Entourage (TV series)

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Entourage is an original comedy series on HBO. The show chronicles the rise of a hot young movie star named Vincent Chase and his childhood friends from Queens as they navigate the unfamiliar terrain of Hollywood. Vince's entourage consists of: Eric, his closest friend, who acts as his manager; Johnny "Drama" Chase, his older brother, an avid cook and a struggling actor in his own right; and Turtle, who is simply living the high life riding Vince's coattails and serving as chauffeur. Other characters in the series are: Ari, Vince's high-powered agent; Shauna, his long-suffering publicist; and Emily, Ari's personal assistant and Eric's former love interest. The show was created by Doug Ellin. The executive producer is Mark Wahlberg.

Contents

[edit] Season 1

[edit] Entourage (Pilot) [1.01]

Eric: Could you get laid without Vince? That's the question.
Turtle: Do I give a fuck? That's the answer!
Vince: That's what good actors do, they listen. Right, Johnny?
Drama: What?

[edit] The Review [1.02]

[The guys are talking about their "first time."]
Turtle: Sure, Eric... you had to beg for pussy on prom night.
Eric: Yeah, but I begged my GIRLFRIEND, Turtle... not some $40 hooker who declined my mother's credit card.
Jessica Alba: [welcoming the guys to a party] Bar's over there. Girls: everywhere.

[edit] Talk Show [1.03]

Eric: The only person you ever loved is yourself.
Drama: What's not to love?

[edit] Date Night [1.04]

[Justine Chapin and Vince are flirting in a club.]
Justine: You're gonna have to work for it.
Vince: I got into this business so I wouldn't have to work.

[edit] The Script and the Sherpa [1.05]

The Sherpa: The Earth is moving. Did you feel that? Everything. All the time. Dimensions we can't even see. Everything is evolving. Turtle, you're a dove.
Turtle: That's cool. Can I hit that, Sherp? Thanks.
Eric: You afraid of getting busted?
The Sherpa: Busted? I'm entrusted, man. I don't steal. I heal. We're not getting stoned. We're getting honed. My probation officer's one of my best customers. I'm a prisoner. I'm a prisoner of, uh, war. War on Drugs. It's all so negative, man. I mean, the Man's most positive positive-tive is a nega-tive. It's a mega-nega-tive. Right? [shouts] Viking Quest! Let them be low. We are getting high. We're not getting fucked down. We're getting fucked up.

[edit] Busey and the Beach [1.06]

Gary Busey: You are a gut maggot without guts.
Ari: Geez, you're gonna spin off this planet. That's great! Keep it up!
Ari: You know another class I took at Harvard? Business Ethics. I don't steal other people's mother fucking clients, but in your case I'm going to make an exception. I'm going to take everyone: your B-level sitcom stars, your reality-TV writers. When I'm done with you, you're gonna be repping sideshow freaks. You need Jo-Jo the Dog-Face-Bitch-Boy? Call Josh Weinfuck, the lightweight pen-stealing fuckface.

[edit] New York [1.08]

Eric: You know what, I don't even have health insurance.
Ari: Yeah, but I bet you had it over at Quiznos.
Eric: Sbarro's. And I had a business card.
Ari: There you go.
Drama: You look familiar.
Audition Producer: You auditioned for me a couple of years ago.
Drama: Oh, yeah, yeah. How did that go?
Audition Producer: [pauses] You know...
Drama: Yeah, you can't book 'em all.

[edit] Season 2

[edit] The Boys Are Back in Town [2.01]

[Ari has Vince and 'E' in his office; he's about to tell them about a new movie project.]
Ari: You're ready?
Eric: Let's go Ari. We're ready, c'mon!
Ari: [points to Eric] This kid's got no patience. You know, in some countries they cut off your little elfin feet for disrupting the master's flow.
Eric: I'll shove my elfin foot up in your ass!
Ari: You missed me, didn't you?
Vince: Ari! C'mon!
Ari: All right! You're ready? AAAQUAMAN!
Vince: Aquaman?
Ari: Aquaman, baby!! It is Spiderman... underwater. Boooom!
Eric: Tom Cruise is going to play Pablo Escobar? C'mon, the guy's not even Hispanic.
Ari: Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar pretending she has a dick. That's what actors do. They pretend.
Eric: All right, I got it. So what if Cruise passes?
Ari: Then they go to Brad Pitt. He passes, they go to Keanu Reeves, and on down the list.
Eric: Where is Vince on that list?
Ari: He ain't on the list.
Eric: Well, how do we get him on the list?
Ari: You do Aquaman, you stupid fuck!

[edit] My Maserati Does 185 [2.02]

Drama: Let me get this straight. She convinces you to get these extravagant accommodations and then she bails?
Eric: She didn’t bail, she got sick. Before the date, unlike your girls, that get sick when they arrive.
Eric [to Vince]: Forget that girl. The only reason she was with me was 'cause I'm your manager.
Turtle: So? Do you know how much pussy I got in this town that I didn't deserve?
Drama: All of it?

[edit] Aquamansion [2.03]

[Mrs Ari has caught Ari trying to slip away from the house]
Mrs Ari: Where are you going, Ari?
Ari Gold: I have a meeting.
Mrs Ari: At the Playboy Mansion? [looks at pajamas sticking out of Ari's slacks]
Ari: Playboy Mansion, strip clubs, whorehouses, I go where the meetings are. It's my fucking job.
Mrs Ari: I want three weeks in the south of France with the children.
Ari: Oh my God baby, [kisses her] of course you can go.
Mrs Ari: With you. And if you're not home by 2AM, I'm gonna be standing at the gate screaming "Ari Gold, super agent, forgot his Viagra."
Ari: [contemplates threat] Sounds good.
Drama: [to the bouncers at the Playboy Mansion] Can you call me a cab?
Patrick: Try using your thumb down on Sunset.

[edit] An Offer Refused [2.04]

Drama: I think we should turn the pool to face south. Very Feng Shui.
Ari: Dana, I love you. If I wasn't married, I would take you back to Cabo.
Dana Gordon: And it wasn't Cabo, Ari. It was a Red Roof Inn in Rosarito.
Ari: Well, it sure felt like Cabo to me, Dana.

[edit] Neighbors [2.05]

Ari Gold: [answering "emergency" phone call from Eric during a marriage counseling session] There better be a SCUD missile headed towards L.A, Eric.
Eric: No, it's a fucking iceberg, Ari.
Ari Gold: What?
Eric: James Cameron's directing Aquaman.
Ari Gold: Fuck you. Where'd you hear that, Friendster?
Eric: No ,I heard it from Josh Weinstein, jerkoff. Now, why don't you get your hand off your dick and go call somebody.
Ari: [talking to Lloyd over the phone] I don't care if he's in the Arctic shelf. Get James Cameron on the phone, get Dana Gordon on the phone, tell her assistant that if she does not call me back, I'll fuck her worse than I did in Cabo in '92.
Lloyd: Do you really want me to say that?
Ari: Improvise, Lloyd. I'll there in 90 seconds, find out who covers Warners. If all of this isn't take care of, I'll choke you out with a strap-on!

[edit] Chinatown [2.06]

Ari: Chang Chung is the hottest director in Hong Kong. Tarantino has already decided he's the next guy he wants to steal from.
Vince: Cool. Guy must be good. Tarantino only steals from the best.
Ari: That's right, baby.
Eric: Ari, I'm getting killed here. Vince isn't happy.
Ari: Of course he's not happy. Nobody's happy in this town except for the losers. Look at me. I'm miserable. That's why I'm rich.

[edit] The Sundance Kids [2.07]

Drama: On the way here, I was dreaming of hooking up with a nice Mormon girl.
Turtle: So why don't you go after a Mormon, Drama? I mean, they're all over the place here. Besides, everyone knows they know how to treat their man right. They're like Catholic girls times one hundred.
Eric: You think the night before a Mormon wedding a guy says "How am I gonna sleep with the same eight women for the rest of my life?"
Turtle: What about when you divorce all your wives? They get an eighth of all your property.
Eric: No, Turtle, it's a ninth. Otherwise, Vince wouldn't get shit.
Vince: Good lookin' out, E!

[edit] Oh Mandy [2.08]

Vince: Any big news stories today, E?
Eric: What do you mean?
Vince: Mandy's really smart. She was always testing me on what was going on in the world.
[Everyone is silent.]
Turtle: I heard Pamela Anderson dropped another tit size.
Drama: This is kind of embarrassing, but sometimes I wake up in the morning fully tented. Any advice?
Dr. Joyce Brothers: Well, at your age, consider yourself lucky.

[edit] I Love You Too [2.09]

Turtle: Ari Gold, you just got demoted to Silver.
Jesse Jane: So, what brings you to Dorkapalooza?

[edit] The Bat Mitzvah [2.10]

Drama: One day you're lighting up in front of a dozen adults at a Bat Mitzvah, the next you're cruisin' down Santa Monica Boulevard offering handjobs for a crack rock.
Kid:Which one of you did that?
[Drama looks guilty.]
Turtle: It's like getting mad at the bull for giving you the horns when you shouldn't have been in the ring in the first place.

[edit] Blue Balls Lagoon [2.11]

Drama: I remember I broke up with Stacy Laruzzo a week before Valentine's Day. I got back with her a week after. No chocolates, no roses...
Eric: No class.
Vince: We look at it like we've been dating for five years with a four and a half-year break.

[edit] Good Morning, Saigon [2.12]

[The gang just got back the Maserati]
Drama: I'm telling you, once your car's been stolen, it never runs the same again. It's like a guy sleeping with your girl. He leaves his mark all over her.
[Vince is not happy with the silence from James Cameron]
Vince: He didn't call?
Ari: No, he did not call.
Eric: Jesus Christ!
Vince: [to Ari] No, you're fucking pathological.
Ari: Listen. Read Jack Welch, Tony Robbins, Phil Jackson. Motivation! This shit works! You want to be Shaq or Kobe? Michael or Scotty? Damon or Affleck?
Eric: [angrily] Ari, do you want to be out of our lives, man, 'cause this could seriously be the end of you
Ari: I am your biggest fan, I think you are this close to being the biggest movie star on the planet but you are slipping...over a girl?

[edit] Exodus [2.13]

[Ari has his Jerry Maguire moment after Terrence McQuewick fires him over the Tsetse Fly Elite Eight plan]
Ari: I will be starting my own agency. Two very important goals will apply: to make everyone who is in at the ground floor rich, and to burn this motherfucking place to the ground! Lloyd, are you with me? [Lloyd remains silent. Ari approaches him] Lloyd, what are you doing? You and me we have a special bond. Come on, let's go.
Lloyd: Ari, swear to me that you will never again say anything offensive to me about my race or my sexual orientation.
Ari: I can't swear to that, but I promise I will always apologize after.
Turtle: He cries in front of her, shows her he's sensitive... bang! He moves right in.
Drama: Yeah. His tears will basically act as a lubricant.

[edit] The Abyss [2.14]

Lloyd: How'd it go?
Ari: How'd the fucking Bay of Pigs go, Lloyd?
Eric: Sloan, I'm a college dropout, all right? Guys in the mailroom out here have Wharton MBAs.

[edit] Season 3

[edit] Aquamom [3.01]

Vince: What's so special about these two?
Turtle: Vince, these two will fuck us if we take them, guaranteed!
Vince: How do you know?
Turtle: 'Cause they said, "If you take us, we'll fuck you!"
Drama: It's like chummin’ for sharks, Vince. You throw enough blood and guts in the water, you're bound to catch a great white.
Eric: Yeah, except there's gonna be fifty girls at the party who all show up thinkin' they're your dates.
Turtle: And what happens when fifty sharks show up lookin' for their goodies, E?
Drama and Turtle: Feeding frenzy!

[edit] One Day In The Valley [3.02]

Ari: We're gonna dent that headboard. No bullshit. I guarantee you! You will not walk right tomorrow.
[Ari is at his house, nervous with the prospect that "Aquaman" may hit low numbers on its premiere.]
Ari: Blackouts? Fuckin' Blackouts! [looks up at the sky] Thank you very much!
Ari's Wife: The town will understand it, Ari. It's not the movie's fault.
Ari:: Baby... It wasn't the Cubs' fault when that douchebag grabbed the foul ball either, but they still don't get the World Series' ring. There are no asterisks in this life, only scoreboards, and ours is currently reading "FUCKED"!

[edit] Dominated [3.03]

Ari: [to Turtle] Hey, moron. He's thirteen.
Drama: In celeb years, it's like 30.
Eric: So what's that make you, Drama? Like, 140?
Drama: So you're admitting I'm a celeb.
[In the kitchen, E, Turtle, and Drama are hearing the loud voices of a girl having sex with Dom]
Drama: You hearing this guy, E?
E: I hate being seen over here with this guy, Drama.
Drama: It's hysterical [Drinks coffee]
E: Hysterical's waking up at 5am thinking somebody's been murdered.
Turtle: Guy's been out of commission for five years, he's making up for lost time.
[The girl finishes]
Drama: [checks watch] Couple of minutes more he would have had my record beat.

[edit] Guys and Dolls [3.04]

Eric: [Waking up at 5:30 a.m. and dialing Ari] Enjoy this, motherfucker.
Mrs Ari: [hearing Ari's phone ring] Who died?
Ari: No one, yet. [answers the phone] What?
Eric: It looks like I woke you up this time, Ari.
Ari: No, but you did wake my wife and kids, dickhead. Vinnie better be sitting in prison with a DUI or something. Is he?
Eric: No...
Ari: Then what the fuck do you want, cunt muscle?
[Ari has called E early in the morning]
E: So, we had an offer?
Ari: No, we got a problem.
E: Oh, don't tell me that Ari, not today. You said you were sure.
Ari: I was. I just got a call with Rubenstein's people. Somebody robbed his house at the party last night.
E: What?
Ari: Somebody stole the original Shrek doll right out of its apparently-impossible-to-break-into case.
E: Jesus.
Ari: Cops are all over this. I don't mean to tell you this E, but if this goes bad for us, you can kiss Bogota goodbye.
E: Why would it come bad for us?
Ari: I'm talking about your new housemate, E.
E: Ari, there were 300 people there.
Ari: WELL, 299 OF THEM DIDN'T SERVE TIME!

[edit] Crash and Burn [3.05]

Ari: Baby, those tears mean our little girl is gonna stay our little girl for at least another day.
Ari's Wife: Awww, Ari.
Ari: Now, how about a quick blowjob before my Vince dinner?
Drama: You know what they say: "An actor with a no agent is..."
Eric: Is what?
Drama: Is fucked!

[edit] Three's Company [3.06]

[Drama reflects on Sloan's friend, who joined the group on their night out and was introduced to him and Turtle]
Drama: She was ice cold. Did you hear what she said to me when I asked to buy her a drink?
Eric: No, what?
Drama: "No, thank you." What a bitch.
Ari: People, staff meeting has been canceled. You will all have one goal today: to get Vincent Chase's brother, Johnny Chase, a job. [shows pic of Drama] Any job. I don't care if its a porn shoot in which he is being gang-raped by a gaggle of silverback apes, [employees look at him in surprise] If there are cameras rolling, everybody wins. Ten grand to anyone that can deliver this to me today.
Lloyd: [after following Ari out of the conference room] Can I vie for the ten grand prize also, Ari?
Ari: Sure, but you'll get paid in yen. Now try E one more fucking time.

[edit] Strange Days [3.07]

Drama: Freud says there are no accidents...
Eric: Oh, yeah? You two crossed swords during your threesome... accident?
Turtle: It could be fun, Vince. Like that time you got auctioned off at the Feed the World event.
Vince: Jesus. Remember that Cuban guy who bought me and wanted me to come live with him in Havana?
Drama: The guy never sent me those Cuban cigars he promised. I should call.
Turtle: Yeah. Ask him if he knows any good lefties for the Yanks' bullpen while you're at it.

[edit] The Release [3.08]

Drama: You know, Eddie Burns offered me Brothers McMullen. True story. But I took a TV show instead.
Turtle: Was that when you did your full-frontal "Red Shoe Diary?"
Drama: No. That's when I did my three-episode arc on 90210, sexually harassing Tori Spelling.
Turtle: Nice choice.
[Barbara crashes the Gold Standard Agency's emergency meeting after Terrence denies Ari his settlement money]
Ari: [upon seeing Babs] Hey Babs, the Traitorous Skanks Anonymous meeting is next door.
Babs: Let's talk.
[Ari and Babs go to adjacent room]
Ari: Can't believe that you set me up after all I've done for you.
Babs: Ari, I need you to see your cards.
Ari: You've seen 'em.
Babs: How much do you need?
Ari: [flabbergasted] What?
Babs: Come on, I want to be partners.
Ari: Why?
Babs: Because I believe in you, and because I can't work with my ex-husband anymore.
Ari: No shot, this is my deal.
Babs: Ari, you have no money and I have too much.
Ari: So what do you want?
Babs: To fuck...Kidding. I want 60% of my name on top.
Ari: I'd rather fuck.
Babs: Fifty-five.
Ari: Forty-five
Babs: Fifty-one.
Ari: Forty-nine.
[Ari and Babs return to meeting]
Ari: Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...[raises Babs' left arm] MILLER-GOLD! Huh!!? [agents cheer; to Babs] I'm saying the fucking beer.

[edit] Vegas Baby, Vegas! [3.09]

Eric: Hey, jerkoff. You signed him up to judge a stripper contest.
Turtle: Really? Titties?
Eric: It's a stripper contest.
Turtle: Nice.
Turtle: Wait 'til you see dinner. I got ten of the best strippers in town joining us tonight.
Drama: Strippers — why?
Turtle: Now shouldn't it be "Strippers — how?" and "Thank you"?
Vince: Thank you.

[edit] I Wanna Be Sedated [3.10]

[Turtle is irritated with Saigon's absence for an important meeting]
Turtle: Where the hell is Saigon!?
Drama: Maybe he got clipped in a drive-by.
Eric: Remember me?
Ari: One never forgets their first love, E.

[edit] What About Bob? [3.11]

[Vince accompanies Turtle to buying a new pair of shoes and see a long line of people outside the store]
Vince Chase: I don't get it, all these people are in line for sneakers?
Turtle: Yeah, some have even camped out all night.
Vince: For sneakers?
Turtle: Vince, these ain't just sneakers. These are limited-edition Fukijamas.
Vince: [surprised] Fuki-what?
Turtle: Ha...Vince, you know sometimes, you're so cultureless? Fukijama is one of the most famous graffiti artists in the world. Every year, Nike commissions him to do a limited drop; 200 pairs this year. After that, he destroys the pattern and never to be made again.
Vince: They're holding a pair for you?
Turtle: Nah, they refuse to do so. It's an unwritten law in America - bring a movie star, go right to the front of the line.
Vince: Turtle, are you nuts? They'll kill us if we go to the front of the line.
Turtle: They'll be thrilled just to get a glimpse of you.
Vince: I'm not cutting, Turtle.
Bystander: [clenches fist] Better to be a man of the people, Aquaman.
Turtle: Vince, these are limited-
Vince: Back of the line, Turtle. You're lucky I'm even willing to wait.
[E's phone is ringing just before he and Ari meet a studio exec to sell Bob Ryan's Ramones film script]
Ari: [mimics voice prompt] If you need to put your phone on vibrate, it's your first meeting, Press 1.

[edit] Sorry, Ari [3.12]

[Ari has failed to get back the I Wanna Be Sedated screenplay from Alan Gray for Vince. Dana Gordon tries to tell him something]
Dana Gordon: I'm gonna tell you something that you swear it's not gonna come back to me.
Ari: As always, hand over heart. You know that.
Dana Gordon: Ari, please.
Ari: I swear.
Dana Gordon: Alan's not gonna make this movie. He bought it just to spite Vince, and he's gonna stick it in a drawer.
Ari: Jesus, he really is crazy.
Dana Gordon: Mm-hmm
Ari: Why are you telling me this?
Dana Gordon: Because I hate working for him and I want out. And Ari, come on, I mean, I love this movie. I grew up on the Ramones, and I love it for Vince, so get me on as a producer.
Ari: How? It's Alan's movie.
Dana Gordon: No. Not yet it isn't. They're still negotiating Bob's perk package, so just make sure Bob doesn't sign those papers.
[Ari tries one last gamble to retain Vince as his client after he discovers Vince looking at other agencies. It flops.]
Ari: Vince, what are you doing?
Vince: Ari, I didn't need the whole dog-and-pony show. I really thought you were different from everyone else.
Ari: Vince, I am
Vince: Ari, you do things your own way and you don't give a shit what we think about it.
Ari: I do give a shit. You should have seen me today begging and pleading to get that movie back, but it's gone. The past is the past, let's look to the future.
Vince: You're unreal. I mean, even after you fuck up like this, you can't even muster the strength to just, as my friend, look me in the face and say "I'm sorry."
Ari: That's all you wanted?
Vince: That's all I wanted.
Ari: Then I'm sorry, Vin.
Vince: It's too late.
Ari: Vince
E: Ari, you're fired.
Vince: [to Turtle and Drama] Let's roll.

[edit] Less than 30 [3.13]

[edit] Dog Day Afternoon [3.14]

[edit] Manic Monday [3.15]

Ari: Everybody stop. I didn't go to the Lakers game because they're playing the fucking Bobcats. And I came here today because I thought this was a session on how my wife could learn to communicate. How to answer a question without a question. Basic Humanity 101. Which, I thought, given your wall of fucking diplomas, you could easily fix. Or if you couldn't, you could give her a pill that would either fix it or make her a mute. But now, to turn around and gang up on me — I have work to do. I have hundreds of clients to deal with. And just so we're clear, I don't care about any of them. They're all just a number, like wife #1 and therapist #7. Good day.
Mrs. Ari: You're really only our fifth.
Ari: You shitty dime-store therapist. A man's life is on the line here, and all you give a fuck about is beating some stupid club record that will do what for you? Give you five minutes of pleasure while you fuck your underpaid, emasculated husband tonight? How the fuck does he afford this place anyway? Isn't he a guidance counselor at a high school?

[edit] Gotcha [3.16]

[edit] Return of the King [3.17]

[edit] The Resurrection [3.18]

[edit] The Prince's Bride [3.19]

[edit] Adios Amigos [3.20]

[edit] Season 4

[edit] Welcome to the Jungle [4.01]

[The final scene of Medellin has completed its first and only take]
Billy Walsh: Cut! [walks to E] Start off, suit, I need another one. [E is flabbergasted] Ahh, I'm fucking with you, it was perfect! [crew cheers]
Vince: [surveying aftermath] Guys, we did.
E: Yeah, who would've thought that two kids from Queens could have pulled this off, but we did, it's gonna fucking amazing.
Vince: You know, I've never felt so good about a movie after making this one. I know it.
Documentary Narrator: Billy, think you've made a good film?
Walsh: [looks to narrator] Hey, it's gonna be a genius or its gonna fucking suck. 'Til I see the first cut, I have no idea. You know what? Neither does anybody else.[walks away]

[edit] The First Cut is the Deepest [4.02]

[edit] Mailbooty [4.03]

[E has just seen a trailer for Medellin at Billy Walsh's post-production lab]
E: Wow, this looks great.
Technician: Yeah, if only the movie looked so good.
E: What?
Technician: I didn't say anything. [turns off editing machine and leaves]

[edit] Sorry Harvey [4.04]

[On the way home from dinner, Ari and Mrs Ari discover that a screenplay M Night Shyamalan gave to Ari for reading has disappeared. They stop the car to find it.]
Ari: [having checked out the backseat] Jesus, the valet probably stole it.
Mrs Ari: don't be racist.
Ari: Valets steal shit, alright? Just because they're Hispanic, doesn't mean I'm a racist. You know what happens if this gets out? If someone puts Night's new ending on the Internet, MY LIFE IS OVER!
Mrs Ari: Nobody's gonna know you did it.
Ari: Yes they will, because Night, that little sick fuck, printed my name [pounds roof with every word] on every fucking page!
[Ray the Bouncer talks to Vince about something]
Ray: Yo, Vin.
Vince: Hey! [clasps hands]
Ray: This is delicate.
Vince: What's that?
Ray: You know your boy you came in with? [referring to Beverly Hills mayor]
Vince: Yeah, what about him?
Ray: He's about to suck face with a tranny.
Vince: What? Come on!
Drama: That's no tranny, that's Annika!
Ray: Annika's got a bigger stuff than you, Drama.

[edit] The Dream Team [4.05]

[edit] The WeHo Ho [4.06]

[edit] The Day Fuckers [4.07]

[edit] Gary's Desk [4.08]

[Eric answers the phone in his new office.]
Eric: Eric Murphy.
Ari: Like the new office number, "E"? You know, it spells 274-COCK.
Eric: It does not!
Ari: No, it doesn't, but I made you look!
[A proposal meeting for Mary J. Blige as a client with MGA has been disrupted by a fight between Jensen twins Jim and Jeff. Ari summons the two to his office and demands the truth]
Jim Jensen: He fucked my wife, Ari.
Ari Gold: No, he did not. [stammers, to Jeff] You did? You fucked his wife? [Jeff nods] As you?
Jeff Jensen: What?
Ari: Did you pretend to be him [gestures to Jim] or did she actually fuck you thinking you were you?
Jim: [To Ari] You think this is funny?
Ari: No, I think this is disgusting!

[edit] The Young and the Stoned [4.09]

[Lloyd has connected with Dana Gordon, whom Ari wants to talk to.]
Lloyd: I have Dana Gordon.
Ari: [during push-ups] Weird, huh? I used to do push-ups like this on top of Dana Gordon. True story.

[edit] Snow Job [4.10]

[Ari tries to convince studio head Richard Wimmer about the potential of Billy Walsh's Silo script, but Dana Gordon is determined to see Walsh and Vince fired from the project because it is not the script Walsh was paid to write.]
Richard Wimmer: I'm gonna tear your head off, Ari.
Ari Gold: Please don't, because I have [shows script] your summer movie. [begins to explain script] From the director of Medellin and Queens Boulevard comes Silo. It is the story of a group of non-unionized farm hands who band together to survive a nuclear attack after discovering an underground society. It is ready to shoot, Billy Walsh is on board, Vinnie Chase is on board, and if you're not, Fox, Universal, and Sony are.
Dana Gordon: He's bluffing.
Wimmer: What's it matter? There's a summer movie in there, we pack up our shit and go home.

[edit] No Cannes Do [4.11]

[E and Anna Faris are on the phone.]
E: You know that we've been on the phone for like, 97 minutes?
Anna Faris: Well, I needed something to pass the time before the Pussycat Dolls comes on.
E: You're obsessed, you know that?
Anna Faris: Hey, some people have drugs or alcohol in times of sadness, I have reality TV.
[The boys decided not to join Sidney Pollack on his private flight to Cannes because of a lack of space and Vince's determination to bring everybody, until Kanye West's team appears at the departure lounge]
Kanye West: [to Vince] Where you headed?
Vince: Nowhere.
Turtle: We got no plane, man.
Kanye: We're headed to London, we're chilling out for a second.
Turtle: How much room you got?
Kanye: We got a little room. [points to large private jet]

[edit] The Cannes Kids [4.12]

[Drama and a French girl who picked him up at Yair Marx's boat talk about Viking Quest, which is a big hit in France]
Drama: [Laughs] That's amazing. I didn't know that episode aired, we got cancelled in the middle of shooting it.
Jacqueline: Well, it aired here. I've seen that scene a hundred times.
Drama: A hundred? Come on.
Jacqueline: I'm not exaggerate! My whole family, especially my father, loved Viking Quest. At 9pm every Thursday, we'd be like, [speaks French dialogue]
Drama: Really?
Jacqueline: Oui! He put on my brother in the uniform that you wore on the show for his birthday. He's so funny, though his muscles are not as big as yours.
Drama: That's amazing.
Jacqueline: Amazing is meeting you. Here.
Drama: Yeah.
Jacqueline: So shall we go back to your hotel?
[Medellin has finished screening, and the heckles have started flying]
Dana Gordon: Thanks for not selling me this movie Ari, it's the one nicest thing you've ever done for me. [to Yair Marx, whose beside Ari] Congratulations Yair, I hear it's all yours.
Yair Marx: I didn't sign anything.
Ari: What are you talking about?
Marx: That's the worst piece of shit I've ever seen!
Ari: Yair, we had a deal.
Marx: Sue me, my company's based out of Dubai. [puts on shades] Good luck.
Gordon: Sorry, Ari.
Billy Walsh: [in front of screen] Hey! Where the fuck are you French faggots going!?? Show some respect! Go below the line people, and watch the credit! What, no Q and A?
Harvey Weingard: [sits beside Ari] It ain't easy making a movie.
Ari: You come to gloat now Harvey?
Weingard: No, no. I just came to say that he's right. It's genius.
Ari: You want to buy it?
Weingard: I will - for one dollar.

[edit] Season 5

[edit] Fantasy Island [5.01]

[Ari's fuming over Richard Roeper's review of Medellin and lets out steam on the staff]
Ari: Attention everyone please! Listen up! No one mentions Richard Roeper again. Not today, not ever. By doing so, you are simply announcing that on Sunday night instead of doing your job, reading scripts, you’re watching TV. The NEXT PERSON to mention Richard Roeper will be fired. [annoyed with phone at Lloyd's desk] And Lloyd, you will also be fired if you don’t answer THE FUCKING PHONE!!!
Lloyd: [answers phone] Ari Gold's office?
Employee: [talks to Ari on the way back to his office] I liked Medellin, Ari-
Ari: Then you’re a fucking idiot.

[edit] Unlike A Virgin [5.02]

[edit] The All Out Fall Out [5.03]

[At the MGA conference room, two police officers just tied down Ari to his seat.]
Officer Nickerson: Mr Gold, if you cooperate, we'll make this as pleasant an experience as we can for you.
[His partner, Officer Morgan suddenly plays music from his evidence kit]
Ari Gold: Wait a minute. What is this, who are you guys?
Officer Morgan: BHPD, Boner Patrol. [The officers take off their clothes and start dancing around Ari]
Ari: Oh come on.
Nickerson: You're about to get your stiff inspected.
Assistant: Oh my God.
Ari: Lloyd, LLOOOOYD!!! [colleagues in and out of the conference room start laughing]
TI: [stands up and leaves] I'm out of here, Ari.
Ari: Hold on, TI!
TI: Call me when you're done with your entertainment.
Ari: Lloyd, you speak their language, MAKE IT STOP!
Lloyd: It'll be over soon Ari, just close your eyes, and think of pussy!

[edit] Fire Sale [5.04]

[edit] Tree Trippers [5.05]

Drama: Just us men and our souls. And a bag of shrooms.
Turtle: Where's Arnold?
Drama: He's right there. I've been watching him.
Turtle: That's a rock! Are you kidding me?

[edit] ReDOMption [5.06]

Eric: Wow, golf on a Wednesday, huh, Ari? In the next life I wanna come back as you.
Ari: I wish I could return the compliment, E. But I'd rather come back as one of Michael Vick's dogs.
Drama: [after closing the door on the trailer where an extra stands waiting in bikini] Who's that?<
Turtle: It's an extra. You're her favorite character.
Drama: What am I supposed to do with her?
Turtle: Fuck her! What do you think?
Drama: You think I need you to pick up extras for me to bang?
Turtle: Well, I did have to charm about 20 of them before I found one that would say yes.
Drama: Do you know how stupid this is?
Turtle: I thought it'd make you happy?
Drama: No, it doesn't make me happy. I can't have an extra in my trailer. I got sexual harassment lawsuits coming out my ass as it is.
Turtle: I never heard about those.
Drama: I don't tell you everything.

[edit] Gotta Look up to Get Down [5.07]

[Ari chances upon Vince and the gang going on a private jet while he flies to Geneva with John Ellis]
Ari Gold: I can see that you're saving money by flying private again.
Vincent Chase: Not our dime. It's theirs. [gestures to Dolce and Gabbana models]
Ari: Nice dime.
Vince: Where you headed?
Ari: We're going to Geneva. That's Alan's boss right there. [points to John Ellis boarding the plane]
Vince: Yeah?
Ari: Yeah!
Vince: Ah, you're going to Geneva for me? [Notices Ari speechless] Something wrong?
Ari: Yeah. Listen, Vinnie, um, you're the only one in this town that I'm telling this to - I'm in a position where I can get you any job that we want for the rest of your career.
Vince: How so?
Ari: They're offering me Alan's position. They want me to run the studio.
Vince: Wow.
Ari: It just came out of the blue. What do you think?
Vince: Ah I, I think I'd like us to finish what we started together, but...I think you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

[edit] First Class Jerk [5.08]

[The gang is angry that a Frank Darabont project Josh Weinstein offered to meet them for has nothing for Vince]
Josh Weinstein: This is not TV, Vince.
Vince: Oh no, what is it?
Weinstein: This is TV with Frank Darabont!
E: Know what Josh, sandbagging us like that was a real dick move.
Weinstein: I thought it would be more impactful if you heard it straight from Frank.
Drama: What the hell's so wrong with going TV?
Turtle: Nothing for David Hasselhoff or for you [to Weinstein], but for Vince, doing TV is ridiculous.
Drama: But for you, doing Jamie-Lynn Sigler isn't. [gang stops to finally face Weinstein]
Turtle: Oh, here we go.
Weinstein: You did Jamie-Lynn Sigler?
Drama: Yeah, you believe it?
Weinstein: Not really.
Drama: Nobody does.
E: Yeah, it's been a pleasure as always, Josh.
Weinstein: Just hold on a second, at least read the script. It's Frank Darabont, he's a genius. Vince, there's lots and lots of money in TV.
Vince: I don't want to get stuck playing the same character for the next five years. I just want to do movies.
Turtle: He's a movie star, you know.
Weinstein: Lots of movie stars do TV. George Clooney did ER, for Chrissake.
E: That was before he was George Clooney. No one goes back, 'cause you don't get back to movies.
Turtle: You didn't see Leo in the Growing Pains reunion.
Weinstein: Well, maybe it's time for you to think about that part of your life being over. Maybe you're not gonna be a movie star anymore. [pause] Look guys, I'm sorry. I'm just telling you what nobody in this town has the balls to.
E: [gets in Weinstein's face] Why don't you walk away, Josh? Walk away.
[Ari confronts Amanda Daniels as John Ellis also offered her the studio presidency]
Ari Gold: Not bitter huh?
Amanda Daniels: Fuck you, Ari. You can kiss your relationship with that studio goodbye.
Ari: No, [points to Amanda] you can kiss your motherfucking dream job goodbye, 'cause you're right. I didn't want this job, but now I'm gonna take it just to spite you! [goes out of room and calls Lloyd] Lloyd. Yeah, call John Ellis. Tell him I'm gonna close this motherfucking deal.

[edit] Pie [5.09]

[edit] Seth Green Day [5.10]

[edit] Play'n with Fire [5.11]

[Turtle and Jamie-Lynn Sigler have some bonding time on the road]
Jamie-Lynn Sigler: What's your plan?
Turtle: Plan for what?
Sigler: Your life, do you have one?
Turtle: It might not look it, but I've pondered a few things.
Sigler: Oh yeah? Like what? [Turtle laughs] Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you in the spotlight like that.
Turtle: It's okay, things haven't exactly panned out, career-wise.
Sigler: Why don't you take over this limo business, and I'll be the driver.
Turtle: [thinks about her offer] Hot girls driving limos...I love that. Call it "Lim-hoes."
Sigler: [Laughs] I don't know about the name. [pinches Turtle]
Turtle: Not sure about having a business partner who's in jail, either.
[Ari and Dana Gordon confront Verner Vollstedt over his problems in shooting Smoke Jumpers with Vince, who's present along with E]
Verner Vollstedt: I'm not gonna take anymore of this shit.
Dana Gordon: Oh yes, you fucking are. Get your ass back here! [Verner walks back to her; Dana keeps pointing a finger at him] I hired you and you have a movie to finish that you are getting paid a lot of money to do and [raises voice] that's exactly what is going to fucking happen! Do you understand me!?
Ari Gold: I do. Anyone else turned on right now?

[edit] Return to Queens Blvd. [5.12]

[Drama's cousin Ronnie has offered him a chance to invest in a bar and a call from Jamie-Lynn Sigler for Turtle has just changed his outlook]
Drama: Hey Ronnie, you tell Phil that if this place is henceforth known as Johnny Drama's, I'm in.
Ronnie: Yeah?
Drama: Yeah. [stands and addresses crowd] Hey everyone, I got an announcement to make. The drinks are on me...[crowd cheers] or should I say, the drinks are on...the house! [crowd cheers louder and Drama high-fives Ronnie]
[Vince walks out of the house after Gus Van Sant politely tells him he is not needed for his latest project. E follows him]
Eric 'E' Murphy: Vince, Vince..
Vincent Chase: I don't wanna talk about this right now, E.
E: It'll gonna be alright. We just turned a leaf. Things didn't go as planned, and everything's gonna turn out fine.
Vince: [turns back to E] Really? You're sure? You're so fucking sure, how do you really know?
E: I just do.
Vince: Just like you knew about this? Ari told you No, and you kept pushing. Not only did you embarrass yourself, you embarrassed me.
E: Embarrassed you? Gus Van Sant likes you.
Vince: Do you believe him? C'mon, he wouldn't let me audition. Who knows if he even watched the footage?
E: Vince-
Vince: No! We said, we swore that this year, we would listen to Ari, and guess what? Again, you didn't.
E: What am I supposed to do? Do nothing and stand idly by in the hope that something magically appears?
Vince: Yeah, maybe, and since you've been my manager, everything that you've pushed for has brought me to this point.
E: You serious? I've been the one working to get you what you want when no one else cared.
Vince: Yeah, that maybe what I needed, someone who would look out for my career and not my personal interests.
E: I was doing both!
Vince: Whatever it is you're doing, clearly it wasn't working. Two years ago, I was starring in movies, now people wouldn't let me audition?
E: One person wouldn't let you audition, you gotta stay positive Vince, you know that.
Vince: Are you serious? I've done nothing but stay positive. I've listened to everything that you wanted me to do, and now I've got a house full of people who can really see how a failure I've turned into.
E: Vince...
Vince: No, when we started this, we said when we started this that it will all be about the business not the friendship. It's time for a change, E.
E: [realizes Vince's words] You're firing me?
Vince: 'Cause this isn't working.
E: Whatever, I'm not gonna grovel. Go find someone better, 'Cause I can live with myself knowing I busted my ass and i gave everything I had to you.
Vince: I know you did E, but it wasn't enough.
E: Yeah, fuck you.

[edit] Season 6

[edit] Drive [6.01]

[Lloyd confronts Ari a second time over his promotion prospects.]
Lloyd Lee: Do you have any plan to promote me?
Ari Gold: I haven't even thought about it.
Lloyd: Well you need to.
Ari: Lloyd...
Lloyd: [louder] Ari, promote me, or I'm leaving you!
Ari: Leaving me? [laughs] Where would you go?
Lloyd: To another agency.
Ari: Another agency? Lloyd, you have to start all over again. You know that.
Lloyd: Well, I'll go work for my father.
Ari: What, in the dry cleaners?
Lloyd: My father has a winery in Napa.
Ari: I don't think sodomy is legal in Napa, Lloyd. [laughs with Andrew Klein]
Lloyd: [after short pause] Every time I have broached this subject over the years, you have responded with some wise-ass comment. The time has come, I want to know if this is gonna happen. I want to know when, and I want to know today-
Ari: [stands up during Lloyd's speech] I WILL NOT BE STRONG-ARMED, LLOYD!
Lloyd: You just were, Ari Gold! [walks back to station]
Andrew Klein: Tough queer.

[edit] Amongst Friends [6.02]

[edit] One Car, Two Car, Blue Car, Red Car [6.03]

[edit] Running on E [6.04]

[Turtle is curious about Jamie-Lynn Sigler being tapped for a Five Towns scene with Drama]
Turtle: How many kisses?
Drama: Four...and a sex scene, but it's network, so it's not gonna be too graphic.
Turtle: There's a sex scene now!?

[edit] Fore! [6.05]

[edit] Murphy's Lie [6.06]

[Ari has just reprimanded Lizzie Grant and Andrew Klein over their affair]
Lizzie Grant: I'd like to go back to my desk now. I'd like to do my job.
Ari: Go! [Lizzie leaves] You so much as eye fuck another agent in this building, I will deport you naked to the Taliban.

[edit] No More Drama [6.07]

[edit] The Sorkin Notes [6.08]

[Aaron Sorkin and Ari Gold visit Andrew Klein in jail]
Andrew Klein: Act as if you have faith, and fate shall be given to you.
Ari Gold: This is pathetic.
Aaron Sorkin: He's quoting me. It's the West Wing, the Assassination episode.
Klein: I had more of your quotes. I had a lot of ideas, amazing, brilliant ideas, but I couldn't get into my house. My wife wouldn't let me get them and I blew that chance. I blew my marriage and if I blew this with you, I'd blow my career too.
Ari: I'm sorry, Aaron-[Sorkin gestures him to let Andrew speak]
Klein: I drove into my own house for you Aaron. My own, uninsured, overpriced Beverly Hills motherfucking home. I took my car, and I put it into gear, and I drove it [cracking voice] right into my own goddamn living room...for you. Who else would do that? [cries]
Sorkin: [taps screen] I had a rough divorce too. I get it. [pause] We'll give it a shot.
Klein: Really?
Sorkin: Yeah, but if he [points to Ari] ever calls me, I'm gone. [hangs up and leaves]

[edit] Security Briefs [6.09]

[edit] Berried Alive [6.10]

[Ari is livid that Lloyd resigned and now works for Adam Davies at TMA]
Lloyd: I'm sorry you feel that way, Ari.
Ari Gold: [over the phone] You're sorry, Lloyd?!?! You have NO IDEA how sorry you're going to be. I am going to destroy you, I am going to ERRODE every fiber of your spirit. You no longer exist, you are dead to me, and the town will know that anyone meeting with you, speaking with you, or even NODDING to you on the street will be dead as well. So die, Lloyd. Die, die, DIE! And when you're gagging on Davies' balls, I want you to bite down so he can die too!

[edit] Scared Straight [6.11]

[Ari has a new assistant]
Matt: I got you a blueberry grand muffin from the Belwood Bakery, 'cause I was told it's your favorite. [walks together with Ari]
Ari: It is...[gets muffin from paper bag] except this is cranberry. [Matt is flabbergasted] See the red berries? [shoves muffin and paper bag in Matt's face]
Matt: Um, I asked for blue-
Ari: Did you check?
Matt: No.
Ari: Bye, Matt. [leaves him behind]
Matt: Back to Human Resources.
Ari: Back to the Iowa farmhouse that breastfed you 'til 15!
[Turtle and Jamie-Lynn Sigler argue over the UCLA co-ed who flirted with him and later added him in Facebook]
Turtle: I think you're overreacting.
Jamie-Lynn: [packs up things for her New Zealand assignment] You do? You know how many people requested to be my friend? I didn't accept them all!
Turtle: I didn't want to be rude.
Jamie-Lynn: This is really convenient timing, don't you think?
Turtle: No this is terrible timing, 'cause now you're gonna leave all upset.
Jamie-Lynn: Sorry for your guilt!
Turtle: Jamie please, this is hard enough for me already, could you please trust me and forget about it?
Jamie-Lynn: I know I'm forgetting something.
Turtle: Jamie, you have everything. I looked under your bed, opened every drawer. Just wanna make sure you and I are okay.
Jamie-Lynn: Then delete her!
Turtle: Delete her?
Jamie-Lynn: Yeah! Take her off your friends list.
Turtle: [accesses FB on iPhone and deletes girl] Done. Feel better?
Jamie-Lynn: Not really.
Turtle: Jamie, come on.
Jamie-Lynn: Do you want me to go?
Turtle: No, I don't want you to go! This is gonna be a great opportunity. It's gonna be amazing for you.
Jamie-Lynn: [sits on bed, teary-eyed] You're really going to miss me?
Turtle: Baby, don't cry. I'll be waiting right here for when you get back. [Jamie hugs him]

[edit] Give A Little Bit [6.12]

[Ari and Mrs Ari discuss Terrance's buyout offer with the marriage therapist, and the real reason comes to light after Mrs Ari mentions Terrance, Adam Davies, and Lloyd]
Therapist: Is it true? Do you want to destroy these people, Ari?
Ari: Okay, yes. If could GOUGE OUT Terrance McQuewick's eyeballs and eat them for what he did to me, I would. And I would sell that Benedict Arnold Adam Davies into white slavery if we lived in a place that had a market for it. And LLOYD, that little queen, who I welcomed into my home and allowed to play with my children and care for my dog and who left me for those two scumbags, I would tie him up and allow the entire Screen Actors Guild to anally rape him if not for the fact that I'd know he would enjoy it. I hate them all, and yes, I want to see them destroyed. But that is not why I want this company. I want - no, I need - this company, because it's good business. It's good goddamn business and if I don't buy it, someone else will and that will be very very bad for my business. And my wife, of all people, should know, that when it comes to business, my judgment is never clouded, so please [pleads to Mrs Ari] please support me like you always have, and I will deliver for us, like I always have.
Therapist: So, what do you think?
Mrs Ari: I think it was a good speech.
Therapist: Yeah.
Mrs Ari: Do what you need to do, Ari.
Ari: Really?[Mrs Ari nods] I love you. [Kisses Mrs Ari then to therapist] Can we fuck in here?
[E and Sloan are having a fight on the road about getting back together]
E: Why is it so selfish 'cause I'm tryin' to tell you i wanna be with you?
Sloan: [gets out of car and walks away] Because last time you convinced me it was forever, you took off with your buddies five minutes later!
E: I'm sorry, I was trying to get my business going!
Sloan: You took me for granted.
E: [blocks her] I know!
Sloan: Eric, why are you doing this to me?
E: Because I love you.
Sloan: I will not get lured back into this. I can't trust you! You love to have a girlfriend, but on your terms! You're never gonna be able to commit, not to anyone!
E: That is not true, I will commit to you right now!
Sloan: Eric, STOP!
E: I swear to God, I'm gonna marry you.
Sloan: [sarcastic] You'll marry me?
E: Yes, I'm gonna get into that car right now, drive to Vegas and commit to you for the rest of my life.
Sloan: Really? Have you even thought about this?
E: Yeah. I have, and this time I swear on my life, it'll be forever. [presents engagement ring]

[edit] Season 7

[edit] Stunted [7.01]

[edit] Buzzed [7.02]

[edit] Dramedy [7.03]

[edit] Tequila Sunrise [7.04]

[edit] Bottoms Up [7.05]

[edit] Hair [7.06]

[edit] Tequila and Coke [7.07]

[edit] Sniff Sniff Gang Bang [7.08]

[edit] Porn Scenes from and Italian Restaurant [7.09]

[edit] Lose Yourself [7.10]

[edit] External links

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