Batman Returns

From Wikiquote
Jump to: navigation, search

Batman Returns is a 1992 film that pits the caped crusader against both the Penguin and Catwoman.

Directed by: Tim Burton Written by: Daniel Waters

Contents

[edit] Batman/Bruce Wayne

  • (When the Batmobile doesn't compact like it should) Alright, now I'm a little worried.
  • (responding to Alfred's comment about "security" when repairing the Batmobile) Security? Who let Vicki Vale into the Batcave? I'm sitting there working. I turn around, there she is. (sarcasticallly) "Oh, hi Vick. Come on in!"
  • (To Catwoman in the Penguin's destroyed lair) Why are you doing this? Let's just take him to the police. Then we can go home. Together. Selina, don't you see? We're the same. We're the same. Split, right down the centre.

[edit] The Penguin/Oswald Cobblepot

  • [To Max] Hi. [Max gasps] I believe the word you're looking for is... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHH!!! Actually... this is all just a bad dream. You're home in bed. Heavily sedated, resting comfortably... and dying from the carcinogens you've personally spewed in a lifetime of profiteering. Tragic irony, or poetic justice? You tell me.
  • Odd as it may seem, Max, you and I have something in common: We're both perceived as monsters. But somehow, you're a well-respected monster, and I am, to date, not.
  • [to Max] I know all about you. What you hide, I discover. What you put in your toilet, I place on my mantle.
  • I wasn't born in the sewer, you know. I come from... [indicates to the opening of a drain pipe, then turns to Max] Like you. And like you, I want some respect. A recognition of my basic humanity. But most of all... I wanna find out who I really am. By finding my parents; learning my human name. Simple stuff that the good people of Gotham take for granted!
  • [about his parents] I just want to know... why they did what I guess they felt they had to do... to a child who was born... a little different. A child... who spent his first Christmas - and many since - in a sewer...
  • A penguin is a bird that cannot fly! I am a man. I have a name. [pauses] ... Oswald Cobblepot!
  • [After visiting his parents' grave] I was their number one son, and they treated me like number two! But it's human nature to fear the unusual. I guess when I held my Tiffany Baby Rattle with a shiny flipper, instead of five chubby digits... they freaked.
  • [to Batman, after they both encounter Catwoman] I saw her first. Gotta fly!
  • [to a crowd of voters] I may have saved the mayor's baby, but I refuse to save a mayor who stood by, helpless as a baby, while Gotham City was ravaged by a disease that turned eagle-scouts into crazed clowns and happy homemakers into catwomen!
  • I could really get into this Mayor stuff! It's not about power. It's about reaching out to people, touching people, groping people!
  • [seeing Catwoman] Just the pussy I've been looking for.
  • [to Catwoman] Why should I trust some Cat-broad, anyway? Maybe you're just a screwed-up sorority chick who's gettin' back at her daddy for not buying her that pony when she turned sweet sixteen.
  • [to Catwoman] You're beauty and the beast in one luscious Christmas gift pack.
  • Just relax. I'll take care of the squealing, wretched, pinhead puppets of Gotham!
  • You gotta admit, I've played this stinking city, like a harp from Hell!
  • [after a failed attempt to kill Batman] He didn't even lose a limb! An eyeball! Bladder control!
  • [when an angry crowd throws various things at him] Why is it that someone always brings eggs and tomatoes to a speech?!
  • [showing up at Max's party] You didn't invite me, so I crashed!
  • Right now, my troops are fanning out across town, for your children! Yes — for your first-born sons! The ones you left helpless at home, so you could get juiced, dress up like jerks, and dance...badly!
  • [addressing his penguin army] My dear penguins, we stand on a great threshold! It's okay to be scared; many of you won't be coming back. Thanks to Batman, the time has come to punish all of God's children! First, second, third and fourth-born! Why be biased?! Male and female! Hell, the sexes are equal, with their erogenous zones BLOWN SKY-HIGH!!! FORWAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD MARCH!!! THE LIBERATION OF GOTHAM HAS BEGUN!!!!!
  • They wouldn't put me on a pedestal, so I'm layin' 'em on a slab!
  • [Choking on his own blood as he aims an umbrella at Batman, only to reveal one with a baby mobile] AUGH! SHIT! I PICKED THE CUTE ONE... UGH, AGHH!... This heat's gettin' to me... AUGH... I'll murder you momentarily... [chokes] But first... I need a cold drink of iced water. [falls over dead]

[edit] Catwoman/Selina Kyle

  • Wow! The Batman... or is it just Batman? [After meeting Batman for the first time]
  • Honey, I'm home! Oh, I forgot. I'm not married.
  • [to Schreck] How can you be so mean to someone so meaningless?
  • I don't know about you, Miss Kitty, but I feel so much... yummier. [after her first transformation into Catwoman]
  • I am Catwoman. Hear me roar.
  • [to intervening security guards] You poor guys. Always confusing your pistols with your privates.
  • (Having been pushed from a high window by Max Shreck, Selina explains the bruise on her forehead in front of Shreck and Bruce Wayne) It's...a blur! I mean not complete amnesia. I remember Sister Mary Margaret puking in church and Betsy Riley saying it was morning sickness, and I remember the time I forgot to wear my underpants to school and the name of the boy who noticed was Ricky Freeburg...he's dead now. But last night, complete blur! Couldn't you just die?
  • [Straddling Batman] You're catnip to a girl like me.
  • [Fallen onto a truck full of gravel] Saved by kitty litter. [looks at the arm Batman napalmed] Bastard.
  • Gotta go, girl talk! [After capturing the Ice Princess]
  • It's always the so-called "normal" guys that let you down. Sickos never scare me. At least they're committed.
  • [to Bruce Wayne, after mutually uncovering each other's secret identities] Oh God... does this mean we have to start fighting?
  • [To Bruce after he revels himself as Batman] Bruce... I would... I would love, to live with you in your castle... forever just like in a fairytale [looks at Bruce and scratches him] I just couldn't live with myself! So don't pretend this is a happy ending!

[edit] Max Shreck

  • Imagine a Gotham City of the future, lit up like a blanket of stars but blinking on and off. Embarrassingly low on juice. Frankly, I cringe, Mr. Mayor.
  • Forgot my speech. Remind me to take it out on what's-her-name.
  • Mayors come and go. Bluebloods tire easy. Do you think you can go fifteen rounds with Muhammed Shreck?
  • I don't know what you want, but I know I can get it for you, with a minimum of fuss! Money, jewels... a very big ball of string.

[edit] Other Characters

  • Ice Princess: The tree lights up and then I push the button. No, no, wait, wait! I press the button and then the tree lights up, I press the button and then the tree lights up...

[edit] Dialogues

[One of Penguin's men hands him a grimy Christmas stocking]
Penguin: Ah, what have we here?...
[He gropes inside, and takes out a flask, opening it and pouring an eerie green liquid out onto a slab of stone. It hisses and dissovles part of it on contact.]
Penguin: First... a batch of toxic waste, from your "clean textile plant". There's a whole lagoon of this crud in the back!
Max: [slightly nervous] That could've come from anywhere.
Penguin: What about the documents that prove you own half the firetraps in Gotham City?
Max: If there were such documents - and that's not an admission - I would have seen to it they were shredded.
Penguin: [grins] Good idea...
[He next gets out some paper - shredded and stuck back together]
Penguin: ... But a little patience - and a LOT of tape - make all the difference. By the way, how's Fred Adkins, your old partner?
Max: [rattled] Fred? He's... actually, he's been on an extended vacation, and... well, I think he's good.
Penguin: [chuckles sinisterly] "Good"...
[He reaches into the stocking again - and pulls out a severed hand]
Penguin: [scarily cheerful voice] "HIYA, MAX! REMEMBER ME?! I'M FRED'S HAND! YEAH, YOU WANNA MEET ANY OTHER BODY PARTS?!" [normal] Remember, Max; you flush it, I flaunt it.
Max: [reconsiders] You know what, Mr... Penguin... Sir? I think perhaps I could help orchestrate a little welcome-home scenario for you. And once we're both back home, perhaps we can help each other out.
Penguin: You won't regret this, Mr. Shreck.
[He shakes Max's hand - using Fred's severed one and leaving Max holding it]
(Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle are sitting together by the fire in Wayne Manor)
Selina Kyle: You have a girlfriend?
Bruce Wayne: Sure. (Pause) Oh, as in serious? No. Had one. Didn't work.
Selina Kyle: Why? Wait, I think I know. You kept things from her.
Bruce Wayne: No. Told her everything.
Selina Kyle: And the truth frightened her?
Bruce Wayne: Well, there were two truths...you know? She had trouble reconciling them because I had trouble, uh, reconciling them...
Selina Kyle: Uh-huh.
Bruce Wayne: See, Vicki thought...
Selina Kyle: Vicki? Ice-skater or stewardess?
Bruce Wayne: (Chuckles) Well, she was a photojournalist.
Selina Kyle: And was Vicki right about your difficulty with duality?
Bruce Wayne: (Hesitates) See, if I say 'Yes' then you're going to think of me as a Norman Bates/Ted Bundy-type and, uh...well, you might not let me kiss you.
Selina Kyle: It's the so-called normal guys who let you down. Sickos never scare me. At least they're committed.
Catwoman: Did someone say fish? I haven't been fed all day.
Batman: Eat floor. (throws her down) High fiber.
Selina Kyle: Ok, intimidate me, bully me if it makes you feel big. I mean, it's not like you can just kill me!
Max: Actually, it's a lot like that.
Female Passerby: He's like a frog that turned into a prince!
Male Passerby: He's more like a penguin...
(Selina Kyle has just unexpectedly appeared during Max Shreck and Bruce Wayne's meeting)
Max Shreck: (Flustered) Selina...Selina...!
Selina Kyle: That's my name Max-i-millions! Don't wear it out or I'll make you buy me a new one!
[Batman confronts the Penguin at the scene of the Red Triangle Circus Gang's latest crime]
Batman: Admiring your handiwork?
Penguin: Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff.
Batman: You're not the mayor.
Penguin: Things change.
Batman: What do you want?
Penguin: Ah, the direct approach. I admire that in a man with a mask! [pause] You don't really think you'll win, do you?
Batman: (Icy) Things change.
Catwoman: You're catnip to a girl like me. Handsome, dazed, and to die for. (licks Batman) You're the second man who's killed me this week, but I've got seven lives left.
Batman: I tried to save you.
Catwoman: Mmm... seems like every woman you try to save winds up dead... or deeply resentful. Maybe you should retire.
Catwoman: Please. I wouldn't touch you to scratch you.
Penguin: You lousy minx, I oughta have you spayed! You sent out all the signals!
Catwoman: [Confronting Batman] Hi, stud. [Proceeds to throw kicks and punches to him] I thought we...had something...special together!
Batman: [Grabs her by her shoulders] We do. [Head-butts her]
Batman: Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.
Catwoman: But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it.
Penguin: You're just jealous because I'm a genuine freak and you have to wear a mask!
Batman: You might be right.
Josh: There aren't a lot of reflective surfaces down in the sewer? (everyone laughs)
Penguin: It could be worse. My nose could be gushing blood. (everyone laughs again)
Josh: (to himself, confused) Your nose could... gushing blood? (to Penguin) What do you mean by that--? (Penguin bites his nose)
[After escaping from a mob, Penguin returns to his underground lair. The place is packed with penguins, who rush to greet him]
Penguin: My babies... did you miss me?
Red Triangle Clown: Great speech, Oswald!
Penguin: [punches him aside] MY NAME IS NOT OSWALD! IT'S PENGUIN!! I AM NOT A HUMAN BEING!!! I AM AN ANIMAL!!! COLD-BLOODED!!! CRANK THE AC!!! Where are my lists?! Bring me the names! It's time... These are the names of the firstborn sons of Gotham City, just like I was. And like me, a terrible fate waits for them: tonight, while their parents party, they'll be dreaming away in their safe cribs, their soft beds. And WE WILL SNATCH THEM, DRAG THEM INTO THE SEWER, AND TOSS THEM INTO A DEEP, DARK WATERY GRAVE...!
Red Triangle Fat Clown: Ermm... Penguin? I mean, killing sleeping children... isn't that a little..?
(Penguin draws an umbrella and shoots him)
Penguin: No! IT'S A LOT! (Kicks the dead henchman into the sewage river)
(Bruce Wayne has come to Max Shreck's fancy-dress Christmas ball without a costume)
Max Shreck: Ingenious costume, let me guess. Trust-fund goody-goody.
Bruce Wayne: Feeling good, huh? Yeah, well, you almost made a monster of the Mayor of Gotham City.
Max Shreck: I am the light of this city...and I am its mean, twisted soul. Does it matter who's Mayor?
Bruce Wayne: It does to me.
Max Shreck: Yawn.
(Penguin has crashed Max Shreck's Christmas ball to kidnap Max's son)
Penguin: I've personally come for Gotham's favorite son, Mr Chip Shreck! You're coming with me, you great white dope, to die way down in the sewer!!
Max: Not Chip! If you have an iota of human feeling, take me instead!
Penguin: (Hesitates) I don't! So no!
Max: I'm the one you want! Ask yourself. Isn't it Max Shreck who manipulated and betrayed you, eh? Isn't it Max, not Chip, who you want to see immersed to his eyeballs in raw sewage?
Penguin: Good point.
Max: Selina?! Selina Kyle?! You're fired. (to Batman) And Bruce Wayne. Why are you dressed up like Batman?
Catwoman: Because he is Batman, you moron!
Max: [produces a gun] Was.
[Batman saves Shreck from Catwoman]
Max: You're not just saving a life, you're saving...
Batman: Shut up. You're going to jail.
Catwoman: Don't be naīve! The law doesn't apply to people like him or us!
Batman: Wrong on both counts.
Catwoman: You killed me. The Penguin killed me. Batman killed me. That's three lives down - you got enough in there to finish me off?!
Max: One way to find out.
(Max shoots Catwoman twice)
Catwoman: Four... five... (swings whip around, then cracks it loudly) Still alive!
(Max shoots Catwoman twice more)
Catwoman: (limps towards Max deliriously) Six... seven... all good girls go to heaven...
(Max fires the gun again, but it is empty)
Catwoman: (laughs) Two lives left... I think I'll save one for next Christmas. But in the meantime... How about a kiss, Santy Claus? [electrocutes Schreck]
[Batman has been proven innocent of the Ice Princess' murder]
Commissioner James Gordon: Do you think he'll ever forgive us?
Mayor: Probably not, but he'll always help us.
Alfred Pennyworth: Well, come what may. Merry Christmas, Mr. Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: [sadly] Merry Christmas, Alfred. Good will toward men... and women.

[edit] Cast

[edit] External links

Retrieved from "http://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Batman_Returns&oldid=1336776"
Personal tools
Namespaces
Variants
Actions
Navigation
Toolbox
In other languages