Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star
- Sam: Okay, Stranger Danger, this is a Slip 'n Slide
- Sally: If you master this, it's the first step to being a real kid.
- Dickie: Great.
- Sally: Dickie, there has to be water in it.
- Dickie: Oh, that's...
- Sam: That's going to leave a mark.
- Dickie: That... stings.
- Rob Reiner: Dickie Roberts This is Nucking Futs! Say It
- Dickie: This is Nucking Futs!
- Rob Reiner: Hilarious
[acting as a 6-year-old, finding a new bike on Christmas morning]
- Dickie: Holy shit, a bike!
- Rob Reiner: You're six.
- Dickie: Holy crap, a bike!
- Rob Reiner: You're six.
- Dickie: Goo-goo, ga-ga, bikey!
- Rob Reiner: Too far back.
- Mrs. Gertrude: Aren't you a bit big to be in a stroller?
- Dickie: Aren't you a bit big to be on the sidewalk?
- Sally: Brick wall, waterfall. Dickie thinks he got it all, but he don't and I do. So, Boom with that attitude. Peace, punch Captain Crunch. I've got something you can't touch. Bang-Bang choo-choo train. Wind me up, I do my thing. Reeses Pieces, 7-Up. You mess with me, I'll mess you up.
- Bully: Hey!
- Dickie: Hey? Don't you mean, "Oink"?
[Grace is pushing Dickie down the sidewalk in a stroller]
- Grace: This feels a little odd.
- Dickie: Dude, I'm the one in the stroller.
- Grace: Did you just call me dude?
- Dickie: I mean mommy.
- Dickie: [to a bully picking on Sam] Is that red hair, or did someone light a fart off your mouth?
- Dickie: Whoa! You ever have such a bad wipeout you don't even feel it?
- Sam: That wasn't one of them!
- Dickie: Cereal? I've been drinking coffee
since I was three. I need a pick-me-up.
- Grace: Too bad.
- Dickie: Fine, cereal it is.
[having cereal]Oh, my gosh, There's a prize inside. [gives Grace the middle finger] There's a prize...
- Dickie: May I help you? Was I being too loud in my treehouse?
- Sidney: I may have to go to the bathroom every 45 minutes, but at least I get to pee in a gold toilet.
- Sally: Dickie, you promised to help me with my pep squad tryouts.
- Dickie: Oh, I will. That pep squad spot's got your name all over it. Did I ever tell you I was a backup dancer for Vanilla Ice?
- Sam: [laughs] No way!
- Dickie: Oh, yeah? I owe him a call.
- Popeye: Boom.
- Dickie: We're right on time.
- Grace: -Are you sure? Yep, yep.
- Grace: All right.
- Dickie: Here we go You got the words down?
- Sally: I think so, yeah.
- Dickie: I think you do, too I drew this up last night These are your dance steps.
- Valeri Perri-Lipson: Okay, girls, come on, let's go It's time to start Our first contestant is Heather Bolan.
- Heather Bolan: Hey, Stallions,I got a message for you And it goes like this.
- Willa Ford: Oh, I, I, I I wanna be bad with you baby I, I, I, I I wanna be bad with you baby
Do you, understand what I need,need (from you) Just let me be the girl to show you (you) Everything that she can be is everything that I can be I wanna be My turn Let me let you know that I can (I can) Promise that I won't do that So boy I, I wanna be bad (bad) You make bad feel so good I'm losing all my cool I'm about to break the rules I, I wanna be bad.
- Heather Bolan: Thank you.
- Dickie: Slut.
- Valeri Perri-Lipson: Our next contestant, Sally Finney.
- Grace: Have fun Just have fun, okay?
- Dickie: You're good You know it.
- Christopher Cross: It is the night My body's weak I'm on the run No time to sleep I've got to ride Ride like the wind To be free again And I've got such a long way to go To make it to the border of Mexico So I'll ride like the wind Ride like the wind Gonna ride like the wind.
- Valeri Perri-Lipson: Oh, that was great!
- Dickie: Yeah! That was perfect.
- Grace: Sally, I'm so proud of you.
- Dickie: Yippee!