Hercules (1997 film)

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Hercules is a 1997 film about the adventures of Hercules, the son of Zeus in Greek mythology.

Directed by Ron Clements and John Musker. Written by Ron Clements, Barry Johnson, Don McEnery, Irene Mecchi, John Musker and Bob Shaw.
A Comedy of Epic Proportions

Contents

[edit] Hercules

  • "Wow. What a day. First that restaurant by the bay... And then that, that play, that, that, that Oedipus thing?! Man! I thought I had problems!"
  • "But, Father, I've defeated every single monster I've come up against. I-I'm... I'm the most famous person in all of Greece. I'm... I-I'm an action figure!"
  • "A true hero. Great! Uh, exactly how do you become a true hero?"
  • "Meg? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

[edit] The Narrator and the Muses

[First lines]
Narrator: Long ago, in the far away land of ancient Greece, there was a golden age of powerful gods and extraordinary heroes. And the greatest and strongest of all these heroes... was the mighty Hercules. But what is the measure of a true hero? Now that is where our story--
Muse: Would you listen to him?!
Muse 2: He's making the story sound like some Greek tragedy!
Muse 3: Lighten up, dude!
Muse 4: We'll take it from here, darling.
Narrator: You go, girls.

[edit] Megara

  • [about Hercules] "He comes on with his big, innocent farm boy routine, but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute."
  • Well, you know how men are. They think 'No' means 'Yes' and 'Get lost' means 'Take me, I'm yours.'
  • "Thanks for everything, Herc. It's been a real slice."
  • [while Hercules stutters for an answer] "Are you always this articulate?"
  • "I'm a big tough girl. I tie my own sandals and everything."
  • "Bye-bye, Wonderboy."
  • "Megara. My friends call me Meg. At least they would if I had any friends. So did they give you a name along with all those rippling pectorals?"
  • [getting down from Pegasus] "I'll be fine. Just get me down before I ruin the upholstery."
  • [seeing Hercules hiding from fans behind a curtain] "Let's see. Who could be behind curtain number one?"
  • [after a mob of female fans have left Hercules] "It's all right. The sea of raging hormones has ebbed."
  • "Everyone in Greece thinks you're the greatest thing since they put the pocket in pita."
  • [as she lays dying in Hercules' arms] "People always do crazy things... [groans] when they're in love."
  • "Do you think your nanny goat would go [squeezes a stress-toy replica of Phil] beserk if you played hooky this afternoon?"
  • "Ah Phil Shmill. Just follow me. Out the window, round the dumbbells, you lift up the back wall, and we're gone."
  • [Hades shoots fire at a Hercules vase and it explodes] "Nice shootin' Rex."

[edit] Hades

  • "How sentimental. You know, I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat! Huh?! [No one replies.] So, is this an audience or a mosaic?"
  • "Well, well. It's a small underworld, after all, huh?"
  • "Zeusy, I'm home!"
  • "Memo to me, memo to me: maim you after my meeting."
  • "He's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness. I mean, for what? Pandora, it was the box thing. For the Trojans, hey. They bet on the wrong horse, okay?"
  • [Hercules has just given up his godly strength] "You may feel just a little queasy, it's kind of natural. Maybe you should sit DOWN!!! [Pins one of Hercules's weights on him. Being fully mortal now, he cannot lift it.] Now you know how it feels to be just like everyone else. Isn't it just peachy?"
  • [to the Titans] "Uh, guys? Olympus would be that way."
  • "I'm about to rearrange the cosmos, and the one schlemiel who can louse it up is WALTZING AROUND IN THE WOODS!!!"
  • [to Hercules] "Alright, so here's the trade-off. You give up your strength for about 24 hours - Okay, say the next 24 hours, [fast] and Meg-here-is-as-free-as-a-bird-and-safe-from-harm, you dance, you kiss, you schmooze, you carry-on, we go home happy... Whaddaya say?"
  • "Meg, Meg, Meg, my sweet, deluded little minion. Aren't we forgetting one teensy-weensy but ever-so-crucial tiny little detail? I OWN YOU!!!"
  • "Baboom. Name's Hades, Lord of the Dead, hi, how ya doin'?"
  • [to the rampaging Titans] "Uh, guys? Olympus would be that way."
  • "Guys, get your titanic rears in gear and kick some Olympian butt! [Pegasus blows out the flames on his head] Whoa, is my hair out?"
  • "Gotta blaze. I have a whole cosmos out there waiting for me... with, hey, my name on it."
  • "Game, Set, Match."
  • "My favorite part of the game... Sudden death."
  • "WE WERE SO CLOSE!!! So close! We tripped at the finish line! Why? Because our little nut-Meg had to go all noble."
  • "The son of my hated rival, trapped forever in the River of Death. Hmm, is there a downside to this...?"
  • [Hercules has saved Meg's soul and regained his immortality; Hades is in a fiery tantrum] "HERCULES, STOP! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME, YOU CAN'T-- [Hercules punches his face inwards] Fine. Okay... [his face pops back out] Okay, well, maybe I deserved that. Herc... Herc? Can we talk? Your dad, he's a fun guy, right? So maybe you could put in a word with him and he'd kinda blow this whole thing off, you know? Meg, c'mon, talk to him, a little schmooze, uh..." [Hercules loses his temper and punches Hades again, sending him flying into the River of Death]
  • [heard after the credits end] "Whaddaya say? It's happy ending time! Everybody's got a little slice of somethin' but me. I got nothin'. I'm - I'm here with nothin'. Is anybody listening?! It's like I'm-- What am I, an echo or something? Hello? Hello? Am I talking to, what, hyperspace?! Hello, it's me. Nobody listens."

[edit] Philocetes

  • "Two words: I. Am. Retired!" [Hercules finger-counts in confusion]
  • "I trained all those would-be heroes. Odysseus, Perseus, Theseus. A lot of "yusses". And every single one of those bums let me down flatter than a discus. None of them could go the distance. (Looking at a statue of a soldier in armour) And then there was Achilles. Now there was a guy who had it all; the build, the foot-speed. He could jab! He could take a hit! He could keep on comin'! [pause] BUT THAT FORSLUGGINER HEEL OF HIS! He barely gets nicked there once (he flicks the statue´s heel and it shatters into tiny fragments) and kaboom! He's history. Yeah, I had a dream. I dreamed I would train the greatest hero there ever was. So great the gods would hang a picture of him in the stars for everyone to see. And everyone would say, "That's Phil's boy." That's right... Ah, but dreams are for rookies, kid. A guy can only take so much disappointment."
  • "One town, a million troubles. The one and only Thebes. The Big Olive itself. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere."
  • "Keep your toga on, pal."
  • "Rein it in, rookie. You can get away with mistakes like those in the minor decathalons, but this is the big leagues!"
  • "Nymphs, they can't keep their hands off me."
  • [As Hercules fights the Hydra, whose heads multiply as they are cut off] "WILL YOU FORGET THE HEAD-SLICING THING?!?!"
  • [singing] "It takes more than sinew, comes down to what's in you, you'll have to continue to gro-o-ow! Now that's more like it!"
  • "Hold it. Zeus is your father, right? [scoffs incredulously] Zeus! The big guy! [makes cradling motion] He's your daddy! [laughs] Mr. Lightning Bolts! Read me a book, will ya, da-da? [laughs, then puts on a gruff voice] "Once upon a time...""
  • [On Pegasus who is acting like a police helicopter and yelling through a bullhorn] "ALL RIGHT BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP! PARTY'S OVER! I'VE BEEN LOOKIN' ALL OVER THIS TOWN!"
  • [singing] "My answer is two words: (Lightning strikes him) ...Okay!"
  • "Like painting a masterpiece, it's a work of heart."
  • "SHE'S A FRAAAAAAAUUUUUUUD!!! SHE'S BEEN PLAYING YOU FOR A SAP!!!"

[edit] Hermes

  • "Fabulous party. Y'know, I haven't seen this much love in a room since Narcissus discovered himself."
  • "Uh, Hephaestus has been captured, my lord. Everyone's been captured. (Pain and Panic grab him) Ah! I've been captured! Hey, watch the glasses."

[edit] Pegasus

  • Neighhhhhh!

[edit] Other

Atropos (Third Fate): "Indoor plumbing. It's gonna be big."
Calliope: "From that day forward, our boy Hercules could do no wrong. He was so hot, steam looked cool."
Charred Thebian: "All we need now is a plague of locusts."
Boy: "Nice goin', Jerk-ules."
Boy: "Someone call IX-I-I!!!" [Note: Roman numerals for "9-1-1"]
Zeus: "I NEED MORE THUNDERBOLTS!"

[edit] Dialogue

The Fates: In 18 years precisely / The planets will align ever so nicely.
Hades: Ay, verse. Oy.
The Fates: The time to act will be at hand / Unleash the Titans, your monstrous band.
Hades: Mmm-hmm. Good, good.
The Fates: Then the once-proud Zeus will finally fall / And you, Hades, will rule all!
Hades: [punches air] Yes! Hades rules!
The Fates: A word of caution to this tale...
Hades: [stops short] Excuse me?
The Fates: Should Hercules fight, you will fail.
[The Fates laugh, then disappear]
Hades: [goes fiery red with rage] WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!?! [calms himself] Okay, fine, fine. I'm cool. I'm fine.
Panic: Hades is gonna kill us when he finds out what happened.
Pain: You mean, if he finds out!
Panic: Of course he's gonna f- If... if is good.
Boy: Sorry, Herc, but we've already got five, and we want to keep it an even number!
Hercules: Hey, five isn't an even-
[Hercules goes to stop Nessus the centaur from manhandling Meg]
Nessus: [looms over him] Step aside, two-legs.
Hercules: [awkwardly] Pardon me, my good, uh... sir, but I suggest you release that young...
Meg: Keep moving, junior.
Hercules: ...lady. But... aren't you... a damsel in distress?
Meg: [struggling in Nessus' grip] I'm a damsel... Ugh! I'm in distress. I can handle this. Have a nice day.
Hercules: "Um, are you all right, Miss-"(gets slapped in the face with Meg's hair)
Meg: Megara. My friends call me "Meg" - at least they would if I had any friends. So, do you have a name along with all those rippling pectorals?
Hercules: "Uh... I... uh... I..."
Meg: "Are you always this articulate?"
Hercules: "Hercules! [clears throat] My name is Hercules."
Meg: "Hercules, huh? I think I prefer "Wonder Boy"."
Meg: "Look, it wasn't my fault, it was this wonder-boy Hercules!"
[Hades freezes in shock; Pain and Panic look nervous]
Panic: "Hercules... why does that name ring a bell?"
Pain: "I don't know- maybe we owe him money?"
Hades: "What... was that name... again?"
Meg: "Hercules. (Hades turns red with fury, Meg continues without noticing) He comes on with this big "innocent farmboy" routine but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute!"
Pain: "Wait a minute. Wasn't Hercules the name of that kid we were supposed to-?" (they both spot Hades reaching for them)
Both: "OH, MY GODS!!!"
Pain: "Run for it!"
Hades: (grabbing them) "So you 'took care of him,' huh?! 'Dead as a doornail'. Weren't those your exact words?!"
Pain: "This might be a different Hercules!"
Panic: "Yeah, I mean Hercules is a... [Hades chokes him] very popular name nowadays!"
Pain: "Remember like a few years ago - every other boy was named Jason and the girls were all named Britney?!"
Hades: "I'm about to rearrange the cosmos... and the one schlemiel who can louse it up... is WALTZING AROUND IN THE WOODS!!!" [Hades literally explodes with rage]
Hercules: "It seems to me that what you folks need is - a hero!"
[None of the Thebians look impressed]
Large Thebian Man: "Yeah? And who are you?"
Hercules: "I happen to be... a hero!"
Hercules: "How am I supposed to be a hero if nobody will give me a chance?"
Phil: "You'll get your chance! You just need some kind of catastrophe or disaster!"
Meg: "Help! Help, somebody!"
Hercules: (brightening) "Meg?"
Phil: "Speaking of disasters..."
Hades: "I can't believe this guy! I've thrown everything I've got at him, and it doesn't even- [hears squeaking, and sees that Pain is wearing "Hercules" sandals] What... Are... Those?"
Pain: "Uh, I don't know. I thought they looked kinda dashing!"
Hades: "I've got 24 hours to get rid of this bozo, or the entire scheme I've been setting up for eighteen years goes up in smoke... and you... are wearing... HIS... MERCHANDISE?!?!"
[Hades is burning up with rage, but his flames turn blue again; he and Pain look left when they hear slurping - Panic is drinking "Herculade"]
Panic: [laughs nervously] "Thirsty?"
[Hades finally snaps, screaming in rage; cut to far away, as Hades blows up an entire mountain, volcano style]
Meg: "Looks like your game's over. Wonder Boy's hitting every curve you throw at him."
Hades: "Oh yeah... [he chuckles and slinks over] I wonder if I've been hitting the right curves at him. [traces the lines of her body] Meg, my sweet?"
Meg: "Don't even go there."
Hades: "See, he's gotta have a weakness, because everybody's got a weakness. I mean, for Pandora it was the box thing, and the Trojans, hey, they bet on the wrong horse! We simply need to find out Wonder Boy's!"
Meg: "I've done my part! Get your little imps to-"
Hades: [interrupting] "They couldn't handle him as a baby! I need someone who can [suggestively] handle him as a man."
Meg: "Hey, I've sworn off manhandling."
Hades: "Well, that's good! Because that's what got you into this whole gig in the first place, isn't it? You sold your soul to me to save your boyfriend's life. And how does this creep thank you? By running off with some babe. He hurt you real bad, Meg, huh?"
Meg: "Look, I learned my lesson, okay?!"
Hades: "Which is exactly why I got a feeling you're gonna leap at my new offer. You give me the key to bringing down "Wonder Breath" and I give you the thing that you crave most in the entire cosmos! [whispers in her ear] Your freedom."
Hercules: "Phil, WHAT'S THE POINT?!"
Phil: "Whaddya mean, "what the point"?! You wanna go to Olympus, don'tcha?"
Hercules: "Yeah, but... this stuff doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere!"
Phil: "You can't give up now, I'm counting on ya!"
Hercules: "I gave this everything I had."
Phil: "Listen, kid. I have seen 'em all, and I am telling you - and this is the honest-to-Zeus truth - [puts a hand on his shoulder] you got something I never seen before!"
Hercules: "Really?"
Phil: "I can feel it right down here in these stubby bow legs of mine! There is nothing you can't do, kid!"
Hercules: "You know, wh-when I was a kid, I-I would have given anything to be exactly like everybody else."
Meg: "Pft... You wanted to be petty and dishonest?"
Hercules: "Everybody's not like that."
Meg: [sadly, mostly to her reflection] "Yes they are."
Hercules: "You're not like that."
Meg: "How do you know what I'm like?"
Hercules: "Meg, when I'm with you, I-I don't feel so alone."
Meg: "Sometimes it's better to be alone."
Hercules: "What do you mean?"
Meg: "Nobody can hurt you."
Hades: "You work for me! If I say "Sing", you say "Hey, name that tune!" If I say "I want Wonder-Boy's head on a platter", you say..."
Meg: "Medium or well done?"
[Phil is trying to warn Hercules about Meg's hidden intentions.]
Phil: Kid, listen to me! She's...
Hercules: A dream come true?
Phil: Not exactly.
Hercules: More beautiful than Aphrodite?
Phil: Aside from that.
Hercules: The most wonderful...
Phil: [losing his temper] SHE'S A FRAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUD!!!!! SHE'S BEEN PLAYIN' YOU FOR A SAP!!!!!
Hercules: Stop kidding around, Phil.
Phil: I'm not kiddin' around!
Hercules: Look, I know you're upset about today, but that's no reason to...
Phil: Kid, you're missin' the point!
Hercules: The point is, I love her!
Phil: She don't love you!
Hercules: You're crazy.
Phil: She's nothing but a two-timin'...
Hercules: Stop it!
Phil: ... low-down, lyin', schemin'...
Hercules: SHUT UP!!! [hits Phil]
Hades: [in a dramatic tone] Brothers! Titans! Look at you in your squalid prison! Who put you down there?!
Titans: Zeuuuuuuuus...
Hades: [opening the Titans' prison] And now that I set you free, what's the first thing you're going to do?!
Titans: [fists break through the earth] DESTROY HIM!!!
Hades: [smirking] Good answer.
[Phil is getting ready to leave Thebes. Meg, riding Pegasus, comes flying in.]
Meg: Phil! Phil, Hercules needs your help.
Pegasus: Neighhhhhh!
Phil: [angrily] What does he need me for when he's got friends like you?!
Meg: He won't listen to me.
Phil: Good! He's finally learned something!
[He starts to leave again but is stopped when Pegasus and Meg fly in front of him.]
Meg: Look, I know what I did was wrong, but this isn't about me, it's about him. If you don't help him now, Phil, he'll die.
[After Hercules regains his godhood]
Zeus: Fine work, my boy! You've done it! You're a true hero.
Hera: You were willing to give your life to rescue this young woman. [indicates Meg]
Zeus: For a true hero isn't measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart.

[edit] Cast

[edit] External links

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