J. R. "Bob" Dobbs

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I am the global village idiot!

J. R. "Bob" Dobbs is the figurehead of the Church of the SubGenius. His image is derived from a piece of 1950s clip-art that he modeled for back in the day.[disputed—see talk page]

The Book of the SubGenius[edit]

Eternal Salvation — Or TRIPLE your money back!
  • The SubGenius must have Slack.
  • Act like a dumbshit and they'll treat you like an equal.
  • Don't just eat that hamburger, eat the HELL out of it!
  • Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
  • Just because some jackass is an atheist doesn't mean that his prophets and gods are any less false.
  • Never whistle while you're pissing.
  • Pull the wool over your own eyes.
  • Relax in the safety of your own delusions.
  • They may be Pink, but their money's still green!
  • This "Church of the SubGenius" is the best scam I ever pulled.
  • You'll PAY to know what you really think.
  • You know how dumb the average person is? Well, by definition, half of 'em are even dumber than THAT.
  • "Too much" is always better than not enough.
  • I don't practice what I preach because I'm not the kind of person I'm preaching to.
  • Give me (Slack, food, money, a job, etc.), or KILL ME!
  • Eternal Salvation — Or TRIPLE your money back!
  • Do What Keepeth Thou from Wilting Shall Be the Loophole of The Law.
  • I'd rather be lucky than good any day.
  • I always lie . . . and I'm always right.

Revelation X: The "Bob" Apocryphon[edit]

  • There are two kinds of people in the world: those who say, "There are two kinds of people in the world: those who say there are two kinds of people in the world, and the other kind," and there's who don't say. Well, then there's me.
  • If you have no Pipe I will give you one; if you do not, I will take it away from you.
  • [on capital punishment] Forgive them first... then kill them.
  • [when asked if he was interested in discovering what was behind the Veil of Illusion] HELL no! I'm interested in what's behind the veil of ORDINARY REALITY.
  • Pull off your pants and roll in your own mistakes.
  • In My Father's Midway Are Many Bumper Car Rides.
  • I choose to believe in an afterlife only because it is too horrible that such a cool stud as myself could be allowed to disappear from the universe. [Diary entry, age 15]
  • There IS no God — but if you're any kind of real American, you'll demand that He treat you as an EQUAL.
  • I am the global village idiot!
  • If humor is based on the misfortune of others, then I suppose you might call me the greatest comedian of all time.
  • Don't forgive them, for they know exactly what they do.
  • The stupider it looks, the more important it probably is.

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
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Online videos[edit]