Chris Farley
From Wikiquote
Christopher Crosby Farley (February 15, 1964 – December 18, 1997) was an American actor and comedian (born in Madison, Wisconsin) . He was best known as a cast member on Saturday Night Live television series, who went on to enjoy success in movies in the mid-1990s.
[edit] Sourced
- "Me llamo Matt Foley. Soy un Motivational Speaker." - Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker
- "Da bears, Da bulls.
- "I'm tired of living in a van down by the river!" - Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker
- Everyone is treating it like a Hollywood story. In Madison, it's a neighborhood story.
- In the land of the skunks he who has half a nose is king.
- Tommy: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted, why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.
Ted Nelson, Customer: Go on, I'm listening.
Tommy: Here's the way I see it, Ted. guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to fell all warm and toasty inside.
Ted Nelson, Customer: Yeah, makes a man feel good.
Tommy: 'Course it does. Why shouldn't it? Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted?
Ted Nelson, Customer: What's your point?
Tommy: The point is, how do you know the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Building model airplanes" says the little fairy, well, we're not buying it. He sneaks into your house once, that's all it takes. The next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser and your daughter's knocked up, I seen it a hundred times.
Ted Nelson, Customer: But why do they put a guarantee on the box?
Tommy: Because they know all they solda ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.
[pause] Ted Nelson, Customer: Okay, I'll buy from you.
Tommy: Well, that's... What?
- Gas Station Employee: I'm picking up your sarcasm.
Richard Hayden: Well, I should hope so, because I'm laying it on pretty thick.
- Tommy: I l-left a message.
Richard Hayden: A message? What number did you call?
Tommy: Two, four, niner, five, six, seven...
Richard Hayden: I can't hear you, you're trailing off and did I catch a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?
Tommy: No, it was cordless.
Richard Hayden: You know what? Don't. Not here, not now.
- [Moments earlier they hit a deer, it's now riding in the back seat of Richard's car]
Tommy: Where are we gonna take the deer?
Richard Hayden: I dunno, the vet?
Tommy: You take dead animals to the vet?
Richard Hayden: Why not? I'd take you to the vet.
Tommy: Yeah I'll take you to the... Um...
Richard Hayden: Got that?
Tommy: Shut up.
- Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?
Richard Hayden: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too, all right.
Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
Richard Hayden: I know, they're called doctors.
- Tommy: Hey, I'll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher's *** by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn't you rather to take his word for it?
[confused] Mr. Brady, Customer: What? I'm failing to make the connection here.
Tommy: No, I meant, you can get a good look at a T-bone steak by sticking your head up a butcher's * ... No, wait. It's gotta be your bull.
[embarrassed] Richard: Wow.
- If I wanted a kiss I'd call your mother.
- You better pray to the god of skinny punks that this wind doesn't pick up, cos I'll come over there, and jam an oar up your ass.
- God, you're gonna remember this the rest of your life. Can't believe you've never been cow tipping before. Get ready to live. Huh, huh, huh, ssshhhh. She's sleepin'. What you do is, you put your shoulder into her and you push.
- Matt Foley:I don't know; That and a nickel will get you a hot cup of jack squat!
- Some say he's still alive and haunts Adam Sandler.
