[Bill Reimers and Chris Leece call to Archie (a dog) who is chasing a neighbor's cat - Archie takes no notice]
- Bill: Come back here!
- Chris: Oh, stick them, Archie. Eat the cat!
[Chris Leece is angry with Gina Garrett because of her interference in the stakeout]
- Chris: If this assignment gets blown, I want to go on record right now, that this is the most stupid, dimwitted, idiotic, moronic piece of putrefied garbarge that I have ever in my entire professional career, ever had the displeasure of being involved with.
- Gina: Cover me! I'm taking a bath.
[Gina Garrett asks Bill Reimers to shave his moustache to look younger]
- Bill: I don't think you understand the relationship a man has with his facial hair.
- Captain Coldshank: Your cover is you're renting the judge's house for a month of vacation.
- Chris: As what?... friends or lovers?
- Gina: So when are we inviting them over for drinks?
- Chris: Uh, Bill.
- Bill: Yes, Chris?
- Chris: Did I just hear you ask me to invite the neighbors over for drinks? The very people we are here to stake out?
- Bill: Why, no, Chris. I'd never think of such a thing.
- Chris: Good to know, Bill!
- Bill: I've had this moustache for thirteen years. How long have you had yours?
- Bill: [on seeing their suspect] I think we should arrest him for what he's wearing!
- Chris: I usually wait about about three days before introducing myself to the people I'm staking out!
- Gina: I'll miss you guys, a little. I am going to sue for custody, though.
- Chris: [pointing to Bill] Of him? Take him, he irritates the hell out of me.
[Chris and Bill have had enough of Gina]
- Chris: Here is my badge, here is my gun, and here is me, *leaving*!
[Maria and Chris are arguing, Maria meanwhile is holding a TV in her arms]
- Chris: Now, Maria. Let's go over something. I came home last night.
- Maria: [nods crazily]
- Chris: We had sex.
- Maria: [nods crazily]
- Chris: Then I woke up and went to work like I do every morning. Now did I forget something?
- Maria: [drops the TV causing it to smash]
- Chris: [looking down at the floor with an unbelievable expression on his face]
- Maria: I'm leaving. And when I come back, I want you gone.
- Chris: [to Maria, who's running off] All right, all right! I'll marry you.
- Maria: [smiles wickedly and comes back to Chris and then plugs him in the stomach with her fist!] Life is just too short.
- Chris: [doubled over, gives a weak cough]