Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant is the 2009 American film adaptation of the Vampire Blood trilogy of the book series The Saga of Darren Shan by author Darren Shan.

Darren Shan

• It's not what you are, it's who you are.

Desmond Tiny

• Oh, I'm not a vampire. I'm not a Vampeneze. I'm... an aficionado.

• [As Crepsley approaches the theater] Let him in, gentlemen! I want to see this play out.

• [Interrupting Darren and Steve as they fight] That's enough, boys.

Steve

• If you kill your family, I'll let the freak go! Wait... my bad, it's backwards. If you kill the freak, I'll let your family live!

Larten Crepsley

• [Introducing himself at the show] Thank you ladies and gentlemen. I am so excited to be here in an anonymous small town that used to have character but is now just a bland suburb filled with chain stores and surrounded by slum. [Awkward silence in the audience] It really is a pleasure to be here. And I am SO honoured that bla bla bla and so on and so forth and excetera adnosium.

• Now boys, vampires don't exist, but if one did, and he thought someone knew, he might smother them in their sleep.

• [After Darren enters his room and turns on the light] Nice room. Some excellent reading material you have here. Thought this was on the internet now.

Gavner Purl

• [When Crepsley asks why the Vampeneze would go after him before Purl] Well, because I'm the toughest and they'll save me for last.

Dialogue

Mr. Tall: [Whisper kind of voice] Are you boys 21? Are you 21?... Say yes!

Darren Shan: Yeah.

Steve: Yes.

Mr. Tall: [Same whisper voice] Good, you don't have a tendency towards panic, sudden cardiac arrest, or crippling anxiety do you?... Say no!

Darren Shan: No.

Steve: Nope. [shakes head]

Mr. Tall: Good, go right in, the show is about to start.

---

Larten Crepsley: Look. If you become a vampire, you have to leave your family, all your friends; it's deeply depressing. Trust me. Now get out of here!

[Steve is silent for a few moments]

Steve: I haven't seen my dad in years. My mom's drunk all the time. I absolutely hate my life! This is what I was meant for.

---

Steve: What, you're saying I have... bad blood? I'm never gonna forget this. One day, I will hunt you down-

Larten Crepsley: You? You're in no position to threaten me. I could kill you tonight- I could knock you out, and lay you in front of a bus, and no one would EVER know!

Gavner Purl: Easy, save it for the enemy! He's just an idiot kid! [Quietly, looking at Steve] Who should be leaving, right now, while he still can.

---

[Darren has sounded an alarm in the hospital and is holding his hands up in the form of a cross, trying to force Crepsley to leave]

Darren Shan: Stay back!

Larten Crepsley: You have no idea how ridiculous you look right now.

---

[Just after Crepsley has turned Darren into a vampire]

Darren Shan: So... do I turn into a bat?

Larten Crepsley: No! No! That is bullshit.

---

Darren Shan: Life isn't pointless.

Larten Crepsley: Tell me that after two hundred years of it, kid.