] He... was cooler.
Angel: [sits down hard on sofa] Now I'm depressed.

Angel: Here's the plan: We go in, I start hitting people hard in the face, see where it takes us.


I've Got You Under My Skin[edit]

[Oven timer dings. Wes checks his sole.]
Cordelia: [off] They're done! Nobody touch.
Angel: I think she's making brownies.
Wesley: Oh, is that what I smell. I thought I tracked something in.
Cordelia: [enters] The recipe was handed down to me from my mother, who got it from her housekeeper, plus I improvised a little. You're gonna love 'em!
Wesley: Me?!
Cordelia: Uh huh!
Wesley: Doesn't Angel have to... get to... try any?
Cordelia: They're brownies full of nutty goodness, not red blood cells.
Wesley: Oh. I wasn't thinking. More of a drinker than an eater, I suppose.
Cordelia: [having difficulty cutting] Maybe if you'd branch out into the solids he'd keep a decent knife around. [starts to hack in pan with special enchanted Keck knife]
Wesley: [shooting to feet] That is not appropriate! It's for killing extinct demons! Angel, make her stop!!
Angel: [smiling] Cordelia...
Wesley: That blade is very old! Who knows what kind of corrosive effect your cooking may have on it?
Cordelia: [brandishing knife] 'Corrosive effect'?
Angel: Cordelia, just.. put down the very sharp knife...
Wesley: Well, they don't smell right.
Cordelia: I think Mr. Too-Much-Cologne is the pot calling the kettle stinky.

Cordelia: Pretend to read any good books lately?
Angel: Cordelia. I thought you went home.
Cordelia: [sits] You called him 'Doyle.'
Angel: It... just happened. I hope Wesley's okay with it.
Cordelia: Oh, who cares about him. This is about Doyle. You never say his name.
Angel: I say it.
Cordelia: No, you don't. Look, you don't have to be Joe-stoic about his dying. I mean, I know that you have this unflappable vibe working for you, but you don't have to do that for me.
Angel: I'm not unflappable.
Cordelia: Great! So... flap.
Angel: [stands, walks to window, turns] ... ... I miss him.
Cordelia: [smiles] Me, too.
Angel: I've been around death before. A lot. I've lost people, I've killed people...
Cordelia: And you are dead. ...Sorry.
Angel: It shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have let it happen.
Cordelia: Angel, it wasn't your fault. It hurts.
Angel: Yeah.

Cordelia: What is this stuff, anyway? Kind of pretty.
Wesley: It's the bodily excretion of an Ethros demon.
Cordelia: No one could have said "demon poo" before I touched it?

Wesley: You're thinking the demon's taken on corporeal form.
Angel: That's my guess. It can only absorb the elements it needs if it manifests itself physically which means if we can find it in time, we can kill it. He'll be looking for a hostile environment. Somewhere damp. Probably be turning to primordial volcanic basalt for his regeneration.
Cordelia: Huh?
Wesley: Sea caves.
Cordelia: Why didn't you just say that?

[Angel and Wesley track a vicious Ethros demon deep into dark basalt sea caves.]
Wesley: Angel, before we go any further, I, I just want to assure you, in as much as we'll be fighting side by side... What that demon said before...
Angel: I know you're not planning to kill me, Wesley. But you're willing to. And that's good! Now, come on.

Ethros Demon: Do you know what the most frightening thing in the world is? Nothing. That's what I found in the boy. No conscience, no fear, no humanity. Just a black void. I couldn't control him. I couldn't get out. I never even manifested him until you brought me forth. I just sat there and watched as he destroyed everything around him. Not from a belief in evil, not for any reason at all...That boy's mind was the blackest hell I've ever known. Thats why I tried to get Him to commit Suicide.I knew it would bring Death,I do not fear it.The only Thing I've ever feared is in that house.

The Prodigal[edit]

Liam: Anna, come closer.
Anna: Master Liam, your father...
Liam: He'll be off to church by now, repenting of his sins. And well he should. Closer, Anna!
Anna: Why do ye keep to the shadows, sir? Are ye not well?
Liam: The light... it bothers my eyes just now.
Father: And I know the reason why! [kicks Liam out into the sunlight] Up again all night, is it? Drinking and whoring! I can smell the stink of it on you!
Liam: And a 'good morning' to you, Father.
Father: You're a disgrace.
Liam: If you say so, Father.
Father: Oh, I do. I do say so. Have you not had enough debauchery for one night? Must you corrupt the servants as well?
Liam: 'Servant,' Father. We have one servant. Anyway, everyone gets corrupted. But I find some forms of corruption are more pleasant... [rocks back as hard open-handed slap catches him full force]
Father: I'm ashamed to call you my son. A lay-about and a scoundrel. You'll never amount to anything more than that.
[Liam silently wipes blood from the corner of his mouth.]

[Liam brawls with manic abandon.]
Darla: Who is he?
Bar maid: Who, that one?
Darla: Yes. He's magnificent.
Bar maid: Ooh yah, God's gift, all right.
Darla: Really! I've never known God to be so generous.
Bar maid: Oh, his lies sound pretty when the stars are out, but he forgets every promise he's made when the sun comes up again.
Darla: That wouldn't really be a problem for me, actually.

Cordelia: Pay attention! All you have to do is decide what the code will be.
Angel: Code.
Cordelia: For the security system we just had installed. [waves instruction booklet] Hello? What have we been talking about, anyway?
Angel: I don't...
Cordelia: Come on. The installation guy said it should be something easy to remember, like my birthday.
Angel: I don't know your birthday.
Cordelia: Yeah, tell me something you don't know that I don't know. But after eleven and a half months of punching it in to this, you won't have any excuses.

Father: Liam! You’ll do as I say.
Liam: [To his sister.] Sweet Kathy. No tears. We’ll meet again.
Father: Defy me now, you won’t. Not as long as I live.
Liam: You’ll want to move away from the door now, father.
Father: Go through it, but don’t ever expect to come back.
Liam: As you wish, father. Always, just as you wish.
Father: It’s a son I wished for! A man! instead God gave me you! A terrible disappointment.
Liam: Disappointment? A more dutiful son you couldn’t have asked for. My whole life you’ve told me in word, in glance, what it is you required of me, and I’ve lived down to your every expectations, now haven’t I?
Father: That’s madness!
Liam: No. The madness is that I couldn’t fail enough for you. But we’ll fix that now, won’t we?
Father: I fear for you, lad.
Liam: And is that the only thing you can find in your heart for me now, father?
Father: Who’ll take you in, huh? No one!
Liam: I’ll not lack for a place to sleep, I can tell you that. Out of my way.
Father: I was never in your way, boy.
[Angel opens the door and storms out.]
Father: If you’ll go courting trouble, you’re sure to find it!
[Liam's father looks as if he is about to cry and slams the door.]

[Cut to the barmaid at the tavern smiling as Angel picks her up. Cut to Darla scratching her chest to make it bleed. Cut to the barmaid. Cut to Darla in the alley. Cut to the Barmaid feeding Angel some grapes.]]
Darla: You know what to do. Darling boy.
[Cut to Angel following Darla into the alley.]
Darla: I could show you – things you’ve never seen.
[Darla bites him and his eyes pop open. His knees give out and Darla pushes his mouth on top of the bloody scratch on her chest.]

Angelus: Strange. Somehow you seemed taller when I was alive.
Father: Lord, bind this demon now.
Angelus: To think I ever let such a tiny, trembling thing make me feel the way you did.
Father: [crosses himself] Deliver me under thy protection, Father.
Angelus: You told me I wasn't a man. You told me I was nothing. And I believed you. You said I'd never amount to anything. You were wrong. [vamps] You see, Father. I have made something of myself after all.

Darla: This contest is ended, is it.
Angelus: Now I've won.
Darla: Are you sure?
Angelus: Of course. I proved who had the power here.
Darla: You think?
Angel: [stands] What?
Darla: Your victory over him took but moments.
Angelus: [looks back at his dead father] Yes?
Darla: But his defeat of you will last lifetimes.
Angelus: What are you talking about? He can't defeat me now.
Darla: Nor can he ever approve of you, in this world, or any other. What we once were informs all that we have become. The same love will infect our hearts, even if they no longer beat. Simple death won't change that.
Angelus: Love. [looks around at his dead family] Is this the work of love?
Darla: Darling boy. So young, still so very young.

The Ring[edit]

[Cordelia checks a lead on an on-line demon database.]
Cordelia: There are some ugly critters in here. Someone ought to create an intra-demon dating base. You know, like archfiend.org, where the lonely and the slimy connect. I was just joking, Mister Grouchy-Pants. When was the last time you had a dating base?
Wesley: For your information, I lead a rich and varied social life.
Cordelia: Oh, I know. Every night it’s Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out, girls, this one can’t be tamed!

Cordelia: Why isn't Wolfram & Hart in here?
Wesley: Because they're lawyers, not demons.
Cordelia: Fine line, you ask me.

Eternity[edit]

[The episode starts from a black screen.]
Wesley: We're doomed.
Angel: Maybe we can make a break for it.
Wesley: Impossible.
Angel: Front exit?
Wesley: We'd be spotted instantly.
Angel: Back door?
Wesley: Blocked.
Angel: That's it, then. We're trapped.
Wesley: We could try shouting fire... [seats in a theater are shown] It's not technically a crowded theater.
Cordelia: [performing Henrik Ibsen's "A Doll's House" on stage] 'One day, I might, yes. Many years from now, when I've lost my looks a little. Do not laugh.'
Wesley: [checks his watch] Only another hour.
Cordelia: 'I mean of course, a time will come when Torvald is not... is not...' ..Line??
Prompter: [whispers] 'is not as devoted to me'.
Wesley: Perhaps two.
Cordelia: What??
Prompter: [whispers] 'is not as devoted to me'.
Cordelia: 'is not as devoted to me.' [adds dramatic sob]
Angel: And I thought I knew Eternity.

Cordelia: [To Wesley] So... how was I?
Wesley: It was really good.
Cordelia: Really? Thanks. Angel was I good?
Angel: What? Oh.. Uh... I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true.
Cordelia: Thanks. [pause] You didn't say it.
Angel: I didn't?
Cordelia: I don't believe this!
Angel: Well, it was a night in a theater I'll never forget.

Angel: I'm not what you think.
Rebecca: You're not? Because... no reflection, dark private office, instantly knowing those letters weren't written in blood... I guess what I would think is "vampire".
Angel: Then again...
Rebecca: Which is impossible. Bela Lugosi, Gary Oldman, they're vampires.
Angel: Frank Langella was the only performance I believed, but...
Rebecca: This is real. You're real. Do you drink blood?
Angel: Yeah. But not human.
Rebecca: You're not a killer.
Angel: I gave that up.
Rebecca: Well, there's a support group for everything in this town, I guess.

Rebecca: A season and a half off the air and suddenly I'm nobody again.
Angel: [holding up some tabloids] Not according to these.
Rebecca: According to those, I've slept with Ernest Borgnine and I'm bulimic.
Angel: I hear Borgnine's a very skilled lover.

[Rebecca leans over a slightly woozy looking Angel twirling his champagne glass.]
Angel: I used to be, uh, a long time ago. I hurt a lot of people.
Rebecca: I don't believe that.
Angel: No, it's true. I was bad. Which is why I have to help people now. I'm trying to atone.
Rebecca: Cordelia says you've saved the world.
Angel: Couple times I helped. But I almost had it sucked into hell once too.
Rebecca: Still, don't you think after all this time you deserve some happiness?
Angel: [laughs] That's probably not a good idea. Hm. You smell so good. [Rebecca is running one hand under his shirt. Angel looks pretty spaced out.] So warm. I miss that.
Rebecca: You don't have to. You can have what you've been craving all these long, empty years. We both can. Forever.
Angel: Woah, woah. What are you saying?
Rebecca: You know what I'm saying. [Exposes her neck to him.] Do it. We won't have to be lonely, either one of us, ever again.
Angel: You're wrong. You don't know what it is you're asking me to do.
Rebecca: Of course I know. I'm not a fool. There is a price. I understand that.
Angel: You couldn't possibly understand.
Rebecca: I wasn't afraid, was I? When I looked into the mirror and you weren't there I didn't scream. I didn't run. I understood.
Angel: No. You weren't afraid. You looked into that mirror and all you saw was yourself. That's all you ever see, Rebecca, and that's what really frightens you. This isn't about the way the studio, the network, or the fans see you. It's about how you see yourself. Your own reflection has been corrupted into something unrecognizable. You think you want to stay the same? What you really want is to make it disappear.
Rebecca: You're supposed to help people. Help me.
Angel: You want me to help you? [Grabs her and pulls her into the kitchen.] Fine!
Rebecca: What are you doing?
[Angel opens the fridge and takes out a red-cross blood bag, still clutching Rebecca's left arm.]
Angel: It's a big decision, Rebecca. Eternity. [Takes the bag and squirts some of the blood into her mouth.] I think you need a taste of what it is you're really asking for. [Rebecca is trying not to gag on the blood. Angel backs away, gasping, staring at the blood-spattered actress in front of him.] I'm sorry, I... [he drops the packet of blood] What did you do to me?
Rebecca: Nothing.
Angel: You put something in my drink.
Rebecca: I just wanted you to relax a little, Angel. Oh, lower the defenses a little.
Angel: [grabs her] What was it?!
Rebecca: Just a little happy pill. [Angel drops his face on her shoulder, panting, and Rebecca starts crying.] Oh god. I'm so sorry.
Angel: Everybody is so sorry.
Rebecca: I just wanted us both to be happy.
Angel: Oh, but I am happy.
Rebecca: You are?
Angel: Yes.
[A low crunch emanates from Rebecca's neck. She screams and backs away holding her shoulder were Angel's face had been. Angel straightens up, in vamp-face.]
Angel: Perfectly happy.

Rebecca: Angel?
Angelus: Oh, what's the matter? Look a little nervous.
Rebecca: You, you're...
Angelus: Free! [Picks up his drink and drains it.] You freed me. Mmm. [Sticks a finger in the glass and licks the last of it off his finger.] Oh, God. I love this stuff! Wow! [Breaks the glass on a ceiling beam.] Remind me to get the name of your dealer before I kill you.
Rebecca: Kill me?
[Angel twirls the broken glass in his hand.]
Angelus: In all my years, I've never killed a famous person before. But with no witnesses who's gonna believe me? Maybe we can take a picture. I know! We do it like we did back in the day. I'll keep your head on a stick as proof.
Rebecca: My head on a stick?
Angelus: Well okay... [throws the glass over his shoulder and listens to it break]... pike.
Rebecca: You're just trying to scare me.
Angelus: Is it working?
Rebecca: No.
[Angelus tosses her across the room and she lands on the stairs to the sewer entrance.]
Angelus: How about now?
Rebecca: You're crazy.
Angelus: Oh, no. I'm a vampire. Boy, you know, you could stand to drop a few pounds. Hey, I help you with that.
Rebecca: This isn't you.
Angelus: They always mistake me for the character I play. They never see the real me!
Rebecca: I'm... I just wanted to...
Angelus: Be like me? Believe me, I'm one happy fellow. Tell you what, I'll torture you for a few unbelievably long hours and then you can tell me if this is the lifestyle for you. It's up to you.

Cordelia: Well, oh, why don't you juss-ss...
Angelus: Juss-s? Line? 'Of course a time will come when Torvald is not as devoted to me'. You were really, let me tell you, bad.
Cordelia: Stop it.
Angelus: Why? You didn't. I mean, I've been to hell but *that* was so much worse! [To Rebecca] You had to be there. I mean, there wasn't a dry eye in the house, everybody was just laughing so hard. [To Cordelia] Here's a thought. Maybe you can get Raven here to coach you, then you'd actually suck!

[Among Angelus' dastardly deeds was a savage, if accurate, critique of Cordelia's acting.]
Angel: Cordelia —
Cordelia: OK, here's something I never thought I would say to you: Wesley's right. Forget about it.
Angel: But I really didn't mean —
Cordelia: Yes, you did. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to weasel out of it. Angelus may not be the most relaxing company, but at least he's honest. Shouldn't I expect the same from the not-evil version of my friends?
Angel: So, we're OK, then?
Cordelia: I'm way too big of a person to let something so petty get in the way of our friendship.
Angel: I appreciate that. [a pause] You're not gonna untie me, are you?
Cordelia: Pfft! [she exits]
Angel: Wesley? Cordelia? [cut to credits] Guys?

Five by Five[edit]

[Borsa, Romania 1898. Darla follows a blindfolded Angelus into a house.]
Angelus: Can I take off this blindfold yet?
Darla: No.
Angelus: [grabs Darla around the waist] Can I take off something else?
Darla: After I give you your present. [They kiss] You can never have enough of those. Come on.
[She leads him into another room, then takes his blindfold off. A gagged girl lies in front of a fireplace.]
Darla: Happy birthday, Angelus.
Angelus: She is a gypsy.
Darla: I looked everywhere.
Angelus: What would I do without you?
Darla: Wither and die. [They kiss] She is not just for you. I get to watch.
[Angelus goes and leans down over the girl. He pushes her skirt up while she squirms, then vamps out and bites her thigh while Darla watches.]

Cordelia: You can always tell when he's happy. His scowl? A little less scowly.

Angel: [regarding Faith] I thought she was in a coma.
Cordelia: Pretty lively coma.

Darla: Angelus? Are you here? Angelus?
[She walks into the other room. Angel is huddled up against a wall.]
Angel: Not everyone screams.
Darla: What?
Angel: When you kill them. Some just stand there frozen while others...
Darla: What are you doing? Are we playing a game?
Angel: The children, they usually scream.
Darla: [smiling] Hmm, yes. They sound just like little pigs. Have you brought me some? What you don't think I'll share? I can't believe that you would think I'm that insensitive.
[Angel turns away from the wall, looking ragged.]
Angel: We've drunk and killed for how long now? 140-odd years. We've drunk them all up and they're all dead.
Darla: Where have you been?
Angel: Don't!
Darla: What is this? Have you met someone else?
[Angel takes a hold of her shoulders and leans against her.]
Darla: No. Let go! [Pushes him away] Let go of me! What happened to you? Angelus, what happened?
Angel: That gypsy girl you brought me...her people found out. They did something to me.
Darla: A spell?
Angel: Funny. You would think with all the people I've maimed and killed I wouldn't be able to remember every single one. [Darla walks up to him.] Help me.
Darla: The spell...they gave you a soul! A filthy soul! No! [Scratches his cheek.] You're disgusting!
Angel: Darla.
[Darla picks up a wooden chair to ward him off.]
Darla: No! Get away from me!
Angel: You brought her here.
[Darla smashes the chair and picks up one of the legs and tries to stake Angel, but he avoids it.]
Angel: I am like you.
Darla: You're not like anything! Get away from me! Get out! [Angel stumbles out of the house] I'll kill you!"
[Angel runs out of the house but looks back one last time at Darla standing in the doorway with a stake still raised. He leaves, Darla lowers the stake.]

[Faith has Wesley gagged and tied to a chair.]
Faith: We've only done one of the five basic torture groups. We've done blunt, but that still leaves sharp, hot, cold, and loud.

Faith: Face it, Wesley, you really were a jerk. Always walking around like you had a great big stake shoved up your English Channel.

Wesley: I was your watcher Faith, I know the real you. But even if you kill me there is just one thing I want you to remember.
Faith: What's that love?
Wesley: You are a piece of shi...
Faith: You should talk. I guess I'll have to try a little harder huh?

[Faith throws herself against Angel screaming.]
Faith: I'm evil! I'm bad! I'm evil! Do you hear me? I'm bad! Angel, I'm bad!
[She begins to sob, grabbing a hold of Angel's shirt and shaking him.]
Faith: I'm ba-ad. Do you hear me? I'm bad! I'm bad! I'm bad. Please. Angel, please, just do it.
[Wesley comes running out of the apartment building.]
Faith:Angel please, just do it. Just do it. Just kill me. Just kill me.
[Angel wraps his arms around her shoulders and pulls her against him. She over balances them and they sink to their knees, Angel still holding her as she cries.]
Angel: Shh. It's all right. It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here. Shh.
[The camera shows the knife dropping from Wesley's hand as he stands in the pouring rain, staring at them, while Faith cries and thunder rumbles overhead.]

Sanctuary[edit]

Angel: You should be resting.
Faith: I've been asleep for eight months. You rest.

Angel: Where are you gonna go? Back out into that darkness? I once told you that you didn't have to go out in that darkness. Remember? That it was your choice. Well, you chose. You thought that you could just touch it. That you'd be okay. Five by five, right, Faith? But it swallowed you whole. So tell me: How'd you like it?

Faith: I gotta be the first slayer in history to be sponsored by a vampire.

Faith: [About Wesley] Are you saying I got to apologize?
Angel: Think you can?
Faith: I don't know. How do you say, "Gee, really sorry that I tortured you nearly to death"?
Angel: Well, first off I think I'd leave off the "Gee"...

Lilah: We found her.
Lindsay: Where?
Lilah: She's with him.
Lindsay: Is he dead?
Lilah: Well, he is a vampire so technically, yes, he is dead. But not by her hand. She is his house guest.
Lindsay: What?
Lilah: That's right. The reason our little assassin hasn't made good on her contract is she's rooming with the mark.
Lindsay: We hired her to kill him.
Lilah: I believe I covered that with the assassin part.
Lindsay: And he ends up inviting her to spend the night.
Lilah: I told you he wouldn't be easy. He can't be bought, and apparently he can't be killed even by a vampire Slayer. Rumor has it he used to actually date one.
Lindsay: Who else knows about this?
Lilah: No one outside of this room. Not yet anyway.
Lindsay: When word gets back to the senior partners this won't go well. We conspired with her, paid her half up front, and now she makes us look like fools. So - question is - how are we gonna fix it?
[Lilah and Lindsay smile and turn toward Lee who is wearing a neck brace and swollen from the beating Faith gave him earlier.]
Lee: I say we kill her.

Lindsay: Here is the target.
Lee: Don't let the picture fool you. She is tougher than she looks.
Lindsay: We're not talking about anything elaborate. No slow or painful death.
Lee: Well, some pain would be good.
Lindsay: The point is: do we want her dead?
Lee: Yes. Dead. A lot.

Lee Mercer: This is getting ridiculous. The first assassin kills the second assassin sent to kill the first assassin, who didn't assassinate anyone until we hired the second assassin to assassinate her.

Buffy: You hit me!
Angel: Not to go all schoolyard on you, but you hit me first. And in case you've forgotten, you're a little bit stronger than I am.
Buffy: You did it for her.
Angel: You were about ten seconds away from making her run.

Buffy:She tried to kill you!
Angel:that was just...that was just a cry for help.
Buffy: A cry for help, is when you say "help" in a loud voice.
Angel: I know Faith did some bad things to you
Buffy: You can't possibly know
Angel: You can't possibly know what she's going through!
Buffy: But of course you do. I'm sorry. I can't be in your club. I've never murdered anybody.

Angel: Buffy, this wasn't about you. This was about saving somebody's soul. That's what I do here and you're not a part of it. That was your idea, remember? We stay away from each other.
Buffy: I came here because you were in danger.
Angel: I'm in danger every day. You came here because of Faith. You were looking for vengeance.
Buffy: I have a right to it!
Angel: Not in my city!
[long pause]
Buffy: I have someone in my life now, that I love. It's not what you and I had. It's very new. You know what makes it new? I trust him, I know him.
Angel: That's great, it's nice you moved on; I can't. You found someone new; I'm not allowed to, remember? I see you again, it cuts me up inside, and the person I share that with is me. You don't know me anymore, so don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way. Go home.
Buffy: See? Faith wins again.
Angel: [huskily] Go.

Angel: [to Wesley] For a taciturn, shadowy guy, I've got a big mouth.

[last lines]
Wesley: [about Faith] I hope she's strong enough to make it... Peace is not an easy thing to find.
Angel: She has a chance.
[Faith sits in her jail cell]

War Zone[edit]

[The Angel Investigations team is at the home of a wealthy new client.]
Cordelia: Oh, I've missed that smell!
Wesley: Camembert, I believe.
Cordelia: What? No, money. I like to smell a little money once in a while.
Angel: She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It's uncanny.

David Nabbit: Are you familiar with Dungeons & Dragons?
Angel: Yeah. I've seen a few.
Wesley: You mean the, uh, role-playing game.
Angel: Oh. Game. Right.

Cordelia: They locked ya in, huh?
Angel: No, I just love ol' meat lockers.
Wesley: You should've tried to call us on your cell phone. You probably forgot you had it.
Angel: These things hardly ever work. Besides, it was a lot easier and quicker to just ... Look I'm the boss here, I ... say when we're gonna use the cell phones and ... people are gonna die here and I ... have to go.

Gunn: How come you do it? How come you're out here?
Angel: What else are we gonna do? I'll be around.
Gunn: I don't need no help.
Angel: I might.

Gunn: What are you doing out here?
Angel: Skulking. Professionally.

Blind Date[edit]

Wesley: Demons with one eye, demons with twelve eyes, some with double vision. No blind demons. Perhaps Angel's discovered a new species.
Cordy: What, Helen Kellerus Homicidalus?

Lindsey: Well, our files aren't a hundred percent, but I guess it's fair to say you've never seen anything like real poverty. I'm talking dirt poor. No shoes, no toilet, six of us kids in one room. And come flu season it was down to four. I was seven when they took the house. They just came right in and took it. And my daddy's being nice, you know? Joking with the bastards while he signs the deed. So yeah, we had a choice. You got stepped on or you got to stepping. And I swore to myself that I was not gonna be the guy standing there with a stupid grin on my face while my life got dribbled out.
Angel: [head falls off hand] [pretends to jolt awake] I'm sorry, I nodded off. Did you get to the part where you're evil?

Lindsey: I get myself killed, that'll convince you I've changed?
Angel: It's a start.

[Gunn barges into the main office of the evil law firm, Wolfram & Hart.]
Gunn: Whoo Whoo! My God! They told me it was true, but I didn't believe em. Damn, here it is. Evil white folks really do have a mecca. Now, now, now girls, don't get all riled up. (screams) Did you just step on my foot? Was that my foot you just stepped on? Are you assulting me up in this haven of justice?! Somebody get me a lawyer, because my civil rights have seriously been violated. Oh, I get it, y'all can cater to the demon... cater to the dead man... but what about the black man!?

To Shanshu in L.A.[edit]

Cordelia: I want to know what it says about me, if there's torrid romance in my future, massive wealth, if I have to I'll settle for enviable fame.
Wesley: It's an ancient sacred text, not a Magic Eight Ball.
Cordelia: Nobody gets my humor.
Angel: I thought it was funny.
Cordelia: Oh.

Wesley: He's got a soul but he's not a part of the world...he can never be part of the world.
Cordelia: Because he doesn't want stuff? That's ridiculous!
[Wesley takes Cordelia's doughnut]
Cordelia: Hey I want that!
Wesley: What connects us to life?
Cordelia: Right now i'm going with 'Doughnut'
Wesley: What connects us to life is the simple truth we are part of it. We live, we grow, we change but Angel...
Cordelia: ..can't do any of those things

Doctor: [after Angel storms into a vision-delirious Cordelia's hospital room] You can't be in here! ...Are you family?
Angel: [pushes her aside] Yes!

Kate: Never a dull moment when you're around is there?
Angel: I have to go.
Kate: Who the hell do you think you are?! You are a major witness in a major crime scene. You're not going anywhere!
Angel: You wanna try and stop me, Kate?
Kate: I'm glad were not playing friends anymore, and I'm real sick and tired of your attitude. There is a thing called the law.
Angel: This isn't about the law. It's about a little thing called life. Now, I'm sorry about your father, but I didn't kill your father and I'm sick and tired of you blaming me for everything you can't handle. You wanna be enemies? Try me!

Wesley: The vampire with the soul, once he fulfills his destiny will 'shanshu.' Become human. It's his reward.
Cordelia: Wow! Angel human!
Angel: That'll be nice.

[Lilah, Holland and Lindsey are entering the vault where the box from the ritual is stored. Lindsey's right arm is in a sling.]
Holland: The senior partners were very impressed with your sacrifice.
[Lindsey looks at him.]
Holland: Trust me, we'll even the score with them.
Lindsey: Yes, we will.
Holland: Beginning with what's in that box.
[Lilah leans to look in through the bars running along the top of the box.]
Lilah: We're all very pleased you're here. I know it's a bit confusing, but it's gonna be better soon. A lot better...
[Camera pans to show a naked woman crouched in one corner of the box, shaking in terror.]
Lilah:...Darla.

Season 2[edit]

Judgment[edit]

Lilah: [on phone] If you don't sign, we'll sue your ass off and kill your children. Just kidding, Donald. Nobody wants a lawsuit.

Darla: Hm. He's here.
Lilah: Chopin?
Lindsey: Angel. He's here in town. You can feel him.
Darla: Always could.
Lindsey: He hasn't been much of a help to us.
Darla: He killed me. [Laughs] I remember now...with a soul in his heart.
Lindsey: He's taken from both of us so when you feel ready we'll start thinking about giving a little back.
Darla: Angel. It's been a long time. I'd love to see that boy.

Cordelia: Maybe it's time to visit your stoolie. Make with the chin music until he canaries. I've been watching a little noir festival on Bravo.

Gunn: I saw you in bed.
Cordelia: What?
Wesley: I can see that this is none of my business.
Gunn: You too.
Wesley: Now wait just a moment.
Gunn: At the hospital. After Angel's building blew, he sent me there to keep an eye on you.

Lorne: My question first, and tell the truth because you know I'll know: Why "Mandy?"
Angel: Well, I-I know the words ... And, I kinda think it's pretty.

Jo: I really appreciate you coming through for us like this. But you know how you're not really good at anything? Sure you can do this?
Angel: I grew up around horses.
Jo: How long has it been since you've ridden one?
Angel: It's been a while. But don't worry, it's not something you forget. I can do this. [to the horse] Nice horse. Try not to make me look stupid out there, okay?

Angel: I had to sing Barry Manilow.
Faith: You're kidding.
Angel: In front of people.
Faith: And here I am talking about my petty little problems.
Angel: Just wanted to give you a little perspective.
Faith: "Copacabana"?
Angel: "Mandy". I don't want to dwell on it.
Faith: The road to redemption is a rocky path.
Angel: That it is.
Faith: You think we might make it?
Angel: We might.

Are You Now or Have You Ever Been[edit]

Cordelia: [emerges from her kitchen, serving drinks to Angel and Wesley in her living room] English breakfast tea... coffee... [sets a tall glass on the table for Angel] ... O-pos.

Cordelia: Something the matter?
Angel: [looking at the dark liquid in his glass] I, um, I think it's gone bad. It's starting to coagulate.
Cordelia: Huh? No - that's cinnamon. [off Angel's look] What, I can't try something?

Bellhop: You ever look into his eyes? There's nothing there.

Wesley: I can sense it. There is a pattern here... Some force was residing at the Hyperion over the last decades, affecting staff and residents. I just fear there is no real way to...
Cordelia: A Thesulac paranoia demon. Whispers to its victims, feeds on their innate insecurities.
[Wesley stares]
Cordelia [holding out phone]: Angel wants to talk to you.

[Wesley holds out a hand to where Gunn is fiddling with a backpack and snaps his fingers.]
Wesley: Orb of Ramjerin.
Gunn: "Orb of Ramjerin, please" makes it happen.
Wesley: Please! And do be careful. Ancient conjuring orbs are notoriously fragile.
[Gunn tosses the orb to Wesley and Wesley has to drop the book and crouch down to catch it.]
Wesley: Angel!
Angel: Guys, don't listen to it, alright? What ever it's whispering to you, just ignore it.
Cordelia: They were like this all the way over here in the car.
Angel: Oh.

Wesley: I've been accused of a great many things in my time but paranoid has never been one of them. Unless people have been saying it behind my back.

Wesley: Angel, you don't think I'm especially paranoid do you?
Angel: Not especially.
Wesley: Good. I was worried.

First Impressions[edit]

Angel: I still can't believe you're here. I mean...I killed you.
Darla: I'm over that. You haven't told anyone else about these dates of ours, have you?
Angel: No. I want you all for myself.
Darla: I know how you feel.
Angel: It's so strange.
Darla: But good.
Angel: But good.
[They kiss as the song ends.]
Lorne: Somebody get these two love-vamps a room!

[Cordelia and Wesley try to clean up the long-deserted Hyperion Hotel.]
Cordelia: Oh, this place is never gonna get clean.
Wesley: Buck up. It's just a little dust.
Cordelia: Oh, this isn't mere dust. This is "Son of Dust". This is the kind of dust that spawns countless generations of little baby dust. I give up.
Wesley: I suppose will just have to move our offices back into your apartment, then.
Cordelia: And, I'm dusting.

[She takes a piece of ice out of her drink and draws a line with it down the middle of Angel's chest. He starts to laugh.]
Angel: Why are you so good to me - after everything I did?
Darla: Because - you and I are one.
[She draws the ice cube across Angel's lips. The phone stops ringing]
Darla: See? I told you it would stop.
[She leans down and they kiss.]'

[Angel comes up behind Darla and wraps his arms around her.]
Angel: What are you thinking about?
[We hear a soft knocking in the background.]
Darla: You. Us.
Angel: You seem sad.
Darla: It's just...I have to go.
Angel: Where?
Darla: Away.
Angel: I'll go with you.
Darla: You can't. I'm in danger.
Angel: I'll protect you.
[She turns around in his arms as the knocking becomes the sound of hammering.]
Darla: You're too busy protecting everyone else.
[They almost kiss, but the hammering gets louder and they look over to see Wesley putting a nail into an upright coffin.]

[Angel is strangling Wesley.]
Wesley: Angel, it’s me!
Angel: What are you doing here?
Wesley: Gunn’s in trouble. Can’t breathe!
Angel: Gunn can’t breathe?
Wesley: I can’t breathe!
Angel: Oh, sorry. [He releases Wesley.]
[...]
Wesley: Now, about the naked thing.
Angel: I’ll get dressed.
Wesley: Much appreciated.

Gunn: I’ll say please.
Cordelia: Oh I forgot, you’ll use your famous charm like you did this afternoon with that pigeon stool.
Gunn: It’s stool pigeon.

Angel: Well, it – it’s, you know. The whole visibility issue, not to mention the hat head thing. You know, when you really think about it, how come I have to wear the ladies’ helmet?
Wesley: Stop being such a wanker and put it on.

[Angel walks into the hotel lobby looking beat.]
Darla: Honey, you're home.
Angel: Hi.
Darla: You look beat. What's wrong?
Angel: Nothing.
Darla: Save any lives today?
Angel: A few. Yeah.
Darla: Did any of your friends say thank you?
Angel: Not exactly.
Darla: Hmm, typical. You know, next time you see them I'm really going to say something to them.
Angel: It's okay.
Darla: No. It isn't. [Puts her hands on his arms] You give and you give and you give.
Angel: I'm used to it.
Darla: Always the protector, never the protected.
Angel: I have so many things to make up for.
Darla: And you have. You take care of so many people. But who takes care of you?
Angel: You do.
Darla: That's right. I do. Come on. Lean back. Now, you just relax and let Darla take care of you.

Darla: How's that?
Angel: Good.
Darla: I'm just getting started, baby. [She starts kissing her way down his bare chest.] I know how to please you. All you have to do is let me.
[Darla kisses his chest, his neck, his mouth, mirroring the dream action in real life without Angel showing any sign of waking. Darla looks down at his sleeping face.]
Darla: Mmm, I could just eat you up.
[Darla leans down and kisses the side of his neck.]

Untouched[edit]

[In Lindsey's dark office at Wolfram & Hart, Lilah starts looking through the papers on his desk.]
Darla: Exciting, isn't it?
[Lilah jumps and drops the papers she was holding.]
Lilah: Darla. I didn't see you.
Darla: Going through their things, all the little pieces of themselves locked away, given you a naughty little thrill of control.
Lilah: I just like to keep abreast of his latest project. He's probably in my office right now trying to find out about mine. That's just how it works at our firm.
[Darla sits on the edge of Lindsey's desk and pours some dark blue powder into the palm of her left hand.]
Darla: Hmm, all you busy little worker bees, plotting your little schemes.
Lilah: Calynthia powder? Is that how you keep Angel sleeping when he's with you?
Darla: There is nothing so lovely as dreams. Everything is in them, everything hidden. Open those chambers and you can truly understand someone and control them.
Lilah: And what's hidden in Angel's secret chambers?
Darla: Horrors.

Wesley: That's so typical of your kind.
Cordelia: Well at least I'm not a sheep like you.
Wesley: I am not a sheep!
Cordelia: You are such a sheep! You've never had a single opinion you didn't read in a book.
Wesley: At least I've opened a book.
Cordelia: Oh don't even try with the snooty, Wooly Boy. I was top 10 percent of my class!
Wesley: What class? Advanced bosoms?
[Cordelia gasps.]
Angel: Hey! What the hell's going on here?
Cordelia: We were just discussing whether or not we should offer to pay Gunn.
[Silence. Angel stares at them both.]
Angel: No you weren't.
Wesley: Well, our discussions tend to go about three minutes. Then it's strictly name-calling and hair-pulling.
[...]
Cordelia: He's been doing for us. He should pull in a check.
Angel: I'll think about asking him, all right?
Cordelia: No think, pay. That's an order.
Angel: Hey! How about we pretend that you work for me.
Cordelia: You are really unpleasant-
Angel: Then why don't we pretend that you don't.
Cordelia: You can't fire me. I'm vision girl. [Sticks her tongue out.]
[Pause.]
Angel: All right, I'll think about asking him, okay? Maybe. On a case by case.
Cordelia: My hero.
Wesley: I was going to suggest that.
Cordelia: Mm-hm.

Cordelia: I can't get this bandage to - stop moving!
Angel: I'm not.
Cordelia: Well, then stop breathing.
Angel: I don't breathe.
Cordelia: Then stop flexing your manly boob-muscles or whatever.
Wesley: That's an ugly looking wound.
Angel: It doesn't feel pretty either.
Wesley: We should definitely approach this girl with caution - I guess you already figured that out.
Angel: She's very powerful. We got to find out everything we can about her.
Cordelia: Like, oh, say, her name?
Angel: I was impaled at the time!
Cordelia: Of course. Perfectly understandable.
Angel: Do you know how hard it is to think straight with a rebar through your torso?
Cordelia: Actually, I do. Benefits of a Sunnydale education. No address or anything?
Angel: She said she was staying with a friend.
Cordelia: Well, that narrows it down to people with friends. [to Wesley] Where do we keep that list?

Cordelia: You shouldn't worry, Angel does this kind of thing all the time.
Bethany: Makes tea?
Cordelia: Helps people. You know, he helps people with problems.
Bethany: So what's wrong with you?
Wesley: Where to begin?

Angel: What do we know about telekinesis?
Wesley: Ah yes, the power of moving things with one's mind. That's pretty much it. The power of ... moving ... I ... I'm better with demons, really.

[On Bethany leaving]
Angel: You gotta learn to lose, sweetie.
Lilah: Did I mention you're not invited in?
Bethany: Don't try to find me, Lilah. I mean it.
Lilah: Our-our firm doesn't wanna lose a ... you-you're not ... [points to Angel] He is a vampire, you know.
Bethany: [looks at Angel] Weird.
[Bethany walks away, unconcerned.]
Angel: Looks like you're gonna have to find someone else's brain to play with.
Lilah: Yeah. We have someone in mind.

Dear Boy[edit]

Angel: The table seems far.
Cordelia: Aw, you must be all worn out from sleeping for the last three days! [to Wesley] It's like living with the world's oldest teenager. He can't be having a growth spurt at two-hundred and forty-eight, could he?
Angel: Two forty-seven!

Wesley: What about my salary? That's fixed too.
Cordelia: What if every time you identified a demon in one of your big old books, we gave you ten bucks? Or a chicken pot pie?
Wesley: Wait, I have another idea — no! Get a vision!
Cordelia: Well, it's not like you can hit me in the head and wham, it happens!
Wesley: What if we test that theory with one of my big old books?
Angel: Children, stop bickering.

Angel: [jolts awake] Eugh! [Wesley and Cordelia stare at him] Didn't doze off.

Angel: I saw her, I'm not crazy.
Wesley: Who?
Angel: Darla.
Wesley: Where?
Angel: Right between the clowns and the big talking hot dog.

Darla: All that power wasted on a whiny, mopey do-gooder. God, I could eat his eyeballs.
Lindsey: Our plans for Angel are a little more long-term than that. But if you can't help yourself, then by all means, be my guest.
Darla: You're fun for a human.

Wesley: The woman walked into direct sunlight. Obviously she's not a vampire, obviously Angel ... made a mistake.
Cordelia: Ya think?
Wesley: We're just going to have to put our heads together and help him come to grips with this thing. [to Angel] You're among friends, we're not going to condemn you.
Cordelia: Right. You're crazy, you need professional help.
Angel: It was Darla, she's back. And she's human now, but - I know her scent.
Wesley: Angel, you can't just - sniff a person and...
Angel: [sniffs Wesley] You had sex last night with a bleached blonde.
Wesley: Good Lord! How'd you-
Cordelia: That's unbelievable. I didn't think you ever had sex.

Angel: [to the crowd, after singing] I'm very sorry.

[Shot of some manacles and a gun on a table.]
Wesley: This is all just precautionary. When push comes to shove, Angel's our - we trust him.
Gunn: [picks up gun] I see.
Cordelia: It's not like he turns evil every time he gets this cranky.
Gunn: He turns evil?!

Gunn: There's nothing I respect more than loyalty.
Wesley: That's good to hear.
Gunn: But if the bad Angel walks through that door I will kill him in two seconds flat.

[Angel manhandles Darla down the long stairwell and a good ways into the giant empty water tank.]
Angel: So you're what Wolfram and Hart brought back in that box. And they brought you back as a human. They think I won't kill one. You want to know what I think? I think they don't know me that well.
[Darla tries to make a run for it, but Angel cuts her off and she stops.]
Angel: You feel what this place was before they excavated it? It's a convent. You remember how much I like convents.
[She looks at him, makes the sign of the cross..]
Angel: Come on Darla, you and I are too old to play games. I need to talk to the real you.
[He morphs into vamp face and charges her, pushes her up against a pillar.]
Angel: It's been a long time since I said this to anyone [he rips her jacket off her shoulder and bares her neck] but you can scream all you want.
[Angel lowers his mouth to her bared shoulder and scrapes his teeth up along her neck, scratching it.]
[As he begins to nuzzle her neck Darla begins to smile.]
Darla: Oh. Oh I'm not gonna scream.
[She turns her face against his neck. He pulls back and kisses her and she responds. After a moment they break apart and Darla smiles at him.]
Darla: There's my boy.
[She puts a hand around his neck and they kiss again, harder.]

Darla: God doesn't want you... but I still do.

Guise Will Be Guise[edit]

Cordelia: What are you doing?
Wesley: Oh, knocking things over, driving away business ... you know, the usual.
Cordelia: Well, I found him and we have to stop him before it's too late, we have to change our ... Do you have any clothes a man would wear?

Cordelia: [pushes "open" button] They have vampire detectors!
Gunn: We know, it's cool. He's got a plan.
Wesley: A plan?
Angel: Yeah. [pushes a floor button] I get to the offices before they stop me.
Gunn: See? [whips his head around to stare at Angel] What? That's the plan? Walkin' real quick was "the plan"?
Cordelia: [pushes open] Angel, this is crazy. Listen to yourself. You're all insane and angry and [Angel pushes up] insane! You need help!
Angel: I'm not insane and I'm not angry.
[Cordelia pushes open, and this time there is a security guard there, triggering the stake concealed in his nightstick. Angel grabs a hold of it and stabs him through the foot with it.]
Wesley: Euugh!
Gunn: Man, that's nasty.
Angel: Maybe I'm a little angry.
Cordelia: "Maybe"?!

[The team is at Caritas, a karaoke bar favored by demons.]
Gunn: Okay, what I want to know is, how'd I live in L.A. all my life and not notice weird-ass stuff was going on?
Cordelia: Oh, the ass is even weirder than you think!
Wesley: The Host, the fellow talking to Angel over there? He helps demons, reads their souls, senses their futures...
Cordelia: Yes, but he can only do it when they sing Karaoke.

Angel: I'll sing if I have to.
[...]
Gunn: Wait, are you sayin' ... Is he gonna sing? Oh, God, is Angel gonna sing?
[...]
Angel: We're going, I don't have to sing.
Cordelia: Oh, thank God! [Angel stares at her.] I-I mean, for your sake, because I know you don't like to do that.
Angel: Uh huh.

Cordelia: [spins in Angel's chair] Hey, look at me, I'm Angel!
Wesley: He doesn't generally spin that much.
Cordelia: Right. This is Angel. "Oh, no, I can't do anything fun tonight. I have to count my past sins, then alphabetize them. Oh, by the way, I'm thinking of snapping on Friday."

Wesley: You gonna fight me?
Virginia: Let's go shopping.
Wesley: What? Now? It's the middle of the night! Wouldn't you rather wait till morning - when I can't reasonably leave the house. Yes, as your bodyguard I insist we go at once. [to Bryce] We're going shopping.

Gunn: At gunpoint?
Cordelia: Yes! The point of a gun! He just walked Wesley right out of here. And this whole "I'm Angel" thing is a very, very bad idea. I mean, if I thought that would work, I could've been Angel, because, guess what? Pretty much a girly name.

Cordelia: Angel, Gunn, what happened?
Angel: He got hit.
Cordelia: By who? The swami? Swamies don't hit. Swamies swam.
Angel: Why is Wesley wearing my coat?

Angel: What's going on? Were you in Virginia?
Wesley: That's beside the point.

Wesley: We have to go. Angel you take Gunn, go to the front of the house. Cordelia, we'll to to the back.
[As he is about to walk past Angel puts out a hand to stop him.]
Angel: Wesley?
Wesley: Oh, right. I'm sorry, you know this sort of thing best. How should we proceed?
Angel: Uhm ... well, Gunn and I could - take the back?
Wesley: Very good. Lets go.
Angel: Uh, Wesley, can I get my coat back?

Wesley: Release her, or die.
Angel: Don’t I say that?

Bryce: She's impure? She-she's not a virgin? [Starts towards Wesley] You...
Gunn: Woah! That's what "impure" meant?
Cordy: She slept with him?
Bryce: You were supposed to be Angel. This wouldn't have happened. That's why I hired him. He's a eunuch.
Cordelia: You slept with her?
Angel: A eunuch?
Wesley: Things happen. Two young people, danger...
Virginia: What are you talking about?
Bryce: She was a virgin before you got here.
Virginia: I was not a virgin!
Bryce: What?
Wesley: Oh, thank goodness.
Gunn: I could have told you she was no virgin.
Angel: Not a eunuch.
Cordelia: One day as Angel! One day, and he's getting some.
Bryce: What? How could you. I kept you away from all men!
Angel: The curse isn't even all that clear.
Virginia: Daddy, you remember that chauffeur from when I was 16? And the one at 18? I haven't been a virgin for a very long time. I even dated Rick.
[Bryce turns to look at one of the robed guards, who hurriedly and quietly makes his way from the room.]
Bryce: Ginny, don't do this! Don't make me angry!
Virginia: Right. Because then you might do something bad. You were going to kill me! [She punches Bryce, knocking him to the ground.] You are not my father anymore.
Angel: Not a eunuch.

Angel: There's no Wyndam-Pryce agency...

Darla[edit]

Darla: Lindsey. You never talk about yourself, Lindsey. You have a girlfriend? Boyfriend? Someone special?
Lindsey: There's no one.
Darla: You can be with someone for 150 years - think you know them. Still - doesn't work out. Angelus - why, you should have seen us together.
Lindsey: He was a different person then.
Darla: And so was I. Now do you know what we've become?
Lindsey: Enemies?
Darla: Oh no. Much worse. Now we're soulmates. [laughs as Lindsey stares]

[Flashback: Virginia Colony, 1609. The sun is shining on Darla as she is lying in bed. There are two veiled sisters standing at the foot of her bed watching as a doctor takes a leech from her arm.]
Darla: Someone close the shutters. [One of the sisters does so.] Seems wrong that I should die while the sun is still so bright.
[A hooded priest enters the room.]
Priest: You'll not see it again. Before it sets, you will have left this life.
Darla: I didn't ask for a priest. Who invited him here?
Priest: You did. You cried out for me last night in your delirium.
Darla: I don't remember. Do you even know what I am?
Priest: A woman of some property. No husband, no inheritance. Yes. I know what you are.
Darla: I'm a whore.
Priest: Well, yes, that too. You should have asked for a priest long ago, child. Your life may have been the better for it.
Darla: And you should have paid me a visit before today, father. Your life may have been more interesting because of it.
Priest: Are you prepared now to renounce Satan and beg God his forgiveness?
Darla: God never did anything for me.
Priest: [to the others] Leave us.
[The two sisters leave.]
Priest: [To the doctor still sitting at her bedside] You can't save her life - perhaps I can still save her soul.
[The doctor gets up and leaves.]
Darla: My soul is well past saving. Let the devil take me if he'll have me. It doesn't matter. Either way, I die.
Priest: No... [The priest steps closer and pulls his hood back to reveal - The Master] ...you will not die. [Darla looks up at his inhuman face without flinching.] You will be reborn.
Darla: I know you.
[The Master leans down and takes one of Darla's hands in his.]
Master: I came to you last night. I sang to you from that window.
Darla: Hmm, I remember now. You're death?
Master: No.
Darla: What then?
Master: I'm your savior. God never did anything for you - but I will.
[With that he leans down and sinks his fangs into her neck.]

Wesley: Cordelia has a point.
Cordelia: Finally!
Wesley: The last time Darla emerged she wanted to be found. Now she is out there among six million other people.
Cordelia: She could be sitting on top of anybody.
Angel: Come on, guys! We're a detective agency. We investigate things! That's what we're good at!
Cordelia: That's what we suck at. Let's face it - unless there's a website called www.Oh-By-the-way-we-have-Darla-stashed-here.com, we're pretty much out of luck.

Lindsey: Darla?
Darla: Say that again?
Lindsey: I just uh... I said, your name... Darla.
Darla: It sounds so odd, doesn't it?
Lindsey: I don't know what you mean-.
Darla: It wasn't my name when I was human. First time I was human, I mean.
Lindsey: What was your name?
Darla: [without sentiment] I don't remember. I'm not her, whoever she was. I was Darla for so long. And then... I wasn't. I wasn't anything. I just... stopped. He killed me, and I was done. But then you brought me back.
Lindsey: Yes...
Darla: What did you bring back, Lindsey? What am I? Did you bring back that girl, whose name I can't remember?... Or did you bring back something else? The other thing?
Lindsey: Both. Neither. You're just you... whatever that is.
Darla: Why haven't you kissed me? You've been dying for it, haven't you?
Lindsey: I didn't know if you wanted me to...
Darla: Why should that matter? Do you think I ever hesitated when I wanted something? Life's too short. Believe me. I know. Four hundred years, and still too short.
[Lindsey steps forward and kisses her softly.]
Darla: Mmm, that's how humans get what they want. I remember that much.
[Lindsey kisses her again.]
Lindsey: Do you like it?
Darla: It's nice. - But it's not me you want to screw.
[Lindsey pulls back to look at her.]
Lindsey: What?
Darla: It's him. You all think you can use me to get to Angel.
Lindsey: Maybe.
[He kisses her hard, pushing her up against the table.]
Darla: What am I?
Lindsey: I don't know and I don't care.
[They kiss and suddenly Darla bites the side of Lindsey's neck, hard and he pulls away. They break apart.]
Darla: Now do you care?
Lindsey: No.
Darla: That's how vampires get what they want. What am I?
Lindsey: Darla...
Darla: Is that it? Am I Darla?
Lindsey: Yes.
Darla: Careful. Darla would snap you in half. - Is that who I am?
[She pushes away from him and leans her head against the window. Lindsey reaches one hand up to cover the side of his neck.]
Lindsey: I understand what you're going through.
[Darla shakes her head and pushes away from the glass.]
Darla: No. Nobody understands. Nobody can understand. I can feel this body dying, Lindsey. I can feel it decaying moment by moment. It's being eaten away by this thing inside of it. It's a cancer, this soul!

The Master: [talking about Angelus] Angelus? The Latinate for "Angel". It’s marvelous!
Darla: His name would already be a legend in his home village - had he left anyone alive there to tell the tale.
The Master: [caressing Darla's hand] Ah, you had a nice trip. I'm so glad.
Darla: On the way back we cut a bloody swath through South Wales and northern England. He was magnificent.
Angelus: Hmm, Yorkshire men - tough as leather. [The Master and Angelus both laugh at that remark] So, Darla here tells me you're some sort of Master.
Darla: The Master. He commands our order."
The Master: The order of Aurelius. We are the select - the elite.
[Angelus folds his arms and surveys their surroundings.]
Angelus: And you live in the sewers, do you?
[The Master gives Darla's hand a pat and stands up.]
The Master: We live below, giving tribute to the old ones. Awaiting that promised day when we will arise -A rise! - and lay waste to the world above us.
[The Master laughs.]
Angelus: Why'd you want to do that?
The Master: Huh?
Angelus: Well, I mean, have you been above lately? It's quite nice. Me - I could never live in a rat infested stink hole - like this, if you'll pardon me for saying so. I got to have meself a proper bed or I'm a terror. [To Darla] Isn't that right love?
Darla: He's young.
Angelus: And this one, down in the goose feathers, and the finest silks and linens and a view... [Angelus comes around to Darla] ...she's always got to have the view... [leans in close to her] ...don't you, my lamb?.
Darla: We fed very recently. The blood is still hot in his veins.
Angelus: You noticed that, did you?
The Master: We stalk the surface to feed and grow our ranks. We do not live amongst the human pestilence!
Angelus: I'll be honest, you really couldn't with that face, now could you?
Darla: Angelus!
[Angelus laughs and drops into the Masters chair, left leg dangling over one of the armrests and takes a bit of snuff.]
Angelus: It's not stuck like that now is it?
[The Master leans in on him with a growl.]
Darla: The Master has grown past the curse of human features.
Angelus: I'm not gonna get a bat-nose like that, huh? Am I?
The Master: Very few vampires are cunning enough to have lived as long as I have - which you've now... [The Master grabs Angelus by the front of his coat and throws him across the room) ...demonstrated.
[Darla flinches as Angelus slides down the wall. Laughing, he gets back up, and keeps talking to Darla as if the Master wasn't even there.]
Angelus: Naples, you and me Darla. What do you say?
[The Master hits him with a hard right throwing him back against the wall.]
Darla: Angelus...
[Angelus just pushes himself off the wall and goes on as if nothing had happened]
Angelus: This is no place for you - bound to the likes of him.
The Master: You should show... [Master hits Angelus over the head, dropping him to the ground] ...the proper respect.
[Angelus, now on all fours and breathing hard, still ignores the Master and talks only to Darla.]
Angelus: You belong by my side, out in the world, feeding as we like,taking what we need. I'll give you that view you crave, darling. I'll give you everything.
[The Master knocks Angelus over onto his back. Angelus coughs, then laughs again. Lifts his head to look at Darla.]
Angelus: [to Darla] Tell the truth - whose face do you want to look at for eternity? His, or mine?
The Master: You idiot. I made her.
[To the Master's shock, Darla goes to Angelus and helps her lover to his feet.]
The Master: You're leaving with the stallion, aren't you?
[One of the Master's minions tries to block their path, but the Master waves them off and lets the couple leave the hall.]
The Master: No. Let them go. He won't last. I give it a century, tops.

Angel: [reads from a book] Darla, Anglo-Saxon derivation, meaning 'dear one'. Huh, didn't come into common usage until more than a 100 years after she was born. [Closes the book] He must have given it to her. I didn't even know her real name.

Darla: [looking at a dead body] So beautiful. Not a blemish, not a freckle. Perhaps we should have preserved that beauty for eternity?
Angelus: Still, he won't now age.
Darla: No, but he'll rot. Seems a pity.
Drusilla: When I bit into him, I could hear the ocean.
Darla: Of course you could.
Drusilla: I'm full and warm, yet all alone.
Angelus: That's not true, precious. You've got us.
Drusilla: Not in the least. You won't even hurt me just a little bit.
Darla: All you have to do is ask.
Drusilla: No. His head's too full of you, Grandmother.
Darla: Stop calling me that.
Drusilla: Don't be cross. I could be your mummy...
Angelus: Well, if you're lonely, Dru, why don't you make yourself a playmate?
Drusilla: I could! I could pick the wisest and bravest knight in all the land and make him mine forever with a kiss.
William: [walking past] Bloody... watch where you're going!
Darla: Or you could just take the first drooling idiot that comes along.
Angelus: You think she'll find a good one?
[They walk on but Dru keeps looking after William.]
Darla: I found you.

[Darla is standing in front of an elder of the gypsies.]
Darla: You took him from me! You stole him away! You gave him a soul!
Gypsy Man: He must suffer, as all his victims have suffered.
Darla: That is no justice! Whatever pain he caused to your daughter was momentary, over in an instant... or an hour. But what you've done to him will force him to suffer for the rest of eternity! Remove that filthy soul so my boy might return to me!
Dru: Angelus is gone on away. Where is he?
Darla: [grabs a hold of the Gypsy's neck] Drusilla, the camp - go on - kill things!
Dru: He shall be very cross if he finds we had a lovely mass slaughter without him.
Darla: [closes her eyes for a moment] He'll join us soon. Now do as you're told.
Dru: [licks one of her fingers and nods] Okay.
[Walks off.]
Darla: In that wagon is your family. Your wife and daughters will die tonight without my protection. [Strokes the man's cheek] But if you'll do as I say, your family can live.
[Spike, in vamp face, blood on his chin, steps out of the wagon and burps. Darla looks at him.]
Spike: What?
[Darla closes her eyes, turns back to the gypsy and snaps his neck.]
Dru: [swaying by the fire] Pretty music, pretty, pretty music. [Spike comes up to her and she pulls him into her dance] They cry out for mercy. They cry out for mercy.
Darla: Show none.

Cordelia: Angel...
Angel: Cordy, just take a message. [To Wesley] So you think this is a setup?
Wesley: We mustn't rule it out.
Cordelia: Angel!
Angel: Cordy, please, I'm talking.
Cordelia: Hi Darla. He can't talk right now. He'll call you back once he's found you. [Angel runs over to Cordelia reaching for the phone.] Yeah, bye-bye.
[Angel grabs the phone before she can hang it up.]
Angel: Darla?
Darla: My boy. My darling boy...
Angel: Where are you?
Darla: Better question: Where was I? I don't remember anything. It's a great big nothing. Could it be there's no hell?
Angel: There's a hell. A few of them. I've been to one.

Darla: It's been four centuries since I've had to be afraid of anything. And now I'm sick with it.

[A filthy Angel grabs the sides of her face from behind.]
Angel: You're so warm. You just fed.
Darla: You found me.
Angel: You can never resist a religious war and you always talked about China. I just followed the bodies. You never used to be so careless.
Darla: Maybe I wanted to be found.
Angel: Spike and Dru?
Darla: They're here. Probably out in the riots. Maybe starting a new one.
[Angel lets go of her and she spins around, pushes him up against the wall, holding a knife against his throat.]
Darla: I should kill you right now.
Angel: Go ahead.
Darla: Is that why you've come all this way? Too much of a coward to end your own existence, you want me to do it for you? Release that filthy soul?
Angel: If you'd like.
Darla: I can still smell it, you know. And that's not all. You reek of vermin! Is that what you've been living off of?
Angel: [grabs her hand] Come on, huh? This should be nothing for you. Go ahead, Darla. Make sure you cut clear to the bone. Put the blade in the wall. Hmm?
[Darla stares at him for a moment then pulls away from him. She turns away.]
Darla: What do you want?
Angel: A second chance.
Darla: What?
Angel: I want things to be like they were. You and me together Darla. - I miss the view.
Darla: That's impossible.
Angel: It's not impossible.
Darla: You still have a soul.
Angel: I'm still a vampire.
Darla: You're not. Look at you. I don't know what you are anymore.
Angel: You know what I am. You made me. Darla. I'm Angelus.
Darla: Not anymore.
Angel: I can be again. Just give me a chance to prove it to you.
Darla: You almost made me believe you.
Angel: Believe it. We can have the whirlwind back.
Darla: We can do this.
Angel: Yes, we can.
Darla: We can do anything.
Angel: Anything we like.
[They kiss.]

Darla: So, where have you two been?
Drusilla: Can I tell?
Spike: No need to be humble.
Drusilla: My little Spike just killed himself a Slayer.
Darla: [to Angel] Did you hear that?
Angel: [to Spike] Congratulations. I guess that makes you one of us.
Spike: Don't be so glum, eh? The way you tell it, one Slayer snuffs another one rises. I figure, there is a new chosen one getting all chosen even as we speak. I tell you what, when and if this new bird shows up, I'll give you first crack at it!
[Drusilla steps past Angel in the direction of the alley.]
Drusilla: Hmm, I smell fear.
Angel: This whole place reeks of it.
[Spike wraps his arms around Drusilla from behind.]
Drusilla: It's intoxicating.
Angel: Let's get out of here. This rebellion is starting to bore me.
[Darla watches as Angel walks past Drusilla, giggling in Spike's arms, then follows him. Nice, slow motion shot of the four of them walking down the street with the burning buildings and riot all around. Spike steps on a bundle in his path and leaps high into the air. Angel is walking down the street, grim-faced leading the way, with Darla just a step behind him. Spike is carrying Dru in his arms, kissing her. Darla is watching Angel.]

Darla: Where have you been?
Angel: Darla.
Darla: Answer me!
Angel: Just out. Why?
Darla: Feeding?
Angel: Yeah.
Darla: On vermin?
Angel: No.
Darla: Don't lie to me.
Angel: Look I've killed men. You've seen it!
Darla: Rapists and murderers, thieves and scoundrels. Did you think I wouldn't notice? Only evildoers, that's all you hunt now. You swore to me. You said, if I took you back you'd prove yourself.
Angel: And I will.
Darla: Good. [Pulls the blanket of a basket sitting between them, revealing the missionaries' baby] Now is your chance.
[Angel looks down at the baby, shifts restlessly.]
Darla: I went back before dawn. They were still cowering there. Praying to their god for a salvation. They didn't know that their only savior was at the waterfront dining on rats. I won't be made a fool, Angelus. Not by you. Not by anyone.
Angel: I didn't mean...
Darla: While Spike - Spike - was out killing a Slayer you were saving missionaries! From me!
Angel: I'm sorry...
Darla: No. No more words. [She takes a step back and Angel looks down at the baby] Act!

[Darla shakes her hair back and tilts her head, exposing her throat.]
Darla: Do it! Now!
Angel: What?
Darla: Make me what I was again!
Angel: Darla...
Darla: You said you'd help me!
[Angel backs away but she won't let go of him.]
Angel: I will! I want to but not like this.
Darla: Then turn me back! My God! I can't bear this pounding in my chest for another instant!
Angel: It's a gift... to feel that heartbeat. To know, really and for once, that you're alive. You're human again, Darla. Do you know what that means?
Darla: Of course I do. It means pain, and suffering and disease and death! Look, I released you from this world once. I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return the favor.
[Angel backs away and looks at her incredulously.]
Angel: Favor? Is that what you think? You think you did me a favor? You damned me!
Darla: [beat] Fine. Fine then, if it's such a punishment, take out your revenge, pay me back! [Angel just looks at her] Please.
[Angel swallows and shakes his head ever so slightly]
Angel: I can't.
[Darla closes her eyes.]
[China - 1900]
[Angel is looking down at the baby in the basket.]
Darla: What do you mean you can't? You won't!
Angel: I can't seem to be able to uhm, I'm sorry.
Darla: You disgust me.
[Angel grabs a hold of the baby and runs out on Darla, crashing through some glass doors.]
[Hyperion - Present Day]
Angel: Darla, wait!
[Darla stops in front of the doors and spins around to face him.]
Darla: No! Don't look for me again.
[She turns and rushes out the door and a he makes no move to stop her.]

The Shroud of Rahmon[edit]

[Cordelia has dyed her hair black.]
Wesley: What happened to your head?
Cordelia: Excuse me?
Wesley: Your hair. It's.. new. It's great. When did this happen?
Cordelia: Ten days ago.

[Cordelia returns to the hotel with a large red stain on her blouse.]
Angel: Cordelia. What happened?
Cordelia: It's not blood, it's cocktail sauce. Courtesy of Mr. Star Shmoozer here.
Angel: I mean your head. Your hair. It looks.. great. When did this happen?
Wesley: Ten days ago. Pay attention.

Wesley: I even spilled it on her in front of Mr. Fat Chow... Chow.
Cordelia: w:Chow Yun-Fat!
Angel: What? You met Chow Yun-Fat?

Angel: Hey, nice sweater. Where'd you get it, Ed's Big & Spiny?

The Trial[edit]

[Holtz hunts Darla and Angelus across 18th century France.]
Angelus: This is outrageous. Don't those people know who we are?
Darla: I think they do. Which would explain the lynch mob.

Angelus: It's this man, Holtz. How does he keep finding us?
Darla: Well, we stay in the best hotels, order room service, eat the waiters. People talk.

Darla: You know, just because we had a thing for 150 years, don't presume you know me!

Angel: You were undead for four hundred years. You've only been human again for a few months. Why not give it some time?
Darla: I don't have time.
Angel: You do. You've been given a second chance. Don't throw that away before you have the opportunity ...
Darla: I'm dying.
Angel: ... What?
Darla: Yeah. And not "sometime". Not "later." Now. Right now. They showed me the medical files. All the tests say the same thing. I've got about two months, three at the most, so if you'll excuse me, I'm in sort of a hurry.

Wesley: And you believe it's some kind of trick.
Angel: We're talking about Wolfram and Hart! Of course it's a trick. They're trying to play some kind of mind game.
Wesley: To what end?
Angel: I don't know, but we're not gonna take the bait.
Darla: No, you just don't wanna believe it, that's all.
Angel: I don't wanna believe anything from them.
Wesley: It's true. They can't really be trusted.
Darla: I don't trust them. But I know a thing or two about mind games. [to Angel] So do you. We've played them together for over a century.
Cordelia: Yes, but you were just soulless, blood-sucking demons. They're lawyers.
Angel: [to Darla] She's right. We were amateurs.

Cordelia: [to Darla] First up, you're a prisoner.
Wesley: I'd have to concur with that, yes.
Cordelia: See, you've got our friend all in knots.
Wesley: Can't say we like you much.
Cordelia: So, sorry about the dying, but if you try to escape, we will hit you.
Wesley: On the head.
Cordelia: With very large and heavy objects. Okay?

[Darla has just told Angel that she is dying and he has kicked open Lindsey's door to confront him about this.]
Angel: I may not be able to come in, Lindsey, but...
Lindsey: Wipe your feet.
Angel: What?
Lindsey: Wipe your feet. You can come in. Jeez, I invited you in already.

Lindsey: Yes, she's dying. Yes, those medical reports you saw are real. You want a second opinion? [Picks up some files and throws them at Angel] Here. How about a third? Hmm? How about a tenth? I used every connection Wolfram and Hart had. [Points at the file Angel is looking at.] That's my own personal doctor. They all say the same thing: syphilitic heart condition - terminal. [Refills his glass] Looks like our Darla was a working girl in the New World. Syphilis was what she was dying from when she was human. Now she's human again. Kind of picking up where she left off. Of course, today something like that could be cleared up with a few antibiotics if you catch it in time. We're about a month and what? 400 years too late?

Angel: [About Darla] Do you love her, Lindsey? [Lindsey looks down] Is that what this is? Heh! Look at you. A few short months with her and you go all schoolboy. I was with her for 150 years.
Lindsey: But you never loved her.
Angel: I wasn't capable of it and neither are you.
Lindsey: Maybe not. But I'd save her if I could. And you can. And you won't. So you got a choice pal: waste the last two months of her life searching for a cure that doesn't exist, watch her wither away and die...or you can use the only real power you got. You can make this disease go away today if you wanted to.
Angel: By killing her again.
Lindsey: By giving her life! Eternal life.
Angel: And then what, Lindsey? You and her can be together? If I were to do it if I turned her, how long do think it would be before she hunted you down and had you for breakfast? I've got to say, I mean, that thought alone almost makes it worth it. But there is another way, and I'll find it.
[Angel throws the medical files at Lindsey and walks out.]

Cordelia: [About Darla] I'm sorry, but after 400 hundred years of death and destruction, seems to me, you get voted off the island. Am I right?

Angel: We'll find a cure. We'll do something.
Darla: You'll do something! Now, I've been around long enough to know when something is a lost cause. Unless...
Angel: That's exactly what they want us to do, Darla. We'd be playing right into their hands.
Darla: I don't care. I don't wanna die.
Angel: I can't give you what you want.
Darla: It's what I need.
Angel: No, it's not what you need, Darla. Really it's not. I don't know what you need. I wish I did.
Darla: I don't know either.
Angel: No. You do. You're the only one that could. You just can't see it that's all. You need a little help.

Darla: [singing] You're only misleading the sunshine I'm needing. Ain't that a shame? It's so hard to keep up with troubles that creep up from out of nowhere when love...
Angel: Aren't you supposed to be reading her?
Lorne: I'm a channel surfer. Look, you're a big hunk of hero sandwich. You wanna save the girl. I can see why. But you're missing the crucial point here. Things fall apart. Not everything can be put back together, no matter how much you want it.
Angel: She's not gonna die.
Lorne: Why do you care so much? She had more than most of us, already 400 plus years.
Angel: As a vampire. Before that she was... She... She never had a chance.
[Darla finishes her song to big applause.]
Lorne: Someone get my heart. That girl's ripped it right out.

Angel: What is this?
Jeeves: I think you know, sir.
[Angel, breathing hard, is staring at the stakes. Darla, breathing hard, closes her eyes.]
Angel: Stakes? You call this [starts coughing] a test? The only way this can work is you kill me, huh?
Jeeves: Exactly. You do understand, this third test has no catch, as you will find out it. Death is the final challenge. We can't restore one life without taking another. You see? In order for Darla to live, you must die.

[Angel stares at the stakes.]
Angel: What are you waiting for?
Jeeves: For you, sir. I can't proceed without your permission. You've earned a choice. Accept your death so she may live or...
Angel: Or what?!
Jeeves: Leave. Refuse the challenge and walk away. No one will stop you. Our doors are all open to you. You've done that yourself.
Angel: What about Darla?
Jeeves: Oh, she dies.
Angel: No deal.
Jeeves: I expected as much. A pity. I'm beginning to like you.
Angel: Spare me.
Jeeves: I'd very much like to. [Steps closer.] Do you mind if I ask you a question? Isn't the world a better place with you in it? You can save so many people. It seems she can barely save herself.
[Angel doesn't answer. Darla has a tear in her eye.]
Jeeves: You know better than anyone the world can be a very bad place. Take yourself out, put her in - how long will it be before she stumbles, before she falls?
Angel: I don't know.
Jeeves: No, you don't. Are you still ready to give her life when she can promise you - nothing?
Angel: Yes.
[Darla licks her lips and swallows.]
Jeeves: As you wish.
Darla: No.
[Angel takes a deep breath.]
Angel: Do it.

[Jeeves releases the stakes and they hurtle towards Angel.]
Darla: Noooooooooooooooo!
[She squirms, her eyes closed. She opens them to see Angel in front of her, once again fully dressed but panting, hunched over, barely able to stand.]
Darla: Angel!
Jeeves: Congratulations. You've passed the third test by accepting death. I'm told no one's ever gone that far before in terms of sacrifice. Kudos.
Angel: Pay up.
Jeeves: Of course. [To Darla] You're a lucky woman, and soon you'll have your whole life ahead. Use it wisely.
Angel: Hey, Jeeves, unless this fortune cookie crap is some new kind of torture, what you say we get on with it, huh?"
Jeeves: This way, miss.
[He puts his hands on the sides of her head and they both close their eyes as Angel tries to straighten up so he can get a better view. Jeeves opens his eyes and lets his hands drop.]
Jeeves: Oh!
Darla: What?
Angel: What is it?
Jeeves: This is very embarrassing.
Angel: What is?
Jeeves: Not to mention unprecedented. She's...she's been given new life once before by supernatural means, yes?"
Darla: They brought me back.
Angel: What are you saying?
Jeeves: I can't help you.
Angel: We had a bargain. She's earned a second chance.
Jeeves: She's living her second chance. [The wall shivers and a set of stairs leading up appears.] But you played the game magnificently. [Angel gives him a dark look and Jeeves adjusts his cuffs.] Perhaps you should have told us that she was brought to life before this all started. I truly am sorry, sir. The fact of the matter is... [Steps back and dissolves ...there is nothing I can do.
[Angel doesn't move.]
Darla: Angel...
[Angel reacts angrily.]

[Angel and Darla are sitting in her dingy motel room, Darla on the bed, Angel on a chair by the door.]
Angel: Maybe it would be different. We don't know. Maybe, uh... because, you know, I have a soul if...if I did bite you...
Darla: No!
Angel: We don't know what it would do to you.
Darla: Angel, I've seen it now. Everything you're going through, everything you've gone through. I felt it. I felt how you care. The way no one's ever cared before. Not for me. [Gives him a tiny smile] That's all I need from you.
Angel: That's not enough.
Darla: It is.
Angel: How could the Powers allow you to be brought back, dangle a second chance and take it away like this?
Darla: Maybe this is my second chance.
Angel: To die?
Darla: Yes. To die. The way I was supposed to die in the first place.
[They look at each other for a moment before Darla turns away drawing a shaky breath. Angel gets up and, still limping slightly, goes to sit next to her.]
Angel: I'm not gonna leave you.
[Darla looks at him trying not to cry.]
Angel: Every moment you have left I'm gonna be by your side. You're never gonna be alone again."
[He drapes his, still burned looking, right hand around her shoulder and pulls her close as she begins to cry.]

[Four black-clad commandos break into Darla's motel room, taser Angel nearly senseless, and hold Darla.]
Lindsey: [brutally yanks back Angel's head] How did you think this would end?
[Drusilla glides gracefully into the room towards Darla, who quickly realizes her intention and tries to resist but to no avail. Drusilla vamps and bites Darla, then completes the siring by drawing her own blood for Darla to drink in turn. Silent and immobile, Angel watches in agony as Darla's precious, newly-saved soul is lost forever.]

Reunion[edit]

Gunn: Okay, I'm still tryin' to get this family tree straight. Darla sired Angel.
Wesley: Correct.
Gunn: And Angel sired this Drusilla.
Wesley: Back when he and Darla were together, yes.
Gunn: But, before Angel got his soul back, right?
Wesley: Certainly.
Gunn: Now these lawyers, they brought Darla back as human. Now this Drusilla vamp goes and bites Darla?
Wesley: So it would seem.
Gunn: Making her a vampire again.
Wesley: That's the cosmological upshot, yes. Darla's human self has died, and some time before dawn, unless Angel can stop it, she will rise again, a soulless demon.
Gunn: So that means...
Wesley: Clock is ticking.
Gunn: No, no, what I'm sayin' is, that means the granddaughter remade the grandmother.
Wesley: Oh. Yes.
Gunn: Man, somehow that weirds me out more than the whole blood-suckin' thing.

Drusilla: I saw you coming, my lovely. The moon showed me. It told me to come into the twentieth century.
Angel: It's the twenty-first century, Dru.
Drusilla: Hmm, I'm still lagging.

[Drusilla prepares a sleeping Darla for her rebirth as a vampire.]
Drusilla: [sings] Run and catch, run and catch, the lamb is caught in the blackberry patch.

[Darla and Drusilla are heading down a crowed sidewalk with Darla tossing Dru around.]
Drusilla: Did I do something to displease you?
[Darla tosses Drusilla on the sidewalk. A guy tries to help Drusilla up, but Darla tosses him aside, then grabs a hold of Drusilla and tosses her over a parked car onto the road. Drusilla stands up, only to get hit by a honking car. Drusilla rolls down the street a ways and a blonde woman gets out of the car and hurries towards her as Drusilla slowly gets back up. The woman takes one look at Drusilla and runs off as Darla comes and slams Dru down on the hood of the car.]
Drusilla: Grandmother, what?
[Darla hits her, making her stumble into the path of another car that manages to swerve around her, tires screeching. Darla grabs a hold of Drusilla again.]
Drusilla: Don't be angry.
[Darla slams her up against the side of the car.]
Darla: Why?
Drusilla: For you. All for you. I thought it was what you wanted. To be saved.
[Darla looks at Drusilla and slowly takes a step back, letting her hands drop from Drusilla's shoulders.]
Drusilla: [in tears] All alone. All alone in the dirt. We've lost our way and the little worm won't dance if he's told to. [Starts to sob.] No. No.
[Darla pushes Drusilla's hair out of her face, then slowly takes her in her arms to comfort her, softly stroking her hair and letting Dru cry. A man gets out of his pickup.]
Man: You two wanna move it out of the street?
[Drusilla and Darla turn to look at him, pulling slightly apart.]
Man: Yeah, that's right, sweetheart. Why don't you and your girlfriend take the make-out session on home.
[Darla walks up to him.]
Man: The rest of us have lives.
[Darla looks him up and down, shakes her head and vamps.]
Darla: Not for long.
[She grabs him and feeds, drops him to the ground and turns back to Drusilla with a smile, back in human face.]
Drusilla: You're all new again.
[Drusilla touches Darla's nose.]
Darla: Let's go shopping, hmm?
[She takes a hold of Drusilla's hand and the two of them walk off down the road, giggling.]

Cordelia: Hitting the pause button- Wolfram & Hart? As in, vampire detectors, crack security system and armed guards? Good plan, General Custer!

Angel: I can crush the life out of you before they even lift a finger.
Holland: Oh, I'm sure you can. Just as sure as I am that you won't.
Angel: Won't I?
Holland: You don't kill humans.
Angel: You don't qualify. You set things in motion, play your little games up here in your glass and chrome tower, and people die. Innocent people.
Holland: And yet I just can't seem to care. But you do. And while you're making threats, wasting time, crashing through windows, your girls are out painting the town red, red, red.

Drusilla: Ooh. I'm ringing. - Do you hear it? I'm ringing all over! [Darla grabs the phone from Drusilla's cleavage] Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.

Holland: Ladies. How...?
Darla: Your wife was kind enough to invite us in, Holland.
Holland: Ah.
Drusilla: Very sweet, she was. Like clover. [licking blood off her lips]
Drusilla: And honey.
Darla: Just think of it as our way of giving you what you want.
Holland: What would I...?
Darla: I believe you said something about...[Darla and Drusilla change faces]...a massacre.

Drusilla: You have beautiful skin.
Lilah: I moisturize.
Drusilla: That was very thoughtful of you.
[Darla steps up close to Holland]
Darla: You brought me back as human, a dying one at that, let me wallow with a soul, then sent me crawling back to Angel, begging him to restore me.
Holland: Which he should have done right away. But I miscalculated, I - I thought he cared more than he did.
Darla: Like you do.
[Darla giggles.]
Drusilla: Grandmum won't eat [lifts both hands up besides her head and opens and closes them a couple of times] the double speak."
Darla: No. No, she won't eat that.

Drusilla: I hear the sirens. They don't know if the world will be there in the morning.
Lilah: Do you hear the sirens? Are-are the police coming?
Lindsey: [Shakes his head.] No. She senses what this place was built for.
Holland: Ah, yes. Drusilla, you're quite right. This was originally a bomb shelter in the fifties. We had it converted. Wine has always been my passion.
[Darla giggles.]
Drusilla: People huddled together, crouching in fear.
Holland: Yes, yes. I imagine that's what it would have been like in a war.
Darla: No. Now. She means now.
Holland: Aha. [chuckles] I guess I stepped into that one. Listen Darla, I am sorry that you had to suffer, but look at what's come out of it. You've been restored. You're a superior being. You can have anything you want. And there's not a person in this room who won't work round the clock to see that you get it.
Darla: Gung ho, are they? Because all I'm sensing right now is big, stinky, fear. [smiles in Holland's face, then turns to Lindsey] But not from you. [walks over to him] Do you know what I'm getting from you, Lindsey? [leans in close to his neck as if to bite him, then pulls back] Nothing. Why aren't you afraid?
Lindsey: I don't know.
Darla: You could die here. Chances are you will.
Lindsey: I know.
Darla: And you don't care.
Lindsey: I care. I guess I just don't mind.
Holland: No one's going to die here. This is just a friendly get-together amongst colleagues. [Dru is dancing around Holland's back] We're all on the same side.
Darla: I love this room. Dru, honey, in our new digs we have to put in a people cellar.
[Holland smiles, but the smile fades quickly.]

[Angel arrives as Darla and Drusilla prepare to massacre a Wolfram & Hart office party]
Darla: Angelus- here for the tasting?
Drusilla: Look what we have for you. Oh- it's not Daddy. It's never Daddy. It's the Angel-beast.
Darla: Come to punish us?
Drusilla: Yeah, yeah. [lifts her hands as if they were tied above her head] Spank us till Tuesday. [growls] We promise to be bad if you do.
Holland: Angel....
Angel: [to Darla] I'm sorry I didn't get to you in time.
Darla: I'm not.
Drusilla: [caressing the side of her face] He's soul-sick. Not even thinking about his own family. [pulls one of the men over by his hair] Only thinking about them.
Darla: Come on, love. I never did get that good-bye kiss.
Angel: You will. But not tonight.
Lilah: For God's sake, help us!
Holland: Angel, please. People are going to die.
Angel: And yet, somehow, I just can't seem to care.
[Holland watches wide-eyed as Angel shuts the double doors on them; Darla turns to caress Holland with a big smile on her face]
Holland: Angel? P-please we can negotiate. We...
[Angel slides the lock on the door shut]
Drusilla: Daddy?
[Lindsey has a slight smile creasing his face. Darla pulls Holland down and bites him. Angel unhurriedly walks up the steps from the cellar, ignoring the screams and sounds of fighting coming from the cellar.]

Wesley: And you just walked away?
Angel: No, I walked to my car and then I drove away.
Gunn: You didn't do anything?
Wesley: You allowed Darla and Drusilla to have free reign.
Angel: I didn't bring either one of them into this. They did.
Wesley: You could have stopped them.
Angel: And I will.
Cordelia: When? After they've finished off all the people you don't like?
Wesley: Angel, while it's certainly true that these lawyers brought this on themselves, what you did is...
Cordelia: ...is wrong.
Gunn: You went too far.
Wesley: We've all been worried about you, and I guess it's fair to say we all share some of the blame. We should have spoken up sooner.
Gunn: And louder.
Cordelia: You have to change the way you've been doing things. Don't you see where this is taking you?
Wesley: Listen to her! Right now the three of us are all that's standing between you and real darkness.
Gunn: Best believe that, man.
Angel: I do. You're all fired.
[Angel gets up and walks away while the other three sit there like frozen statues.]

Redefinition[edit]

[Angel has just fired Cordelia, Gunn and Wesley]
Cordelia: What just happened? Can someone explain to me what just happened here?
Wesley: I believe we were fired.
Gunn: Canned.
Wesley: Let go.
Gunn: Axed.
Wesley: Shown the door.
Gunn: Booted.
Cordelia: All right! I get it. But... what just... happened?

Cordelia: One thing you can say about Angel: at least he's consistent! It's always some little blonde driving him over the edge! [sighs] What are we supposed to do now?
Gunn: I think I'll grab a burrito before I head home. [Wesley and Cordelia stare at him.] What?
Wesley: No, no, by all means, if you're hungry.
Gunn: Hey, this was just a side gig for me, all right? The extra cash was nice while it lasted but - [shrugs] Angel wants to go all commando? No skin off my nose.
Cordelia: Well my nose skin is angry. And hurt. And ...
Wesley: ... disappointed?
[Cordelia nods.]

Lilah: Oh, what's wrong, Lindsey? You bitter because your girlfriend didn't slit my throat?
Lindsey: That might be overstating it. More like bummed.

Gunn: Hey, I got a rep to maintain, all right? I can't have y'all seeing through my brusque and macho exterior.
Cordelia: Oh, heavens forbid!

Wesley: Well, how is the man supposed to run a business if his employees won't follow directives?
Gunn: Well, was one of his directives, "Hire pansy-ass British guys"?
Wesley: My arse is not pansy.
[...]
Wesley: Hypocrite!
Cordelia: Ass-pansy!

Lindsey: Lilah. Something happened?
Lilah: I can't do it anymore, Lindsey.
[Lilah slowly walks in. Lindsey drops his stuff and closes the door.]
Lindsey: Do what?
Lilah: The waiting. I'm sitting in my office and every time there is a noise or the phone rings... One of us is gonna die, Lindsey.
Lindsey: Everybody dies, Lilah.
Lilah: But not everybody ends up in a dog-food processing plant in San Pedro.
Lindsey: May not happen to you, Lilah. You got a fifty-fifty chance of surviving this thing, just like me.
Lilah: That's not good enough. There is a way out of this.
Lindsey: How?
Lilah: We don't wait for them to choose one of us, we choose each other instead. If we stick together we can beat them. We could leave, you and me, tonight. They'd have no choice...
Lindsey: No choice but to hunt us down, which they would.
Lilah: No. Not if we took files, as insurance.
Lindsey: Take files?
Lilah: Yes. Look. I've heard the rumors. We both know that it worked for you once before. You knew just what to take. And this time you won't have to assume any of the risk. You just tell me which files to steal and I'll get them. And then we can get out of here. End this mess together. Are you in?
[Lindsey strokes the side of Lilah's face and leans in as if to kiss her, while his hand slips down into her blouse and pulls out a wire.]
Lindsey: [speaking into the tiny microphone] But Lilah, I would never steal files from my employer. I'm shocked at the suggestion. [With a snort of laughter he retrieves his jacket, portfolio and keys.] Forget about the frame job, sweetheart. They're gonna kill who they're gonna kill. [Opens the door.] Just take it like a man.
[Lindsey blows her a kiss and leaves.]

Drusilla: Ten little soldiers, all in a line. A shot rings out... [slaps her hands together to make the sound of a shot] ...down to nine.
Darla: Ten? I'd be happy if we could find three who can hack it.
[Darla slides the door open and they walk in to see the floor littered with demon corpses and severed limbs and a pile of dust between them.]
Drusilla: Dead already? Bad soldiers!
[Darla looks around and sees Angel leaning against the hood of a dusty car, smoking a cigarette.]
Darla: [with a slight smile] I should have known.
Drusilla: [shakes her head] A shadow.
[Drusilla lifts her hand as if she is trying to wipe away a cobweb in front of her face, never taking her eyes off Angel.]
Darla: Why so far away, my love? Why don't you come over here and... stake me? [No reaction from Angel] Angel? [Angel, looking pretty beat up, continues to smoke his cigarette.] Angelus?
[Angel throws down his cigarette butt. It ignites a trail of gasoline. Darla and Drusilla look down at the flames, see them racing towards them in slow motion, and ignite the puddle of gasoline they're standing in. They scream as they begin to burn. Angel turns around to pick up his bag of weapons, revealing a can of gasoline sitting on the hood behind him, and walks out without looking back. Darla picks up a sledgehammer, leaning next to the door, runs outside and knocks the top of a fire hydrant off. She and Dru stand under the spray of water, letting it extinguish the flames, then sink down to sit on the edge of the sidewalk under it, with Darla holding Dru.]
Drusilla: I'm burning. Make it stop, please.
Darla: Shh. Shh. That wasn't Angel.
Drusilla: He's gone. He's all gone. Oh, it hurts! It hurts!
Darla: Wasn't Angelus either.
Drusilla: Darla, help me. Help me, please! Please. Please.
Darla: Who was that?

Lilah: Heard about the fire?
Lindsey: They're still alive.
Lilah: Undead.
Lindsey: Whatever.
Lilah: Heard it was Angel.
Lindsey: So?
Lilah: Killed a dozen demons, lit up Darla and Drusilla like a Christmas tree.
Lindsey: What is your point Lilah?
Lilah: Little grimmer than usual, don't you think?
Lindsey: Holland's vision lives on.
Lilah: Screw his vision. Anybody's going down in here, it's gonna be you.
Lindsey: If that's what it takes.

Hunt: [To Lilah and Lindsey] Sit down. I suppose you know why you're here. The Senior Partners have decided that this should be a time of grief and reflection. We will never be able to replace Holland Manners. He was a man of extraordinary talents. The bottom line is this leaves us with an opening in our roster. We need an executive vice-president of Special Projects. Mr. McDonald, your conduct with this firm had proved spotty at best. You've stolen files, co-operated with our enemy, disobeyed orders time and again. Mrs. Morgan...when you drove away the telekinetic Bethany Chaulk, you lost for us a powerful potential assassin. Not to mention the fact that both of you have been extremely negligent about informing us of visits from certain ladies who, lest we forget, ate the majority of our contracts department. The truth is that neither one of you are particularly qualified to run the special projects division. As for your relationship to one another: your competition has been vicious, destructive and...healthy. We think you keep each other on your toes. Which is why we have decided to appoint you both as joint acting co-vice-presidents until such time as we see fit to...narrow it down. Congratulations. This is a big step. The Senior Partners will be watching you.

Blood Money[edit]

[Angel pays Lilah a visit in her car.]
Angel: Lilah. I just had to drop by and congratulate you on your big promotion. Co-vice president of the special projects. Wow. That's super. You deserve it. Yeah. That and.. so much more.
Lilah: Angel...
Angel: But you know what the real special part is? To think that maybe in a small way I helped make it happen for you. Makes me feel all good inside.

Lindsey: How-how do you expect us to succeed when you handcuff us with these idiotic rules protecting Angel?
[Lilah casually edges a couple of steps away from Lindsey.]
Nathan: I'm sorry. Did you say something?
Lindsey: Angel is an obstacle to everything that we do. Give me one good reason why we can't just kill him!
[Nathan steps up close to Lindsey.]
Nathan: Because Angel is a major player.
Lilah: In business?
Nathan: In the apocalypse.
Lilah: Oh. That.
Nathan: The prophecies all agree that when the final battle is waged, he plays a key role.
Lindsey: Good for him.
Nathan: Which side he's on is the gray area, and we're gonna continue making it as gray as possible.
Lilah: Works for me.
Nathan: Until then, his growing obsession with the two of you, the increasing possibility that to scratch that itch, he'll go so far as to kill you... Well, that could actually play in the firm's favor.
[Lilah stares at him with a frown.]
Nathan:It would be a sign that Angel is on the path to joining our team. And as hard as it is to lose good attorneys, well the truth is - you are both expendable.
[Smiles at them, then turns dead serious.]
Nathan:Angel isn't.

[Anne has just received a large donation of money from Angel, some of which is stained]
Anne: What's this?
Angel: Blood.
[beat]
Anne: It'll wash.

Happy Anniversary[edit]

[Angel is roused from bed by someone belting out "The Star-Spangled Banner".]
Angel: Is there a reason you're here?
Lorne : There is. What's today, Thursday? Tomorrow night the world's gonna end. Thought you might wanna know.

[Wesley, Cordelia, and Gunn are huddled miserably in their derelict new office.]
Virginia: [entering with a basket] Hey, Wow! This place is great. I brought champagne. You guys must be so excited... [takes in their looks] in that really dry, suicidal way.
Wesley: [kisses her] Sorry, sweetheart. You just caught us in a moment of ... well ...
Cordelia: Reality.
Virginia: Oh, that. I avoid that.
Gunn: How do you avoid reality?
Virginia: Money. It cures everything but boredom. [holds up basket] And food cures boredom, so there you go. Imported chips and packets of cheese.
Gunn: Thanks.
Wesley: We'll enjoy them huddled around our pathetic candles.
Cordelia: We'll make pathetic nachos.
Virginia: You guys are really down.
Gunn: Yeah. And don't try to tell us there's no way to go but up, 'cause the truth is, there's always more down.

Gene Rainey: In Newton's world, space and time are separate entities. In Einstein's, they're entwined.
Val: "Einstein's — entwined." Can you say that ten times, really fast?

[Karaoke is Angel's only clue about the potential world-destroyer.]
Angel: Seventeen karaoke bars... you know, I need to lie down and scrub out the inside of my head.

[Lorne was telling Angel what he saw in the future of Gene Rainey, the physicist, when Gene was singing.]
Lorne : The most remarkable thing about him was that there was absolutely nothing remarkable about him at all.

Lorne : It's like a song, now I can hold a note for a long time, actually I can hold a note forever. But eventually that's just noise. It's the change we're listening for. The note coming after and the one after that, that's what makes it music.

The Thin Dead Line[edit]

Gunn: All right, here's the plan. I want y'all to roll the camera and wait for the cops to start hassling us.
Anne: How do you know they will?
Gunn: 'Cause we'll be the ones walking while black!

Reprise[edit]

Angel: What is 'it' and how do I stop it?
Lorne: I don't know and you don't.
Angel: Can it be killed?
Lorne: Most anything that can manifest in order to move in this dimension can be killed. Kinda the down side of being here. That and the so-called 'musicals' of Andrew Lloyd Webber. (With a sigh) The band of Blacknil. Don't ask me what it means. I don't know. I shouldn't even be giving you that much.

Cordelia: I don't even know what you are anymore.
Angel: I'm a vampire. Look it up!

Holland Manners: Congratulations. Great victory.
Angel: You're...
Holland: Holland Manners.
Angel: ...not alive.
Holland: Oh, no. I'm quite dead. [shows Angel the bite mark Darla left on his neck] Unfortunately my contract with Wolfram & Hart extends well beyond that. [smiles] Hop on in. You certainly earned it.
[Angel enters the elevator]
Holland: Well, this is exciting, isn't it? Going straight to the source. So what's the big plan, Angel? Destroy the Senior Partners, smash Wolfram & Hart once and for all?
Angel: Something like that.
Holland: Hmm, now tell me just what do you think that would accomplish? In the end, I mean.
Angel: It'll be–the end.
Holland: Well, the end of you, certainly. But I meant in the larger sense.
Angel: In the larger sense, I really don't give a crap.
Holland: Now, I don't think that's true. Be honest–you got the tiniest bit of "give a crap" left. Otherwise you wouldn't be going on this kamikaze mission. Now let me see, there was something in a sacred prophecy, some oblique reference to you. Something you're supposed to prevent. Now what was that?
Angel: The apocalypse.
Holland: Yes, the apocalypse, of course. Another one of those. Well, it's true, we do have one scheduled. And I imagine if you were to prevent it you would save a great many people. Well, you should do that then. Absolutely! I wasn't thinking. [smiles] Of course, all those people you save from that apocalypse would then have the next one to look forward to, but hey, it's always something, isn't it?
Angel: You're not gonna win.
Holland: Well...no. Of course we aren't. We have no intention of doing anything so prosaic as "winning". [laughs]
Angel: Then why?
Holland: Hmm? I'm sorry, why what?
Angel: Why fight?
Holland: That's really the question you should be asking yourself, isn't it? See, for us, there is no fight. Which is why winning doesn't enter into it. We...go on, no matter what. Our firm has always been here...in one form or another. The Inquisition. The Khmer Rouge. We were there when the very first cave man clubbed his neighbor. See, we're in the hearts and minds of every single living being. And that, friend, is what's making things so difficult for you. See, the world doesn't work in spite of evil, Angel. It works with us. It works because of us.
[elevator comes to a stop and the doors open, revealing Los Angeles]
Holland: Welcome to the home office.
Angel: This isn't...
Holland: Oh, you know it is. You know that better than anyone. Things you've seen. Things you've–well, done. You see, if there wasn't evil in every single one of them out there–why, they wouldn't be people. They'd all be angels.
[Angel slowly walks out of the elevator]
Holland: Have a nice day.

Angel: What do you want, Darla?
[Holds up the ring and looks over his shoulder.]
Angel: You want this?
[He drops the ring on the floor and Darla hurries over to pick it up. Before she can, Angel grabs her arm and sends her stumbling towards the wall.]
Angel: Or maybe what you really want is this!
[Pushes her up against the wall and gently brushes the hair back from her face.]
Angel: That may be what you really want, isn't it?
[Kisses her softly, then, when she doesn't react, a little harder. Darla pushes him away.]
Darla: Don't play games with me.
Angel: I'm not playing. I just wanna feel something besides the cold.
[Pushes her back onto a table, lowers himself on top of her and kisses her again. Darla reaches up and pushes his jacket off his shoulders, kissing him back. Angel strips off his jacket with her help, still kissing her. Suddenly Darla begins to laugh and Angel pulls back the same time she pushes him and gets up.]
Angel: Why're you laughing?
[Darla continues to laugh, not answering him, and Angel hits her, sending her crashing through the glass doors leading to his bedroom. Angel slowly walks after her as she rolls over and looks up at him.]
Angel: Don't you feel the cold?
[Angel grabs her by the shoulders and pulls her up.]
Darla: What're you doing?
Angel: It doesn't matter.
[Strokes the side of her face.]
Angel: None of it matters.
[He kisses her again and she responds. They fall back onto the bed and strip off each other's clothes.]

Epiphany[edit]

Angel: Oh, God.
Darla: Don't fight it, my love. Just let it happen. It'll only hurt for a minute.
Angel: Oh, God. Oh, God.
Darla: Yes. Yes, I know. It was the same for me. The soul is gone, but it leaves a bitterness. It'll pass. What you need is a fresh kill. Hot human blood will wash away the foul memory of it. I promise. What? What is it?
Angel: You saved me.
Darla: Yes. But I was going to kill you tonight. Take you out of this world, the same way I brought you into it. But I didn't have to. You gave yourself over so completely, Angelus. I felt you surrender.
Angel: I gave you everything I had left.
Darla: Yes.
Angel: I'm so sorry.
Darla: You don't have to be.
Angel: But I am. I am sorry.
Darla: What?
Angel: I'm sorry Darla.
Darla: [Realizes] No!
Angel: You saved me. Sorry I couldn't do the same for you.
Darla: Let go of me! You still have a soul!

Angel: [To Darla] Get dressed and get out! Because the next time I see you, I will kill you.

Lindsey: Darla... I've been calling here all night. Why haven't you answered? [He drops his stuff and walks over to the window drawing the curtains closed.] Get away from the window. It's not safe. [Stands close behind her.] They called an emergency meeting tonight after what happened. The official order on you is to stake on sight. [Darla walks past him. Sits down on a chair and looks at something in her hands.] You should have told me what you had planned. I would have talked you out of it helped you. I don't know. [He closes the rest of the curtains, walks over to Darla.] Things are getting complicated for us now.
Darla: Yes. Yes, I believe they are.
Lindsey: We should probably clear your stuff out of here. Move in my bedroom. I just think it'd be best for us... [Darla is still looking at her hands, twisting the big ring Angel killed the Senior Partner for between her fingers.] Darla, what's wrong? [Sees the ring.] What is this? [Takes it from her.] Where did you get this?
Darla: What's the difference? Doesn't work anyway.
Lindsey: No, of course it doesn't work, because after Angel stole it there was a disenchanting ceremony. It took half the meeting. How did you get this?
Darla: It was my payment.
Lindsey: Your payment? What are you talking about?
Darla: What do you think I'm talking about, Lindsey?
Lindsey: I don't know! [She just looks at him and after a beat he turns away. Stares down at the ring then back at her with a frown.] What happened?
Darla: Nothing. Nothing happened. My god, nothing at all.
Lindsey: Tell me. I have to know.
Darla: You want details, Lindsey? Is that what you want?
Lindsey: Yes. I want details. I need to know everything. All of it. What did he do to you?

[There's a knock at Lorne's door.]
Lorne: Jeez, keep your pants on! [opens to reveal Angel, who just had sex with Darla] Well, I see we're a little late with that advice.

Gunn: Where's Cordy?
Wesley: We don't know. Not here.
Gunn: You check her pad?
Angel: I stopped by there earlier.
Gunn: You enjoying your visit to 1973? I meant her message pad.
Angel: Oh right, that's a good idea. [Picks up a pencil] Oh, here. Use this you can make a rubbing of the impressions she left, see what the last thing was that she wrote.
Gunn: Or we could just read the carbon.
Angel: [Drops the pencil] Or you can do that.

Angel: Guys, guys. Does it make sense that she would go there in the middle of the night, without calling either one of you?
Wesley and Gunn: They owe us money.
Angel: Let's go.

Gunn: So you had an epiphany, did you?
Angel: Yeah.
Gunn: So ... what? You just wake up, and 'bang'?
Angel: Sort of the other way around.

Kate: I feel like such an idiot.
Angel: A lot of that going around.
Kate: I just couldn't ... My whole life has been about being a cop. If I'm not a part of the force, it's like nothing I do means anything.
Angel: It doesn't.
Kate: Doesn't what?
Angel: Mean anything. In the greater scheme, in the big picture, nothing we do matters. There's no grand plan, no big win.
Kate: You seem kind of chipper about that.
Angel: Well ... I guess I kind of worked it out. If there's no great glorious end to all this, if ... nothing we do matters ... then all that matters is what we do. 'Cause that's all there is. What we do. Now. Today. I fought for so long for redemption, for a reward, finally, just to beat the other guy. But I never got it.
Kate: Now you do?
Angel: Not all of it. All I want to do is help. I want to help because I don't think people should suffer as they do, because if there's no bigger meaning, then the smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world.
Kate: Yikes. Sounds like you've had an epiphany.
Angel: That's what I keep saying, but nobody's listening.

Disharmony[edit]

Angel: Man, atonement's a bitch.

Willow: [on the phone to Cordelia] Okay, we are clear on the fact that Harmony's a vampire, right?
Cordelia: Ohhh! Harmony's a vampire! That's why she- Oh my God, I'm so embarrassed. All this time I thought she was a great big lesbo. [Pauses, most likely listening to Willow's news that she is in a relationship with a girl] Oh... good for you then.

Wesley: Well, I'm unaware of any red bird statuary in downtown Los Angeles, so unless you are I suggest.. [Harmony pops another bubble] *someone* put a *stake* through that woman's heart if she persists in popping her bloody chewing gum!
Cordelia: Harmony, do me a favor, lose the gum.
Harmony: Okay, okay! Sorry. I thought it would help with the cravings.
[Rips a page out of the book Wesley was looking at earlier and spits her gum into it.]
Harmony: I mean, you'd think I'd get a thank you for not biting any of you.
[Wesley snatches the crumpled page from her.]
Wesley: *What* are you doing!?! This book is twelve centuries old!
Harmony: Okay. So it's not like I messed up a new one.

[Angel pours Harmony some blood.]
Angel: Here we go. That's it. Drink up.
Harmony: Eww! Yech! It tastes funky.
Angel: It's pig's blood.
Harmony: Ugh, well, that's gonna go straight to my hips. [Sighs] How do you stand this?
Angel: You get used to it.
Harmony: I mean how do you stand everything? Being what you are, how can you deprive yourself of the taste? The sensation of rich, warm, human blood flowing into your mouth, bathing your tongue, caressing your throat with its sweet, sticky...
[Harmony's word picture is taking Angel to happy place.]
Gunn: [entering] I'm back!
Angel: Me too.

Cordelia: Come on, Harm.
Wesley: Such a fitting nickname.

Wesley: Time and space. Those are the only solutions in a situation like this. And as long as we understand that, the healing process...
[Cordelia screams in the next room. She comes in holding clothes, ecstatically happy.]
Cordelia: Oh my God! These are gorgeous! You have the most amazing taste, like a gay man's taste and thats saying a lot. I love them so much! [hugs and kisses Angel] Thank you, thank you, you're the best. I have to go try these on. La la la! [Jumping with happiness] New clothes. I have new clothes.
Angel: [To an annoyed Wesley] I got her new clothes.

Dead End[edit]

Lilah: Could you stab me in the back a little deeper? I still have feeling in my legs.

Angel: Keep the change.
Delivery Man: Wow, a whole dollar just for me. I'm the luckiest delivery man ever.

Gunn: We're at a dead end.
Wesley: I thought we had more than that.
Angel: There's only one thing we can do now.
Cordelia: Oh, God. Oh no.
Wesley: The karaoke bar.
Gunn: Angel's gonna sing?
Cordelia: Isn't there some other way?
Wesley: There has to be. Think, dammit!
Angel: Hey! Wha ...

Angel: What is that? Rock? Country? Ballad? Pick a style, pal.
Wesley: Shh.
Lorne: Angel cakes! Don't make me ask you to leave.

Lindsey: Look, I need help.
Angel: I'll say. You might want to start with his singing. [Laughs.]
[Cordelia slaps the back of her hand against Angel's chest and steps up to Lindsey.]
Cordelia: Hi. You probably don't remember me. Cordelia. I know you're evil - and everything, but that was just so amazing.
Gunn: That was kind of tight.
Wesley: Terrific, really.
Angel: Is everyone drunk?

Lindsey: What are you doing here?
Angel: Gee, I don't know, saving your life.
Lindsey: I don't need you to save my life.
Angel: Gee, a little gratitude, Lindsey, goes a long way.
Lindsey: You got no business. Why? Why aren't you trying to kill me?
Angel: Excuse me, I'm on a case here, Lindsey. Does everything have to be about killing you all the time?
Parole Officer: I can see that you guys got issues. I'll just- [Angel chokes him]
Lindsey: That is my lead. You are choking my lead.
Angel: He's my lead, he's my lead. What are we, in the schoolyard here? Look, if you want to get to the bottom of this, you gotta learn how to play with others. [to P.O.] Okay look, I'm gonna loosen the rope and you're gonna tell me all about your parolee Bradley Scott.
Lindsey: Who?
Angel: The guy whose hand you're wearing. You might want to listen up.
Lindsey: You don't tell me what to do.
Angel: He's so immature.
Lindsey: Shut up!
Angel: [to P.O.] We're waiting.
Parole Officer: I'm not telling you zip. You can kill me but Wolfram and Hart will do a lot worse.
Angel: Kill you? Why would I kill you...[morphs into vamp-face]...when I could live off you for a month?
[The guy looks back at Angel and yells as he sees his changed face; Angel pats his face as Lindsey grimaces]
Angel: Hmm, can't you just taste that butter fat? [Grins at Lindsey]
Lindsey: You are really gross, you know that?

Nathan: These re-evaluations are always a bit of a mixed blessing. Sad as we lose one of our own, but also hopeful as we turn towards the future and promote one of our own. Lilah, you have made a lot of great contributions and I know you have tried your very, very best...
Lilah: No! [she scrabbles for her purse, but Lindsey puts his hands over hers]
Lindsey: Lilah. Please. [she stops and looks at him] They chose me. I'm clearly the guy.
Nathan: Yes, you are.
Lindsey: You could've had it. But you didn't have what it takes...
[Lindsey raises his right hand up and Lilah jumps, letting out a little scream as he wriggles his fingers]
Lindsey: ...an evil hand. I mean, come on. Who here does, huh? Leon doesn't. Charlie doesn't. You do know you gave me an evil hand, right? I've been writing "kill, kill, kill" on everything. It's crazy. It's crazy! Anything could happen!
Nathan: [signaling security guard] Allen?
Lindsey: Allen, how are you? [punches him and steals his gun] Uh-oh! [shoots Allen in the foot] Oh, that's gonna hurt in the morning. Stop it, evil hand, stop it! I just can't control my evil hand. Nathan, I'm so proud that you chose me. [rubs a co-worker's hair] Charlie! If I'd been in your shoes, I would've chosen Lilah. Let me tell you why. Do you have any idea of the hours this chick has logged in? Huh? The files she has on you guys? Deep stuff. Ronnie, your stock manipulations; Nathan's little offshore accounts. Can you imagine if something were to happen to this girl, and those files got back to the Senior Partners? They'd eat you alive! She's been working overtime, boys. She's everything you ever dreamed of. Lilah is your guy. Me, I'm unreliable; I've got these evil hand issues. And I'm bored with this crap. And besides, I'm leaving, so if you wanna chase me, be my guest. But remember- [holds up his hand] evil. Good luck. [gooses Lilah passing her and holds up his hand] Evil!

Angel: I'm just here to say bon voyage and don't come back.
Lindsey: To L.A.? Nah, you can have this place.
Angel: Good, I'm glad I didn't have to do something immature here.
Lindsey: The key to Wolfram & Hart- don't let them make you play their game. You gotta make them play yours.
Angel: Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. Don't drive too fast. Lot of cops out there. [Lindsey drives away with a "Cops Suck" sign on the back of his truck]

Belonging[edit]

[Wesley and Angel just came back from fighting a Haklar.]
Cordelia: How was the big fight? All big and fighty?
Wesley: We managed to kill the Haklar just as it was about to devour a group of power walkers.
Angel: It was horrible.
Cordelia: I know. I saw it in my stupid vision, remember?
Angel: No, not the Haklar, the power walkers. I mean, walking I get, but power walking? Why not just run for a shorter time?
[Cordelia looks at Angel strangely.]
Angel: Weird. Plus, one of them hit him. [Points to Wesley, whose forehead is injured.]
Cordelia: [gasps] A power walker did that?
Wesley: Apparently, she felt I'd disrespected the Haklar's culture by killing it.
Cordelia: This town sucks.

[Lorne startles a woman in the library.]
Claire: You.. You're.. here for the children's reading program.
Lorne: Yes. Yes I am.
Claire: It's not until tomorrow morning.
Lorne: I know. I never perform without checking out the space first. Get a feel for the room.
Claire: Oh. Well. The kids will flip over your costume. It looks so authentic.
Lorne: Thank you.
Claire: Except for the horns. But those are probably hard to fake.
Lorne: If you only knew.

Over the Rainbow[edit]

Angel: I don't wanna research, alright? I wanna jump through the big swirly hole thingy and save Cordelia!
Wesley: We might never be able to get back!
Angel: [quietly] It's Cordy.
[After a beat Wesley nods and steps back.]
Angel: Krv Drpglr pwlz...
Lorne: Oh, crap.
Angel: ...chkwrt strplmt dwghzn prqlrzn lffrmtplzt.
[Nothing happens.]
Angel: Maybe I have to be standing where the portal opens.
[Lorne peeks over the bar than disappears again as Angel walks up on the stage and starts over.]
Angel: Krv Drpglr pwlz chkwrt strplmt dwghzn prqlrzn lffrmtplzt!
[Wesley sits down slowly as again nothing happens.]
Angel: What, is it - out of batteries? [Holds up the book and turns to face Lorne.] Is this thing out of batteries?!?
[...]
Wesley: There's obviously not going to be any big swirly hole jumping without a big swirly hole.

Lorne: Hmm, tough decision. Poor kid. But I'm right there with him.
Angel: Yeah. Me too, I guess.
Lorne: No, I mean about the not going part. You do know I'm not going, right?
Angel: What? - But it's your world. We need a guide.
Lorne: Remember when I said that I loved this dimension and I'm never, never, never gonna leave? Well, exactly which "never" did you not understand?

Lorne: They need the hotspot because they're going to Pylea, my home dimension.
Agnes: And you're not going with them?
Lorne: Hey. I'd rather have a hydrochloric acid facial. I'd rather invite a hive of wasps to nest in my throat. I'd rather sit through a junior highschool production of "Cats". You see where I'm going with this?
Agnes: Not Pylea?
Lorne: Exactomundo.

Wesley: I suppose I could try a binding spell of some kind. Something to fuse us together as we enter the portal.
Angel: Good. Let's do that. Let's-
Wesley: However, we could emerge on the other side as a freakishly hybridized Siamese twin.
Angel: ...Keep looking?

Angel: Who do we know who has handcuffs?
Wesley: Well, I [pauses, as he was about to say, "do"] ...wouldn't know.

Park: I'm Gavin Park. This is my associate, Mr. Hayes. We represent Wolfram and-
Angel: Already bored.

Lorne: How you holding up?
Angel: Oh, I want to go bad. I'm just waiting for Wes to have that Eureka moment.
Wesley: [from the other room] EUREKA!
Angel: Jeez. Oh, thank god.
Lorne: You mean he actually really says Eureka?

Angel: Hand me a blanket! I'm gonna catch on fire!
[Wesley hands him a blanket but instead of taking it, Angel looks down at his hands, then around himself.]
Angel: Why am I not on fire?

Angel: Ha! I'm not on fire.
Wesley: And we're together. And we didn't merge into some freakish, four-men Siamese twin!
Gunn: That was a risk?!? How come nobody told me that was a risk??
Angel: Can everyone just notice how much fire I'm not on?

Angel: Let's start gathering some branches, some brush. Anything to cover up the car. Oh, hey, look. There's some over in that patch of sun. I'll get 'em!

Angel: No problem here, walking in the sun. Hey, do it all the time.
Wesley: Yes, we're all heartily aware that you're not on fire.

Lorne: Just remember, keep your head down. Xenophobia, kind of a watchword where I'm from.
Gunn: I don't get it. Why are they afraid of Xena? I mean, I think she's kinda fly.
Wesley: Xenophobia. Fear of foreigners.
Gunn: Oh. Can we forget I just said that?

Through the Looking Glass[edit]

[In Pylea, Angel tries to reason with an escaped slave from earth's dimension.]
Fred: Can't get back. There is no back.
Angel: No, there is. If we can open the portal....
Fred: The portal! She fell through the portal!
Angel: Who did?
Fred: That other girl. I couldn't save her. I was arrested. They got her. She's a slave. She'll die!
Angel: Oh, Cordy. No, she's fine. They made her a princess.
Fred: They… really? Oh. When I got here they… they didn't do that. Well. That's nice for her.

Lorne: Say mom, when I disappeared, did you notice anything... odd?
Lorne's mother: We noticed much feasting and celebration. Your brother Numfar performed the dance of joy for three moons. [shouts to a boy in the background] Numfar! Do the dance of joy.

Lorne: Well, you're just a regular Hans Christian Tarantino, aren't you?

[Wesley and Gunn have been captured and are about to be executed .]
Gunn: I've got a plan.
Wesley: Oh thank god! What is it?
Gunn: We die horribly and painfully. You go to hell, and I spend eternity in the arms of Baby Jesus.

Cordelia: Off with their heads!...kidding!

There's No Place Like Plrtz Glrb[edit]

Fred: Bad things always happen here.

Gunn: Those men you sent to create a diversion are going to get killed.
Wesley: Yes, they are. [pause] You try not to get anybody killed, you wind up getting everybody killed.

[As Angel and the Groosalugg battle, Cordelia steps between them]
Cordelia: Stop! I love him!
Angel: You love me?
Cordelia: Not you, dumb-ass! Him!
Angel: [quietly] I mean, as a friend, and co-worker...

Cordelia: [to Groosalug] You're in charge now. And you've got a long road ahead. Slavery has ended, but reconstruction has just begun.
Groo: What is this "reconstruction?"
Cordelia: Gunn, you wanna field this?
Gunn: It means, saying people are free, don't make em free. You've got races that hate each other. You got some folks getting work they don't want, others losing the little they had. You're looking at social confusion, economic depression and probably some riots. Good luck.
Cordelia: You'll do fine.
Groo: It worries me...but not as much as- do you have to go, Majesty?
Cordelia: I don't want to. I'm really gonna miss your eyes, and the "Majesty" thing. But I have a job to do back home. It was really fun being your princess. [kisses him]
Crowd: [bowing as Cordelia walks by] Your Majesty.
Wesley: Should people be bowing in a free society?
Cordelia: These things take time.

[Angel and co. come back from Pylea and find Willow sitting at the Hotel with a sad and serious look on her face]
Angel: Willow?
Cordelia: What's...?
Angel: It's Buffy.

Season 3[edit]

Heartthrob[edit]

Wesley: I realize we sacrifice a great deal of our social lives, but we have to. Work demands it.
Gunn: True. I mean who's got time for love when you're out there, doin' it with the demons. [with regretful look] Didn't that come out sad and wrong.

Gunn: Hmm, Angel and a bunch of monks in the middle of nowhere. There's a party. He should have got hammered and gone to Vegas like I told him.
Wesley: He doesn't need a lap dance, he needs some peace and quiet to work through this.

[lengthy fight between Angel and robed men]
Villager: What happened?
Angel: Demon monks. Shoulda gone to Vegas.

Fred: I came out of my room. Small steps, just like you said.
Angel: Go to your room and stay there!
Fred: Okay.

Angel: What's your version of love? "It's not real unless it kills me"?
James: What's yours? "It's fun as long as it doesn't cost me anything"? You think you won because you're still alive? I lived. You just existed.
[Turns to dust]

Darla: Well, you know what they say... life's full of surprises.
[Darla leaves the bar revealing her incredibly pregnant belly.]

That Vision Thing[edit]

Angel: Fred! Good to see you out and about.
Fred: It is isn't it. Out and about. I've been forkin' with Gunn.

Gunn: Five herb shops in Chinatown; we've been to four. How come whatever we're searching for is always in the last place we look?
Wesley: I suppose it's one of the unwritten laws of being a dick. Uh, um, sleuth, a gumshoe, Sherlock.
Gunn: All I know is you use the word dick again, and we're gonna have a problem. So what's the name of this place anyway?
Wesley: Van Hoa Dong.

Cordelia: I'm right as rain.
Fred: I never understood that saying-right as rain. How is rain right? Or wrong for that matter? Okay, I suppose if there's a flood it's wrong, and speaking of floods, or just being overwhelmed, what's it like to have a vision?
Cordelia: Wow. Y'know, next to you, I am downright linear.

Wesley: The Host reads people's auras to set them on their path, in some shape or form that connects them to the Powers that Be. I'm thinking...
Angel: Sure, he might be able to reverse the process. That he might be able to use Cordelia in order to 'trace the call' back to the Powers.
Lorne: WAY outside my area of expertise, I should caution. But hey, who knew William Shatner could sing? [He laughs, glances at a horribly disfigured Cordelia, and awkwardly stops] Okay. Bad example.

Lilah: There's a young man who's been unfairly imprisoned. And you're going to save him. Isn't that what you do? Save people? You'll need those items to succeed.
Angel: I see. I do this for you and you stop sending Cordy the killer visons.
Lilah: No, you'll do this because I tell you to.

Darla: You're a difficult man to find, señor. Do you know why I'm here? You are my last hope. I've been told you're very powerful, very wise. I've tried everything and I can't get rid of it. So, I ask you: What is this thing growing inside of me, and how is it possible?
Shaman: The Father is also a...?
Darla: Vampire? Yes. Though not a very good one.
Shaman: I will need some blood.
Darla: Well... I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
[The Shaman pauses]
Darla: Men are such babies.
[Darla cuts her hand.]
Shaman: This has never failed me.
[The Shaman places his hands on Darla's belly and has a major reaction.]
Shaman: I cannot help you. No man can. This is not meant to be known.
Darla: Yeah, yeah. Like I haven't heard that before. Well, I guess there's only one thing left to do. Time to go visit Daddy.

That Old Gang of Mine[edit]

[Fred is onstage at a karaoke bar, singing "Crazy".]
Cordelia: I swear, she picked out the song herself.

Wesley: [to Rondell] If you don't mind, I'd prefer a clean kill. The last time I was merely wounded. It took months to heal. Wounded, if I recall, in an attempt to help you.

Cordelia: Look, this is really urgent. I know Lorne pays you to cast this spell. What will it take for you to lift it?
Transuding Sisters: [in sequence] This is not a debt you can pay.
Cordelia: [insulted] You don't know that. My credit has been very good this last year.
Transuding Sisters: [in sequence] Only Angel is equipped to make good on this debt.
Cordelia: Angel. [makes raspberry noise] I don't know. You know, for a guy who's a couple of centuries old, not very big with the wise investing. [pause, then understanding] And when you say "equipped", that isn't what you mean, is it?
Transuding Sisters: [together] Mmmm...Angel.
Cordelia: Got it. And eww.

Gunn: No matter what else, I think I proved that you can trust me when I could have killed you and I didn't.
Angel: No. You'll prove that I can trust you when the day comes that you have to kill me — and you do.

Carpe Noctem[edit]

Fred: [looking at Cordelia's fashion magazine] Why do girls want to look like that? I spent years in a cave starving, what's their excuse?

Cordelia: [about Fred] She's got the big puppy love. I mean, who wouldn't? You're handsome and brave and heroic, emotionally stunted, erratic, prone to turning evil, and let's face it, a eunuch.
Angel: Hey! How can you...I'm not a eunuch.
Cordelia: Angel, it's just a figure of speech.
Angel: Find another one.
Cordelia: I just mean that sex is a no-no for you because of the whole "if you know perfect bliss you'll turn evil curse." Really no cure for that, is there?

Wesley: [about Angel making out with someone on his desk] This isn't like him.
Cordelia: What? This is totally like him. Doing the mystery dance with some cheap blonde?
Fred: Brunette. She was a cheap brunette.
Cordelia: You're right. This isn't like him.

Fredless[edit]

Cordelia: Lemme break it down for you, Fred.
Cordelia [as Buffy]: Oh, Angel, I know that I am a Slayer, and you're a vampire and it would be impossible for us to be together, but—
Wesley [as Angel]: But... my gypsy curse sometimes prevents me from seeing the truth. Oh, Buffy...
Cordelia [as Buffy]: Yes, Angel?
Wesley [as Angel]: I love you so much, I almost forgot to brood.
Cordelia [as Buffy]: And just because I sent you to Hell that one time doesn't mean that we can't just be friends.
Wesley [as Angel]: Or possibly more?
Cordelia [as Buffy]: Gasp! No! We mustn't!
Wesley [as Angel]: Kiss me!
Cordelia [as Buffy]: Bite me!
Angel: [entering] How 'bout you both bite me?
Fred: You're back!
Gunn: How'd it go?
Angel: I think those two pretty much summed it up.

Cordelia: [on Fred's invention] God, I really wish she wouldn't leave her toys laying around.
Gunn: Ooh, pretty wicked looking toy.
Wesley: I'll say. It almost looks like a spring-loaded decapitation device.
Cordelia: Or it makes toast. With her you never know.

Cordelia: Fred can barely tie her shoes without Mr. 'oh, you're my big, fat hero!' around.
Angel: [quietly] You think I'm fat?

Cordelia: [to Wesley and Gunn] Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Bickerson! A little focus, please.

Mr. Burkle: And to think, we were wondering when to call the police on a bunch of superheroes.
Angel: Oh, I'm not really a hero.
Gunn: More like a blood-sucking fiend.
Mr. Burkle: Well frankly, Angel, I don't care if you drink pig's blood, cow's blood, or those froofy little imported beers. You saved my little girl.
Angel: Well, I wouldn't have had to if she hadn't gone all Amazonian and whacked that thing with a golf club.
Mr. Burkle: Well, I'll tell you. I haven't seen a stroke like that since Nicklaus took on Gary Player in the '63 - -
Angel and Mr. Burkle: Bob Hope Desert Classic [laugh together like old friends]

Angel: [Looks at the walls] Are you gonna remember everything that's up there?
Fred: Well, sure. It's a story. Once upon a time, there was a girl who lived all alone in a horrible cave - so far from home it made her chest hurt. And every day in that horrible cave, the girl tried to figure out a way to escape. None of her plans ever succeeded, of course, and she'd almost given up hopin' - when one day, just like in a fairy tale - a handsome man rode up on a horse and saved her, and took her back to his castle. Now you'd think that was the end, wouldn'tcha? Dumb old fairy tales and their happily ever afters. But see, the minute they got back to the castle, the handsome man went away again. And even though she didn't mean to - didn't want to - high up in that castle the girl just built herself another cave. Hoping he would save her again. [Looks at Angel] But you can't save me this time. Can you?

Gunn: [after Fred's invention launches an axe through the Durslar beast's head] So. Not a toaster.

Billy[edit]

Gunn: [playing a video game] Dead! So dead! So very, very dead. Just how dead are you, huh?
Angel: I'm tired of being the dead one.

Lilah: Cordelia Chase, right? You came here to gloat?
Cordelia: I can do that anywhere. Are you going to invite me in? Oh, wait. I'm not a vampire. [walks in]
Lilah: [sarcastically] Please, come on in.
Cordelia: I want you to tell me about Billy. Everything you didn't tell Angel. I want you to help me stop him.
Lilah: And what makes you think I'm going to do that?
Cordelia: Well, your face, for starters.
Lilah: I know the risks of my job, and I accept them.
Cordelia: Then why were you crying five minutes ago. [Lilah looks surprised] There's not a thing about badly re-applied mascara that I don't know.
Lilah: I am not Lindsay McDonald. I don't switch sides whenever it gets tough. And since when is this your job? I thought Angel was the Dark Revenger.
Cordelia: Angel feels responsible for this guy because he brought him back from hell. I feel responsible because he did it to save me. You, who are actually responsible for the entire thing, feel nothing at all, because you are a vicious bitch.
Lilah: So you know me.
Cordelia: Please, I was you. With better shoes.
Lilah: These are Versace.
Cordelia: Fall collection?
Lilah: Next spring.
Cordelia: He's widened the heel.
Lilah: And rounded the toe.
Cordelia: That won't work with pink.
Lilah: The pink is out this spring.
Cordelia: Billy makes people crazy.
Lilah: Not all people. Just men. He brings out a primal misogyny in them. Turns them into killers.
Cordelia: Then why didn't he do it to Angel?
Lilah: Angel's seen him?
Cordelia: Yes, right before he escaped from the cops. [Lilah laughs] What's so witty?
Lilah: Billy's touch work's differently on different men. Some lose their mind in an instant. Others, can take hours. Gee, I sure hope Angel isn't starting to feel testy.
Cordelia: You better hope it.
Lilah: I know. I've seen his dark side.
Cordelia: You really haven't. [Lilah looks nervous] I have to find Billy.
Lilah: And I'm going to help you why?
Cordelia: You know that guy you hired to hack into my visions? What he did to me? You know what it felt like? I was cut, torn up, my face disfigured and burning with pain every second, not knowing if it was going to end or just get worse until I died.
Lilah: So you think I owe you?
Cordelia: It's not the pain. It's the helplessness. The certainty that there is nothing you can do to stop it. That your life can be thrown away in an instant by someone else. He doesn't care. He'll beat you down until you stay down, because he doesn't even think of you as alive. No woman should ever have to go through that, and no woman strong enough to hold the mantle of vicious bitch would ever put up with it. Where is Billy going?

Cordelia: [to Billy] Actually, I'm feeling superior because I have an arrow aimed at your jugular. And the irony of using a phallic shaped weapon? Not lost on me.

Offspring[edit]

[Angel stares at Cordelia, working up the nerve to confess his feelings for her.]
Cordelia: Why are you looking at me like that?
Angel: Uh . . . no reason.
Cordelia: Okay. It's getting creepy now.
Angel: I was just thinking about things. People. You know, how they relate. Take you and me, for instance. We're very different. Very different. Obviously. [points at Cordy] Human, [points at self] vampire. [points at Cordy] Woman, [points at self] man... pire.
Cordelia: Has someone been putting vodka in your blood?
Angel: [chuckles] See? You're funny! And I, well I get off a good one every once in a while, but you…
Cordelia: Angel, are you trying to say you love me?
Angel: W-What?
Cordelia: I love you too.
Angel: You do? When did this…
Cordelia: [calling into Wesley's office] Angel loves me! I love him!
Angel: Oh, my God!
Cordelia: You guys love us and we love you!
Wesley, Fred, Gunn: [offscreen, in chorus] We love you, Angel!
Cordelia: They were all saying it earlier. Just in case this prophecy comes true and we all die. You're not gonna want a hug, are you?
Angel: [chastened] No.

Cordelia: Hey, what are friends for?
Darla: If you ask me, they're for knocking you up and leaving you high and dry.
[Angel spins around to see a very pregnant Darla standing on the top landing leading down into the lobby from outside.]
Darla: Hello, lover. Long time no see.

Fred: Who's Darla?
Gunn: Angel's old flame, from way back.
Fred: Not the one who died?
Gunn: Yeah. No, not that one, the other one that died and came back to life. She's a vampire.
Fred: Do y'all have a chart or somethin'?
Gunn: In the files. I'll get it for you later.

Angel: This is impossible.
Darla: Tell me about it, daddy!
Cordelia: You slept with her?
Angel: Vampires can't have children. Wesley?
Wesley: Ah, no, he's right. It's not possible.
Cordelia: That's not what I asked.
Darla: You know we can't. I know we can't. But we did.
Fred: I wonder if this might not be that bad thing we were expecting.
Darla: What did you do to me?
[She hits Angel across the face and he stumbles back against the weapons cabinet behind him.]

Angel: Cordy that's Darla. Maybe you don't want to...
Cordelia: Did you or did you not look me in the eye and say that you would *never* do a thing like this with her?
Darla: Oh, he lied? What a surprise.
[Fred carrying a glass of water]
Fred: Hi. I'm Fred. Is water okay, or did you want some blood?
[Darla takes the water as Wes gently pulls Fred back away from Darla.]
Angel: Cordy. I'm sorry I lied. It was just...it was a very dark time.
Cordelia: Oh! You used her to make you feel better during your dark time. Well, that makes it all heroic.
Angel: It wasn't like that. It just happened. It wasn't like I went evil or anything, I just...
Cordelia: You just went male. [She brushes the hair out of Darla's face.] Have you been to a doctor?
[Darla gives her a look]
Darla: No. But I have been to every shaman and seer in the Western Hemisphere.
Wesley: And what did they say?
Darla: They don't know what it is. They don't know what it means. Nothing like this has ever happened.
Angel: Maybe it's an hysterical pregnancy.
Darla: You wanna feel it kick?
Cordelia: Does it kick a lot?
Darla: Like crazy.

Angel: [talking about Darla] Where is she?
Wesley: She got away.
Gunn: We tried to stop her by hitting her fists and feet with our faces.

[Darla pulls the stake out of her right palm and lets it drop as she walks towards Angel.]
Darla: You *so* want to play the good guy, don't you? Yeah. You're the good guy who did *this* to me.
[Hauls back and knocks Angel across the face, slamming him against one of the games.]
Darla: You may have the face, but you don't know the hunger! It pounds! You can't make it go away! You can't stop it!
Angel: I'll stop it!
[He hauls back and hits Darla. The two of them fight. In the end Angel manages to grab Darla by the throat and push her up against the wall.]
Darla: How could you put this in me? I hate you!
[Darla hits him again, but Angel refuses to let go of her throat.]
Darla: They breathe. They breathe and pound. I don't breathe, you idiot! You can't strangle me!
[Darla laughs.]
Angel: I'm not gonna strangle you.
[Angel pulls her away and slams her back up against the wall, pulling out another stake.]
Darla: Come on! Do it! [Angel hesitates] Do it!
[Angel slowly lowers the stake and looks down at Darla's belly. We hear a heartbeat. Angel slowly steps back from Darla. Darla lunges, grabs a hold of Angel's jacket and shakes him.]
Darla: Do it! Do it! Make it stop!
[Angel gently restrains her, wrapping her tightly in his arms and pulling her up against his chest.]
Angel: No it won't, Darla. Darla, listen to me.
Darla: Make it stop! Make it stop.
Angel: The child. The child has a heartbeat. It has a soul.
[Darla flailing wildly]
Darla: No! Not my child! No!
Angel: Our child. Our child. Our child. That's why you've been craving purer and purer blood. That's why it's been driving you out of your mind. It has a soul.
[Darla collapses against Angel's chest, sobbing]
Darla: No, it doesn't.
[Angel holds her]
Angel: It does.
Darla: It can't.
Angel: Yes, it does. It does.

Quickening[edit]

[Darla starts groaning in pain after Cordelia punches her.]
Cordelia: Oh, come on, tough girl. You're a vampire. A punch in the nose shouldn't hurt that much.
Fred: Not "ow" her nose. She's having contractions!
[Darla screams]

[voicemail message]
Woman's voice: Hi, you've reached the Tittles. We can't come to the phone right now. If you wanna leave a message for Christine, press one.
Man's voice: For Bentley, press two.
Demon's voice: Or to speak to or worship Master Tarfall, Underlord of pain, press three.

Sahjhan: I'm not a man. - What I mean is...
Holtz: You're not human.
Sahjhan: But clearly masculine. You get that, right?

[Angel is pushing Darla in a wheelchair through the hospital while she is having contractions]
Angel: How you feeling?
Darla:[irritated] I haven't had blood in almost a day and your devil spawn is trying to rip its way out of my body. How you think I'm doing?

Linwood: Thank you for coming. And correct me if I'm wrong, but the role of a psychic is to be psychic. To predict the future, so that Wolfram and Hart doesn't find itself in this kind of predicament.
Bald psychic: I can't apologize enough, sir.
Linwood: You're right. You can't. [Laughs] But I'm not without compassion. I'm gonna give you a chance to save your job - and your skin.
[Bald psychic smiles relieved, then frowns and leans in a bit closer to Linwood.]
Bald psychic: No, you're not. You're gonna have me killed.
Linwood: [Puts a hand on his shoulder.] Now, why couldn't you have had that kind of foresight when we needed it?
[Someone puts a plastic bag over the bald guy's head from behind and pulls him away from Linwood.]

Angel: What is it?
Wesley: It's - it's human.
Gunn: Human as is in humanoid? As in cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers?
Wesley: No - human as in - a boy.
Angel: Boy?
Wesley: A boy. A boy. You're carrying a boy.
Darla: Great.
Angel: Gonna have a son. I'm gonna have a son.
Fred: Guys. As fascinating as an ultra-sound image of an unborn child may appear...
Angel: Me. A father. To a son. You know what that means?
Fred: We're surrounded by vampires?
Angel: No, it's a human bo...
[He trails off as he looks away from the monitor for the first time and notices the vampires lining the teaching gallery above them and the back wall of the room.]
Angel: Oh. We are surrounded by vampires.

Cordelia: Hey, I'm all for being idolized, but what the hell is going on?
Angel: What do you want?
Vampire: To protect the miracle child.
Angel: Protect? Ah, that's good. We're all here for the same thing.
[The guy with the sword that Lilah called earlier suddenly jumps through one of the glass windows above, dressed like a ninja and holding the sword in front of him, screaming 'die!' The miracle child worshipping vampires jump on him en masse, and he goes down with a strangled scream. We hear a crunch and someone gulping down liquid.]
Vampire: As it has been prophesied by our great potentate Ul-thar, we vow our lives to protect this special child.
Angel: [aside to Darla] You hear that? Our kid. Special.
Vampire: Now let us kill the humans so we may use their blood to nourish the mother and her miracle child.
Darla: [smiling] Guess I'm getting dinner after all.

Angel: Darla, you might wanna join the fight.
Darla: Sorry, darling. I'm gonna have to be Switzerland and sit this one out. Now, you did say you were just gonna kill the humans, right?
Vampire: Yes, just the humans. Then we will nourish you, slice you open, wear your entrails as a belt and consume your eyeballs before we worship the miracle child.
Darla: Okay. I'm in.

[Fred holds the dagger against Darla's belly.]
Fred: You freaks make one move and I'll slice the miracle kid into triplets.
Cordelia: It's always the quiet ones.
Vampire: Wait!
Fred: [quietly to Darla] They don't know the knife can't hurt the baby.
Darla: [smiling] They do now. Vampires have great hearing.

[Darla is still in the back of the car. Wesley is sitting on the trunk facing Fred, standing behind the car. Gunn is sitting on the side of the passenger door. Cordelia starts the car.]
Gunn: He said five minutes!
Cordelia: It's been six and a half.
Darla: It's so typical of him.
Fred: It probably wouldn't hurt to wait another minute, right? I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen in another minute? [Darla lets out a blood-curdling scream.] Ask a stupid question...
Wesley: Her water's broken. This is for real. There should be a blanket in the trunk.
Cordelia: What are we gonna do? Deliver the kid right here? Shouldn't we go somewhere?
Fred: What's keeping Angel?
[Gunn gets the blanket out of the trunk and he and Wesley help a screaming Darla to lie down in the back seat while the camera pulls up to give us an overhead view of them.]

Lullaby[edit]

Wesley: Now it's up to us to protect Angel's unborn child. Darla, we're trying to take you out of here. Relax. The trick is to breathe. Like this.
[Wesley demonstrates short panting breaths]
Wesley: Heh, heh, heh, hoh, hoh, hoh, heh, heh, heh...
Darla: I... Don't...
[sits up and sends Wesley, Cordelia, Gunn and Fred all flying backwards, away from the car and morphs into her vampface]
Darla: Breathe!

Gavin: [About Linwood] He's gonna crucify us.
Lilah: They don't crucify here. It's too Christian.

[Angel is still held motionless by the metal grips while Holts admires one of Angel's swords.]
Angel: You're still human. How'd you manage this?
[Holtz puts the sword back into the weapons cabinet.]
Holtz: So, the question becomes, now that I have you, what's the best way to get her?
Angel: Only dark magic could have brought you this far.
Holtz: She was always the trick, you know, not you. Darla was the unpredictable one.
Angel: Was it a demon? Or something else?
[Holtz points a stake at Angel's chest.]
Holtz: What if I just kill you now? Would she somehow sense it? Would she then come running? [Walks away from Angel] Would that bring her bursting through those doors, I wonder?
Angel: Did something come to you, or did you seek it out?
Holtz: She might show herself in the service of revenge. It can be a powerful motivator.
Angel: Yes, it can. What did you have to give up for this second chance?
Holtz: Give up? [Turns to face Angel] I had nothing to give up. You saw to that.
Angel: We took a lot from you, that's true. But we didn't get everything. We couldn't take your soul.
Holtz: What do you know of a soul?
Angel: I know yours will be destroyed if you allow yourself to be used in the service of evil. You're a good man, Holtz. A righteous man. And you're being used for some purpose other than justice.
Holtz: Could it be you really have changed? I don't remember you ever pleading so cravenly before.
Angel: And I remember you used to work with men.
[Holtz hits Angel hard across the face.]

[Cordelia, Wesley, Fred, and Gunn all get into in the front of the convertible, leaving a very pregnant Darla alone in the back.]
Darla: Doesn't anyone wanna sit back here with me?
Cordelia: We're good.
Gunn: Yeah, it's, comfy.
Darla: I promise I won't throw anyone out of the car. Not while it's moving.
Fred: It's not that we don't trust you. I mean, we don't trust you, but, the fact is, your water broke all over the back seat.
Darla: Oh.

Fred: That's the tragic beauty of a cosmic convergence. I- I mean, he just plays his own small part. He comes here looking for Angel and Darla, and in the process ends up finding Angel's unborn child. Who, as it turns out, wasn't evil at all as we feared, but was actually meant to be some sort of Messianic figure. But Holtz kills it before it's even born, and his vengeance somehow triggers the end of the world! [pause, off everyone's looks] Or not. It could go either way. Have you thought of a name yet?

Sahjhan: See? This is why I didn't mention it. So Angel has a soul. Big whoop! So did Attila the Hun! Not to mention a heart as big as all outdoors when it came to gift giving. He is still a vampire! Angel, not Attila.

[Darla is standing on top of a building looking over the city below, her hands cradling her pregnant belly.]
Angel: You always did love a view.
Darla: Look at it. Listen to it. Can you smell it? This world. This horrible world. Why would anyone want to bring a baby into it?
Angel: To make it better, maybe?
Darla: Or to destroy it finally.
Angel: Why is it everyone insists on planning my son's future before he's even born?
[Darla turns and walks past where Angel is standing.]
Darla: Alright then, how's this? It doesn't have a future. Not with me.
Angel: Darla...
Darla: Angel, I can't have this baby.
Angel: What?
Darla: I can't let it out. I-I can't.
Angel: Okay, not sure you have a lot of choice in the matter...
Darla: Look, I know. It wants to come out. I can feel it. It's ready. It's just... I can't let it. I can't let because... because...
Angel: You love it.
Darla: Completely. I love it completely. I-I-I don't think I've ever loved anything as much as this life that's inside of me.
Angel: Well, you've never *loved* anything, Darla.
Darla: That's true. Four hundred years and I never did. Til now. I don't know what to do.
Angel: Well, you-you'll do the only thing that you can do. You'll have it. You'll have it and then...
Darla: What? We'll raise it?
Angel: Why not?
Darla: It's impossible.
Angel: This whole thing is impossible, Darla, but it's happening.
Darla: What do I have to offer a child, a human child, besides ugly death?
Angel: Darla.
Darla: You know it's true.
Angel: No. What I do know is that you love this baby, our baby. You've bonded with it. You've spent nine months carrying it, nourishing it...
Darla: No. No, I haven't been nourishing it. I haven't given this baby a thing. I'm dead. It's been nourishing me. These feelings that I'm having, they're not mine. They're coming from it.
Angel: You don't know that.
Darla: Of course I do! We both do. Angel, I don't have a soul. It does. And right now that soul is inside of me, but soon, it won't be and then...
Angel: Darla...
Darla: I won't be able to love it. I won't even be able to remember that I loved it. [Starts to cry] I want to remember.
[Angel pulls her against him.]
Angel: Shh...
[Angel closes his eyes as he holds a crying Darla.]

Lilah: What does it say about the birth?
Translator: Well actually, it's funny. It doesn't.
Lilah: What do you mean it doesn't? But you said it did.
Translator: Yes, I did say it did.
Lilah: But it doesn't.
Translator: In a way.
Lilah: I have a gun.

Man: What are we going to do?
Holtz: Whatever we have to.
[Holtz walks over to Sarah and picks her up.]
Sarah: Papa, no! Please, no, papa! Papa, don't. Let me go!
[Holtz carries her over to the door and out onto the roofed porch.]
Sarah: No, papa. Papa, don't!
[Sarah tries to cling to one of the porch's pillars, but Holtz pulls her away and pushes her out into the bright sunlight of the front yard. She turns back to look up at him, morphing into vamp face as she burns up in the direct sunlight. Holtz stays and watches until she's gone then walks back into the house.]

Angel: What's going on?
Wesley: We're being attacked.
Angel: Attacked? I thought you had double protection sanctorium spells?
Lorne: I do, and they work. It's a thing with the door and the stairs and the world and a thing. Never mind!
Gunn: Apparently you can be outside and chuck stuff in.
Lorne: I just said that.

Darla: That's why this is happening. [About Holtz] His family, his children... what that must have been like for him. Doesn't seem so funny now, does it?

Angel: You're gonna be okay.
Darla: No. No, I don't think so. Once he's gone, I won't be okay. I won't be okay at all. I don't know what I'll be. Angel... Our baby is gonna die right here in this alley. You died in an alley, remember?
Angel: I remember.
Darla: I wanna say I'm sorry. I wanna say it and mean it, but I can't. Aren't you gonna tell me it's okay?
Angel: No.
Darla: No? It's really not, is it? We did so many terrible things together. So much destruction, so much pain. We can't make up for any of it. You know that, don't you.
Angel: Yeah.
Darla: This child, Angel, it's the one good thing we ever did together.
[Angel lifts Darla's hand between both of his and pressed it against his lips.]
Darla:The only good thing.
[Angel buries his face in his hands, still holding onto Darla's, takes a sobbing breath.]
Darla:The only good thing. You make sure to tell him that.
[Darla stakes herself, and her body crumbles into dust, leaving the crying newborn alive on the alley ground.]

Sahjhan: Do it! Now's your chance. Do it! Finish it while you still can! You can't just let him walk away! Not now! Not after what you swore to me!
[Holtz watches as Fred and Angel get into the car with the newborn.]
Holtz: I swore that I would show no mercy. [Watches Angel's car drive away.] And I won't.

Dad[edit]

Lilah: Dusted during childbirth is more like it. According to our sources she staked herself, leaving the baby alive and kicking but never actually born. MacDuff was from his mother's womb untimely ripped.

[Walks towards the screen as we can hear the baby gurgle.]
Linwood: That's a cute little baby. Yes, you are. And your daddy is a vampire with a soul. And sometimes he reverts to a creature of pure, malevolent evil, who could rip your tiny throat out. Yes, he does. [Chuckles] I like kids. The Senior Partners took mine before I really got to know them. Turn it up.
[Lilah pushes a button on the remote and the room fills with a baby's cries.]
Linwood: Turn it down.
[Lilah does as Linwood walks out.]

Lilah: Everything's in there?
Gwen: Right down to the baby that wasn't supposed to be born.
Lilah: How do you know about that?
Gwen: I'm Files and Records. It's my job.
Lilah: Great. [Hefts the file and turns to go] I'll be back when I'm...
Gwen: Ah, Miss Morgan, there aren't any documents in there, you know. That's just the reference key to the full file.
Lilah: The reference key. So - where is the full file?
[Gwen flips a switch and a whole section of file cabinets is illuminated.]
Gwen: The key is only helpful in locating which section of the file you'd like to look at.
Lilah: [flabbergasted] That whole thing is Angel's file?
Gwen: Just the first 35 cabinets.
Lilah: Right. Does China Palace deliver down here?

Gunn: [preparing for the assault] What are you doing?
Wesley: Trying to imagine myself as John Wayne in Rio Bravo. You?
Gunn: Austin Stoker. Assault on Precinct 13. [they high five]
Cordelia: If we live through this, trade in the DVD players and get a life.

[Angel walks into the office, walks up to Linwood, slices him across the cheek, and pushes him facedown against the table.]
Angel: My son has a tiny scratch on his cheek, and now, by extraordinary coincidence so do you. I'm holding you personally responsible for anything that happens to him whether it's your fault or not. Cold, sunburn, scratched knee, whatever happens to him, happens to you, and then some. [He pulls Linwood back up, pushes him back into his chair and leans over him.] For not only are you not coming after him, you gonna make sure that he lives a long, healthy life. You just became his godfather, understand?
Linwood: I believe I do.
[Guards come in, in response to the alarm.]
Guard: Sir?
Linwood: It's all right.
[Angel starts to leave but turns back around before he reaches the door.]
Angel: Oh, and one more thing. College fund? Start saving. I got my heart set on Notre Dame.

Doctor: I'm happy to report you have a healthy baby boy.
Cordelia: Oh, great. But I'm not the mother.
Doctor: Oh, I'm sorry. [turns to Fred] I'm happy to report you have a healthy baby boy.
Fred: Oh. Me neither.
Wesley: I'm afraid the mother is, ah, no longer in the picture.
Doctor: I see. Well, his height and weight are in the ninetieth percentile. We gave him his vitamin K and his PKU and he's doing very well. We don't seem to have his - what's his name?
Angel: [arriving] Connor. His name is Connor.
Doctor: Connor. Thank you. Mr. [looks at the papers] Angel. And congratulations.
Angel: Thanks.

Wesley: Connor. That's a lovely name. I don't suppose you ever considered Wesley?
Fred, Angel and Gunn: No.
[Wesley shrugs]

Birthday[edit]

Cordelia: You're - you're - death? You've come to take me.
Skip: [bursts out laughing] Kidding. [Offers hand] I'm Skip. [She doesn't shake it] You're Cordelia Chase, right? [Cordelia nods slightly] Sorry it took me so long, I... [indicates her body] this you? Most people go astral, their spiritual shapes tend to be an idealized version of themselves. You know, straighten the nose, lose the gray, sort of a self-esteem kind of thing. You're pretty confident, aren't ya?

Cordelia: Is this...? This is a Mall.
Skip: We just figured you'd be more comfortable here.
Cordelia: We?
Skip: The Powers That Be.
Cordelia: The Powers That Be popped me out of my body and sent me to a Mall?
Skip: Actually, this is more a construct of a Mall. You know, like in "The Matrix".
Cordelia: You've seen "The Matrix"?
Skip: Oh, love that flick. When Trinity is all 'dodge this' and the agent just crumples to the [Cordelia sighs] and I'm not really instilling any awe anymore, am I?

Skip: Inside every living thing there is a connection to the Powers That Be. Call it instinct, intuition. Deep down we all know our purpose in this world.
Cordelia: Are you saying that, I was meant to be an actress?
Skip: No. I'm saying you were meant to be an incredibly famous and wealthy actress. And the Powers That Be can make that happen.

Cordelia: I want something. Hypo-something. Hypothermia?
Nev: [to phone] Josh, lets get a large tub of ice water to Miss Chase's dressing room, pronto.
Cordelia: [to herself] No, that's not it.
Nev: Cancelling ice water.
Cordelia: Hyper... hyperbaric?
Nev: Josh, make it an oxygen tent.
Cordelia: [to herself] No, that's not it either.
Nev: Canceling tent.
Cordelia: [spins to Nev] Hyperion! That's it!
Nev: The hotel.
Cordelia: Yes. I wanna go there.

Skip: We've been over this. I respect what you're trying to do. It's noble and heroic and all that other Russell Crowe "Gladiator" crap.
Cordelia: You've seen -
Skip: Didn't love it.

Provider[edit]

Wesley: [watching Fred with Connor] Adorable.
Gunn: So sweet.
Wesley: I meant the baby.
Gunn: I meant the hot mama.

Angel: We can't afford any more mistakes. Making mistakes costs money and making money right now - it's our number one priority. [Lorne enters] Hey, Lorne.
Lorne: Uh, if this is about the baby formula I snagged from the fridge last night - sorry. I was feeling a little peckish and it was that or a glass of pig's blood. By the way, baby formula and Kaluha? Not as bad as it sounds.
Angel: Lorne, I need you to use your contacts and find out what Holtz is up to. He's out there somewhere, and we can never forget that. Finding him is our number one priority.
Gunn: I thought you said...
Angel: Finding Holtz and making money are our two number one priorities.
[Cordelia walks by and clears her throat]
Angel: Helping the helpless, finding Holtz, and making money are our three number one priorities.

Wesley: [about his web articles on DNA Fusion Comparisons and Tri-ped Demon Populations] It's an exciting arena.
Lorne: But one I'm sure we can all download at: I'll-never-know-the-love-of-a-woman-dot-com. Can we get down to business?

Angel: Guys, can I say something? Money's important [pauses] but it isn't everything. I got... I got carried away. [looks over at the pile of money] I just never had a life that was totally dependent on me before. But that's no excuse. [looks at the money again] Where was I?
Cordelia: Money's not the most important...
Angel: No, it's not. What's important is family ... and the mission.
Cordelia: [after a long pause and looking at the money] They tried to cut Fred's head off. We earned every penny.
Angel: Hold the baby.
[Everyone begins grabbing money furiously.]

Waiting in the Wings[edit]

Angel: Ask me why I'm smiling.
Cordelia: I will because it's scaring me.

Angel:I saw their production of "Giselle" in 1890. I cried like a baby. And I was evil!

[Angel has bought tickets to a ballet instead of a rock concert.]
Gunn: No, this is not Mata Hari. This is tutus and guys with their big-ass packages jumping up and down! This is just — I will never trust you again. The trust is gone.
Cordelia: Oh, get over it. Do we get dressed up?
Angel: Of course.
Cordelia: I'm in.
Angel: Guys, seeing the ballet live, it's... it's like another world. Gunn, these guys are tight, and you're going to be tripping out.
Gunn: Don't be using my own phrases when we've lost the trust.

Fred: We have to find a dress for you. Something that'll make Angel go crazy.
Cordelia: Fred, sweetie, Angel is crazy.

Lorne: Oh, relax, crumb cake. Man, little Connor burps like a champ.
Angel: At least he's sleeping.
Lorne: Who wouldn't? With that sweet Irish lullaby you crooned. Just a hair flat on the bridge, but - more to the point - Cordelia?
Angel: What about her?
Lorne: I read you while you were singing, you big corn muffin, and uh, can't say as I blame. I mean, what a woman she's become.
Angel: You're not supposed to be reading me. Anyway, you read me wrong.
Lorne: Sorry, strudel. It's not just when you're singing. We got a little term back in Pylea. Kyrumption?
Angel: I know it.
Lorne: Okay. When two great heroes come together-
Angel: There will be no coming together, okay? Everything we've been through together and all anybody wants to talk about is...
Lorne: Can't fight Kyrumption, cinnamon buns. It's fate. It's the stars. Kyrumption is...
Angel: Stop saying that. And stop calling me pastries.

Gunn: You got to promise not to laugh.
Fred: I promise.
Gunn: It's gotta come from the heart.
Fred: Will you stop being such a little girl? I said, I promise.
[Gunn steps out into Fred's view and spreads his arms so she can get a look at his tux, not looking at her. Fred's eyes go wide. After a moment she bursts out laughing.]
Gunn: This is what your promises are worth? I'm having a lot of trust issues at this time in my life.

Angel: Back in the day, I'd always get box seats. Or, you know, eat the people who had them.

Gunn: I say it once, and gloat all you want: these guys are tight, and I am trippin' out!

[A security guard is blocking the only way backstage at the ballet.]
Cordelia: You want I should distract him? Make with the nice-nice while you slip by?
Angel: Don't be stupid. I'm that guy and the most beautiful girl I've ever seen is making eyes at me? It's either a bachelor party or a scam.
Cordelia: What did you just call me?
Angel: I'm sorry. You're not stupid.
Cordelia: No. After that.
Angel: I think I'll just have to go with my patented sudden burst of violence.
Cordelia: Hey, hold on. I think I might have an approach that is a little more subtle.
[A smiling Cordelia approaches the guard.]
Cordelia: Hey! Do you like bribes?
Guard: Do I ever.
[Cordelia holds up a $20.]
Cordelia: Well, we really want to go backstage.
Guard: Yeah, okay, but this isn't so much a bribe as it is a tip, and since I'm not parking your car, there's really no way--
[Angel punches guard in the face.]
Angel: Okay, that's how we do it.

Lorne: [singing] Go to sleep, lullaby, you've been fed and you're sleepy. You'll be with uncle Lorne, who in no way resents not being asked to go to the ballet. And is certainly, not thinking, of selling you to the first vampire cult that makes him a decent offer...

Couplet[edit]

Angel: I remember him being taller.
Lorne: A trick of the light. They don't actually get smaller until they're very, very old.
Angel: I didn't mean the baby.
Lorne: I know you didn't.
Angel: I meant the Groosalug.
Lorne: I know you did.
Angel: Did he seem, ah, - I don't know - short?
Lorne: Oh, absolutely. Clearly the guy shrank - all over, probably. Why, he's nothing but a muscley midget. I'm sure once Cordelia gets him home, she'll just pop him into a smallish drawer, and that will be that.

Wesley: Why can't you have sex?
Cordelia: Because I could lose my virginity.
Wesley: If you want to play it that way..
Cordelia: VISIONity. The visions. In Pylea the visions were supposed to pass on to Groo if we ever did the royal "com-shuk". How do I know that won't happen here?
Angel: Good point. You really don't.
Wesley: But your recent transformation could have changed all that. It might be possible...
[Angel kicks the table to interrupt]
Angel: Still, you know. Better safe than sorry. You're doing the right thing.
Cordelia: I know. I know. I can't risk it. It's just.. I'm so.. And he's such a.. Don't you think?
[Angel and Wesley start to agree reluctantly]
Cordelia: I mean there's got to be other things we could do to relieve the tension.
Angel: Jogging could be a thing.
Wesley: Or perhaps there's some form of paranormal prophylactic...
Angel: Cause you know, jogging...
Cordelia: I guess we could probably "com" without actually "shuk"ing.
Angel: Well, I don't know. That could be a slippery slope that.. Once you're on that.. That you could.. Slide..

Groosalugg: [upon hearing Angel's cellphone] Angel, your coat is singing.

Wesley: When you knew it was more than just a tryst you should have told me.
Gunn: It happened so fast. The thing just grabbed the guy and he was gone.
Wesley: That's.. That's not what I meant.
Gunn: Oh. You mean.. Well. I'm not so sure that's any of your business.
Wesley: No, you're probably right. Still, she could get hurt. I trust that won't happen.
Gunn: What are you, her brother?
Wesley: Apparently..
Gunn: Wesley, I...
Wesley: She chose. It's just important to me that she's taken care of.

Loyalty[edit]

Gunn: I wanna know how he does it. No last name, no bank account. How are you ordering stuff off the web?
Fred: It's not that hard, really. All you have to do is hack into the shipping database, find someone who is ordering what you want, then substitute your information. Except that would just be high-tech robbery.
Angel: I memorized Cordelia's credit card numbers.
Fred: Oh. Low-tech robbery.

[Angel has just bought some mini-Hockey sticks for him and Connor to use when Connor is older]
Angel: Hockey is just a great sport, greatest sport known to man!
Gunn: Dude, Hockey is the WHITEST sport known to man.
Angel: That's as may be, but the games are indoors and usually at night.
Gunn: Oh perfect for you then.
[Wesley asks Angel something to which Angel responds whilst Gunn dribbles the Puck about a bit then shoots at the gap under the weapons cabinet]
Gunn: He shoots...HE SCORES!
Angel: Yeah with no defender...
[Angel and Gunn start having a mini-game, where Angel robs Gunn of the puck, shoots and badly misses, breaking the window]
Angel: [embarrassed] Yeah well...they're not even regulation size...

Sahjhan: That's it? No 'wow, how did he do that?' No screaming in terror? You twenty first century types are so jaded.
Lilah: You're Sahjhan, aren't you? I may be jaded, but I do my homework. And there's a girl downstairs, she's got records on everything that ever happened. My company rocks.

Holtz: Angelus is in his nature. The beast will re-emerge, you've seen it, you know it and that is why you are here. You're afraid he is going to kill the child.. and you're right.
Wesley: Your infiltration was more successful than I'd realised.
Holtz: I don't need prophecies to tell me what he's playing. So long as the child remains with the demon, it's not safe.
Wesley: Well I must have misunderstood. Here I thought it was a simple blood vendetta when what you really want is to protect Angel's son.
Holtz: You don't believe me?
Wesley: Hmmm, not sure really. It could be the low scary voice that's giving me trouble.

Sleep Tight[edit]

Wesley: I didn't sleep very well.
Angel: Yeah, and you look like hell. Not the fun one where they burn you with hot pokers for all eternity, but the hard core one. You know, Nixon and Britney Spears.

Lilah: Like a cat. Can't hear you. But I'm starting to feel you when you're near. Isn't that nice and creepy? How did you find me?
Angel: Your assistant.
Lilah: I'll have his arms broken.
Angel: Already taken care of.

Sahjhan: You back-stabbing, traitorous bitch. I have a lot of work to do. I can't be in every time/space at once, and here I find you drinking with my sworn enemy.
Angel: Sworn enemy? Really? Have we met? Because I don't remember swearing.
Lilah: Sahjhan, he found me.
Angel: So [glances from Lilah to Sahjhan] you all are in cahoots. Ethereal time-traveling demon, you're the screwball that brought Holtz back. How's that working out? He's not very fond of demons, is he?
Sahjhan: You will learn nothing from me.
Lilah: Other than that you're his sworn enemy, who brought Holtz back, and when that didn't work out, you came to me. Idiot.
Sahjhan: Hey! You think my life is easy? I'm jumping from one dimension to another. I don't always have sound. Sometimes it's just a visual. Saw you two sitting here all chummy.

Sahjhan: You will pay.
Angel: [Confused] For what?

Angel: You ever hear of a time-traveling demon by the name of Sahjhan?
Wesley: No.
Angel: The guy that brought Holtz here. He thinks I'm his sworn enemy. I don't know him from Adam.

Sahjhan: Not all of us. You do not want the child alive. You want the child dead. That was our arrangement.
Lilah: Yeah. I'm a lawyer. Have you met me? We have a new arrangement. I'm keeping the baby.
Sahjhan: You can't do that!
Lilah: [to the commandos] Ignore the loud mouth with the bad skin. He's impotent in this dimension.

Angel: I'm not interested in what you think!
Lorne: Hey, easy guys!
Angel: [About Wesley] He took my son.
Gunn: I know this is life and death. I'm just saying, let's get...
[Angel grabs Gunn's shirt collar with both hands and pushes him back.]
Angel: He took my son!
Gunn: You better get your damn hands off of me!
Fred: Stop it! Stop it both of you! This isn't helping, damn it! [Pushes them apart] Back off! There is only one thing that matters right now, and that is 'where is Connor?'

[Holtz places his hand directly below baby Connor's neck.]
Holtz: Come any closer and I'll snap his neck!
[Angel comes to a dead stop.]
[All around them commandos are jumping out of their vehicles, cocking their machine guns.]
Holtz: Who are they?
Lilah: They work for me.
Holtz: Ah. The attorney.
Lilah: Yes. You are gonna give us the kid, Captain Holtz.
Angel: Don't!
Lilah: That's cute. You'd rather see the fanatic with the baby than us? [To Holtz] Those are automatic weapons pointed at you. They didn't have them in your time. They fire sixteen bullets per second.
Angel: And if they were going to use them they would have already. They want the baby alive.
Holtz: Something we all have in common.
[The air shivers and Sahjhan appears.]
Sahjhan: Not all of us.

Lilah: Don't shoot.
Angel: Yeah. You really don't want to. Your bullets won't kill me. But mine will kill you and her first.
[Angel looks over at Holtz and Connor.]
Holtz: He'll be dead before I hit the ground.
Angel: I know.
Holtz: So. I'm going to leave now, right? With me, he gets to live, anyone tries to take him, he dies.
Angel: Take him.
Sahjhan: Woah! No! What is wrong of you people?
Holtz: [To Angel] I will take good care of him, as though he were my own son. He'll never even know you existed. Don't come after me. You will though, won't you? Maybe I should just..."
Angel: No. Please.
[Justine looks from Holtz' hand moving closer to Connor's neck to Angel and back.]
Angel: Take him.

Forgiving[edit]

White Room Girl: Hello. Angel. Lilah. [to Lilah] Your fingernails are pretty. I love red. [to Angel] You have a taste for red too... and revenge. I know. It's so much more fun than forgiveness. So what's up?
Angel: A demon named Sahjhan has taken my son.
White Room Girl: [condescendingly] Aww, do you want your little baby back? [Lilah holds Angel back] Baby's gone. You want Sahjhan. Nowadays you can walk right through them, but in the past they were something else. They were all about torture and death. You can relate. Well, they caused a lot of trouble. Don't get me wrong. I like trouble. But I don't like chaos. So we changed them.
Angel: You made them immaterial.
White Room Girl: Smart boy. Now they watch, and they can no longer touch.
Angel: How do you capture them?
White Room Girl: Well, there's your special urn. They're expensive and hard to come by, but quite effective. But you don't want his essence in a jar. You want something you can sink your teeth into. You know these things always come with a price. [viciously] Kill her. [Angel reaches to snap Lilah's neck. The little girl giggles and smiles] That's good for now. [Lilah sighs with relief] I can see why they respect you. Now as to your demon made flesh. It's a big ritual, all here [holds out a paper which transports into Angel's hand]
White Room Girl: [smirking] Can't wait to see how it turns out.

Sahjhan: [after Fred hits him with a torch] Do I look like I need more skin problems?

[Angel visits Wesley in the hospital.]
Angel: Hey, Wes. I just — I want you to know I understand why you did it. I know about the prophecies and I know how hard it must have been for you to… do what you did. You thought I was gonna turn evil and kill my son. I didn't. It's important you know that. This isn't Angelus talking. It's me, Angel. You know that, right?
[Wesley blinks his eyes once]
Angel: Good. [grabs a pillow and shoves it down on Wes' face] Son of a bitch, you're gonna pay for what you did! You took my son! You son of a bitch! You bastard! You think I'd forgive you?! Never! You're gonna die! You hear me? You're gonna pay!
Orderly: [tries to drag Angel off of Wesley] Hey!
Angel: [throws him off] You took my son, YOU TOOK MY SON!
Fred: Stop it!
Angel: You took my son!
Gunn: Angel, stop! [Gunn and the orderlies begin to drag Angel away with success]
Angel: Never! Never!
Gunn: Come on, man! Stop!
Angel: I'll kill you! You're dead! You're a dead man, Pryce! You're dead! I'll kill you! I'll kill you! You're a dead man! Dead! Dead!

Double or Nothing[edit]

Fred: Don't forget your machete.
Gunn: Yes, dear.
Groo: He is very fortunate to have such a woman looking after his weapon.
Lorne: [chuckling] I'm not touchin' that one.

[Fred visits Wesley in the hospital.]
Fred: I brought you some of your stuff from the office. Things there . . . Well. Things. Gunn and I found your notes about the baby. The prophecy. You took him away cause you thought Angel was gonna kill him. You were trying to protect them. Both of them. I just wanted you to know I understand that. And I also wanted to say I thought what Angel tried to do to you was wrong. And I'm sorry. But he was right to blame you, Wesley. You should have come to us. You should have trusted us instead of going to Holtz behind our back. You were supposed to be our friend and you didn't even . . . If Angel sees you again, he'll kill you, Wesley. This time for real. Don't come back to the hotel. Ever. The prophecy was false. Angel was never gonna hurt Connor. It was all for nothing.

Groo: Hail to you potential client!

Cordelia: Wow.
Fred: I know, huh?
Groo: I'm sorry this has come to pass.
Angel: I'm a little confused.
Fred: About what? What was unclear?
Cordelia: Well, upstairs you said you thought Gunn was in danger.
Fred: He is!
Cordelia: And you think that because...?
Fred: He broke up with me!
Cordelia: Oh.
Fred: But not really.
Cordelia: Oh. No?
Fred: No!
Groo: That is good. I am relieved.
Fred: No this is worse. Much worse. I wish he had broken up with me.
Cordelia: Fred, are you sure he didn't? I mean, those things you said he said to you...
Fred: I know I said he said those things to me, but he would never say those things to me.
Cordelia: Those things he said?
Fred: Exactly! That's why I know he's in trouble.
Angel: Let me get this straight. You and Gunn are dating.
Fred: Not any more, I guess!
Cordelia: Fred, honey.
Fred: Don't you see? He hurt me. And the only reason he'd do something like that is to protect me from something. And whatever it is, it's gotta be bad, because this hurts like hell.
Angel: Then I guess we better help him. We are not losing another member of this family.

Cordelia: Angel --
Angel: I know.
Groo: We are surrounded.
Angel: I know.
Fred: We have to save Charles!
Angel: I know!

The Price[edit]

[The AI team is rebuilding Angel's apartment after an earthquake.]
Groo: [gravely] Angel... You and I have fought side by side on more than one occasion. Fellow warriors, shoulder to shoulder. By now, my counsel must assuredly hold weight, so I beseech you to heed my words.
Angel: Mmm… oo-kay…
Groo: Pomegranate Mist is the wrong color for this room.

Groo: Summer Splendor is a hue more worthy of a champion. Or, perhaps this unique one called "purpla".
Angel: Purple. Yet you have no problems pronouncing pomegranate.
Groo: It was my mother's name.
Angel: [sarcastically] What are the odds?

Cordelia: I know you don't want to talk about it but you don't mess with dark magics and expect to just walk away like it doesn't matter.
Angel: Doesn't matter. It was a waste of time.
Cordelia: Still, I should probably know what kind of spell it was. You know there's almost always some cosmic price to using primordial powers. There could be repercussions. And you know the one person who might be able to help us with that isn't around any more.
[Angel gives her a stare.]
Cordelia: Not going there. Just saying..
[Angel walks away.]
Cordelia: You can run away and avoid talking about this but you know as well as I do: stuff we do in the past usually comes back to bite us in our respective assi and what you did...
Angel: Okay, so maybe I wasn't thinking too clearly. I mean I was drunk for awhile there, drunk in my own son's blood, slipped into my food by the good folks at Wolfram and Hart. And my head was little clouded with rage over a trusted friend stealing my child from me.. Damn it Cordelia, you got me talking about this.

Cordelia: [about the pentagram] Oh, I give up. I tried soaking it out, tried scrubbing it out. No question, we've got ring around the lobby. I say we toss in the towel and buy a big-ass throw rug. Who's with me?

Connor: [After arriving through The Portal] Hi, Dad.

A New World[edit]

Gunn: Couple weeks ago, he was wearin' diapers. Now he's a teenager?
Cordelia: Tell me we don't live in a soap opera.

Angel: I'm going underground. Somebody hit the surface streets.
Gunn: We got it, man.
Groo: We will not fail - man.

Groo: Princess, perhaps your newfound powers can seal it shut.
Cordelia: Can't hurt to try. [raises her hands] I command you close! [nothing happens] Okay, I got nothin'.

Groo: Is it dangerous? For Gunn and I can protect you.
Lorne: Well, no, it's not dangerous, it's just awkward. This guy's all hands. I mean, all hands, like fifty of 'em. Anybody fluent in sign language?

Fred: You went to Wesley's for me. He's the one who told you how to save me.
Gunn: Yeah. He made it clear. That's a door none of us is ever going to be knocking on again.

Wesley: Dante's Divine Comedy.
Lilah: Actually, it's just part one. The Inferno. It's not a first edition. More like the 1500s. But it is in the original Tuscan. Have you read it?
Wesley: Several times. [Carelessly tosses the book onto the floor]
Lilah: Then you know it's a guided tour of the underworld. The nine levels of hell.
Wesley: Yes, descending, concentric rings based on the severity of the sin.
Lilah: You know, I always forget. At the very bottom of hell, in the ninth circle, the devil's frozen in ice, right? He's got three heads, three mouths, and these mouths are reserved for the worst sinners. I can't remember, who is in the center mouth? What was his name? The one person in all of human history who was deemed the greatest sinner. Who is it?
Wesley: Judas Iscariot.
Lilah: Right. The worst spot in hell is reserved for those who betray... So don't pretend you're too good to work for us.

Benediction[edit]

Fred: Okay. So he survived an unspeakable hell dimension. Who hasn't? You -- you can't just leave him alone in the streets of Los Angeles!

'[Connor enters the motel room, carrying a newspaper and junk food from the now broken vending machine.]
Connor: I found food in a big metal box outside. - Dad?
Holtz: Oh, good boy. You got it. Now. Let's have a look at the date. [Stares at the paper mutely for a moment] Days. We've been gone only days.

Lorne: [about Angel doing nothing with regards to Connor's return] Sometimes nothing is the best something. If a thing's meant to be, sometimes it's best to just let it happen, rather than try to force it.
Groo: But if a thing is meant to be, how can it be forced?
Lorne: Well, I guess it can't.
Groo: And if a thing is not meant to be?
Lorne: Well, then it really can't. Just 'cause someone hops a dimension or two is no guarantee things will work out. [realises that this also applies to Groo's relationship with Cordelia] Well, aren't you just sneaky with the subtext?
Groo: [walking towards the exit] It is a beautiful day. If my princess asks, tell her I have gone for a walk. [stops walking; turns to face Lorne] If she asks. [leaves]

Fred: Looks like we've been following Angel's son's emissions the whole time!
Gunn: Now there's a sentence I don't ever need to hear again.
Fred: But this is good, right? It means there was no big scary that came out of the portal...
[Sees Holtz.]
Gunn: How 'bout a short scary?

Lorne: Oh, hey, kiddo. I didn't see you there. You looking for your dad? Come on. He's upstairs. I'll show you the room. - This way.
Connor: I'm not going anywhere with you, demon.
Lorne: I'll tell you what, since you were raised in a hell dimension by a psychopath, and since that happens to be a topic that I know a little something about, we'll just let that slide. Now I'll fetch your pop for you.
Connor: Filthy demon.
Lorne: Actually, that's UNCLE filthy demon to you. It wasn't that long ago, like a week, I was changing your diapers, you little...

[Holtz is sitting at the table in the motel room. He folds a piece of paper and sticks it into an envelope.]
Holtz: I can't recall. Would you require an invitation for a place like this?
[Angel is standing in the open door behind Holtz.]
Angel: Public accommodation? [Steps across the threshold] No.
Holtz: No. You'd think I'd remember something like that. It would have seemed important once. Details begin to escape me.
[Angel gives the door a push so it closes behind him then grabs Holtz by the throat and slams him up against the wall.]
Angel: You stole my son.
Holtz: I kept your son alive. You murdered mine.
[After a beat Angel slowly backs off and withdraws his hand from Holtz' throat.]
Angel: I was different then.
Holtz: Yes. So was I. You feel remorse. You feel remorse yet you can't express it.
Angel: You want me to say I'm sorry? How can I? It wouldn't mean a thing.
Holtz: It would mean a little. Not much, but it would be something.
Angel: Then I'm sorry. For whatever little it might mean. It's all I've got.
[Angel stands still, looking straight ahead, not at Holtz.]
Holtz: Not all. You had a son. So there it is. I thought by depriving you of that son it would allow me some measure of justice. I was wrong.
Angel: Taking Connor from me was never justice. It was vengeance.
Holtz: Or maybe vengeance is what I do now. Give back what I took.
Angel: What?
Holtz: I'm an old man now. I have nothing to offer the boy. You can give him what I can't: his purpose. But every time you look upon his face every time he calls you 'father' you will be reminded of that which you took and can never give back. And if that is vengeance, I find I have no taste for it. [He picks up the letter and holds it out to Angel.] All I ask is that you give him this. It's not sealed. I expect you'll examine it. You should.
Angel: Why are you doing this?
Holtz: I thought I'd made that plain. I love my son. [Angel closes his eyes for a moment] And this is the only way I know to ensure that he will go on loving me.
[Angel takes a hold of the letter and turns to look at Holtz. After a moment he pulls the letter out of Holtz' hand and turns to leave.]
Holtz: He won't accept this at first. He'll try to find me. He never will.
[Angel opens the door and slowly walks out.]

Holtz: [voiceover] Dearest Stephen, this is a most difficult letter for me to write. You mean more to me than anything in this world or any other. But your best interests must come first, which is why by the time you receive this, I will be gone. I hope one day you will be able to forgive an old man's weakness, which compels him to say these things in a letter. But to attempt a good-bye in your presence would be impossible for me. I fear I would never let you go. And I must let you go. I know that if I didn't you would only end up hating me. And that I could not bear. Your destiny lies with Angel. I know that now. You will have a better life with him. I'm comforted by that certainty and the knowledge that with him you will discover your true purpose and come to know who it is you are meant to be. My only prayer is that I have prepared you well enough for whatever lies ahead. I trust that I have. Be brave. Lovingly, your father.

Tomorrow[edit]

Groo: Might I further relieve you by at first gently and then more rapidly rubbing your schlug-tee?
Cordelia: Uh, I don't really, um... Maybe later at home. [whispers] I don't feel comfortable doing it in the office, Groo.
Groo: Doing it?
Cordelia: Sex.
Groo: [too loudly] Oh, you wish to have sex!
Cordelia: What? No! Shh!
Groo: I was proposing a massage of your schlug-tee. Your tense neck muscle. But, it is always an honor to make sex with you! [whispers] Later at home. I understand perfectly.

Angel: I found Holtz.
Cordelia: And?
Angel: I didn't kill him.
Cordelia: Maybe you're growing as a person.

Angel: I don't even own a TV. He's gonna wanna watch TV. Not too much, I mean, after homework and chores. He's gonna need clothes, weekly allowance... What's good nowadays? Fifty cents, a dollar?
Cordelia: Yeah. If you're Tom Sawyer painting the fence.
Angel: See? I'm so out of touch.

Cordelia: Well, what about rebuilding your club here?
Lorne: Well, that's a great idea, pixiecat, except every time I do, you all seem to destroy it.
Cordelia: It was only [pauses and looks ashamed] three times.

Angel: Someday you'll learn the truth, and you'll hate yourself. Don't. It's not your fault. I don't blame you.
Connor: Liar!
Angel: Listen to me. I love you. Never forget that. [shouting now as the coffin is sealed] Connor! Never forget that I'm your father, and I love you.

Season 4[edit]

Deep Down[edit]

Lorne: Back in Pylea, they used to call me 'sweet potato'.
Connor: Really?
Lorne: Yeah, well, the exact translation was 'fragrant tuber', but...

Wesley: To family.
Angel: To family.
Lorne: As long as it's not mine.

[Wesley steers a small ship across the dark ocean.]
Justine: So, what's it gonna be tonight, captain? Bicycle, old tire, or maybe we'll get real lucky and catch us nice shopping cart. Here's a wacky thought: why don't you swim down there yourself?
[Wesley flips a switch and looks down at a readout.]
Wesley: No contact. We'll try the next grid.
[He walks over to the map laid out on the table and makes some markings.]
Justine: You really think finding Angel is going to change anything?
Wesley: Everything changes.
Justine: Well, I guess anything is better than sitting around in my cage all day with nothing to do but to fill my bucket.
Wesley: Perhaps you should have considered that before slitting my throat.
[He walks back to the steering wheel.]
Justine: The great Wesley Wyndham-Price, the shining beacon of all that's good and pure. But wait, no! That's before he started banging the enemy and keeping slave-girl in his closet.
Wesley: You were always a slave, Justine. You just couldn't see the chains.
Justine: Thanks, Swami, I'll meditate on that.
Wesley: You think she would be disappointed?
Justine: Who?
Wesley: Your sister. That's where it all began, isn't it? Sister murdered by a vampire, consumed by a need of revenge...
Justine: For justice!
Wesley: Is that what you call it? Turning a son against his father.
Justine: Angel got what he deserved.
Wesley: We all get what we deserve. You and Holtz deserved each other. You two have so much in common. Pain, loss, deep seated lack of anything approaching humor.
Justine: I don't know. We had a few laughs. Getting you to steal Angel's baby, now that was a good one.
Wesley: Better than tricking Connor into sinking his father to the bottom of the ocean?
Justine: Well, that was worth a couple of yuks, too.
Wesley: Not much of a plan though, was it, really? Easy to figure out which door to kick in when Angel went missing. And not much harder to persuade you to betray everything Holtz had given his life for. Not that it was worth very much. Well, you should know. You're the one that ended it.
[Justine picks up the wrench that was holding down the maps and hauls back to hit the back of Wesley's head.]
Wesley: [Without turning to look] I'll take away your bucket.
[Justine tosses the wrench back on the table.]

Fred: Marissa, stop. We just wanna talk.
Marissa: I don't know anything.
Gunn: You psychic?
Marissa: No.
Gunn: Then shut up and let us ask the question first.

Gunn: If he ain't dead, I'm gonna kill him!!

Angel: Life should be beautiful and bright but no matter how hard I try, everything I touch turns to ashes.

Angel: Sit down.
Connor: You're too weak to take me.
Angel: You really think that?
[Connor looks at Angel for another moment, then turns, picks up the chair, slams it down on the floor, and sits facing Angel. Gunn begins to stir and sit up. Angel lowers himself into a chair across from Connor with a slight sigh.]
Angel: So, how was your summer? Mine was fun. Saw some fish, went mad with hunger, hallucinated a whole bunch.
Connor: You deserved worse.
Angel: Because I killed Holtz, except I didn't. I tried telling you that while you were busy offshore dumping me, but I didn't know the whole score. Holtz killed himself. Actually he had your buddy Justine do it with an ice pick. Just to make you hate me.
Connor: Even if, you still deserved it.
Angel: What I deserve is open to debate. But understand there is a difference between wishing vengeance on someone and taking it. So now the questions becomes: what do you deserve?
[Connor suddenly jumps up from his chair and runs for the door, but Angel intercepts him, tossing him against the wall.]
Angel: Daddy's not finished talking.
[He crouches down next to where Connor sits, scrunched up against the wall.]
Angel: Wesley told me everything that's been going on. So, as far as I'm concerned what you deserve rests on one answer: [Angel leans in closer.] Did you do something to Cordelia?
Connor: No.
Fred: He's lying.
Connor: No, I'm not!
Gunn: No way she just happened to disappear the same night.
Connor: I'm telling the truth, okay?
Angel: I know. You've done enough lying for me to know the difference. The truth has a better sound to it, less nasal, you know? Get up. [Connor stands up.] I can tell. What you did to me… was unbelievable, Connor. But then, I got stuck in a hell dimension by my girlfriend one time for a hundred years, so three months under the ocean actually gave me perspective. Kind of a M. C. Esher perspective — but I did get time to think. About us, about the world. Nothing in the world is the way it ought to be. It's harsh, and cruel. But that's why there's us. Champions. It doesn't matter where we come from, what we've done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be. You're not a part of that yet. I hope you will be. I love you, Connor. Now get out of my house.

[Angel sways on his feet then leans against the wall. Fed and Gunn run over to him.]
Fred: Angel!
Angel: All that talking really takes it out of you.
Fred: You need rest.
Angel: I need Cordy, now. Wherever she is, whatever she's going through, we have to find her. [panning out to the sky]
Cordelia: [glowing among other higher beings] God, I am so bored.

Ground State[edit]

Wesley: I don't need to hear your evil plans.
Lilah: No, it just turns you on, knowing I have them.
Wesley: Shut up, Lilah.
Lilah: Make me.

[Angel and Gunn are using a rope to climb up the side of a building.]
Gunn: Damn! This is so much harder than it looks on Batman.

Angel: Who are you?
Gwen: Who are you?
Angel: I asked you first.
Gwen: What are you, seven?
Angel: Tell me you're not here for the Axis.
Gwen: I'm not here for the Axis.
Angel: You're lying.
Gwen: I'm fibbing. It's lying, only classier.

Lilah: Look, Angel, I know you've been out of the loop for a while, but I'm still evil. I don't do errands. Unless they're evil errands.
Angel: I think you'll do this one.
Lilah: Why? What's in it for me?
Angel: Just this once, I'll ignore the fact that you're within 50 yards of my son. Just this once.

The House Always Wins[edit]

Cordelia: Oh my god? You can hear me? I so love you.

[ Lorne is the headline act at a Las Vegas casino.]
Gunn: Nobody seems to be bothered by the fact that he's a demon.
Fred: They must think it's all makeup, like the Blue Man Group. You don't think… the Blue Man Group…
Angel: Only two of them.

Angel: This place was so much friendlier when the mob ran it.

Slouching Toward Bethlehem[edit]

Cordelia: That's everything? It all makes perfect sense now. I was a cheerleader, a princess and a warrior. And I have visions and super powers and I'm the target of an evil law firm because I've spent the last three months living on a higher plane, fighting for the forces of good, who wage a battle against demons and evilies and squishy bug babies, 'cause all that stuff's real and that's the world I live in. And-and I think I know why I don't remember any of this 'cause, hey, who'd want to!
Lorne: Um, [offers his glass to her] sea breeze?
Angel: I know it's a lot to take in.
Cordelia: Says the vampire with a soul and his wacky gang of sidekicks.
Gunn: [raises his hand] Um, not a sidekick.

[Wesley and Lilah are laying in bed, sleepily chatting.]
Wesley: So Angel knows about our relationship. Big deal.
Lilah: A dollar! You owe me a dollar!
Wesley: Oh, damn!
Lilah: You called this a 'relationship'. [sing-song voice] You lost the be-et. You said it fir-irst. [Wesley hands her a dollar] Sign it first, as proof.
Wesley: Proof of what?
Lilah: Of now. Of this. [she nuzzles his nose; they kiss]

Angel: What if Wolfram and Hart came back? What if there were hundreds of those things? What if this is the way it starts? I mean, the slouching and the Bethlehem. And they've taken her because of what she knows—even if she can't remember she knows it.
Fred: Have you been caffeinating your blood again, or is there something you're not telling us?

Fred: Is that why you ran out while Cordelia was singing?
Lorne: Well, "A", I wasn't running, I was fleeing. And, "B", yes.
Gunn: Well, how horrible is this thing?
Lorne: Well, I haven't read the Book of Revelations lately, but, if I was searching for adjectives, I'd probably start there.
Fred: Was that all you saw?
Lorne: That was the tip of the 'berg, pumpkin nut. What I got from Cordy was dense. A big, fat, tummy-clinching onion from hell. The more layers you peel, the more you cry. Or vomit, in this case.

Supersymmetry[edit]

[Lilah has just arrived at Wesley's apartment with a present.]
Wesley: Well, look, a bribe. How thoughtful. Oh, wait, can't be a bribe. Must be a setup.

Fred: I'm between Ed Whitten and Brian Greene!
[Angel and Gunn look bemused]
Fred: Think Nomar Garciaparra and Sammy Sosa.
[Gunn whistles]
Angel: Looks like Fred skipped the Minors and went straight to the show...

[rips the roof off Lilah's convertible]
Angel: That's cool. The top just comes right off.

Lilah: You know Angel, coming from you, idle threats are so, well, idle.
Angel: You remember when I ripped your car in half?
Lilah: Yeah, yeah. Hulk smash.

Angel: They talk about me in the chatty rooms?

Spin the Bottle[edit]

[Gunn tries to understand the grim changes in Wesley.]
Gunn: What happened to you, man?
Wesley: I had my throat cut and all my friends abandoned me.

Cordelia: [seeing Angel for the first time.] Hello, salty goodness!

Wesley: Perhaps the whole point of this experiment is hair!
Gunn: I vote he's not in charge.

Lorne: In the meanwhile, guess what I'm doing for fun.
[Cut to Wesley duct-taping Lorne to the lobby bench while Gunn and Cordelia look on.]
Gunn: I say we cut his head off.
Wesley: He may have information we need. When he wakes up—
Gunn: When he wakes up, we don't even know if this tape is gonna hold him. I say we cut his damn head off.
Wesley: Thank you very much, Marie Antionette.
Gunn: What'd you call me?
Cordelia: Hey! Hey, you two want to stop the homo-erotic buddy cop session long enough to explain this?

[Wesley and Gunn are wrestling.]
Cordelia: [to Angel] Are you going to stop this?
Angel: High time the English got what's coming to 'em. I'm rooting for the slave!

Wesley: The cross obviously doesn't affect me, or our friend the pugilist.
Gunn: Oh, your ass better pray I don't look that word up.

Angel: Cordelia? Were we in love?
Cordelia: We were.

Apocalypse, Nowish[edit]

[Lilah is sitting on Wesley's table, dressed up as Fred.]
Lilah, as Fred: Forget about that evil witch. Let's talk about me. I'm good, and pure, and science turns me on, and one day, if I pray hard enough and eat all my vegetables, I just might have hips!
Wesley: Are you finished?
Lilah: Did it turn you on? Watching her up there in front of all those braniacs knowing she was the smartest one in the room?
Wesley: Her theories deserve attention.
Lilah: Just her theories? I saw the way you looked at her. Oh, come on. Do you think I care about your little crush? Moon all you want of the Texas twig 'cause I know whose bed you'll be crawling into at the end of the day. Or the middle of it.
Wesley: You think you know me?
Lilah: Better than she ever will.

Lilah: You're not getting anything out of me this time either.
Angel: Didn't think I would. But Gavin, he was more accommodating. [gesturing to a bound and gagged Gavin]
Lilah: [chuckles quietly] Couldn't you have at least tortured him a little bit more?
Angel: I really wanted to, but he wouldn't stop talking long enough for me to get into it.
Lilah: I have a cure for that.
Angel: Vindict on your own time. I'm kinda on the clock here.

Angel: The enemy of my enemy...
Lilah: Can kiss my ass too.

Lorne: I hate to be a the little demon that cried "Apocalypse Nowish"...

Habeas Corpses[edit]

Wesley: There is a line, Lilah. Black and white, good and evil.
Lilah: Funny thing about black and white — you mix it together and you get gray. And it doesn't matter how much white you try and put back in, you're never gonna get anything but gray. And I don't see your Texas gal-pal wearing that color. Come to think of it, she prefers black.

Wesley: [hearing screams] What's that?
Lilah: Oh, it's the fat lady singing.

Connor: What's a zombie?
Angel: It's an undead thing.
Connor: Like you?
Angel: No, zombies are slow-moving, dimwitted things that crave human flesh.
Connor: Like you.

Cordelia: I'm just glad that everyone's safe and together again.
Angel: Me too. Now take your new boyfriend and get the hell out of here.
Cordelia: [whispers] Oh God!

Long Day's Journey[edit]

Gwen: Demon, okay? The whole nine: cloven feet and horns and teeth and… he wasn't wearing lamé, though.
Lorne: Yeah, the evil ones can't pull it off. It gets camp.

Gwen: Jeez. Where were you when they taught stealth in superpower school?

Angel: What are you doing here?
Manny: Standing in the remains of my fallen brethren trying not to have an anxiety attack. Who are you two?
Angel: I'm Angel. That's Gwen. You got a name?
Manny: I am Manjet. Sacred guardian of the Shen, keeper of the Orb of Ma'at, and devotee of light. Off hours I like Manny.

Manny: Look, it's probably just a few hours 'til this guy catches up with me. I want to spend my last moments with my oldest, dearest friends down at the, uh, Pink Pony Lounge. [leers at Gwen] I'll buy you a lap dance if I can watch.
Angel: Forget that. We can take you someplace safe, Manny. We can protect you.
Manny: Right, Superhunk and Spandexia. This thing takes out Mesektet, and you two are going to protect me?
Angel: I don't see anyone else lined up for the job.
Manny: You think she'd give me a lap dance?

Wesley: As far as evil plans go, it doesn't suck.

Wesley: There's only one way we're going to defeat this Beast. We need Angelus.

Awakening[edit]

The Beast: We could rule this world. Why do you oppose me?
Angel: Rain of fire. Blocking out the sun. And you just kinda piss me off.

Angel: Easy. . . Easy. . .
Cordelia: What are those? Holiday decorations left over from some. . . S&M bondage party?
Angel: [Angel sets off a bell and wooden spikes close together] Wood. Why did it have to be wood?
Wesley: We have to pass through the corridor without ringing any of the bells.
Cordelia: [sighs; looks down at her chest] I knew you two would get me in trouble some day.

Cordelia: We just gotta find a way to bring back the sun.
Fred: Working on it. Failing miserably, but working on it.

[Angel has reluctantly agreed to release Angelus]
Angel: We're gonna need a cage.
Lorne: Cage?
Angel: A strong one. About ten-by-twelve, steel reinforced. Two inch bars, maybe three. I'll make some calls.
Gunn: What, he thinks something like that's going to hold the Beast?
Wesley: It's not for the Beast. It's for him.

[Angel is preparing to have his soul removed]
Angel: Connor, I know you like to think of me as the enemy. If this works, I will be. I'm going to become the one thing you were raised to believe I was. The thing I never, ever, wanted you to see.

Soulless[edit]

Angelus: [singing] If you go into the woods tonight, you won't believe your eyes. If you go into the woods tonight, you're in for a big surprise...

Angelus: You've got no leverage. What are you going to do? Kill me?
Wesley: If I have to.
Angelus: (laughing) Wait til they drop, Wes. Then try that line again.

[Connor walks up to the cage where Angelus is sitting on the floor in a dark corner. Connor just glares at Angelus.]
Connor: Everyone's afraid of you.
Angelus: Is that my shirt?
Connor: Not anymore.
Angelus: Looks good on you, son.
Connor: [smirks] So did Cordy.
Angelus: She looks good on everybody.
Connor: Angel warned me about you. Said I should remember you're not my real father.
Angelus: Yeah, that was a nice speech. Touching. I think it ended with you promising to kill me.
Connor: I remember.
Angelus: Kind of unnecessary, don't you think? I mean, with your track-record, I'll be staking myself by the end of the day.
Connor: It's fine by me.
Angelus: Darla felt the same way. It made her sick, you squirming inside her. So, she jammed a stake in her own heart, just so she wouldn't have to hear your first whiny breath.
Connor: You don't know anything.
Angelus: Then there was Holtz. It disappointed him so much that he stabbed himself in the neck.
Connor: My fa...Holtz was a good man. All he ever wanted was for you to get the punishment you deserve. And you will.
Angelus: When you think about it, the first woman you boned is the closest thing you've ever had to a mother. (gasps) Screwing your mom and trying to kill your dad. Hmm...there should be a play.
Connor: You think I care what you say? Angel told me how you'd try to hurt me, how you aren't my real dad, just some animal in a cage. Angel's my dad.
Angelus: I'm gonna cry.
Connor: That's what he told me. And he thought I believed him. The truth is, Angel's just something that you're forced to wear. You're my real father.

Angelus: Ooh, yeah, let's talk about Cordy. Now there's a rack to write home about. Too bad about that personality, though... yap, yap, yap...

Wesley: I've imagined this moment many times. I've read everything ever written about you.
Angelus: Stop, I'm blushing.
Wesley: To be one-on-one with the legendary Angelus. As a former watcher, it's a high point.
Angelus: Buttering me up. Getting me all relaxed, hm? Not the most innovative interrogation technique, but... OK, I'll play.
Wesley: Is it a game?
Angelus: Hey, open book. Anything you want to know. How sweet that virgin gypsy tasted. The special smell of a newborn's neck. My first nun--now that's a great story.
Wesley: We could start there.
Angelus: Don't be coy, Wes. You're just dying to know about the big Beastie. Fire away.
Wesley: All right. Did you know the Beast?
Angelus: Well, now that's a question. Not a great question. Not even an insightful question. Not a Wyndham-Pryce-worthy question.

[Lorne, Gunn, Fred, and Cordelia are watching Wesley and Angelus on the monitor set up on the front desk.]
Angelus: [on monitor] Come on, Wes. Not like your schoolgirl crush is a secret.
Fred: Charles, remember, we can't believe anything Angelus says.
Gunn: How 'bout the stuff that's true? Can we believe that?
Cordelia: He distorts everything. He lies with the truth. It's part of what makes him so dangerous.
Lorne: Yeah, don't let him get to you, kiwi.
Gunn: He's not the only one that's gettin'.
Fred: Charles...
Gunn: I know. I know.
Fred: It's just words.
Wesley: [on monitor] You've found a vulnerability, exploited it. Well done. Can we move on now?
Angelus: I'm just getting started.

Angelus: [on monitor] Which do you think is worse, Wes? Stealing my kid like you did, or banging him, like Cordelia.
[Fred looks at Cordelia then at Gunn, Lorne shakes his head, Cordelia just stares at the monitor deadpan.]
Angelus: All that bumping and grinding. Fire raining in the sky. Quite a picture. Well, more of a snapshot, 'cause Connor...
Fred: Now, that's just ridiculous. Connor's Angel's son. It'd be like sleeping with your own...
[Lorne gestures that she stop.]
Fred: Oh.
Angelus: [on monitor] At least you thought you were doing the right thing. Hey, who's a guy gotta kill to get a drink around here?

[Fred and Gunn walk down the stairs with blood for Angelus. Gunn's carrying a crossbow.]
Angelus: Othello and Desdemona. My favorite couple. Oh, wait, Desdemona wasn't in love with the other guy. So much for stand by your man. Then again, you probably like her on her knees.
Gunn: Keep talking. I'll sweep out the cage when I'm done.
Angelus: Oh. Provocative. Get me all riled up. You think that's what your boss would want?
Gunn: Don't have a boss.
Angelus: You might want to tell Wesley that. Ah, Fred. You look all fresh and sweet, but I hear you at night in your room with Gunn. The things you say. I'm lying there, listening, hands under the covers... I can't help myself. It's so... gripping.
Gunn: This coming from a guy who can't get any. Ever.
Fred: You're a pig.
Gunn: Step back.
[Angelus steps back, and Fred pushes the cart up to the bars. She stands there, holding the cart, waiting for Angelus to take the glass of blood. He picks up the glass, eyeing Fred who won't even look at him. When she finally meets his gaze, he kicks the cart forward, causing Fred to fall forward on it where he can reach her. He pulls her up, her back toward him, and puts his arm around her neck.]
Angelus: Might get some now. I like the way you move, Fred. Do it just a little to the left.
Fred: Charles...
Gunn: Get off her!
Angelus: Come on, Charles, save her! Come on! Save, her Charles!
[Angelus is interrupted when he's hit in the arm with a tranquilizer dart shot by Wesley, who's standing on the stairs. Angelus's grip loosens and Fred steps away from the bars into Gunn's waiting arms. Wesley shoots Angelus again, in the chest this time. Angelus looks at the dart, then collapses backwards.]

Cordelia: You and I are gonna make a deal.
Angelus: Tough. Did you practice that in front of the mirror a few times? Lemme guess. You want to know about the Beast.
Cordelia: Everything you know.
Angelus: Oh. And in return, I get what? (paces) Wouldn't mind a car. I hear the new Mustang is nice.
Cordelia: Something better.
Angelus: What's a better ride than a Mustang?
Cordelia: Me.
Angelus: You?
Cordelia: That's the offer. No more stalling, no more games. You tell us what you know, you get me.
Angelus: Must be some confusion. You took out the soul. Still have the brain.
Cordelia: Then use it. The Beast, the darkness,the world is falling apart. We're out of time, we're out of ideas. You're the end of the line.
Angelus: Wes was better at buttering me up.
Cordelia: You know what it means to be a champion.
Angelus: I'm trying so hard to forget.
Cordelia: Sometimes a sacrifice needs to be made.
Angelus: And you're the little lamb. Not that there aren't a few things I wouldn't mind doing to that body. Other than the obvious.
Cordelia: Tell us about the Beast, and you can do whatever you want.
Angelus: You're lying.
Cordelia: Look in my eyes. Angel knows me. You know me. Better than anyone. So, when you look at me, you know I'm not lying.

Angelus: Here I thought you'd be halfway to Georgia by now.
Cordelia: I told you I'd be back. I'm back.
Angelus: How'd the little field trip turn out? Priestesses still feisty?
Cordelia: We found a little boy, his sister, mom, dad, grandma. All dead.
Angelus: Oh, God! I'm always missing the fun stuff.
Cordelia: The Beast butchered them.
Angelus: So? Did you bring me back a souvenir? Maybe a stray baby toe? (chuckles, stands) Come on, Cordy. Where's your sense of humor?
Cordelia: Guess I lost it.
Angelus: Well, don't blame me for our little debacle. I told you everything I know.
Cordelia: Too late.
Angelus: And who's fault is that? Doesn't matter. I showed you mine. Now it's time to show me yours.
Cordelia: The deal was: you give us information, we save the world, you get me. Well, world not saved.

Angelus: You're not thinking I'm just gonna let this go?
Cordelia: Not seeing a whole lot of other options. With the big steel cage and all.
Angelus: Won't be in here forever.
Cordelia: 'Bout another hour. Forgot to tell you the best part. We're putting your soul back.
Angelus: Not gonna happen.
Cordelia: Oh, but it is. Just in time for the primo apocalypse that's coming. Too bad. I know how you love those.
Angelus: Been looking forward to it all day. Still am.
Cordelia: Thing is, you're never coming back. Angel's going to make sure of that.
Angelus: We'll see.
Cordelia: What you don't get, Angelus, is that you're nobody. Just a disease. And Angel can't wait to be rid of you.
Angelus: I think I'll start with the twins. I just love a woman with nice ripe thighs.
[He suddenly reaches out to grab Cordelia, but misses her by less than an inch. Cordelia doesn't even flinch.]
Cordelia: Not even close.
[Cordelia smirks and walks away]
Angelus: The more you piss me off, the longer I'll keep you alive. Oh, something tells me she's a screamer.

Cordelia: OK, let's...
[She notices the look of shock on everyone's face.]
Cordelia: What?
Fred: Angel's soul. It's gone.

Calvary[edit]

[A guard flies through the door and lands in a heap.]
Shaman: Must acquire better guards.

Gunn: Now, instead of just worryin' about big bad rock-eater, we got Darth Vampire livin' in the basement.

Lilah: I just — I just want my life back. All my pretty things. I'm selfish that way. That's why we wouldn't have worked out.
Wesley: [softly] There are many reasons why we wouldn't have worked out, Lilah.

Angelus: Look at yourself, Lilah. All these years, wanting to see me. You couldn't run a comb through your hair, maybe slap on a little lipstick? Evil doesn't have to mean sloppy.

Lilah: You wanna kill the Beast and give his boss a run for his evil? The answer is downstairs in a cage. Set Angelus on it.
Cordelia: Do you know what Angelus would do if we let him out?
Lilah: Kill you all in a bloody shower of violence, but hey! Greater good!

Lilah: He's gonna kill us.
Cordelia: I know. (stabs Lilah to death) Why'd you think I let him out, you stupid bitch?

Salvage[edit]

Wesley: We need you.
Faith: Well, uh, hate to wet the paper for you Wes, but I'm kinda unavailable right now. Maybe you wanna check back in a few decades when my parole comes up.
Wesley: You need to know...
Faith: It's Armageddon again. I dig. Last thing you need's me in the mix. Besides, Angel comes shinin' through in the end like he always does.
Wesley: Angel's gone, Faith. Angelus is back.
[long pause]
Faith: Step away from the glass.

Faith: (after jumping from a 3-story window and smashing a car rooftop) You okay?
Wesley: Five by five.

Faith: I'm not gonna kill him, Wesley. Angelus. Don't care what you thought you sprung me for, Angel's the only one in my life that never gave up on me. There's no way I'm giving up on...
Wesley: I know. That's why it had to be you.

Wesley: Feel natural?
Faith: Eh, it's like riding a biker.

Faith: He'll do what I tell him.
Connor: (sarcastically) Yeah, sure I will.
Faith: (after an exchange of blows) I get it, you're a super-being. (another flurry ensues ending with Faith's crossbow at Connor's throat) Are you a murderer? Cause I am. And if it comes down to you or Angelus, you haven't shown me a thing to want to take your side. (Connor reluctantly leaves)
Gunn: I like her.

Wesley: How do you expect to find Angelus without Connor?
Faith: The old-fashioned way. Kid's not the only tracker. Something'll turn up. Trail of bodies. A telltale clue.
[sees a big sign that says "Welcome Faith"]
Faith: Maybe a carpet fiber.

Release[edit]

Angelus: Rah rah! Good over evil! Do what must be done! Hang in there, kitten, it's almost Friday!

Waitress: Compliments of the lady.
[Gestures to a lady at the bar who raises her glass toward Angelus, wholooks at the lady at the bar, then back to his friends .]
Angelus: Yeah, as if. Anyway, I couldn't believe how easy it was luring the slayer into my little welcome home from prison party.
Vampire1: Wish I could have been there when she saw the Beast.
Angelus: The guy wasn't gonna win any personality contests, but he put on a good show. Slapped her around real nice.
Vampire2: Like a little bunny?
Angelus: Bloody, whimpering bunny. Once she was tenderized, I gave Rocko the shaft. Never saw it coming, dumbass.
Demon: Yeah, soul-boy. Nice job, bringing the sun back.
[Angelus overhears the demon at the bar. He smirks and the other vampires at the table are frozen in fear. Angelus stands and goes up to the demon. The demon turns to look at Angelus.]
Demon: Oh, hey, Angelus. Buy you a warm one?
Angelus: Maybe after.
Demon: After what?
Angelus: After I rip out your windpipe so it stops making that annoying talky sound.
Demon: Wait! I have a condition. Whoop! Goh, boy! Dirty bitch! Tourettes. You've heard of it, right?
Angelus: Yeah, causes uncontrollable impulses...like yanking out throats.
[Squeezes on the demon's throat.]
Demon: Oh! oh oh...
[Suddenly Angelus hears a mysterious imposing, echoy voice.]
Beastmaster: Hello, Angelus. It's time we had that talk.

[after Faith destroys part of Wesley's bathroom wall]
Faith: Sorry about your bathroom.
Wesley: It's not the bathroom I'm worried about. Although, I'm sure my security deposit is a complete loss.

Beastmaster: Destruction sometimes is its own reward.
Angelus: Hey, man, you're preaching to the guy who ate the choir. Wait, it was you, wasn't it? You pulled just the wrong strings to make them think it was their idea. Got 'em to yank that white, fluffy soul, and stuff it in a jar, and then gone, baby, gone.
Beastmaster: Couldn't risk them putting it back in you. I have wonderful plans for you, my sweet boy.
Angelus: Um, yeah, but the thing is, as far as plans go, I make my own. So, you know, thanks for stopping by my head.
Beastmaster: You would dare to defy me?
Angelus: Defy who? A big scary voice? Whoa! Hey, I got one of those, too. You wanna hear it? [cups his hands over his mouth] You can kiss my vampire ass! [talking normal again] That do anything for ya?

Beastmaster: Angelus!
[Angelus stands, holds his hands to his ears.]
Angelus: Hello, volume!
Beastmaster: I am not well pleased!
Angelus: I am not well deaf.
Beastmaster: Do you think me blind, little man? That I don't see every move before you decide to make it? Dare to seek me out again, and your insolence will be punished ten-fold.
Angelus: Yeah, what're you gonna do, huh? Give me a migraine? You ethereal types with your big, swinging omniscience. When push comes to shove, though, you gotta send some overgrown slag-heap to do your dirty work. Ooh, that's real spooky. Oh, that's great! You made me lose my shopkeeper.
Beastmaster: This isn't the way, my sweet. We should be friends, you and I.
Angelus: No, and I'll tell you why. One, because, you know, I'm evil, so the friends thing, that's out. And two, if I did have any friends, they sure as hell wouldn't be living inside my head.
Beastmaster: Like you're forced to live inside Angel's? Because you're the voice in there, aren't you? Just beneath the surface, buried under all that goodness, fully conscious, fully aware, but trapped. Unable to move or speak, powerless to act on your desires. So thirsty, so helpless...it must be agony.
Angelus: I'm getting real bored with this game.
Beastmaster: Then how 'bout a round of show-and-tell? Soul, soul, who has your soul? Oh, right.
[The jar containing Angel's soul appears on a table in front of Angelus]
Beastmaster: Me.
[Angelus lunges for the jar and tries to grab it, but his hands go right through it like it was a mirage.]
Angelus: More smoke and mirrors?
Beastmaster: Only a glamour, yes, but I assure you, my sweet, this very moment I hold the real thing in the palms of my very corporeal hands, and I will restore it if you don't behave. I'll put you back in your box, Angelus, and bury you so far inside Angel, you'll never claw your way out again.
[looks pained, stares at the ceiling]
Angelus: All right. What do you want me to do... [grits his teeth] ...master?

Demon: Look, I'm telling ya, I don't know nothing. On my mother's tumor.
[Notices another demon sneaking up behind Wesley and Faith, intending to attack them; then cockily.]
Demon:And even if I did, I'd never yak to a couple of fleshbags that are about to get their internal organs sucked out of their
[Without looking Wesley shoots behind him with the shotgun, nailing the would-be attacker in the face.]
Wesley: Strom demon. Face should grow back. [Cocks the shotgun] Eventually.
Faith: Think yours will?
Demon: Oh, that Angelus. Yeah, in here all the time running his mouth. "Look at me, I'm so evil." Real jackass. Never liked him. I'm on your side.

[Faith goes to the side of a woman who's nearly passed out on a couch.]
Faith: Hey, I'm gonna get you out of here.
[Wesley picks up a hypodermic syringe from the floor.]
Wesley: Faith...
Faith: Can you walk?
Girl: No, but I can fly.
Faith: What did they do to her?
Wesley: She did it to herself. They shoot up, the vampires feed, use 'em like a filter. I've read the effects can be quite intoxicating...for both of them.
Girl: [to Faith] Hey, you're pretty. You wanna make out?
[Faith grabs the girl by the collar and pushes her roughly against the wall.]
Faith: There was a vampire in here earlier. Tall, dark hair... [the girl's eyes drift, but Faith grabs her face] Listen!
Girl: OK. God! What's your issue?
Faith: Tall, dark hair, talking to himself.
Girl: Let go!
[Faith punches the girl in the face.]
Faith': Did you see him?
Girl: No, I didn't. Stop it, you're hurting me!
[Faith looks at the girl, gets a disturbed look on her face, and lets the girl go.]
Faith: She doesn't know anything.
Wesley: Maybe not.
[Wesley takes out a knife and stabs the girl in the shoulder, making her gasp in pain.]
Faith: What are you doing, Wes?
Wesley: [to Faith] Shut up! [to the girl] The tracks on your arms--you've been here, what, two or three days straight? [twists the knife] Answer me!
Girl: Yeah, God, stop! Yes four...four days.
Wesley: Then you must've seen the vampire we're looking for.
Girl: Angelus, I saw him. He, uh...
Wesley: Where is he?
Girl: I don't know. [Wesley punches her] I don't know! Please stop!
Wesley: They said he was talking to himself. What was he saying?
Girl: I don't know. It was...it was like he was talking to someone else. It was all rain of fire a-and pulling strings and a soul. That's all I heard. Please stop. It hurts.
[Wesley pulls the knife out of the girl. Faith runs to the girl's side.]
Faith: Have you totally lost it?
Wesley: I avoided the main arteries. She'll live, if that's what you call this.

Faith: So, what? Torturing humans is part of the new makeover?
Wesley: I did what I had to because you couldn't.
Faith: I hit her.
Wesley: You think that's something new to her?
Faith: You crossed it back there, Wes, What'd you do back there...
Wesley: Oh, you have a problem with a little torture now? Seem to recall a time when you rather enjoyed it.
Faith: Yeah, well, it's not me anymore. You know that.
Wesley: [raises shotgun] Nice to have this along though, just in case. [speaking slowly] I remember what you did to me Faith: The broken glass, the shallow cuts, so I'd remain conscious.
Faith: You think I'd hurt you again?
Wesley: This the part where you tell me you've turned a new leaf, found God, Inner peace? We both know that isn't true. You haven't changed. You can't.
Faith: [turns away] Wes...
Wesley: [getting angry] Because you're sick. You've always been sick. It goes right down to the roots rotting your soul. That's why your friends turned on you in Sunnydale, why the Watcher's Council tried to kill you. No one trusts you Faith. You're just a rabid dog who should have been put down years ago! [Faith slams him up against the wall] See? Wasn't so hard, was it? [quietly] It's what you'll need to beat him.

Fred: I let Angelus walk with Lilah's book and everything Wolfram and Hart suckered out of your brain.
Lorne: I was gonna have those framed.

Angelus: Uh-oh! Vampire with a gun!

Angelus: You really have gone soft now, haven't you? Hey, you remember that time you tried to get Angel to kill you because you felt all weepy over being such a bad little girl. Huh? Do you still feel that way? Do you still wanna die?
Faith: No.
Angelus: What's that?
Faith: No.
Angelus: I can't hear you.
Faith: No!
Angelus: (cocks gun) Too bad, because you're gonna. (cocks gun again and again until it's empty) But not like this.

Orpheus[edit]

Angelus: Oh, no. I remember this. I-I remember this place. I gotta get outta here.
Faith: Why? You freakin' out?
Angelus: It's coming, again.
Faith: What's coming?
Angelus: I can't do it again. I won't.
[Angel runs in front of a speeding car]
Faith: Angel, get out of the road!
Angelus: Arrrgh! No!
Faith: [laughing] Dude! You just rescued a puppy.

Wesley: Did the call of magic draw you here?
Willow: Oh, no. More like the call of Fred.

Willow: You must be Angel's handsome yet androgynous son.
Connor: It's Connor.
Willow: And the sneer's genetic, who knew?

[Willow is planning to magically smash the jar holding Agel's soul]
Willow: It had to be something specific. There's lots of jars in the world. Can't shatter 'em all. I mean, you could, but good things come in jars: Peanutbutter. Jelly. Those two-headed fetal pigs at the national history museum. [Wesley barely reacts.] Come on, everybody loves fetal pigs.
Wesley: Sorry. I think my sense of humor is trapped in a jar somewhere.
Willow: Does seem like you've given in to the grumpy side of the force.
Wesley: A lot's happened. Not just Angelus. I'd been... I've changed. I've seen a darkness in myself. I'm not sure you'd even begin to understand.
Willow: I flayed a guy alive and tried to destroy the world.
Wesley: Oh. So...
Willow: Darkness. Been there.
Wesley: Yeah. Well, I never flayed... [pauses] I had a woman chained in a closet.
Willow: Hey!
Wesley: Nah, doesn't compare.
Willow: No, dark. That's dark. You've been to a place.
Wesley: You seem exactly the same as when I left. No other major changes I'm not up on?
Willow: Just little things. So, Fred, what's her story?

[watching a memory of Angel feeding off rats in New York]
Angelus: I already know all this crap. So why do I have to go through it again?
Angel: Maybe because it's not about you, jackass.

Connor: All right, I get it. I messed up.
Faith: Hey, cheer up, punk. That just makes you one of us.
Gunn: You headed out?
Faith: Hey, no tears, big guy.
Gunn: Nah, I'm good. I just wish I could've seen you kickin' the crap outta junior here.
Faith: It was pretty funny.

Players[edit]

Lorne: Wha...? Put me on the short bus, and send me off to clueless school. A mystical pregnancy right under my beak and not even a tingle. Huh.

Gunn: (to Angel) Well, congratulations. You're gonna have a grandspawn.

Wesley: No. They were bound to skulk off to neutral corners.
Gunn: Two vampires hook up and for the only time in vamp history, have a kid-our boy, Connor. Then Connor grows up, knocks it out with Cordelia, a part-demon former higher being, and quick as you can say "Easy-Bake Oven" there's a gigantic bun in hers. I don't think we were too harsh.
Lorne: Yeah, well, that was before my spell went all flop-a-palooza.
Fred: Having two part-demon parents might could explain the whoosh factor.
Gunn: Not gonna be long before whoosh turns into pop.
Lorne: Speaking of pop, don't you think our re-ensouled leader should be a part of this little confab?
Angel: (stepping out of his office) Easy-bake. Flop-a-palooza. Whoosh, pop. [to Wesley] I don't skulk.

[Alarm goes off]
Gunn: Uh, what... seems to be the problem?
Security guard: The electronic imprints on your invitations have been altered.
Gwen: I can explain that. I was struck by lightning. [off everyone else's looks] Really. [hisses at Gunn] See how my life sucks?

Lorne: Has Cordy been a bad, bad girl? (looks into the Magic 8-Ball for the answer)
Magic 8-Ball: Definitely.

Inside Out[edit]

Angel: All this time it was you, wasn't it?
Cordelia: Took you long enough to figure it out. But nice turn with the Lorne bait. You know, there was a time I would've seen that one coming eons before it ever crossed your tiny little mind.
Angel: Because you're so clever.
Cordelia: On the scale of you to me? Pretty damn.

Gunn: No way. We make our own choices.
Skip: Yeah, sure. Cheese sandwich here, uh, when to floss. But the big stuff, like two vampires squeezing out a kid?
Angel: Connor.
Wesley: An impossible birth to make one possible.
Skip: That's what the kid was designed for.
Lorne: To sleep with mother love?
Angel: To create a vessel.
Skip: Look out. The monkey's thinking again.
Angel: Being inside a human makes it vulnerable, doesn't it? That's why it had to stay hidden. Why it needed to create something stronger to pour itself into.
Gunn: Wait. So the big nasty inside of Cordy is going to give birth... to itself?

Fred: Will it make a difference? We really are just pieces being moved around a board.
Gunn: Then we'll kick it over and start a new game. Look, monochrome can yap all he wants about no-name's cosmic plan, but here's a little something I picked up rubbing mojos these past couple of years. The final score can't be rigged. I don't care how many players you grease, that last shot always comes up a question mark. But here's the thing—you never know when you're taking it. It could be when you're duking it out with the Legion of Doom, or just crossing the street deciding where to have brunch. So you just treat it all like it was up to you—the world in the balance—'cause you never know when it is.

Connor: Somebody there?
Darla: (o.s.) I’ve always been there, close to your heart. After all...
[He looks over toward the dark corner of the room as Darla materializes out of thin air in front of him.]
Darla: ...isn’t that where a mother belongs?
Connor: You can't be my mother.
Darla: [softly] I have her memories, her feelings. Isn't that what makes a person who they are?
Girl: [weeping in the corner]) Let me go, please...
Darla: I know that sound, the look in her eyes, the smell of fear. [kneels beside the girl.] I've nurtured it a thousand times in all the people that I've murdered.
Connor: My mother's dead.
Darla: And I'll always be a part of you. You shared your soul with me once when you were growing inside of me when I'd lost my own. You brought light to my shadow, filled my heart with joy and love. I'd never felt so close to any living thing as I did to my beautiful boy.
Connor: Why'd you leave me? Did you hate me that much?
Darla: Baby, no. I wanted to be with you more than anything.
Connor: You killed yourself. I wasn't even born yet. And you-
Darla: Did what I had to. My life for yours. I did so many terrible things, Connor, so much destruction, so much pain. You were the one good thing I ever did. The only good thing. I'd die every day for the rest of eternity for you. And this... [Gestures to the virgin girl]...is how you repay me?
Connor: You don't understand. We need her for our baby, to keep it safe.
Darla: By anointing it in the blood of an innocent? You really think that safety can be plucked from the arms of an evil deed?
Connor: Good, evil. They're just words.
Darla: [shakes her head] Don't let this happen, Connor. Don't let my death mean nothing.

Connor: They hate us... because we're special.
Girl: I don't hate you. Please.
Darla: They're scared because of what you've done not because of what you are.
Connor: They wanted to kill me when I was still inside of you.
Darla: But that changed when they saw you, held you in their arms, felt the warmth of your skin, the goodness in your heart.
Connor: And it will happen again when they hold my child. It's the only way.
Darla: You have a choice, Connor. That is something more precious than you'll ever know.
Connor: What choice? They're hunting us like animals!
Darla: Because you're acting like one. As a vampire I killed without mercy or remorse because I didn't have a soul. What's your excuse?
Connor: You think I wanna do this?
Darla: Then don't.
Connor: I have to.
Darla: Why? [Gestures to Cordelia in the next room] Because she told you? There are things happening, Connor, things that I can't... It has to be your choice. You can stop this.
Connor: Her blood for our baby's. It's fair, isn't it?
Girl: Please, I wanna go home.
Connor: Shut up!
Darla: This isn't you, Connor.
Connor: You've been gone a long time, Mom. How would you know?
Darla: Because we shared a soul. I feel the pain, the anger, the hurt, like it were my own. But most of all, I feel the good in you and no matter how much you're beaten or twisted or lied to, it's still there in your heart. I know it, and deep down, you know it, too.

Angel: No, you're not coming, any of you. Whatever's taken over Cordy, it's still her inside. She's still our friend. She's still the woman I... I won't let you carry that. I can't.
Skip: Anybody got a hanky?

[Connor kneels down to untie the bound hands of the virgin girl he's holding captive. Darla stands nearby.]
Connor: Shhhhh. Shhh. It's okay.
Darla: You're all right now. Everything's going to be all right.
Cordelia: What are you doing?
Connor: [frozen] Nothing. I, uh...
Cordelia: It's time. Take her in the other room.
Darla: Listen to your heart.
Connor: [to Cordelia] She didn't do anything. We should let her go.
Cordelia: No we shouldn't. We need her, Connor. Our baby...
Connor: Shouldn't be anointed with innocent blood.
Cordelia: Anointed? Who's been filling your head with big, confusing words?
Connor: Just been thinking about it.
Cordelia: Or, maybe... a little birdie's been pecking at you behind my back.
Darla: [to Connor] She'll lie to you.
Cordelia: You know how much they love to use the magic, Connor. A spell for this, a spell for that.
Darla: Close her out, baby.
Cordelia: Whatever you're hearing, whatever you think you're seeing...it's a trick.
Darla: Don't let her in.
Cordelia: It's Angel.
Darla: No.
Cordelia: Trying to turn you against me with a cheap vision of... [looks to where Darla's standing] ...Darla?
Connor: [to Cordelia] You can see her?
Cordelia: I see the lies.
Darla: Connor, listen to me.
Cordelia: It's not her.
Darla: You have to let her go.
Cordelia: It's your father. This is how much he hates you.
Darla: I love you. Please.
Cordelia: Torturing you with this sad imitation of your dead mother.
Darla: [crying] Don't let her do this.
Cordelia: Are you going to let them do this to us? Are you going to let them kill our baby?
Darla: [desperate] Connor, listen to me...
Connor: [yelling, crying] You are not my mother!
[Darla looks on horrified as Connor grabs the virgin girl by her bound hands and drags her into the other room.]
Girl: [weeping] No!
[Connor puts virgin girl on the ground in the center of the circle where Cordelia was chanting before. The girl looks up to see Cordelia swinging a huge butcher's knife at her head. When the girl looks up at Connor, she has Darla's face now.]
Darla: Please, don't do this Connor. Don't--
[Connor just stands there, watching Cordelia murder this girl, listening to the sounds of blood spattering as Cordelia makes the killing blow. The girl collapses in the middle of the circle.]
Cordelia: There. That wasn't so hard, was it?

[When Skip turns his head, Wesley notices a break in the armor where Angel had ripped some of it off of his head earlier. Wesley makes a rolling dive for the gun, aims, and shoots at Skip's head. The bullet goes right into the vulnerable spot, entering Skip's head.]
Skip: Well, that ain't right. [collapses]

Shiny Happy People[edit]

Gunn: OK, so what are we dealing with?
Fred: Eight legs, three heads, horns...?
Lorne: Hey!
Fred: No offense.
Connor: Two legs, one head, no horns.
Lorne: Lemme guess: green?
Angel: No. Kind of.... mocha.

Connor: Kill? No. No killing.
Gunn: Since when?
Angel: Since we've all been saved.
Fred: Oh, well, that's, uh, crazy talk.
Angel: (to Connor) They don't understand.
Connor: No.
Angel: We don't want to kill her. (takes the axe away from Wesley) We just want to find her so we can worship her. That's all.

Wesley: Angel, whatever you're feeling right now, it's some form of enchantment.
Angel: (looks wistful) Yeah.

Jasmine: Yes. In the beginning, before the time of man, great beings walked the earth. Untold power emanated from all quarters—the seeds of what would come to be known as good and evil. But the shadows stretched and became darkness, and the malevolent among us grew stronger. The earth became a demon realm. Those of us who had the will to resist left this place, but we remained ever-watchful.

Fred: (walks into the room) Well, I tried. (holds up a shirt) What do you think?
Wesley: It looks brand new.
Fred: (cries) It is. I—I bought a new one.
Wesley: Even better.
Fred: (crying) I know.
Angel: What's the matter? She'll love it.
Fred: I know, but she's not here.
Gunn: She's just upstairs.
Fred: Yes, but, when she's not around, (sobs) I hurt.

The Magic Bullet[edit]

Fred: So, you don't worry that it's possible for someone to send out a biological or electronic trigger that effectively overrides your own sense of ideals and values, and replaces them with an alternative coercive agenda that reduces you to little more than a mindless meat puppet?
Shopkeeper: Wow. People used to think that I was paranoid. I mean, don't get me wrong. I still got the implants in my head. C.I.A. is still listening in. It just doesn't bother me anymore. Instead, I—I beam Jasmine's love up to their satellite, you know? Share the love with those MK-Ultra bastards.

Shopkeeper: You want to fight fire with fire. Make sure the government and the other savages learn about Jasmine's love.
Fred: Exact— (plays along) that's exactly right. Why should we be the only shiny, happy people?
Shopkeeper: We don't need to use the evil tools of (with air quotes) the man when we have (with air quotes) the wo-man. We need to trust that Jasmine's love will reach the rest of the world just like it reached us
Fred: Oh, happy day.

Angel: She's right. There's work to do here. We have a hotel full of people, people who have needs.
Lorne: You know what they say about people who need people...
Connor: They're the luckiest people in the world.
Lorne: You been sneaking peeks at my Streisand collection again, kiddo?
Connor: Just kinda popped out.

Elderly Woman: I have 37 cats, and I've just changed all their names to Jasmine!

Lorne: Tonight the Role of Judas Iscariot will be played by Krevlornswath of the Deathwok Clan.

Sacrifice[edit]

Female Radio Announcer: And in an impromptu speech today, the mayor—I really love that guy, don't you?— The mayor declared Los Angeles the first Citadel of Jasmine, a cradle of civilization which will usher in a new age for all of humanity. In related news, the L.A. Archdiocese has stated to the press that it will remove all false idols from its churches, replacing them with images of she who walks among us. Way to go, Catholic Church. Yes, it's a great day to be alive.
Lorne: Well, talk about media bias. Well, not that I wanna talk about media bias. It seems rather moot right now. Speakin' of moot, what about us? Anyone else feel like the last feisty wife in Stepford?

Gunn: So that's our big plan? Just keep running?
Lorne: Oh, I hear some good things about Belize!

Wesley: All right, f-fine. You loved her first.
Mantis Demon: Before your kind was, my kind loved her. Stood stone on stone, built the temple. Always making ready. Ohh... But she came here.
Wesley: She? Jasmine?
Mantis Demon: Eh?
Wesley: Jasmine. That's what we call her. The... superior being that—that you loved first.
Mantis Demon: Pfah! You name her. Filthy little mice! She is the devourer... the song... the peace... the whole... and you try to name her. Work to do. [walks away, then snaps his head back to Wesley] We loved her first!
[Wesley watches the demon go back to work. It crawls up the wall and grabs a torch. Wesley stares at the bloody guts that splatted in front of him.]
Wesley: And how does your kind define love?
Mantis Demon: Same as all bodies. Same as everywheres. Love is sacrifice.

Vampire: Just drop the cliche serial killer crap and stake me already! Please!
Mantis Demon: I tear your guts all inside out. I stitch your guts every all over. Why don't you go dead?
Vampire: Why don't you go f— [the demon attacks him] Aah! Aah!

Peace Out[edit]

Jasmine: It was a trial run, an early experiment to work out the bugs, so to speak. I won't make that mistake again. I know where Angel is, and I know what he's looking for. He's wasting his time.
Wesley: If you really believed that, you'd have killed us already.

Wesley: Too much trouble conquering a primitive dimension, wasn't it, Jasmine? Or whatever your name is. Must be nice for you that we have satellites to beam your message to the rest of the world.
Jasmine: You're not wrong.

Wesley: Connor, what does Jasmine eat?
Connor: What?
Wesley: The creature in the sewer. It called her the devourer. Devourer of what?
Connor: I don't know.
Wesley: Don't You? The followers she randomly chooses to come to her room. The ones she sent to meet her in the banquet hall.
Lorne: They're the banquet.
Gunn: Wait. People? She eats people?
Fred: Oh, no.
Gunn: To Serve Man. It's To Serve Man all over again.
Fred: And now she's going global.

High Priest: What is it you think you fight for, dead thing? Valor? What you call justice? Your friends are dead. Most likely. Or so you believe. So it's not for them you fight.
Angel: I'm trying to save my world!
High Priest: Your world. A world that doesn't care for you. Doesn't want you.
Angel: It needs me!
High Priest: So your Powers That Be tell you. Maybe they're right. But it's not why you're here.
Angel: Okay, Bugsy, you wanna tell me what I'm fighting for?
High Priest: Him.
Angel: Him?
High Priest: The boy. The woman you've already lost. The boy is what you're fighting for. But you're going to fail. You're going to lose him too.

Angel: Jasmine, it's over. You've lost.
Jasmine: I've lost? Do you have any idea what you've done?
Angel: What I had to do.
Jasmine: No. No, Angel. There are no absolutes. No right and wrong. Haven't you learned anything working for the Powers? There are only choices. I offered paradise. You chose this!
Angel: Because I could. Because that's what you took away from us. Choice.
Jasmine: And look what free will has gotten you.
Angel: Hey, I didn't say we were smart. I said it's our right. It's what makes us human.
Jasmine: But you're not human.
Angel: Working on it.
[Jasmine turns to walk away]
Angel: Where you going?
Jasmine: Leave me alone.
Angel: Sorry, but... can't do that.
Jasmine: What? You've taken everything. You're gonna try to kill me now, as if you could.
Angel: Maybe not. But I'll die before I let you hurt anyone else.
Jasmine: You're already dead!
Angel: You know what I mean. It ends right here.
Jasmine: Why do you hate me so much?
Angel: Let's run down the list, huh? Rain of fire, blotting out the sun, enslaving mankind, and, yeah, oh, yeah, hey, you eat people!
Jasmine: Like you never have?
Angel: Thousands of people are dead because of what you've done.
Jasmine: And how many will die because of you? I could've stopped it, Angel. All of it. War, disease, poverty. How many precious, beautiful lives would've been saved in a handful of years? Yes, I murdered thousands to save billions. This world is doomed to drown in its own blood now.
Angel: The price was too high, Jasmine. Our fate has to be our own, or we're nothing.
Jasmine: Like me?
Angel: Look, we've all done horrible things. All we can do is try and make up for it. So, OK, you know, it's not the world that you wanted, but maybe you can still help us make it better, even if you have lost your powers.
Jasmine: Not all of them.
[Jasmine punches Angel so hard that it sends him flying over the edge of the bridge. He lands on a car hood. Jasmine, still on the bridge, picks up a station wagon.]

Jasmine: Think the price was too high? You haven't begun to pay!
[She throws a station wagon over the bridge, it snaps a power line before crashing into the street and exploding. Jasmine jumps off the bridge, lands on her feet, and walks menacingly toward Angel.]
Jasmine: Maybe you're right. Maybe I can still make this world a better place. One body at a time. I loved this world. I sacrificed everything I was to be with you.
Angel: So you could rule us?
Jasmine: Because I cared. The other Powers don't. Never really did. You know that's true in your heart. Shame now I gotta rip it out.
[She reaches for Angel, but he grabs the end of the power line and electrocutes Jasmine with the live end. The electricity sends her back a few feet, but doesn't hurt her. She walks back toward Angel.]
Jasmine: I was forged in the inferno of creation, vampire. Do you really think a little electricity would destroy me?
Angel: Worth a shot.

Angel: Go to hell.
Jasmine: You first, baby.
[Forces Angel into a kiss.]
Connor: Always the same, dad. I get a girl, you gotta make a play for her.
[Jasmine lets up on the kissing.]

Home[edit]

Lilah: I have been authorized to make you kids an offer.
Fred: You can't possibly think there's anything we'd want from you.
Lilah: I don't think you'll want it, but you'll take it, because this is the offer of a lifetime. [pauses] Just not, you know, mine.

Wesley: Jasmine was creating a slave state.
Lilah: Right, where the slaves are full of giggly joy and love. Ugh, what a nightmare.
Angel: She was eating people.
Lilah: They knew what they were getting into.
Lorne: Her stomach!?!

Gunn: Couldn't have been easy for you seeing Lilah again like that.
Wesley: Oh, yes. That was awkward, wasn't it? When you decapitate a loved one, you don't expect them to come visiting.

Preston: I had this prepared. Confidential list. Peepers only. I thought you might like to take a gander at our roster. Just a run down of some of the talent we represent here.
Lorne: Uh, no. No. No. No. I don't think you have to tell me what you represent here, young man. Evil. Pure evil in the... (stunned as he looks at the list) Huh. Which is also apparently everyone I've always wanted to meet. (laughs)

[Lilah, reanimated due to a clause in her contract, looks on as Wesley rifles through Wolfram & Hart files.]
Lilah: What are you doing, Wesley?
Wesley: [takes a piece of paper out of the files] Standard in Perpetuity clause.
Lilah: You broke in here for my contract?
Wesley: I'm here to release you from it.
Lilah: Wesley…
Wesley: You've suffered enough! [he lights the paper on fire] I want you to find some peace.
Lilah: Gallant to the end... but I knew what I signed up for.
Wesley: It's done.
Lilah: Look in the drawer. [Wesley finds the same piece of paper in the file cabinet again, unscorched] Flames wouldn't be eternal if they actually consumed anything. But it means something that you tried.

Connor: You might not want to move. Everyone's rigged. Can't save 'em all, dad. Don't know who's gonna be first. Could be any one of 'em. [Stands, revealing he's wired too.] Could be me. [steps away, points to an unconscious Cordelia on the floor, also wired] Could be her.
[Angel stares shocked and frozen with fear for a moment.]
Angel: Son...you have to listen to me. This is about Jasmine.
Connor: Jasmine's gone.
Angel: I know. We all felt it, that perfect love, then when you had to give it up...
Connor: I didn't feel anything! I can't feel anything. I guess I really am your son... 'cause I'm dead, too.
Angel: You're not dead. You're just starting your life and--
Connor: No, you just weren't there before!
Angel: I know. I'm so
Connor: Do not say you're sorry! Doesn't fix anything.
Angel: Ok, look, let me say this. I love you, son.
Connor: It's a lie.
Angel: It's not.
Connor: It's always a lie. My dead mother couldn't even love me.
Angel: You're wrong. She did.
Connor: No. [shakes her head] No. She knew she couldn't.
Angel: She sacrificed herself because she loved you.
Connor: You tried to love me. At least I think you did.
Angel: I still do.
Connor: But not enough to hang on, dad. (glares at Angel)You let him take me. You let him get me. You let him get me. (turns to face Cordelia) Cordy... you swore you loved me. Where are you now?
Angel: Connor... you have to believe that there are people who love you.
Connor: Jasmine believed you when you said you loved her, but it was all a lie.
Angel: Jasmine was the lie.
Connor: No! She knew if you found out who she really was that you'd turn against her, and she was right. That's just what happened. People like you. People like this. None of you deserve what she could give you. She wanted to give you everything.
Angel: I know how that feels. 'Cause I want to give you everything. I want to take back the mistakes, help you start over.
Connor: We can't start over.
Angel: We can. I mean, we can change things.
Connor: There's only one thing that ever changes anything... and that's death. Everything else is just a lie. You can't be saved by a lie. You can't be saved at all.

Season 5[edit]

Conviction[edit]

Wesley: I'm still stuck back at, "Why on earth are we here?"
Fred: What, because we're crusaders against evil and now the law firm that represents most of the evil in the world has given us its LA branch to run however we want, probably in an attempt to corrupt, divide, or destroy us, and we all said yes in, like, 3 minutes?
Wesley: Your run-on sentences have gotten a lot less pointless
Fred: Oh, that's so sweet. And a tad condescending.

Angel: (into speaker phone) Uh... can I get a cup of coffee or something?
Phone menu voice: You have reached Ritual Sacrifice. For goats press one, or say "goats."
(moments later, Angel presses another button)
Phone menu voice: To sacrifice a loved one or pet, press the pound key.

Angel: Guess what I'm doing now? Not using my windpipe.
Spanky: Vampire.
Angel: Capital "V." And there's something else you should know about me. [picks up a paddle and knocks him across the room] I have no problem spanking men.

Wesley: Don't you think it's a bit unseemly, adding "Y"s to the end of people's names?
Gunn: Does that mean I have to call you "Wesle"?

[Agent Hauser aims his shotgun at Angel]
Angel: You know that won't kill me.
Hauser: It'll hurt. That part's fun.
Angel: Agent Hauser, I'm honestly beginning to suspect that you're not part of the solution.
Hauser: You really think you can solve the problem? Come into Wolfram and Hart and make everything right? Turn night into glorious day? You pathetic little fairy.
Angel: I'm not little.
Hauser: That's exactly what you are. You're minuscule. A dust mote on the shelf of that great institution. Now, you think I'm just a trigger-happy jerk who follows orders, but I am something you will never be. I'm pure. I believe in evil. You and your friends, you're conflicted. You're confused. We're not. That is why you are gonna lose, because we possess the most powerful thing in the world... conviction.
Angel: There is one thing more powerful than conviction. Just one. Mercy.
[Angel kicks Hauser's gun up, causing him to pull the trigger and blow his own head off]
Wolfram and Hart agent: (Shocked) What happened to mercy?
Angel: You just saw the last of it.

Wesley: Spike!
Angel: Spike.
Harmony: Blondie Bear?

Just Rewards[edit]

[Spike materializes in Angel's office at Wolfram & Hart, and bends over in pain, then realizes he's facing some familiar faces and some strangers.]
Spike: What? What?
Harmony: What the hell are you doing here, Spike?
Wesley: Harmony, please.
Gunn: This is Spike? *The* Spike?
Fred: Wait a minute. Who's...
Lorne: [calmly, to Spike] Easy, slim. Easy. No one's gonna hurt you.
Gunn: Speak for yourself, Green Jeans.
Fred: OK, would somebody please tell me who...
Wesley: William the Bloody. He's a vampire. One of the worst recorded. Second only to...
Angel: Me. But you're dead.
Harmony: Well, yeah. Who here isn't? [looks around] Besides him and him and her and... [to Lorne] What are you, again?
Spike: [lunges at Angel in game-face, but goes right through him and winds up standing in Angel's desk] Bugger.

Spike: I must be in hell.
Lorne: Er... no, L.A., but a lot of people make that mistake.

Harmony: [to Spike] Oh, my God! You and the Slayer actually - I mean, I know you had that twisted obsession with her, but - Ugh! That's just - Ugh!

Wesley: Did you remember a strange sensation when it released its energy?
Spike: You mean my skin and muscle burning away from the bone? Organs exploding in my chest? Eyeballs melting in their sockets? No. No memory at all thanks for asking.

Fred: I'm also detecting brainwave activity.
Angel: On Spike? Hmm. That *is* weird.

Angel: [to Hainsley's butler] We're - I'm from Wolfram and Hart.
Spike: I'm his date.

Manservant: Excuse the interruption, sir. There are some more men from Wolfram and Hart asking to see you. They seem rather adamant.
Magnus Hainsley: Kill them.
Manservant: Very good, sir.

Harmony: Just since you're all soulful now, I thought maybe, just maybe, you might've learned to open up a little. You know, talk? But I guess a leopard can't change his stripes.
Spike: Spots, you dink. Leopards have spots.
Harmony: Oh! Excuse me, Mr. Brainy. Thank you so much for sharing. Wow. What a breakthrough.

[Incorporeal Spike walks through a gray wall to follow Angel.]
Spike: Running away again.
Angel turns around and keeps walking, Spike not too far behind.
Spike: Nice new M.O. I can see why heros like you get rewarded with the shiny new glass and chrome. Why didn't I think of that?
Angel: [Still walking] I'm not responsible for what happened to you.
Harmony: Angel it's almost 3:00 you have a meeting...
Angel: [interrupting with a hand out and still walking] Not now, Harmony.
Spike: And here you've even managed to get my ex-tumble, the littlest vampire, fetching coffee for you. Nice perks for the sell-out.
Angel: [Stops walking but still not facing Spike] A little tip, Spike. Try not to talk about things you don't understand.
Spike: [walks in front of Angel] I'm not the prat here. I know you Angel. What do you think you're doing? Made some devil's bargain to take over this company. Thought you'd use it to fight the evil of the world from inside the belly of the beast. Trouble is you're too busy fighting to see you and yours are getting digested.
Angel: Not gonna happen. [Moves to walk away again]
Spike: What? You think you're in control here? Guess again, mate. You're no more in control than I am. Except I'm not going to bloody stand for it while you're just a blind...Groxlar Beast.
Angel: What?
[Spikes stares behind Angel. Angel sees the Groxlar walking out of the elevator. He fights it. During the fight Spike punches the Groxlar's head but his arm goes through it.]
Spike: Oh, brilliant.
[The fight continues and Angel kills the beast.]
Angel: [sighs] Okay. Somebody want to tell me how a Groxlar Beast got past security? I don't have time for this.
Spike: 'Course not. Man's gotta stay focused on profit margins and power lunches.
Harmony: Angel...
Angel: Yeah, Spike. I got a business to run. That means responsibilities, appointments to keep.
Harmony: [Pointing at the fallen Groxlar] That was your 3:00
Angel: That...
[Spike laughs.]
Angel: I'm meeting with Groxlars? They eat babies!
Harmony: Just their heads. You were supposed to open negotations with this clan.
Angel: Negotations for what?
Gunn: [Walking in wearing a suit and briefcase in hand] Get them to stop eating baby heads.
Angel: Oh, so that's good. [looking down at the Groxlar] So this...this is bad.
Gunn: No, actually the Groxlar Clan respects someone who takes a strong opening position. Wolfram and Hart didn't just jack me up with the human laws, also demons laws from every demension. Probably should have briefed you about the Groxlar, but [looks at Spike] we got a little... sidetracked.

Unleashed[edit]

Spike: [re: Wesley] We got a history, him and me.
Fred: What?
Spike: It was a long time ago. He was a young Watcher, fresh out of the academy, when we crossed paths. It was a, what-you-call, battle of wills...and blood was spilled. Vendettas were sworn. It was a whole—
Fred: My God...you're so full of crap.
Spike: Yeah. OK.

Nina: How would you--you're not a monster, too, are you?
Fred: Nope. Standard-issue science nerd. I did spend five years in a demon dimension...till Angel saved me.
Nina: Guess he saves a lot of girls, huh?
Fred: Girls, guys...puppies. He's pretty much an equal-opportunity saver.

Spike: I had a wee spat with a werewolf myself once. Fought for over an hour. Brutal. Vicious. I almost lost my—
Fred: Angel killed him with a pen.

Fred: [about Nina's abduction] The scariest thing was how organized they were. Almost military.
Wesley: An underground monster-hunting military organization. It's happened before.

Lorne: Whoa! Watch it there! Just passing by and got splashed with a heap of grouchy. Got to tell you, Angelkins, that extra weight is not looking so good on you. [Angel looks down at his belly] I'm talking about psychic pounds, pumpkin. Why don't you consider me the Jenny Craig for the soul, huh? So let's hear it.
Angel: I'm not gonna sing.
Lorne: Couldn't bear it if you did. No, it's talking you need... or maybe a shoulder to—
Angel: I'm not gonna cry either.
Lorne: I was going to a leaning place. OK, Atlas, how about a shrug? Look, so you got the weight of the world. Burden, sure, but breaking news it ain't.
Angel: Listen, Lorne, this isn't a good time.
Lorne: No. No, it never is. Spike showing up your first day in the Wolfram & Hart saddle, took the jolly right out of the rancher. But we've been feeling it ever since then, Angelcakes.
Angel: OK, so it's no secret. I don't like the guy.

Gunn: So...werewolf girl. Think you got a shot?
Angel: She gave me a look.
Wesley: Really? A look?

Hell Bound[edit]

Spike: You're right. I do deserve to go to Hell. But not today. [he punches Pavayne]
Pavayne: You dare!
Spike: Quite a bit, mate. Reality bends to desire. That was it, right? That's why I could touch Fred, write your name in the glass. All I had to do was want it bad enough. [his clothes rematerialize] And guess what I want to do now, you prissy son of a bitch!

Angel: I just want you to be careful, Fred, because I know how charming Spike can be.
Eve: He is quite the dish, with those eyes...
Fred: And the hair and the cheeks and--what do you think I am, stupid? I know he's been playing me with the looks and the smiles. I'm not some idiot schoolgirl with a crush.
Angel: Then what is it?
Fred: It's about doing what's right. Remember?

Angel: You're starting to feel it, aren't you? How close you are now... to hell?
Spike: What if I am? Not like it's such a big, bleeding deal, is it? If a ponce like you could break out—
Angel: I never escaped from hell. All I got was a short reprieve. Not even sure how I managed that.
Spike: Oh, put your martyr away, Mahatma. Fred told me all about your great, shining prophecy. Pile up all your good deeds and get the big brass ring handed to you like everything else.
Angel: Except for one small catch. The prophecy's a bunch of bull. They all are. Nothing's written in stone or fated to happen, Spike. You save the world, you end up running an evil law firm.
Spike: Or playin' Casper with one foot in the fryer.
Angel: You think any of it matters? The things we did? The lives we destroyed. That's all that's ever gonna count. So, yeah, surprise. You're going to hell. We both are.
Spike: Then why even bother? Try to do the right thing, make a difference...
Angel: What else are we gonna do?
Spike: So that’s it, then. I really am going to burn.
Angel: Welcome to the club.
Spike: Least I got company, eh? You and me, together again. Hope and Crosby. Stills and Nash. Chico and the --
Angel: Yeah, are we done?
Spike: Never much for small talk, were you? Always too busy trying to perfect that brooding block-of-wood mystique. God, I love that.
Angel: Not as much as I loved your nonstop yammering.
Spike: The way you always had to be the big swingy, swaggerin’ around, barkin’ orders...
Angel: Never listening...
Spike: Always interrupting...
Angel: And your hair. What color do they call that, radioactive?
Spike: Never much cared for you, Liam, even when we were evil.
Angel: Cared for you less.
Spike: Fine.
Angel: Good. [they sit in silence] There was one thing about you...
Spike: Really?
Angel: Yeah, I never told anyone about this, but I--I liked your poems.
Spike: [dismissively] You like Barry Manilow.

Gunn: [researching from a book] Got it. The dark soul.
Angel: What's it say?
Gunn: A lot. There are over 3,200 different references. Four of them are about you.
Angel: What? Give me that.
Wes: This is getting us nowhere.
Angel: Let me see this. [reading] Well, that's not fair. I didn't even have a soul when I did that.

Spike: No. I'm not gonna end up like Pavayne--cheating Hell any way he could, no matter who it hurt.
Fred: Just proves what I've been telling everybody.
Spike: That I'm a handsome devil who brightens the place up?
Fred: That you're worth saving.

Life of the Party[edit]

Knox: And how do you know your spell-casters didn't screw up the payload?
Wesley: Because I went over the work and I got that knowing feeling you get when you know something.

Angel: Look, Lorne...I have things. I'm busy. [Lorne stares] I'm brooding.
Lorne: [Turns around to see television is on.] Oh, you're watching hockey!
Angel: Yeah, but my team is losing.

Fred: [slurring, as a demon bumps into her.] Hey, you want a piece of me, buddy? That's right, keep walking. You walk alone! You walk alone!
Wesley: Careful, that thing's loaded.
Fred: So am I. I mean, wow. Wes. Wesley, [puts her arms around Wesley's neck] I am totally drunk-faced!
Wesley: Because you can't hold your.. What are you drinking?
Fred: Nothing.
Wesley: You can't hold that.
Fred: Oh, yeah? Lightweight? How much have you had?
Wesley: [holds up a beer bottle] Including this, I've had... about 1/3 of a half of this beer.
Fred: That's weird, right?
Wesley: Yes, I think so. I think that's weird.
Fred: There's Gunn. Let's go ask him if that's weird.
[Fred and Wesley walk up to Gunn, who's facing away from them.]
Wesley: Hey. Hey, Gunn. Is something weird going on? [Gunn turns toward Wesley without moving his hands, which are together just below his waist] Charles, you just peed on my shoes.
Gunn: [looks down, confused] I'll be damned. [zips his zipper] That's weird.



Wesley: Everything he's told us to do, we're doing. Spike's thinking positive. Gunn is peeing all over the office.
Fred: [slurring] And we're a little bit drunk.
Wesley: Yes! But not because we drank. Because Lorne told us to be drunk!
Angel: [to Gunn] Lorne told you to pee all over the office?
Gunn: Lord, I hope so.

Spike: You pissed in the big man's chair? That's fantastic!
Gunn: Spike, can you please turn off that warm fuzzy?
Spike: What? The Lorne thing? Wore off. I just think that's bloody fabulous.

The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco[edit]

Angel: Ow!
Wes: What happened?
Angel: The mail guy threw me.
Gunn: What?!
Spike: Number 5?! [smiling] He did this? Isn't he like 100 years old?

Spike: Hey! Fred! Did ya hear? Angel attacked the old mail guy.
Angel: What?!
Fred: Not Number 5? You didn't hurt him?
Angel: No. I -- he attacked me.
Wesley: We should find him.
Spike: Absolutely. Wanna buy him a pint. Bloody made my day.

Lorne: Hey, professional opinion. Sexy soccer mama or brainy beauty? You're an aging sexpot celebrating a decade of turning twenty-nine. You got two little rugrats who aren't that little, a husband who thinks the extras trailer's a buffet table and gravity ain't doing you any favors. So "Happy Birthday, sexy mama" or ...Fred! Fred, sweetie, you're sort of like a woman.
Fred: That's not a compliment.
Lorne: Well, more so than El Cid here. I need some insight. You're an aging...
Fred: I heard. Don't mention her birthday, don't send a card, send a big bunch of flowers just because she's special and pefect and eternally bladi bla.
Lorne: Staring me right in the face. Genius
Fred: And I'm a lot like a woman.
Lorne: You're all woman. You're every woman. You're Wonder Woman!
Fred: Damn straight.

Lorne: Holy tornado, it's true!
Spike: Yeah, it was amazing! Angel went right off on the mail guy.
Lorne: Oh this must've been one major smackdown!
Angel: There was no smacking!
Lorne: That's not the hubbub I'm hearing, honey buns. Word on the web has you sucker punching Grandpa Moses.
Angel: The web?
Lorne: Don't sweat it, sweetie pie. I've got my flack-catcher spinnin' this into PR gold. And once the word spreads that you beat up an innocent old man, the truly terrible will think twice before goin' toe to toe with our Avenging Angel.
Spike: Yes. The geriatric community will be soilin' their nappies when they hear you're on the case. Bravo!

Gunn: Still not sure why Blondie Ghost tagged along.
Spike: Not much choice really, is there? Can't drink, smoke, diddle my willy. Doesn't leave much to do other than watch you blokes stumble around playing Agatha Christie.
Wesley: Yeah, remind me again how you ended up in the front seat.
Spike: Called shotgun, mate.
Wesley: Oh. [pulls up a shotgun] I thought we were doing a weapons check.
Gunn: Nothing wrong with that. [pulls up an axe] We may need these bad boys if we're going up against some Mexican Day of the Dead heart-sucking monster.
Wesley: Angel, the church we're looking for is about half a mile... [Angel suddenly spins the car around in a 180]
Spike: Always was a bit of a drama queen.

Lineage[edit]

Eve: [About Wesley] Willing to risk anything... or anyone... for the greater good. Look, hey... I'm just asking. Could it be there's another reason you're getting so mad at him about this? Mmm... stealing your son, for instance?
Angel: We don't talk about my son.
Eve: You don't trust Wesley, do you? I mean, I can see that. He did turn Connor over to your sworn enemy.
Angel: He didn't mean for that to happen. He thought he was doing the right thing.
Eve: And I guess it all worked out. Connor's OK, you're happy. Maybe Wesley knew what he was doing after all. Even if he doesn't remember any of it.
Angel: That's got nothing to do with... I just want to be kept informed. That's all.
Eve: Is it? Or are you worried about the next time Wesley betrays you trying to do "the right thing"?

Fred: Listen to you. You're blaming yourself because poor Fred got hurt. Stop trying to be all valiant. You're coming off like a self-pitying child.
Wesley: [staring past Fred] Hello, father.
Fred: Oh, yeah, that's mature. Well, I wish I was your father. I'd tell you to grow up.
Roger Wyndam-Price: It doesn't work. I've tried.

Lorne: Wesley Wyndam-Price, you should be ashamed. I didn't know you had a younger brother.
Wesley: Lorne. Yes. This is my father, Roger Wyndam-Price.
Roger: How do you do?
Lorne: A father? Well, I don't believe it. Well, OK, I do believe it, but only 'cause I heard you were in the building. Ha ha ha. Well, look at you. It's like Winston Churchill and a young Richard Harris had a beautiful love child, which, according to my sources, may not be as ridiculous as it sounds.

Fred: [about the cyborg] This thing really blurs the line between human and robot.
Spike: Aha. So you're not ruling out that a human being could have boffed a robot.
[everyone stares at him]
Spike: Sex with robots is more common than most people think.

Spike: Daddy, eh? I always though Wesley was grown in some sort of greenhouse for dandies.
Roger Wyndham-Pryce: Spike.
Spike: You've heard of me?
Roger Wyndham-Pryce: No, we've met. 1963, my colleagues and I fell upon you slaughtering an orphanage in Vienna. Killed 2 of my men before you escaped.
Spike: Oh...how've you been?

[A bomb is about to go off. Wesley orders an evacuation. Spike starts running]
Spike: Wait. What the hell am I worried about?

[The lights in the Wolfram & Hart elevator suddenly go out.]
Eve: That's odd.
Spike: I know what this is. YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME TO HELL, PAVAYNE!
[Emergency lights come on and an alarm sounds.]
Spike: Oh. Well, that's just something I say... when, uh... it gets dark.

Lorne: So I am covered in cherries. The police are just pounding on the door, and Judi Dench starts screaming, "Oh, that's way too much to pay for a pair of pants!"

Wesley: Hello, father.
Roger: Walk away from this, Wesley. You'll never understand what we're trying to do here.
Wesley: You're using the Staff of Devosynn to take Angel's will, make him your slave. Your cyborgs panic a bit too easily.
Roger: That creature's more dangerous to mankind than you realize.
Wesley: You're wrong about him. He's not what you think.
Roger: He's a puppet. He always has been. To the Powers That Be, to Wolfram & Hart. Now he's ours.
Wesley: You went to a lot of trouble to get this staff. [Flash to Wesley's father pulling a gun out of the cyborg's body in the lab.] You had us attacked, you smuggled in a weapon...you brought in an army so you could escape. I don't know why you're doing all this, but did you ever once consider there might be another way? Did you ever once consider talking to me about it?
Roger: No. You've failed me enough for one lifetime.
Fred: Wesley!
Wesley: Fred, get out of here!
Fred: What the hell is going on?
Roger: You know what that vampire is and what he's done, and you follow him anyway?
Wesley: Maybe I know what I'm doing. Why can't you trust that?
Roger: You disgrace yourself with the council, you join forces with him, and you have the nerve to ask me why I can't trust you?
Wesley: I've done everything you ever asked, and I've done it well.
Roger: I asked for this, hmm? I wanted to be humiliated?
Wesley: No, I suppose I don't know what you really wanted. You never had any use for me as a child, and you can't bear the thought of me as an adult. Tell me, father, what is it that galls you so? That I was never as good at the job as you... or that I just might be better?
Roger: Oh, yes, this is Los Angeles. We have to talk about our feelings. Then maybe we'll hug.
Wesley: It's doubtful.
[In the background, there's the sound of helicopters approaching.]
Roger: Hand me that staff.
Wesley: No.
Roger: Now, don't make me shoot you.
Wesley: [Holding the staff over the edge of the roof.] Go ahead.
Roger: Do you know how powerful that thing is?
Wesley: I don't care.
Roger: I will kill you for it. Please believe me.
[The helicopter is hovering over the roof, shining bright white lights on it.]
Wesley: Oh, I believe you. I was raised by you, after all. But I drop this, the crystal shatters, and Angel is restored. So I reckon whether I live or die, your plan has failed.
Roger: I see. Well, then... maybe if it's someone you care about...
[Roger turns his gun towards Fred, but Wesley shoots him without restraint. Wesley walks up to his father's fallen body and stares, upset. Fred looks at him, then at Angel. Wesley stumbles away, dropping his gun as he goes, and bends over behind a roof vent to vomit. Fred looks after him, concerned. When Wesley stands, he hears the buzzing of electronics behind him. He turns to look and sees his father's body fade into the body of a cyborg, shimmering with electricity. Wesley stares at it in disbelief.]

Angel: You know, I killed my actual father. It was one of the first things I did when I became a vampire.
Wesley: I hardly see how that's the same situation.
Angel: Yeah, I really didn't think that one through.

Spike: Don't know if you know this, but, uh, I killed my mum. Actually, I'd already killed her, and then she tried to shag me, so I had to, uh...
[Spike makes a staking motion with his hand but Wesley interrupts.]
Wesley: Thank you! I'm... very comforted. Right.

Spike: Oh, Eve's stuck in the elevator.
Gunn: So tell Maintenance. [runs off]
Spike: Right. Well where the bloody hell is Maintenan—? [beat] Oh to be honest, I don't even care. [walks away]

[Last lines]
Wesley: Hello, Mom, it's me. No, everything's fine. I was hoping to speak with Father, actually. Yes, all right. Hello, father, how are... oh, I didn't realize it was so early there. I've had a bit of a... Of course we have clocks in Los Angeles. Listen, I wanted to... Nothing's wrong. I just... wanted to call... and...see how you were.

Destiny[edit]

[First lines]
Drusilla: Oh. Such a hungry little kitty. Meow. You've been a starved one, haven't you, my sweet Willy?
William: I've got you to feast on now, pet. Is this your home?
Drusilla: Their home. [Looks at a pair middle-aged corpses slumped on the sofa, posed as if they were sitting.] Ambassador to...something and his plump, lovely wife. Till their spirits flew away on fairy wings. Psst. When Angelus took them for dinner.
William: Angelus? Who the bloody hell's Ang
[William turns to see Angelus lurking in the shadows in a nearby doorway.]
Drusilla: Look what I made. It's called Willy.
William: William.
Drusilla: [smiles] Where's Darla? I want Darla to see William.
Angelus: Darla and I had a little spat. Her precious Master sent for her. You know Darla. Master's pet.
Drusilla: Oh. Poor Angelus.
Angelus: Ah, don't fret, Dru. We'll make up. Always do. [Touches his bruised brow.] Mmm. Ow. After a little tit for tat. Shouldn't let that spoil our fun here. [Looks at William, checking him out.] So, instead of just feeding off of this William... you went and turned him into one of us. Another rooster in the henhouse.
Drusilla: You're not cross with me, are you?
Angelus: Cross?
[He grabs William's arm and holds it out into the ray of sunlight beaming through the closed curtains.]
Angelus: Do you have any idea what it's like having nothing but women as travel companions, night in and night out?
[Wiliam angrily yanks his sizzling hand away from Angelus.]
William: Touch me again—
Angelus: Don't mistake me. I do love the ladies. It's just lately... I've been wondering... [Holds his own fist in the beam of sunlight] ...what it'd be like... [watches his hand sizzle] to share the slaughter of innocents... with another man. [turns his hand over so the palm is in the light now; looks admiringly at it as it smokes] Don't think that makes me some kind of a deviant, hmm? [pulls his hand back close to his face] Do you?
[Staring at Angelus, William sticks his own hand in the light, voluntarily this time.]
Angelus: [laughs, slaps William on the shoulder affectionately] I like this one! You and me, we're gonna be the best of friends.
[Angelus and William laugh together.]

[Spike and Angel are fighting to reach the Cup of Perpetual Torment.]
Spike: Come on, hero. Tell me more. Teach me what it means. And I'll tell you why you can't stand the bloody sight of me.
Angel: Tell it to your therapist.
Spike: 'Cause every time you look at me, you see all the dirty little things I've done, all the lives I've taken... because of you! Drusilla sired me, but you... you made me a monster.
Angel: I didn't make you, Spike. I just opened up the door, and let the real you out.
Spike: You never knew the real me. Too busy trying to see your own reflection, praying there was someone as disgusting as you in the world, so you could stand to live with yourself. Take a long look, hero. I'm nothing like you!
Angel: No, you're less. That's why Buffy never really loved you, because you weren't me.
Spike: Guess that means she was thinking about you all those times I was putting it to her.

Spike: Look at you. Fighting for truth, justice, and soccer moms. But you still can't lay flesh on a cross without smelling like bacon, can you?
Angel: Like you're any different.
Spike: That's just it. I am, and you know it. You had a soul forced on you as a curse, make you suffer for all the horrible things you've done. But me, I fought for my soul, went throught the demon trials. Almost did me in a dozen times over but I kept fighting. 'Cause I knew it was the right thing to do. It's my destiny.
Angel: Really? Heard it was just to get inside a girl's pants.

[Spike is poised to drink from the Cup.]
Spike: Probably should've dusted you. But honestly... I don't wanna hear her bitch about it.
Angel: Spike, wait. Wait. That's not a prize you're holding. It's not a trophy. It's a burden. It's a cross. One you're gonna have to bear till it burns you to ashes. Believe me. I know. So ask yourself: Is this really the destiny that was meant for you? Do you even really want it? Or is it that you just want to take something away from me?
Spike: [pauses] Bit of both. [drinks]
Angel: [lunges to try to stop him, but too late.] Spike?
Spike: [drops the cup, stares at Angel, bewildered.] I-it's... Mountain Dew.

Spike: [yelling after Angel] Try staking your mother when she's coming on to you!
Harmony: Well, that explains a lot.

[Thinking he is still incorporeal, Spike runs into a door]
Spike: Bugger, that hurt!

[William walks into the hotel and sees Angelus humping a woman dressed in white on the bed.]
William: Well... looks like you haven't had your fill of her after all—
[Angelus leans back, revealing that's he's been with Drusilla.]
Drusilla: [rolls her head over to look at William] The little children didn't come out to play. [sits up, leaning closer to Angelus's chest] Did you miss me, pretty William?
Angelus: I'm sure he did, Dru. After all... you are his destiny.
Drusilla: Oh. That's so sweet.
[Angelus laughs at William. Drusilla joins in the laughter. William gets a look of enraged hatred as he glares at Angelus.]

[Angelus throws William into the wall, squeezing his neck.]
William: Don't touch her!
Angelus: Little late for that, Willy. And I really don't like it when you raise your voice to me.
Drusilla: William, don't play such a sad tune. [reclines seductively] Give us a kiss, then.
William: Why did you...? You knew. You knew she was mine.
Angelus: Did I?
William: You knew bloody well!
[He wrenches himself free of Angelus's grasp and punches him. He charges Angelus who then easily deflects him and pushes him to the floor.]
Angelus: Just don't get it now, do you?
[Angelus picks William up by the lapels, throwing him onto the couch, and pushes the corpses off the couch to sit beside him.]
Angelus: Well, you're new... and a little dim. So let me explain to you how things are now. There's no belonging or deserving anymore. You can take what you want, have what you want... but nothing is yours. [Drusilla walks out into the doorway.] Not even her.
William: You're wrong. We're forever, Drusilla and me.
Drusilla: [clasps her hands over her heart] Are we?
Angelus: Ah, still the poet now, aren't we, Willy?
William: William.
Angelus: Right. William. You know, you really should find a new name for yourself. It just doesn't strike the right note of terror. [pats William's knee, stand, goes to stand behind Drusilla] Tell you what... William. If you want her... [slips his hands around Drusilla's body, below the waist] ...come and take her.
[Drusilla holds her hands out, beckoning William. William charges Angelus angrily.]

Harm's Way[edit]

Angel: If you don't kill, we won't kill you. [in a Wolfram & Hart employee orientation video]

Harmony: [to Fred] We're totally bonding. We're like gal pals. This is awesome. You can teach me about life, and I can teach you how to dress better.

Harmony: I just—I don't get it. Why'd you kill Eli?
Angel: Didn't much like what he was doing in his off hours.
Harmony: Well, that's not right. What Eli did on his own time—
Gunn: Is dismember virgins.
Harmony: Oh. Well, a person's religious beliefs is no cause for—
Gunn: He did it for his own amusement.
Harmony: Oh. Well, okay. Still, couldn't you've given him a stern warning or something first?
Angel: Called a zero-tolerance policy, not a maybe-this-once policy.

Wesley: [reading through a document] This is a complete list of manners and customs. We should probably all memorize this. Apparently, gazing at a Vinji's ankles can lead to eye gouging.

Harmony: [to Fred] I just wish I were more like you. You know, except for the part about being all into science... and not having a lot up front.

Harmony: Yeah, not mattering. I know that feeling well.
Spike: Oh, come on, Harm. You matter to someone.
Harmony: I do?
Spike: Yeah. Girl tried to frame you, didn't she? Must've mattered to her. Everybody's talking about it.
Harmony: You're right. That girl hated me. She wanted me dead. I matter.

Harmony: You don't know the half of it. I've been doing a whole bunch of research on these guys. Their customs and stuff. Did you know that they think poodles are wicked bad luck?
Wesley: Harmony, I'm glad you're here. We'll be needing lunch.

Harmony: He's the Demon Rights Activist? He told me he was an Astronaut!

[As the demon leaders demand a sacrifice, Harmony burts in and stakes Tamika]
Harmony: Oops. I didn't mean to do that yet.
Vinji Leader: I'm good.
Sahvrin Leader: Works for me.
[both leaders sit down satisfied while Angel is so furious he's speechless]

Soul Purpose[edit]

Spike: [to Lindsey] Ahh. Uh, yeah, thanks... but not really my type, Mary. So be a good lad and push off. What are you gawking at?
Lindsey: A guy like you, whiling away his time in some cheesy downtown strip dive. Look like somebody who's feeling kinda lost.
Spike: Is that right? Funny, thought I knew exactly where I was. Place called the Peppermint Stick. Prima ballerina up there's Sunshine. Though I'm fairly certain that's not her real name.

Eve: How's our blond crusader? He buying into it?
Lindsey: So far. I mean, he hasn't sewn a big red S on his chest yet, but he's getting there.

Lindsey: You can call me Doyle.

Woman in alley: Thank you! Thank you! That thing was going to kill me!
Spike: Well, what did you expect? Out alone in this neighborhood - I've got half a mind to kill you myself, you half-wit.
Woman in alley: What?
Spike: I mean honestly, what kind of retard wears heels like that in a dark alley? Take two steps and break your bloody ankle.
Woman in alley: [annoyed] I was just trying to get home.
Spike: Well, get a cab, you moron, and on the way, if a stranger offers you candy, don't get in the van!

[Angel is dreaming that the team are celebrating for Spike.]
Spike: Well, this is... Thank you, everyone. I don't know what to say. I'm just a working-class bloke fulfilling his destiny. It was nothing, really.
Fred: Nothing? Spike, you single-handedly ended Armageddon and turned the world into a beautiful, happily-ever-after-candy-mountain place where all our dreams come true.
[The world is shown as looking like a fairytale.]
Spike: Beautiful, isn't it?
Gunn: The living end. And now it's time for your reward.
Wesley: Yes, your reward!
Spike: But I didn't do this for a reward.
Gunn: Well, that's why you're getting one.
[The Blue Fairy enters the room.]
Wesley: After all, anyone who saves the universe from eternal bloodshed, horror, and misery deserves to get what they've always wanted.
Fred: Deserves to become a real boy.
Fairy: And so you shall. [waves her wand over Spike]
Spike: My heart. It's... it's beating again! Listen.
Fred: [puts her ear to his chest] You're human, Spike. You're alive!
Gunn: Ooh, I wanna hear!
Wesley: Let's hear it for Spike!
[The staff shout "Hip Hip Hooray" for Spike as Angel walks away sadly, pushing a mail cart.]

Damage[edit]

Fred: You play golf? Since—what?
Gunn: All part of the mojo the big boys installed. Half the cases that cross our desk are settled out on the links before they ever make it to trial.
Fred: Nine holes instead of a jury of your peers. Just what the founding fathers had in mind.

Doctor Rabinaw: A lawyer? I already told the police everything I know.
Angel: Well, let's go over it again, just in case you left out any details.
Spike: What he said. But with a bit more of a threat at the end.

[Angel shows up just in time to see Spike being thrown from a window]
Angel: What happened?
Spike: Oh, I just thought I'd see what it was like to bounce off the pavement. Pretty much what I expected.

Andrew: Mr. Giles and a few key Sunnydale alum have been tracking down the recently chosen, guiding them, training them, giving them the full X-Men, minus the crappy third act. But this Dana girl, she's an anomaly that no one could have foreseen. Tortured, traumatized, driven insane by Yoda knows who.

Spike: A psychotic vampire slayer.
Angel: How many times you gonna keep sayin' that?
Spike: Just tryin' to wrap my lobes around it. A psycho slayer.

[Angel and Spike enter the office where Andrew and the gang are.]
Andrew: Spike?
Spike: [sees Andrew] Oh, for the love of...
Andrew: Spike? It's you. It's really you! [hugs Spike, sobbing] My therapist thought I was holding onto false hope, but... I knew you'd come back. [sniffles, releases Spike from the hug to look him in the eyes] You're like… you're like Gandalf the White, resurrected from the pit of the Balrog, [touches his palms to Spike's face] more beautiful than ever. [hugs Spike tightly around the neck] Ohh… he's alive, Frodo. He's alive.
Angel: [smirking] You two know each other?
Andrew:[steps back from Spike, sniffles, straightens his lapels] Uh, yeah. Um… We—we saved the world together. I mean, Buffy helped, but… it was mostly us.

Spike: Andrew double-crossed us? [pause] That's a good move. [chuckles] Hope for the little ponce yet.

Spike: [about Dana] The tingling in my forearms tells me she's too far gone to help. She's... one of us now. She's a monster.
Angel: She's an innocent victim.
Spike: So were we... once upon a time.
Angel: [understanding] Once upon a time.

You're Welcome[edit]

Cordelia: Spike's a hero and you're CEO of Hell, Incorporated. What frickin' bizzaro world did I wake up in?

[After Angel stops Spike from biting Cordelia]
Spike: She's evil, you gormless tit!
Cordelia: Excuse me? Who bit whom?
Angel: Did you call me a tit?
Cordelia: I thought he had a soul.
Spike: I thought she didn't.
Cordelia: I do.
Spike: So do I.
Cordelia: Well, clearly mine's better!

Cordelia: [grabs Eve by the ear] Let's go, Lilah Jr.

Angel: We've got a problem, Eve.
Eve: Damn right, you do. When I tell the partners you assaulted me—
Angel: [pacing] A couple weeks ago, a man approached Spike. Told him that the Powers That Be have some missions for him. Spike, brain trust that he is, went along with it.
Spike: [insulted] Hey!
Angel: [standing in front of Eve now] He's the one who told Spike to save me from the parasite. The parasite you put on me in the first place.
Eve: Not this again.
[Eve starts to stand but Cordy steps in front of her.]
Cordelia: Get out of that chair and I will feed you those Manolo Blahniks. [looks at Eve's shoes] Which are stunning, by the way. [smirks]
Angel: Seems to me like you and this guy are working together.
Eve: [sits] Look, I don't know what you're talking about, but you—you can't keep me here. I have to leave.
Angel: But the thing that really, really pisses me off is that this guy seems to be going by the name of Doyle.
Eve: Doesn't ring a bell.
Cordelia: It does to me. [yelling in Eve's face] Rings a big fricking gong, and I wanna know who has the nerve to be using that name.
Angel: I'm gonna give you one chance to tell me where he is.

Cordelia: Angel, torture her.
Angel: What?
Eve: What?
Cordelia: You heard me. Building's clearing out, means we don't have a lot of time. Have at it.
Angel: I can't just torture her.
Fred: He's right, Cordy. If we sink to their level...
[Harmony races past them and starts attacking Eve]
Angel: Harmony!
Harmony: Is this okay? I mean, I am evil, technically. I don't mind torturing her for the team.
Angel: Yeah. Okay.
[Harmony punches Eve in the face]
Harmony: Come on, you hussy! [backhands Eve across the face] Spill it!

Wesley: Had to be someone else. Someone with the ability to slip past Wolfram & Hart security systems.
Lorne: Like our magically tattooed faux Doyle.
Angel: Spike, I don't wanna go in blind. Anything else you know about this guy?
Spike: Not much. Average size. Dressed like an urban cowboy. Got his hand chopped off once.
Cordy: His hand?
[Angel, Cordy, Wes, and Gunn realize who is impersonating Doyle.]
Wesley: He's back.
Angel: Lindsey.
Fred: Who?
Angel: Lock the building down, make sure he can't get out. Don't trust security systems. He won't show up because of those tattoos of his.
Wesley: There could be a way to fix that. I'll need some help.
Lorne: My dance card's free.
Fred: [to Angel] Who is Lindsey?
Cordelia: A lawyer. Wolfram & Hart's former golden boy, till he ran off to go find himself.
Angel: Yeah, he should've stayed lost. Harmony, guard Eve. She moves, eat her.
Harmony: [grins widely] Really? Thanks.

Lindsey: [looking at the tank] Bye-bye, Angel.
[looks up to see Angel and Cordelia blocking the exit]
Angel: Hello, Lindsey.
Lindsey: [grins] And the hero arrives right on schedule. And with a date.
Cordelia: Yeah. Dinner and a show... and you're both.
[Angel walks slowly toward Lindsey with his arms crossed.]
Lindsey: Is this the part where I get all weak in the knees? Promise I'll never do it again?
Angel: Little late for that, Doyle.
Lindsey: There's always time for redemption. Isn't that your whole thing?
Angel: You had your chance. I guess some people, they just never change.
[Angel starts to backhand Lindsey, but Lindsey catches his hand mid-thrust and punches Angel in the ribs before throwing him hard across the room. Angel rollls across the floor into the opposite wall.]
Lindsey: I did.

[Angel is fighting Lindsey, currently hand-to-hand]
Angel: All those tattoos.
[Ducks under a punch from Lindsey]
Angel: All those new tricks you've learned.
[Dodges another punch]
Angel: They just don't matter.
[Blocks Lindsey's next punch]
Angel: Doesn't matter what you try...
[Another punch is blocked]
Angel: Or where I am...
[Another blow is blocked]
Angel: Or how bad-ass you think you've become, because you know what?
[Grabs Lindsey by the throat and holds him up close to his face]
Angel: I'm Angel.
[Throws Lindsey away dismissively]
Angel: I beat the bad guys.

[Angel puts on his jacket. Cordelia walks into his office. Angel sighs.]
Cordelia: So, you feel good?
[Angel turns toward Cordelia]
Angel: Yeah, I do. I just... I kinda feel bad about it.
Cordelia: My God, you are a piece of work.
Angel: I just [laughs]...I just don't feel I deserve... I mean all I did was beat up a tiny Texan. [Angel sits down] Not like I helped anyone.
Cordelia: Sure you did.
Angel: Who?
Cordelia: Boy, I really do fall for dumb ones. You know how you're always trying to save, oh, every single person in the world? Did it ever occur to you: you are one of them?
Angel: No, it never did.
Cordelia: Well, you made the list, gorgeous. And you needed some help.
Angel: And you were the one that...helped me.
Cordelia: Did my part. [Cordelia sits next to Angel]
Angel: [chuckles] Lindsey wasted a lot of energy trying to make me doubt myself. I know it's not even close to over. I do feel like... I can do this. Wolfram and Hart, whatever's coming, I feel like we can beat it.
Cordelia: I know.
Angel: You do?
Cordelia: I always did. I... I just needed you to know it too.
Angel: So, all that stuff about the deals with the devil...
Cordelia: Is God's honest truth. But you're bigger than that. You'll win this in the end. [she gets up] I, uh, I just wish I could be there to see it. [sighs]
Angel: [he gets up] What do you mean? You're not...?
Cordelia: I can't stay. This isn't me anymore. You can say goodbye to the gang for me, explain everything, once you understand.
Angel: That's gonna be never. I... I need you here.
Cordelia: Don't make this hard, Angel. I'm just on a different road, and this is my off ramp. The Powers That Be owed me one and I didn't waste it. I got my guy back on track.
Angel: Cordy, there's just...
Cordelia: [she puts her hand on Angel's cheek] We take what we can get, champ, and we do our best with it. [tearing up] I'll be seeing you. [she turns and starts to walk away] Oh, what the hell... One for the road?
[she rushes to Angel and the two embrace and kiss]
[the phone rings]
Angel: You know, um, [whispers] I don’t... I don’t need to get that.
Cordelia: That... you have to get.
[Angel walks towards the phone]
Cordelia: Oh, and you’re welcome.
[Angel picks up the phone]
Angel: Hello? Yes, I know, she’s... But that’s impossible, she’s standing right… [Angel turns around to see Cordelia gone; he puts the phone back to his ear] I’m sorry. [chokes up] Yeah. Did, um, so when did she die? Did, she, um... She never did wake up? I see. [he hangs up the phone and speaks softly] Thank you.

Why We Fight[edit]

Spike: Angelus? They'll let anyone in here.

Angel: You're a Nazi?
Spike: [Wearing a Nazi jacket] What? Oh. No, I just ate one.

Spike: Sneaky bastards, the SS. Don't ever go to a free virgin blood party. Turns out, it's probably a trap.
Angel: You were captured at a free virgin blood party?
Spike: I know. Who would've thought.

Angel: We are not going to kill anyone, understood?
Spike:[Making a rude hand gesture at Angel] Heil Hitler.

Lawson: Aren't ya gonna ask me how I got in here?
Angel: No. You'd be amazed at how many people break into this building on a regular basis.

Lawson: Did they at least torture you? Please tell me they did.
Angel: Never gave them a chance. Jumped ship... off the coast of Maine. Went underground till the war was over.
Lawson: Like any other coward.
Angel: Wars are won and lost by men.
Lawson: You mean...like me? No, wait, that doesn't apply anymore, does it?
Angel: I never wanted to do this to you.
Lawson: Oh, put your hanky away. I know how important the technology they pulled from the sub was to helping us stop the Germans. Sounded like a fair shake. One person damned to make the world safe for future generations. [looks over at Angel's gang] Except these guys.
Angel: Killing them's not going to change the past.
Lawson: But it'll hurt you. Maybe that's enough.
Angel: Never is.
Lawson: Then maybe I found my mission again after all these years.
Angel: Being an evil son of a bitch not keeping you busy?
Lawson: We all need a reason to live, even if we're already dead. Mom, apple pie, the stars and stripes... That was good enough for me till I met you. Then I had this whole creature-of-the-night thing going for me—the joy of destruction and death—and I embraced it. I did all the terrible things a monster does—murdered women and children, tortured fathers and husbands just to hear 'em scream—and through it all... I felt nothing. 60 years of blood drying in my throat like ashes. So what do you think? Is it me, chief? Or does everyone you sired feel this way?
Angel: You're the only one I ever did this to...after I got a soul.
Lawson: Do I have one, too?
Angel: I don't think it works that way, son.
Lawson: Didn't think so.
[Lawson attacks Angel.]

Lawson: [To Angel] You gave me just enough, didn't you? Enough of your soul to keep me trapped between who I was and who I should be. I'm nothin'... because of you.

[Angel manages to get the upper hand in his fight with Lawson, but hesitates to stake him]
Lawson: Come on Chief, give me a mission. [Angel stakes Lawson, killing him]

Smile Time[edit]

[A spell has transformed Angel into a puppet.]
Fred: Oh, my God! Angel, you're... cute!
Puppet Angel: Fred, don't...
Fred: But the little hands! And the hair! [strokes his hair]
Puppet Angel: Hey! You're fired.

Lorne: Maybe it's some kind of puppet... cancer?
Puppet Angel: [teeth gritted] I do not have puppet cancer!

Spike: [barges into Angel's office] Hello, big guy! Need another car. Afraid this last one ended up in the drink... [stops in mid-thought when he sees puppet Angel sitting at the desk]
Puppet Angel: [anxiously] Spike...
Spike: [staring] Look at you.
Puppet Angel: [gesturing with his hands] Just turn around and walk away.
Spike: [still staring] You're a—
Puppet Angel: Spike!
Spike: You're a bloody puppet! [starts laughing uncontrollably]

Puppet Angel: What are you people looking at? Well?!
Spike: They're looking at the wee little puppet man.

Puppet Angel: [after beating Spike, to the bemused staff] Yes, I'm a puppet. Doesn't mean you don't have work to do. [walking back to his office] Harmony, get my call list.
Harmony: Um...
Puppet Angel: Spike needs a car.
Spike: [to Harmony] You heard the puppet.

Wesley: [about Angel] He's realized Nina has feelings for him.
Fred: Well, took long enough.
Wesley: He can be rather dense.
Fred: Um... By the way, my car is in the shop again and I was thinking—
Wesley: Of course. [picks up the phone]
Fred: Maybe, you and I, we could—
Wesley: [holds up his hand to silence her] Yes, Ms. Burkle needs a driver to take her home tonight. That's right: 511 Windward Circle.

[Angel tries to sew up an open slit on his head and fails.]
Angel: Stupid fingers! [string snaps] Stupid string!

A Hole in the World[edit]

Fred: I'm gonna study, mom. I'm gonna learn every damn thing they know up there, and then figure out some stuff they don't. And I'll be careful. I'll even be dull, boring. Cross my heart.
[cut to Fred menacingly screaming and burning demons with a flame-thrower]

Fred: Kind of cool, physiologically. They reproduce by vomiting up crystals that attract and mutate the microbes around them to form eggs.
Wesley: Are you trying to turn me on?

[Angel has been run through with a large sword by Spike; there's a creepy demon bug on his back, dangling from where the sword exits his body]
Spike: Fuss, fuss. The thing was about to strike. It was on your back. What was I supposed to do?
Angel: Ask me to turn around.
Spike: Heat of battle. There wasn't time.
Angel: You just like stabbing me.
Spike: I—I'm shocked— shocked that you'd say that. I much prefer hitting you with blunt instruments.

Gunn: [singing] Three little maids who, all unwary,/ Come from a ladies' seminary,/ Freed from its genius tutelary—/ Three little maids from school!/ Three little maids —
[Gunn notices Wesley is at his door.]
Gunn: [rapping] ...and ya don't stop with all the ladies in the... gangsta but ... go [spoken] What's up?
Wesley: I should ask you. You seem unutterably cheery.
Gunn: I am. I am. Look...I gotta be straight with you, 'cause this is kinda blowin' my mind.
Wesley: Tell me.
Gunn: Fred and I are gettin' back together. [Wesley's smile melts] She was so keyed up from last night's fight, she asked me over. We ended up talkin' for hours, like old times. Then, all of a sud...I can't even keep this up, 'cause your face is gonna make me weep. Wes, I am so messin' with you.

Spike: Harmony just pulled me out of a very promising poker game down in Accounts Receivable, so this better be good. Oh, and, by the way, all the guys down there agree that astronauts don't stand a chance against cavemen, so don't even start.
Angel: Look, I can't do this anymore.
Spike: Admitting defeat, are you?
Angel: You and me. This isn't working out.
Spike: [mock-dramatic] Are you saying we should start annoying other people?

Spike: There's a hole in the world. Feels like we ought to have known.

Spike: I've never flown before.
Angel: I've been in a helicopter. They don't... (looks nervously out the window) go this high.
Spike: Back to the mother country. Hey, after we save Fred, we should hit the West End, take in a show.
Angel: I've never seen Les Miz.
Spike: (scoffs) Trust me, half way through the first act, you'll be drinking humans again.
Angel: Can't lose her, Spike.
Spike: We won't.
Angel: I lost Cordy.

Fred: [dying in his arms] Wesley, why can't I stay?

Shells[edit]

Gunn: What about her—If her organs have been liquefied?
Spike: [raises hand] Flash fried in a pillar of fire, savin' the world. I got better.

Harmony: I want to help. Fred's my friend. We went out for drinks all the... once.

Angel: Any idea how she got past you?
Gunn: One second she was standing there, the next, poof.
Angel: She's a teleporter?
Wesley: I don't think so. No characteristic displacement of the atmosphere around her.
Spike: I fancied I saw a blur just before she went Houdini.
Gunn: Yeah, like she was pulling a Barry Allen.
[Angel looks at him, not recognizing the name; Gunn looks around at the others]
Gunn: Jay Garrick? Wally— Like she was moving really fast.

Wesley: Is there something you'd like to tell me, Charles?
[Gunn turns in horror to see Wes is holding him at gunpoint after overhearing some of Gunn's conversation with the doctor.]
Wesley: Knox was in contact with the doctor. But you already know that, don't you?
Gunn: Yeah, one of my sources...
Wesley: Don't! What he said... about Fred, about her soul, is it true? What did you do, Charles?
Gunn: It was just a piece of paper. I was losing it. Everything they put in my head, everything that made me different. Special. And he could fix it. Make it permanent. So I signed a piece of paper. It was a custom's release form. I didn't think anyone would get hurt.
Wesley: Nothing from Wolfram & Hart is ever free. You knew that.
Gunn: I couldn't go back... to being just the muscle. I... I didn't think it would be one of us. I didn't think it would be Fred.
Wesley: I understand not wanting to go back, not wanting to be who we were. I understand it. And I can forgive it. But you knew what was happening to her. You knew who was responsible and you didn't say anything. You let her die.
[Picks up a scalpel from the table and thrusts it into Gunn's gut.]
Wesley: I'm less forgiving about that.

Angel: [slams Wesley against wall] What the hell did you do?
Wesley: What I had to.
Angel: I don't remember seeing "stab Gunn" on the agenda this morning.
Wesley: I avoided the major organs. He'll probably live.
Angel: Is that supposed to make it all right?
Wesley: Nothing is all right! Nothing will ever be all right.
Angel: We'll get her back, Wes.
Wesley: No, we won't. Fred's soul... her soul was destroyed resurrecting Illyria.

Wesley: Illyria.
Angel: We have to stop her before she-
Spike: Unleashes hell on earth?
Angel: What'd you get out of the doctor?
Spike: Screams. Various fluids. And a name: Vahla ha’nesh.

Angel: You're about as low as it gets, Knox, but you're a part of humanity. That isn't always pretty, but it's a hell of a lot better than what came before. [to Illyria] And if it comes down to a choice between you and him, then yes, I would fight for his life, just like any other human's. Because that's what people do. That's what makes us —
[Wesley shoots and kills Knox.]
Angel: [to Wes] Were you even listening?

Illyria: We cling to what is gone. Is there anything in this life but grief?
Wesley: There's love. There's hope - for some. There's hope that you'll find something worthy. That your life will lead you to some joy. That after everything, you can still be surprised.
Illyria:Is that enough? Is that enough to live for?

Underneath[edit]

Spike: My first official parley as a very loosely affiliated member of... what are we? Tell me we're not Scoobies.
Angel: We haven't got-
Spike: [Interrupting] A name? Probably just as well. You'd want to be Angel's Avengers or something.
Angel: [laughing] Please. Angel's Avengers. Thats so... [stops laughing and gets a look implying that he likes the name]
Spike: So what's on the agenda?
Angel: Uh, I have assignments for people— [a fizzing noise is heard, Angel glances over]
Spike: What? [Angel glares] I'm listening. With beer.
Angel: Forget it. This isn't a meeting, this is you being annoying.
Spike: [looking at the page] Hey, bullet points. Classy. Why am I always reconnaissance? I should get a decently flash gig like "save the girl" or "steal the emerald with the girl".
Angel: "Handsome man saved me from the monsters."
Spike: Exactly! Or... What's that now?
Angel: That's the first thing Fred said to me. In Pylea. She was trapped, hiding, afraid. Nearly crazy. Crazy, but brave. I should never have let her come here. Bad things always happen here.
Spike: Hate to break it to you, mate. But bad things always happen everywhere. Besides, she wanted to be here. It was her choice.
Angel: Was it?
Spike: Bugger, you're fixing to do something stupid, aren't you.
Angel: Done it. Came here. Spend every day lying to myself about making the world a better place.
Spike: Welcome to the planet. We all paint on our happy faces everyday, when all we really want is to pound the neighbour's missus, steal his Ben Franklins and, while we're at it, not think about the third of the world that's starving to death.

Angel:Listen, Gunn... I know you feel bad about your part in what happened to Fred. And you should. For the rest of your life, it should wake you up in the middle of the night. And it will...because you're a good man. You signed a piece of paper, that's all.
Gunn: But I knew. Not about Fred, but... when I signed, I knew there would be consequences.
Angel: You know, the thing about atonement is, you never run out of chances... but you gotta take 'em. You can't hide in some hospital room and pretend it's all gonna go away... 'cause it never will.

Illyria: I walked worlds of smoke and half-truths, intangible. Worlds of torment and of unnamable beauty. Opaline towers as high as small moons. Glaciers that rippled with insensate lust... And one world with nothing but shrimp... I tired of that one quickly.

Lorne: [asking Eve] This thing coming after you. How bad on a scale of, say, one to Terminator?
Eve: [about Hamilton] Oh, god. He's here.
Harmony: That's the guy? He's just a suit.
Guard: Hey, you, stop! Put your hands up!
[Hamilton punches the guard through the stomach so hard that his hand comes out the back, covered in blood.]
Eve, Harmony, and Lorne: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Origin[edit]

Illyria: You break so easily. Why do you bother getting back up?
Spike: Right. We need to set some ground rules. First off... no more punching me in the face. Secondly, when I punch you in the face, you tell me how you feel so I can write that down on my clipboard. Third... no touching my clipboard. Fourth...
Illyria: I enjoy hurting you.
Spike: Well, we're gonna have to fix that, 'cause...
[Illyria kicks Spike in the face. Spike punches her. Illyria punches him across the room]
Wesley: How goes it?
Illyria: I've been hitting the half-breed. He makes noise.
Spike: We're off to a bit of a rough start, but don't worry. I'll break her.
Wesley: She's not a horse, Spike. You know, this room is equipped with automated training devices. You don't have to test her by just... allowing her to pummel you.
Spike: We're working on the basics. But don't worry—I'm writing it all down.
Wesley: Ok. Fine.
Illyria: You reek of frustration. Curls off of you like smoke.
Spike: Actually, love, we call that scotch. 12-year Lagavulin, if I'm not mistaken. Good choice.
Wesley: It's nothing. I'm just, uh... I had a... slight disagreement with Angel.
Spike: Oh, old broody-pants got you wound up, eh? Keep in mind, he can't get laid without maybe going crazy. Makes it funny.
Illyria: In my time, a leader would punish your insolence with death.
Wesley: We're not being insolent, Illyria.
Spike: I am.

Marcus Hamilton: Let's be clear about this. Things run differently now. I'm not a little girl, and you and I won't be making love on this couch anytime soon. Now, with that in mind, how can I help you?

[Illyria sends Spike flying through the training room door.]
Spike: You filthy harlot! [Gets to his feet] I'm gonna tear your neck out!

Illyria: [To Connor] Your body warms. [to Angel] This one is lusting after me.
Connor: Oh... no, I--I-- [looks down, chuckling embarrassed] It's just that...it's the outfit. [whispers to Angel] I guess I've always had a thing for older women.
Angel: [under his breath] They were supposed to fix that.
Connor: What?

Connor: Open sesame. Or whatever.
[Connor takes the top off of the urn, and silvery smoke emanates from it, assembling nearby, forming Sahjahn.]
Sahjahn: [looks around, sees Connor] Thank you, mortal, for releasing me from my cursed prison. In gratitude, I grant you 3 wishes.
Connor: Really?
Sahjahn: Nah. I'm just messing with you.
Connor: [frowns] Oh.
Sahjahn: [chuckles] I do appreciate it, though. (stretches his neck) Ahh... that urn wasn't exactly a day at the spa. I owe you one.
Connor: Right. Well, before you start trying to kiss me, I should probably tell ya... you and I, we're, uh...supposed to fight.
Sahjahn: Is that right?
Connor: Yeah.
Sahjahn: Now, why would you want...[Looks closer at Connor]...ah! You're him.
Connor: Yeah. I'm me. Hi. You can take a moment, if you want. There's some weapons and stuff over here if you think you'll need them.
Sahjahn: Thanks.

Sahjahn: Been a while since we've seen each other. How'd Quor-Toth work out for you, anyway?
Connor: Uh...worked out great. Thanks for asking.
Sahjahn: You know, I've had a long time to plan for this moment. I figured you'd be a lot more... intimidating.
Connor: Yeah. Well... I figured I was going to Tony Roma's with my folks tonight, but... I'm here. Learn to cope.
Sahjahn: I'll work on it.
[Pulls a faster than light punch, knocking Connor to the ground.]

Sahjahn: [To Connor] You know...I went through a lot of trouble to get rid of you. What a colossal waste of time that turned out to be.
[Kicks Connor in the ribs, sending him flying across the room. Cuts back to Angel and Vail and later back to the fight. Sahjahn grabs Connor by the lapels and lifts him into the air before slamming him on the table. Connor groans.]
Sahjahn: These prophecies are turning out to be pretty overrated. I gotta tell you, kid, you're making a good case for the whole concept of free will.

Wesley: You changed the world.
Angel: He's my son, Wesley. Connor's my son.
Wesley: Did you trade her? Did you trade Fred for your son?
Angel: What?
Wesley: Everything that's happened since we took over Wolfram & Hart, everything that's happened to...her... Did you know? Was Fred the price?
Angel: No. Wes... I can explain. Just put that down.
Wesley: Why are you so afraid of this? He said it would bring back the past. Will it undo what you've done?
Angel: No. It won't bring her back.
Wesley: Let's find out.
[He motions like he's going to throw the glass cube to the ground.]
Angel: No! Please. You have to trust me.
Wesley: I can't. Not anymore.
[Wesley slams the glass cube into the ground. As it shatters, the cube releases an explosion of bright yellow light, sending everyone in the room back from the blast. The force of the magic knocked everyone to the ground. Wesley, his past memories now available to him, stares at Angel in shock and dismay. Angel sees Wesley reacting to those memories, and remembers his son is nearby as well.]

[Connor has just decapitated Sahjahn.]
Angel: Connor?
Connor: Whoa! You see that? I went a little hard-core there for a second. That guy made me really cranky.
Angel: Are you OK?
Connor: Yeah. I guess. I don't really like people touching my neck, you know?
Angel: Connor... uh...
Connor: Hey, can we... get outta here? I'd like to go back... see my parents. This whole fighting thing, I'm not... I'm not really sure it's for me.

[A haggard and very unhappy-looking Wesley sits at his desk in the dark staring straight ahead. Illyria stands nearby.]
Illyria: You betrayed Angel. You stole his son. He tried to kill you.
Wesley: Yes.
Illyria: Are these the memories you needed back? Does this now make you Wesley?
Wesley: At least I know what happened.
Illyria: Do you? There are two sets of memories—those that happened and those that are fabricated. It's hard to tell which is which.
Wesley: Try to push reality out of your mind. Focus on the other memories. They were created for a reason.
Illyria: To hide from the truth?
Wesley: To endure it.

Connor: I thought sunlight burned you up.
Angel: Special glass.
Connor: Cool. You should, like, make a whole suit out of it like the pope has.
Angel: How's your dad?
Connor: He's fine. They're releasing him now. I should warn you he's pretty pissed. I told him that you took me out demon fighting and, uh, almost got me killed. He wants to have a talk with you.
Angel: All right. I'll, uh...
Connor: I'm kidding! Man, you gotta lighten up. He thinks we spent the whole night doing tests. I told him I could bench press, like, 1,000 pounds.
Angel: What are you gonna tell them about... who you are?
Connor: The truth, more or less. I'll tell them that I'm different. I'll tell them it's... actually a good thing. I'll tell them to stop worrying so much.
Angel: Well, they're parents.
Connor: Yeah, I know. They'll feel a lot better knowing you're looking out for me.
Angel: We still haven't found Vail, but we will.
Connor: I'm not too worried about him. Nothing he can show me I haven't already seen. Anyway... I just wanted to say good-bye. I gotta go back to my life now.
Angel: Oh...do you really have to leave? I mean, right now?
Connor: I kinda think I should. I need to take care of my parents. This isn't their world. They really don't feel safe here. You gotta do what you can to protect your family. I learned that from my father.
[Angel watches Connor walk out of his office toward the elevator. Connor presses the elevator button and waits. When the elevator door opens, he casts one last glance at Angel, then walks onto the elevator.]

Time Bomb[edit]

Marcus: Curing cancer, Mr. Wyndam-Price?
Wesley: Wouldn't be cost-effective. I'm sure we make a lot from cancer.
Marcus: [chuckles] Yes. The patent holder is a client.

Gunn: Hey.
Wesley: Gunn. First day back?
Gunn: Yeah.
[Wesley grabs another book from a cabinet, rushes back to his desk before pausing to address Gunn.]
Wesley: I stabbed you. I should apologize for that. But I'm honestly not sure how. I think it'll just be awkward.
Gunn: Good call.
Wesley: OK.
Gunn: I ain't lookin' for a sorry. Don't know if I'd accept it. Besides, I just got my heart cut out of my chest every day for 2 weeks straight. Compared to what? A little jab in the gut? Kinda over it.

Wesley: She still thinks she's the God-King of the Universe.
Gunn: So she's like a TV star?
Wesley: No, nothing that bad. Bit more violent, though.

Illyria: This shell...you had affection for it. For Fred.
Spike: Tons. Loved the bird.
Illyria: Yet you strike at her form without sentiment.
Spike: You ain't her. I can see it. Lord knows I can smell it. And I got no problem hittin' it.

Illyria: When the world met me, it shuddered, groaned. It knelt at my feet.
Spike: "Dear Penthouse, I don't normally write letters like this, but—"
Illyria: [punches him in the face] Illyria was all they needed to know.
Spike: Then came the Internet.

[following Illyria]
Lorne: I repeat, bluebird got wise. Secret Demon's cover is blown. Over. Hel-hello?! Is this on? Hey, Leery, now, when did you catch on to me? In the elevator? That was a tough one.

Angel: If this is our chance to get into a better grace with the head office, I have to say it's not my priority.
Marcus: Oh, no, don't think about us, Angel. Think about profits. It's profits that let you keep this plucky little boat-load of good above water. It's a business, boys, not a Batcave.
Lorne: Well, I'll tell you what--still like him better than Eve.

Angel: What if she blows?
Wesley: Conservative estimate, she takes out the better part of Los Angeles.
Angel: And unconservative?
Wesley: Rand McNally will have to alter their maps.

Illyria: Do you know what you were when I was young? You were the muck at our feet! We called you the ooze that eats itself. You were pretty at night, you sparkled and you stank! You still stink of it!
Angel: Will you just shut up for once!
Illyria: What!?
Angel: My God, the speechifying! Has it ever occurred to you that right now might not be the best time for when-we-were-muck stories!

Illyria: If you wanna win a war, you must serve no master but your ambition.

Spike: [to Illyria] It's not murder if you say yes.

The Girl in Question[edit]

Angelus: William...
William the Bloody: Bloody hell! That right bastard!
Angelus: The Immortal thinks he can do this to us?
William the Bloody: He doesn't know who he's dealing with.
Angelus: Well, he's about to find out.
William the Bloody: He's gonna curse the day he ever crossed purpose with Angelus.
Angelus: And William the Bloody.
William the Bloody: See just how immortal he is, when we're done with him.
Angelus: [regaining his Irish accent] We'll carve him up like a Sunday roast and make him watch as we feast on his steaming flesh.
[still struggling with restrains]
Angelus: How you doing?
William the Bloody: Bugger!

Angel: I helped save the world, you know.
Spike: Like I haven't.
Angel: Yeah, but I've done it a lot more.
Spike: Oh, please.
Angel: Closed the Hellmouth.
Spike: I've done that.
Angel: Yeah, but you wore a necklace. You know, I helped kill the Mayor, and uhm... Jasmine.
Spike: Do those really count as saving the world?
Angel: I stopped Acathla. That saved the world.
Spike: Buffy ran you through with a sword.
Angel: Yeah, but I made her do it. Signalled her with my eyes.
Spike: She killed you. I helped her. That one counts as mine.

Angel: [about Buffy] How'd she ever fall for a centuries old guy with a dark past who may or may not be evil?

[Angelus and William have just discovered a limp and disheveled Darla lying naked, face-down in bed.]
Angelus: Darla. Darla! Darla! What have they done? My sweet death.
Darla: Angelus. You're back.
Angelus: I'd claw my way back from the depths of hell to lay by your side.
[Pulls her into his arms for a kiss, but recoils, drops her, stands and wipes his mouth.]
Angelus: He's tasted you.
William: Who?
Angelus: Who do ya think?
William the Bloody: Well, that cheeky bastard. Had us tossed and then violates your woman.
Angelus: Did he hurt you?
Darla: Not until I asked him to. Oh, come on. Have you seen him? With the eyes and the chest and the... immortality.
William the Bloody: We're immortal.
Darla: Not like him. I mean, he's not some common vampire. He's... I don't know what he is. A giant. A titan straddling good and evil, serving no master but his own considerable desires.
Angelus: Darla...
Darla: And spiritual. Did you know he spent 150 years in a Tibetan monastery? Which I guess explains all the desire.
Angelus: He's my arch-nemesis.
Darla: Darling. It was just fornication. Really great fornication.
William the Bloody: She's glowing, mate.
Angelus: She isn't.
Darla: Little bit.
William the Bloody: Best fit you for a pair of antlers. Been made the right cuckold, you have.
Drusilla: Time for another pony ride?
William the Bloody: Son of a bitch!
Angelus: The both of ya?
Darla: He's insatiable.
William the Bloody: Drusilla, you—you let him touch you?
Drusilla: He felt like sunshine.
William the Bloody: Uh, no. No.
Angelus: That's why he had us tossed. So he could violate...
Darla: He didn't...
Angelus: Violate our women!
William the Bloody: Violate in succession!
Darla: Concurrently.
Angelus: Concurrently? You never let us do that!
Darla: Come on, Dru. Let's have a bath so the boys can weep in private.
Drusilla: Will you hold me under the water?
Darla: If you wish.
[The women walk into the next room giggling.]
Angelus: Rrrrarrgh! [throws a vase against the wall, shattering it] This is a slight that will not go unmet.
William the Bloody: Death's too quick.
Angelus: Not all deaths are quick.
William the Bloody: What do you have in mind?
Angelus: I think it's time The Immortal found out exactly who he's dealing with. I think it's time for blood vengeance.

Ilona Costa Bianchi: And you, what an honor! The great Angelus.
Angel: Actually, it's just Angel.
Ilona Costa Bianchi: Ah, yes, of course. The Gypsies, they gave you your soul. The Gypsies are filthy people. [spits] And we shall speak of them no more.

Demon Butler: You must be so lonely. Your girlfriend has become lovers with The Immortal. How unfortunate for you. And how fortunate for her.
Angel: You know The Immortal?
Demon Butler: But of course.
Angel: Ha! I knew it. None of this is a coincidence.
Spike: Been his plan all along. Steal our head, keep us busy, and traipse off with my girl. [Angel gives him a look] Our girl.
Angel: It's a setup. You're just his lackey.
Demon Butler: I should be so lucky. The Immortal does not need men like me to do his business. He is a wild card, a wolf removed from the pack, a stallion without, uh, the bridle.
Spike: What, are you in love with him?
Demon Butler: No, no, no, no. Well, OK, yes. But if anything, he's more of a, uh, inspiration, a spiritual guide. Have you read his book? Is a life changer.
Angel: [whispers to Spike] I'm gettin' a little tired of Italy.
Spike: Know what you mean.

Demon Butler: OK. No more games!
[He pulls out a gun and aims it at the bag and everyone stops fighting, but then Angel elbows a man behind him, getting in one final blow.]
Demon Butler: One more step, and the head gets it, hey? We are not animals. We are italiano. You give us the money, we give you the head.
[Angel and Spike don't move; they just stare]
Demon Butler: You give us the money, we give you the head.
[Angel and Spike stare]
Demon Butler: The money, the head. The money...
Angel: Yeah. We get it. [hits Spike] Money.
[Spike gets the money and walks toward the demon. He holds out the money, but pulls it back.]]
Spike: Hey!
[They switch bags at the same time.]
Demon Butler: Arrivederci, americanos. It was a pleasure to do the business with you.
[Demon Butler chuckles; he and his men leave]

Power Play[edit]

Nina: You should get away. Vacation? You know that word? Go to Cabo, drink margaritas, midnight skinny-dipping, making love on the beach… did you catch how I subtly included myself in your little vacation package?
Angel: Nina…
Nina: Too pushy, too needy, I never even said it. You should make love on the beach all by yourself.

Illyria: I've grown wary of this world since my powers were depleted. Strange… though I've been made more human, this place remains disconcerting.
Spike: Yeah, well, I'm afraid that never goes away. Anyhow, I thought Wesley was giving you a primer on all things human.
Illyria: He and I are no longer having intercourse.
Spike: Yeah, I… you what? What?
Illyria: He has ceased communication with me.
Spike: Oh! Oh. Communi—
Illyria: My recent reversion to the Burkle persona disturbed him. And he will not tell me why.
Spike: You don't know? You may not think you're as powerful as you were, Highness, but looking like Fred, for some of us… it's the most devastating power you have.

Izzy: You know the Fells. All they can talk about is the baby. The baby's doing this now. The baby's doing that. What a wonderful ritual sacrifice he'll make. Yak, yak, yak.

[Lindsey is explaining the Circle of The Black Thorn.]
Lindsey: It's a secret organization.
Gunn: Never heard of them.
Lindsey: That's 'cause they're secret.

Illyria: You'll have proof soon enough. A corrupted ruler on such a path sees treachery and betrayal all around him. He cannot suffer intimates and will eventually turn against them.
Spike: Guess I don't have to worry about that, 'cause Angel and me have never been intimate. Except that one...

Nina: Plane tickets? I don't believe it. We're getting away? This is.. But thought you didn't have enough time to... Ahm, wait! There are three tickets here. We taking a chaperone? [looks closer at the tickets] My sister and Amanda?
Angel: I need you to be out of here.
Nina: It's typical. You sleep with a guy and he sends your entire family out of the country. No, wait. That's actually not that typical at all. You couldn't just.. not call?

[Illyria and Drogyn are playing "Crash Bandicoot" while waiting to hear from Angel.]
Illyria: I play this game. It's pointless, and annoys me. And yet I'm compelled to play on.

Not Fade Away[edit]

Angel: This may come out a little pretentious, but... one of you will betray me.
[Spike raises his hand eagerly.]
Angel: Wes...
Spike: [disappointed] Oh... [enthusiastically] Can I deny you three times?

Angel: Then we're all agreed.
Spike: Yeah. We're all one big happy Manson family.

Lindsey: Believe it or not, I was actually talking about you. You don't care about being squashed like a bug?
Angel: You haven't heard a word I've said. For, like, years back.
Lindsey: Well, you get a little speechy, all right? And I breeze out. I got the Cliff Notes—honor and humanity. Absolute good. I heard it. So here's the plot twist—I'm in.
Angel: Why?
Lindsey: Everybody goes on about your soul. A vampire with a soul. Nobody ever mentions the fact that you're really a vampire with big brass testes. This is gonna be a circus. I mean, win or lose, you're about to pick the nastiest fight since mankind drop-kicked the last demon out of this dimension. And that you don't do without me. If you want me, I'm on your team.
Angel: I want you, Lindsey. [pause] Thinking about rephrasing that.
Lindsey: Yeah, think I'd be more comfortable if you did.

Lindsey: I could sing for you.
Lorne: I've heard you sing. [takes out a gun with a silencer and shoots Lindsey twice in the chest]
Lindsey: Why... why did you...
Lorne: One last job. You're not part of the solution, Lindsey. You never will be.
Lindsey: You killing me? A flunky?! I'm not just... Angel... kills me. You... Angel... [dies]
Lorne: Good night, folks.

Hamilton: [To Angel] You're gutter trash, and that's where you should have stayed, drinking and whoring your way through an unremarkable life. But the fates stepped in and made you a vampire, with a soul, no less. A champion. A hero of the people. And yet, you still managed to fail everyone around you. Doyle. Cordelia. Fred. They're all gone. Now it's time you followed.

Spike: Hello, Junior. The name's Spike. [picks up the baby] And lucky for you, I'm on a strict diet.
[When Spike turns to leave with the baby, he's faced with three of the Fell Brethren standing in the doorway.]
Fell Leader: Place the holy vessel back in the bassinet.
[Spike looks at the baby, who even seems to shake his head "no", then looks back at the Fell.]
Spike: [sighs] Right.
[Spike shrugs off the robe and fights off the brothers' attack while still holding the baby.]

Hamilton: Let me say this as clearly as I can. You cannot beat me. I am a part of them. The Wolf, Ram, and Hart. Their strength flows through my veins. My blood is filled with their ancient power.
Angel: Can you pick out the one word there you probably shouldn't have said? [he vamps out and bites Hamilton, draining his blood] Wow. You really are full of it!
Hamilton: You can never beat us. We are legion. We are forever!
[Angel snaps his neck]
Angel: Looks like forever just got a hell of a lot shorter.

[last lines]
Illyria: Wesley's dead. I'm feeling grief for him. I can't seem to control it. I wish to do more violence.
Spike: Well, wishes just happen to be horses today.
Angel: Amongst other things.
[A horde of demons and monsters is bearing down on the surviving members of Angel's team.]
Gunn: Okay, you take the thirty thousand on the left…
Illyria: You're fading. You'll last ten minutes at best.
Gunn: Then let's make 'em memorable.
Spike: And in terms of a plan?
Angel: We fight.
Spike: Bit more specific?
Angel: Well, personally, I kinda want to slay the dragon. Let's go to work.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

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