Hancock's Half Hour
Hancock's Half Hour was a BBC sitcom (1954–61) written by Ray Galton and Alan Simpson. It starred Tony Hancock with Sid James; the radio version also co-starring Hattie Jacques, Bill Kerr and Kenneth Williams. The final television series, renamed simply Hancock, starred Hancock alone.
The Blood Donor
- Hancock: [to woman going to give blood] Just think, Cliff Richard might get some of yours! [to himself] That'll slow him down a bit...
- Hancock: You've got Adam Faith earning ten times more than the prime minister. Now, is that right? Is that right? ... Then again, it depends whether you like Adam Faith and what your politics are.
- Hancock: Do we get a badge for doing this?
- Doctor: Where are you going?
- Hancock: To have my tea and biscuits.
- Doctor: I thought you came here to give some of your blood!
- Hancock: You've just had it.
- Doctor: But this is just a smear!
- Hancock: It may be just a smear to you, mate, but it's life and death to some poor wretch!
- Hancock: How much do you want then?
- Doctor: Well, a pint, of course?
- Hancock: A pint? Have you gone raving mad? [...] I mean, I came here in all good faith, to help my country. I don't mind giving a reasonable amount, but a pint? Why, that's very nearly an armful!
- Doctor: You're AB negative.
- Hancock: ...Is that bad?
- Doctor: No, no - you're rhesus positive.
- Hancock: Rhesus? They're monkeys, aren't they? How dare you! I didn't come here to be insulted by a legalised vampire!
Twelve Angry Men
- Hancock: Does Magna Carta mean nothing to you? Did she die in vain? That brave Hungarian peasant girl who forced King John to sign the pledge at Runnymede and close the boozers at half past ten
- Stop messing about! - catchphrase of the "Snide" character, played by Kenneth Williams
- I wish I was a chestnut tree, nourished by the sun, with leaves and twigs and branches, and conkers by the ton.
- FELLOW PASSENGER:
Windows on aeroplanes do not open. This is a pressurised cabin - if the windows opened the plane would explode! HANCOCK: Well that's bad workmanship, old man.
- ..... Well the Hun was throwing everything at me, three on my tail, I was looping the loop at a hundred and twenty miles an hour. Only one thing to do: I stepped out on the wing, controlling the plane with my feet, grabbed the bombs out of the racks and threw 'em at him! Did my victory roll over Hendon airport picking up handkerchiefs off the tarmac with my wing tips .....
- This one nearer the window has the best view of the Swiss mountain scenery, which is the reason I'm here. Yes, this'll do. On the other hand, bloke in that bed gets his breakfast in bed first ..... Well, when you've seen one mountain you've seen the lot.
- ..... right through The Battle Of Britain, painted so many swastikas on the side of my kite some our lads used to think I was the enemy .....
- BURLY PLAIN-CLOTHES POLICEMAN:
How did you know we were policemen? HANCOCK: I, er ..... I looked it up on the passenger list. I should never have known otherwise, you could be anybody: Cabinet Ministers or Italian footballers or Sadlers Wells ballet .....
- SID JAMES:
The plane is still on the ground. HANCOCK: So it is, so it is! Good grief, I'd better tell the pilot before he pulls the wheels up!
Well, it was a mistake anybody could make. SIR JASPER WORTHINGTON Q.C.: A mistake? An important murder case and you turn up at the wrong court! You spend three hours making an impassioned plea for a life sentence on a man accused of passing betting slips in Hyde Park!
How dare you! I shall sue you for libel! SIR JASPER WORTHINGTON Q.C.: Don't you mean 'slander'? HANCOCK: Do I? Hang on a minute, no I don't, you can't catch me - 'slander' is setting fire to people .....
- ..... cross in the corner, I don't want any publicity - get too many begging letters. If they're anything like the ones I send out I don't want to know!
You remember that nine hundred thousand pounds I won? SID JAMES: Oh yeah. HANCOCK: Well I want two bob of it - I'm hungry! SID JAMES: Hancock, we've been all over this before, boy - it's all tied up. HANCOCK: I know it is! In little bags in your bedroom!
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