Big Daddy

Big Daddy is a 1999 film starring Adam Sandler as Sonny Koufax, a lazy bachelor who has never any real responsibilites in life. When a 5-year-old boy named Julian (who turns out to be his friend Kevin's son) shows up on his doorstep, Sonny takes him in until Kevin gets back from a business trip in China. He and Julian eventually form a strong bond, but Sonny soon gets in trouble when Social Services finds out he's not really Kevin. In the end, Kevin comes forward as the real father and tells the court he's not pressing charges. Sonny takes him to the park to meet Kevin and Sonny and Julian remain good friends.

Sonny Koufax

• [about two gay friends] What's the big deal? They're the same guys — they just watch a different kind of porno now.

• Vanessa, you're a HOOTER'S girl?

• And be nice to the delivery guy. It's not his fault he can't read!

• Whats your name? He'll write it on the wall. Mind your business!

• Having a son is great... As long as his eyes are closed, and he's not moving or talking.

• The boy just won't quit peeing and throwing up. He's like a cocker spaniel!

• Hey, you stay away from the frozen food section! Your boobs'll harden.

Delivery Guy

• Hip? Hip hop? Hip hop anonymous? Damn you! You give him the easy ones!

• This is bullshit!

• I'll come down there and give you a crewcut

Dialogue

McDonald's Cashier: Hi, welcome to McDonald's. What can I get for you?

Sonny: What do you want?

Julian: Cheerios.

Sonny: Cheerios, they don't got Cheerios, what else?

Julian: Lasagna.

Sonny: Lasagna? What the hell's the matter with you, we'll take uh, hotcakes and sausage!

McDonald's Cashier: Uh, sorry sir, we stopped serving breakfast.

Sonny: (looks at the clock on the wall) What are you talking about? We're four seconds late.

McDonald's Cashier: No, you're 30 minutes and four seconds late. We stopped serving breakfast at 10:30.

Sonny: AHH, HORSESHIT! (Julian starts crying) No, no. Don't cry, I wasn't cursing at you, I was cursing at this woman.

Customer: Nice parenting.

Sonny: Thanks! What are you, my therapist?! (throws man's fries) Take a walk! (to Julian) Do you want a Happy Meal? Can I get you one of those Happy Meals? You got a Happy Meal? Can we get a Happy Meal? WILL SOMEBODY GET THIS KID A HAPPY MEAL?!

(Sonny and Julian are leaving McDonald's, Julian is still crying while Sonny is carrying him in his arms)

Homeless Man: Hey, man, where's my Egg McMuffin?

Sonny: Breakfast is over at 10:30.

Homeless Man: Really?

Sonny: Yeah.

Homeless Man: I thought it was 11:00!

Sonny: I thought that too!

Homeless Man: Total mind blower.