- Written and directed by Peter Stebbings.
- Look out, termites. It's squishing time.
- When you break the law, you're a punk. When you break the law with a badge, you're a punk with a badge. I don't strike officers. Punks? Different story.
- You keep getting shit-kicked. You gotta not do that. What kind of superhero gets beat up all the time?
- Do you remember when you saved Jack's life? I'll never forget what you did that day. You were just a regular guy doing something remarkable. You don't need a costume. Ordinary people, they do extraordinary things all the time. You're always going to be that hero, Arthur, just by being yourself.
- Dooney: Who the fuck are you supposed to be?
- Defendor: Your worst nightmare.
- Dooney: Who writes your dialogue? Superman?
- Defendor: No. I write it myself.
- Dooney: You know what? You need a good ghost writer. Somebody with talent.
- Defendor: No. You need a ghost writer. 'Cause that's what you're going to be after I pulverize you.
- Kat: Here. You can even have your comic back, too. First issue. You think it's worth something? You're wrong. Some geek offered me four bucks for it. Apparently Strontium 90 and the Hellhound Gang sucks balls.
- Arthur: You shouldn't take other people's stuff.
- Kat: Oh, really? Thanks for the tip. Should I suck your cock now?
- Arthur: Well, you spend all of my money on drugs.
- Kat: Yeah, and...?
- Arthur: Well, you should spend it on a typewriter, like Lois Lane.
- Kat: Well guess what? I'm not Lois Lane, and you're not fucking Superman. So go jack off on some other fantasy, all right?
- Arthur: Why do you smoke that stuff?
- Kat: Why do you dress up like a superhero?
- Arthur: Mmm… 'cause superheroes aren't stupid. They're not afraid. And when I'm Defendor I'm not Arthur anymore. I'm a million times better than Arthur.
- Kat: Well, when I smoke that stuff, I'm not afraid or stupid. I'm not me either. It's the same.
- Kat: I don't need anybody's help.
- Arthur: Everybody needs help. [in Defendor voice] Even superheroes.
- Paul: God, he thinks he's a superhero! That's why he's all beat up like that. He-he dresses up in tights and calls himself Defendor, with a big "D" on his chest and a cape!
- Arthur: No. Capes are for flying. I don't… I don't fly.
- Arthur: Doctor, when I put Kat's dad into the garbage, was that wrong?
- Dr. Park: There are probably better ways to deal with people like that.
- Arthur: So it was wrong?
- Dr. Park: I'm not sure, Arthur.
- Kat: I shot him, Arthur! I shot Dooney in the balls.
- Arthur: Good girl.
- Arthur: Moon…
- Kat: What are you saying?
- Arthur: I'll see you… on the moon.
- An unexpected hero will rise.
- Fight back.
- Woody Harrelson - Arthur Poppington/Defendor
- Elias Koteas - Sergeant Chuck Dooney
- Kat Dennings - Katerina "Kat" Debrofkowitz
- Michael Kelly - Paul Carter
- Sandra Oh - Dr. Ellen Park
- Alan C. Peterson - Radovan Kristic
- Clark Johnson - Captain Fairbanks
- Ron White - Judge Wilson
- Kristin Booth - Wendy Carter
- Dakota Goyo - Jack Carter
- Charlotte Sullivan - Fay Poppington
- David Gardner - Grandpa Henry Poppington
- Max Dreesen - Young Arthur
- Lisa Ray - Dominique Ball
- Jim Ladd - Radio announcer (voice)