Count Duckula 
- Grateful nothing! We need another portrait in here like this castle needs more cobwebs!
- Oh Great!
- I might have been killed!
- Goosewing,I... Er... I mean... I mean get out!
- I'll Get It!
- Cooey! Duckyboos!
- Oooh, I can see I'm going to have to teach you some manners!
- You be a brave soldier.
- Oh, oh *no*, what's happening?
Dr. Von Goosewing 
- Chee!! Now, voss izz happening?
- Duckula, you fiend!
- Duckula! Your days are numbered! Soon, you monster, you will be no more!
- Von Goosewing: I ask you to do one thing,Heinreich,one small thing and what do you do?
- Heinreich: I don't know! What do I do?
- Von Goosewing: You don't do it,that's what!
- Von Goosewing: You have ruined everything!
- Heinreich: It isn't my fault!
- Von Goosewing: It is your fault! It's all your fault! It is always your fault! ARAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Good night out there! Whatever you are!!
Season 1 
No Sax Please, We're Egyptian [1.1] 
- Duckula: I haven't paid the electricity bill from the last time you brought me back to life.
- (Duckula is strapped to a sacrificial altar and is faced by two Egyptian high priests)
- Duckula: Oh... where am I?
- Hoomite: You are in the secret temple of the great god Ra. You have trespassed in Upshi's sacred tomb.
- Duckula: Oh... Oh no. Who are you?
- Hoomite: I am Hoomite, high priest of the great god Ra, and this is my assistant Yubie.
- Yubie: Delighted, I'm sure.
- Duckula: Hello.
- Hoomite: Who might you be?
- Duckula: Yes, I got that.
- Hoomite: No, who might you be?
- Duckula: I know, I know, you said that already.
- Hoomite: So, you will not tell me?
- Duckula: Well, I hardly need to, do I?
- Hoomite: We shall see about that. Yubie, you try.
- Yubie: Oh very well, Master. [turns to Duckula] Listen... I am Yubie, right?
- Duckula: No, wrong! I am, you ARE.
- Yubie: Ah! There, Master. He is Yewar.
- Hoomite: So you are Yewar?
- Duckula: I am not, I am not!
- Hoomite: Ah, you are Nott! He is not Yewar, he is Nott!
- Yubie: You are, Yewar?
- Duckula: I am NOT Yewar!
- Yubie: Oh, call me Nott, Yewar! I am not Yewar, I am not Nott, I am Yubie.
- Duckula: [frustrated] Ahem... Look, let us get this sorted out, okay? I am NOT Nott, okay?.
- Both: Okay.
- Duckula: I am NOT Yewar, okay?
- Both: Okay.
- Duckula: But you are Hoomite, and you are Yubie, okay?
- Both: Okay.
- Duckula: Whew...
- Hoomite: But-
- Duckula: Yes?
- Hoomite: Who might you be? [Duckula breaks down into crazed sobbing]
Vampire Vacation [1.2] 
- [Igor enters the room carried by a wave of water, holding a tray with a goblet]
- Igor: Good morning, sir.
- Duckula: And what's good about it, Igor?
- Igor: Oh, it's so ghoulishly gloomy, sir. Everything's so dismally dreary. Even the manacles in the dungeon are rusting nicely, me lord.
- Duckula: (notices the goblet) Ah, carrot juice! Ha-hey! Just the thing! (takes a gulp, but instantly groans in disgust) That's not carrot juice!
- Igor: No, sir. It's a 1963 Yugoslavian Rh negative.
- Duckula: Oh, well that's all- AAH! (leaps about, frantically gulping down water from a bucket and quacking wildly)
- Igor: (chuckles) Yes, it is a little heady, but a very good year.
- Juan Jose etc...: Seize them! Bind them, jab them, prod them, and be generally unpleasant to them! And one last thing!'
- Duckula/Igor/Nanny: Yes?
- Juan Jose etc...: (sweetly) Do you really like-a my boots?
- Don Diego: Just because I'm tall and handsome and brave and good and kind and wonderful... I-I-I- have happen to chop up one or two of the villagers into tiny little bits now and again... they dislike me! Ha ha, ha ha... Well, except for the really fat ones. I'm saving them for tonight.
- Duckula: Tonight?
- Don Diego: Tonight is a fiesta for all the vampires from all over Spain! There'll be music, and a finger buffet with the real fingers. (evilly) Then - then - we chop up a whole village, then there is bingo to follow!
- Duckula: Stop this! Stop this! Stop it, Don Diego! No! I cannot let you do this!
- Don Diego: Oh, you don't like bingo? Ok, we play something else. You choose.
- Duckula: Well, I wouldn't mind playing... - no listen! I mean, you cannot chop up a whole village! It's not right! I will do anything to stop you.
- Don Diego: Anything?
- Duckula: Anything.
- Don Diego: Ahahaha!!! Then tonight, you will fight the horrible bull in all of Spain - El Loco!
- Duckula: OK, listen - if I fight El Loco, will you let the villagers go?
- Don Diego: I will...I will let bits of them go.
- Duckula: Let ALL of them go, or no fight!
- Don Diego: I can't even keep the noses?
- Duckula: No, no noses!
- Don Diego: OK. But remember - El Loco is the most nastiest thing on four legs. He'll ripped up your body, and there'll be bits of you you didn't even know you had. Aha!! Ahahaha!
- Duckula: Ha! I'm not afraid of you, Don Diego! OR El Loco! 'Til tonight then! (Don Diego flits off)
- Duckula: AAAAGH! AAGH! Nanny, Nanny, I'm gonna die!!
- Don Diego: Ah, what a wonderful night. On night like tonight, I can burn down half of Spain!"
One Stormy Night [1.3] 
- Duckula: Hmmm this mirror's filthy. I must tell Igor the clean it! Look at me! Sunken eyes... and that flabby stomach - yuk! And, as for the face... Boy, I need a break!
- Evil Duckula: Forgive me for pointing that obvious. But you do know that vampires have no reflections.
- Duckula: Of course we don't! Anyone knows that...
- Evil Duckula: Mmmmm! What a beautiful throat you have! It blands so neatly into your neck! I want a neck just the right size for my teeth!
- Duckula: Aaaaaaaaaghh! Help!
- Dr. Von Goosewing's Monster: Und I woke up wiz ziss terrible headache and...
- Duckula: Heeeeelp!
- Evil Duckula: Somebody, stop that neck! It's getting away!
- Dr. Von Goosewing: Come my little one. Come to Papa!
- Dimitri: (the clock bats emerge for a daily dose of humour) Hey, Svistoslav, that reminds me... What's the difference between a Yak and a Bison?
- Svistoslav: I don't know, Dimitri. Tell me, what is the difference between a Yak and a Bison?
- Dimitri: You can't wash your hands and face in a Yak! (goes back into the clock laughing to himself)
- Svistoslav: (returning inside the clock) But you can't wash your hands and face in a Bison, either...
Transylvanian Homesick Blues [1.4] 
Restoration Comedy [1.5] 
Mutinous Penguins [1.6] 
Dr. Von Goosewing's Invisible Ray [1.7] 
Down Under Duckula [1.8] 
All In A Fog [1.9] 
Castle Duckula: Open To The Public [1.10] 
The Ghost of McCastle McDuckula [1.11] 
Igor's Busy Day [1.12] 
Autoduck [1.13] 
The Vampire Strikes Back [1.14] 
Hardluck Hotel [1.15] 
The Hunchbudgie of Notre Dame [1.16] 
Dear Diary [1.17] 
Rent a Butler [1.18] 
Jungle Duck [1.19] 
- Nanny: Ooh, can we keep him? It'll be a nice bit of company for Towser.
- Duckula: Towser??
- Nanny: Our werewolf!
- Duckula: Igor ... do we have a werewolf?
- Igor: Oh no, sir.
- Duckula: Then why would we want to waste time chasing after werewolves to keep a werewolf that we don't have company?!
Mobile Home [1.20] 
A Fright At the Opera [1.21] 
Dr Goosewing and Mr Duck [1.22] 
Town Hall Terrors [1.23] 
Sawdust Ring [1.24] 
Duck and the Broccoli Stalk [1.25] 
Family Reunion [1.26] 
Season 2 
- Duckula: [To Nanny] Has this information penetrated what we laughingly call your BRAIN???
Theme Song 
- In the heart of Transyl-vania
- In the Vampire Hall of Fame, yeah
- There's not a vampire zanier than
- He won't bite beast or man
- 'Cos he's a vegetarian
- And things never run to plan for
- If you're lookin' for some fun
- You can always count upon
- The wild and wacky one they call
- Duckula: COUNT Duckula. Heh, Heh, Heh.
Ending Theme 
- If you're feeling...(Screams)
- Or you kind of...(Ghoulish Laughter)
- Could be you've met up with...
- If your knees go...(Knock Knock)
- And your teeth go...(Chatter Chatter)
- Maybe you've bumped into...
- He flies through the night
- Looking for a bite
- But he's back home by daylight
- If you're sort of...(Boing Boing)
- Or you're a little..(Cuckoo)
- It's certain you've ran into...
- If your heart goes...(Boom Boom)
- And your mind goes...(Gibber Gibber)
- Man, you've had a brush with...
- So watch out for the...(Roar)
- Beware of the...(Hysterical Giggling)
- And pray you'll never meet with
- DUCKULA! COUNT DUCKULA!