- Appropriate sparks are flying, somebody cue the power ballad.
- Look at him, he's killing his hard-on.
- Mr. Newberry here has got the full-on Boo Radley, village idiot, Quasimoto thing going, don't you Mr. Newb?
- The Yogurt Shoppe, Yogurt Shop-e, what the fuck's a Shop-e?
- [sees Andy Effkin being talked to by police] Andy Effkin toasts with the most.
- [Blue Ribbons circle around Steve] Ice Ice Baby.
- It's not like you think. It's a whole new kind of cool. Everything's beautiful, man.
- I had no idea the evil was this pervasive.
- [shouts] You signed me up for the program?
- Be the ball.
- Sounds razor.
- Who put the acid in my Spam?
- Hey! You like Kurt Vonnegut?
- You'd be surprised how interesting people become when they think you're really stupid!
- I'm getting rid of rats.
- Hey, teacher! Leave them kids alone!
- Treat yourself.
- Bad wrong, wrong bad, bad wrong, wrong bad.
- [Blood running down her face] I have to go home. I've got a big physics test tomorrow.
- Allen Clark: What're you doing, dipshit? Don't worry about the snakes in your garden when you've got spiders in your bed.
- Betty Caldicott: Meet the musical little creatures that hide among the flowers.
- U.V.: I bet you didn't know toast came in 3 flavors.
- U.V.: I've got like, two customers left! If this keeps up, I'm going to be the 7-11 guy!
- Andy Effkin: [snaps Mary Joe's neck] Slut.
- Dr. Caldicott: Science is God!
- Gavin: Hello, Lorna. How are you doing today, my dear?
- Lorna: Drop dead.
- Gavin: Contact.
- Steve: Tell me, Shannon, do you get yelled at when you talk about your dead grandfather?
- Nathan: Steve...
- Steve : 'Cause around here, people go crazy if you talk about a dead brother.
- Gavin: Rachel, this is Stevie Boy-good man. Stevie Boy, this is Rachel-Cooks Ridge trash.
- Rachel: [disgusted] Bite me.
- Steve: [after seeing Chug in a fight] What was that about?
- Rachel: Toxic jock syndrome.
- Gavin: No, it is not bullshit, and it wasn't steroids!
- Rachel: [annoyed] Here we go...
- Steve: What?
- Rachel: Gavin thinks some sinister force has taken over the Cradle Bay meatheads.
- Gavin: No, you know what it is! You know!
- Steve: A sinister force?
- Rachel: You know, evil. Nowhere to turn, no one to trust, altogether ooky.
- Dickie Atkinson the Mechanic: You had friends in Chicago?
- Steve: [awkwardly] Yeah.
- Lorna: You can have friends here.
- Gavin: Look at this place: the Yogurt Shoppe... the Yogurt "Shop-e". What the fuck is a "Shop-e"?
- Randi: Why don't you make like a tree and leave?
- Gavin: Clever girl.
- Chug: Will you go out with me?
- Rachel: No.
- Chug: WHY NOT?
- Rachel: Just tell me you have a really razor plan?
- Steve: I am making this shit up as I go.
- Dorian: Evening, Officer!
- Officer Cox: What are you doing?
- Dorian: Oh, I'm getting rid of rats! The pink-eyed vermin can't see for spit!
- [after Steve begs for the family to head back to Chicago, Dr. Caldicott steps inside the Clark house]
- Dr. Caldicott: Steven, you are home. Cradle Bay is where you belong, here with your family.
- Steve: [realizing he's been betrayed by his mother and father] You signed me up for the program?
- Cynthia: We want what's best for you.
- Steve: [screaming] What about what I want??!!
- Dr. Caldicott: Steven, do you really like the way you feel?
- Steve: Oh, shut the fuck up! [to his parents] You sold me out.
- Cynthia: No, we didn't! We just want you back!
- Nathan: Steven, please...
- Steve: [shouting] "Steve!" My name is "Steve", OK?! Nobody calls me "Steven" except for them!
- [U.V. isn't sure if Steve Clark is now one of the Blue Ribbons]
- U.V.: Hey, man, not so fast! What's the capital of North Dakota?
- Steve: How the fuck should I know?
- U.V.: All right, you're cool.
- Steve: What're you doing?
- Dorian: We can't very well let these shitbirds go off and graduate into the world, can we?
- Steve: Maybe they can be helped!
- Dorian: No, they can't... And neither can I! [shows the gunshot wound to his stomach] Do good things, lunch boy.
- Steve: It's over, you son of a bitch. It's finished.
- Dr. Caldicott: "Finished"? There'll always be other towns. Other troubled teens. Other troubled parents. Science is God!
- [U.V. shoots Gavin to prevent him from shooting Rachel and Steve]
- Gavin: [falls to the ground, bleeding] Three times? You had to shoot me three times?
- U.V.: [voice breaking] Sorry, man.
- Gavin: Wow. I get to say to my twisted family... I guess this diminishes my chances of ever meeting Trent Reznor...Wow, I guess I'm finally coming around...
- Note: This was a deleted scene.
- Rachel: What happened?
- Steve: We're the only ones left.
- Rachel: So what do we do now?
- Steve: We go home.
- Rachel: Where's that?
- Steve: Wherever. Wherever we are.
- It doesn't matter if you're not perfect. You will be.
- You'll never be the same.
- In Cradle Bay... there's nothing more frightening than perfection.
- James Marsden - Steve Clark
- Katie Holmes - Rachel Wagner
- Nick Stahl - Gavin Strick
- Steve Railsback - Officer Cox
- Bruce Greenwood - Dr. Edgar Caldicott
- William Sadler - Dorian Newberry
- Chad Donella - U.V.
- Ethan Embry - Allen Clark
- Katharine Isabelle - Lindsay Clark
- A.J. Buckley - Charles 'Chug' Roman
- Crystal Cass - Lorna Longley
- Tygh Runyan - Dickie Atkinson
- Tobias Mehler - Andy Effkin
- Derek Hamilton - Trent Whalen
- P.J. Prinsloo - Robby Stewart