Full House was a television sitcom that ran on the American ABC network from 1987 until 1995.
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Season One 
Our Very First Show 
- Danny: Let's go mom, your bags are in the cab, the meter's running.
- Claire: The baby's sleeping like a baby.
- Jesse: (Seeing how small his closet is) Oh, great. I'm in Webster's room.
- D.J.: Rule #1, you never touch my stuff. You should be taking notes. Rule #2, you never set foot on my half of the room.
- Stephanie: How do I get outta here?
- D.J.: Easy, you jump out the window and climb down the tree.
- Stephanie: I don't think so.
- D.J.: Suit yourself.
- Stephanie: I'll find a way out.
Our Very First Night 
- Jesse: Now you can have ice cream and chocolate milk, no cookies.
- Stephanie: Boy are you strict!
The First Day of School 
- Stephanie: Okay, wanna listen to the pledge? I pledge allegience to the flag of some states of America.
- D.J.: Let me tuck you in, very tight.
- Stephanie: And to the public which understands, with God, and Liberty, I'm dead meat!
The Return of Grandma 
- Stephanie: (after Danny, Jesse and Joey have cleaned the house) Grandma Irene, does this mean hell is freezing over?
Sea Cruise 
- Stephanie: That's grandma, we gotta buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz off!
Daddy's Home 
- Joey: Shut up, punk.
Knock Yourself Out 
- Sandman: Lou, you fired.
Jesse's Girl 
- Danny: Hold on, Steph, I'm gonna call the cable company.
- Stephanie: You'll get a busy signal....fix it!
- Jesse: I'm just smiling away like I'm Nancy Reagan.
The Miracle of Thanksgiving 
- Danny: (cuts the turkey) Scratch the white meat. We have dark meat and really dark meat.
Joey's Place 
- Jesse: Don't "huh" me. You waltz in here 25 minutes late and expect sympathy? Ha!
- Danny: I didn't know you...
- Jesse: I have cleaned the house, and washed and ironed your clothes, and ran a daycare center for socially deviant munchkins, and missed Oprah. Ran this one to a ballet lesson, this one to a dentist. No cavities, thank you very much. Do you realize I have slaved over a hot stove so you could have a hot meal when you come home?! Huh?! Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?
- Danny: Jesse, I'm sorry.
- Jesse: "Sorry". "Sorry". "Sorry" doesn't change the fact that my chicken tetrazzini is ruined! Ruined! It's all dried out. But do you have the common courtesy to call to say you're going to be 25 minutes late?! NO! Well, I am not an animal. Oh, my God. What's happening to me? I'm turning into June Cleaver.
The Big Three-O 
- Danny: (To Michelle) What does Mr. Car say?...You're right, he doesn't say anything, because he's dead...
Our Very First Promo 
Sisterly Love 
- Jesse: Now, I bet you're gettin' tired of all that strained baby food, now, I've got you a corned beef sandwich with a big fat kosher pickle, now what do you want on the side, potato salad or coleslaw? Just the pickle, OK.
- Jesse: It's still warm!
Half A Love Story 
A Pox in Our House 
- Joey: Germs take one look at my body and say "Hey- why waste our time?"
- Jesse: Women say the same thing!
- Joey: But I can't have chicken pox, I'm immune.
- Jesse: You're immune to common sense.
But Seriously, Folks 
Danny's Very First Date 
Just One of the Guys 
- Steve: Hey, does anybody else want another pickle?
- DJ: Oh, we're out of pickles.
- Kimmy: I'll get you some, if there are no pickles at my house, I'll take a cab to the market. Bye Stevie!
- Steve: OK, see you later, Kammy!
- DJ: That's Kimmy!
- Kimmy: Hey, if it's Kammy to him, it's Kammy to me!
The Seven-Month Itch (1) 
The Seven-Month Itch (2) 
Mad Money 
D.J. Tanner's Day Off 
Season Two 
Cutting It Close 
- DJ: I can't believe you did that.
Danny: Breakfast is ready. We're having pan... (sees Jesse's hair) ...cuts
Joey: (upon seeing Jesse's new haircut) You went from Eddie Van Halen to Pee-Wee Van Herman.
Beach Boy Bingo 
- The Beach Boys: Ba ba ba... Barbara Ann.
DJ: Ba ba ba... Barbara Ann.
The Beach Boys: Oh, Barbara Ann, take my hand. Barbara Ann, you got me rockin' and a rollin'. Rockin' and a reelin'.
Stephanie: Ba ba ba ba ba ba.
Danny: I am stoked! Whatever that means.
Joey Gets Tough 
- Danny: You watch Wake Up San Francisco because it's nice, and easy. Well this morning, I had a little too much coffee, so we're gonna do it nice... and rough.
A Little Romance 
- Nick: (to Rebecca after she paid seventeen hundred dollars for Jesse in a date auction.) You know you could've had him for free.
Fogged In 
- Jesse: (while recording the song "The Locomotion") What are you doing?
- DJ: The Locomotion.
- Jesse: Where'd you get this tape?
- DJ: It was in there!
- Jesse: Oh, no. Please tell me you didn't tape over my "Casa De Pancakes" jingle!
- (The tape was recorded by DJ and Kimmy)
- Tape: (at the end of the tape) Casa de Pancakes, Ole!
- Jesse: I can't believe it! It's gone! You guys destroyed it! Now I'm gonna have to do the whole thing over again!
- Kimmy: Not the whole thing. You still got "Casa de Pancakes, Ole!".
- Jesse: Now, DJ, this is my room, and you have no right being in here without my permission.
- DJ: But...
- Jesse: I don't want to hear any buts!
- DJ: But it was an accident..
- Jesse: What did I just say?! Now how much is just to check a tape before you record over it?! I want you guys both get out of here before I get mad!
- Kimmy: Before?
- DJ: Look. I'm really sorry. It was an accident. But you don't have to worry, 'cause I'm never gonna come into this room again. (She and Kimmy leave the room)
Little Shop of Sweaters 
- Shop Owner: Do you girls realize that shoplifting is a serious crime?
- DJ & Stephanie: Yes.
- Shop Owner: I'm going to have to call your parents.
- DJ & Stephanie: Okay sir, we're sorry.
Pal Joey 
- Young Jesse: Hey! One at a time!
- Sheldon: There's the kid who was picking on me!
- Miss Borland: That's it, I'm calling your parents!
- Young Joey: But...
- Young Danny: Wait, Miss Borland. That boy's lying, Joseph has been a perfect angel.
- Sheldon: Tanner's the liar!
- Miss Borland: That's not possible! Daniel Tanner's never been into trouble a day in his life. Let's you and I visit the principal, Sheldon.
- Young Joey & Young Danny: Sheldon?
- Sheldon: (Looking at Young Joey & Young Danny)
- Young Joey: Thanks man, you saved my life!
Baby Love 
- Rebecca: Dustin? You would name our child Dustin?
- Jesse: Yeah, you got a better name?
- Rebecca: I sure do... Emily.
- Jesse: No son of ours is gonna be named Emily.
- Rebecca: Our daughter's name is Emily. Our son's name is Prescott.
- Jesse: Prescott? You might as well name him Emily. Our son is gonna be called Dustin.
- Rebecca: Prescott.
- Jesse: Dustin!
- Rebecca: Prescott!
- Jesse: Dust... When did we have a kid?
- Rebecca: Well, we better get going. You don't wanna miss your plane.
- Connie: You're right, it might accidentally take off on time. Come on, Howie, wake up. It's time to go.
- Michelle: Howie, no go.
- Danny: Howie, yes go. Howie go back home.
- Michelle: Me go.
- Danny: [imitates an Indian] No, little Kemo Sabe. No can go to Nebraska. Take many moons.
El Problema Grande de D.J. 
- Linda: Hasta luego.
- Danny: Ah... El Pollo Loco!
- DJ: Dad, you got to do something; listen to my report card. It's so unfair! A-A-A-A-A-A...
- Joey: How dare they! This is an outrage!
- DJ: Listen to my Spanish grade-D
- Danny: A D in Spanish?
- Joey: Que pasa?
- DJ: Huh?
I'm There For You, Babe 
- DJ: You have the brain of a paramecium.
- Stephanie: If I have the brain of a paramecium, then you have the brain of just one mecium.
- DJ: (to Jesse) There really is no way to beat her, is there?
Season Three 
Tanner's Island 
- Jesse: I'm not trying to catch the boat. I'm trying to catch Danny. (Catches up to Danny) I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk to you. How does one lose a boat?
- Danny: The rope must've slipped off the rope-thingy.
- Jesse: The rope-thingy... Skipper?
Back To School Blues 
- Michelle: Wait for me, I go too!
- Joey: Hold on there, you little Sesame Streaker. You don't start nursery school 'til next year.
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do 
Nerd For A Day 
Granny Tanny 
Star Search 
- Jesse: Joseph, you've been in toon-town for 2 days. Now, start act like a human being.
And They Call It Puppy Love 
- Michelle: Ah, nuts!
Divorce Court 
- Rebecca: (Jesse, Danny and Joey are competing against each other in a race, which Becky is filming for their show) For those of you who think you're watching a slow-motion replay, do not be fooled. They are actually moving at this speed.
- DJ: I'm older.
- Stephanie: I'm younger.
- DJ: I'm taller.
- Stephanie: I'm shorter.
- DJ: I'm smarter.
- Stephanie: I'm... not falling for that.
Dr. Dare Rides Again 
- Pete: Goodbye, filth ball!
The Greatest Birthday on Earth 
Joey & Stacy and... Oh, Yeah, Jesse 
- Joey: [Right after kissing Stacy] Ay chihuahua!
- Jesse: Ay chihuahua?
- Joey: I could've said, "Have mercy!" but it felt more like an, "Ay chihuahua!"
No More Mr. Dumb Guy 
Misadventures in Baby-Sitting 
- Brian: Oh no! Not Kimmy Gobbler!
[back at the house, Danny, Steve, Jesse, Joey and Paul are still playing poker, while Steve keeps smoking his cigarette]
- Steve: Is my cigarette bothering you?
- Danny: Oh no, man. It's a poker game. You're supposed to stink.
- Steve: [squishes his cigarette away] This is the last cigarette of the evening.
- Danny: What a shame. [Steve starts smoking a cigar] Oh, here's a refreshing new smell. [Steve blows some smoke]
Lust in the Dust 
Bye Bye, Birdie 
- Michelle: Hi, Dave, you're a pretty bird!
- Miss Petrie: Ready for a story boys and girls?
- Michelle: Come on, it's story time!
- Aaron: Miss Petrie, Dave flew out the window, Michelle did it.
- Miss Petrie: Well, it was just an accident, I'm sure Michelle didn't mean to do it.
- Michelle: I'm sorry, I'm a bad girl!
- Aaron: A very bad girl!
13 Candles 
- Stephanie: [alarm clock goes off] What time is it?
- D.J.: It's 3:47. I was born on this day at exactly 3:48.
- Stephanie: You have an excellent memory.
- D.J.: (gets out of bed and looks at watch) 3, 2, 1, yes. (looks in mirror) I am now officially a teenager.
- Stephanie: Well, pin a rose on your nose!
- D.J.: I gotta rest up for my party tonight. Oh, and don't forget, you're not invited.
- Stephanie: I liked you better when you were a kid.
- D.J.: Well, those days are over. You are now sharing a room with a sophisticated, mature young woman. (gets into bed) I'M 13! (bounces in bed)
- Kimmy: D.J., what are you doing dancing with Elliott? You should be dancing with Kevin Guin.
- D.J.: I would, but Kevin didn't ask me.
- Kimmy: Then ask him. It's very simple, watch. (Turns to Bitterman) Hey, Bitterman, you wanna dance?
- Bitterman: Sure, why not?
- Kimmy: Maybe later. I'm busy.
- Jake & Kimmy (after they kiss): Whoa, baby!
Mr. Egghead 
- Michelle: Joey broke Stephanie's nose.
- Danny: [to Joey] You broke Stephanie's nose?!
Those Better Not Be Those Days 
(Danny, Jesse and Joey look into the future and see that Stephanie, DJ and Michelle are adults and still living at home)
- Adult Kimmy: (Walks in) Hola, Tanneritos!
- Jesse: Kimmy Gibbler! Oh, my God!
- Adult Kimmy: Eat your hearts out, boys. (Smirks) Too bad you weren't nicer to me when I was a kid.
- Jesse: That was so depressing.
- Joey: Yeah. Can you imagine the girls still living here?
- Jesse: No, not that - my hair.
Honey, I Broke The House 
(when there was a car in the kitchen)
- Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen!
- DJ & Kimmy: WHOA BABY!!
- DJ: There's a car in the kitchen!
- Michelle: I told you so.
- DJ: Michelle, do you know how Joey's car got in here?
- Michelle: Yes, I do!
- DJ: How?
- Michelle: Through the window!
- Danny: Joey, are you all right? You had us worried sick!
- Joey: Danny, I'm fine.
- Danny: In that case, you're in big trouble, mister!
- Stephanie: I dru--- I dru--- I dru---
- Rebecca: You dropped something? Did something break?
- (Joey leans on car, sobbing.)
- Michelle: Don't cry. Be a big boy.
- Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen!
Just Say No Way 
(Kevin, Paul and Sam are in the hallway, drinking beer. DJ comes by)
- DJ: Kevin.
- Kevin: Hey, DJ.
- DJ: What are you doing out here?
- Kevin: Just hanging out.
- Paul: The dance was lame, so we started our own party. (DJ sees Kevin holding a beer can)
- DJ: (shocked) You're drinking beer!
- Kevin: Yeah. Tastes horrible. Want some?
- DJ: No, I don't want some. You guys aren't supposed to be drinking beer.
- Paul: (while shaking the can) Big deal! We're just having some fun. Try it! (He sprays DJ with it)
- DJ: (gasps in shock) Cut it out!
- Kevin: (furious at Paul) You didn't have to do that! (to DJ) I'm sorry, DJ. I'll go get some paper towels. (He goes to the bathroom)
- DJ: Why don't you guys just get out of here?
- Paul: You are so uncool!
- DJ: Oh, and you think you're cool? (She takes his beer and paraphrases Paul's line in a mock voice, while Jesse sneaks behind the doors at that moment) "The dance was lame. Now we're having a party."
- Paul: Forget it, DJ. We don't want any beer.
- Sam: Yeah, we're only 13. (They run away. Jesse walks up to DJ and is not happy at this)
- Jesse: DJ Tanner!
- DJ: Uncle Jesse.
- Jesse: You're in big, big trouble, young lady. (DJ sighs)
Three Men and Another Baby 
- Jesse: (about the baby they're watching) You see cute, I see smelly diapers.
Fraternity Reunion 
(after the TV fell off the banister)
- Danny: What? Why? How? Who?!
- Michelle: Daddy's a girl.
- Stephanie: No, he's a woman.
- Kimmy: An ugly woman.
Our Very First Telethon 
- Danny: I close my eyes for two seconds and it's a Kimmy Gibbler telethon.
- Joey: Danny, you've been out for four hours.
- Danny: (checks his watch) Four hours. Why didn't anyone wake me? Oh no, I'm ruined, I ruined the telethon, my career is over...
- Rebecca: Danny, we're still on the air.
- Danny: (to camera) That concludes the dramatic portion of our show
Season Four 
Greek Week 
- DJ: Oh Mylanta.
- Iorgos: He gives her the flowers, they dance around the table and... that's what it's all about!
- Danny: That's not a wedding. That's the hokey pokey!
- Jesse and DJ: WHOA, BABY!
Crimes and Michelle's Demeanor 
- Michelle: Can I watch Arsenio?
- Danny: What do you think?
- Michelle: I think it's time for bed.
- Danny: That's right. It's time for bed. To bed, I said.
- Michelle: Daddy, am I still your little princess?
- Danny: Oh, you got it, dude.
- Danny: (after reading Dr. Seuss, Michelle is refusing to go to sleep) Don't shake your head. Your story's read. It's time for bed. To bed, I said.
- Jesse: Danny, you really gotta lay off the Seuss.
Good News, Bad News 
[after catching Danny dancing disco to "Shake Your Booty" in his old platform shoes]
- Jesse: Now I know why disco died.
- Jesse: (reading from newspaper) Rebecca Donaldson, award-winning journalist and host of 'Wake Up, San Francisco' to wed JERSEY KATSOPOLIS?
- Danny: Jersey Katsopolis. Sounds like a Greek cow.
A Pinch For A Pinch 
- Michelle: Uncle Jesse, Aaron stole my camel!
- Jesse: That's not right, take his cookie. If somebody does this to you, do it back.
- Aaron: Hey, you stole my elephant!
- Michelle: It's in my tummy now. He, he, he!
- Michelle: I saw lions and tigers and bears.
- Danny: Oh my.
- Danny: Michelle is getting an academic foundation that's going to carry her through grades K through 12, through college, through Harvard Law School. Jess, you have robbed our nation of one of the finest legal minds the Supreme Court has ever known.
- Michelle: I gotta go potty.
Viva Las Joey 
- Michelle: (When Joey was going to open for Wayne Newton in Las Vegas) Joey's opening a Fig Newton in Vegas!
Shape Up 
Michelle: [When the family has arrived at the gym to work out and Jesse was holding Michelle, to a bodybuilder] Hey, mister, you are very lumpy.
Man: (angry look)
Jesse: Heh, heh kids. Hey, thats her father over there. (Points to Danny and runs away)
Happy New Year 
- Danny: All right, DJ, see you next year.
Stephanie Gets Framed 
- Jesse: Steve... Steve, Steve-o. I can't help but notice that you walk like you still have the hanger in your shirt.
- Steve: Oh, well, thank you.
- Jesse: You're welcome. Steve, I'd like to help you because, uh, quite frankly, you need help. See, when you're walking, you gotta kinda be loose, man, like let it be cool. (starts to slowly bounce) That's it. Loosen up, be very fluid. Be very fluid-y. That's it! Now... once you get it going, you shift the weight and you go. (starts walking) And it's a strut, and it's cool, and it's a strut, and it's cool. See? Like that?
- Steve: Very inspiring. (tries to walk, but instead of a strut, he walks sideways on his toes bouncing highly)
- Jesse: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, uh, that's close.
- Steve: Really? Well, oh. Well, that was a walk on the wild side. But, you should try it with your elbows out. It's much better for circulation.
- Jesse: Oh, really? Like this? (sticks elbow out)
- Steve: Yeah. (Jesse starts to walk) You're doing fine!
- Jesse: You, know? I do feel the blood flowing better.
- Steve: Yeah.
- Jesse: It's very - WHAT AM I DOING?
- Steve: Well, here's another fun way to kill time. Let's share a life story. I'll go first. I was born on a cold night in Chicago, 1976, the year of America's bicenntinal. My mom was in a great deal of pain and I was charging through! And -
- Jesse: Uh, I think I hear the girls in the kitchen. Why, don't you just go and... yeah. Right in the kitchen area.
- Steve: Thanks! [enters the kitchen] Oh, ladies?
- [he, D.J., and Julie shout inside the kitchen]
A Fish Called Martin 
- DJ: (getting ready to square dance) I hate to get technical but we formed a triangle.
- Rebecca: It will be much more square when my parents get here.
- Jesse: You ain't kidding.
- Rebecca: What?
- Jesse: Oh, I said... I'll do your bidding.
- Rebecca: That's all I ask.
The Wedding (2) 
- Stephanie: The Making of a Wedding, the saga continues. The groom is now 25 minutes late, and here's the man who let him jump out of a plane on his wedding day, Joey Gladstone. Joey, how do you feel right now?
- Joey: Sad, hurt, angry, bitter, scared, used, and I'm pretty hungry. I forgot to eat breakfast.
- Stephanie: Poor Joey, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And here's Becky with her loving family. Any words for Uncle Jesse?
- Rebecca: Darling, I just hope you're all right. But if you are all right, I'll kill you.
- Michelle: [as the flower girl] Stop the wedding!
- Danny: Michelle, what's wrong?
- Michelle: I ran out of flowers. I'm sorry.
- Danny: Michelle, it's not your fault you ran outta flowers. The problem is the church is much too long.
Season Five 
Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Girl Gone? 
- Michelle: (Walking down stairs and sees bags of chips Jesse got for Becky) Wow! A million bags of chips and no one's in the room?
Happy Birthday Babies (1) 
- Michelle: Is it almost time for my party?
- Becky: You're still two and a half hours still.
- Michelle: How long is that?
- Jesse: 2 Sesame Streets and a Mister Rogers.
- Michelle: I'll never make it.
- Danny: Am I the raddest, baddest dad a kid ever had?
- DJ: You were until you said that.
- Davey: Stephanie, I'm sorry. I gotta go home for dinner.
- Stephanie: Hey, if you quit, you forfeit, Chu-meister. Dad, next word, please.
- Danny: This is gonna be the last word. "Sarsaparilla".
- Stephanie: Sarsaparilla. S-A-S-P-A-R-I-L-L-A. Sarsaparilla.
- Danny: I'm sorry, Steph.
- Stephanie: Why?
- Davey: Because it's: Sarsaparilla. S-A-R-S-A-P-A-R-I-L-L-A. Sarsaparilla.
- Danny: (looks it up) Man, that's right. You really are the human dictionary.
- Stephanie: Now, there's a silent "R"? I hate this language!
- [Danny teaches Michelle to read using his own method]
- Danny: "A" is for Ajax, "B" is for Brillo, "C" is for Clorox, "D" is for Drano.
The Devil Made Me Do It 
- Stephanie: Kimmy, you're so dumb you don't even know how dumb you are.
- Kimmy: You're the one who's dumb. Capital D-U-M!
- D.J.: Kimmy, there's a "B".
- Kimmy: Where?!
Girls Will Be Boys 
- Aaron: Let's play superhero.
- Teddy: I'll be Batman!
- Aaron: I'll be Superman!
- Michelle: I'll be the Little Mermaid.
- Aaron: That's not a superhero. That's a fish.
- Rebecca: How about if Michelle is Wonder Woman?
- Aaron: That's impossible. She doesn't have black hair.
- Rebecca: What was I thinking?
- Teddy: You can be Superman's mother.
- Michelle: What does Superman's mother do?
- Teddy: She lays out Superman's pajamas.
Captain Video (1) 
(Mike Love and Bruce Johnston of The Beach Boys visit; Jesse enters with his hair wrapped in cellophane for dying)
- Jesse: Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho, the Beach Boys!
- Mike: Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho, Miss Clairol!
- Jesse: Dr. Love, how ya doin'? Bruce, how ya doin'? Heh heh, I've got my hair in a... heh heh, heh heh... (aside to Becky, annoyed) Thanks for the warning.
- Rebecca: Well, how was I supposed to know you'd be dying your hair - why are you dying your hair?
- Jesse: Because I'm worth it.
Season Six 
Come Fly With Me 
- Flight Attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to flight 40, we should be arriving at our destination... Auckland, New Zealand, in 14 hours.
- Stephanie: Auckland, New Zealand?
- Michelle: 14 hours?
- Stephanie & Michelle: Aaah!!
The Long Goodbye 
- Mrs. Knotts: Michelle, very good printing, but is there something missing from your letter I's?
- Michelle: I save the dots for last.
- Mrs. Knotts: I do too.
- Michelle: Teddy, wanna dot my I's?
- Teddy: Oooh! That's my favorite thing!
- Mrs. Knotts: Boys and girls if you thought dotting I's was fun, you're gonna love, crossing T's!
- Denise: Excuse me!
- Mrs. Knotts: Everyone, say hello to Denise!
- Kids: Hello, Denise!
- Mrs. Knotts: She's joining us from Mrs. Harris's class! (To Denise) Denise, why don't you take that empty seat there next to Michelle!
- Denise: Hi, Michelle!
- Michelle: Hi!
- Denise: Do you wanna trade lunches?
- Michelle: No thank you.
- Denise: I've got a bologna sandwich!
- Michelle: I have tuna, I don't think that goes with bologna!
- Denise: I've got potato chips!
- Michelle: What kind?
- Denise: Sour cream and onion!
- Michelle: Really!
- Denise: Sure! Why would lie about potato chips?
- Michelle: Sour cream and onion is my favorite!
- Denise: Me too!
- Michelle: The taste stays on the tongue for a really long time!
- Denise: Yeah, sometimes when my mommy kisses me, she says, "Ew! What have you been eating!"
- Mrs. Knotts: Shh!
- Denise & Michelle: Shh!
- Michelle: I'm making T's wanna cross mine?
- Denise: Cool!
The Play's The Thing 
- Derek (acted by Blake McIver Ewing): Uh, excuse me, I didn't have a chance to try out
A Very Tanner Christmas 
- Rebecca: Jesse, this is not snow, this is gunk, from a can!
- Kimmy: (attempting to get some mistletoe kisses) Come on, don't be shy.
- Comet: (Comes running in and starts licking Kimmy)
- Kimmy: Miles, you animal.
Subterranean Graduation Blues 
- Michelle: Excuse me sir, littering is bad for the Earth!
The House Meets The Mouse (1) 
- DJ: Stephanie, she's just a little kid.
- Stephanie Yeah, and Chucky was just a doll.
The House Meets The Mouse (2) 
- Danny: Sounds like you were trying to be the boss.
- Michelle: The princess is the boss.
- Danny: Bruce Springsteen is the boss.
Season Seven 
Tough Love 
The Last Dance 
Jesse: Papouli, you remember Rebecca.
Papouli: Who could forget Rebecca?!
Michelle: I bet you could.
Kissing Cousins 
A Date with Fate 
A House Divided 
Season Eight 
- Rebecca: I'm guessing they're no mints on the pillows.
- Jesse: No, but there's a Lifesaver stuck to the lamp shade.
Comet's Wild Adventure 
- Danny: I've just been notified that our family dog Comet is missing.
- Stephanie: (runs up to Danny) Dad, Comet is missing.
- Danny: I've just been notified again.
Making Out Is Hard To Do 
- Danny: Do you have any idea what your daughter's been up to?
- Claire: Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?
- Danny: When children seem the least lovable, it means they need love the most.
- Claire: Do you always talk like a fortune cookie?
- Danny: Actually, it was the Thought for the Day on my Ziggy desk calendar.
- Danny: Steph, let me put it this way. Before it can soar like an eagle, the young baby bird must stumble and fall, and spend two whole weeks grounded in the nest with no TV.
- Stephanie: Hey, is that from your Ziggy calendar?
- Danny: No, but I'm thinking of submitting it.
On The Road Again 
Breaking Away 
All Stood Up 
- Stephanie: Listen, we kind of got off on the wrong foot, actually, we didn't off on any foot. Do you think we could start over?
- Ryan: I'd like that. I'm Ryan, want to go get some pizza?
- Stephanie: Yeah, OK. But it's on me. Dad?
- Danny: Here's twenty grand, your inheritance. Bye, have fun.
(Ryan and Stephanie leave, then Stephanie comes back in and hugs Danny)
- Danny: What's this for?
- Stephanie: For being an involved, loving father, who sticks up for his daughter.
- Danny: Thanks, honey.
- Stephanie: But don't ever do it again!
Michelle Rides Again (1) 
Michelle Rides Again (2) 
(final quotes of the series)
- Michelle: How out of it was I?
- Jesse: Oh, pretty out of it. I mean, you were here, sweetheart, but it was like part of you was missing. It sure was like part of all of us was missing. But, we stuck it out and we got it through.
- Joey: Just like we always do.
- Danny: Just like we always will.
- Jesse: Have mercy!
- Jesse: Talk to me. (His telephone greeting)
- Jesse: Not the hair!
- Joey: Cut it out! (accompanied by hand motions)
- D.J.: Oh, Mylanta!
- Stephanie: Well, pin a rose on your nose.
- Stephanie: How rude.
- Michelle: Aw, nuts!
- Michelle: You got it, dude.
- Michelle: You're in big trouble, mister!
- Michelle: No way, José.
- Michelle: Don't call me Squirt.
- Michelle: Oh, please!
- Michelle: DUH!