Gilmore Girls/Season 7

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Gilmore Girls (2000–2007) is a dramatic television show, created by Amy Sherman-Palladino, centering around the relationship between a single mother and her daughter in a small Connecticut town.

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Season 7[edit]

The Long Morrow[edit]

Paris: She's got a C-Average which means she's either lazy or stupid. I can work with either. Frankly stupid's sometimes easier, I can scare the stupid out of you but the lazy runs deep.

Paris: I dunno. Wealthy, good looking, hedonistic heir to a billion dollar multi-national media conglomorate moves to London and is spending his nights pining away for his college girlfriend? Who's watching that movie?

Rory: Paris, it's okay. Logan and I are fine.
Paris: He moved to London, Rory. The most romantic city in the world.
Rory: Paris is the most romantic city in the world.
Paris: Oh right, London is just the most sex-obsessed.

Luke: Hell, you were going so fast-
Lorelai: Yeah, that's me! I'm fast...I'm the perfect storm of caffeine and genetics. Ha!

[Sookie has just beaten Michel in an arm wrestling match as Lorelai walk in and silently pours herself a cup of coffee.]
Sookie: We are the champions - my friends And we'll keep on fighting - till the end - We are the champions - We are the champions! No time for losers... Oh! I'm a fantastic arm wrestler. You know what I think did it? Whisking! All these years of whisking has given me incredible forearm strength. People are always like why take the time to handwhip fresh cream? And I've always been like I don't know why I do it, it's just something I do. But now I know , because I've been training for this day. I mean, Wow! I am strong. And the omelette flipping definitely is part of it. You know when you use one of those really heavy cast iron skillets and you 'flip, flip.' I mean, that's all in the wrist you know? And that's what they say, you know, that's what people say about arm wrestling too, that it's all in the wrist, and Man I have super bionic super power super wrists! I mean who knew I posessed such...Honey? Something's wrong huh?
Lorelai: Yeah.

Customer: Luke, I asked for these eggs scrambled and they're sunny-side up.
[Luke takes a fork and mashes the eggs up on the plate to "scramble" them.]
Luke: There ya go!

Luke: Okay, whatever you're doing, stop.
Taylor: Now that's rather cynical, who's to say I'm not doing something here that will surprise and delight you?
Luke: Are you?
Taylor: I highly doubt it.

Lorelai: [About Rory] Aren't you the sweetest, isn't she the sweetest Michel?
Michel: Mmm...Beyond all human understanding.

Rory: Well, you know, I guess we don't have to talk about...stuff. Yeah..
Lorelai: Who say we always have to be talking? We can not talk!
Rory: Course We can.
[The two pause for a moment]
Lorelai: Okay, we should probably talk about how we're not gonna talk cuz I don't think we should just go right into it.

Rory: You wanna run cross country?
Lorelai: Not across the whole country. Maybe just Michigan.

Rory: Hey, maybe it's code, like, I'm his Rock-Et, right, like I'm his Rock-E.T. I'm his Rock in the Eastern Time Zone!
Lorelai: [softly] That's dumb.
Rory: Yeah like rocket gum is sweeping the nation.
Lorelai: When I have made 1 Zillion dollars from my rocket gum invention you will eat those words! Or rather you will chew those words and blow a bubble with them.

Rory: I think you should put something on it.
Lorelai: Concealer and loose powder?
Rory: Ice.
Lorelai: So boring. Neosporin and an eye patch? Or Bactene. Bacitracin. Hydrogen peroxide. Winnie the Pooh Band-Aids?

[Lorelai is developing a black eye after getting hit while she and Rory were "raquetballing".]
Lorelai: Steak!
Rory: Huh?
Lorelai: Steak is supposed to be good for a black eye.
Rory: Frozen Peas!
Lorelai: Why would I put peas in my eye?
Rory: No! Like a bag of frozen peas, it molds to the contour of your face.
Lorelai: But steak has actual healing properties, something about the juices or the fats. It's good for the skin.

Lorelai: This pile is Lukes stuff. This pile is stuff that reminds me of Luke.
Rory: What's that pile?
Lorelai: That's Babette's intimates.
Rory: Oh. Of course.

That's What You Get, Folks, for Makin' Whoopee[edit]

[Lorelai is rambling to Rory about her sleepless night.]
Lorelai: I mean, how would I pass the time until my one and only offspring, the fruit of my loins…
Rory: Too early.
Lorelai: … loin-fruit that she is, straggled out of bed to grace me with her presence? But then I asked myself, "WWTBFCD?", and it came to me in a flash: I'm gonna make waffles!
Rory: "What would the Barefoot Contessa do?".
Lorelai: Exactly.
Rory: Barefoot's one word.
Lorelai: Shut up, loin-fruit.

[Rory shows Lorelai her massive stack of materials for her cancelled Asia trip.]
Lorelai: Wow! Were you planning on visiting Asia, or invading it?

[Luke argues with Kirk at the latter's makeshift outdoor diner.]
Luke: You're gonna sue me, after you crash a car into my diner and bust a giant hole in my wall?!
Kirk: For all you know, I could have brain damage.
Luke: Oh, I'm pretty sure you do.

[Rory returns home to find the house lavishly decorated in an Oriental theme.]
Rory: I see you feng-shui'ed the furniture.
Lorelai: It was so un-feng-shui'ed before, it was ridiculous! Here — to document our journey.
[She hands Rory a camera.]
Rory: Xie-xie![N]
Lorelai: Oh! God bless you.
Rory: That's "thank you" in Mandarin.[1]

[Rory finds Lane laying against her bed, still recovering from her Mexican honeymoon fiasco.]
Rory: Lane? Are you okay? Did the doctor say you have a parasite?
Lane: In a manner of speaking. [sighs] I'm pregnant.
. . .
Rory: You only did it one time, and — wow! — a baby!
Lane: That's what ya get, folks, for makin' whoopee!
. . .
[Rory tries to reassure Lane.]
Rory: And, already, you are way ahead of a lot of people as far as parenting skills go. Like, Britney? Britney Spears does not know which end of a baby goes up. And Courtney Love? She's no June Cleaver.
Lane: Yeah. I bet I could be a better mother than Courtney Love.
Rory: My sock drawer could be a better mother than Courtney Love. But, yes! Of course you would be. And, Michael Jackson? You know not to name a child "Blanket".
Lane: I do know that. Do not name your baby after an inanimate object.

Lane:I wonder if Blanket ever met Tom and Katie's baby, Pillow?
Rory: Yea that would be a perfect playmate.
Lane: When it's naptime they'd be totally set.
Rory: And then they could invite Gwenyth's Apple over for a little snack.
Lane: Banjo, Rachel Griffiths' baby could play for them
Rory: And then they could all jump into Mia Farrow's Satchel and make fun of...what's his face.
Lane: Oh Pilot Inspektor Lee!

Lorelai's First Cotillion[edit]

[about telling the Gilmores about Luke and Lorelai breaking up]
Rory: Well just tell them real quick. Like ripping a band-aid off.
Lorelai: Ripping a band-aid off that's been super glued, stapled, and surgically imbedded in my arm.
Rory: Just tell them and we can move on. We can talk about more pleasant things like the Middle East.

Charlotte: Can I offer anyone a cocktail?
Lorelai: Uh, ok. Is that legal?

Lorelai: Why is she taking our coats and pouring us drinks? Did you win her in a poker game?

Lorelai: So, nothing for you. Are you driving tonight?
Charlotte: Lorelai, I'm only ten.

[Lorelai breaking a pop-tart into several small pieces]
Rory: Are you enjoying your breakfast?
Lorelai: I don't know if I like pop-tarts.
Rory: Did you fall on your head while you were sleeping?
Lorelai: I don't know. Do I like this? Is this something that I like?
Rory: So you fell on your head and now you have some kind of very specific amnesia is that it?

Lorelai: What if I don't wanna do what I wanna do because I wanna do it, but because they don't want me to?
Rory: Huh?
Lorelai: I mean what if I don't like what I like because I like it but because my mother doesn't like it. And doesn't want me to like it.

Lane: He's got better stuff than that. That's not why they banned his books.
Rory: I'm not going to write, "Our hands grope frantically for the burning flesh."

Lane: Oh and did I mention the extra hair that might grow on my chin? I can't wait for that magic.

Christopher: I love you. I know the other night didn't mean for you what it did for me. But I don't regret it and I haven't stopped thinking about it since it happened. Not just because it was great which it was. But because it was right. It was so right Lore and you may not see that right now but I do. And if I have to wait until we're both 80 years old for you to see it then I'll wait. I'm not going anywhere. This is it for me. You're it for me. I can't pretend to feel any less for you than I do. I'm sorry. I just can't.

S'Wonderful, S'Marvelous[edit]

Lorelai: No! No! A movie should not just be its title. Driving Miss Daisy didn't all take place in the car! Dances with Wolves wasn't one long wolf dance. But this was nothing but snakes! Snakes! Snakes! Snakes on a plane! Relentless snakes on a plane!

Lorelai: We should divy up the candy....
Lorelai: Half the Milk Duds. Sour Patch Kids...mmm a third. Twizzlers's we got about five, four and three quarters. You pick.
Christopher: Twizzlers.
Lorelai: Anything but the Twizzlers.

Lorelai: Did he talk about my sparking eyes and my glossy raven hair?
Rory: Look I'm not going to pass notes between you guys.
Lorelai: What if Emily Post says that's part of the appropriate protocol?
Rory: If you can get it in writing from the ghost of Emily Post, then I will pass as many notes as you want....I just want you to be careful.
Lorelai: Is this the sex talk? Because even if the ghost of Emily Post says it's ok. It is just plain weird.

Sookie: Ok its you know, after breaking up out of a big relationship it's normal to have a rebound thing. A big bouncy rubber ball of a rebound thing. It's good...
Lorelai: But?
Sookie: But. A rubber ball is a 28 yr old surfer, or a jazz saxophonist who drives a VW bus, or a really cute guy that can't even spell his last name. It's not the father of your only child. Christopher is not your rubber ball. He's a big heavy bowling ball!

Lorelai: [in disbelief] We have to go. We have to pick up my mother. From jail.
Christopher: [laughs] Your mother's in jail?
Lorelai: Ohhhh, this night keeps getting better and better.

[Lorelai and Christopher at the jail to pick up Emily]
Lorelai: Am I smiling too much?
Christopher: You're smiling a lot
Lorelai: Alright I'll try to bring it down a notch.

The Great Stink[edit]

Rory: And did you hear what she called us? 'Adorable.' She called us 'adorable' couple
Logan: Wait she said that out loud?
Rory: Yes. 'Adorable.'
Logan: Wow, you want me to go back there and kick her ass?
Rory: 'Adorable is what you say about a Full House re-run. Its not what you say about something that last. The Great Wall of China, the Pyramids...no one called them 'adorable.'

Lorelai: Ok. Toothbrush. Hairbrush. Chenille blanket. Comfort shoes...
Christopher: Those are your comfort shoes?
Lorelai: Not mine. Paul Anka's.
Christopher: We're staying in tonight. You can probably get away with flats.
Lorelai: He loves loves loves chewing on these. They remind him of a squirrel carcass!
Christopher: Yummy.
Lorelai: Don't judge. You eat jerky like its going out of style.
Christopher: So...all this stuff is for Paul Anka?
Lorelai: No not all. The toothbrush is mine.

[Lorelai pressing the remote buttons for the TiVo]
Lorelai: Not killing it. I'm composing on it. I'm composing a symphony. Finally an instrument I can play!
Christopher: Gimme that.
Lorelai: No. Not until you explain your choices. The View? Girlfriends? Sabado Gigante? Who controlls this thing, You? or Pedro Almodóvar?

Lorelai: Wow how Dangerous Liasons of her. She doesn't call, or e-mail and then she sends you a letter with a wax seal that weighs roughly the same as a porterhouse?...Gosh that's a lot of "sorry."
Christopher: I don't know if its the yoga...or the yoga instructor...she's dating her yoga instructor, Jean Claude or Jean Pierre...I dunno one of those names that always sounds fake.

Lorelai: Hello.
Rory: Hey, What’s going on?
Lorelai: Well, Stars Hollow smells like pickles.
Rory: Pickles?
Lorelai: Pickles.
Rory: Pickles pickles?
Lorelai: Pickles.
Rory: Why?
Lorelai: Because a pickle train crashed.
Rory: Is this a joke? A long boring joke that I’m not going to get?
Lorelai: No its no joke, the town smells like pickles because the pickle train was derailed.
Rory: A train full of pickles, who knew there was such a thing?
Lorelai: Pickle train conductors, for one. Sounds so fun. I would have been the greatest pickle train conductor. Can you see me, “All aboard you pickles.”
Rory: Clearly you missed your calling.
Lorelai: Well luckily there’s you. You're young, you’re clever, you’re our great pickle train conducting hope.
Rory: I can’t believe I’m missing this.
Lorelai: Well you can celebrate next year on the anniversary. Now what’s going on with you?
Rory: Well, I can’t make it to Friday night dinner tonight, but I have a very good excuse.
Lorelai: Pickle Train Conducting Seminar?
Rory: Logan’s in town.
Lorelai: No way!
Rory: Yeah he showed up last night. It was a total surprise.
Lorelai: I can’t believe you let me go on and on about pickle train conducting when you had actual news.
Rory: You had news, Stars Hollow smells like pickles. I can completely see that scrolling along the CNN crawl.
Lorelai: Logan in town is totally pre-pickle news. How long is he here for?
Rory: 6 and ½ more hours. He flew in yesterday, bought a company, and he’s flying back out tonight.
Lorelai: Oh my God, what are you guys going to do with your precious remaining hours? Or don’t I want to know.
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: Well, you might be farming rutabagas or something, and I wouldn’t want to know because...boring.
Rory: Well, tonight I’m meeting him in Manhattan to celebrate.
Lorelai: Fancy restaurant?
Rory: Rutabaga farm, actually. Oh, but I'm sorry about dinner. I didn’t mean to abandon you in your time of need.
Lorelai: No worries. I’m not going to be totally defenseless; I’m bringing your dad.
Rory: Really? Wow!
Lorelai: Yeah! I thought it was time he meet the parents.
Rory: OK, that is pre-pickle news, my friend.
Lorelai: Aww, this conversation has been a disaster hasn’t it?
Rory: Yes it has.
Lorelai: Alright.
Lorelai: Bring Bring. Hi Rory, how are you?
Rory: Hi, Mom. Logan’s in town.
Lorelai: Oh my goodness, that's wonderful.
Rory: We're farming rutabagas.
Lorelai: Oh! You're a filthy child. I will disown you. Bringing your father to dinner. Pickles, Pickles, Pickles, smell, pickle train conducting.
Rory: Alas, Alack.
Lorelai: Good Talk.
Rory: The Best.
Lorelai: Bye.

Lorelai: It's just no saying killer, no saying whack, no saying rockin' or pimpin' or slamming, capisce?
Christopher: Fo' shizzle.
Lorelai: There's gotta be an eject button here somehwere...

Lorelai: The ice hotel! It's amazing. I read about it in the travel section. Its a hotel totally made out of ice. The roof is ice. The floors are ice. The tables are ice. The chairs are ice. The chandoliers are ice.
Christopher: I think I'm beginning to get the picture. Wouldn't it be amazing if you went down the hall and the ice machine was empty?

Lorelai: You're just in time for the ruddy rhubarb pie...and...for the viewing of Grandma's mugshots...
Rory: Are those handcuffs Grandma are you wearing handcuffs?
Christopher: No they gave her one of those ankle things instead with the chain and cannonball at the end.
Lorelai: And the stripy outfit, oh tell Rory how they made you wear the stripy outfit, Mom.

[In the car listening to the radio, Jewel's Who Will Save Your Soul playing]
Lorelai: No!
[ Quiet Riot's Cum On Feel the Noize playing]
Rory:No!
[ Kenny G playing]
Christopher, Rory, & Lorelai: No!
[Jay and the Americans' Come a little bit closer playing]
Rory: Ooo Yea!

Go, Bulldogs![edit]

Christopher: I thought our stomachs should start adjusting to French cuisine so I got us croissants and Café au Lait.
Lorelai: I always thought Café Olé was Spanish...Like Café, Olé! Coffee. Alright!

Lorelai: Parents weekend is for lame-o parents whose kids hate them so they need a school sanctioned event so they all spend some time together.
Christopher: A professor of geology is giving a tour of the Peabody Museum.
Lorelai: My kid likes me. I can go to Yale anytime I want. 51 weekends of the year is my parent's weekend.

Lorelai:The grass is just not this green. Not outside of Pleasantville it isn't.

Lorelai: Maybe they spray painted the grass when they spray painted the trees because there's autumnal foilage and then there's autumnal foilage. It's over the top people!
Christopher:Do you think they piped in this crisp fall smell?

Lorelai: Hey let's be Laverne & Shirley!
Christopher: What? No.
Lorelai: Antony and Cleopatra? F. Scott and Zelda? Zinf and del?
Christopher: I think I'll stick to my own name.
Lorelai: Señor Boring-Pants. Mr. Stick in the Mud? A-capella. A-capella. There's a terrifying number of a-capella jams this weekend.

[On the phone with Rory]
Lorelai: Hey we're here. With bells on. And nothing else. Except leg warmers, rollerskates, and Groucho Marx's glasses...We are near a big brick building and near an old tree.
Christopher: Tell her we're by the L-shaped building that from the top looks like a Polaroid camera.
Rory: Believe it or not, I don't know what all of Yale's buildings look like from the sky.
Lorelai: Well how ignorant of you honey. -[to Christopher] Rory says that she doesn't give two figs about Yale's architecture.
Christopher: Not two figs?
Rory: No just one and a half.

Lorelai: Who wears a nametag in the middle of their chest?
Christopher: Superman
Lorelai: Superman wears an emblem
Christopher: So, this is my emblem.
Lorelai: "Hello I'm Rory Gilmore's dad, Christopher" is your emblem?
Christopher: Yea.
Lorelai: I'm going to have to ask you to walk 50 feet in front of me.

Christopher: Apparently the creme brulee is "to die for."
Rory: Since when do you say "to die for"?
Lorelai: Since he got addicted to Project Runway.

Christopher: Rugby is a violent sport.
Lorelai: I guess the fact that an ambulance was parked right next to the field before the game started should of been my first clue.
Christopher: They don't park ambulances next to teatherball games.
I can't believe we lost. It was so violent. I guess they were just violent-er...
[Lorelai's phone rings and she opens the text message]
It's Rory. They're still at the paper. Half of them are drunk or hung-over. Joannie passed out.

French Twist[edit]

Gigi: Will there be food on the plane?
Lorelai: There will be food. But airplane food is one of life's cruel jokes. So we have snacks up the wazoo.

Lorelai: You know they call it the "City of Love"
Gigi: Why?
Lorelai: Why? Because it's romantic and there's love everywhere. Of course there's pigeons but nobody wants to visit the city of Pigeons!

Lorelai: Jet lag strong.

Lorelai: Hey, is the Tour de France still going on? Cuz we can stand on a little Paris street and yell "Whoo hoo!" when the guys go by. Or I can get a cup of water and throw it one of them as he goes whipping by?

Paris: You should call your "Girls Gone Wild" friends. They seem delightful in a get crazy drunk in Cancun and flash your breasts kind of way.

Paris: Oh and Lexapro is fast acting. Of course its side-effects are weight gain and noticable drop in sexual appetite. Of course with Logan gone...

Lane: Mom, I'm pregnant! We waited until after we were married. If you don't believe us we have a note from the doctor which doesn't prove anything but its true!
Zach: Hit me! Hit me!

Lorelai: I would like a cheeseburger, with a side of cheeseburger, and see if they can make me a cheeseburger smoothie.
Christopher: He didn't say so much as chortle.
Lorelai: No room service? And no mini-bar? But two toilets? Where are their priorities?
Christopher: Let me float another plan
Lorelai: Don't say float unless there's a root beer attached to it!

Lorelai: So wide awake I could watch the Ken Burns' documentary of Sadd and I wouldn't fall asleep.
Christopher: There are a 104 fleur de li's stenciled on the ceiling that's how wide awake I am.
Lorelai: I kept trying to hum Brahms' lullaby in my head but it kept morphing into Purple Rain and purple rain made me think of jam, which made me think of English muffins slathered in grape jam.

Introducing Lorelai Planetarium[edit]

Lorelai: ASAP. So please call me. STASAP. Sooner than as soon as possible.

Christopher: I need an open mind. Are you giving me an open mind?
Lorelai: Ok its open.
Christopher: Wide open?
Lorelai: Yea yea. Blue skies. Green grass. Vistas as far as the eyes can see.
Christopher: I want you to picture. On this wall. A waterfall. You know like one of those wall waterfalls. They're really soothing.
Lorelai: Slam.
Christopher: What's that?
Lorelai: The sound of my mind closing.

[Pours Rory a glass of wine]
Lorelai: After trying 10 varietals, note the use of the word varietals
Rory: Noted
Lorelai: believe me you tend to believe them.
Christopher: We were drunk by the end of the tour. We bought a case.

Lorelai: Here. Try a snail.
Rory: No thanks see I had a lunch of bugs and lizards I think I'm good...Well hows it taste?
Christopher: Sorta like a buttered gummy bear.

Christopher: I look good in peach.
Lorelai: Exactly. Men who buy peach shirts buy them because they think they look good in peach which means they really thought about it which means they are obsessed with their looks!
Christopher: I am not obsessed with my looks!
Lorelai: Ladies and Gentlemen I give you a peach shirt!
Christopher: Alright just leave my stuff alone!
Lorelai: Oh my God. You dirty thief.
Christopher: Excuse me?
Lorelai: You stinking, lying, sneaking, ratty, dirty thief!
Christopher: What?
Lorelai: This is my Police Synchronicity T-shirt! I have been missing this for 22 years! I asked you if you had it, I looked you right in the face and you denied it!
Christopher: I lied.
Lorelai: Oh! You lied! You lied! You know how long I looked for this? days and days and I accused my mother of throwing it out and she said she didn't and OH my God I hated her and Oh my God I coulda had the best relationship with my mother if you had not stolen my shirt!

Knit, People, Knit![edit]

Richard: So, Lorelai couldn't have been more like 8 or 10 years old? But she was very definite about the whole thing. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "When I grow up, I'm going to marry Tip O'Neill!

Emily: Yes Lorelai you may open your present. For heaven's sake you're like a dolphin at feeding time.

[Lorelai on the answering machine]
Hey! Just wanted to know that Christopher and I are back from Paris. Gigi's all set. And uh...we just...ended up uh...getting married...so anyway see you Friday, Bye!
Emily: Isn't that lovely? ...Your father and I plan to treasure it forever. We're going to have it as a keepsake, or a memento. Remember when Lorelai told us she was married?
Richard: Ah yes, and what was it exactly she said?
Emily: It was something like this: [pushes answering machine play button].

Christopher: Look at you knitting away, just like a proper married lady: the picture of domesticity.
Lorelai: Ha ha ha.
Christopher:So what's for breakfast, Martha Stewart? Poached eggs, blueberry muffins? Oh, is there going to be fresh squeezed orange juice? Cuz I'd really appreciate it if you could strain the pulp.
Lorelai: Yeah, I got your strained pulp right here, buddy.
Christopher: So what exactly are you knitting?
Lorelai: It doesn't matter what I'm knitting, I just am knitting to knit.
Christopher: Someone's philosophical.
Lorelai: No, someone is in training for the knitathon, and we get pledged by the skein, so I'm just working on my speed.
Christopher: Knitathon?
Lorelai: Yeah, you didn't hear about the knitathon?
Christopher: No, I didn't hear about the knitathon. You want something?
Lorelai: Yeah. Poached eggs and some orange juice pulp.

Lorelai: I don't like root beer. Unless it's carbonated. You want it?
Christopher: Your used dum-dum?
Lorelai: It's not used. It's vintage...
Dude, fifteen minutes of perchloroethylene talk? We earned those dum-dums fair and square.

Lorelai: He's going on a man-date with Jackson.
Rory: Cute, a mandated man-date?
Lorelai: Yes, it was suggested enthusiastically.

Rory: That upside twisted slammer was living up to its name, man. I don't know if I'm more twisted or slammed.
Marty: I'm both. I think I had three of them? Or was it four?
Rory: You know, the last time I saw you were drunk you were passed out naked outside of my dorm room.

Merry Fisticuffs[edit]

Lorelai: What about instead of La Boheme we took our inspiration from Rent? East Village. 1985. Rickety tables. Chipped glassware.
[phone rings]
Lorelai: Excuse me. Hello?
Rory: How goes the party planning?
Lorelai: What? What happened?
Rory: That good huh?
Lorelai: Is he ok?
Rory: I am not participating in this
Lorelai: Oh my God. What can I do? What do you need?
Rory: You are not using this phone call to get out of party planning hell.
Lorelai: Oh...I'll be right there.
Rory: Mom.
Emily: I can hear Rory on the other end. You are not as clever as you think you are.
Lorelai: Drat.
[later in the conversation]
Rory: Ok so I'll call you later? Ok?
Lorelai: The stairs are rickety, and you think you might fall down them?
Rory: Mom.
Lorelai: The pool is empty and you think you might have hit your head??

Lorelai: Would you like the brown card with the cream colored detail with the parchment insert or would you like the cream colored card with the silk lining and the clear paper insert. How about I'd like some cyanide and a 30 story building to jump off of.
[picks up a box of Cap'n Crunch at Doosie's]
Christopher: We said one sugary cereal.
Lorelai: You're going to deny me the Captain?
Christopher: We've got a whole box of Froot loops at home.
Lorelai: In my fragile state you're going to deny me Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch?
Christopher: It rips your gums.
Lorelai: In a delightful sugary way. Look it's got 5% real peanut butter flavored chemicals.
Christopher: No. [picks up a jar of pasta sauce] Which one do we get??
Lorelai: Avoid the words "made with real vegetables".

Lorelai: [holding Dula, Luke's baby niece] Ooo look at her long fingers. What are you gonna be? A pianist when you grow up? Is that what you're gonna be pretty girl? Or a pickpocket. Oh yes you might. You might be a pickpocketing pianist.

Lorelai: Mars and Venus.
Rory: Yea see I don't think that's right. See Mars and Venus are both planets. So they have something in common. It's more like Mars and a bowl of soup.
Lorelai: Venus and a bowl of soup. Venus is the woman...
Lorelai: Sorry boys suck.
Rory: Stupid bowls of soup.

Emily: I'm saying he's your husband, Lorelai, for better or for worse. I like Christopher.
Lorelai: Okay.
Emily: I think he's good for you. But it's not going to be perfect. He's not perfect, and God knows you're not perfect. But marriage is not about always being happy, and often it's about not being happy at all. It's about compromise, which is not your strong suit. It's about swallowing your pride sometimes, about doing what he wants. It's not about winning an argument, which may make you sad, because that's what you love. But I don't want to see you ruin this. Marriage is serious business, Lorelai, and if you don't take this seriously, it could fall apart faster than you could possibly imagine. And he'll be gone, and you'll be alone again. A ring is no guarantee.

Santa's Secret Stuff[edit]

Gigi: The redcoat is here!
Christopher: Cuz I was thinking all that time in England, you might forget which side of the road to drive on.
Lorelai: Hey, don't steal my material.
Christopher: What do you mean, "your material?" You ripped me off.
Lorelai: I ripped you off? That's like saying Lenny Bruce rips off Carrot Top or Woody Allen gets his material from the "whats-his-name" the guy with the watermelons.

Lorelai: I didn't let any Christmas happen. I Grinched it up so hard I didn't even let it snow! Thanks to me. Our agreement. Our pledge. Our oath!
Rory: You stopped the snow?!?
Lorelai: Yes. Sheer force of will. We said no Christmas, so I had no Christmas.
Rory: You must have had a little Christmas.
Lorelai: None.
Rory: What, no presents?
Lorelai: No presents.
Rory: No tree?
Lorelai: No tree.
Rory: No egg nog?
Lorelai: No egg. No nog. I sat in the dark with the lights off and ate gruel.
Rory: So, no snow?
Lorelai: Yeah. I did an anti-snow dance. It was humiliating and arduous but I had made a promise to my daughter.
Rory: Humiliating?
Lorelai: Two words. Coconut bra.

Christopher: Ah, mistletoe.
Lorelai: Where are you going with that?
Christopher: I'm going to hang it up in the doorway.
Rory: Oh, that's not where it goes... We tape it up to one of the blades of the ceiling fan upstairs. That way the kissing is more like a sport. It's one of our traditions.

[Rory, Lorelai and Gigi are making popcorn-and-cranberry strands for their Christmas tree. Rory and Lorelai are talking about the letter Luke has asked Lorelai to write]
Rory: OK, so what guidelines did he give you?
Lorelai: None. None, no guidelines whatsoever. I'm supposed to write a character reference, so I thought I'd reference his character.
Rory: Sounds like you're on the right track.
Lorelai: No, I'm not, because it turns out I can't write.
Rory: Oh, sure you can.
Lorelai: No, I can't. I stare at the blank page and I just keep staring and staring and eventually I have to get up and lubricate my eyeballs, otherwise they'll fall out of my head like raisins. [Gigi giggles]
Rory: Well, are you using a pen? You can't just stare at the paper, you have to have a writing implement of some kind.
Gigi: [holds up her strand] Look!
Lorelai: Very pretty, honey.
Rory: Hey, what a good job.
Lorelai: You know what I really like? Your cranberry-to-popcorn ratio -- Rory's more of a one-to-one kind of gal, but I'm like you, I like a lot of cranberry, a little popcorn thrown in for flair. [aside to Rory] Yours is pretty too.
Rory: Thank you.
Lorelai: I have a writing implement. The problem is that everything I write just sounds so schmucky.
Rory: I'm sure that's not true...we're running low on cranberries.
Lorelai: [mocking herself] "Luke Danes is a highly regarded member of this community." Ugh! "Not an ill word can be spoken of Mr. Danes." It's like I'm some documentary narrator from the History Channel. And you know what phrase I keep using?! "Stand-up." "Luke Danes is a stand-up guy. He's an upstanding member of Stars Hollow. A real stand-up citizen." People are gonna think he's turned into a comedian.
Rory: Sounds like you're overthinking this. Maybe if you just put pen to paper --
Lorelai: I tried that. I thought, I'll just sit down and write whatever comes. No judgment, no inner critic -- boy, was that a bad idea.
Rory: Really? Why?
Lorelai: Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. "I'm writing a letter. I can't write a letter. Why can't I write a letter? I'm wearing a green dress. I wish I was wearing my blue dress. My blue dress is at the cleaners'. 'The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.' Casablanca. Casablanca's such a good movie. Casablanca. The White House. Bush. Why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car. I should really take my bicycle to work. Bicycle, unicycle, unitard, hockey puck, rattlesnake monkey monkey underpants." [Gigi giggles]
Rory: "Hockey puck rattlesnake monkey monkey underpants"?
Lorelai: Exactly! That's what I'm saying. It's a big bag of weird in there. So I think, well, I need inspiration. I need a muse. Perhaps I need The Muse. Maybe it would help if Sharon Stone would appear to me in an alarming kaftan and coo inspirational words in my ear.

Lorelai: It's the whole writing by hand thing. I think what would help is if I got my old electric typewriter out. The soothing sounds of that irritating buzzing...that's what would help...

Mrs. Kim: I happen to know you forgot to take your calcium pills for two mornings straight.
Lane: Mama, you're counting my pills?
Mrs. Kim: Yes of course.

Lorelai: I melted three entire candy canes into this not-very-large cup of coffee and I can still barely taste it. It's just the vaguest whisper of peppermint.
Rory: [whispers] Peppermint.
Lorelai: I swear I can get the same effect if I put a blob of Vick's Vapo rub on my chest and drank coffee at the same time.
Rory: [whispers] Peppermint.

Lorelai: Well, we have to buy up all the Pluto stuff. It's really going to be a collector's item.

Zach: You can still be a person and you can still be rock and roll. Having babies doesn't mean you can't be rock and roll! Gimme a break... Sonic Youth has a kid and they're still way cool. And Mick Jagger. That cat has like 15 kids and he still goes out and rocks.
Lane: Yeah, I guess.
Zach: For sure. The man rocks hard. And then he comes home and makes another kid.

To Whom It May Concern[edit]

Sookie: Our babysitter called last night. She's got Mono. How's that Muffin top?
Lorelai: It's got the faintest hint of "bribe."

Sookiee: Hey do you have any magazines in case I get through R and S?

Christopher: So what does she do with the Muffin bottoms?
Lorelai: Oh, she turned them into a pie. You know she's like an Indian. They use all the parts of the Buffalo?

Christopher: All the better to watch Reggie Bush score touchdowns on.
Lorelai: I forget. Which one of the Bush daughters is Reggie?

Lorelai: But I am a boring married person now!
Jackson: Do you even like bowling?
Lorelai: Not when I was single. But maybe now that I'm married and boring it'll be right up my alley.
Jackson: You have to wear the shoes.
Lorelai: Forget it.

Lorelai: Sorry it's such a mess. The magic socks took us back in time. We were cavemen it was really bleak. So we lived like this. and I would have cleaned up. But when we woke up the magic socks were going to take us to an orphanage in England where we had to tidy up in exchange for one teaspoon of gruel.

Jackson: I was going to today after we had a great time and she was in a great mood, but then she wanted to ski, and drink.
Lorelai: Well, you wouldn't let her.
Jackson: She's pregnant!
Lorelai: I know, and you know, but don't you think that Sookie should be let in on the good news??

Sookie: God, I hope we have a girl. Oooh! Or a Boy!
Lorelai: Chances are pretty good you'll have one or the other.

Richard:Now, when it comes to papers, I'm guessing that some of you, of course, will be asking me for an extension. You will be happy to learn that I have no problem with extensions. Here's what you do. You look at the due date of the paper, and then you mark it on your calendar two weeks prior to that date. And there you have it. I've just granted you a two-week extension.

I'd Rather Be in Philadelphia[edit]

[Lorelai and Babette are carrying a tree in a basket, the phone is ringing]
Babette: I'm making a jungle.
Lorelai: A jungle?
Babette: Hey! Is that your inside phone?
Lorelai: Yeah, well, I'll call them back.
Babette: So anyway, I got this negligee with a kind of snake pattern...
Lorelai: Oh, this is heavy!

[Sitting in front of a colorful array of vending machine cuisine]
Rory: Well, what is your pleasure?
Lorelai: Well, let's see. Nothing sweet, I don't think.
Rory: No? A Salty thing. A fluorescent orange or a Statz cheese thing?

Richard: All in all,I think I'd rather be in Philadelphia.
Rory: Hmm... Ronald Reagan.
Richard: Quoting W. C. Fields.

Rory: So I told Paris, I don't care if it would theoretically increase my chances of getting a grant to go study in Russia, I'm not willing to pretend to be an accomplished rhythmic gymnast.
Logan: How do you pretend to be a rhythmic gymnast anyway?
Rory: I don't even know. I mean, you whirl around some ribbons, balance a ball on your nose?

Babette: Are you kidding me? Prana. Chi. Life force. Whatever you call it he's got it in spades. Sexy men like him often do. That's what makes him so sexy. They're ripe with life! He's like Warren Beatty your dad. Or Sean Connery. Or who's that one I always found so sexy with the glasses, the politician? Henry Kissinger!

Emily: That's a quiche? That blobby white thing is supposedly quiche lorraine?
Lorelai: It doesn't say quiche lorraine. Maybe it's quiche blobby white thing.

Lorelai: Hey, Rory.
Rory: Hey, Mom.
Lorelai: You know, glad to see you doing so well with Logan. I’m happy that you are happy.
Rory: Thanks!
Lorelai: He’s not half bad, that kid. He’s almost okay.
Rory: Yeah, he’s all right.

Farewell, My Pet[edit]

Lorelai: Wow I would say we have a new slow walk leader in the cardiac recovery wing.

Lorelai: Just so you know, that young guy whos been visiting Mrs. Santiago in 236, not her son, he's her boyfriend!
Rory: No!
Emily: But he's at least 20 years younger than she is.
Lorelai: 32 according to the night nurse.
Emily: What could they possibly have to talk about?
Lorelai: I don't think they're doing a lot of talking if you know what I mean..

Paris: Huntzberger? Between the women and the drinking that kid was on the Colin Farrell freeway about to pull over onto the Robert Downey rest stop.

Paris: Oh you broke him. You broke him hard. You can open the gate and he's not going to bolt. You can kick him with a spur and he's not going to spooke. You own him...Hey let's make them go out and get tattoos. It'll be like we branded them.

Zach: [singing] They called them the Diamond Dogs. Whoo hoo hoo. Bow wow."
Lorelai: We didn't need a song that necessarily had the dogs in the lyrics, right Michel?
Michel: Whatever. David Bowie sounds like a hoot.
Lorelai: More Princess Diana, less dog.
Zach: So you want Elton John?
Lorelai: We were thinking very dignified. Like Bach. Mozart.
Michel: Celine Dion.
Zach: Oh please...don't make me do that.
Michel: After all My Heart Will Go On was Chin-chin's favorite song.
Lorelai: Ah well then there you go we'll just find uh My Heart...Belongs to Daddy...My heart belongs to me, My heart belongs to you, My heart can't make up it's mind.
Zach: How about Tears in heaven? That's a wicked song.
Lorelai: My heart is crying for you...My heart is waiting...My heart stood still...People very interested in this whole heart thing.
Zach: I Will Always Love You...I mean it's got the cheese factor but its still at least a legitimite...

Rory: And I told him I liked Isabelle Allende. And it was disgusting!
Logan: You told him you liked Isabelle Allende.
Rory: But it was the way I said it I was all nervous and weird and I googled him after class I don't know why.

Lorelai: I need you to know, you're the man I want to want.

I'm a Kayak, Hear Me Roar[edit]

[Paris explaining her yoga practice]
Paris: I only signed up for the class cuz I thought it'd help me B.S. my way through any med school interviews when they talk about all that homeopathic, holistic, naturepathic, chiropractic, TCM, Unani, iBeta crap.

Lorelei: There's no such thing as a non-alcoholic cocktail.
Emily: There most certainly is, it's called a mock-tail. I can offer you a Shirley Temple or a Roy Rogers.
Lorelai: Or how about a Howdy Doody or a Captain Kangaroo... [takes a sip of the mock-tail] Oh, that's a strong one Mom, you know I'm driving.
Rory: Tastes great.
Lorelai: You know what else tastes great? Rum.

Babbette: He's definitely moved out. Last time I saw the "beagle"s car in the driveway was days ago. Then I saw the movers truck. So only the "hen" lives there now.
Miss Patti: So did the "hen" break up with the "beagle" or the "beagle" break up with the "hen"?
Babbette: I don't know.
Miss Patti: The poor "hen".
Babbette: She's been through so much. I was kinda getting used to him...the "beagle".
Babbette: He's not right for her. He's a "beagle" you know. And "beagles" belong with "beagles".
Miss Patti: And the "hen" belongs with the "rooster".
Babbette: Maybe.
Miss Patti: Well, does the "rooster" know about the "hen" and the "beagle".
Babbette: Oh yeah, Esther Tilly was in here yesterday, blabbing her big mouth off.
Miss Patti: Oh, how did he take it. Did you see his face?
Babbette: Oh yeah, but you know the "rooster", it's like looking at Stonehenge. I don't know what he thinks.
Miss Patti: Oh, I hope he gets his act together because I think they're perfect.
Babbette: I think the "hen" belongs with someone else. Like a "penguin" or an "ostrich".
Kirk: I can no longer sit here listening to this.
Miss Patti: Oh good. Go sit over there.
Kirk: I'm sorry but I can't in good conscience let this perverse conversation continue. Are you insinuating that a hen could mate with an ostrich? Because even ignoring the question of biological feasibility, it's completely morally reprehensible...How do you expect her to lay those eggs!?!?

Emily: Would you like a drink?
Lorelai: Ooooh, I thought the house was dry.
Emily: Vodka or scotch?
Lorelai: It's a regular speakeasy.

Emily: It's like a canoe.
Lorelai: What's like a canoe?
Emily: Life. You're just paddling along in a canoe.
Lorelai: Mother have you been in a canoe? I just can't picture you in a canoe.
Emily: Lorelai, your father and I have been paddling a canoe together for years, only now, he's dropped it. He just dropped it. Not only that but now the canoe is going in circles. Without your father there I'm paddling and the canoe is going in circles, and the harder I paddle the faster the canoe spins and it's hard work and I'm getting tired.
Lorelai: Dizzy I would think.
Emily: You are in a kayak. You know how to do all of this.
Lorelai: How does that put me in a kayak?
Emily: Kayaks have paddles on both ends. You steer it by yourself.

Emily: You're independent. You provide for yourself.
Lorelai: I am kayak. Hear me roar.

Will You Be My Lorelai Gilmore?[edit]

Rory: Yes but Mr. Nash, you are forgetting about the first pancake phenomenon.
Lorelai: Eh?
Rory: Yes the first pancake you know? You always throw it out...
Lorelai: Why do you throw out the first pancake?
Rory: Cause the griddles too hot it gets burned.
Lorelai: Oh my God. Next year no excuses. We are make you that audition tape for Top Chef.

Lorelai: Honey, you've been asking intelligent questions since you were three.
Rory: Yeah but he's probably expecting something a little more sophisticated.
Lorelai: Than "what is a color?" Cause that one really blew my mind.

Sookie: Ooo. Angelina and Brad had their baby. Months and months ago!
Lorelai: Yea you're a little behind the times.
Sookie: This is the problem with having two kids under the age of four. World events just pass you by. I cannot believe Britney is driving with her baby in her lap like that. What is she doing with that guy by the way.
Lorelai: You'll be glad to know they've since broken up. Although turns out he was kinda a stabilizing influence in her life, who knew?

Lorelai: It's looking homey in here.
Lane: Thanks. According to my book I'm nesting. I hope it stops soon. It's really creeping me out.

Lorelai: You may have kids who want to study the Bible.
Lane: Trust me, my kids are not going to want to study the Bible.
Lorelai: You don't know what your kids are going to want. Do you think your mom thought she was going to get a kid who loved Jane's Addiction? You might get kids who are nuts for Exodus, crazy for Deuteronomy and then what? You want them hiding their Bibles under the floorboards?

Lorelai: If they want to go to church, you're not going to let them? Even at Christmas when they have the manger and the petting zoo with the sheep and the donkeys?

Lorelai: Haven't you ever had one of those lazy Sundays where you stay in bed all day? Just think of this as one long lazy Sunday.
Zach: That's pretty cool. And I'm going to hang out with you. Like John and Yoko.

Babette: Yea I tried to make Snoopy. Figured he's easy to draw and what kid doesn't like Snoopy? Plus he's black and white and the onesie's already white so I just have to add the black. But it's looking more like a chocolate chip cookie. Which is ok cuz what kid doesn't like a cookie?
Gypsy: What am I supposed to turn this into?
Babette: A blob?
Lorelai: Well just make it a bunch of blobs. It could be Baby's First Rorschach test.
Miss Patti: Oh yea I see a ballerina about to take flight.
Babette: I see cheese.
Lorelai: See. Something for everyone.

Lane: You didn't hear about the fight? Me and my Mom. Classic Kim family grudgefest? If it weren't for your mom we might have gone the way of Pretty Girls Make Graves. They were so young but they had so many albums left in them. Here's the thing. My kids are going to need that too, you know when they're hiding Bibles and they can't stand me so what I wanted to know was. Would you be their Lorelai Gilmore?

[Mrs Kim hands Lorelai a present]
Lorelai: A doorknob.
Mrs Kim: Not just any doorknob. John Adams doorknob. You familiar with John Adams?
Lorelai: Not personally.
Mrs Kim: You making a joke?
Lorelai: Just a little one.
Mrs Kim: That's what I figured. Don't tarnish it. It will lose its value!

Lorelai: God, I can't believe you bought a boat in a day. It used to take you a week to buy a t-shirt.
Luke: Yeah well, things change.

Gilmore Girls Only[edit]

[Rory trying on suits]
Rory: Cute's not what I'm going for when I'm going on an interview for a newspaper, but...
Lorelai: It worked for Brenda Starr. Lois Lane.
Rory: Oh, so if I get a job as a journalist in a comic strip, this is the one.

Rory: Well, I need for it to say more than that. I'm hoping to hear from the San Francisco Chronicle, the Seattle Times, the Detroit Free Press
Lorelai: Well, you can't ask one suit to say so much. You know, why don't you just get the suit that says something local? 'Cause you know those other cities are so far away, so expensive, so tiring. Plus you know you can get a great cup of coffee in New York. I don't know about those other cities. They have crappy crappy coffee.
Rory: Mmm hmm. Like Seattle?

Emily: And he's getting to be a serious pain in the "you know what"
Lorelai: The nose? The ear?
Emily: Would it give you that much pleasure to hear me say "ass"?
Lorelai: Well, I wasn't sure but, yes.

[Richard enters office in a blue tracksuit.]

Richard: Emily... Oh, hi, Lorelai.
Lorelai: Hi Dad. Nice threads. You having lunch with Tony Soprano?

Lorelai: Right. If you're speeding. You're driving like you're in a parade. Mom, seriously, by the time we get there the wedding will be over. The guests will have gone home. North Carolina will be under the water of the melting ice caps.

[Lorelai puts the car window down a bit]
Emily: Lorelai, What are you doing?
Lorelai: It's stuffy.
[Window starts going up]
Emily: It's too cold to have the window down.
Lorelai: Mom, just let me have it down.
[Window goes down again.]
Emily: Lorelai, stop playing with the window.
[Window starts going up]
Lorelai: I'm not playing with it, I just want it down and you're making it go...are you kidding me? Mother, I'm putting it...I'm putting it...Uh! Mom!
[Emily locks the window closed]
Emily: It's called a child lock, appropriately enough.

Lorelai: I'm a grown-up. A grown-up who wears a bib.

Rory: I could use a laugh.
Lorelai: All right, the Lake House it is.
Rory: Aww, my dress is wrinkled.
Lorelai: Honey, just put it in the shower with the steam if Mom ever finishes shellacking her face.

Mia: You know what they say, you marry a man, you marry his junk.

Lorelai: I thought you weren't supposed to see the bride in her gown before you got married.
Rory: Yeah, and if the bride sees a lizard crossing the road that's bad luck too.
Mia: Oh well, haven't seen a lizard but too late on the dress because he zipped me up.
Lorelai: Oh no, where's the zip-up on the back-luck o'meter?
Rory: I'm not sure but we better throw some salt over your shoulders just in case.
Lorelai: I'm not sure if I have salt but I may have some Splenda.

Lorelai: And so a toast to you dear Mia,

Makes us all so glad to see ya, Blissfully joined with dear good Howard, May your love last long like it's battery-powered.

Lorelai: ... So what I've realized now is that you can get away with a LOT of bad rhymes when you're cute and 5.

Zach: :[Referring to his music mix for Luke]

You know new stuff that sounds kinda classic rock-y. My Morning Jacket who are like Neil Young reborn you know if Neil would die. Wolf Mother definitely channeling Zeppelin. Modern but not so much that it would freak out someone of your taste.


Ugly Sweater dude: In fact, Cathy and I considered moving to New England, because of the foliage.
Lorelai: Oh yea we have a lot of those. It grows on trees.
Ugly Sweater dude: I can barely handle it here in Charlotte when it drops below 40. Cathy says its a circulation thing. I think its a matter of not having the fat layer that you women do.
Lorelai: Oh well then you wouldn't be able to wear such a fabulous sweater.

Emily: No, I just wanted to walk you to your room, seeing that this isn't the safest neighborhood.
Lorelai: Mom. Now I feel like I should walk you back to the car. And then you're gonna feel like you should walk me back. And we're going to be stuck in a terrible loop and neither of us has the shoes for that.
Rory: Oh Grandma, you should stay. We're going to get junk food from the vending machine. Watch a movie. C'mon, don't you like Dots?
Emily: Seriously Rory, I can't stay.
Rory: Too late, I'm already getting you a Little Debbie.

Lorelai: Have you seen the Pursuit of Happyness?
Emily: Is that the one with Will Smith? He's so attractive.
[Rory showing off pictures of Lane's newborn twins on her camera phone]
Emily: I'm sure that little camera distorts their faces.
Lorelai: Oh you're mean Mom. They're cute.
Emily: Why did they misspell happiness?
Lorelai: There's your boyfriend Mom.
Rory: Who?
Lorelai: Will Smith. Mom has a thing for him.

Hay Bale Maze[edit]

Michel: Ah. Whatever.
Sookie: Michel. People stopped saying "whatever" five years ago.
Michel: Whatever. I'm outie 5000.

Doyle: Me and lactose are bros.

Rory: Okay, I need to pick out a coat. A trenchcoat would be too "All the President's Men" but my blue coat would be too "His Girl Friday". What to do?
Paris: Seriously, Huntzberger. You're used to living in a place with doormen and Danish furniture and refridgerators so fancy that magnets won't stick to them. This craphole's smaller than the walk in closet in your last pad.

Lorelai: I noticed that the Colonial Butterchurners are having an exhibition at the antiquarian society...
Rory: This is the town with the Sistene Chapel right?
Lorelai: Oh yeah, and don't forget to show him the pyramids. You know, kittycorner from the Wailing Wall.

Lorelai: Of course we have guest towels. Guest towels. Fancy way of saying towels that are clean.

Rory: I didn't bloom. My headpiece malfunctioned.
Logan: Ah. Poor little scab-nose!

Lorelai: Oh, Logan's a lovely young man. He's very nice and polite and funny. He's got that hair, you know. That hair that can sell shampoo to a bald man.

Babette: People are going to miss your salty nuts baby. They are.

It's Just Like Riding a Bike[edit]

Lorelai: Jack Bauer should torture his suspects by making them go car shopping with their exes.


Luke: It's not narrow minded, okay! It's sane! Here's a news flash for you, okay. Sports cars don't think they're better than other cars! Okay? Hatchbacks do not have SUV inferiority complexes!
Lorelai: Heh. Now who's ridiculous.
Luke: Yeah, and sedans aren't afraid to get dirty!
Lorelai: You know what I think it is? You're hungry.
Luke: What?! No!
Lorelai: Sometimes you get like this when you're hungry.
Luke: I'm not!
Lorelai: (digs in her purse) I think I have some cookies in here. Some Oreos.
Luke: I'm not! Besides I wouldn't eat anything that came out of that bag!
Lorelai: They're in a wrapper. (holds up a baggie of cookies)
Luke: I can't believe you still haven't cleaned that thing out!
Lorelai: Please.
Luke: How much time do you lose a day looking in that thing? Five, ten minutes? Multiply that by a year I bet you gain a month if you just took an hour and cleaned it out. (she smiles at him) What?!
Lorelai: Nothing.
Luke: (in disbelief) You're smiling.
Lorelai: What? No! You've got low blood sugar.
Luke: I do not have--okay. Are you going to buy a car or not?
Lorelai: Not.

Unto the Breach[edit]

Sookie: Don't worry cause I prefer footballs basically Polly teased Chad.
Lorelai: Why would Polly tease Chad about prefering footballs?
Sookie: I don't know, maybe Polly prefers soccer balls.
Lorelai: That doesn't make any sense.
Sookie: Then stop adding stuff to the list