Dude, Where's My Car?
Jesse Montgomery 
- Wait a second. Let's recap. Last night we lost my car, we accepted stolen money from a transsexual stripper, and now some space nerds want us to find something we can't pronounce. I hate to say it, Chester, but maybe we need to cut back on the shibbying. [Chester slaps him] Thanks, dude.
- I do not want us to go down in history as the dudes who destroyed the universe.
- I'm sensing something very Canadian about this place.
Alien Nordic Dudes 
- We will now use the power of the continuum transfunctioner to banish you to Hoboken, New Jersey.
- Jesse: Who's Johnny Potsmoker?
- Chester: Oh, that's my alter ego.
- Jesse: Wait, I thought Johnny Potsmoker was my alter ego.
- Chester: No. Yours is Smokey McPot.
- Jesse: Oh, yeah.
- Jesse: Wait a second. I just got a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
- Chester: Maybe you should go sit on the toilet?
- Jesse: No. No. You know what the feeling is? It's love!
- Chester: Is that what that is?
- Jesse: Yeah. I'm in love with Wanda and you're in love with Wilma.
- Chester: Yeah!
- Jesse: You see. Now that we know that we've been sucky boyfriends... we can change.
- Chester: We can?
- Jesse: Yeah! And you know what else? I'll bet you that we did buy them super cool anniversary gifts. You know why? 'Coz we love them.
- Chester: And we wrapped them really cool wrapping paper?
- Jesse: Yeah.
- Jesse: Nelson, your dog's a stoner!
- Chester: Can he also bong a beer?
- Nelson: Nah. All he does is pretty much lie around and smoke his pipe.
- Jesse: Is it possible that we got so wasted last night that we bought a lifetime supply of pudding and then totally forgot about it?
- Chester: [opens cupboard] I'd say it's entirely possible.
- Ashton Kutcher - Jesse Montgomery
- Seann William Scott - Chester Greenburg
- Jennifer Garner - Wanda
- Marla Sokolof - Wilma
- Kristy Swanson - Christie Boner
- David Herman - Nelson
- Hal Sparks - Zoltan- Cult leader
- Charlie O'Connell - Tommy
- John Toles-Bey - Mr. Pizzacoli
- Andy Dick - Mark