CSI: Miami
From Wikiquote
CSI: Miami (2002–2012) is a dramatic television series about the Forensics Crime Lab in Miami. It is a spin-off of the popular series CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.
Season 1 [edit]
Golden Parachute (1.01) [edit]
- Megan: Nice thing about hair, it grows at an even rate, about a half-an-inch a month.
- Speed: Gives us a nice time line.
- Megan: Yeah, she'd been using antidepressants for the past year, Prozac and Zoloft. Six months ago, she smoked some pot.
- Speed: And they say blondes have more fun.
- Jim Tigerfish: What the hell is this?
- Speed: That's a warrant to search the premises.
- Jim Tigerfish: For what?
- Speed: For items looted from an air-crash site. What'd you think, you were going to sell them on eBay?
- Horatio: ...But that's not what brought the plane down.
- Eric: No... mmm... actually, the shoe hit the fan. I found a piece of leather in the N°2 engine.
- Megan: Let me guess: red suede, $450 a pair, right?
- [Alexx is going over the bodies.]
- Alexx: How are we doing on survivors?
- Horatio: Not good. How many have you got in here?
- Alexx: Four or five, depending on what pieces match.
- Calleigh: Is it as bad as it looks?
- Horatio: It's actually worse than it looks.
- Horatio: No friction burn, right? Means no seat belt.
- Eric: So he might be our shooter?
- Horatio: Yes. The question then becomes: Why would you shoot your own pilot?
- Horatio: Calleigh, the bullet?
- Calleigh: There was no bullet.
- Horatio: Well how did the pilot get shot?
- Calleigh: He didn't.
- NTSB guy: Oh, I've heard of you, you're the, uh, Bullet Girl, right?
- Calleigh: And what does that make you, Airplane Boy?
- Speed: Okay, so we learned the black box is actually orange.
Losing Face (1.02) [edit]
- Horatio: I didn’t know they made body armour in triple extra large.
- Humphries: They also make jock straps in that size, but you wouldn’t know anything about that, either!
- Calleigh: He was probably taken unawares during Letterman.
- Speed: Top ten ways to get your head blown off!
- Calleigh: That smells good.
- Eric: A little Café Cubano? (Grins) Puts some hair on your chest.
- Calleigh: Don't you just say the sweetest things.
- Horatio: We are still missing a component: the Action Switch isn't here.
- Speed: We covered that scene on our hands and knees, we covered it all.
- Horatio: [Giving Speed a serious stare] Let me say it again: it's not here!
- Horatio: There are no other crime scenes in Miami today.
- Horatio: The victims were decoys, he's after the Bomb Squad.
- Megan: You miss it, don't you? Being on the front lines.
- Horatio: The simple answer is no.
- Megan: I saw you out there. Why leave something you're good at?
- Horatio: You ever bet on a horse race?
- Megan: Life's enough of a gamble.
- Horatio: Some horses run better in a harness--and the science is my discipline.
- Megan: Horatio, what are you doing?
- Horatio: I'm giving Al's wife his wedding ring back.
- Megan: That's evidence.
- Horatio: I know that.
- Megan: You can't just give it away!
- Horatio: I'm not giving it away. I'm givin' it back.
- Calleigh: French lace. From the window at the Moreno house. It's also used in high-end toupees. Gives a more natural look to the hair line.
- Speed: Lace on a rug?
- Calleigh: Mmm-hmm.
- Speed: Well, shoot me if it comes to that.
Wet Foot/Dry Foot (1.03) [edit]
- Coast Guard: What kind of boat are you looking for?
- Speed: The kind that has blood in it!
- Horatio: Speed!
- Speed: Yeah!
- Horatio: What does it say on the stern?
- Speed: Luna Nueva. Moon New.
- Eric: It's "New Moon."
- Calleigh: [To Eric.] ...And no midnight tiptoe.
- Calleigh: Why didn’t he just sand the number all the way down?
- Speed: I dunno, maybe it’s a guy thing.
- Calleigh: What, they’ll add-on or cover up but they won’t mess with the chassis?
- Speed: You know what, you’re scaring me.
- Eric: Like Capone’s vault… empty.
- Horatio: Those are your eyes talking. Look harder.
- Eric: Kind of like going to the bathroom... You can never wipe enough.
- Horatio: Are you going to rebut everything I say?
- Diaz: Yes.
- Horatio: Excellent.
Just One Kiss (1.04) [edit]
- Hamilton: You said our entire genetic make-up is in one cell... how do we escape that?
- Horatio: Your family? You stop procreating.
- Megan: Thin epidermis, lots of blood vessels and the sebaceous glands are separate from the hair follicles. We're talking penis-- tore off.
- Speed: Ouch.
- Megan: You might want to get a good hold of yourself.
- Speed: Why?
- Megan: Still have to chop it up; confirm it's Paul's.
- Speed: Oh...
Ashes To Ashes (1.05) [edit]
- Speed: The last time I was in church was when Kurt Cobain died.
- Speed: What d'you got?
- Eric: A car explosion, burn victim, checking for cognac used as an accelerant. Beat that?
- Speed: Yeah. I got a priest shot with a rifle, dead, in a church.
- Eric: Not bad.
- Speed: Not bad?
- Eric: Not bad.
- Speed: It's at least a draw, you're not gonna beat me with a burned-out car.
- Megan: Boys and their measuring sticks.
- Horatio: Here is what we're gonna do. Go to this address, with a photograph of Douglas and ask Artie if he has recently sold any strawberry-scented rubber teddies.
- Eric: Artie's Adult Playground?
- Horatio: You know Artie?
- Eric: Do you know Artie?
- Horatio: Just go to the address, Eric.
- Megan: Who would want to kill a priest?
- Horatio: Nowadays...anyone.
- Horatio: [To Jeffrey Douglas] Before you go...I wanted to...show you...a photograph. Take a look at that. Do you know who that is? That's your daughter. This is what she would have looked like on her second birthday, had you not killed her and her mother. Know this, my friend. Every year on this child's birthday, I am going to haunt you. I am going to be all over you till I get what I need to put you in jail. Understand? [Douglas stares at Horatio and says nothing] Do you understand what I'm saying?
- Horatio: Okay, I can tell you that this was done with an excimer laser and its inscription point was no more than three microns in diameter.
- Eric: [Chuckles.] Okay, how do you know that, though? Were you a jewel thief in another life or what?
- Horatio: Well, in another life, I incarcerated many a jewel thief.
- Delko: What is it?
- Horatio: More importantly, what was it?
Broken (1.06) [edit]
- Law Student: Excuse me.
- Speed: Yeah, can I help you?
- Law Student: Look, I'm a third-year law student from U. of M.
- Speed: Congratulations.
- Law Student: And I know that it's illegal for you guys to keep us here.
- Eric: You know what? You're right, actually, but as a human being, I think you have an obligation to cooperate like everyone else. So why don't you get back in line for me, okay? Thank you.
- [About the playground for children the murder occurred at.]
- Horatio: This place is a buffet for these creeps.
- [To an impatient man about him being allowed to leave the scene]
- Speed: No, no, you can't. You know why? Because now you're a suspect, so go ahead and get comfortable. Legally. [Man walks away] (To himself) Jackass.
Breathless (1.07) [edit]
- Calleigh: Do you believe her story?
- Horatio: I don't know... I guess that depends on how you like seeing men dress up in your underwear.
- Calleigh: Personally, leather chaps, nothing else. [Pauses, looks at Horatio's expression] That was a joke.
- Horatio: I know.
- Eric: So we have a murder weapon and a suspect. What have you got?
- Speed: [Holding up a pair of large purple panties.] I have a murder weapon of a different sort.
- Alexx: Nicotine was introduced through the penile tissue... Gives a whole new meaning to the term "Members only."
Slaughterhouse (1.08) [edit]
- Horatio: Your average adult has been clocked at two-and-a-half to three miles per hour, but to my knowledge, no toddler has ever been road-tested.
- Tim: You know, my parents always wanted me gone but at least they stopped short of taking me out.
- Delko: How short? Just short or miles away?
- Horatio: You used boiled noodles.
- Calleigh: For brain spatter it’s either that or oysters.
Kill Zone (1.09) [edit]
- Horatio: So what do you get when a six-foot-tall man lays down with a three-foot-long rifle?
- Calleigh: Hot flashes... but that's just me.
- Horatio: Nice work. Have you considered a transfer to SWAT?
- Calleigh: I don't look good in all black.
- Horatio: I beg to differ.
- Horatio: Boom. Boom. Boom. And that's called the Kill Zone.
- Calleigh: No messing around, just clean and deadly.
- Sniper: Don't you wanna know why?
- Horatio: You just killed four innocent people. You're evil. You enjoy death. I hope you enjoy your own.
A Horrible Mind (1.10) [edit]
- Speed: Why anyone needs to prove that evil exists is beyond me.
- Teresa: Had I known that it was all a test, that he never meant the things he said, I would never have snapped…but I’m glad he’s dead.
- Horatio: After 6 hours of torture, I’ll bet he is, too.
Camp Fear (1.11) [edit]
- Calleigh: Leech saliva...
- Alexx: Medical marvel, you know. It contains enzymes that expand your blood vessels.
- Calleigh: Kind of like Viagra...
- Alexx: Well, not quite. Unlike Viagra, it contains a mild anesthetic so you don't feel the bite...
Entrance Wound (1.12) [edit]
- Calleigh: You know, it's bad enough when you're in that awkward stage between boy and cold-blooded killer, but it's even worse when Grandma's kiss links you to the scene!
- Eric: The average person's reaction time from sensation, perception through response is 1.5 seconds.
- Calleigh: How do you know that?
- Delko: Auto insurance studies.
- Horatio: Let me ask you a question. How many things do you think we'll overlook in a career?
- Speed: You? Less than anyone I know. Me? Fewer because of it.
Bunk (1.13) [edit]
- Old Guy (Mr. Reins): Betty and I had a very healthy sexual relationship. She was not afraid to try new things.
- Calleigh: ...Back to the question, Mr. Reins.
- Calleigh: And those guys gave up their clothes way too easily...
- Eric: Yeah, that's never good...
- Alexx: 93 degrees-- puts her time of death at about 2AM.
- Calleigh: Blood pools indicate time of attack was earlier.
- Alexx: Your job, honey. Mine begins with death.
- Speed: But didn't we already do that with the print in the glove?
- Horatio: Yes, we did. But like my old man says: "You don't have a backup, you don't have a plan."
- Speed: Smart guy.
Forced Entry (1.14) [edit]
- Detective Bernstein: No signs of forced entry.
- Horatio Caine: Oh...I wouldn't be too sure about that.
Dead Woman Walking (1.15) [edit]
- Eric: I heard radioactivity can cause temporary infertility.
- Speed: So, you and your girlfriend are temporarily in luck...
- Eric: Yeah, or permanently screwed!
- Belle King: Did you know Horatio was the first CSI?
- Horatio: He was... the what?
- Belle King: In Hamlet. When Hamlet was poisoned and dying, he asked his best friend Horatio to tell the world who murdered him.
Evidence Of Things Unseen (1.16) [edit]
- Horatio: I've one more question for you. Do you have a life insurance policy on your wife?
- Suspect: Are you kidding? I don't even have health insurance.
- Horatio: You see, I think if we connect these two cases, we'll have a shot at probable cause.
- Tripp: The probable cause is that she's a stripper, she's a junkie, and she's a whore.
- Horatio: She's also a human being.
- Tripp: And now she's a corpse.
- Horatio: The husband is dead... the wife is dead...
- Tripp: The Russian's dead.
- Horatio: Yes. Let's go talk to the other Russian, the cousin, before he chokes on a Twizzler.
Simple Man (1.17) [edit]
- Hagen: [About Horatio] I'm just saying, it's a hell of a lonely road he's walking.
- Calleigh: Well, that's why I'm walking it with him.
- Calleigh: [Walking into the Gun Vault, with a sigh.] Be still, my heart.
Dispo Day (1.18) [edit]
- Horatio: This cocaine did not come from Haiti.
- Speed: Not unless Haiti is in the middle of our crime lab.
- Horatio: [About the polygraph test.] They ask about your girlfriend?
- Eric: H, you know I don't have a girlfriend.
- Horatio: No girlfriend this week?
- Eric: The car is stolen.
- Calleigh: Based on?
- Eric: Based on the screwdriver in the ignition.
- Horatio: Hey, Jack. You miss being a real cop?
- Jack Seeger: You're just full of 'em today, aren't you?
- Horatio: You have no idea.
- Calleigh: So, you gonna shave before you go to IAB?
- Speedle: It's a polygraph test, not a portrait.
- Paul Tomassi: [Watching Delko smash expensive tile.] Do you have any idea how much one of those costs?
- Horatio: About half as much as two.
- Reporter Enrique Rayas: You're the investigator in the dispo case that resulted in two tragic deaths. You mind if I ask you a few questions for our viewers?
- Tripp: Yeah.
- Tripp: Saw your friend out front. Guy thinks he's Tom Brokaw.
- Horatio: If he's Tom Brokaw, I'm Elliot Ness.
- Jack Seeger: Duquesne, you're up.
- Calleigh: I've got one more knock-and-talk and then I'm all yours.
- Jack Seeger: Don't make me call Lieutenant Caine.
- Calleigh: I wouldn't make my Lieutenant take a call from you.
Double Cap (1.19) [edit]
- Eric: Hey, there's no way you're getting out of processing this hotel room with me.
- Speed: Why would I try to do that? I love hotel rooms. Body fluids everywhere.
- Speed: Got some porn here...
- Eric: Get out of here. A girl that hot? Guy had to be a Viagra case.
- Speed: So the suspect is probably over forty.
- Jimmy Fukes: You're not going to be able to prove a thing.
- Horatio Caine: That is a very dumb thing to say to a CSI.
Grave Young Men (1.20) [edit]
- Horatio: It's not important what people say about us. It's only important what we know to be true about ourselves.
- Allison: People get smothered by pillows...accidentally.
- Allison: Yes, I pressed the pillow against his face. No, I didn't kill him. He did, however, have an orgasm.
Spring Break (1.21) [edit]
- Calleigh: [Flashing her badge] Is this hot enough for you or do you want to see my weapons permit?
[Speed is processing a crime scene at the beach]]
- Speed: Sir, can you read the yellow tape there? It says 'Crime Scene.'
- Ted: Hey, I got a permit to be here.
- Speed: Ohhhhh, you've got a permit!
- Ted: Yeah, that's right. From Parks and Rec.
- Speed: [Getting out cellphone] Well, I'm going to let you tell that to the parents of the girl who got murdered here last night.
- Ted: Woah, wait a minute--
- Speed: I'm going to let you tell them that we can't process this crime scene because you have a permit for a party.
- Ted: You misunderstood me.
- Speed: Then I'm going to arrest your cheap, tequila-pushing ass, and have you spend the night in lockup, with all the drunk-and-disorderlies, and you can smell the vomit of the fraternity boys.
- Ted: You know what, man, maybe I should just ah, wait, until you're finished.
- Speed: That's a capital idea, Ted.
[Eric and Calleigh at hotel; Eric has just pulled out a victim]
- Eric: Cute girls.
- Calleigh: Yeah, they thought you were cute, too.
- Eric: Yeah, What did they say?
- Calleigh: They wanted to know if you had a younger brother.
- Horatio: Jon, this guy stinks.
- Dr. Jon Grizel: Well, maybe, Horatio - but the courts only care how the evidence smells.
Tinder Box (1.22) [edit]
- Quentin Haid: The club was grandfathered in--built pre-code.
- Horatio Caine: Yeah, I bet you those chained exit doors were grandfathered in, too, huh?
- Quentin Haid: What'd you expect me to do? People were sneaking in.
- Horatio Caine: And dying to get out.
Freaks And Tweaks (1.23) [edit]
- Eric: Two disposable cameras. More pictures…
- Speed: More porn!
- Eric: I won't be taking this to one-hour photo!
- Calleigh: Aren't you supposed to be off this case?
- Alexx: Joan's got the report. Can't help it if I can read upside-down.
- Alexx: You're not even going to ask me why she slipped Dennis eye drops?
- Calleigh: I'm a lawyer's daughter. I don't ask a question I have the answer to.
- Horatio: [To the tweakers.] Everybody take their left hand and stick it out, please. Left hand.
- Tripp: [To one of the tweakers.] Your other left hand, Scruffy.
Body Count (1.24) [edit]
- Hank Kerner: This ain't over, bitch. I'll be seeing you.
- Calleigh: Well, you know what the thing is, Hank, it doesn't really matter if you do, because even if you get rid of me, someone will step in my place, and if you silence me, the evidence has its own voice and it keeps saying over and over, "you." You and your bullets. You know what, and by the way, where you're going, I think you're going to be the bitch.
- Hagen: You know Hank Kerner, our fugitive.
- Calleigh: Yeah. We've been through two hung juries together, it's not like we're picking out china.
- Calleigh: [As she holds a gun to Hank Kerner's head, just like he's done to all his victims] How does it feel?
- Hagen: Will you stay with Speedle tonight? Or Delko?
- Calleigh: Actually, I'm gonna stay here.
- Hagen: Then I'm gonna stay with you.
- Calleigh: OK. So long as we're clear you're doing it for you and not for me.
- Hagen: Crystal-clear.
- Stewart Otis: I will get out. It's my nature.
- Horatio: And I'll be waiting. That's my nature.
- Speed: One man's family album is another man's porn.
- Speed: Where were you? I called you three times.
- Eric: Had my phone on vibrate, I was, uh...a little busy.
- Speed: Yeah?
- Eric: Didn't want to be interrupted.
- Speed: Busy with the left hand?
- Eric: Funny.
- Speed: One minute, you're running the world, and the next, you're in a six-by-six.
Season 2 [edit]
Blood Brothers (2.01) [edit]
- Eric (To Speed, holding a dead rat): Hey! Check this out. How did that get from your apartment to there is what I want to know...
- Speed: Yeah, that's funny.
- Clavo Cruz: You're not gonna catch me floating around in international waters, Caine!
- Horatio: But you know what? I'm gonna catch you doing something...
- Clavo Cruz: You're threatening me, Caine?
- Horatio: That's not a threat. That's a guarantee!
Dead Zone (2.02) [edit]
- Speed: Are you a religious man?
- Horatio: After a fashion.
Hard Time (2.03) [edit]
- Calleigh: And the dead girl wasn't dead
Death Grip (2.04) [edit]
- Horatio: I'm the fiber king, so what are you going to do?.
- [Calleigh and Speed are watching a "hot" video tape, strictly for business purposes.]
- Speed: Well, that's different.
- Calleigh: Someone's been doing yoga.
- Co-worker: You guys have a stapler?
- Calleigh: No, but you are the third one to ask in the last 10 minutes. Do you want us to burn you a copy?
- Jake Grant, a journalist: It's a list of names...
- Horatio: Yes. In the last 12 months, Jake, 7 Hispanic girls and 5 black girls disappeared right here in Miami and not one of them made it to the front page.
- Jake Grant: What's your point?
- Horatio: What's my point? Make it your next story!
- Calleigh: So I guess the kidnapper was driving a red sports car. It's not exactly subtle...
- Speed: Neither is murder.
- Eric: If you want any real attention in this world, you've got to have blond hair and blue eyes... no offense.
- Calleigh: None taken, my eyes are green.
- [Horatio walks out on Calleigh, without saying anything, after coming to a conclusion.]
- Calleigh: Okay! Bye! Keep me posted!
The Best Defense (2.05) [edit]
- Speed: Club where people come when the door guy turns you down everywhere else.
- Eric: So this is your hangout, Speed.
- Speed: You know, did you ever think about taking up stand-up comedy or something like that? Because you're really very funny.
- Calleigh: Angelo's got nice taste in cars.
- Speed: Hard to go wrong when you spend 80 grand.
- Eric: According to the vic, this cowboy came through the front door, guns blazing.
- Speed: I wonder if he tied up his horse.
- Hagen: You know she stabbed him eight times?
- Eric: Yeah, you've told me that eight times.
Hurricane Anthony (2.06) [edit]
- Calleigh: Yeah, but you know, I was thinking. If he hadn't have stolen from the mob, then he never would have become a beach bum in Florida, and then he never would have got picked up by the hurricane. Then if he hadn't got picked up by the hurricane, he would have never hit Burton's car, and if it wasn't for hitting Burton's car, Burton would have gotten away with murder.
- Eric: [smiling] Leave it to you, Calleigh, to find something good to come out of a hurricane.
- Calleigh: [smiling] They do alleviate global warming.
- Speed: [to Eric] She's way too cheerful.
- Speed: [Carrying two heavy boxes.] You were supposed to meet me at the truck...
- Eric: I figured you could use the exercise. It's good for you.
- Speed: Thank you.
- Speed: Well, assumption is the mother of disaster...
- Delko: Got a category-2 hurricane and we get sent out to a traffic incident. What's up with Dispatch?
- Speed: They're slammed with thousands of calls, so we take them one at a time till order's been restored.
- Delko: I'd hate to see what a category-4 looks like.
- Speed: So would Dispatch.
- Horatio: So, God exhales and everything goes sideways, huh?
- Horatio: ... We also found blood inside your car.
- Suspect: [pause] You found blood?
- Horatio: Yeah. Your blood. So either you're a hemophiliac - which I doubt - or you were up to no good on Hurricane Day.
Grand Prix (2.07) [edit]
- Ernest Mansfield: [To Horatio.] What are you, a shoe salesman? Shoo, you're boring me!
- John Leary: Like I said, accidents happen.
- Horatio: That's quite true, but so... so does murder.
[Eric and Speed are searching for evidence]'
- Eric Delko CART scrutineers hand out the pop-up valves...
- Tim Speedle [cutting him off] What'd you say?
- Eric Delko Scrutineers. That's what CART calls their tech inspectors.
- Tim Speedle Well, they might, you shouldn't.
Big Brother (2.08) [edit]
- Horatio: Killer just made his second mistake.
- Yelina: What was his first?
- Horatio: His first mistake was murder.
- Horatio: [To Bob Keaton] The next time you want to take a swing at someone, start with me.
- Horatio: You know what that is, Susie?
- Susie: An antenna?
- Horatio: That...is a gun barrel.
Bait (2.09) [edit]
- Horatio: [To Eric about helping Frank] In the future, if you're gonna watch somebody's back, let me know about it so I can watch yours.
- Alexx: An unplanned child.
- Horatio: The child may have been unplanned, Alexx...but the murder wasn't.
- Speed: I don't know, dude, but it uh, sounds like motive!
- Suspect: She took my job away, took my family. That bitch left me with nothing!
- Horatio: She left you with a motive to kill her.
- Calleigh: I heard about our shark girl. Is this her?
- Alexx: Shot, then eaten. That's a bad day in anyone's book, honey.
- Calleigh: She was pretty.
- Speed: Pretty girl with an ugly job.
- Bruno Gomes: I just set the table, okay? They decide to eat and guess what: that's not my problem!
- Speed: Well, guess what? You got a dead girl on your hands, so it is your problem!
- Horatio: Alexx, was she bleeding before the attack?
- Alexx: Let's see. [She pulls back the dead woman's clothing.] She was bleeding all right. Entrance wound, shot at close range. The shark must have finished what someone else started.
- Horatio: So we have a different kind of shark. [He pauses, stands up, and places on his sunglasses.] The human kind.
Extreme (2.10) [edit]
- Speed: She looked him right in the eyes while he was killing her.
- Horatio: And he looked back.
- [About different types of acrylic nails.]
- Speed: All right, I should have known that.
- Calleigh: Well, I would be scared if you did.
- Rhonda Weber: ...Adrenaline is the purest rush there is. That's what I give people.
- Speed: You gave Nikki Wilcox a toe tag.
- Alexx: Unreasonable acts are all I see.
- Horatio: Amen to that.
- Speed: So, who was supposed to rescue her?
- Rhonda Weber: Her boyfriend, Tommy. The kidnapping was his gift to her.
- Yelina: How thoughtful.
- Horatio: But, Eric, as a rule of thumb, off-duty relationships, no matter how well intended, can be seen as a conflict of interest in court. You understand?
- Eric: Yeah. But uh...how do you suggest I walk that line?
- Horatio: Carefully.
Complications (2.11) [edit]
- Alexx: He was strangled, then dangled.
- Eric: [To Valera, about plastic surgery] Speed had this girlfriend a while back and she looked like she stood in a wind tunnel.
- Doctor: You've never made a mistake, Lieutenant?
- Horatio: Not one I was forced to bury.
- Alexx: [Explaining to Calleigh how their vic got an adrenaline shot.] Uma Thurman, "Pulp Fiction."
- Process Server: [Bringing a civil suit for the dead doctor, rings the bell] Dr. Carlos Garza?
- Speed: He doesn't live here anymore.
- Process Server: Where does he live?
- Speed: He doesn't.
- Horatio: You give somebody enough rope, they might hang themselves.
Witness To Murder (2.12) [edit]
- Pete Tolson: Hey, I did that guy a favor! He was a retard!
- Horatio: Okay, Eugene might have a few things to overcome, I'll give you that, but you know what, Pete? You know what? At the end of the day, he just put you away for life.
- Alexx: Please don't tell me we just gave a body away to a complete stranger.
- Speed: Alexx, we just gave the...
- Alexx: Timmy, I know.
- Calleigh: People might play nicer with a fender bender if they knew 3 out 10 people stash a gun in their car.
- Alexx: Is that true?
- Calleigh: Yeah.
- Alexx: Then I'll think a little harder next time before I flip someone the bird.
Blood Moon (2.13) [edit]
- Calleigh: What is that? Some kind of lotion?
- Speed: Looks like skin moisturizer.
- Calleigh: Great! Well that narrows it down to everyone in the state of Florida, plus the tourists.
Slow Burn (2.14) [edit]
- Horatio: [To a suspect] Dale. Dale? Are you a sexual predator?
- Horatio: Dale, the problem with sexual predators is that they don't get satisfied by the kill, they get turned on by it.
- Eric: Pattern marks on the stock, don't know how I could have missed them.
- Calleigh: I know, your eyes were cooked.
- [Eric's eyes hurt after surviving a flash fire.]
- Tripp: Eric, worst thing you can do is rub it.
- Eric: Yeah, I know, Frank. You know, when you get caught in a flash over, then tell me that.
- [After surviving a flash fire.]
- Alexx: Thought I was going to end up wearing a toe-tag on my own table.
- Alexx: Yeah, you ranger boys love scaring us SoBe people, don't you?
- Eric: Everybody's a comedian!
- Horatio: So you're saying that you left her alone, running for her life?
- Dale Stahl: Yeah.
- Horatio: And they say that chivalry is dead.
Stalkerazzi (2.15) [edit]
- [Horatio has just cracked the case.]
- Danny Cato (a movie star): I'm still one big hurdle ahead of you.
- Horatio: What would that be?
- Danny Cato: The jury. I'm a star, kimosabe, I can convince 12 people of anything.
- Horatio: You haven't convinced me, my friend, and that's not a good start.
- Speed: How about a little time sitting in a jail cell? Might refresh your memory.
- Patrol Officer: Celebrity's part of the job, that's the difference between a patrol officer and a glorified trash collector.
- Horatio: Is it part of your job tampering with a crime scene?
- Horatio: What else did you take?
- Patrol Officer: I took a hat, but that's it.
- Horatio: I need that hat.
- [The patrol officer hands Horatio the hat, it has some blood stains.]
- Patrol Officer: Hey, it's just a hat.
- Horatio: And that's why you're just a patrol cop.
- Magazine Editor: Murders sell magazines, Officer. Celebrity murders sell millions of magazines.
- Speed: Now why would anyone steal pictures of action hero Brad and a girl? You think the girl's married?
- Calleigh: I think it's something else...look at the legs; they're long and muscled.
- Speed: So she's a swimmer.
- Calleigh: Not for the girls' team, she isn't.
- Officer: The guy who called this in?
- Horatio: Yep. Our Good Samaritan just became a murderer.
- Calleigh: [Holding a plastic bottle full of urine.] Okay, I'm going to give you two guesses what this is. And it's not Mountain Dew.
Invasion (2.16) [edit]
- Horatio: That's an interesting shovel you have there, did you do some digging lately?
- Steve: I planted a tree, Detective.
- Horatio: Did you use a dead body as fertilizer, Steve?
- Eric: You'd be surprised how many criminals stop to pick up their supplies on their way to the crimes.
- Calleigh: And we're very good at giving testimony.
- Horatio: So Joe, two words: Murder...One.
- Eric: So that means you have his name and address?
- Clerk: In the system...
- [Long pause.]
- Eric: Well, could you show it to me...please?
Money For Nothing (2.17) [edit]
- Calleigh: Well, when we get close to tool marks and ink processing, I'll call you.
- Peter Elliott: If you don't, you'll be hearing from my boss down at the Homeland Security Office.
- Calleigh: Well. I've got goosebumps.
- [A robber is about to draw a gun on Horatio.]
- Horatio: Don't do it! Don't do it!
- [The robber draws the gun, and Horatio shoots him.]
- Horatio: They never listen.
- [Calleigh and Speed are trying to find a counterfeiter's hideout.]
- Calleigh: Didn't you use to date a girl at the Department of Water and Power?
- Speed: I did, a long time ago, she hates me, why?
- Calleigh: Well, it's just that it takes an awful lot of juice to run an offset printer, and the electrical bill of our counterfeit house would be...spiking...It's not that tough to ask...even if she hates you.
- Suspect: Hey! So what happens to me?
- Horatio: 20 years to life.
- Suspect: 20 years for stealing counterfeit cash? The money isn't even real.
- Horatio: Killing somebody was.
- Speed: This is all he left behind. [Points to a machine gun.]
- Horatio: Because his hands were filled with 3.2 million dollars.
- Speed: So why would a guy who just robbed an armored truck be parked like a sitting duck?
- Horatio: Maybe because I put two in his gas tank.
- Suzie: Horatio...I told you, just because I slept with your brother, does not make us your problem.
- Horatio: No, but it makes you my family.
- Horatio: Paul, in my business, I don't have that luxury of believing anyone.
- Yelina: It’s funny what people will do and think we’ll never figure it out.
Wannabe (2.18) [edit]
- Alexx: His name is Avi Golan, Israeli citizen and look what's listed under occupation.
- Horatio: "Import/Export," how organized crime.
- Horatio: I'm going to get some love from the Feds, they owe me a favor.
- Alexx: Brutal murder, broad daylight, in the middle of the Grove, thought I'd seen it all.
- Horatio: Doesn't make sense if we're dealing with an amateur... [Stands and puts on sunglasses.] But we are looking for a pro.
- Wally Shmagin: Be careful with that!
- Officer Everhart: Is that really Lizzy Borden's axe?
- Wally Shmagin: That's right. Cost me fifteen grand.
- Speed: Well, you should get your money back, because the real axe doesn't have a handle on it. It's on display in Fall River, Massachusetts.
- Carrie Delgado: Tim! Tell me you're kidding. Fifty blood stains?
- Speed: Sorry. The next time, I'll ask the victim to die in one spot.
- Speed: I mean, that's like having brush guards on your SUV.
- Officer Everhart: I have brush guards on my SUV.
- Speed: And how many times have you gone off-road? Exactly. It's for appearance.
Deadline (2.19) [edit]
- Horatio: Speed.
- Speed: These mints were curiously strong, they have the same chemical makeup as the residues from the baggies at the scene... opioid analgesic.
- Horatio: Painkillers? What about a brand?
- Speed: Oxycodin, it's hillbilly heroin.
- Horatio: Revelations on Mike Griffith, Alexx.
- Alexx: Yeah, the human body wasn't made to withstand bullets.
- Horatio: You know, Josh, the truth...has this funny, mysterious way of finding daylight... Book him!
- Horatio: You know, Alexx, there is nothing and then there is nothing! I'm gonna get this to trace!
The Oath (2.20) [edit]
- Horatio: [To Stetler.] You're ahead of the curve. That's sexy.
- [Horatio inquires about a prostitute witness.]
- Horatio: What's her name?
- Gary: Like they give you the real one.
- Speed: We'll take a fake one and a location.
- Speed: Somebody left DNA?
- Valera: 3 "Somebodies."
- Speed: You're kidding me.
- Valera: First donor was female: saliva, she's a gum chewer.
- Speed: Are there any CODIS hits?
- Valera: Nada!
- Speed: Right, how about the other two "somebodies"?
- Valera: Not saliva, not female.
- Speed: I guess we weren't the only one who got lucky.
- Valera: You shouldn't say that, male sample got trapped inside the gum, I'm guessing she chewed it... mmm after.
- Speed: Right, she's living dangerously.
- Horatio: Wow!
- Yelina: Me and Stetler huh?
- Horatio: When did that happen?
- Yelina: He asked me out, I said yes, that's usually how it works.
- Calleigh: Do you know her friend's name?
- Fred Rutter: Uhh, Maria, Maria something, they're always jabbering in Spanish.
- Calleigh: A woman named Maria in Miami... That narrows it down!
- [A police officer is gunned down.]
- Horatio: Let's call in all shifts. If they hit one of us, they hit us all.
Not Landing (2.21) [edit]
- Speed: You need some help?
- Alexx: Nah. I could undress a dead man in my sleep.
- Speed: Leaving that one alone.
- Horatio: He took your idea, and then you took his life.
- Heddy: You can't prove that.
- Horatio: A word to the wise: this is where you deny the accusation.
- Heddy: Am I under arrest?
- Horatio: Mmm... not yet.
- [Eric is going over a "peeping Tom's" videos.]
- Calleigh: Reality TV, can I watch?
- Eric: Yeah, have a seat.
- Calleigh: Tell me when I have to look away.
- Eric: That's the thing, you never have to.
- Calleigh: What are you telling me?
- Eric: That Jeff Lathan should probably see a doctor about the little blue pill.
- Calleigh: Oh! That explains why he didn't want us to watch the tape.
- Speed: Do you realize that you blew up your own cell phone, by putting explosives in it?
- Aaron: Yeah, in the battery compartment.
- Speed: So what are you, crazy?
- Aaron: Hey look some guys like to keep alcohol in their cars, video games... I like to go to the Everglades, blow things up... it's a sport.
- [Alexx survived a booby trap bomb.]
- Speed: Figured you'd take a sick day.
- Alexx: A little excitement doesn't mean life stops... or death.
- Eric: Looks like the autopilot was engaged.
- NTSB Tech: Plane flies itself until it's told otherwise.
- Calleigh: Why did it stop flying?
- NTSB Tech: Could have flown into a rain cloud, wings could have iced up.
- Eric: Ice changes the shape of the wing, disrupts the airflow.
- Calleigh: That's ironic: who could've guessed that ice could kill you in Miami.
- NTSB Tech: A good pilot could've regained control before it hit the beach.
- Eric: Yeah, not a dead one.
- [Eric inspects the plane wreckage.]
- Eric: I've got a scrape here.
- Speed: Yeah, you're going to have a few scrapes, the plane crashed.
- Horatio: I think this one has been helped along.
- Yelina: You mean sabotage?
- Horatio: Nope, I mean murder.
Rap Sheet (2.22) [edit]
- Speed: If Veronica's so innocent, why did she try to dump the body?
- Eric: If the evidence is equivocal, we've got to go with the only witness.
- Speed: Yeah, the other one's dead, that helps.
- Speed: Amnesia, huh? That's pretty convenient...maybe she's got an evil twin we can interrogate.
- Eric: Look, she has a concussion, memory loss is common.
- Speed: It'll all come back to her once she gets an attorney.
- [Frank and Calleigh reenact a concert shooting.]
- Calleigh: Can you be my bodyguard?
- Tripp: Only if I can call you Whitney.
- 10-Large: [checking Calleigh out.] Damn! Nice cake!
- Calleigh: Oh!...Charming!
- [One of the bodies in a morgue freezer comes back to life.]
- Alexx: It's Alexx, are there any Rescue Units in the building? I need a crew in the autopsy theater immediately, I've got a live one.
- Thugg-G: Yeah, you know, I did some major dirt back in the day, but it's in the past, you know, I did my time.
- Horatio: And you're about to do some more.
- Tripp: I'm pretty sure you're aware "10-Large" has a restraining order against you, Mr. G, and you violated it.
- Horatio: Welcome home.
- [Speed and Eric discuss a rap magazine.]
- Eric: ...Yeah, but he's just talking trash; in the business, it's all about the streets.
- Speed: Right, you've got to keep your pimp hand strong.
- [Speed and Eric are collecting the crowd's cell phones.]
- Crowd Girl: Don't you need a warrant or something?
- Speed: Yeah, if you want it locked in evidence for 3 years.
- Eric: Or you can just give it to us for 3 hours, your choice.
- [The girls hands over her phone.]
- Crowd Girl: OK, but what am I supposed to do for 3 hours?
- Speed: I don't know, stop talking?
- Horatio: I notice there's, hmmm... blood on your jacket.
- Bodyguard: It's a busy afternoon.
- Tripp: Yeah, your client got shot, nice work.
- Horatio: Is Mr. Large talking?
- Tripp: Not to the cops.
- Horatio: OK, but the press is fine.
- Tripp: Yeah, no doubt this little incident will push his release to number one.
- Horatio: Yes, number one... with a bullet.
- Horatio: Dispatch said there were two victims...
- Alexx: More, if you count the guy's ego.
- Horatio: Craig, fingerprints are like old habits... they die hard!
MIA/NYC NonStop (2.23) [edit]
- Alexx: The guy's a monster. Or he doesn't know his own strength.
- Horatio: Well, he's about...to know ours.
- Horatio: Trail ends here... I want first bite at prosecution, as you know, Florida has the death penalty.
- Mac: So does New York.
- Horatio: Yes, but you haven't executed...since '76.
- Mac: Politics.
- Horatio: My name is Caine, Miami, CSI, I'm investigating a double-murder case.
- Mac: Detective Mac Taylor, Crime Scene Unit, First Grade, I'm listening.
- Mac: She's reason enough a guy'd want Dad outta the way.
- Horatio: And that is motive. In any state.
- Stella: Davey Penrod, how'd she get that?
- Mac: It's New York. You think and it's news.
- Stella: Okay, fire code says there is a backdoor here, I can't seem to find it.
- Doorman: [Turning and pointing.] Uh yeah...it's hidden.
- Stella: [Smiling] Why don't you try unhiding it?
- Horatio: Mac, I have a 16-year-old girl who is suddenly without parents. I have promised her peace of mind.
- Mac: I've got an officer's widow who'd like some answers. You got a deal.
- Speed: Call New York Homicide. They'll pick him up.
- Horatio: New York Homicide didn't make a promise to Laura Spelman.
Innocent (2.24) [edit]
- Suspect Lawyer: Don't you just hate it when the truth doesn't suit you?
- Horatio: Not yet it doesn't...Not yet.
- [Calleigh and Speed go through a pornstar's apartment.]
- Speed: She's got to have her own aisle at the video store.
- Calleigh: You know, Valera said she's famous.
- Speed: Well, Valera would know.
- [Horatio interrogates an adult film company owner.]
- Jeffers' Lawyer: My client is a prominent businessman with strong ties to the community, he has a family and 3 little girls.
- Horatio: Will they be appearing in your films, Mr. Jeffers, when they grow up? Just out of curiosity.
- Yelina: Ashley attended your party at this very office last night, she had champagne, ate caviar... And got strangled.
- Eric: Thing is, a lot of people knew Ashley Anders, she had one of the top selling DVD's of the adult market. [Alexx gives Eric a look.] ...I've heard.
- Patrol Officer: Yeah, she's a porn star.
- Horatio: She is also someone's daughter...and that is what we'll focus on.
- [Calleigh and Valera talk about the victim, who is a porn star.]
- Valera: Have you seen Ashley Anders' movies?
- Calleigh: Me? Where do I see them?
- Valera: Oh, clubs, parties.... You know, out.
- Calleigh: No, I don't think you and I are going to the same places, Valera.
- Valera: Porn's the new Martini, no one's hiding their vices anymore.
- Stetler: I suppose I owe you an apology.
- Horatio (to Stetler): The man you owe an apology to... [Whispers.] ...just left the room.
- Speed: [To men harassing Cookie Devine.] Hey, why don't you guys take a walk.
- 1st Guy: What are you, her boyfriend? Lucky man.
- 2nd Guy: Yeh, buddy, hey, hey. How about you let us tap some of that... ha ha ha.
- Speed: I'm serious. Get out o' here.
- 1st Guy: Why don't I kick your ass instead?
- Speed: [Showing his gun and badge] How about I arrest you? For harassing this young lady. And interfering with a murder investigation. How about that?
- 1st Guy: No problem. We didn't mean anything, sir.
- 2nd Guy: Sorry, Officer.
- Speed: Get lost.
- Cookie Devine: Can I have your job? I got into the wrong business.
- Stetler: Congratulations, you bagged the porn king, his lawyer and the killer, it's not a bad week's work.
- Horatio: I guess it's not good for you, Rick, unless you've arrested any police officers.
- Stetler: It isn't my job to be liked.
- Horatio: Mission accomplished.
Season 3 [edit]
Lost Son (3.01) [edit]
- Horatio: Fraud, theft, embezzlement...
- Yelina: Look at the victims, rich men in their 50's and 60's.
- Horatio: Broke their hearts... then broke their bank accounts.
- Speed: This car is just a bad investment, I'm just happy I have my bike.
- Horatio: Someday you may need something with doors.
- Speed: Well, I got plenty of time for that.
- Calleigh: Alright which one of you stole my crime light?
- Speed: Stole is...is very negative I...I had borrowed it and uh I re...I placed it I put it back.
- Calleigh: Well it would have been nice if you would have charged it first. I was at the scene and it flat lined.
- Delko: Sounds like she's mad at you.
- Speed: Calleigh I sincerely apologize.
- Calleigh: Apology accepted give me yours.
- Speed: Go ahead its in my kit. [Calleigh Leaves, To Eric] I hope she doesn't need her sodium-resinate.
Pro Per (3.02) [edit]
- [Tripp and Eric investigate a speedboat drive-by.]
- Tripp: Someone was getting busy, must be at least 30 cartridges down there.
- Eric: Yeah, all 9-millimeter, the guy thought he was Tony Montana.
- Tripp: You're under arrest, Slick.
- Horatio: Byron, have a nice stay.
- Horatio: [About the speedboat shooting] Drive-by. Miami style.
Under The Influence (3.03) [edit]
- Calleigh: You're crazy, you know that?
- Ryan: What? For taking the initiative?
- Calleigh: You could have been gator bait on your first day.
- Ryan: I sacrificed my lunch, please, just...remember that.
- [Horatio nails down a suspect.]
- Horatio: Claudia has a defense, Claudia...is insane. You...are a liar and now a killer. For you that adds up to life, times one...two...And three.
- Claudia: I love him, I'd die for him.
- Horatio: Yes, but...would you kill for him?
- Calleigh: My dad's come to turn himself in, I was thinking Detective Tripp would be best.
- Kenwall Duquesne: My car was involved in an incident last night.
- Horatio: Is the Scotch on your breath related to that incident?
- Calleigh: My dad took a drink to calm his nerves before he came in, I witnessed it.
- Horatio: So the blood-alcohol test is not going to help us, then? You do realize you're riding the line on this, right?
- Alexx: We'd have a better chance of finding what isn't broken in this girl. Poor baby, both arms shattered, torso twisted like a corkscrew.
- Calleigh: [After Ryan extracts glass off of her father's jacket.] You didn't tell me there was any broken glass in the car.
- Ryan: What I told you was that I wasn't finished.
- Calleigh: Take another one.
- Kenwall Duquesne: What?! That's what got me here in the first place, Calleigh!
- Calleigh: You came to me for help, I'm offering you help, take another drink!
Murder In A Flash (3.04) [edit]
- Alexx: What are the odds, huh? 100 people throw golf balls at the site of the death.
- Horatio: Those odds are very slim, so the question becomes, was the mob sent to draw us to the crime scene or to destroy it?
- Horatio: You have an ID on him, Alexx?
- Alexx: No, not yet, I know he died with an empty stomach and a full bladder, strong smell of alcohol.
- Horatio: Respiratory failure.
- Alexx: Wouldn’t be the first one to drink himself to death.
- Yelina: I ran those credit cards, looks like Madonna Arias charged $500 dollars worth of gas since yesterday.
- Horatio: That’s an interesting ability for a dead woman.
- Suspect: "You’re a dead man" is just an expression.
- Eric: No, legally, it’s a threat.
- Calleigh: Do you think the parents have any idea that they're paying for their kids to have sex with teachers and buy their grades?
- Eric: I don't know, but it makes me realize what an angel I was.
- Justin: Stephanie, if I knew it was you, I would have never...
- Stephanie: Yes, you would, that's why I've always liked you, Justin...you're honest.
- [About the peacocks at Donny's place]
- Yelina: These are guard dogs.
- Horatio: Yup, with feathers.
- Brooks: You'd be surprised about how aware these kids are about their rights.
- Horatio: No, I wouldn't.
- Calleigh: Martin Gillespie is one of Miami's best defense attorneys.
- Eric: That would explain why his son's answers were so smooth.
- Calleigh: And why our job just got a lot harder!
Legal (3.05) [edit]
- [Ryan tries to get a DNA sample from a possible suspect.]
- Venus: So serious. That's hot.
- Ryan: Open your mouth.
- Venus: Guys usually say please.
- Ryan: What's the name of the Buckeye State?
- Venus: What's a buckeye?
- Ryan: Say Ohio.
- Venus: Ohi-- [Ryan quickly swabs her cheek]...that's hot.
- Ryan: Oh, you've got an alibi.
- Ryan: [to Calleigh] He's got an alibi.
- Calleigh: We love alibis.
- Calleigh: There's a morals clause in there that says if you stay clean and sober until you're 21, you get this. [She shows the rich, spoiled suspect a picture of a small island] Breakwater Key.
- Ryan: That's a whole island, isn't it? Wow. My parents are leaving me their lawnmower.
- Ryan: I took this criminalist seminar-- Evaluating Evidence-- The visiting lecturer said that the CSI's job is to think outside the box. Sometimes the best tool is the stud attached to your earring, she said... Those are nice earrings, by the way.
- Calleigh: You took my class. [She smiles]
- Peters: ...But the drops you saw on her dress: cranberry juice, vodka and some trace of citrus.
- Calleigh: If I'm not mistaken, that's a Cosmopolitan.
- Ryan: Total chick drink.
- [Calleigh mock-glares at him]
- Calleigh: There was only one chick on our stall door list.
- Ryan: [Goes glassy-eyed, imitating the airhead] That's hot.
- Eric: There's a lot more than oil on these sheets.
- Horatio: Are you running a prostitution ring here, Tommy?
- Horatio: You know, I'm confused, why did he attack you?
- Suspect: If you find out, let me know.
- Horatio: That'll be easy...Because you're going to be in a holding cell.
- Calleigh: So I hear women and men use the same bathrooms in this place.
- Ryan: Everything but going to the bathrooms; Homicide said there were no less than 8 parties having sex in the stalls.
- Calleigh: What ever happened to "get a room"?
- Hungarian Girl: Good America or bad America?
- Horatio: Good America.
- Horatio: [About the victim, an 18-year-old undercover ABC agent aide.] Aren't there special agents that are designed to supervise these people?
- Ms. Eckhart, from ABC: We are a little understaffed at the moment...budget cuts.
- Horatio: And that's what you want me to tell her parents? Budget cuts?
- [Calleigh and Ryan just starting the interrogation of a suspect.]
- Venus: Can we do this later? I have a facial.
- Calleigh: We have a murder.
Hell Night (3.06) [edit]
- Ryan: Knife missing from this block could be our murder weapon.
- Alexx: [Sarcastically] Nice work, Ryan. Think you may have cracked the case.
- Ryan: Thanks. I have a keen grasp of the obvious.
- [Ryan lifts a hair from the victim.]
- Ryan: The killer may have been short in stature, well groomed and... possibly Persian... although he may have had a hard time lifting the cleaver with his paws.
- Alexx: Cat hair?
- Ryan: Even killers have pets.
- Rebecca Nevins: Exonerating evidence? Didn't know you had any...
- Horatio: Stick around. I'm full of surprises.
- Tripp: The jury was in one week of deliberations.
- Horatio: No need now. The verdict is in.
Crime Wave (3.07) [edit]
- Horatio: [To Stetler about Yelina]: If you ever touch her again, I'm going to kill you.
- Horatio: Frank, take a look at this bullet, 5.7 28mm, not from this gun.
- Tripp: That’s a monster caliber, it could penetrate up to 48 layers of Kevlar. Something tells me this guy was planning something big.
- Horatio: And not alone... Frank, it turns out the wave is not the only thing about to hit Miami.
- Eric: Shooting at his own guy?
- Calleigh: The robbers turned on each other. It's not a team I'd want to be on...
- Horatio: I guess you kill people when they lose their value, hmm?
- Riddick: Law of the jungle, boss!
- Horatio: That's going to come in handy where you're going...
- [About the bank vault that was robbed.]
- Eric: Half the millionaires in Latin America probably use this place.
- Tripp: There are a lot fewer millionaires now than there were this morning...
Speed Kills (3.08) [edit]
- Ryan: (Walking into the ME exam room as Alexx performs a post) Alexx... He doesn't have a head. Where'd the head go?
- Ryan: I've observed autopsies before, once, as a student through the glass.
- Alexx: Then step right up.
- Female Suspect: [About being scratched.] I have a cat, that's how they show affection.
- Tripp: Pick up any habits from them?
- Horatio: Hang on, there's a problem. Take a look at that address.
- Calleigh: 1126 Charthouse Drive, it's in the Grove.
- Horatio: Miami Beach Cafe, which is right on the water, is at 1020 Charthouse, right? So 1126 would probably make his front door out in the Atlantic, wouldn't it?
Pirated (3.09) [edit]
- Tripp: [sees spider crawl out of dead man's mouth] Bluh. I'm never eating shellfish again.
- Horatio: Maybe dead men do tell tales.
- [Calleigh has a warrant to pump Brian's stomach for human flesh]
- Brian: You're crazy! you think this is going to bring Chip back?
- Calleigh: Maybe a part of him?
- Alexx: So, this is what a pirate looks like?
- Horatio: You were expecting an eye patch?
- Alexx: Maybe a shoulder parrot.
- [Horatio and Tripp find a boat smugling RPG launchers.]
- Tripp: That's great, we've got one empty case here and 10 full ones out there.
- Horatio: The streets of Miami just got a whole lot more dangerous.
- Darryl: I've got nothing to say.
- Yelina: Thats very interesting since we haven't asked you any questions yet.
- Horatio: (To Darryl) O.K, let's start with what happened to your eye partner.
- Darryl: I tripped and fell
- Horatio: Onto a rocket launcher?
- Yelina: How 'bout you answer our questions?
- Darryl: [mocking her accent] How 'bout yoo learn to speak eenglish?
- Horatio: Darryl...
- Darryl: I'm not answering questions for some Puerto Rico cop.
- Horatio: Darryl- that is Det. Salas, and she is attempting to give you a chance, but you are too stupid to use it.
- Eric: We'll start by confiscating your computers: hunting down your E-mail contacts. And then track your credit card purchases, club memberships, magazine subscriptions... Everything we need to do until all of you are rooted out. Because we never close!
- Horatio: Ever!
- Horatio: You, my friend, just went from selling cars...to making license plates.
After The Fall (3.10) [edit]
- Horatio: You were waiting by the phone, Rick?
- Stetler: Delko's our only witness, I got questions.
- Horatio: Fair enough, but make it quick, Eric has a real job.
- Calleigh: Hey, Alexx, I need an unbiased opinion.
- Alexx: Ha! Ha! People only say that when they already know the answer and they're shopping for someone to agree with them.
- Calleigh: You are very smart.
- Alexx: That much I know, honey.
- Alexx: This man didn't fall, someone fell on him.
- Yelina: All right, so where's the guy who crushed him?
- Alexx: You don't fall three stories to get up and run away.
- Horatio: You do if you've got something to hide.
- [Horatio believes Stetler hit Yelina.]
- Stetler: Escalating force with an unarmed subject is always questionable...
- Horatio: Yes, especially with a woman. Right, Rick?
- Stetler: There is no woman in this case.
- Horatio: There is always a woman in the case, and you know what I'm talking about!
- Ryan: You know, Mathis may have made our jobs easier, he's OCD.
- Eric: [Grins.] Sounds like someone I know. So where would you keep a nitrous oxide canister?
- Ryan: [Thinks for a moment, looks in a shoe box, where he finds it.] Bingo!
- Eric: Twisted minds think alike.
- Calleigh: You know, the truth was there the whole time, if you had bothered to investigate...
- Stetler: You don't know my job.
- Calleigh: Lucky for you, I know mine.
- Horatio: Yes, well, rule number one: never mess with Calleigh Duquesne, Rick!
Addiction (3.11) [edit]
- [Talking to an AA group visiting the morgue, showing them a car crash victim, Glen Monroe.]
- Alexx: He chose to drink and drive, so you remember Glen Monroe, and deal with your problem before you make it mine.
- [Horatio and Ryan go through some evidence.]
- Horatio: What about Sal's tie?
- Ryan: Nope, nothing.
- Horatio: What about inside Sal's tie?
- [Horatio grabs a scalpel and cuts the tie open. There's blood inside.]
- Ryan: Horatio, I, mmm... didn't know... I don't know what to say.
- Horatio: Not to worry, that's Sal's job now.
- Suspect: I didn't kill my brother's wife.
- Horatio: Then why do you look so guilty?
- Calleigh: Guy forces a couple on a ride, crashes the car, kills the woman, leaves the money. That doesn't sound like any car-jacking I've ever heard of.
- Horatio: Join the club.
- Horatio: You know, even the best of families have bad apples.
- Morgan Coleman: And the rest of us pay...
- Alexx: Drunk drivers bend. They don't break...
- Ryan: Y'know back in Patrol we would call something like that 'hinky'
- Calleigh: You know what, Ryan? CSI still does.
Shootout (3.12) [edit]
- Calleigh: Why would Ana Garcia willingly give us the murder weapon?.
- Eric: Either she doesn't know or she's a great actress. She claimed she was just making the bed.
- Calleigh: Well, I guess now she's going to have to lay in it.
- Horatio: So you're admitting you killed Calvin?
- Gang Member: You know my homeboy, Hector, he wanted a chance, just got jumped in... he wanted his first. I said go ahead, unfortunately homeboy was a bad shot. I took a murderer off the streets, man, just like you. Case closed, Ese.
- Horatio: How civic-minded of you.
- Horatio: [To a gang member.] ...two dead, four injured, a phone call you made produced quite a hefty body count and, in my world, that's called accessory to felony murder.
- Yelina: ...collateral damage, gang shoot-outs usually go down in the streets in their own territories. This time, it was in a public place.
- Horatio: So they brought the war to us... now we're going to take it to them.
- Horatio: Frank, I understand that you and Ramon have some history.
- Tripp: Yeah, I've been arresting this guy since he was about yea-high! You're getting' up there, Ramon. Are you out of your teens yet?
- Ramon Morales: Twenty-one.
- Tripp: Wow! We're talking adult diapers with your crowd. Congrats on still breathing!
- Parts Dealer: A sick dub-deuce like that gets me like ten grand! I'd rather not mess with my client base, if you know what I mean...
- Eric: I imagine most in your "client base" aren’t Boy Scouts...
Cop Killer (3.13) [edit]
- Yelina: This is my case. I don't need you to tell me how to run it.
- Rebecca: Yours for now, but it's gonna be mine later. Seems like there's a lot of that going around these days.
- Calleigh: So how does a junior homecoming queen end up robbing mini-marts with a guy like Jojo?
- Ryan: Well, some women are just attracted to bad boys.
- Calleigh: [Smiling] Oh, really? Do tell.
- Ryan: Oh, come on, like you've never been tempted... They're dangerous and unpredictable...
- Ryan: Kill a cop in cold blood, steal his gun, that takes some stones.
- Horatio: Mitsubishi, with stolen tags.
- Calleigh: I’m going to put out a broadcast, armed and dangerous.
- Horatio: Yes, and low-profile please.
- Calleigh: How low?
- Horatio: Ground-level.
- Calleigh: Spike-strips!
- Ryan: So what are we going to do with our high-school girl?
- Calleigh: Give her detention.
- Ryan: I think one dead cop is enough anyway.
- Jojo: The day’s still young, anything's possible.
- Ryan: Lingerie... makeup... looks like our Catholic schoolgirl had a dark side!
- Horatio: Yes, and getting darker by the moment...
One Night Stand (3.14) [edit]
- [Alexx finds a piece of penile skin in a victim's mouth]
- Eric: So there was a fight or just bad oral hygiene?
- Alexx: Or just bad oral.
- Eric: No comments.
- Tripp: Tell me again where you mislaid your wife?
- Elliott: Are you trying to bar us?
- Horatio: Put it this way, I can make things very difficult for you.
- Elliott: I won't forget this.
- Horatio: I'm counting on it.
- Eric: They were counterfeiting their way into the American dream.
- Calleigh: I guess they picked the wrong city, didn't they?
- Horatio: Know the bomb, know the bomber.
- Calleigh: Miss Lockhart, this is going to sound strange, but most people have somewhat matching wedding bands. You're wearing an heirloom, his is gold.
- Lockhart: We're married... just not to each other.
- Eric: Could death have been accidental?
- Alexx: Maybe, but to leave a woman the way we found her, you've got to be guilty of something.
- Calleigh: Two bodies, one hotel...any connection?
- Tripp: Saturday during cruise season.
- Calleigh: Say no more.
- Tripp: This time of the year, half the hotels on columns are booked through a cruise line, population of Miami goes up up 30,000 a night.
- Horatio: Just like...our list of suspects.
Identity (3.15) [edit]
- [Alexx and Eric discover the snake they caught was packed with drugs inside.]
- Eric: So our snake was a mule.
- [Horatio and Eric question Clavo Cruz.]
- Eric: A quarantine exception makes it easy to pass anything past customs.
- Horatio: And by anything, Mr. Delko means drugs.
- Tripp: [Talking about the killer snake.] So we know how it found her. How do we find it?
- Eric: Well, unlike humans, snakes don't go far from the scene of a crime.
- Tripp: Delko, what the hell are you doing?
- Eric: [Catching a giant Boa hidden under a sun bed.] Apprehending the suspect.
Nothing To Lose (3.16) [edit]
- [Frank questions an inmate about his missing identification wristband.]
- Tripp: Where's your wristband?
- Cyrus Everton: I lost it.
- Tripp: Do I have "stupid" written all over my bald head?
Money Plane (3.17) [edit]
- Calleigh: Excuse me, Calleigh Duquesne with the Crime Lab. What's in the bags, Mr. Walsh?
- Sean: What else, checks.
- Calleigh: No bodies this time?
- Ryan: Mrs. Townsend, your daughter's charity was for runaway girls... your models are wearing bikinis.
- Alexx: A Virt-topsy?
- Horatio: Yes, a virtual autopsy is not covered in the injunction.
- Alexx: Ha! Any excuse to try something new.
- [Ryan notices a vibe when Calleigh and Det. Hagen were talking.]
- Ryan: What was that about?
- Calleigh: Complicated, he's been I.O.D.
- Ryan: I.O.D. What was the problem?
- Calleigh: I don't know, something about a bad back.
- Ryan: [Cynical.] Hmm, yeah, I've heard that one before.
- Calleigh: What's that supposed to mean?
- Ryan: Nothing.
- Calleigh: You can tell me.
- Ryan: [Reluctant.] A couple of guys I knew on patrol, "bad back" meant they couldn't get cleared by the Department shrink.
- [Horatio finds Nick Marshall just before he boards a plane.]
- Horatio: You going somewhere, Nick?
- Nick: I'm taking a couple of days off, I thought I'd head out to the Keys.
- Horatio: I think you mean a hop to a Caribbean country with no extradition laws.
- Nick: You just don't quit, do you?
- Horatio: Not in my vocabulary!
- [Police cars arrive with sirens, Horatio puts his sunglasses on.]
- Horatio: Hey, Nick, you know that vacation you never got...
- Nick: I created Caitlin Townsend.
- Horatio: Didn't give you the right to destroy her.
Game Over (3.18) [edit]
- [Ryan and Calleigh interrogate a suspect.]
- Game Tester: This job gives me a lot of tension, sometimes I, mmm... self-medicate. Ron's got the best weed, I snagged a blunt while he was in the men's room.
- Ryan: That's an interesting defense.
- Alexx: Lots of old injuries, scarring, queloids...
- Eric: Childhood abuse?
- Alexx: Could be, or could just be part of the "Jackass Generation."
- [The victim's missing a foot.]
- Eric: Did you get a T.O.D., or do we need the foot for that too?
- Alexx: Liver temp at the scene puts the boy's death at about 1 am...and if you don't get out of here, you're going to be next...and find me that foot!
- Horatio: Eric, how fast was the vehicle going when it hit the boat?
- Yelina: The guy towing the boat said it was going at least 40.
- Eric: Well, I don't see anything jammed against the accelerator.
- Yelina: Then how did the dead man hit the gas?
- Horatio: With help from the living.
- Alexx: Hello, Maxine. Maxine?
- Valera: Oh, Dr. Woods!
- Alexx: Hi.
- Valera: Hi. Uh, sorry. No one here ever calls me by my first name. Almost forgot I had one.
Sex & Taxes (3.19) [edit]
- Horatio: Mrs. Boone, does your supervisor know that the check you shredded caused a young man to kill somebody?
- IRS Agent Boone: Mmm... No.
- [Horatio pulls his cell phone out.]
- Horatio: Surprising... I have your supervisor on speed dial. Do you want to call him... or should I?
- [Calleigh and Ryan process a car.]
- Ryan: Ok, I've got semen on the back seat.
- Calleigh: Along with the heels on the ceiling, it stands to reason.
- CSI Accounting Tech: You aware that Al Capone was brought down by an accountant.
- Calleigh: You bragging or d'you have something for me?
- Calleigh: Can you think of anyone who might have especially hated Simon?
- IRS Agent Boone: We're tax collectors, everyone hates us.
- Ryan: There's a lot of blood.
- Calleigh: Two holes in the chest will do that to you.
- Father: [About the Authorities.] You think they even care about "the people" anymore?
- Horatio: Some of us do.
- Russell Edge: She's a liar!
- Tripp: Yeah, well, they all are after we divorce 'em.
- Horatio: That's two in one day.
- Tripp: IRS agents.
- Horatio: That's correct.
- Tripp: Think there's any connection?
- Horatio: It's tax season.
Killer Date (3.20) [edit]
- Alexx: All these sheers and no one saw the murder?
- Horatio: In a place like this, sex and murder might be indistinguishable.
- [About reporting Eric's lost badge to IAB.]
- Horatio: Ok, but you've done nothing wrong.
- Eric: Then how come I feel like I'm going to slit my own throat?
- Eric [to IAB Rick Stetler] That's a bunch of psychobabble...crap.
- Kayle: Look, I heard about your badge, but I'm not jeopardizing my job helping you find some girl, Delko.
- Eric: Listen, we think the badge could've been used in a murder today.
- Kayle: Like I said, I'll get right on it...so these were at the "scene of the crime"?
- Eric: You could say that.
- [The first set of prints matches a man. Joseph gives Eric a look.]
- Eric: Try again.
- [Calleigh and Ryan process a bed-murder-scene, they find a white substance on the sheets.]
- Ryan: Biological?
- Calleigh: [Rubbing the substance.] Salty.
- Ryan: I'm not going to say anything.
- Calleigh: Margarita salty.
- Calleigh: Actually, we want you to do it.
- Tripp: You got a broken arm again?
- Ryan: It's, uh, a sticky situation and we need to be above reproach.
- Tripp: All right, but I'm gonna warn you, I hunt and I peck, I don't want anyone breathing down my neck.
- Calleigh: [Smiling.] All right, we won't even exhale until you're done.
Recoil (3.21) [edit]
- [Frank interrogates a suspect who's car crashed with him in it. The man was holding an umbrella.]
- Tripp: I ran into you this morning, literally... then you show up at our little shootout with this.
- Suspect: I have a skin condition, sun's harmful.
- Tripp: So is video surveillance when you're trying to kill someone.
- [Frank gets into a car accident and gets a cut on his head.]
- Tripp: Dispatch, we have a code 18, hit and run.
- Dispatcher: Code 18, any victims?
- Tripp: Yeah, there's a victim, me!
- Eric: This guy, he took the expressway--16 stories down.
Vengeance (3.22) [edit]
- Horatio: [assessing a crime scene at a high-school reunion] We have someone who arrived as "Big Man on Campus," and ended up "Dead on Arrival."
- [Horatio interrogates a suspect.]
- Horatio: Why, Luis, are you alive and Julio's dead?
- Luis: Hey, I'm cagey, man.
- Horatio: Not cagey, meaningless.
- Dan: People don't plan to fail, but they do fail to plan.
- [Eric and Patrol pick up a suspect.]
- Eric: Luis, you've got to change your routine, man.
- Luis: I've done nothing wrong.
- Eric: Yeah, you wake up and you're already wrong. Take him away.
[Hortatio to Federal agent after suspect led away]
- Horatio: Is my brother, Raymond, still alive?
- Agent: If you keep digging, he won't be.
[Hortatio and Yelena; both suspect Raymond is still alive]
- Yelena: What are we going to do, Horatio?
- Horatio: Everything we can.
Whacked (3.23) [edit]
- Horatio: Just because he had help that doesn't mean he's innocent.
- Kramer's Lawyer: Could be enough to move him off Death Row.
- Horatio: Yes...and it could also mean he's about to get company.
- Larry Hargrove: My cousin's not the only tough guy.
- Tripp: There's nothing tough about murder.
- Larry Hargrove: You done it?
- Tripp: Shut up!
- [Horatio arrives at Yelina's house as Stetler is leaving]
- Stetler [with black eye]: Horatio! Pleasant surprise!
- Horatio: You'd better not have hurt her!
- Stetler: It'd take a magician! Seems she can take care of herself!
- Horatio: Walk, Rick, and don't come back!
- [Horatio and Yelina after Stetler leaves]
- Horatio: So, it looks like you didn't need me after all!
- Yelina: Horatio, you know that's not true!
- Raymond Caine Jr. (about Rick Stetler): I didn't really like him that much.
- Horatio: Well Ray, you've got good judgement.
10-7 (3.24) [edit]
- [Horatio confronts Raymond about his disappearance.]
- Horatio: How does a man allow his wife and son to believe he’s dead, Raymond?
- Horatio: This is going to get messy, you deserve to walk away clean... so walk away.
- Hagen: Brother, I’ll never be clean.
- Calleigh: I would really love to be friends with you, John.
- Hagen: [Sighs.] The harshest thing a woman can say to a man.
- Hagen: I always wanted to be someone's hero.
Season 4 [edit]
From The Grave (4.01) [edit]
- Ryan: [About the Mala Noche.] New Mafia, my ass!
- Cooper: [About Erica Sykes.] She's hot.
- Ryan: She's a case against the First Amendment.
- Cardinal Benedetti: I told you when you came to me those many years ago, with blood on your hands, that it's not about the life you took, but the lives you make different in the here and now. That's what God is judging you on.
- Horatio: I know what my penance is!
- Cardinal Benedetti: So why are you here?
- Horatio: I need you to tell me.
- Cardinal Benedetti: When you've done enough, Horatio, you'll know.
Blood In The Water (4.02) [edit]
- Alexx: [About the victim.] No soot in his lungs; no esophageal burning.
- Ryan: He was already dead when he got on the Gannons' boat.
- Alexx: Look at my boy, all grown up.
- Calleigh: Run and shoot, Ryan, our crime scene is going under.
- Tripp: He ran head-on into a stone wall. He was pronounced dead at the scene. Looks to me like it was just a freak accident...
- Eric: Or the perfect crime!
- Horatio: Frank, we got to move quick; the tide is rising and we have a sinking crime scene.
- [Ryan is breaking glass to prove liquid flow patterns in a crime scene.]
- Calleigh: Anger management?
- Ryan: No, just an experiment.
Prey (4.03) [edit]
- Calleigh: [To Thomas Woodward, a suspect.] Water puts you on the murder scene. Evidence puts your hands on her neck.
- Thomas: You're crazy.
- Horatio: You're guilty.
- Tripp: Looked like you were about to bust out in a 40-yard dash!
- Stetler: My heart goes out to her, but the taxpayers aren't responsible for covering the cost of Horatio Caine's hunches.
- Horatio: Put it on my tab, okay?
48 Hours To Life (4.04) [edit]
- Tripp: Are you stuck on stupid? Just do it!
- Cooper: M. Boland is the only one who signed on today.
- Ryan: Yeah, that's her husband. How did you know that?
- Cooper: I'm a computer geek, Ryan. It's what I do.
- Michael: We're re-organizing.
- Horatio: You mean getting divorced.
- Tripp: [To Mr. Boland.] Now we know you didn't kill her for love... it had to be for money.
Three-Way (4.05) [edit]
- Alexx: [To Erica Sykes, who's trying to get a shot of the victim.] Get that camera off my body!
- Ryan: [After Erica Sykes tells him he has to pay for the recorder he broke.] 500 bucks? For a recorder? Are you kidding me? Geez, was it dipped in gold?
- Eric: It's unbelievable.
- Valera: What?
- Eric: Wolfe.
- Valera: Again? You need to just go in a room and beat each other up.
- Ryan: Are those rolling papers?
- Eric: They're not mine. Someone must have borrowed my kit.
- Ryan: [Sarcastic.] We've really gotta crack down on the pot-smoking kit thieves around here.
- Alexx: [Waiting for the CSIs to show up for the post.] All right, look like it's gonna be just you and me, Armando, baby.
- Ryan: P-R-A-D-A.
- Kimsey: That spells expensive.
- Felicia: The brochures say the air is different in Miami. I didn't know what they meant until I got here.
- Eric: [Scoffing.] Yeah, right. The air. It makes you cheat on your husband.
Under Suspicion (4.06) [edit]
- Horatio: Frank, you'd better move quickly, because right now I'm your only suspect.
- Ryan: [About the killer.] This guy is good. He's sick, but he's good.
- Eric: I found the murder weapon. It's got a bloody print on it.
- Ryan: You think our killer was that stupid?
- Eric: No. I think he was that smart.
- Tripp: What about Yelina? She disappeared.
- Horatio: Frank, what...what are you asking me?
- Dresden: Ahh, so Horatio told you about me. Did he show you my files? Did you see it?
- Calleigh: What should I have seen?
- Dresden: [Sarcastically] Oh, I don't know. The truth, maybe?
- Horatio: [To Walter Dresden, after punching him] Are you okay, Walter? That looked like it hurt.
- Horatio: [As sirens approach in the distance] So, Walter, what happens now?
- Dresden: I'll tell you what happens. You're going to wait for the cops!
- Calleigh: He's trying to make them believe that there's blood on your hands.
- Horatio: [Turning his hands over to reveal a bloodstain from Dresden] Ah, but Calleigh... there is blood on my hands.
Felony Flight (4.07) [edit]
- Tripp: Prisoners troll the Internet. Freedom of speech B.S. And those lowlifes reel in women like you!
Nailed (4.08) [edit]
- Calleigh: Broken fruit bowl. Looks like there was a fight.
- Ryan: Or it could be sex. Haven't you ever pushed aside the dinner plates to get some?
- Calleigh: Could you focus on the task at hand, please?
- Eric: [Leaving the hospital.] Look, you ever mention anything about "Delko Time" again, you're gonna need to rent a room in this place.
- Ryan: Fair enough.
- Gary Hall: You know, they say that ex-sex is... the hottest.
- Karl: Hey, I did my time.
- Horatio: Yeah, and you're gonna do some more.
- Calleigh: Injuries say violence, husband says sex. Hopefully we can figure out which is true.
- Ryan: Well, that's a fine line with some people.
- Ryan: [About Eric, after an argument with him.] You always take his side.
- Calleigh: Funny, he always says the same thing about you.
- [Ryan puts on protective glasses to try firing the nail gun.]
- Ryan: [Scoffs.] Yeah, like these things are gonna stop a nail.
- Gary Hall: So, I'm human.
- Horatio: Yes, it’s a shame there’s not a swab that can confirm that.
- Eric: I never made it to the original crime scene. Did you?
- Horatio: Five hours ago.
- Frank: No matter how you cut it, divorce sucks.
- Horatio: Frank, it's a killer. [Puts on sunglasses.]
Urban Hellraisers (4.09) [edit]
- Eric: Have you seen Peter Elliott?
- Ryan: Is that the federal guy with the salt-and-pepper hair? Yeah, he poked his head in, wanted to get to the documents lab.
- Eric: And you sent him to the print lab instead, right?
- Ryan: Yeah, of course. [Pause] He's only here for Calleigh, anyway.
- Eric: Yeah, he's had a thing for Calleigh since the first money case they worked together.
- [One of the kids who broke into the Crime Lab to steal evidence, following a video game plot, is shot in the arm.]
- Michael: It hurts!
- Horatio: Real bullets are funny like that, Michael.
- Gabe: With good behavior, I'll be out in ten years. 30 is the new 20, chief.
- Horatio: Inventive.
- Horatio: We're looking for your friend with the demon mask.
- Gabe: If I dime him out, that's minus, what, five hundred points?
- Horatio: If you don't, it's 25 to life.
- Ryan': I can't get past this second level... because you keep shooting me!
- Eric: What?
- Ryan: No, not you, it's the cop in this game.
Shattered (4.10) [edit]
- Calleigh: Take your clothes off.
- Johnny: What?! Why?
- Ryan: Because we said so.
- Johnny: [Points to Calleigh] Not in front of her, man. That's embarrassing.
- Ryan: Hey, Delko had to piss in a cup because of you. So strip.
- Tripp: That's not too sly, sweetheart, we had 9-mil casings at the scene. You wanna explain that?
- D-Nasty: Look, T.J. Hooker, it's a coincidence.
- Tripp: No such thing.
- Tripp: Cameras, maps, guns... Oh my.
- Merrick: May the best man win.
- Horatio: I intend to.
Payback (4.11) [edit]
- Hammett: Is my client now a suspect in a murder investigation?
- Tripp: We're sure as hell not here to sip tea, Hammett.
- Dr. Kessler: Dr. Woods, this is my fifth year as attending thoracic surgeon. Do you have any idea how many people are out there living happy, healthy lives because of me? Try sticking to the dead ones.
- Alexx: Try not sending them to me.
- Eric: I had a great time last night.
- Natalia: Next time, we'll have to watch the movie.
The Score (4.12) [edit]
- Mr. Reynolds: I bet they call you a secretary with a gun when you're not around.
- Calleigh: Actually, I type as well as I shoot.
- Ryan: Fondue set? Who eats fondue?
- Cooper: I do.
- Ryan: That's exactly my point.
- Cooper: Don't tell anyone this, but I think she's got a thing for H.
- Ryan: Cooper, are you writing a blog? I've got a suspect on ice!
- Tripp: Okay, see, here's what I don't get- you're getting ready to jump in bed and you're looking for a closet?
- Todd Manning: This jacket cost fifteen hundred bucks!
- Tripp: Well, who the hell worries about a jacket when you're getting ready to get in somebody's pants?
Silencer (4.13) [edit]
- Ryan: [On looking like Jake Gyllenhaal.] It's in the eyes. I get it all the time.
- Eric: [laughing] You get it in the eyes all the time?
- Ryan: [Looking at the result of Cooper's server search.] ... And that's the IP-address, right?
- Cooper: You catch on, that's cute.
- Jim Trinner: [Being caught out having adulterous sex in his pool with his neighbor.] I know this doesn't look good...
- Tripp: Well, this is about as far from good as anything could look...
- Tripp: [To Jim Trinner.] You were banging the neighbor lady and we call that "motive."
- Horatio: Yes, we do.
- Tripp: Nice business dress. Probably on a break and got caught in the crossfire.
- Horatio: That's what happens when worlds collide.
Fade Out (4.14) [edit]
- [About a screenplay written by two college guys.]
- Calleigh: What are the first 40 pages about?
- Eric: Kid gets a job at a restaurant washing dishes, he insults some big mob boss who then decides to take him under his wing.
- Calleigh: Is that it?
- Eric: Life's too short, I'm gonna spare you the rest.
- Norman: I'm a movie producer. I glorify violence, I don't engage in it.
- [Finding a match in CODIS.]
- Horatio: Norman Stein.
- Valera: In the system for an attempted-rape charge last year.
- Horatio: Well, welcome to strike two, Norman!
- Calleigh: So you believe the Professor, that someone stole his car and then ever so kindly put it back?
- Eric: He must have been shot in the car.
- Calleigh: The car could have absorbed all the blood and the bullet.
- Eric: Which means that a portion of our primary crime scene drove away.
- Alexx: There's no bruising around his neck. This baby boy was dead before he played Hangman.
- Tripp: [Pulls out a gun from a filing cabinet.] Nine-millimeter filed under S, for stupid.
Skeletons (4.15) [edit]
- Eric: Uh, ladies, this is D.C. We work together.
- Cooper: [Staring at two beautiful girls in beach attire.] Hey...
- Eric: Give him a second. He'll get up to two syllables!
- Natalia: I'm late!
- Eric: For what?!
- Natalia: I'm late!
- Eric: What we gonna do?
- Natalia: [laughs]
- Eric: WHAT?
- Natalia: It's just nice. You said 'we'.
- Eric: It takes two to tango.
Deviant (4.16) [edit]
- Calleigh: A killer is a killer.
- Ryan: You really believe that?
- Calleigh: Personally, no. Professionally, yes. And I'm still on the clock. Wanna ask me again in an hour over a beer?
- Ryan: So you're not mad? 'Cause I heard we had a really big fight today.
- Calleigh: [Smiling.] Don't believe everything you hear.
Collision (4.17) [edit]
- Benchley: I was the only man for her.
- Horatio: But she disagreed with you.
- Benchley: She just needed convincing.
- Horatio: So, in order to convince her, you killed her.
- Benchley: You won't believe me, but I didn't come to town to kill her.
- Horatio: You're right, I don't believe you.
- Calleigh: Pawn-shop guy said he wiped it down before he planned to move it. You know, no one wants to buy a dirty gun.
- Eric: Well, there's pawn-shop clean and then there's CSI-clean.
- Benchley: I followed her to try to get some dirt, regain custody. You know, she's the crazy one.
- Horatio: Yes, and now she's the dead one, Howard, so mission accomplished for you.
- Rita Davis: Can I go now?
- Horatio: Let me see, how can I put this...no.
Double Jeopardy (4.18) [edit]
- Ryan: I liked your Erika Sykes exclusive about finding Rowe's weights.
- Eric: I didn't say any of that to her, she made it all up.
- Ryan: Huh, where have I heard that before? Oh, that's right, I've said the same thing.
- Eric: Give it a rest, Wolfe.
- Ryan: Equal time, bro. Equal time.
- Allison Grady: A jury found him innocent.
- Horatio: Never confuse an acquittal with innocence...
Driven (4.19) [edit]
- Hayden Cruise: I couldn't let him get away with that! A street punk like that pulling a gun on someone with my background?
- Horatio: Well, now, Hayden, you can add "killer" to your resume!
- Ryan: H, I don’t know what happened.
- Horatio: Mr. Wolfe, you didn’t have the shot.
- Ryan: I just froze.
- Horatio: Mr. Wolfe, you didn’t have the shot, do you understand?
- Ryan: Yes, sir.
- Eric: You got an excuse for going 150 miles per hour?
- Hayden Cruise: Too much caffeine?
- Tripp: Well I guess that clears up the car thing... since you've got the keys!
Free Fall (4.20) [edit]
- Elliott: Too many singing canaries in your lab, Horatio...
- Tripp: [To Danny.] The police report said you left the keys in the ignition outside the bank- did you leave your brain in the glove compartment, too? I mean, who does that?
- Mr. Suero: My structural engineer says if I file for an extension now, I won't be cutting ribbon in eleven months.
- Tripp: Hm, I'm crying inside, Mr. Suero.
- Alexx: The maggots devoured the infected tissue surrounding the entrance wound, keeping it clean.
- Calleigh: And that's what kept him alive. That's amazing.
- Alexx: I think he'd use other words to describe it.
Dead Air (4.21) [edit]
- Tripp: Scare her?! We call that felony, Dumb-Ass.
Open Water (4.22) [edit]
- Alexx: I work in a morgue. If I say something smells... it smells.
- Horatio: Agent Wynn, I don't know who you are, or who you work for, but if you ever contact Marisol again, it'll be the last thing you ever do.
- Horatio: Eric, there are black-tip sharks out there, be careful.
- Eric: [Smiling.] You know me, I love fish.
- Calleigh: [About the shark on the autopsy table.] How's our gunshot victim?
- Alexx: Ugh. I'm never eating seafood again. These guys really are garbage disposals!
- [Alexx wants Calleigh and Ryan to search the rest of the shark's stomach contents.]
- Alexx: Ryan, honey. Procrastinating is only gonna prolong the agony.
Shock (4.23) [edit]
- Brandon: April and I totally have each other's backs.
- Ryan: And fronts, apparently.
- Ryan: She's a pretty good actress!
- Calleigh: She's not that good. She only does Reality TV.
- [About getting Horatio and Marisol a wedding present.]
- Calleigh: I already put your name on the card.
- Ryan: [Smiling.] Thank you. You're fantastic!
- [About April and Brandon.]
- Ryan: Looks like they were joined with grief.
- Calleigh: At the hip.
- Tripp: All eyes are trained on her every move.
- Horatio: Except her last one.
Rampage (4.24) [edit]
- Jose: You're already a dead man.
- [Horatio shoots him]
- Horatio: Join the club.
- Horatio: Memo, now that you work for me, I want you to tell Riaz that I said he's a dead man!
- Horatio: Memo, in the unlikely event that I haven't made myself completely clear, you deserve to know [Draws his gun and puts the barrel up to Memo's head.] ...this is your last chance.
- Gloria: You know, I'm starting to remember why we broke up.
- Eric: I NEVER FORGOT!
- Calleigh: [To Eric about his taste in women.] Yeah, well see, that's the problem, you love crazy until crazy loves you.
- Calleigh: My advice... talk to her once as Eric Delko.
- Eric: And then?
- Calleigh: Talk to her again as a cop.
- Eric: If you come near me or anyone that I know, I'm going to arrest you.
- Gloria: Mmm, so that will be the second time we use your cuffs.
One Of Our Own (4.25) [edit]
- Agent Cole: Miss Duquesne, you're up. I'll walk you.
- Calleigh: I'll walk you.
- Agent Landrey: And, CSI Wolfe, thanks for the cooperation.
- Ryan: For the record, I didn't cooperate.
- Elliott: [As Calleigh walks out for her interrogation.] Give 'em hell, Calleigh.
- [Cooper tells Natalia he thinks Valera's the mole.]
- Cooper: Yep, that's how the Feds operate.
- Natalia: [Sarcastic.] Yeah, 'cause you're a big FBI expert.
- Cooper: It's what they do. They start an investigation, put in an operative.
- Natalia: [Sarcastic and disbelieving.] An operative...
- Cooper: Which they make sure they get out before the fur starts to fly.
- Natalia: You've seen too many Tom Clancy movies.
- Dan Cooper: Trust me on this. Things are about to go down.
- Valera: That guy reminds me of my junior-high school principal.
- Calleigh: Well, he knows more about me than my principal ever did.
Season 5 [edit]
Rio (5.01) [edit]
- Ryan: Calleigh Duquesne, large and in charge... by large, you know I mean in terms of your reputation, and responsibility, and... you look very beautiful today.
- Calleigh: Well, that's a...that's a nice save.
- Cooper: You know, it suits you.
- Calleigh: What?
- Cooper: Being boss.
- Calleigh: It's temporary.
- Cooper: Okay, Lieutenant Duquesne.
- Calleigh: The payscale'd be nice though. Find me.
- [Calleigh leaves the A/V Lab]
Going Under (5.02) [edit]
- Jake: This isn't about you and me, is it?
- Calleigh: I've got one dead ATF Agent, and you're missing your standard-issue firearm. Trust me, Jake--this time, it's all about you.
- Cooper: So we have to collect oil samples from all these?
- Eric: That's right.
- [Cooper goes over to a bike, looks at in confusion.]
- Eric: Problem, Coop?
- Cooper: No, no, no problem.
- Eric: You don't know where the oil cap is, do you?
- Cooper: I'm just more of a four-wheel type guy.
- Eric: Natalia, you don't need to ask permission to work a case, okay? Matter of fact, the more you ask, the more we think you can't do it.
- Natalia: Then get out of my way.
- Eric: That's what I'm talking about.
- Hawk: Won't let up, huh? Hard up to get me on something... Hey, I didn't pay the license on my Rottweiler.
- Horatio: Maybe I'll add that to the list.
- Jake: I let you take me down, you know that, right?
- Calleigh: Oh, that's right, let's see...you were first in our class, the academy star...Only scared of failure.
- Jake: I mean, you could've been first, if you weren't so distracted by that guy you were seeing. What was his name? Oh, yeah! That was me!
Death Pool 100 (5.03) [edit]
- Calleigh: You know, your knowledge of the fashion world it's--it's impressive. Do you have something you want to tell me?
- Tripp: What? My ex-wife's favorite designer, she put me in hock with that stuff.
- Calleigh: Okay, if that's your story.
- Eric: What was Dakota Hudson famous for, anyway?
- Calleigh: Lip synching, club openings, red carpet events...Oh! She was in the video for that Australian band that was from England...
If Looks Could Kill (5.04) [edit]
- Horatio: Is there a reason Jason would want Steve dead?
- Abby: They’re models, they all want to kill each other.
- [After finding a second dead model.]
- Alexx: Wow. Modeling is suddenly the most dangerous job in Miami.
- Eric: Steve carry a cell phone?
- Natalia: He's a model, he probably lived on one.
Death Eminent (5.05) [edit]
- Tripp: First murder on the books in this part of town, not what you bargain for when you buy your chunk of the American dream.
- Horatio: And then your dream becomes a nightmare.
- Alexx: Wound traces are shallow, the cuts almost seem… tentative.
- Ryan: I don’t think you can be tentative 8 times.
- Suspect: Are you kidding me? For what these people are doing, they deserve to die.
- Horatio: That...is an interesting choice of words.
- Preston: See this? Now you know what I'm up against. I want Police protection.
- Horatio: You'll probably get it, Mr. Preston... but who's going to protect you from me?
- Ethan: You don't know what it's like to lose everything.
- Horatio: You know what, I do. Because I have lost everything.
- Judge Ratner: Caine, you ought to know better than that. You can't touch me.
- Horatio: Your Honor, I don't have the slightest desire to.
Curse Of The Coffin (5.06) [edit]
- [A body has disappeared from the morgue, and another left in its place.]
- Alexx: Well, I still don't understand how my body put another body here and then left the morgue.
- [A body is missing from the morgue.]
- Ryan: You know, what I want to know is how Ed got up and got out of here without anyone seeing him.
- Alexx: Hey! My staff isn't trained to watch the living. I'm more interested in how he got in.
- [About believing in the "curse."]
- Ryan: Well, ehh...there's a dead guy walking around there, I suffered temporal paralysis and then there was some spontaneous combustion over there...and all that since we brought...this thing here, so I would have to say yes, Santeria definitely had something to do with Alyssa's death, sure.
- Valera: Heard someone died twice today. Freaky.
- Eric: Yeah, but I know somebody killed twice today.
- Horatio: [Walking out of an exploding car.] Burn, baby, burn.
- [After Ryan falls head-first on a corpse.]
- Eric: You okay, Wolfe?
- Ryan: I hate this case.
- Eric: Yeah, tell me about it.
- [Eric hears something in a graveyard, turns out to be an animal. Ryan laughs.]
- Eric: Not a word, Wolfe.
- Ryan: Take it easy, Delko!
- Eric: Not a word.
- Calleigh: You see, I don't think this place is so scary in the daytime, do you?
- Ryan: What? Nah, come on, I wasn't scared.
- Calleigh: You know I listened to the entire tape, don't you, Ryan?
- Ryan: So, there was an accomplice here?
- Calleigh: [Laughing.] Way to change the subject.
- [About putting together the non-melted components of the victim's computer.]
- Cooper: So I frankensteined this little contraption together you see before your eyes. It's my little monster. It's kinda fitting for the case, don't you think?
- Calleigh: Yes, it's very cute. In fact, I can't believe you put all of this together today; it took me a week to set up my TiVo.
High Octane (5.07) [edit]
- [In A/V, going over the beheaded driver's footage.]
- Cooper: Yeesh! I wish I could un-see that.
- Calleigh: I'm sorry, can you play it again?
- Dunlar: You know what they'll pay for these cars in Venezuela? Almost three times the sticker.
- Horatio: Now your son's an orphan, what’s the price tag on that?
- Tripp: Take Tweedledee and Tweedledum here for a ride.
- Tripp: [About two witnesses who are talking too much.] Hey, hey, hey, shut up! You sound like a bunch of busted leafblowers!
Darkroom (5.08) [edit]
- Horatio: You have quite a history too, which includes a rape charge.
- Suspect: I was acquitted.
- Horatio: Yeah, but that doesn't mean you're innocent, does it?
Going, Going, Gone (5.09) [edit]
- Horatio: What’s your interest in Kinkella?
- DHS Agent: That's a "need to know."
- Horatio: I need to know.
- Calleigh: [To a suspect.] You took her life, now we're going to take yours.
- Calleigh: I cannot believe I took a bullet for you.
- Jake: What are you talking about? I can't believe I shot a man for you!
- Calleigh: I'm the one in pain!
- Jake: I've got the emotional scars!
Come As You Are (5.10) [edit]
- Horatio: Frank, the war may be staged, but the murder is real.
- [Imitating the Marine Recruiter's motto "The competition keeps us frosty. It's the Marine Corps way."]
- Ryan: That's okay. The challenge keeps us frosty. It's the CSI way.
- Ryan: How d'you get your hot little hands on a terrorist watchlist?
Backstabbers (5.11) [edit]
Internal Affairs (5.12) [edit]
- Natalia: I cannot believe you got here before me. Jump the gun much?
- Nick: How long is it going to take to process before I can get in to clean up?
- Natalia: I don't know. I have no idea. Why, what's the big hurry? Blood's not going anywhere.
- Nick: Got a little lunch date.
- Natalia: Lunch date? Really? Well, then I think I might just take my sweet time.
Throwing Heat (5.13) [edit]
- [Frank stepped on a land mine. The bomb squad has just defused it.]
- Tripp: Well, that's a helluva way to start the day.
- Horatio: [chuckling] And it's only 8 o'clock.
No Man's Land (5.14) [edit]
- Horatio: This isn't over.
- Clavo: Lieutenant Caine, the master of the obvious.
- Clavo: Oh, I'm shakin' in my jumps now, H.
- Clavo: [To Horatio, pushing him to go into the bank.] Giddy up, cowboy. And get me a mojito while you're in there!
Man Down (5.15) [edit]
- Ryan: It's not anyone, he's a cop. He's my friend and he's got a name. His name is Eric Delko.
- Clavo: You know what, my friend? You are a serious player! You could learn something from this man, Pop--he never gives up! And I love that about you, Caine.
- Horatio: I want you to listen to me. This is your opportunity to turn yourself in.
- Clavo: Over my dead body, Caine.
- Horatio: Then over your dead body it's gonna be.
- Suspect: Clavo said he was gonna give me a hundred grand, I'd finally get to pay my car off.
- Ryan: You put a bullet in my partner's brain. I don't give a damn about your car.
Broken Home (5.16) [edit]
- [Eric feels insecure because he made a rookie mistake due to his brain injury, that may have cost them the case.]
- Eric: I came back too soon.
- Calleigh: All right, I'll go this one alone, but we can't make it without you.
- [The victim had sex before she died, and Ryan's going to run a DNA sample.]
- Ryan: I'll run it against the husband.
- Alexx: All the parties on that block, honey, I'd run it against the entire neighborhood.
- Dr. Mike Lasker: I needed to be certain before I pointed the finger.
- Horatio: Well, the finger is now pointed at you.
- Ryan: That must have been one kinky party!
A Grizzly Murder (5.17) [edit]
- Calleigh: It's a feather!
- Eric: Yeah, it's a feather, from a duck.
- Calleigh: Wait a minute. You're saying that first of all there was a killer bear and now there's a killer duck?
- Anna: You really do believe all that protect and serve stuff, don't you?
- Horatio: It's the only thing...the only thing that I know how to do.
- Cooper: I have a theory. You can tell a lot about a person by what they have on their MP3 player.
- Calleigh: What d'ya got?
- Cooper: With 5 Tori Amos albums on this thing, we're looking for a girl.
- Tripp: Yogi over there is one big-ass bear.
- Eric: You know, these guys were all in decent shape, I'm surprised they didn't get a little farther than they did.
- Ryan: Well, they were running for their lives, it was hardly a track meet.
Triple Threat (5.18) [edit]
- Alexx: [looking at victim] Shot in the light of day? In a house full of people? That's cold-blooded, Horatio.
- Horatio: As cold...as ice!
Bloodline (5.19) [edit]
- Supervisor O'Shay: You can't pull me in here for every crime in Miami.
- Horatio: Not every crime, just the ones you're guilty of.
- Calleigh: [Seeing a table of food Eric is processing in the lab.] Break room is down the hall, on the right.
- Eric: Cute.
- Alexx: What d'ya find?
- Ryan: The rest of his head.
- Alexx: Hey!
- Ryan: Yeah?
- Alexx: CSI Wolfe, mitts off, honey. Body parts are mine. Stick to the physical evidence!
Rush (5.20) [edit]
- Eric: Well, we're gonna hold you here for a little while, just to make sure of that...I don't trust you actors.
- Rod: I'm a stunt guy!
- [Eric shares his experience after he got shot.]
- Eric: Yeah. I didn't want to ask for anybody's help. I ended up making a few mistakes. But every day, it gets a little better. And it'll get better for you, too. Your friends and your family, they just want to be there for you. You're going to be okay, Jolene.
- Jolene: I guess I'll have to be. Somebody stole my other option.
- Calleigh: It's a guilty pleasure. [Calleigh opens her locker and removes a magazine.] I've not read it yet, but Holly Reese is on the cover. She just went to rehab.
- Ryan: Is that right? I thought she was the one celebrity with a good reputation.
- Holly: I passed out.
- Calleigh: From... what? This is rehab.
- Holly: Uh, yeah, side effect, from being an addict. Sometimes I get blackouts.
- Calleigh: When you need an alibi?
- Calleigh: Brody Lassiter, I don't believe it.
- Alexx: You're a fan?
- Calleigh: I only saw Blitzed three times. It's that whole "bad boy" thing; I guess I like it.
- Suspect: I've been in the hot seat before.
- Horatio: Then get comfortable.
Just Murdered (5.21) [edit]
- [About the victim.]
- Ryan: Girlfriend? We thought she was your parents' personal trainer.
- Nathan Atherton: Oh, she was. Until my mom caught them going out a few months ago.
- Ryan: And your mother was very angry?
- Nathan Atherton: Not really. She was too busy with the pool guy to care.
- Eric: Calleigh, I wanted to thank you. For taking care of that girl today.
- Calleigh: It's no problem. You would have done the same thing for me.
- Eric: Yeah. It's just that, uh...you've helped me out a lot this year.
- Calleigh: Well, I appreciate you for appreciating me. [She kisses his cheek]
- Horatio: Here's the difference between you and me, counselor: the difference is...I have a case.
- Ryan: Mr. Atherton! That's enough. You're under arrest for assault, obstruction of property, and disturbing the peace.
- Laurie Atherton: Throw the book at him, officer!
- Ryan: Mrs. Atherton... book's gonna hit you, too.
- [About her selling his car.]
- Laurie Atherton: ...Say "hello"... to half. [Gives him a 100 dollar bill]
- Nathan Atherton: $200? It's worth $200,000!
- Laurie Atherton: So, a couple zeros off.
- [About the feuding divorced couple.]
- Tripp: I'll get a radio car.
- Horatio: Frank, get two cars.
- Ryan: These lasers are dividing the whole house in half. The court ordered it until the divorce was final.
- Horatio: Welcome... to divorce... of the future.
- Nathan Atherton: My parents, they fought over everything. But, not once did they ever fight over me.
- [The police arrive to stop the Athertons from wreaking their boat with a gun and a chainsaw and order Mr Atherton to put down his weapon]
- Nathan Atherton: She's the one with the chainsaw!
Burned (5.22) [edit]
- Yelina: Always looking out for me, huh?
- Horatio: And I always will.
- Ryan: Hey Frank, I got your message. What's the emergency?
- Tripp: I got a, uh... suspect that's giving me the silent treatment.
- Ryan: Oh yeah? You need my, uh... superior interrogation skills to work him over?
- Tripp: Keep dreaming, bud. He asked for you.
- Ryan: I don't have that kind of money.
- Michael: You make this go away, your debt goes with it.
- Ryan: We're done having this conversation.
- Natalia: There's something in his teeth? What is that?
- Alexx: Now, honey, I can't do all your work for you. [Hands her the evidence bag.]
- Natalia: Thank you.
- [The water heater from the burned house lands on Frank's car.]
- Tripp: I just bought that car.
- Horatio: You all right?
- Tripp: Yeah. First it's a damn land mine, now it's a flying water heater. What next?
- Horatio: Next, we catch a killer.
- Eric: [Laughing at Frank after the accident.] Ah, so does the water heater come standard, or is that custom?
Kill Switch (5.23) [edit]
- Calleigh: Yeah, I'm good, I'm good. You look different. Must be the eyeliner.
- Ryan: I wear makeup now. You must think it's pretty, uh, pretty silly.
- Calleigh: No, that wasn't the adjective I was looking for.
- Ryan: Look, my time here has been, uh...it's been really fascinating. It's been great, but there's someplace else I think I gotta be. There are men and women who put themselves in harm's way every day. It's their lives for ours, and for them, it's not something that they do. It's something that, you know, they are. Now I'm not gonna try and make myself sound so honorable, but I took an oath. I took an oath to protect the people of Miami, and I was born to be a cop. And uh, I think I lost sight of that along the way.
- Calleigh: The profiler. It's electromagnetic, so it picks up more than a metal detector.
- Natalia: Yeah... but so far all we've got is an iPod, four beer bottles and a beach towel. But no fiber glass blister with the drugs.
- Eric: Who was that, Jake?
- Calleigh: Um, yeah, I told him that if people would stop killing each other, we could have a proper meal.
- Calleigh: [To Ryan.] Is that why you called me down here, to ease your conscience? You know, you may have gotten a man killed today.
- Calleigh: Is it just me, or have people gotten a little too casual about seeing a dead body?
- Alexx: It's easier when decomp's at a distance, believe me.
- Tripp: Looks like vigilantes took it upon themselves to be the guy's judge and jury.
- Horatio: Judge, jury and executioner.
- Tripp: Is this Jason Billings' boat?
- Cole: Yes, it is. Is he in some kind of trouble?
- Tripp: Not anymore. He's dead.
- Tony: I cut my losses, man. Kid didn't want to save his own life, I wasn't about to save it for him.
- Horatio: You're quite a humanitarian, aren't you?
- Ryan: I'm not going to abandon this team.
- Horatio: [Puts his sunglasses on.] And we, Mr. Wolfe, are not going to abandon you.
- Paul Billings: Talked to Sherry?
- Tripp: You shoulda paid her more; she belted it out like an opera singer.
- Eric: You're late, pal. What, did you get, uh, stuck in the makeup chair?
- Ryan: That's very funny.
- Natalia: [About Cole Telford.] Doesn't he work on Jason Billings' boat?
- Eric: I guess, when he's not smuggling drugs from Cuba.
- Ryan: What do you think I should I do?
- Natalia: Short term: get away from the cameras, and long term: you're just gonna have to decide what your own priorities are.
Born To Kill (5.24) [edit]
- Mrs. Wade: What about my baby?
- Calleigh: Don't worry, Mrs. Wade, we actually know how to save people.
- Travis: Wonder what it feels like to kill a person?
- Horatio: Well, you're in luck.
- Travis: Why?
- Tripp: A police officer died in that van, makes you guilty of felony murder.
- Horatio: So, how does it feel?
- Calleigh: [To Eric.] You know that I trust you with my life. I don't even know how I feel about Jake yet.
Season 6 [edit]
Dangerous Son (6.01) [edit]
- Calleigh: Hey, Eric.
- Eric: Nice tan.
- Calleigh: [Smiles.] Five days in Antigua. First vacation I've had in a long time.
- Eric: Yeah? I saw Jake outside. Got the same tan.
Cyber-lebrity (6.02) [edit]
- Ryan: You know, I was starting to miss this place.
- Calleigh: [Smiling.] Don't let him fool you, we're all very excited to have you back here.
- Calleigh: [About to process Ryan's hands.] Whatcha got?
- Ryan: I've got DNA from our attacker.
- [Flashback scene.]
- Calleigh: That's a nice get, Ryan. You know, if the DNA of the attacker matches the DNA of Luke Selyan's killer, you just broke the case!
- Ryan: [Wide-eyed, at Eric.] I just broke the case!
- Eric: [Laughs at Ryan's gloating] Not bad, Wolverine. Couldn't grab a handful of hair, just in case?
- Ryan: Wow! So it takes two CSIs to process someone these days. You guys must be more desperate to get me back than I thought.
Inside Out (6.03) [edit]
Bang, Bang, Your Debt! (6.04) [edit]
[Delko and Speedle at the crime scene.]
- Delko: Tim it was you this morning [Speed shakes his head yes] It's been a long time.
- Speedle: Yes it has.
- Delko: Why are you here?
- Speedle: Well I figured you could use my help. I mean you always did right.
- Delko: [laughs] Alright then help, what am I missing?
- Speedle: What's the first thing you learn on the job?
- Delko: How to pad your time card.
- Speedle: The second thing.
- Delko: Every person who enters a crime scene brings something in and takes something away.
- Speedle: Even before we call it a scene.
- Delko: What are you saying someone took evidence before we even arrived? [Speedle gives him a look] Then how do I find something that's not even here?
- Speedle: Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it's not there.
[Eric and Calleigh are at a bar trying to see who's using Tim Speedle's credit card. Dan Cooper from the lab is seen sitting and having a beer. The two walk up to him.]
- Calleigh: Hey, Coop.
- Cooper: Hey, what are you guys doing here?
- Calleigh: I think that we would like to ask you the same question.
- Eric: Let me see your wallet.
- [Cooper hesitates.]
- Calleigh: Show him your wallet, Dan.
- Cooper: [Takes out his wallet.] I don't know what's going on...
- [Eric grabs the wallet and takes a credit card out and looks at it.]
- Eric: Your name is not Tim Speedle.
- Cooper: Eric. Listen to me, OK? It's not what you think.
- Eric: [Angry.] Your name is not Tim Speedle! [Eric throws the wallet and credit card on the table and walks away.]
- Calleigh: You know what? I would ask you for an explanation, but I just don't think I'd get one.
- Cooper: You know I want to be a CSI. And you guys, you speak so highly of the guy. I just thought I'd check Speedle's locker, see what he's all about. And... saw the credit card and it's... not like he'd miss it.
- Calleigh: [Confused.] Why'd you use it?
- Cooper: There was two hundred dollars credit on there...
- Calleigh: Dan!
- Cooper: It was free money.
- Calleigh: [Getting angry.] You've charged over twenty-three hundred dollars.
- Cooper: I... I know, it... it got out of hand.
- Calleigh: It's fraud.
- Cooper: It was a mistake, Calleigh, it was a big mistake. It won't happen again.
- Calleigh: I know. It's over.
- Cooper: What are you saying? The Lab, they gave Ryan another chance.
- Calleigh: Ryan broke protocol. You have broken the law!
- Cooper: Calleigh... Speedle's dead. I mean... no one got hurt.
- Calleigh: [Upset.] You don't think Eric got hurt? You don't think I'm hurt? What about the people that Speedle gave his life for?
- [Cooper doesn't respond.]
- Calleigh: You have until tomorrow morning to turn yourself in, after that I'm going to put out a warrant for your arrest.
- [Calleigh walks away.]
Deep Freeze (6.05) [edit]
Sunblock (6.06) [edit]
- Horatio: Good to have you back, Mr. Wolfe.
- Ryan: It's good to be back. You know, you went to bat for me. I'm never going to forget that.
- Horatio: It's in your blood, isn't it? Never forget that.
- Ryan: I won't.
- Horatio: Mr. Wolfe, at the end of the day, if we don't hang together, we'll die alone.
Chain Reaction (6.07) [edit]
Permanent Vacation (6.08) [edit]
Stand Your Ground (6.09) [edit]
[Calleigh and Alexx in the morgue. Alexx has something to show Calleigh.]
- Calleigh: [entering the morgue] You know I'm not supposed to be down here.
- Alexx: [looking at Calleigh] Calleigh, honey. They said you couldn't work the field. Does this look like the field to you, baby?
- Calleigh: I don't know what happened,i was just at a brunch down the street
- Delko: Are you gonna be o.k?
[shows victim,than goes back to Calleigh.]
- Calleigh: There was a women in that building.
[goes to Calleigh checking on victim than back to upset Calleigh.]
- Calleigh: An innocent women.
- Delko: Listen Calleigh i gotta ask you something but i don't want you to take it the wrong way i know its your day off,but have you been drinking?
- Calleigh: You know the paramedic asked me that question,i had 2 mimosa's but it doesn't have anything to do with what happened,its my day off.
- Delko: You don't have to explain that to me i understand i believe you its just not me you gotta worry about.
[Calleigh leans on Delko's shoulder and Delko comforts her]
CSI: My Nanny (6.10) [edit]
- Alexx: [Calleigh enters the morgue]Hey Calleigh.
- Calleigh:Hi.
- Alexx: I just finished up our girl,so she was a nanny huh?
- Calleigh: Yes and a seemingly very good one.
- Alexx: Your parents were well off did you ever have a nanny?
- Calleigh: Hmm...heh...i wish it'd be nice to have a voice of reason in that house.
[Alexx gives Calleigh a slightly confused look.]
- Calleigh: you know my mom she was...i don't know she was really more a friend than an authority figure,and my dad is just...
[Calleigh starts chuckling.]
- Calleigh: Well we all know that story.
Guerillas in the Mist (6.11) [edit]
Miami Confidential (6.12) [edit]
Raising Caine (6.13) [edit]
You May Now Kill the Bride (6.14) [edit]
- Alexx: Wait a minute so the bride went to the bachelor party at a strip club?
- Delko: Gentleman club.
- Alexx: What's the difference?
- Delko: The difference? i can afford to get into a strip club.
- Calleigh: Thank you if we need anything else we'll be in touch.
- Kelly: Touchings extra.
[Calleigh looks at Eric who laughs.]
- Calleigh: This is a very sexy day at the office.
[Calleigh puts on veil and Eric stares at and grins.]
- Calleigh: If you tell anyone i did this I'll kill you.
Ambush (6.15) [edit]
[Eric goes to Dan Cooper's place to confront him about Calleigh's disappearance.]
- Eric Delko: [pounding on the door; door breaks open] Where is she?
- Dan Cooper: I don't know!
- Eric Delko: What the hell are you doing, huh? What are you doing, Cooper? [Eric shoves Cooper to the ground]
- Dan Cooper: I was just having a little bit of fun, man, all right? Little Miss Perfect needed to be taken down a notch or two. So I videotaped her. So what?
- Eric Delko: Videotape? You've been harassing her on the website, and now she's missing.
- Dan Cooper: Well, Calleigh's a big girl, she can take care of herself.
- Eric Delko: She can take care of herself? You posted her new number on the website!
- Dan Cooper: It's not against the law.
- Eric Delko: Yeah? What if some felon, what if some felon calls her out to a location, huh? You think about that? [Dan is silent] Yeah, that's what I thought. If something happens to her, Cooper, I'm going to come back here and kill you.
All in (6.16) [edit]
- Calleigh Duquesne: I'd rather die than let you touch me.
To Kill A Predator (6.17) [edit]
- Horatio: [looking down at mangled victim] There's a lot of anger here, Frank.
- Tripp: [shaking his head] Someone would have to be pretty cool to pull this off!
- Horatio: [putting on his shades] Not cool, Frank. Cold-blooded.
[Eric and Horatio at Mason Park]
- Horatio: [after spotting Kevin Weaver at the park] Now there's a familiar face!
- [Weaver runs, but is tackled by Eric and detained by officers]
- Horatio: [after Weaver is detained] Mr. Weaver, we meet again.
- Kevin: [desparate] It's not what it looks like!
- Horatio: It never is. What are you doing here?
Tunnel Vision (6.18) [edit]
Rock and A Hard Place (6.19) [edit]
Down to the Wire (6.20) [edit]
- Horatio: [to Mr. Decker] That will be all, Mr. Decker.
- Curt: [showing Horatio the wire from Mr. Decker] You have nothing!
- Horatio: [not impressed] Ah, but you didn't get ALL the wires!
- Horatio: And thank you, Curt, for your big mouth!
- Curt: [about to be arrested] You don't want your lab's dirty laundry out there, do you?
- Horatio: [not impressed] Your offer is meaningless, just like you.
Going Ballistic (6.21) [edit]
- Horatio: [to Brad, a suspect] How very patriotic of you!
- Calleigh: [to Eric, after lab fire] My hero!
- Ron: You play the hero, but it's gotta kill you. Huh? Deep down that you're so bound by the law.
- Horatio You know, Ron...Justice comes in many forms.
- Ron So does self-delusion.
Season 7 [edit]
Resurrection (7.01) [edit]
- Calleigh: [to team, before opening theme] We find out who did this! We'll find out!
- Horatio: [to Julia] I want you to take this and go to a safe place.
- Julia: Where are you going?
- Horatio: I'm going underground.
- [Horatio and Eric meet in parking garage]
- Eric: [confused] Why Wolfe? Why not come to me?
- Horatio: Eric, you were the obvious choice. There was a chance that this might fail--and I didn't want that for you.
- Eric: [worried] These bullets are everywhere, H, what do we do?
- Horatio: I'm working on it.
- Julia: [to Ron] I want a divorce.
Won't Get Fueled Again (7.02) [edit]
And How Does That Make You Kill? (7.03) [edit]
- Dr. Rachel Marsh: [to Eric and Horatio] I'm in my home 20 hours a day,....I know more about everyone else's life but my own.
- Horatio: [to Ms. Dashiell] A word to the wise, Ms. Dashiell--leave the investigative work to me.
- Horatio: [to Justin Marsh] Something is missing from this story, and if you don't help me, I can't help you.
[Calleigh finds Delko's file]
- Delko voice over: After i got shot it really put things in perspective made me think about my future, settling down be nice if it were Calleigh
Raging Cannibal (7.04) [edit]
- Daniel Marsh: [at first crime scene] This place is empty!
- Horatio: Perfect place for a murder!
- Cassandra Gray: [with Horatio in holding cell] Who are they?
- Horatio: U.S. Marshals. They are going to help you disappear.
- Cassandra Gray: U.S. Marshals? They said they'd never give up.
- Horatio: Neither do I!
- Calleigh: [to Eric] I always forget that you're half-Russian.
Bombshell (7.05) [edit]
- Dr. Tara Price: [at boutique] Why a fashion boutique? It just seems so random.
- Horatio: On the contrary, this... was by design.
- Kyle: [with Horatio] Look, Dad, if it comes to that, I want you to put me in the driver's seat!
- Horatio: It doesn't work that way, Kyle.
Wrecking Crew (7.06) [edit]
- Joey Salucci: [to Horatio] Everyone's gotta go sometime!
- Horatio: Some sooner than others.
Cheathing Death (7.07) [edit]
Gone Baby Gone (7.08) [edit]
Power Trip (7.09) [edit]
- Natalia: What does a girl usually do before a date?
- Ryan: Make me wait in the living room with her cat?
The Deluca Motel (7.10) [edit]
Tipping Point (7.11) [edit]
Head Case (7.12) [edit]
And They're Offed (7.13) [edit]
- Calleigh: So what do we got besides a killer view?
- Delko: A man shot in his own luxury suite.
- Calleigh: Any witnesses?
- Delko: Doesn't appear that way,he was here alone.
- Calleigh: Alright lets see what our shooter left for us.
- Delko: So uh what happened to you last night?thought you were coming by Brennens we had a table in the back.
- Calleigh: Oh i just went home did some emails went to sleep i was tired,i`m sorry.
- Delko: Nah no reason to be sorry you just missed out on a good time is all.
- Calleigh: Their grandee truffles,they are delicious they are my favorite and because of that i happen to know you can't even get them in Miami.
- Delko: What does that get us?
- Calleigh: A place to start.
- Calleigh: I thought you might wanna see the tox report on your friend Mark Gantry.
- Ryan: There's no trace of cocaine in his system.
- Calleigh: No,he's clean.
- Ryan: Well that doesn't make sense addicts lie to cover their using,not to uh...not to invent it,why would he do that?
- Calleigh: This may not be what you wanna hear but in my opinion i think he's covering up for a bigger lie, Mark is the track veterinary isn't he?
- Ryan: Yeah so?
- Calleigh: Well you know how they said Robert Banyon's horse all the sudden started lagging?they sometimes use cocaine to dope horses.
- Ryan: Lagging?last time i checked cocaine was a stimulate.
- Calleigh: Cocaine is a stimulate in a humans being but the right does in a horse could cause the heart rate to decrease the repository system to increase it causes them to over breath,slows them down.
- Ryan: So he was dosing the horse and not using the drugs on himself.
- Calleigh: He's race fixing.
- Ryan: He's gambling again...i don't know what to do.
- Calleigh: Let me check into it.
Smoke Gets In Your CSIs (7.14) [edit]
- Ryan: Do you realize you drive like a mad woman .
- Calleigh: Well if you don't like it then next time you drive.
- Ryan: Well maybe i will,so uh what is going on with you and Delko by the way?
- Calleigh: What are you talking about?
- Ryan: Come on Calleigh,you know exactly what i`m talking about.
- Calleigh: Oh please,give it a rest.
- Calleigh: Neighbor called 911 said thought she smelled something rotting.
- Ryan: Well i love the smell of decomp in the morning.
- Calleigh: You are terrible.
- Calleigh: Can you uhm.
[Calleigh starts coughing in integration]
- Calleigh: Excuse me.
[Calleigh starts coughing again]
- Calleigh: Can you-
[Calleigh coughs again,then clears throat and coughs again]
- Collin Astor: Can i what?
[Calleigh coughs again]
- Calleigh: Do you have some gum?
- Delko: Yeah.
[Delko hands gum to Calleigh and looks at worried]
- Delko: You o.k?
- Calleigh: Uh-hhm,Mr. Astor you said you were playing basketball with uhm
[Calleigh starts coughing more,Delko leans toward worried]
- Delko: Calleigh are you ok?
- Collin Astor: What is this? good cop crazy cop?
[Calleigh continues coughing]
- Delko: Calleigh.
- Calleigh: I can't breath
- Delko: Hey,hey,hey
[Calleigh begins falling Delko gets behind her and supports her while she continues coughing]
- Delko: Whoa hey HEY OFFICER DOWN IN HERE
- Collin Astor: Hey whats going on in here?
- Delko: SHUT UP, I NEED AN AMBULANCE OFFICER NEEDS A 42 I NEED HELP NOW
Presumed Guilty (7.15) [edit]
Sink or Swim (7.16) [edit]
[Eric is released from detention following issues with his immigration status]
- Calleigh: [jokingly] You missed out. [They hug] I was going to marry you, but your dad stepped in.
- Eric: [laughing] What makes you think I would say yes? Maybe I met somebody special on the inside.
- Calleigh: I doubt his cooking is as good as mine. Hey, why don't I take you back to my place, I'll make you a traditional American dinner since you are new to our country.
- Eric: Sounds good...but danger has been following me everywhere I go.
[Calleigh shakes her head, then she kisses him]
- Eric: Calleigh, I'm serious, I don't want anything to happen to you. [She kisses him again]
- Calleigh: C'mon. I have the safest house in Miami. Do you know how many guns I have?
Divorce Party (7.17) [edit]
Flight Risk (7.18) [edit]
[Ryan and Natalia are searching the plane's 'rumpus room'; Ryan has told Natalia he thinks Eric and Calleigh are seeing each other]
- Natalia [places fingers in ears]: I can't hear you! Lalalalalalala!
Target Specific (7.19) [edit]
Wolfe in Sheep's Clothing (7.20) [edit]
- Ryan: [to Horatio, explaining what he's done] I didn't interfere with an investigation,...I simply slowed it down,.....I'm willing to go before any review board!
[Ryan faces Eric and Calleigh about a key piece of evidence]
- Eric: Get out, Wolfe! Just get out!
[Ryan looks at Calleigh--who looks at Ryan in disbelief--then leaves]
[Horatio shoots Billy Gantry's abductor; Ryan only hears what is happening on the phone]
- Horatio: Mr. Wolfe, we're coming home!
Chip/Tuck (7.21) [edit]
- Calleigh: [to Frank, after dealing with doctor] Well, isn't HE a ray of sunshine!
Dead On Arrival (7.22) [edit]
[Tara and Kyle in the morgue--Kyle had previously seen Tara take a pill]
- Tara: Aspirin is my friend.
- Kyle: That didn't look like an aspirin.
- Tara: I don't have to explain myself to you, Kyle.
Collateral Damage (7.23) [edit]
Dissolved (7.24) [edit]
[Horatio and Rick have just finished talking to Ron Saris about the pool death]
- Rick: Do you think we can trust him?
- Horatio: Do you? [leaves Rick in hallway]
[Tara faces Rick and Ryan over the stolen medications]
- Tara: I didn't hurt anyone!
- Ryan: You hurt Horatio, you hurt Julia, and you hurt Kyle.
- Tara: I am so sorry!
- Rick: It's gone beyond 'sorry' now. You're under arrest for felony theft, burglary, and evidence-tampering.
[Tara looks over at Ryan as she's being arrested]
- Tara: Ryan?
- Ryan: I gave you every opportunity, Tara.
Seeing Red (7.25) [edit]
[Horatio is at a crime scene with Frank]
- Horatio: [angrily] Frank, I am done with these people!
[Jacob Yarovski is questioned by Horatio and Frank]
- Horatio:[to Yarovski] Tell him what they do to cop-killers, Frank.
- Frank: We're going to put you in a place that makes gulag look like tennis camp!
- Ryan: I love Kayley Ratcliffe!
Season 8 [edit]
Out of Time (8.01) [edit]
Hostile Takeover (8.02) [edit]
Bolt Action (8.03) [edit]
In Plane Sight (8.04) [edit]
Bad Seed (8.05) [edit]
Dude, Where's My Groom? (8.06) [edit]
[Calleigh and Jesse are asking the groomsmen about their missing friend and a security guard]
- Calleigh: You might forget, but the evidence always remembers.
Bone Voyage (8.07) [edit]
Point of Impact (8.08) [edit]
Kill Clause (8.09) [edit]
Count Me Out (8.10) [edit]
[Horatio and Natalia are discussing a scarf from the first scene.]
- Horatio: Natalia, nothing is impossible.
Delko For The Defense (8.11) [edit]
Show Stopper (8.12) [edit]
Die By The Sword (8.13) [edit]
In The Wind (8.14) [edit]
Miami, We Have A Problem (8.15) [edit]
L.A. (8.16) [edit]
Getting Axed (8.17) [edit]
Dishonor (8.18) [edit]
Spring Breakdown (8.19) [edit]
Backfire (8.20) [edit]
Meltdown (8.21) [edit]
Mommie Deadest (8.22) [edit]
Time Bomb (8.23) [edit]
All Fall Down (8.24) [edit]
Season 9 [edit]
Fallen (9.01) [edit]
Sudden Death (9.02) [edit]
[The media, including Erica, are outside the lab]
- Brady Jensen: [angrily to Erica] You're not a journalist--you're a jackal!
[Eric and Ryan are watching the news inside the lab]
- Ryan: [chuckling] That's the first time I've seen Erica speechless!
See No Evil (9.03) [edit]
Manhunt (9.04) [edit]
Sleepless In Miami (9.05) [edit]
Reality Kills (9.06) [edit]
On The Hook (9.07) [edit]
Happy Birthday (9.08) [edit]
Blood Sugar (9.09) [edit]
Match Made In Hell (9.10) [edit]
Horatio: Welcome To South Florida.
F-T-F (9.11) [edit]
Wheels Up (9.12) [edit]
Last Stand (9.13) [edit]
Stoned Cold (9.14) [edit]
- Natalia Boa Vista: Stoning; that's a bit archaic.
- Horatio Caine: Downright Biblical!
