Gimme Gimme Gimme
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Gimme Gimme Gimme (1999–2001)
Series 1 
Beryl: If you want the advice of an ex prostitute, check the bedroom for evidence.
The Big Break [1.2] 
Legs and Co. [1.3] 
Do They Take Sugar? [1.4] 
Saturday Night Diva [1.5] 
I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do [1.6] 
Millennium special: 1999 
- Linda: Nahh, Tamika blew me out.
- Tom: What, over the phone? That must have taken a while...
- Linda: They must have got a puppy for Christmas coz I could hear her fella in the background shouting 'I'm not having that dog back in my house' and then she said 'party's off'!
- Linda: I 'aint a pussy person Tom! When people look at me they don't think cat they think dog!
- Tom: And what did you shout at the lovely Elaine Paige when we went to see 'CATS'? 'Show me your pussy I'll show you mine'!
Series 2 
Teacher's Pet [2.1] 
Stiff [2.2] 
Prison Visitor [2.3] 
Dirty 30 [2.4] 
It's Tom's 30th birthday and Linda invites the other residents over for a party. They turn up--after Tom has lied that his parents were killed in a car accident 17 years ago. When Linda confronts Tom about lying to her, he explains that his parents are boring and embarrassing--also, they don't approve of him being gay. He tries everything to get rid of them; finally he gets Linda to try to seduce his dad, Vernon, in hopes that his mum, Sheila, will get disgusted enough to leave. Tom tells Vernon to go to Linda's room, where she starts flirting. Tom drags Sheila to the room and they find Vernon and Linda having sex in her bed! He didn't mean for her to actually go through with anything! But Sheila walks out calmly, only shocked that Linda has the same bedsheet set as Tom's sister Carmel. Shocked at Sheila's non-shock reaction, Tom confronts her about not being able to face the truth. She retorts that he's the one who can't: Vernon and Sheila are swingers.
Glad to be Gay? [2.5] 
- Tom: We're here. Lindy's queer. Get used to it.
Sofa Man [2.6] 
Tom - I like the men in my life to be strong, to stand up for what they believe in, not to be so far back in the closet they're in FUCKING NARNIA!!!.
Comic Relief special: 2001 
Comic Relief 
Series 3 
Down and Out [3.1] 
Lollipop Man [3.2] 
Linda-DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ON THE MATTER YOU NONCE!!
Linda- are you ready. Tom-No. Linda-oh you slipped it in when I wernt looking.
Linda- She got herself a see through bodystocking and a python, called herself 'Snatch & Ladders'
Linda- Mummy threatened Lulu with an Irn Bru bottle in the 60's, I bet that's not in the play! Daddy still refuses to have 'Boom Bang A Bang' piped through his iron lung, he may be braindead Tom but he's got principles!
Secrets and Flies [3.3] 
Trauma [3.4] 
Singing in the Drain [3.5] 
Decoy [3.6] 
Unidentified episode 
- Linda - You may only judge a shithole by the turds that pass through it.
- Linda - I ain't phobic about homos; I just can't stand the sight of them.
- Tom - Oh, huge great dangly scrotum sacks!
- Tom - Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday sexy bastard!
- Tom - No, you stupid Yak!
- Linda - If you're gay, then why are you marrying a woman, you wanker?
- Tom - Wincy Willis, Wincy Willis! Who the bloody hell is Wincy Willis?
- Linda - Oi! On yer bike, I'm not a dyke!
- Linda - There once was a filthy bitch called Snow White who was shagging these seven dwarves....
- Tom - Linda, I've just got a part on one of Britain's top rated soaps...
- Linda - No, Tom, it's Crossroads.
- Tom - You can always come and visit me, you know.
- Linda - No, I get lost on trains unless I got a label....
- Linda - There's no such thing as bisexual; it's just greediness.
- Tom - (In a Cockney accent) I'm a good girl I am!
- Tom - Help me I'm down a hole ~ So far away from home ~ At the end of the tunnel I see a light ~ I'M SOMEONE'S DINNER TONIGHT!
- Linda - I've got a famous botty I have. Whenever I walk down the street people say "Your arse is massive!".
- Linda - Bitch! I do not look like Elizabeth the First!!!
- Shirley - Oh yeah...That's really funny! Excuse me while I piss myself!
- Linda - Si! That's an unusual name innit! Bit like Gasp....
- Linda - He's bi-jobial ain't he? He's a bit of both...
- Tom - If I smoke that, I'll imagine great big Mars Bars chasing me down the street!
- Tom - With you by my side (Cockney accent) "She don't scare me no more!"
- Linda - He's got an arse like two eggs in an 'anky.
- Beryll - Is he a ventriloquist, Linda?
- Linda - Dunno.. But I wouldn't mind 'im sticking his hand up my skirt and making my lips move.. Y'know what I mean?
- Linda - (Ajusting the front of her underwear) Uh.. Got something in my eye!
- Suze - Did you miss me?
- Linda - Like a cat with no neck misses licking its own arsehole..
- Suze - Is that a... Yes?
- Tom - Umm... Suze.. .Why is your mouth black?
- Suze - Oh don't worry yourself, Tommy baby... I've been eating coal.
- Linda - Ah shut up, you overgrown streak o' piss!
- Tom - Can we do some of those footieball songs, Jez?
- Suze - Ooo can I do one!
- Linda - No!
- Suze - Oh please. it's really good!
- Suze - (Singing) Who ate all the pies? Who ate all the pies? (Pointing to Linda, shouting) YOU FAT BASTARD, YOU FAT BASTARD WHO ATE ALL THE PIES!? ...Oh, Linda.. It's just so appropriate (Giggles)
- Linda - Oh she's like a young Annette Newman.. "We wash this many dishes in ordinary liquid... AND THIS MANY IN FAIRY LIQUID!!!".
- Kathy Burke - Linda La Hughes
- James Dreyfus - Tom Farrell
- Brian Bovell - Jez Littlewood
- Beth Goddard - Suze Littlewood
- Rosalind Knight - Beryl Merit