Mel Brooks

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Hope for the best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We're unrehearsed.

Mel Brooks (born Melvin Kaminsky on 28 June 1926) is an American actor, director, and screenwriter.

Quotes[edit]

As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.
That's all we needed, a Druish Princess!

12 Chairs[edit]

  • Hope for the best. Expect the worst.
    Life is a play. We're unrehearsed.
    • Chorus

Blazing Saddles[edit]

Main article: Blazing Saddles
  • Jim "The Waco Kid": My name is Jim, most people call me... Jim.
  • Sheriff Bart: Good mornin', ma'am! And isn't it a lovely mornin'?
    Old Woman: Up yours, nigger!
    Jim "The Waco Kid": [consoling Bart afterwards]: What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny"? "Make yourself at home"? "Marry my daughter"? You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers … these are people of the land … the common clay of the New West. You know – morons.
  • Sheriff Bart: Excuse me while I whip this out.
  • Sheriff Bart: Where the white women at?
  • Railway Worker: You shifty nigger! They said you was hung!
    Sheriff Bart : And they was right!
  • Sheriff Bart [waking up a drunk Jim in jail]: Are we awake?
    Jim "The Waco Kid": We don't know. Are we black?
    Sheriff Bart: Yes we are.
    Jim "The Waco Kid": Then we're awake, but we're very puzzled.
  • Sheriff Bart: Since I am your host and you are my guest what are your hobbies? What do you like to do in your free time?
    Jim "The Waco Kid": Oh you know, play chess...screw.
    Sheriff Bart: Well let's play chess!

History of the World, Part I[edit]

  • Josephus: I'm Josephus, and I'm the main course over at the Colosseum!
  • Count de Monet [consistently mispronounced as "count da money"]: Bearnaise, do we have any of those delicious raisins left?
    Bearnaise: You ate yours. These are mine.
    Count de Monet: Au contraire, they are mine! I paid for them! Hand them over!
    Bearnaise [sotto voce, mimicking]: 'I paid for them! They're mine!' [Blows a raspberry]
    Count de Monet: Don't be saucy with me, Bearnaise.
  • Count de Monet: It is said that the people are revolting
    King Louis XVI : You said it. They stink on ice.
  • Impoverished Paris Street Merchant (Jack Carter): Rats, rats for sale. Get your rats. Good for rat stew, rat soup, or the ever-popular ratatouille.
  • Other Street Merchant:Nothing, I have absolutely nothing for sale!
  • King Louis XVI [prior to his arrest]: It's good to be the king. (Also used in Robin Hood- Men In Tights and The Producers [Musical])
  • Tomás de Torquemada: It's better to lose your skullcap than your skull.
  • Moses : God has given us these fifteen— (after dropping one of the tablets) Oy! Ten — ten commandments!
  • Revolutionary Leader: And now, let us end this meeting on a high note. [Proceeds to sing a sharp high note, followed by the rest of the revolutionaries.]
  • Jail Inmates: Eighty fff....Eighty fff....Eighty fff....Eighty fff....Eighty Six!

Robin Hood: Men in Tights[edit]

  • Ahchoo:Man, white men can't jump!!
  • King Richard: From this day forward, all toilets in this kingdom shall be known as...'Johns'!
  • Little John: Let's face it — you've got to be a man to wear tights!
  • Man In Front of Castle: Hey Abbot!
  • Townspeople: A black sheriff?
    Blinkin: He's Black?!
    Ahchoo: Why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.
  • Robin Hood: Watch my back!
    Achoo: Yo' back just got punched twice.
  • Will Scarlet Blinkin, fix your boobs, you look like a bleeding Picasso.
  • Blinkin Aaahhhh, you lost your arms in battle, but you grew some nice boobs (Blinkin gropes the Venus De Milo statue left behind after creditors take away Loxley Castle)
  • Robin Hood: Because unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with a English accent.
  • Sheriff of Rotingham King illegal forest to pig wild kill in it a is!

Spaceballs[edit]

Main article: Spaceballs
  • Radar Officer: I've lost the sweeps, the bleeps, and the creeps! [Explains via vocal sound effects]
    Dark Helmet [aside to Colonel Sandurz]: That's not all he's lost.
  • Dark Helmet : What? You went over my helmet?
  • President Skroob: What the hell, it works on Star Trek!
  • Dark Helmet: What's the matter Colonel Sandurz... chicken?!
  • Dark Helmet [after everyone on the bridge announces that their last name is "Asshole."]: I knew it, I'm surrounded by Assholes.
  • Lonestar: That's all we needed, a Druish Princess!
    • In the director's commentary Brooks states: I'm both proud and ashamed of that line.
  • Dark Helmet : So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

The Producers[edit]

Springtime, for Hitler, and Germany
Winter, for Poland and France!
How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?
  • Max Bialystock: That's it, baby, when you've got it, flaunt it, flaunt it!
  • Max Bialystock: I'm wearing a cardboard belt!
  • Stormtrooper Mel : Don't be stupid, be a smarty
    Come and join the Nazi Party!
  • LSD as Adolf Hitler: Heil Baby!
  • Lead Tenor Stormtrooper: Springtime, for Hitler, and Germany
    Winter, for Poland and France!
  • Max Bialystock: How could this happen? I was so careful. I picked the wrong play, the wrong director, the wrong cast. Where did I go right?
  • Leo Bloom: Actors are not animals! They're human beings!
    Max Bialystock: They are? Have you ever eaten with one?

Young Frankenstein[edit]

Main article: Young Frankenstein
  • Igor: My grandfather used to work for your grandfather. Of course the rates have gone up.
  • Igor (limping off): Walk this way — and Dr. Frankenstein limps off after him.
  • Dr. Frankenstein:: Igor, would you give me a hand with the bags?
    Igor:: [doing a Groucho Marx] Certainly, you take the blonde and I'll take the one in the turban.
  • Igor:: Sed-a...
    Inga:: Sed-a...
    Igor:: Dirty word! He said a dirty word!
  • Dr. Frankenstein Damn your eyes!
    Igor (pointing at his lazy eye) Too late!

The 2,000 Year Old Man (and sequels)[edit]

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
  • As long as the world is turning and spinning, we're gonna be dizzy and we're gonna make mistakes.
  • If they [presidents] can't do it to their wives, they do it to their country.
  • Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
  • [explaining that Paul Revere was Anti-Semitic] He was scared they were moving into the neighborhood. "They're coming, they're coming. The Yiddish, they're coming"
  • After I eat asparagus...
  • You know Cuneiform? You know Sanskrit? It's neither of those.
  • Angel of Death ain't kissing me! I'm full of garlic!
  • It's Wheird, there's an H in there. Gotta hit that H otherwise they think I'm some sort of a kook!
  • [on ancient poetry] Nog Nog! Mkellen bebog! V'luch Matuch Maluch M'tog!
    • Translation: Beans Beans! The musical fruits! The more you eat...
  • [on the greatest invention] Liquid Prell.

To Be Or Not To Be (1983)[edit]

  • Excuse me, is this England?
    • While in a Adolf Hitler costume, after crash landing in England at the height of the Battle of Britain.

Miscellaneous[edit]

Quotes about Brooks[edit]

  • He understands not only with his brain but with his heart. And that might be called love. Not quite sure, but maybe that's the key.
  • Mel is sensual with me. He treats me like an uncle — a dirty uncle. He's an earthy man and very moral underneath. He has traditional values.
    • Madeline Kahn, as quoted in "The Mad Mad Mel Brooks" by Paul D. Zimmerman, in Newsweek (17 February 1975)

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

Wikipedia
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