Bob's Burgers
From Wikiquote
Bob's Burgers is an animated U.S. sitcom, about Bob Belcher and his his family who run a restaurant. Bob's Burgers was created by Loren Bouchard and began broadcasting in 2011.
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[edit] Season 1
[edit] Human Flesh [1.01]
- Bob: Tina, you're on the grill.
- Tina: My crotch is itchy.
- Gene & Louise: Eww.
- Bob: Ok. Are you telling me as my daughter or as my grill cook?
- Tina: Umm... As...
- Bob: Because my grill cook would never tell me that.
- Tina: [Downcast] Oh.
- Bob: Also, my daughter should probably not say anything like that to me. Tell her, tell your mom.
- Tina: [Turns to Linda] My crotch is itchy.
- Louise: Hello and welcome to Bob's Burgers. The burger of the day is the "child molester"—it comes with candy.
[edit] Crawl Space [1.02]
- Linda: No one sheds like this family, it's like a bunch of Chewbaccas.
- Louise: I hope they're using protection because I am not taking care of that baby.
- Gene: My grandparents are staying with us and they were both alive during Prohibition-so this is what it sounds like when they have sex in the room next to mine.
[edit] Sacred Cow [1.03]
- Documentary Director: Little girl, do you think cows should be ground up for food?
- Louise: Only if they commit adultery.
[edit] Sexy Dance Fighting [1.04]
- Louise: So you're not going to get revenge today?
- Bob: No, Louise, I'm not.
- Louise: OK, got it. [Slyly] Then I won't bring your credit card... which I cut into a ninja star!
- Bob: Oh, you cut my credit card?
- Louise: Into a ninja star!
[edit] Hamburger Dinner Theater [1.05]
- Louise: [rehearsing] Red leather, yellow leather. Red leather, yellow leather.
- Tina: Are you talking to me?
- Louise: [angry] I'M WARMING UP MY INSTRUMENT! Unbelievable !
- Tina: Um, I'm sorr... UUUHHHH..
- Louise: Hey, I'm sorry. It's pre-show nerves. Come here. Hug for luck.
- [Tina moves to hug Louise]
- Louise: YOU FREAKIN' IDIOT! YOU DON'T HUG FOR LUCK IN THE THEATRE!
- Tina: Aahh...
- Louise: Sush, sush. I'm sorry baby. Sush, I didn't mean it baby. You know how I get before a big show,baby. You know how I get... GET OFFA ME! YOU'RE SMUDGING MY MAKE-UP!
- Tina: Uuhh...
- Louise: YOU WANT ME TO GO OUT IN FRONT OF THESE PEOPLE WITH THIS MAKE-UP ALL SMUDGED, YOU CLUMSY OAF?
- Tina: Uuhh...
- Louise: Sorry, baby, come here...
[edit] Sheesh! Cab, Bob? [1.06]
- Linda: She deserves a special party this year.
- Louise: If what it says in her diary is true, then I say she needs it. A LOT.
- Gene: It's true.
- Bob: Wait, you read her diary?
- Linda: Yeah.
- Louise: What I can stomach.
- Linda: I just skim it to make sure she's not on drugs.
- Bob: Wha... what does it say?
- Linda: It says "I'm not on drugs".
[edit] Bed & Breakfast [1.07]
- Teddy: I love bed and breakfasts. They're so quaint.
- Louise: Aren't they? Random strangers, shedding skin cells all over the house...
- Louise: [as Tina drags her away] I'll see you, Teddy! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL!
[edit] Art Crawl [1.08]
- [Bob gasps in horror at the paintings]
- Bob: Oh God. Oh my God, Lin.
- Linda: It's just a few days, Bobby.
- Bob: Linda, there are animal anuses all over our walls!
- Linda: Just think of them as cute little rumps.
- Bob: Lin, they're anuses. I'm trying to think of worse paintings to hang in a restaurant. Um, nope, I can't think of any!
- Bob: Hey, kids.
- Louise: Um, hey, Dad.
- Bob: I had to get away from those anuses for a while.
- Tina: You mean Mort and Teddy?
- Bob: Um, no. Gail's paintings.
- [Bob defiantly hangs up an "anus" painting. Edith gasps in shock]
- Harold: BOB, YOU ARE IN DIRECT VIOLATION OF MY WIFE!
- Gene: Is Dad going to jail?
- Tina: I'll wave at you every day.
- Louise: Word of advice: don't tell them what you're in for.
- Gene: I hope our new dad is blond.
- Louise: I've been honest with these two ever since Gene got too fat.
- Gene: I remember the ice-cream sandwich that did it too. I regret nothing!
- Louise: And Tina, bad breath every day.
- Tina: Not if you like fish.
[edit] Spaghetti Western and Meatballs [1.09]
- Louise: Your room looks like it was decorated by a perverted jockey.
- Bob: Mr. Frond. He's a tall glass of... annoying.
- Linda: That may be so, but you're gonna have to drink that glass, mister!
[edit] Burger Wars [1.10]
- Linda: When I die I want you to cremate me and throw my ashes in Tom Selleck's face.
- Jimmy Pesto: You should keep your freaky kids locked up in your own place.
- Bob: [furious] What did you say about my kids?
- Linda: Hit him in his handsome groin!
- Mr. Fischoeder: Bob, you may be the worst tenant I've ever had. And I rent space to a raccoon sanctuary!
- Bob: I know. They're next door. I've been meaning to talk to you about it.
[edit] Weekend at Mort's [1.11]
- Hugo: This is big! You'll have to close. The whole building must be tented for 48 hours.
- Bob: Great. There goes our weekend revenue.
- Linda: Oohh! Two days off. Bobby, we could use it!
- Bob: I guess it has been a while since we've had a break...
- Linda: Yeah. Ten years!
- Bob: What? That can't be right.
- Linda: Ten years, Bob. TEN YEARS.
- Hugo: [sarcastic] You're really living the dream, Linda!
[edit] Lobsterfest [1.12]
- Louise: Our family doesn't celebrate Lobsterfest. We're like Jews on Christmas.
- Gene: Or Jews for Jesus on Hanukkah.
- Teddy: Or me at a lesbian bar. I went to a lesbian bar last night, Bob. It was like I was invisible.
[edit] Torpedo [1.13]
- Bob: Are you kidding? I wish I could afford urinal cake ads.
[edit] External links
- Bob's Burgers quotes at the Internet Movie Database
- Bob's Burgers at TV.com
- Bob's Burgers official website
