Clerks (film)

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Clerks is a 1994 film about two clerks: one who works in a convenience store and the other in a video rental store. They have an unusual day at work when dealing with girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, protesters, drug dealers and — worst of all — the customers.

Written and directed by Kevin Smith

Contents

[edit] Randal Graves

  • I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule.
  • Oh, fuck you! Fuck you, pal! There you go, tryin' to pass the buck; I'm the source of all your misery. Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to go to a wake? Who tried to get back together with his ex-girlfriend without even discussing how he felt with his present one?! You wanna blame somebody? Blame yourself! "I'm not even supposed to be here today." You sound like an asshole! Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here. You're here of your own volition. You like to think the weight of the world rests on your shoulders. Like this place would fall apart if Dante wasn't here. Jesus, you overcompensate for having what's basically a monkey's job. You push fucking buttons. Anybody can just waltz in here and do our jobs. You're so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic, so much more important than it really is. Christ, you work in a convenience store, Dante — and badly, I might add. I work in a shitty video store — badly as well. You know, that guy Jay's got it right, man. He has no delusions about what he does. Us, we like to make ourselves seem so much more important than the people that come in here to buy a paper, or, God forbid, cigarettes. We look down on them as if we're so advanced. Well, if we're so fucking advanced, what are we doing working here?

[edit] Others

  • Female Customer: It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.

[edit] Dialogue

Video Store Customer: [holding two videos] They say so much, but they never tell you if they're any good. Are either one of these any good? Sir?
Randal: What?
Video Store Customer: Are either one of these any good?
Randal: I don't watch movies.
Video Store Customer: Well, have you heard anything about either one of them?
Randal: I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.
Video Store Customer: You mean you've haven't heard anybody say anything about either one of these?
Randal: Nope.
[The customer turns around and then holds up the same two movies.]
Video Store Customer: Well, what about these two?
Randal: Oh, they suck.
Video Store Customer: These are the same two movies! You weren't paying any attention!
Randal: No, I wasn't.
Video Store Customer: I don't think your manager would appreciate—
Randal: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
Video Store Customer: I beg your pardon?
Randal: Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.
Video Store Customer: I was only pointing out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying!
Randal: And I hope it feels good.
Video Store Customer: You hope what feels good?
Randal: I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
Video Store Customer: Well, this is the last time I rent here!
Randal: You'll be missed.
Video Store Customer: Screw you! [leaves]
Randal: Screw me? [runs to door] Hey! You're not allowed to rent here anymore!
Jay [standing outside]: Yeeaahhh!
Mother: Excuse me, do you sell videos?
Randal: Yeah. What're you looking for?
Mother: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
Randal: Uh, one second. I'm on the phone with the distribution house now. Lemme make sure we got it. What's it called again?
Mother: Happy Scrappy Hero Pup.
Child: Happy Scrappy.
Mother: She loves it.
Randal: Obviously. Uh, yeah, hi, this is RST Video calling, customer number 4352, I'd like to place an order. Okay, I need one each of the following tapes: Whispers in the Wind, To Each His Own, Put It Where It Doesn't Belong, My Pipes Need Cleaning, All Tit-Fucking, Volume 8, I Need Your Cock, Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers, My Cunt Needs Shafts, Cum Clean, Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts, Cum Buns III, Cumming in Socks, Cum On Eileen, Huge Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum, Girls Who Crave Cock, Girls Who Crave Cunt, Men Alone II: the KY Connection, Pink Pussy Lips,... oh yeah, and, uh, All Holes Filled with Hard Cock. Yep. Oh, wait a minute. [to the mother] Uh, what was that called again?
[Dante and Randal have just returned from a wake]
Dante: I can't fuckin' believe you!
Randal: I'm tellin' you, it wasn't my fault!
Dante: You knocked the casket over!
Randal: It was an accident!
Dante: Like somebody knocks a casket over on purpose!
Randal: It wasn't a big deal!
Dante: Her fuckin' body fell out!
Randal: Just put it back in. It's not like it matters if she breaks something!
Randal: Embolism in a pool.
Dante: What an embarrassing way to die.
Randal: That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died.
Dante: How did he die?
Randal: He broke his neck.
Dante: That's embarrassing?
Randal: He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick.
Dante: Jesus, I gotta go to this.
Randal: Wait, wait, wait. Has it ever occured to you that I might be bereaved as well?
Dante: You hardly knew her!
Randal: True, but do you realize who's going to be there? All of our old classmates, to say the least.
Dante: Stop, this is beneath even you.
Randal: I'm not going to miss what is probably going to be the social event of the season.
Dante: But you hate people!
Randal But I love gatherings. Isn't it ironic?

[edit] Tagline

  • Just because they serve you doesn't mean they like you
  • A very funny look at the over-the-counter culture.
  • "I'm not even supposed to be here today!" - Dante
  • This Job Sucks
  • It Delivers.

[edit] Cast

[edit] External links

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