Flubber is a 1997 comedy film and a remake of The Absent-Minded Professor (1961), directed by Les Mayfield (who had previously directed another John Hughes scripted remake, Miracle on 34th Street). The film was produced by Walt Disney Pictures.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: I love you with every cell, with every atom. I love you on a subatomic level.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: I was just gonna, you know, grade my lunch, eat a few tests and hope for the best.
- Martha George: [about the excitement of getting married] How do you hold in it?
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: [thinking she meant waste] Well, like everybody else, Ruthie. I just cross my legs real tight.
- Martha George: [gets a little tickled by that answers] I was talking about your excitement.
- Weebo: Maybe you should just go without me.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Why?
- Weebo: Because I get car sick.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Oh, come on. You're not gonna blow chips.
- Weebo: No!
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: You don't have a stomach.
- Weebo: I have a queasy gyro.
- Wilson Croft: What happened between us, Phil?
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Well, I just got tired of you stealing my ideas, Wilson.
- Wilson Croft: I'm not an innovator like you, Phil. I'm an adapter, and to that end, I have profited from your ideas.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Why are you here?
- Wilson Croft: Well, to be honest. I'm here this weekend to steal your fiancée. And make her my wife.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Well, I think you'll be sadly disappointed.
[Smith and Wesson discuss the incident at Brainard's house]
- Chester Hoenicker: All right. One more time, what happened?
- Wesson: He took a golf ball. He rubbed this cream on it and then the golf ball took and...
[Wesson makes a popping sound]
- Wesson: ...popped Smith in the head.
- Smith: Several times.
- Chester Hoenicker: Mm-hmm.
- Wesson: I got hit with a bowling ball.
- Smith: Repeatedly.
- Chester Hoenicker: Were you drinking?
- Wesson: No.
- Smith: Two bears at dinner. Wesson had a white wine.
- Wesson: With dinner.
- Chester Hoenicker: Right.
- Wesson: It's this stuff he's got, sir. It's... I don't know what it is. I don't know where it come from, but...
[Smith and Wesson both sigh and showed Chester Hoenicker their bruises from the balls]
- Wesson: ...It will give you one heck of a headache.
- Chester Hoenicker: Oh... goodness.
[after two of Brainard's balls hit Smash and Wesson while testing the Flubber, the bowling ball knocks the cap off a tank of a compressed gas]
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: [high-pitched voice] This definitely has applications in the field of sports. Ho, ho, ho! Yes!
- Rutland: Hey, are you blind? They're doin' something illegal out there.
- Refree: Coach, nowhere in the rule book does it say anything about jumpin' too high. Now sit down!
- Father: There's not a darn thing to be afraid of, pal. How can anything get in your window? It's closed, okay?
[Flubber crashes through the neighbor's window, bounces around and the boy covers himself in a blanket]
[Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard and Sarah Reynolds are visiting Hoenicker to discuss Flubber]
- Chester Hoenicker: You came to repay your loan?
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: No.
- Chester Hoenicker: I know you didn't. I was just having a little fun.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: I'm here to sell you the Flubber.
- Chester Hoenicker: You been to your house recently?
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Yes.
- Chester Hoenicker: Do I really need to buy it?
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Flubber's a very quixotic substance. It's very difficult to handle. Have you tried to do anything with it?
- Chester Hoenicker: My man is working on it. It won't be a problem.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Well, I could make it a lot easier for you. If you give us a 30 day extension on the loan, I'll tell you everything I know... and make you a great deal of Flubber.
- Chester Hoenicker: I'll give you the 30 days, and after that you give me two years. Whatever you come up with over the next two years is mine.
- Sarah Reynolds: That's not fair.
- Chester Hoenicker: Shop somewhere else, lady.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Sarah. Sarah. I'll do it.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Weebo--I've solved all our problems!
- Weebo: [showing an image of Dumbo on her display screen] I'm all ears.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Flubber is going to the basketball game.
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: [to Sara, before he attempts to fall out the window with the flubber springing him back up] Ta-ta, my love.
[at the end of the movie, Flubber, who was on the flying car with Philip Brainard and Sara, who are now married, lands on a window of an airplane where a little boy looks out]
- Weebette: [to Sara] Mom. Mom. Flubber's gone. [to Flubber] Get back here!
[Flubber returns to Philip Brainard, Sara, and Weebette]
- Weebette: When we get to the hotel, I don't care what you say. I'm not sharing a room with him. Look at him. He's gross. He bounces all the time. He squeaks. He phase-shifts. I mean, he's a quasi-plasmoid. If it's hot in Hawaii, I hope he melts.
- Weebo: Um, Professor? Why the long face?
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: I think you know why.
- Weebo: [Showing a picture of Sarah] Maybe a Sarah issue?
- Professor Philip "Phil" Brainard: Wish I understand human beings. Wish I understand women. Wish I understand emotions and passions. Wish I understand any of that. If I did, I woudn't have had to spend my entire life in a laboratory trying to figure out how the world works. I would've been out in the world trying to figure out why it works. [Weebo records Phillip Brainard on her display screen] I know I love her, Weebo. Every neuron in my limbic system is saturated with phenylethylamine. That triggers euphoria, elation exhilaration. Truth is, Weebo, I'm not absent-minded because I'm selfish, crazy or inconsiderate. I'm absent-minded because I'm in love with Sara.
- Weebo: Oh, Professor.
- Robin Williams as Professor Philip Brainard
- Marcia Gay Harden as Doctor Sara Jean Reynolds
- Christopher McDonald as Wilson Croft
- Ted Levine as Wesson
- Jodi Benson as the voice of Weebo
- Clancy Brown as Smith
- Scott Martin Gershin provided the voice of Flubber
- Raymond J. Barry as Chester Hoenicker
- Wil Wheaton as Bennett Hoenicker
- Edie McClurg as Martha George
- Leslie Stefanson as Sylvia (Weebo's hologram)
- Julie Morrison as the voice of Weebette