Diary of a Wimpy Kid (film)
Diary of a Wimpy Kid is an American live-action/partly animated comedy film based on the book in the illustrated novel series of the same title by Jeff Kinney. The film mainly stars Zachary Gordon and Robert Capron. Also starring in the film are Rachael Harris, Steve Zahn, Devon Bostick, and Chloë Moretz. The film was released by 20th Century Fox on March 19, 2010.
- Directed by Thor Freudenthal. Written by Jackie Filgo, Jeff Filgo, Gabe Sachs, Jeff Judah and Jeff Kinney.
- Chirag Gupta: (Sees Greg trying to touch the Cheese) STOP! Good God, man! You almost got the Cheese Touch.
- Greg Heffley: The what?
- Chirag Gupta: The Cheese Touch. Nobody knows when or how, but one day, that cheese mysteriously appeared on the blacktop. (Scene flashes forward to before the Cheese became moldy) Nobody knew who it belonged to. Nobody touched it, nobody threw it away. So there it sat, growing more foul and powerful by the day. And then, one day, a kid named Darren Walsh made the biggest mistake of his life. (Darren puts his finger on the Cheese)
- Girl: Darren touched the Cheese!
- Darren: No, I didn't! I just looked at it, really! (Everyone runs away from Darren in panic)
- Chirag Gupta: Darren had the Cheese Touch! It was worse than nuclear cooties. He became an outcast. (Darren cries in the hallway) The only way to get rid of the Cheese Touch was by passing it on to someone else. (Darren touches an unsuspecting girl, thus giving her the Cheese Touch) And so began the Cheese Touch frenzy! Friend turning on friend, brother turning on sister, it was madness! Until, a German exchange student named Dieter Müller took it away.
- Boy: (Touches Dieter) Dieter has the Cheese Touch!
- Dieter: (Speaking in German, translation in partially English)Ze Cheese Touch? Vat is it? Vat does it mean, ze Cheese Touch?
- Chirag Gupta: Sadly for Dieter, that fact was lost in translation.
- Dieter: (He is trapped in his parents' car, driving away back to Germany) Nooooooo...!
- Chirag Gupta: Thankfully, he moved back to Düsseldorf, and took the Cheese Touch with him. (Flash forward to the present) And so the Cheese sits, patiently waiting for its next victim.
- Rowley Jefferson: Wow!
- Greg Heffley: Wow!
- Chirag Gupta: This is a terrible place!
- Patty Farrell: [grunts] Come on! What are you waiting for, huh? Don't be such a wuss, Heffley. Make your move!
- Greg Heffley: She's a girl! Where do I grab her? [Patty screams]
- Angie Steadman: You know, Patty? One day you'll wake up and all the things you thought were important won't be anymore.
- Rodrick Heffley: What did I tell you would happen if you ever went into my room again?
- Rowley Jefferson: But, your band is still playing.
- Rodrick Heffley: It's the bass solo, Turd Burglar! Don't you know anything about music? Listen, I came here to get a new drumstick, and now Greg, since Mom and Dad are gone, I'm going to kill you. Literally kill you!
- Rowley Jefferson: (to Greg) I told you.
- Rodrick Heffley: Beat it.
- Rowley Jefferson: OK, but I just want to say one thing! (dives at Rodrick's legs) Run, Greg, run!
- Rodrick Heffley: What? (sees Greg run) Let go, baby hippo!
- Greg Heffley: OK, first of all, let me get something straight, this is a journal, not a diary. Yeah, I know what it says on the cover, but when my mom went out to buy this thing, I specifically told her not to buy the thing that says "diary" on it. This just proves that Mom doesn't understand anything about kids my age.
- Bully: Sissy! (punches Greg)
- Greg Heffley: The only reason why I agreed to write in this thing, is because one day, when I'm rich and famous, I'll have better things to do than answer people's stupid questions all day long.
- Reporter #1: Gregory! Tell us about your childhood!
- Reporter #2: Were you always so smart and handsome?
- Greg Heffley: Here's my journal. Now shoo, shoo.
- Susan Heffley: That's our boy up there.
- Frank Heffley: Why did I ever say no to him?
- Rodrick Heffley: So, look. Mom asked me to give you some advice about middle school. It's real simple: don't talk to anyone, don't look at anyone, don't go anywhere, don't sit down, don't raise your hand, don't go to the bathroom, don't get noticed, don't choose the wrong locker, don't... [sighs] Who am I kidding? You'll be dead or homeschooled by the end of the year anyway. [patting Greg's head] And don't be seen with Rowley.
- Greg Heffley: Let me just say for the record that I think middle school may be the dumbest idea ever invented.
- Greg Heffley: Thank God there are a few normal people or this place wouId be a totaI freak show.
- Rowley Jefferson: [in robotic voice] My name is Bell E. Button. What's yours?
- Angie Steadman: It's completely barbaric. This place is an intellectual wasteland, but it's nice to meet a person more interested in his mind than his body.
- Angie Steadman: It all starts in middle school you know. You're not a kid anymore, the coddling has stopped. Kids are not separated by intelligence. The weak are picked on. The girls you've known since kindergarten won't even talk to you anymore.
- Greg Heffley: Okay, well it sounds like you've got it all figured out so, go back to your book.
- Chirag Gupta: Stop! Good Grief, man! You almost Caught the Cheese Touch!
- Chirag Gupta: This is a terrible place!
- Fregley: I guess this is where all the cool guys hang out.
- Greg Heffley: Right now, I have to take abuse from these morons. But in twenty years, Quentin here will be workin' for me.
- Rowley Jefferson: So, wanna play Twisted Wizard?
- Angie Steadman: You know, I like your point of view. You should sign up for the school paper. We are the voice of the people. Well, the people are mostly idiots so l guess technically speaking we're the voice of the people making fun of the people.
- Teenager: Hey, reflector dude, nice costume!
- Rowley Jefferson: Thanks! My mom made it...
- Angie Steadman: You rejected the school paper, but you joined the Safety Patrol? Are you working your way down the evolutionary ladder?
- Rowley Jefferson: [repeated line] Zoo-wee-mama!
- Rowley Jefferson: Wow. Everyone knows me now. lt's like l'm famous!
- Fregley: Wanna have a tickle fight?
- Rowley* Remember that secret language we made up last week?
- Greg* Your-pa dad-pa smells-pa like-pa a woman-pa. (Laughs)
- Rowley* I think he cracked our code.
- Greg Heffley: Rowley, if you had to say what you were ranked in terms of popularity from one to two hundred, where would you put yourself?
- Rowley Jefferson: Is two hundred good or bad?
- Greg Heffley: I'd say you're somewhere around the 154 mark. I'd put myself around number 19 or 20. I might even have a shot at the top spot by the end of the year. If things will go the way I think they will.
- Rowley Jefferson: Who's at the bottom?
- Fregley: Hey, guys! Wanna see my secret freckle?
- Greg & Rowley: EEEWWW!
- Greg Heffley: Fregley, sent home for hygiene issues at least once a month.
- Fregley: Check it out. It's got a hair in it!
- I'll be famous one day, but for now I'm stuck in middle school with a bunch of morons.
- How to be
- Wimp is in!
- It's not a diary, it's a movie!
- It's not a movie, it's a survival guide.