Hetalia - Axis Powers
Hetalia - Axis Powers is a manga and anime series created by Hidekaz Himaruya. The story is based off world history, mainly the events of World War I through World War II. Each main character is a personification of an actual country. Each character is normally referred to as their country name, such as America or Spain, but they also have human names like Alfred or Antonio. The series started as a webcomic, and later became a web series, which is the reason for each episode being only five minutes. It was originally made in Japanese, but English subtititles and an English dub is available.
- America: Dude, I think the World Conference can convene. Solving all of today's problems by talking excessively! No matter how hard it seems, we can fix anything with enough meetings and photo ops. Feel free to speak honestly while protecting your chances for re-election. I'll go first! About that whole using global warming to enslave humanity thing, I think we'll be okay if we genetically engineer a huge hero and have him protect the Earth - I give you the super hero, 'Globoman'!
- Japan: I agree with America.
- Switzerland: Man up or I'll beat you with my peace prize!
- England: There's no way some hero will help global warming or humanity's enslavement.
- France: If Britain and America don't agree, how can I be superior by dissing them both?
- England: AGINCOURT!
- America: You Frenchies just love to hate America. Why not go back to making us hot green chick statues like you used to?
- China: Western nations are so immature. I doubt they ever grow up. Maybe I can try appealing to the only organ of theirs that seems to work. Would you guys like to sample some Chinese tasty treats?
- France and Britain: We'd just get hungry again!
- Spain: Hey, why don't you say something Russia? They'll stop fighting if you go over and step in.
- Russia: What? Why me? No thanks. I want to see Lithuania get in big trouble and come crawling back for help. Then Latvia will be right behind.
- Estonia: You're so tough, next you'll try to pick a fight with Haiti.
- Russia: Do you have a miniature detachable head?
- Poland: If you take one step closer to Lithuania I'll whip out a minature Lech Wałęsa and go all Solidarność on you!
- China: Please everyone, calm down!
- Germany: Everyone shut up!
- England and France: Germany?!
- Germany:We've called this conference to solve the world's problems, not to fight about the problems of our past. And since I'm the only country who seems to know how to run a meeting, we'll follow my rules from here on out. Eight minutes each for speeches, no chit chat about side deals, and absolutely no going over the time limit. Now if you want to go, make sure you're prepared and raise your hand, but do so in a way that does not mock any salute of my country's past. [Italy's hand goes up] Germany recognizes his friend Italy!
- Italy: ... PASTA----!
- que opening theme*
- Italy [singing a song about Germany] Germany! Germany! Germany is a really, really nice place. Even though I'm your prisoner you give me food, and it doesn't suck like English food. Sausages with cheeses always taste so good. It'd be heaven for a dog. Yeah that's Germany. Tell me, how is it you Germans are so robust. You're crushing me with your intimidation. My fragility causes me to openly weep out of fear. Your women terrify me. Is it the norm to drink a barrel of beer and then bust it on somebody's head? Please don't come to my place in large mobs; German tourists are scary. Even the girls that are from Germany are more rugged than I am. Yahoo!
- Italy [pops up as Germany is busy making cuckoo clocks to settle a debt towards France] Germany! Help me find a job. My family has become extremely poor. [is promptly kicked out]
- Germany Don't come bothering me about a job! I can't do anything except work all day to pay back France!
Hetalia Opening Song
- Italy: Germany, Germany, a stranger said he would take me to a tasty dinner so I went to go get the pasta, but it turned out he only had hamburgers the whole time!
- America: Yo Britain, I totally just caught Italy.
- Italy: Please, but, but, oh.
- England: Nicely Done. Let's hit him violently and get what we can out of him.
- Italy: No need, I'll tell you everything I know.
- America: This dude is lame. Maybe we should make him work
- Italy: [Crash] My bad, oopsy.
- America: Okay, so what now.
- England: I wrote a letter to Germany. This is what it said 'Please prepare him good food, a cute girl and a foot/soccer ball. Also, he will die if he accidentally learns French, so be careful'
- Italy: They said they sent me back because I was to much work!
- Germany: Welcome back, Italy.
- Italy: Germany, Germany, there was a pretty girl so I hit on her, but it tuned out the pretty girl was France in disguise!
- France: Honnnn, guess who just captured us a little Italy.
- America: What?!
- England: What?!
- America: He's such a pain, let's put put him in jail or something.
- Italy: Woof Woof!
- England: Alright, I'll just feed him
- Italy: Woof Woof!
- Italy: AHHHH! THIS FOOD TASTES TERRIBLE! I'VE NEVER EATEN SOMETHING SO INCREDIBLE BLAND AND DISGUSTING!
- England: It's terrible...? You think my food bland...?
- Italy: AHHH! OH THE WORST! EVEN GERMANY'S MUSHY POTATOES TASTE BETTER THEN THIS SOGGY MESS OF GOO!
- America: You're not helping.
- Germany: Welcome back, again.
- Italy: Germany, Germany, I'm in north Africa right now and I can't tie my shoe laces. What's even worse, Britain is here!
- Germany: Ugh. *High blood pressure*
- England: Come see, I've captured Germany by using Italy as a decoy
- Germany: Damn, I should have know it was a trap.
- America: Rock out, Britain!
- France: Oui! Now you will tell us everything you know, or else.
- Germany: Before I tell you, there is something I want to say. It goes a little something like this, LICK MEIN BALLS!
- Italy: Ahh! Why are you pointing a gun at me I already told you I would tell you everything I know which is pretty much everything I know!Please don't kill me, please!
- Germany: Do your worse, compared to my everyday life your kind of torture would be like bites from a mosquito.
- Italy: Germany kind of a sadist, actually he's a dead super kind of sadist with a lot of hardcore books and DVD you can't guess what I have seen living with him! There was this one video I saw that had dogs in it! He really likes tying people up too and I'm sure you know what means! Up until recently his government enforced bestiality with all it's soldiers!!!
- Germany: Breathing heavily ... I hate you and your ass face.
Female voice over: Although Italy is small, he's kind of a pig. So the meals he's getting just aren't enough.
- Italy Uhhhh. Pasta, you hiding here?
- HRE: Huh?
- Italy: Hmmm, no way I'm eating this crap.
- HRE: Hmm
- Italy: I'm so hungry. Hold on, is that food? Is it there for me? ahah~! Thank you, who ever you are! nom nom nom This sucks.
- HRE: ah!
- Austria: What do I do with you? You steal food whenever I turn my back.
- Austria: You think about what you did, you got it?
- Italy: I'm starving in here! AHHH!
- Japan: Hai. Japan.
- Italy: Japan, Japan, Help me. Help me! Help me! Help me!Help me!
- Japan: We shall see.
- France: Sir Britain... I have something important to say to you. ...I would like... for you to marry me.
- England: T-That's very funny, France. I don't believe it's April Fool's day yet. ... What's the matter old chap? Can't even afford to buy a calendar anymore? *nervous laugh*
- France: You are wrong, mon ami, and this is not so funny.
- England: Right, what the hell is wrong with you?!
- France: [pushes a piece of paper across the table to England] Here, take this.
- England: THAT'S A MARRIAGE REGISTRATION FORM, YOU IDIOT!
- France: [grabs England's hand] No it's not. Can't you see it is a calendar?
- England: ...
- France: IT'S FOR YOU! IT IS A CALENDAR! [grabs England's hand while holding a pen] You shall sign it!
- England: I will do no such thing!
- France: I said sign it!
- England: No! [frees himself from France's grasp; scribbles all over the form] Here's what I think of your damn form! That's what happens when you try to force someone to marry you! [laughs]
- France: You fool! Damnit! Don't you even care if I die?! Come on, help me! Please, I can become England's quaint little French village if you want me to.
- England: No! Why on Earth would I want to marry you? First off, you need to learn to deal with and accept your failures.
- France: [hooks his arms up under England's arms; he gets a creepy pleasure face and starts laughing a French laugh]
- England: [being dragged backwards by France] Release your grip! Are you listening? I said let go this minute, France, this is rather undignified!
- Russia: Oh privyet. I'm Russia. I'd like to be introducing my big and little sister now. First, please say hello to my big sister Ukraine. She's nice but not much to look at. This is my little sister, Belarus, she's pretty, not nice. The important thing is that they're both very weird... [saddens] So weird...
- Russia: This is Ukraine, when I say big sister I mean big sister. Apparently her breasts are so giant they make her back hurt. Also she's poor, so those are real.
- Russia: This is Ukraine. She's my big sister. With those collosal knockers of hers, she ends up being a target a lot. She's goofy which is fun. But she's also a crybaby which is weak.
- Russia: This is Belarus, my little sister. She's very pretty isn't she? She says she loves me but sometimes I'm not so sure.
- Russia: This is Belarus. She's my little sister. She has got a lot of inner strength and is very tenacious. But... not in a good way.
[Russia and China are in a plane above the Russian border]
- Russia: Ok... So all I have to do is jump out of this plane and attack them, right?
- China: That's right. Put on your parachute now.
- Russia: Don't be silly! There's plenty of snow on the ground. It'll break my fall because it's soft.
- China: What? I don't think that's right!
- Russia: I am Russian! I know everything about snow. Well, see you around! [jumps out of the plane] Vodkaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
[Title sequence; France is reading a newspaper at England's house]
- France: Hey, see this? It says here Russia broke his back jumping from a plane without a parachute.
- England: Hm... Oh yeah? HEY! Why don't you go surrender to the maid or invent some new cheese?! Why are you here?!
- France: Because. I like to mess with your needlework.
[cut to Russia's house]
- Russia: Here I am, yay!
- Lithuania: Welcome home Mr. Russia! I heard that you had very important meeting today. You must be tired now. Everyone one was there today, right? Did America say anything stupid?
- Estonia: Hey, word of advice, friend. Never mention America to Russia, it makes him mad! Ah ha ha! We've prepared cold cabbage stew soup, with a nice vodka dipping sauce! He he!
- Latvia: I'm glad you're home! I hope that everyone treated you well! We were taking bets on whether or not you'd be called a drunk or if they'd bring up Lake Placid on a Miracle on Ice!
- Lithuania and Estonia: That hasn't happened yet!
- Estonia: Well, I'm going to leave the room! [exits]
- Lithuania: [thinks] Curse Estonia's brilliance, it's allowed him to slip away again!
[Russia is at the coat rack; Latvia is behind him]
- Russia: Hey, do you know where the coat I left hanging here went to?
- Latvia: I moved it, sir. I knew we couldn't leave such a valued museum piece hanging around. The pure absurdity of that stupid coat would be studied for insight into your history. From the early days of overbearing Czars and opulence. Your currents in like minimalism, fraternity and sheer force of power.
- Russia: Bad choice. I like to wear that absurd coat almost every day of the week.
- Latvia: WHAT?! I'm sorry, I didn't know you still wore it!
- Lithuania: [to Latvia; fearfully] Oh... Shut up!
- Latvia: What I really meant, Mr. Russia, is that I think it's a great sacrifice for you to share your history. These days too many kids know nothing of the old ways your coat represents. And, see, clothes are for insight into the past.
- Russia: I just bought that coat last week. [puts hand on Latvia's head and applies a bit of pressure] I was wondering what makes you such a itty-bitty guy, Mr. Latvia.
- Latvia: Well, it could be because of you. I mean because of your hand. Every time you see me you crush my cervical vertebrae a bunch. Perhaps if you weren't so affectionate, the blood could continue to flow to my brain when you're around.
- Russia: [looks at Latvia with a close-eyed smile]
- Latvia: [looks back at Russia with a fearful expression, wondering what Russia is thinking]
[cut to the kitchen; kettle steams]
- Russia: [holds Latvia by the head and foot] Streeetch! [laughs] Streeetch! [laughs again]
- Estonia: [smiling for once] Wow. Would you look at the time?
[cut to different room; The Baltics are chatting]
- Lithuania: Man, what's up with the constant diary of the mouth, Latvia? You want to go to the guilloche?
- Latvia: I can't take all this pressure! Why don't we switch sides and go live with Germany?
- Lithuania: What?! Have you gone crazy?! Do you think Auschwitz is better than Siberia?
- Estonia: I think I'm gonna have to go in alone for a while and see if that's any better.
- Latvia: NO! I'm scared of him and I don't want to be alone! It feels so safe in his hairy arms!
- Estonia: You should really try keeping your mouth more close-ed.
- Lithuania: Let's ignore out pain. And food is the surest path to blissful procrastination. I'm sinking about making Cepelinai.
- Latvia: But I want some Putra.
- Estonia: I'll just have a snack, maybe some Piirakka.
[each of the three is shown smiling; cut to the dining room; The Baltics are eating]
- Lithuania: We're really very different, aren't we?
- Latvia: It's not just our food, it's like we're different races.
- Estonia: It gets little old being lumped together as the Baltic states.
[cut to the island; England is seen in front of a large, wooden crate]
- England: [pulls a small pint of ice cream out of the crate; holds a partially eaten banana in the other hand] Hey, America! There's some pints of ice cream in this care package. I won't touch the stuff but I thought you might like it.
- America: [looks behind him; turns completely around suddenly] Whoa, ice cream?! Dude I'm totally coming over there to hug you! *slips on a banana peel* Ice creeeeeeeam! [lands right in front of England] Oof!
[cut to the hospital; America is in a bed with a broken foot and bandages on his head]
- America: [has one of the pints of ice cream now; moves a spoonful to his mouth] Om!
[Marukaite Chikyuu plays]
- Lithuania: I'm Lithuania.
- Estonia: I'm Estonia.
- Latvia: I'm Latvia.
- Lithuania: I'm Lithuania.
- Estonia: I'm Estonia.
- Latvia: I'm Latvia.
- Lithuania, Estonia and Latvia: [in unison] Together, we're the nervous trembling trio.
- Spain: Listen up, in spanish, Kiss me is Dame un beso.
- [Chibi Romano (nicknamed "Chibimano") ignores him and eats pizza]
- Spain: Romano! So, how are those lessons coming along?
- Chibimano: Spanish is stupid and hard to learn cuz the words are all wrong
- Joanna of Castile: So Spain, how is your education of Italy coming along?
- Spain: *sweatdrop* Ehehe, kinda bad actually.
- Chibimano: *flirty* I know this! Besame mala chica!
- Spain: Her highness is not a bad girl you twit!
Hetalia Axis Powers: Paint It White
Iceland: How skit. what the cripes? I hardly get any tourists any more. I don't care what it takes, I gotta get popular again...Hi. Nice to meet you, I'm Iceland, a new character.
America: Dudes, this is an emergency! As the paper in front of you with those crazy drawings that are supposedly words says, a majority of humanity has been turned into a noppera ghosty blobs by the freaky beam of light that shoots out of other noppera-bo-ba or baaa I don't really know how to say it. Tony, my righteous alien friend told me they're pictonians from the planet Picto. For reals dudes, Picto's way in like, way far outer space.
England: YOUR BRAIN'S IN WAY FAR OUTER SPACE!
America: Dude, they're born looking like noppera and they want everybody else looking just like what they're doing, HELLO! Listen up! we can't just let these noppera dudes make earth all freaking boringly white, right? This is wack! We gotta stop these dudes ! Who's with me?... Also, what's a noppera?
Japan: Oh yes, I know what they are. It is a Japanese monster without a nose, eyes, or a mouth. It's proper name is nopperabo, okay?
England: Wait a tick, are you trying to say this is all your fault Japan?
Japan: No! I was simply explaining what noppera means! No more, no less.
China: Why do I have to be turned into noppera because of stupid Japan and scary story...
Japan: It's not my fault!
America: Focus countries ! Japan may have screwed things up, but we still have time to fix it ! Now, your ideas will all suck so listen to me. We'll combine all our military strength! I'll be in command so you can all wear the colors of my flag! All heroes wear red, white, and blue!
Italy: I think we should gather under the white flag!
England: Why in God's name would we put you in charge?
America: Duh, I be the hero, everybody knows that!
England: I beg to differ...
France: Everybody knows I've got the biggest--
England: No one asked you, cheesy monkey!
France: Shut up, black sheep of Europe!
England: I told you not to call me that!
China: Ugh. They never stop talking...
Italy: White flags! Come on, I made a whole lot of them! See! We can each wave our very own!
America: Japan, you think I'm right, right?
Japan: Uh, well, this is why I sense the mood and refrain from speaking.
America: Russia! What are you gonna do, dude?
Russia: I'm going to do fighting!
America: Rock out my dog, I've got the perfect job for you to have then! Back-up sidekick!
America: Yeah, every super-hero needs a sidekick, I should know that, I'm the hero! They even make big-budget Hollywood crazy good movies about it!
England: We also have top-notch productions in the UK!
France: Um, time-traveling phone booths can only go so far.
England: Shut it, Pépé le Pew, just because you invented movie-making doesn't mean you're any good at it! All your films are good for are putting me to sleep!
China: Just have you know, my movies have been very popular lately.
America: Dude, you can't compete with Michael Bay sequels.
China: That attitude is why I restrict your films!
Japan: Mine are more quietly artistic with cultural story-telling.
Italy: My movies are the most fun ones if you want to ask me!
Germany: Grr... rgghh... rggghhhh... THAT IS ENOOOOOUUUUUUGH! WHILE YOU SIT HERE AND ARGUE ABOUT NOTHING, MORE OF MANKIND ARE TURNING INTO THOSE NOPPERA OR PICTONIANS OR WHATEVER THEY'RE CALLED!! NOW LISTEN. IF WE HAVE BEEN TURNED INTO THOSE THINGS, WE'LL LOSE OUR FACES SO WE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE ANY OF US FROM THE OTHER. THINK ABOUT IT YOU DUMMKOPFSSSSSS!
America: Ha ha ha. No need to argue, 'cause I'm right!
Russia: I know my ideas are best because otherwise I kill them.
China: I'm only allowed to hear my thoughts and those are the ones I like.
Germany: Alright then. I'm done here. I don't know why I even thought that we could have a simple discussion. That's not how we work, is it? What a waste. This entire meeting has been pointless. I will do what I have to do and you do what you have to.
(Germany leaves the room; soon followed by everyone else)
Russia: That's exactly what I was going to say.
China: There's too much fighting together to figure out if we should even fight together anyway.
France: I am far too gorgeous to have been in a stuffy room for so long.
England: I am far too gorgeous to- Shut up France!
America: Ha ha ha ha! I was just trying to help! I don't need you guys, I'm the hero!
Japan: Ah. My belly. It hurts.
Italy: Uhuh! Hey, wait up you guys! Come on, don't leave me here by myself!
[Camera shoots to Canada, who is sitting alone.]
Canada: I'm still here. And I hate to complain, but no one even bothered to ask my opinion.
Kumajiro: Who are you?
Canada: I'm Canada.
Romano: WAAAH! WHAT THE CRAPOLA HAPPENED HERE!?
China: I'm hit! Oh noo!
Italy: Look! I drew a face!
- Italy Veneziano - Daisuke Namikawa (Japanese), Todd Haberkorn (English)
- Germany - Hiroki Yasumoto (Japanese), Patrick Seitz (English)
- Japan - Hiroki Takahashi (Japanese), Christopher Bevins
- Italy Romano - Daisuke Namikawa (Japanese), Ian Sinclair (English)
- America - Katsuyuki Konishi (Japanese), Eric Vale (English)
- England - Noriaki Sugiyama (Japanese), Scott Freeman (English)
- France - Masaya Onosaka (Japanese), J. Michael Tatum (English)
- China - Yuki Kaida (Japanese), Clarine Harp (English)
- Russia - Yasuhiro Takato (Japanese), Jerry Jewell (English)
- Hungary - Michiko Neya (Japanese), Luci Christian (English)
- Austria - Akira Sasunuma (Japanese), Chuck Huber (English)
- Spain - Go Inoue (Japanese), David Trosko (English)
- Prussia - Atsushi Kousaka (Japanese), Jonathan Brooks (English)
- Canada - Katsuyuki Konishi (Japanese), Eric Vale (English)
- Belarus - Urara Takano (Japanese), Monica Rial (English)
- Ukraine - Yuki Masuda (Japanese), Lydia Mackay (English)
- Sealand - Ai Orikasa (Japanese), Maxey Whitehead (English)
- Poland - Kazutada Tanaka (Japanese), Ryan Bijan and Joel McDonald (English)
- Lithuania - Ken Takeuchi (Japanese), Josh Grelle (English)
- Estonia - Atsushi Kousaka (Japanese), Mike McFarland (English)
- Switzerland - Romi Park (Japanese), John Burgmeier (English)
- Denmark - Hiroshi Shimozaki (Japanese), Montgomery Sutton and Greg Ayres (English)
- Sweden - Keikou Sakai (Japanese), Robert McCollum (English)
- Finland - Takahiro Mizushima (Japanese), Clint Bickham (English)
- Norway - Masami Iwasaki (Japanese), Alex Organ (English)
- Iceland - Ayumu Asakura (Japanese), Jason Liebrecht (English)