Hetalia - Axis Powers
Hetalia: Axis Powers is a manga and anime series created by Hidekazu Himaruya. The story is based off world history, mainly the events of World War II. Each main character is a personification of an actual country.
[edit] Season 1
[edit] Episode 1
- America: Dude, I think the World Conference can convene. Solving all of the world's problems by talking excessively! No matter how hard it seems, we can fix anything with enough meetings and photo ops. Feel free to speak honestly while protecting your chances for re-election. I'll go first! About that whole using global warming to enslave humanity thing I think we'll be OK if we genetically engineer a huge hero and have him protect the Earth. I give you the super hero - Globoman!
- Japan: I agree with America-
- Switzerland: Man up or I'll beat you with my peace prize!
- England: There's no way some hero will help global warming or humanity's enslavement.
- Germany: Everyone shut up!
- England & France: Germany!
- Germany:We've called this conference to solve the world's problems, not to fight about the problems of our past. And since I'm the only country who seems to know how to run a meeting we'll follow my rules from here on out. Eight minutes each for speeches, no chit chat about side deals and absolutely no going over the time limit. Now if you want to go, make sure you're prepared and raise your hand but do so in a way that does not mock any salute of my country's past.
- Italy's hand goes up* Germany recognizes his friend, Italy!
- Italy: PASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
[edit] Episode 2
- Germany:weird why has someone left these tomatoes -nein!!
- Italy:Hello to you, i'm a box of tomato's fairy, i come in peace, let us be friends and play with each other!
- Germany:i think someones inside!
- Italy:your wrong there's no one inside do not open the box!
- Germany:damn this is heavy
[edit] Episode 3
- Italy: Germany, Germany. Germany is a really really nice place. Even though I'm your prisoner, you give me food, and it doesn't suck like English food. Sausages with cheeses always taste so good, it'd be heaven for a dog - yeah that's Germany. Tell me how is it you Germans are so robust? You're crushing me with your intimidation, my fragility causes me to openly weep out of fear, your women terrify me. Is it the norm to drink a barrel of beer and then bust it on somebody's head? Please don't come to my place in large mobs, German tourists are scary. Even the girls that are from Germany are more rugged than I am. Yahoo!
[edit] Episode 12
France: Sir Britain... I have something important to say to you. ...I would like... for you to marry me.
England: That's very funny, France. I don't believe it's April Fool's day yet. ... What's the matter old chap? Can't even afford to buy a calendar anymore? *nervous laugh*
France: You are wrong, Mon ami, and zis is not so funny.
England: Right, what the hell is wrong with you?!
France: *pushing a piece of paper across the table to England* Here, take dis.
England: THAT'S A MARRIAGE REGISTRATION FORM, YOU IDIOT!
France: *grabbing England's hand* No it's not. Can't you see it is a calendar?
England: ...
France: IT'S FOR YOU! IT IS A CALENDAR!
[edit] Season 2
[edit] Episode 16
- Russia: Oh privet. I'm Russia. I'd like to be introdoucing my big and little sister now. First, please say hello to my big sister Ukraine, she's nice but not much to look at. This is my little sister, Belarus, she's pretty, not nice. The important thing is that they're both very weird *gets depressed* So weird *more depressed* So weird *MORE depressed* So weird *goes into a depression*
- Russia: This is Ukraine, when I say big sister I mean big sister. Apparently her breasts are so giant they make her back hurt. Also she's poor, so those are real.
- Russia: This is Ukraine. She's my big sister. With those collosal breasts of hers, she ends up being a target a lot. She's goofy which is fun. But she's also a crybaby which is weak.
- Russia: This is Belarus, my little sister. She's very pretty isn't she? She says she loves me but sometimes I'm not so sure.
- Russia: This is Belarus. She's my little sister. She has got a lot of inner strength and is very tenacious… but… not in a good way.
[edit] Episode 17
- Russia: One day, my older sister said..
- Ukraine: *with tears* Bye, it's been nice knowing you brother. At this rate we will never see each other again. *runs away*
- Russia: And she turned around and left my house for good. Right now, she's trying to make new friends in the European Union.
- Ukraine: Please, I have to find a friend. *scared and sad* Will someone be friends with me? I all alone in the cold and lonely world. I'm not ready to fend for myself. I'm scared. And lacking natural defensive borders. And high speed Internet..
- Russia: *worried* Hey sis. Stop it!
[edit] Season 3
[edit] Episode 9
- 'Spain: "Listen up,in spanish Kiss me is Dome uh beso
[ChibiRomano ignores him and eats pizza]
- Spain: Romano!So how are those lessons coming along?
- ChibiRomano: Spanish is stupid and hard to learn since the words are all wrong
- Joanna of Castile: So Spain,how is your education of Italy coming along?
- Spain: *sweatdrop*Ehehe,kinda bad actually
- ChibiRomano: *flirty*I know this! Besame mala chica!!
- Spain: Her highness is not a bad girl you twit!!
[edit] Hetalia Axis Powers: Paint It White
Iceland: How skit. I hardly get any tourists any more. I don't care what it takes, I gotta get popular again...Hi. Nice to meet you, I'm Iceland, a new character.
America: Dudes, this is an emergency! As the paper in front of you with those crazy drawings that are supposedly wordcest, a majority of humanity has been turned into nopera ghosty blotch by the freaking beam of light that shoots out of other nopera-bo-ba or baaa I don't really know how to say it. Tony, my righteous alien dude friend told me they're pictonians from the planet Picto. For reals dudes, Picto's way far out of space.
England: Your brain's way far out in space!
America: Dude, they're born looking like nopera and they want everybody else looking just like what they're doing, HELLO! Listen up! we can't just let these nopera dudes make earth all freaking boringly white, right? This is black! We gotta stop these dudes! Who's with me? Also, what's a nopera?
Japan: Oh yes, I know what they are. It is a Japanese monster without a nose, eyes, or a mouth. Its proper name is noperabo, ok?
England: Wait a take, are you trying to say this is all your fault Japan?
Japan: No! I was simply exlaining what nopera means! No more, no less.
China: Why do I have to be turned into nopera because of stupid Japan and scary story...
Japan: It's not my fault!
America: Focus countries! Japan may have screwed things up, but we still have time to fix it! Now, your ideas will all suck so listen to me. We'll combine all our military strength! I'll be in command so you can al wear the colors of my flag! All heroes wear red, white, and blue!
Italy: I think we should gather under the white flag!
England: Why in God's name would we put you in charge?
America: Duh, I'm the hero, everybody knows that!
England: I beg to differ...
France: Everybody knows I've got the goodest-
England: No one asked you, cheezy monkey!
France: Shut up black sheep of europe!
England: I told you not to call me that!
China: Ugh. They never stop talking...
Italy: White flags! Come on, I made a whole lot of them! See! You can each have your very own!
America: So, you think I'm right, right?
Japan: Uh, well, this is why I sense the mood and refrain from speaking.
America: Russia! What are you gonna do dude?
Russia: I'm going to do fighting! ^)^
America: Rock out my dawg, I've got the perfect job for you to have then! Back-up sidekick!
Russia: What?!
America: Yeah, every super-hero needs a sidekick, I should know that I'm the hero. They even make big-butchin Hollywood crazy good movies about it!
England: We also have top-notch productions in the UK!
France: Um, time-traveling film-works can only go so far,
England: Shut up, Pépé le Peu, just because you invented movie-making doesn't mean you're any good at it! All your films are good for are putting me to sleep!
China: Just have you know, my movies have been very popular lately.
America: Dude, you can't compete with Michael Baisden.
China: That attitude is why I was such a filth!
Japan: Mine are more quietly aritistic with cultural story-telling.
Italy: My films are the most white flag ones if you ask me!
Germany: THAT IS ENOOOOOUUUUUUGH! WHILE YOU SIT HERE AND ARGUE ABOUT NOTHING, MORE OF MANKIND ARE TURNING INTO THOSE NOPERA OR PICTONIANS OR WHATEVER IT'S CALLED. NOW LISTEN. IF WE HAVE BEEN TURNED INTO THOSE THINGS, WE'LL LOSE OUR FACES SO WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE ANY OF US FROM THE OTHER. THINK ABOUT IT YOU DUMMKOPHHHSSSSSS!
America: Ha ha ha. No need to argue, cuz I'm right!
Russia: I know my ideas are best because otherwise I'd kill them.^J^
China: I'm only aloud to hear my thoughts and those are the ones I like.
Germany: Alright then. I'm done here. I don't know why I even thought that we could have a simple discussion. That's not how we work is it. What a waste. This entire meeting has been pointless. I will do what I have to do and you do what you have to.
Russia: That's exactly what I was going to say ^J^
China: There's too much fighting together to figure out if we should even fight together anyway.
France: I am far too gorgeous to have been in a stuffy room for so long.
England: I am far too gorgeous to-
France: Shut up France!
America: Ha ha ha ha! I was just trying to help! I don't need you guys, I'm the hero!
Japan: Ah. My belly. It hurts.
Italy: Uhuh! Hey, wait up you guys! Come on, don't leave me here by myself!
Canada: I'm still here. And I hate to complain, but no one even bothered to ask for my opinion.
Kumajrou: Who are you?
Canada: I'm Canada.
Romano: WAAAH! What the crapola happened here?
Russia': One for you. One for you ^ J^
China: Oh no! I'm turning into a pictonian!
America: China!
England: America!
Italy: PASTA~!
Italy:Look I drew a face!
[edit] America
"Let's start with tackling the issue of global warming. I know that's a hot topic right now, but I think we can keep it in check if we create a giant hero to protect the planet."
"Dude! Christmas rocks! We know how to do it right, here! First, we X out the 'Christ' part to make it extreme! Then we shop and eat stuff 'til we're sick! Wanna shovel down some X-Mas cake to get in the spirit?"
"I'll do what I always do best! And that means...I'm the hero!"
"Okay. So I've, like, designed a really sweet attack plan that I'm calling Attack Plan Alpha, like 'Alpha Dog'. WOOF!"
"China! I choose you!"
"Both my beef and my dreams are super-sized!"
"I even smell like a hero!"
"I feel like we're summoning the devil!"
[edit] Austria
"I shall now show my utter disgust and anger with you through the piano."
"Prussia has seized and occupied my vital regions!"
"Stop pulling on Mariazell!"
[While being smacked in the face by France] "You are an ass."
"Forget EVERYTHING!"
[edit] Belarus
[to Russia] "If you marry me then our souls will be bonded for all eternity."
"Big Brother, Why you leave me here with double D means double dumb.Hurry up and come out or I'll find you~"
"KEKKON. KEKKON. KEKKON."
[edit] Britain
[day dreaming]"I have the silkiest hair in the whole world!"
[to France] "America is my little brother!"
"No surprise...the meeting ended once again without any resolution. Blast all. I really do wish there was someone around here who I didn't always fight with. ...Flying Mint Bunny! Did you come to try to cheer me up, huh? ...This is great! All my magical friends at the same time! But let's have no murders this go around, okay? I'm serious guys! Hey, no fair chewing on my sleeve, Uni! I'm too ticklish, so stop the snuggling! You're naughty, Captain Hook, Tinkerbell's not big enough. Take that big, goofy, kissy face back to your little leprechaun friends, since they're the only ones who care! Kidding! Seriously, you're all nutburgers! What am I to do with you?"
"Am I Catholic...or Protestant? God, I don't know..."
"Bring on the fire...bring on the hell...set everything ablaze so that no trace remains..."
"[narrating] Busby's chair. Anyone who sits in it will die a swift and likely painful death. Except, apparently, for Russia."
[edit] Canada
"I'm Canada!"
"I'm Canadia!"
"Why doesn't anyone remember me?"
"Eh?"
"China and I are to be married~!"
[edit] China
[after labeling a map of Europe as his own] "China take all. You can go home now. "
"AI-YAH!"
"Kawaii aru~!"
"Panda~!"
"Suck ball!"
"I knew that fortune cookie I had this morning was bad lie!"
- China Opens Present That Finland Gave Him* China: "Kitty!"
[edit] France
[to Britain] "I would like...for you to marry me."
"It's a cloak, non?"
"Smack~ smack~ smack~ smack~"
"Aw crap my fish!"
(to England about Canada)"Duh he is Canada. I recognize him from his sexy hair which is so much like my own. Just not as good."
(to England) I enjoy messing with your needlework.
"Ohonhonhonhonhonhonhon...."
[edit] Estonia
[mockingly to Russia] "Oh, you're so tough. Next you'll try to pick a fight with Haiti."
"LATVIAAAA!"
[edit] Germany
"Everybody shut up!"
"Hey look it how the door just opened, you could totally run away if you wanted to!"
"Germany recognizes his friend Italy!"
"Friends? Ja, this could work...we don't have to kiss do we?"
"So I captured Italy, but all I hear is the singing and the laughing and weird accents."
"How the holy fuhrer did he get into my bed?!"
"I will punch you in the throat!"
"If you keep talking like this I will have no choice but to shoot you in the head!"
" I ounce killed a man with his own mustache and a grape."
[edit] Italy
"PASTAAAAAAAA!"
"Ve~"
"You can order me around and I'll disappoint you!"
"The other day, I had an extremely disgusting pizza. England made it."
"That's an easy one, sir! Surrender immediately, kiss their butts, sing, eat and go to bed."
"Stars are magical!"
"I know I'm not strong, but I'm cute!"
"Why are you pointing a gun at me? I already told you I'd tell you everything I know, which is pretty much everything I know! Please don't kill me, please!"
[After hearing France's advice on how to keep friends] "Hey Japan! Want to see my butt?"
[to a frightened Romano] "Germany's a nice guy. He helps me out when I'm in a bind, he has big manly muscles and he can even tie his own shoes! And in the summertime, he comes over to my house and puts up a tent in the park to play! He's fun, so you shouldn't be afraid of him!"
[after being told to put on clothing] "But I'm hot and I'm Italian and all the chicks dig it!"
[Begging Germany] "Aaaaaaaah! I'm so sorry! You were right, i am not a box of tomatoes faeries at all! It was all lies, lies, LIES! Please don't shoot me, I don't want to die! And what if I don't die but am just mortally wounded and forced to lie in a pool of my own blood? I'll do anything, well, I mean within reason, I don't want to dieeeeeeee!Please I'm a virgin! Where do you think they get virgin olive oil from?! Your not supposed to kill a virgin! We're pathetic enough as it is!!"
"Germany! Germany! There was a pretty girl so I hit on her, but it turns out the pretty girl was France in disguise!"
[edit] Japan
"Sir! I respond Japanese way! Be uncrear! Say one thing, but mean something erse compretery opposite, rike, 'I'rr think about it!' Rie to them!"
"(to Italy) Not if you paid me mirrion dorrar."
"I am very preased to meet you."
"Me no rikey."
(to America) Japan: Who goes there?! Thieves wirr receive no mercy!" "Really? You look so ord and digusting." "Your people don't age very werr at arr do they?"
[edit] Korea
"da ze!"
"Quotes were invented in Korea, you know!"
"Japan's breasts belong to korea!"
[edit] Lithuania
"POLAND-O!"
"Oh great and powerful Russia! I brought to you some hot tea!"
[after waking from a bad dream] "POLAND! YOU ARE A TRAITOR AND A BAD FRIEND!"
[edit] Poland
"Risking my life for European politics would make me gassy."
[To Lithuania] "Like, I have to hang up, cause I totally have to go make a pee-pee."
"Stop being such a betch, Sweden."
[After discussing his battle strategy with France & England; mentions that he bought an army of ponies] "They'll shoot right over our heads!"
[Poland's pony walks on screen] "Yo wassup, playa?"
[edit] Prussia
"Hey, Austria! It must suck balls to have Silesia taken away by force, huh?"
"Kesesesese!"
"Beer! Beer!"
"West won't drink beer!"
"I am zee awesome Prussia!"
"Look at my soldiers und their mean faces! I taught them that face~!"
[edit] Russia
"KOLKOLKOLKOLKOL"
(as he jumps out of a plane)"VODKAAAAAA~!"
"I hide dark secret that no one will guess because of my sweet face."
"All of my ideas are the best because otherwise I would kill them."
(to China)"I'm Russian, I know everything about snow."
"My homeland is very large and cold and people hate each other quietly."
"KAETTE!"
"HEAVENS TO THE BETSY! What strange and terrifying news is this?!"
[edit] Sealand
"I may be small, but I've got a big heart!"
"My name is Sea-kun, desu yo~"
[edit] South Italy (Romano)
"Eat lead, you potato sucking b******!"
"MUSTACHE~"
"Yeah, Great, Another night of garlic-smelling dutch ovens!
"WAAAH! What the crapola happened here?"
[edit] Spain
"Hey, why don't you say something Russia? They'll stop fighting if you go over and step in"
(to ChibiRomano) "YOU PEED ON THE FLOOR!?!?"
"Fusosososo!"
[Chibi Romano is punching him] (Spain's thoughts) Spain: "Why is Romano so angry with me? He must've found out I wanted to trade him... What's with all of the hitting, he keeps missing my- OH NO. He got them with that last one...The pain'll be flooding in any second now. I'll hug him as soon as I can move again."
[edit] Switzerland
"Man up or I'll beat you with my peace prize!"
"Christmas is about family and loving people. Now get bent!"
"I think... it tastes like sandwich."
"I'm going to kill you until you are dead!"
[edit] Finland
"Well then, I'll tell you a funny joke while we're waiting in line! That way, I'm guaranteed to get a laugh out of it!"
"Ahhh... Christmas is coming." *gets pictofied* "HO HO HO!"
[edit] Dialogue
- Italy: Big Brother, and that means "intercourse"?
- France: It is an act of love with a pleasing your man. Simply put, you're doing "it" by hand, and "the" mouth. And ... all the rest of the language.
- [The Allies and the Axis stop fighting to see Britain standing next to Busby's chair with a menacing smile on his face.]
- France: That's Busby's chair...
- America: I don't know what that means...
- China: It's a chair that's been cursed.
- Britain: Correct. Does anyone have the courage to sit down in this accursed chair? [Russia then sits down in the chair while Britain isn't looking.]
- Russia: Ah...Comfy...
- Britain: [Nervous] No! What the hell are you doing?! It's not supposed to be you! Get out of there right now! [The chair disintegrates after Russia out-evil's it.]
- [Britain is narrating about Busby's chair.]
- Britain: [Narrating] Busby's chair: Long ago, Thomas Busby viciously beat a man to death for sitting in this; his favorite chair. After being convicted of murder, he reportedly cursed the chair on his way to the gallows. He swore anyone who ever sat in his chair would suffer the same fate he was about to face. It is said the chair is responsible for sending over sixty to their deaths. [Later, Britain swaps America's chair out with Busby's, hoping he'll sit in it.] I've got it now. I'll switch America's chair with Busby's during the meeting! America won't be able to jive talk his way out of this one! I can't believe I didn't think about cursing him like this sooner! [Russia then sits in Busby's chair while Britain isn't looking.]
- Russia: Oh, доброе утро (Good morning) Britain. You're here kind of early today, aren't you? [Russia then out evil's the chair, making it disintegrate.]
- America: Check it out yo, how kick ass is my new fighter plane of doom!? Dude, it blowin your mind yet or what?
- England: [sigh] I don't get it, why did you call me all the way out here to look at a silly air plane. [snickers] Its just (stupid) I could never come up with the same design. I think its (stupid) very unique.
- America: Hey thanks, man! It was actually created to help me beat the holy hell out of you! So I'm glad you think its stud!
- [France is giving young England a haircut]
- France: [holds up a mirror to England's face] "So what do you think?"
- England: "I look just like you.. a giant douchebag."
- England: [chanting]santo rita meeta meta ringo jonah tito marlin jack lotoya janet michael dumbledora the explorer.
- santo rita meeta meta ringo jonah tito marlin jack lotoya janet michael dumbledora the explorer. I summon you from the depths of hell.SHOW YOURSELF!!
- [Russia appeared from the ground]
- Russia: You called?
- [silence]
- England: [pushes Russia back]I WASNT CALLING YOU!!!
