Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo
[Bruno Von Stickle won't let Herbie pass]
- Wheely Applegate: Dirty road hog! Why doesn't he learn how to drive?
- Jim Douglas: He knows how to drive, that's the trouble!
[they go round a pair of sharp curves]
- Wheely Applegate: Yeah, I see what you mean.
- Wheely Applegate: I didn't understand what he was saying.
- Jim Douglas: That's OK. He didn't understand what you were saying either. Come to think of it, I don't think *I* understood what you were saying.
- Max: Patience, Quincey.
- Quincey: You tell that to the guard. He'll be here in two minutes.
- Max: Right on schedule. Just ten steps to six million dollars.
- Quincey: One step to Devil's Island, if anything touches that floor.
- Jim Douglas: You listen to me, Herbie, and you listen good. Now, you and I did not come out of mothballs to be the laughingstock of the continent.
- Claude Gilbert: Congratulations, Douglas. You have just won the right to taste my dust tomorrow.
- Bruno Von Stickle: And mine, Douglas. Today, you break my record. But tomorrow, I return your hello-comeback into goodbye forever. Auf Wiedersehen.
- Wheely Applegate: They never say what I mean. That's what makes the female the species deadlier than the male.
- Jim Douglas: You read that some place?
- Wheely Applegate: Yes, and I've got a mother, three sisters, and two ex-wives to prove it. Oh, they never told me they wanted me out of the house, but every time I came home, the lock was changed.
- Jim Douglas: Is that a knocking I hear in the gas tank?
- Wheely Applegate: Not in my gas tank. Never!
- Jim Douglas: Sounds like something clonking around in here.
- Wheely Applegate: Well, we either listen to the driver and stop to take the gas tank apart, or we listen to the mechanic and try to win this race.
- Jim Douglas: I'm listening to the mechanic.
- Jim Douglas: [noticing that Herbie is gone] Herbie!
- Wheely Applegate: You mean "no Herbie."
- Wheely Applegate: All taken care of, Jim. Had a little tank with Herbie. Had to straighten him out. I don't mind having a car that's got a heart, but I will not tolerate a car falling in love with another car.
- Jim Douglas: What did you expect him to fall in love with? The Goodyear blimp?
- Wheely Applegate: The Goodyear — Yeah. [laughs] Anyway, I said "Listen, Herbie, we're over here for one thing and one thing only. And that's to make the biggest comeback in racing history. So, no women in training camp. You just forget that little chick, and you can do it. Just a matter of mind over metal."
- Wheely Applegate: Don't let his modesty or this little car coming out of retirement fool you. There isn't a finer turned cleaner engine anywhere.
- Bruno Von Stickle: I'm sure it should be easy to keep clean. All you go to do is drop it in the washing machine, along with your socks.
- Wheely Applegate: Appreciate your humor. But just don't you worry about this little washing machi... [Jim elbows him] ... car!
[Von Stickle cracks up at his slip of tongue]
- Wheely Applegate: It's a REAL JEWEL!
- Jim Douglas: [signing in to the qualifying sound] Douglas and Applegate.
- Race official: Douglas. Ah, yes, Monsieur Douglas. You're in the heat after this one. Good luck.
- Bruno Von Stickle: That's the same heat I'm in, Douglas. You're going to need more than luck. You're going to need wings.
- Wheely Applegate: Oh, yeah? Well, you may just be in for a little surprise.
- Bruno Von Stickle: [chuckles] I can see your surprise. It is very little.
[Herbie drives his front wheels onto a hose with a squirter at the end which Von Stickle is using to wash his car; where he look straight at it, wondering what happened to the water. Right on target, Herbies goes off the hose, and causes Von Stickle to get squirted in the face]
- Jim Douglas: Look for an even bigger surprise when the race starts.
- Insp. Bouchet: Yes, yes, yes. But, uh, are you sure that all the security precautions had been taken?
- Monsieur Ribeaux: I've searched my memory. Could I have forgotten something?
- Det. Fontenoy: [interrupting their discussion] Inspector, some residue of a footprint. I might have overlooked it, but I seemed to hear your voice calling out "Fontenoy, remember, no clue is small."
- Insp. Bouchet: Did you also hear me saying "Take it to the lab and get in analyzed, Fontenoy"?
- Jim Douglas: [about Herbie] He's out of his mind.
- Wheely Applegate: He's out of his mind, all right. Over that luscious little Lancia.
- Jim Douglas: Now wait a minute, buddy.
- Diane Darcy: [takes off her helmet] What do you mean "buddy"?
- Jim Douglas: Uh, Miss Buddy.
- The Love Bug falls 'hood-over-wheels' for a classy chassis!
- The Love Bug turns the great race into a Herbie-Derby!
- Dean Jones .... Jim Douglas
- Don Knotts .... Wheely Applegate
- Julie Sommars .... Diane Darcy
- Jacques Marin .... Inspector Bouchet
- Roy Kinnear .... Quincey
- Bernard Fox .... Max
- Eric Braeden .... Bruno von Stickle
- Xavier Saint-Macary .... Detective Fontenoy
- François Lalande .... Monsieur Fontenoy
- Alan Caillou .... Emile
- Laurie Main .... Duval
- Mike Kulcscar .... Claude
- Johnny Haymer .... Race official
- Stanley Brock .... Taxi driver
- Gérard Jugnot .... Waiter
- Jean-Marie Proslier .... Doorman
- Tom McCorry .... Showroom M.C.
- Lloyd Nelson .... Mechanic
- Jean-Jacques Moreau .... Truck driver
- Yveline Beière .... Girl friend
- Sébastien Floche .... French tourist
- Madeleine Damien .... Old woman
- Alain Janey .... Man at café
- Raoul Defosse .... Police Captain
- Ed Marcus .... Exhibit M.C.
- Richard Warlock, Gerald Brutsche, Kevin Johnston, Bob Harris, Carey Loftin, Jesse Wayne, Bill Erickson .... The drivers
- Katia Tchenko* .... Monte Carlo trophy girl
- André Penvern* .... French policeman