Big Brother (UK)

Big Brother

The un-tried, un-sentenced imprisonment of the shallow classes where release is only achieved with the off button.
Gary Pascoe. Dublin 2008

Big Brother 2

Helen

• "God!! There are 9 of us in here.....!!! It does not seem to be as many as at the start!!!..."

• "I dreamed last night when I was asleep..."

• "There's less people in the house than we started with"

• " Do I look chubby, I'm worried if I'm nominated as I'll have lots of pictures taken of me. I just won't eat anything on Friday".

• "If there were less people in here it would be less crowded."

• "You do have 5 fingers don't you?"

• "I think I'm the only Welsh person in here"

• On her G.C.S.E's: "God.!! How come you lot have got loads and I have only got 2"

• "I probably sound Welsh on the telly"

• "I love blinking, I do!"

• "What is a Liberal Democrat?"

• "Is the jelly cooked"

• "This is big brother, a meteorite has landed in the garden. You have 2 minutes to get dressed..."

Helen: "dressed? What as in clothes?"

• "Yeah, you know Jack Daniels... he does all the magic stuff!"

• Helen, the first one in the hot tub- (Sun behind clouds, cold outside), "It's just like being in Spain!"

• "What does insanity MEAN???"

• "Those infrared cameras can see under your duvet covers"

• "I've heard that when men's willies are erect they are all the same size"

• "I don't like telling clients (her hairdressing customers) that I teach dancing because they might think I'm being big headed".

• "... They're self-indulged with themselves..."

• "I fancy cheese on toast"

A while later... "I fancy something to eat but I'm not sure what I fancy"

• "What's in kidney beans?"

• "Jimmy, Isn't that the name of a baby Kangaroo?"

• "How much chicken is there in Chick Peas?"

Amma

• "The problem is you're so similar - but in different ways."

• "It would have to be - like - half a trained dog"

Paul

• "I was nervous and I'm never nervous"

Dean

• Dean playing "The Look of Love" with Amma singing along,

Helen : "Is that one of your songs, Dean?"

Group

• Bubble was balancing the 3 juggling balls on Brian's head as he was reading a book on the sofa and Helen said: "that's fantastic that is, does he know?"

• Brian: "What if she's (Helen) got an IQ of 25?"

Helen: "Actually, I'm only 23"

• Stuart: "What's Deans greatest fear?"

Bubble: "Going insane" Helen: "No it isn't, its insanity he's scared of"

• Josh: "I've had 4 wet dreams... I wake up in the morning covered."

Helen: "Covered in what?"

• Dean told the group how fans had stalked members of his band.

Helen seemed shocked. "I've never been stalked. It doesn't happen in Wales,"

• (when Helen was cutting Paul's hair) Helen : "I don't think any camera is on me right now"

Paul : "yeah except for the one right in front of us!" Helen : "Oh yeah"

• "Jimmy, Isn't that the name of a baby Kangaroo?" - Helen

• Brian to Helen, "Did you make any mistakes cutting people's hair?"

Helen, "When I was training, I cut someone's necklace off".

• Helen to Dean, "Can you play the Vengaboy's are coming?" Dean: "No".

• "How much chicken is there in Chick Peas?" - Helen

Big Brother 5

I like Jade Goodyear - EMMA

Big Brother 7

Get Grace Out - THE AUDIENCE OUTSIDE

Get Susie Out - THE AUDIENCE OUTSIDE

Aisleyne Out - THE AUDIENCE OUTSIDE.

I'm cooking an egg for the very first time - GLYN

You better know yourself if your talking about me, little girl- AISLEYNE

Who is she? Who is she? Who is she? Where did you find her? - NIKKI

Hot Topics, Hot Topics, With Imogen Imogen- IMOGEN

You want a cup of tea, darling - SUSIE

I have a code - DAWN

I don't want the fame - GEORGE

Oh Aisleyne, Shut up you moose - GRACE

I shouldn't have been naughty should I - JAYNE

Would you like a hundred quid. Of course I'd like a hundred quid - JENNIE

So we (she means her an Imogen ) said, go on Grace fuck it all over her! - LISA

I think I am love, I am God - MICHAEL

O.k then don't shut your mouth, close your mouth then - MIKEY

I need bottled water! - NIKKI

I'm so cooooooooooooold! - NIKKI

What do they think this is some kind of hotel - NIKKI

I'm going fucking mad - NIKKI

Your'e swines, your'e fucking swines - NIKKI

They couldnt care if I sank into quick sand and never breathed again - NIKKI

I'm nominating Dave (he was joking) because - PETE

You could serve dinner for eight on Michael's arse - RICHARD

Your'e amazing! - SAM

Imogen, if I was up for eviction with you I would win as I'm a boy and girls will vote for me - SEZER

Don't fuck with me fellas - SHAHBAZ

Is this the Big Brother chair....er.....yeah - SPIRAL

Oh how repulsive - SUSIE

My god my feet hurt! - GRACE

Big Brother 8

Get Charley Out - THE AUDIENCE OUTSIDE

Brian Brian - THE AUDIENCE OUTSIDE

"It must be my birthday! No, no I want to be a teenager forever!" - BRIAN

"I have watched an awful lot of documentaries so I'm good with noises" - GERRY

"I hate spiders...but I wonder if I'd be scared if they were pink?" - AMANDA

"I don't want to be hungry this week" - LAURA

"I can't pretend I'm intelligent" - CHARLEY

"I don't do make-up, I'm Trace!" - TRACEY

"Avit" - TRACEY

(Talking about Charley) "Shit just flies straight out of her mouth and sprays everyone in the face" - CHANELLE

"Phat" - TRACEY

"I'm a South-east London it-girl" - CHARLEY

"Crringge" - SAM & AMANDA

"I'd give my left bollock for a kebab right now!" - BRIAN

"At the end of the day..." - CHARLEY

"I'm not being funny or nothing but..." - CHARLEY

"I have watched an awful lot of documentaries so I'm good with noises" - GERRY

"I hate spiders...but I wonder if I'd be scared if they were pink?" - AMANDA

"Politics is show business for ugly people" - BRIAN

"I don't want to be hungry this week" - LAURA

"I cant pretend I'm intelligent" - CHARLEY

"I don't do make-up, I'm trace!" - TRACEY

"I can't help it if I've got a natural curl to my hair" - CHANELLE

"It's not you, it's me" - ZIGGY

(To Charley) "Don't spit all over yourself you scruffy little slut" - CHANELLE

"I can hear booing" - SHABNAM

"Don't boo me wolves" - GERRY

"This is when the party begins, I promise you now" - CHARLEY

(To liam) "Who's the daddy" - LAURA

Celebrity Big Brother 6

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the ego's have landed" Davina McCall

Big Brother 10

Get Bea Out! [Chants the crowd] Get Bea Out! [Chants the crowd]

Big Brother house, this is Davina, you are live on Channel 4, please do not swear. [All of housemates], The Lines are closed, the votes have been counted and verified and i can now reveal that the tenth person to be evicted from the big brother house is... - DAVINA MCCALL

"It's gonna be me!" - LISA [LISA STANDS UP AS IF ABOUT TO BE EVICTED] ...Hira! It's time now to say your goodbyes, I'm coming to get you! - Davina McCall

General

Big Brother house, this is Davina, you are live on Channel 4, please do not swear. [Names of Nominated Housemates], The Lines are closed, the votes have been counted and verified and i can now reveal that the [n]th person to be evicted from the big brother house is... - Davina McCall

This is Big Brother - Big Brother

Could/Would (name of housemate) come to the diary room? - Big Brother

Would (name of housemate) come to the diary room immediately? - Big Brother

It's time now to say your goodbyes, I'm coming to get you! - Davina McCall

"If I was being punched repeatedly in the face and someone offered to let me watch Big Brother, I'd stay getting punched in the face"- Colin Murray