- To appreciate nonsense requires a serious interest in life.
- From the essay The Sense of Humor first published in The Romance of the Commonplace (1902)
- there are no roads in all Bohemia !
- From the essay Where is Bohemia? in The Romance of the Commonplace (1902)
- A woman and a mouse, they carry a tale wherever they go.
- Gelett Burgess, The Maxims of Methuselah (1907)
The Purple Cow (1895) 
- I never saw a purple cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I'd rather see than be one!
Confession (1897) 
- Ah, yes, I wrote the "Purple Cow"—
I'm Sorry, now, I wrote it;
But I can tell you Anyhow
I'll Kill you if you Quote it!
- Poem Confession: and a Portrait Too, Upon a Background that I Rue (1897)
- Reacting to the many parodies of his poem