Hey Arnold!

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Hey Arnold! is an American animated television series that aired from October 7, 1996 until June 8, 2004 on Nickelodeon. It later spanned a movie.

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Contents

24 Hours to Live Part 1 [edit]

[Harold got hit by a baseball]
Iggy: Say something, Man.
Harold: Goodnight, Mommy.
Harold: Who taught me how to play ball? Your looney grandma?
Arnold (Short Man): Hey, Grandpa, I've got a problem.
Grandpa Phillip (Phil): Shoot it at me, short man.
Arnold: You see there's it's big jerk who says.....
Grandpa: — says he's gonna beat you up, eh?
Arnold: Yeah.
Grandpa: Gonna give you 24 hours to dangle, eh?
Arnold: That's right!
Grandpa: I will use to pound your flat to pound of your face for 2nd base, eh?
Arnold: Yeah, yeah! What should I do?
Grandpa: I have no idea. What we do is never eat raspberries. [Holds his stomach] Excuse me in a sec.[Grandpa runs to the bathroom]
Helga Stone (Pataki): Arnold? Hey Arnold, Twenty-four hours, fifteen minutes and thirteen seconds until you die!
DJ Nocturnal Ned: It's 7:00 on KILL. This one goes out to Arnold, who's going to die in 2 hours, 6 minutes, and 47 seconds, from Helga who hates you.
Harold "Pink Boy" Berman: Wow, you really are crazy. Wanna join our club?
Helga: Boys are so stupid.

6th Grade Girls [edit]

Tommy: [in an Italian New York accent] Hey, Maria, come over here!
Maria: Tommy, you come over here.

A Day in the Life of a Classroom [edit]

Rhonda: Should we do our own make up, or will the crew do it?
Mr. Simmons: Make your own.
Helga: I'd rather watch paint dry.

Abner Come Home [edit]

Arnold: [to Abner at night] Y’know boy, you’re more fun than a hundred dogs put together.
Arnold: [on Abner] Must be getting a drink out of the toilet again.
Grandma: [the morning after Abner goes missing] Anyone for bacon?
Arnold: [describing Abner to the dog catcher] And his tail is so curly when you pull it out it goes 'spoing'!
Gerald: [on the missing pig] Well, did you try going down to the dump and yelling 'sooey'?
Pig Skins R Us crew: [yelling at Abner] Come back here you football.
Grandpa: Brilliant does pretty much describe me. He falls off chair.
Gerald: [on Arnold's brilliant idea] Well, it's not working, and it's making me sick.
Ernie: [overwhelmed at the end] It does kinda bring a tear to your eye.
Grandpa: That's just the onions.

April Fools' Day [edit]

Helga: Thanks, Arnold. I really appreciate all that you've done for me. You know, except the part where you made me go blind.
[Arnold is carrying "blind" Helga across the street and a taxi cab is speeding towards them]
Helga: Arnold, look out for that cab!
[Arnold jumps and they land on the sidewalk]
Helga: Arnold, are we alive?
Arnold: We're fine.
Helga: Whew. Good thing I saw — uh, I mean — smelled that cab coming.
Arnold: You smelled the cab?
Helga: Yeah, you know how it is when you lose one of your senses. The others just kind of kick into overdrive. [sniffs Arnold] Speaking of which, you might want to try a stronger deodorant, football-head.
Grandma: Oh, Happy Groundhog's Day, everybody. Yippee! I saw my shadow — and you know what that means!
Grandpa: We know, Pookie... [With Arnold] Twelve more days of Christmas...
Stinky: Um, fellas. Is it just me, or is the floor moving?
Helga: [thinks when she dances with Arnold] I'm actually dancing cheek-to-cheek with Arnold! He's holding me tight, his hair smells yummy... Oh, who am I kiddin? I love this guy! Maybe I should stop torturing him? Nah, this is way too much fun!
Arnold: [thinking when he dances with Helga] Oh, man, I really hate this!
Helga: [thinking] Oh, man, do I love this or what!
Arnold: Gerald, I think, you're thinking what I'm thinking.
[Gerald whispers something in Arnold's ear]
Arnold: That's even better than what I was thinking!

Arnold as Cupid [edit]

Oskar: But Suzie, where am I going to sleep?
[Suzie throws sleeping bag and teddy bear at Oskar]
Oskar: Arnold, I can't believe how handsome you're getting, the way your body's growing to match the unusual shape of your head.
Oskar Kokoshka: [about to bet Arnold's CD player during a poker game] Don't worry, Arnold, there's no way I can lose. [next frame] I can't believe I lost.
Oskar Kokoshka: You keep the money.
Suzie Kokoshka: What did you say?
Oskar Kokoshka: You keep the money.
Suzie Kokoshka: Oh, Oskar! That's the most beautiful thing you've ever said to me.
Oskar Kokoshka: "You keep the money"?

Arnold Saves Sid [edit]

Grandpa Phil: You already had three helpings. Hits Oskar's hand
Oskar: Oww, you hurt my hand. I'm going to sue you!

Arnold Visits Arnie [edit]

Rhonda: It means weird, and that's a major understatement. I mean, the boy's wearing pajamas for heaven's sake.
Harold: And look, there have little bears on them!
Sid: Boy howdy, talk about embarrassing!
[Arnold blushes]
Arnie: Lets go on a hayride. [Snorts]

Arnold's Christmas [edit]

Helga: These snow boots are really boss!
Gerald: [to Arnold] What you did, that's the real meaning of Christmas, man.
Helga: Merry Christmas, Arnold.

Arnold's Halloween [edit]

Curly: I wanted to go as pirates.
Harold: No, Vikings.
Phoebe: How about clowns?
Helga: We're all going as aliens because the whole purpose of Halloween is to scare people and make them give you candy.
Gerald: Aliens are coming to destroy the Earth!
Grandpa: [explaining about the kids in alien costumes] The news is all over town. The city is in panic.
Gerald: Uh oh.
Arnold: The news station must have picked up our broadcast. Grandpa, what happened to the kids after you saw them?
[the kids are being chased by an angry mob]
Helga: Arn-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ld!!!!!
Arnold: [Halfway across town] Did you hear something just now?
Gerald: No.

Arnold's Hat [edit]

Helga: I need that cute, stupid, football head's hat! Oh....Did I just say that out loud?
Miriam: Helga? The door's locked, honey, what are you doing in there?
Helga: Nothing.
Miriam: Oh... okay.
Helga: All I wanted was the hat... and world domination, but for right now, just the hat. Is that too much to ask?
Gerald: Arnold! Hey Arnold! The Jolly Olly man's gone insane! He's passing out free ice-cream! Come on down!
Arnold: No! I'm not coming down without my hat! Ever! For the rest of my life!
Gerald: Okay. More ice-cream for me.
Helga: Out of my way, Fat Boy!
Helga: Did you happen to see a collection of seemingly useless junk randomly arranged behind a curtain in my closet for no apparent reason?
Miriam: Ah huh, dear. I threw it all out.
Helga: WHAT!?
Marty: Woo! Arnold! Man! Did anybody ever tell you you look like some kind of sun bronzed Greek god these days?
Helga: Ewwwww who said you could touch Me!
Helga Are you trying to make me sick or something?
Helga: I will never wash these clothes again. [Splattt!] Ewww!

Baby Oskar [edit]

Oskar Suzie, make me a sandwich!
Suzie: TOMMORROW, TOMMORROW, TOMMORROW! EVERYDAY I ASK YOU TO HELP ME TAKE CARE OF LITTLE OSKAR, BUT INSTEAD YOU ASK ME TO MAKE YOU A SANDWICH!
Oskar: Right, which of course you never did.

Back to School [edit]

Principal Wartz: [to a tough Grandpa Phil] Report to detention after the final bell.
Phil Report THIS, Wartz! [pulls the fire alarm and walks off]
Principal Wartz: [resets the alarm] That's it! I'm calling his parents!
Grandpa Phil I'm gonna run for President. Pookie, you can be my campaign manager. What's our slogan?
Pookie: Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.
Grandpa Phil: Pookie, you're fired. Arnold! You can be my campaign manager.
Arnold: [Sighs] Grandpa...
Grandpa Phil I want that diploma!
Arnold: Then let's go get it.
Grandpa Phil: Right after my nap!

Bag of Money [edit]

Grandpa Phil: [trying to cheer Arnold up] We'll grow old together... Oh, wait a minute, I'm already old! Well, okay, so you'll grow old alone with no one to talk to and nothing to come to, except your fun memories and... [Arnold gets sad] ...me and... I'm not helping, am I?

Beaned [edit]

Helga :What is this clear wall blocking us from outside?
Arnold: :It's a door. I'll get it for you.
Helga :Whatever is this contraption, Andrew?
Arnold :It's a water fountain. You drink from it. [Helga pushes the button and water comes out]
Helga: I like to drink.

Benchwarmer [edit]

Coach Wittenberg :Pass the ball to Tucker!
Coach Wittenberg :Excellent pass to Tucker, Arnold — You don't even have to dribble, just pass it to Tucker!!

Best Friends [edit]

Arnold: I'm telling you, Rhonda, I really don't know anything about fashion.
Rhonda :[reading fashion magazine] Hmmm. Okay, tell me this: do red and orange go together?
Arnold :Uhhh...
Rhonda: Of course not. You know that, and I know that. But try to tell that to Nadine — she doesn't listen.

Big Bob's Crisis [edit]

Big Bob :Criminy, I'm a monster.
Helga: Actually it was just just gas, doc said you'll be fine as soon as you lay off the double rocks and lambs.
Arnold: Are you okay, Helga?
Helga: Oh I'm just peachy. My dad's joining some wacky spiritual group, brain-washed Miriam and Olga and is planning to take us all to Oregon to live in a hut, out in nature to sing songs and eat bark.

Big Caesar [edit]

Grandpa Phil: There comes a time in every youngster's life when he's ready to take on Big Caesar! And you boys... well, you're not ready yet, but I'm tired of waitin'.
Gerald: [about the last boat available for a fishing contest] There is no way we're fishing in a swan boat. [next frame] I can't believe we're fishing in a swan boat.

Big Gino [edit]

Gino: [Seeing Sid come in with Arnold] I see you brought your lawyer.

Biosquare [edit]

Helga: No electricity? No T.V.? No popcorn? No deal! I'm out of here.
Arnold: Hey, if you can't tough it out for 24 hours, than maybe you should leave.
Helga: Oh, so you don't think I'm tough enough, is that it, Bio Boy? Well, I'll show you, I can stand be anywhere for 24 hours. Even locked in a controlled environment, with you!

Buses, Bikes, and Subways [edit]

[After Helga discovers a pay phone nearby]
Helga: [to Harold] So how much money do you got? [Harold shows Helga two quarters in his hand] Enough for one call each. Hello, Mom! It's me, Helga! I'm stuck at the chocolate factory with a moron. The school bus left us here and we don't have any way to get back. Oh, please pick up, Miriam. [Helga hangs up the phone]
Harold: [dials the pay phone] Hello? Mommy, it's me, Harold.
Worker at Restaurant :I never heard of you! Don't call me again!
Harold: [hangs up phone] Dialed the wrong number.
Helga: Just brilliant. You don't even know your own phone number.
Harold: Hey, look! The subway! We're saved!
Helga: Yeah, great idea, genius. Only one little problem — it costs money to take the subway, and we don't have any.
Harold: Then we'll just jump the gate. No one ever gets caught. Come on! [gets stuck on the turnstile entrance]
Cop: Hey! You two kids! Come back here!
[Helga pushes Harold through, while they both run into the moving subway, eluding the cop]
Harold: [relieved] Oh! [sighs] That was close. Oh, I think I'm going to be sick!
Helga: "No one ever gets caught."
Helga: [to Sheena's Uncle Earl] Hey Mister, wake up!
Sheena's Uncle Earl: What? Who goes there?
Helga: Can you give us a ride into town?
Harold: There some crazy midget clowns that want to kill us!
Sheena's Uncle Earl: Midget clowns eh? Arr!
Helga: [Harold has begun to hug her] Get off of me, you big whale!
Helga: Everything that happened today was your fault. You can't do anything right! Take the bus for example. Why do you think we missed it, Harold? Oh, let's see, hmm... maybe it was because you were too busy eating twice your body weight in Chocolate Num-Nums! Oh, how about this one? Let's take the subway, I think it goes to Lincoln. Oh wait, no it doesn't, it goes straight to the bowels of the underworld!! Population homicidal, toothless, midget clowns!! I know, let's steal their bike, they won't mind. Now, you'd think that would be enough to fill any moron's day, but you're not just any moron, are you, Harold? You're the king!! Your day's just getting started. So, because of your amazing curiosity about the world around us, you pulled the plug out of the bottom of our getaway boat!!! You idiot.

Casa Paradiso [edit]

Ernie's poem "Knocked Down" :I knocked down my share of buildings and leveled a lot of place
And've seen the miserable looks on the former occupants faces.
If you kick us out, Grandpa, we'll be really angry and sad,
On account that living right here has been the best time most of us has ever had.

Chocolate Boy [edit]

Chocolate Boy: I need chocolate, where's the chocolate, I gotta have chocolate...
Arnold: Well, you didn't bet Wolfgang, did you?
Edmund: Whoa! Chocolate Boy doesn't want chocolate? Pinch me, I'm dreaming. [Wolfgang pushes Edmund to the ground]
Arnold: I can't believe you. I followed you for two weeks straight, all because of a bet.
Chocolate Boy: Yeah Arnold. Two weeks, no chocolate.
Arnold: But, I thought you really wanted to quit.
Chocolate Boy: Sorry Arnold! I gotta go.

Chocolate Turtles [edit]

Arnold: Why fight it? It's working.

Coach Wittenberg [edit]

Arnold: Maybe you should try using psychology.
Coach Wittenberg: Hmmm. Psycho-ology, eh?

Cool Party [edit]

Curly: [About Rhonda not inviting him to her party] I bet she thinks I'm a geek 'cause my dad cuts my hair with a bowl.
Eugene: [After hearing Phoebe's explanation of a geek] Bite the head off a chicken? But none of us has done that... well, except for Curly.
Curly: Yeah! And that was just the one time!
[the kids are thinking of ideas for something to do]
Harold: I say we crash Rhonda's party and eat all her food!
Kids: YEAH!!!
Helga: Well, I say we get a truckload of horse manure and leave it on her front porch!
Kids: YEAH!!!
Curly: I say we paint ourselves with tiger stripes, and go free all the animals in the zoo!
[Everyone stares at him]
Helga: [sarcastically] Fine, Curly. We'll meet you there in an hour. [Curly runs away cackling] Poor twisted little freak.
Gerald: Wanna go throw rocks at Helga throwing rocks at a dumpster?
Arnold: Sure.
Harold: Geek party at Arnold's house!
Curly: Ahhhhaaa free all the animals Ahhhhhhaaaa!

Crabby Author [edit]

Agatha Caulfield: Holy Crackers!

Crush on Teacher [edit]

Gerald: Why are you reading this junk? [teases] Oh, right, you have a crush on Miss Felter...
Arnold: I like poetry, it has nothing to do with her.
Gerald: Right. Later, man.
[Gerald walks away]
Arnold: Oh soft, what light from yonder window breaks? It is the east... [Gerald pauses] ... and... Miss Felter is the sun.
Gerald: [In disgust] That's it, now I'm pukin'.
Gerald: You set a beautiful table, my fair señÑorita. [purrs]
Arnold: Do I have to purr?
Gerald: Yes, chicks dig the purr!
Arnold: [To Miss Felter after Gerald's voice is heard through the walkie talkie that is in Arnold's pants] Sometimes my pants... they talk.
Arnold: You set a beautiful table, my fair señorita.
Miss Felter: Muchas gracias.
Arnold: Aw, enchilada.

Curly Snaps [edit]

Curly: Then later in class, Harold answered the bonus question that I was about to answer. Harold stole the question from me! Another injustice.
Harold: No fair! He let me answer that question!
Mr. Simmons: Curly, you let Harold answer that question.
[Behind the lockers]
Arnold: I think Curly's finally snapped.
Gerald: No kidding.
[In the bathroom]
Sid: You guys, Curly's snapped. He's throwing kickballs at Principal Wartz. My kickballs!
[In the halls]
Helga: Hahaha. It's finally happened. Our demented Curly has gone over the edge.
[In the halls]
Peapod Kid: Curly? Snapped? How terrible. Terribly sad.
[In the library]
Campfire Lass: There's a grand brouhaha outside Principal Wartz's office. LET'S GO!
Curly: [throwing a ball at Mr. Simmons] Save your new ageisms for the saps, Granola Boy!
Curly: Heeeeere's Curly!
Principal Wartz: [To Curly] Okay, what are your demands?
Curly: My demands? I, I want two Yahoo sodas and, and a meatball sub!
Harold: What happened?
Helga: Any bloodshed?

Dangerous Lumber [edit]

[Harold gets hit by Arnold's ball]
Gerald: Say something, big boy.
Harold: Easy squeezy, lemon peasy.
Helga: [Calls to someone off screen] Medic.
Ernie: Ow! That baseball hit me right in the head!
Mickey Kaline: You got dangerous lumber, kid!

Das Subway [edit]

Arnold: We could take the crosstown bus.
Helga: You mean that one?
[The bus goes right by them without stopping]
Harold: Well, we could walk.
Helga: WALK? It'll take days! We'll freeze to death! We'll be eaten by pigeons, or worse... eaten by RATS!

[shudders]' I hate rats!

[about riding the subway]
Gerald: Sun goes down, stay above ground.
Helga: There is no way I'm taking the subway. [next frame] I can't believe I'm taking the subway.
Gerald: The train stopped
Helga: No kidding, Einstein
Grandma: [on the stuck subway car] I'm the only ex-cop in this town brave enough to take on this job.
Hobo: [Repeated line] GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
Claustrophobic Woman: [repeating over and over] Big open spaces.
Conductor: [through PA system calmly] Passengers, it may just be a matter of minutes or hours [panicking] OR DAYS OR WEEKS [calmly] before the search and rescue team finds our [panicking] FORGOTTEN EXTRACTED SUBWAY CAR...
Grubby man: Wait a minute! Wait a minute, everybody! I got something to say!
Helga: We know. We know.
Everyone: Get out of your house.
Grubby man: No, no, not that. I got something else to say…

Dinner for Four [edit]

Phoebe: Well, I suppose the only solution would be to tell the manager the truth.
[pause]
Helga: That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard in my entire life!
Helga: [after weasling out of paying a dinner bill] There is no way I'm gonna go back in there, tell them the truth, and wind up washing dishes. [next frame] I can't believe I told them the truth, and I wound up washing dishes.

Dino Checks Out [edit]

Candy: Dino and I had two really great years together, and then we got married.
Lawyer: [going over Dino Spamoni's will] "My house and money will all go to my most recent ex-wife Candy."
Candy: YESSSSS!
Candy's Son: Can we go now?
Candy: IN A MINUTE!
Executor: [Reading Dino Spumoni's Will] "And I leave my extensive collection of paintings to be equally divided among my five ex-wives-except Bunny, who gets jack-squat."
Bunny: Aw, nuts! Take me home, Chooch!
Ernie: Hey, Oskar, he's not dead! I want my two bucks back!


Door Number 16 [edit]

Gerald: So I hear you got a package for that secret guy, Mr. Smith.
Arnold: Yeah, and I alone have been shouldered with the weighty responsibility of it's safety.
Gerald: Cool, let's open it.

Downtown as Fruits [edit]

Helga: Know your lines? Of course you already know your lines. But I don't want to just hear your lines... I want to feel whats in your souls.
Peapod Kid: Do vegetables have souls?
Helga: First, the legumes...
Peapod Kid: Legumes? I thought we were beans.
Helga: You ARE!
Helga: Hey, where are the fruits?
Phoebe: They're not here, Helga. They never showed up.
Helga: Arn-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ld!
Arnold: [across town on a bus] Did you hear something just now?
Arnold: Wow, people downtown sure are friendly.

Egg Story [edit]

[as Harold and Rhonda are assigned to partner up taking care of an "egg baby"]
Harold: Oh, come on, Rhonda, I know you like me!
Rhonda: [nervously] What makes you think that?
Harold: Remember that time at the Cheese Festival...
Rhonda: [claps a hand over Harold's mouth] I thought I told you never to mention that night again.
[after when Harold showed Rhonda their egg that has tape all over it]
Rhonda: What did you do, Harold!?
Harold: Nothing.
Rhonda: Harold, this is not our egg. This — I don't even know what this is. What did you do with Courtney?
Harold: Uh, I, Uh... Oh! I was hungry!
Rhonda: You...ate...our...baby?
[Harold belches]

Eugene's Bike [edit]

Young Helga: [In flashback] Hey, Arnold! Shake hands with Mr. Crab!

Eugene, Eugene! [edit]

Stinky: What the heck is "Eugene Eugene," Eugene?
Mr. Leichliter: The role of Betty will be done by Lila Sawyer, and the part of Lawrence goes to Arnold... hmmm, I can't even read my own handwriting.

Eating Contest [edit]

Harold: I love this contest! I love eating! Wait, I think I ate too fast. Oh, oh, my belly hurts. AAAAH! Mommy! Please, somebody help!

False Alarm [edit]

Gerald: Helga, baby, put your feet up. I’ll tell it.
Curly: Because three months, two weeks and four days ago, Eugene borrowed my favorite pencil - the pencil I got last summer at Wankyland - and then, when he finally returned it, it had chew marks all over it! And he sharpened it down to the metal parts! I couldn't sleep! I couldn't eat! All I could think about was Eugene writing with my pencil, Eugene chewing on my eraser and Eugene sharpening, sharpening, SHARPENING!!! And then, when he finally gives it back to me, he says: 'Oh, here Curly.' Like it was NO BIG DEAL! I couldn't take this lying down. See, I got a plan — the fire alarm. All I had to do was plant the right clues the peanut butter the glasses and to top it all of the pencil. Bingo, he would be randed for life! Ahhhh Ahhhhh Ahhhahhh!
Curly: [Dementedly] I did It! I pulled the fire alarm! And I'd do it again, too! See? [Laughs dementedly as we hear the fire bell ringing and Curly pulling the levers down]
Principal Wartz: Stop that!

Family Man [edit]

Mr. Hyunh: I like to work in the restaurant.
Ernie Potts: I'm telling you, we could pull this off.
Suzie Kokoshka: I suppose I could be Mrs. Hyunh for just one night.
Ernie Potts: And I'll be his brother, Edwin. Arnold will be his son, Grandpa will be his father.
Grandma: [coming in from the kitchen] And I'll be Mary, Queen of Scots!
Grandpa: Pookie, you just stay out of the way.
Man: Who are you?
Grandma: Why, I'm Mr. Hyunh's sister. And I'm also Mary, Queen of Scots. cackles

Field Trip [edit]

Gerald: Looking like a field trip ha, Arnold?
Arnold: Huh? Oh, are we in the Aquarium yet?
Gerald: Not yet.
[Harold hits Eugene with a spitball]
Gerald: Well, we better get there soon, everybody's getting kind of restless.
Arnold: Awesome.
Harold: Look, I'm a whale. [drinks a sip of milk and spits it out through his nose]
Guard: [taunting the animals at the aquarium] Here, have a cookie. Ha-ha, you tossed your cookies!
Arnold's Grandma: Go! You're free, run like the wind!

Fighting Families [edit]

Game Show Host: And from PS. 118, meet Arnold and his family. Phil, Pookie, Ernie, and and Mr. Heeee-yun!
Mr. Hyunh: It's H-WIN!!
Ernie: One more comment, Hyunh, and I'll give you a knuckle sandwich, plenty with mustard!
Grandpa: I'll give you both a knuckle sandwich!
Grandma: That's odd, I don't remember packing any sandwiches.
Ernie: Oh, good one, Hyunh!
Mr. Hyunh: You push me!
Ernie: Yeah! Well, Gramps stepped on my toe!
Grandpa: I did not! This is stepping on your toe! [steps on Ernie's foot]
Mr. Hyunh: Pluto, Pluto!
Ernie: Not Pluto, Pluton! You idiot!
Brainy: Huhhh... Huhh... Hi.
Contest Lady: And the winner is Arnold... there seems to be a smudge over the last name.
Stinky: That must be you, Arnold, on the count that you're the only kid named Arnold in this whole danged school.

Fishing Trip [edit]

Grandpa Phil: [Spotted a dead owl] Aw, look, a dead owl. Breakfast!
Eugene: I just know we'll wake up tomorrow to a better day! [Someone farts]
Gerald: If we make it till tomorrow.
Mr. Berman: My knees are weak.
Grandpa Phil: My knees are fake.
Grandpa Phil: Oh! Let's just fish for the Halibut!

Four-Eyed Jack [edit]

Oskar: Ghost? I don't believe in ghosts. I'm not the least bit superstitious.
Susie: [From inside] What do you mean you're not superstitious? You keep a horse shoe in your pants.
Oskar: Don't mock my families traditions!
Oskar: I know, let's catch him and sell him to the circus!
Four-Eyed Jack: Um...boo!

Garold: [after Jack disappear] Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Friday the 13th [edit]

Grandma: Happy Friday the thirteenth!
Gerald: [sees black cats] That's not exactly the sign I was looking for.
Arnold: They're probably Grandma's cats. She's... uh... collecting them...
Gerald: Collecting them?
Arnold: Don't ask...

Full Moon [edit]

Harold: [heard Principal Wartz coming out of his office] Here he comes. Get ready on three, [Harold, Stinky, and Sid put on some masks and turn around] one...
Arnold: Are really gonna go through this?
Harold: Shh! Two... [they unzip and grab their pants, Principal Wartz walks down the hallway] Three! [everyone except Arnold bends over]
Principal Wartz: What the — what is this? [puts on his glasses and sees Harold, Stinky, and Sid mooning him] Oh, my! [Harold, Stinky, and Sid pull up their pants, and run down the hallway laughing] Come back here you hooligans! [Harold, Stinky, and Sid ran out of the school and Principal Wartz was panting] You won't get away with this!
Arnold: He gave me four weeks detention.
Sid: Four weeks!?
Stinky: But you didn't even do anything!
Arnold: I know, Stinky.
Principal Wartz: [to Arnold] You understand that your permanent record will follow you all the way to Jr. High?
Arnold: I understand.
Principal Wartz: And you still won't tell?
Arnold: No.
Principal Wartz: [about mooning] Mooning is not funny! It's not a game!
Harold: I did it, it was me! I'm sorry, Arnold was completely innocent! I'm the mooner! I'm the mooner!!!

Gerald vs. Jamie O [edit]

Jamie O: Hey! You ripped my shirt!
Gerald: Your shirt? That's my shirt!

Gerald Comes Over [edit]

Timberly: Hey, look! I'm Timberly the Pink Ranger!
Arnold: Okay, Gerald, we're almost there. Now at times the things you see may confuse or even frighten you. But just remember, everyone is essentially harmless.
Gerald: Arnold, relax. I've been here before. Besides, how weird can your house be?
Gerald: [about Ernie] Man, he was creepy.
Arnold: Ya, and he likes you.
Arnold: [As Susie's throwing all her stuff into the hall] Stand by for pottery!

Gerald Moves Out [edit]

[Upset over washing Gerald's clothes]
Mr Hyunh: This lint is your lint. [in high pitch voice] I'm not your Mother!
Gerald: Okay, I’m sorry. [Gerald leaves the room]
Mr. Hyunh: [To Arnold] I am not his mother!

Gerald's Tonsils [edit]

Phoebe My Gerald... your performance was... inspiring!

Ghost Bride [edit]

Stinky: [passing the graveyard] Look, fellers. We're passing the bone-yard.
Harold: Hurry up, you guys! This place is gives me the creeps! It's full of dead people!
Stinky: Well, you might as well get used to it, on the count of we'll probably all be buried here someday.
Harold: Okay maybe, but that won't happen for a long, long time. Right?
Stinky: [talking about the Ghost Bride] The Ghost Bride will get you and hack you up, just like her sister and her former intended!
Arnold: [reading headstone] Here lies Cynthia Snell. She lived her life and went straight to... I can't read the rest.
Arnold: But we have to do something, we can't just stay in here forever.
Harold: Sure we can, these guys did. [points at two dead corpses]
Arnold: But they're dead.
Sid: What's your point?
Sid: [to Curly, dressed as a dead bride] I can't believe you'd pull such a dirty trick!
Eugene Horowitz: I can't believe how nice you look in that dress!
[while Curly is tied inside the crypt, he heard someone humming "Here comes the bride"]
Curly: Helga? Is that you? Come on! This isn't a joke! Let me out! Come on, Helga! Helga?! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Girl Trouble [edit]

Big Bob: Hey, Helga, it's your little friend, Alfred, on the phone!
Helga: Arnold? Calling me? At my house?
Big Bob: Yeah, yeah, Arnold.
Helga: Oh, Arnold! So kind, so just, so moral! [is twirling around while the telephone cord is wrapping around her] You couldn't help but return to the ways I know and love. [she sighs and falls to the floor with a loud thump, Big Bob hears the fall from downstairs]
Arnold: Helga?? Are you there??
[Helga is on the floor wrapped in her telephone cord]
Helga: [sarcastically] Yeah, yeah! An agreement sounds great. Have my people call your people and we'll draw up the papers! Yeah, in your dreams, football head! Like I'm ever going to agree with you about anything! And don't ever call me at my house ever again!!! EVER!!! [sighs and Big Bob opens her bedroom door and looks down to her confused, Helga looks up at him and laughs sheepishly]
Big Bob: I'm not even gonna ask... [leaves her room]

Grand Prix [edit]

Stinky: How about the Muave Avenger?
Arnold: We are not calling our go-cart, the Muave Avenger. [Scene changes] I can't believe we called our go-cart the Muave Avenger.
Edmund: Hey, when do I get to drive?
Wolfgang: You get to drive, uh... NEVER!
[Eugene has come in second.]
Stinky: But we didn't win.
Eugene: But I didn't crash!
Stinky: But we didn't win.

Grandpa's Birthday [edit]

[Grandpa believes he has died]
Grandpa: Well, that's it. I must be in heaven. Oh, no! Oskar's here! This must be the other place!
Arnold: No, Grandpa, you're still with us. Good morning, Grandpa.
Grandpa Phil: What's so good about it?

Grandpa's Sister [edit]

Grandpa Phil: And I'm about to go fishing with my favorite grandson!
Arnold: I'm your only grandson.
Grandpa Phil: Uh-huh...
Arnold: Grandpa, you can't jettison Aunt Mitzi out the second-floor window!

Grudge Match [edit]

Grandpa Phil: Ohh, I hit a birdie, that's terrible!

Hall Monitor [edit]

Gerald: You know that monster truck show this afternoon? Wish we could go.
Arnold: Can't, got detention.
Gerald: Yeah, me, too. Look at these! One for walking too fast, one for walking too slow, one for squeaky shoes, one for suspiciously quiet shoes. And these are from this morning. [Tosses them on the floor]
[Phoebe writes another ticket and gives it to Gerald]
Gerald: What's this for?
Phoebe: One for littering.

Harold the Butcher [edit]

Mr. Green: Harold Berman, I can't believe my eyes, you stole my beautiful ham! And now it's ruined!
Harold: Aw, I was hungry! I was really, really hungry!
Mr. Green: That doesn't give you the right to steal from people! You understand that?
Harold: NOOOOO!!!! MOMMY!!!!!!!!
Mr. Green: I'm gonna have to call his mommy.

Harold's Bar Mitzvah [edit]

Danny: [Describing his mother] She's tall and has... hair! Wah-wah!

Harold's Kitty [edit]

Harold: Don't shoot! I'm just a kid with a cat!

Headless Cabbie [edit]

Stinky: [telling his scary story] This here yarn of a horror is about the ever-frighting: Monkeycat. In the dingy laboratory of the despicable Dr. Mischief, there lived an old furry cat. One day, the cat snuck into the cage of a frisky monkey and got himself caught. Dr Mischief watched as the monkey and the cat began to fight, they became entangled together and that's when the evil doctor got his big idea. He cut off the monkey's head and sewed on the cat's body and invented...Monkeycat!
Gerald: Monkeycat?
Stinky: Monkeycat!
Gerald: What's so scary about that?
Stinky: It's a banana eating milk drinking horror monster, Monkeycat!
Harold: [throws his pillow at Stinky] That's not scary! That's stupid!

Heat [edit]

Grandma: I've got a husband, a grandson, and a boarding house full of people to be responsible for.
Arnold: [to himself] This heat's so crazy it's got Grandma acting normal.
Grandpa: [on broken air-con] There's a high-tech solution for everything... Arnold, go down to the store and buy some ice.
Eugene: I'll take a snow cone.
Jolly Olly Man: $18
Eugene: All I have is seventy cents, what will that get me?
Jolly Olly Man: [laughs] Nothing!
The Jolly Olly Man: Haven't you ever heard of supply and demand?
Helga: Well, I demand that you supply me with some ice cream, before I knock your teeth out!
Kids: No ice cream, no peace!

Helga and the Nanny [edit]

Miriam: I just have to go to work... somewhere.
[Mocking Big Bob, bowing theatrically]
Helga: All hail the Beeper King!
Arnold: Helga, are those flowers in your hair?
Helga: Yeah, you got a problem with it?
Stinky: Wow, Helga, you look just like the girl on the box of hot chocolate.

Helga on the Couch [edit]

Helga: I'm late for school and no one made my lunch.
Miriam: Oh, yeah, I did, honey, I put it out for you... it's... it's around here somewhere... [opens oven door] ...Oh, here it is!
Helga: Moist towelettes, an individual packet of crackers and... a can of shaving cream?
Miriam: How did that get in there? Uh-oh, uh-oh, that must mean the cheese fizz is in B's medicine cabinet.
Big Bob: AHHH!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO RUN A BEEPER EMPORIUM WITH MY FACE SMELLING LIKE HICKORY SMOKED CHEDDAR, MIRIAM??!!
Dr. Bliss: Principal Wartz, I'm Dr. Bliss.
Principal Wartz Oh, Dr. Bliss, I'm Principal Wartz. Welcome to P.S. 118.
Dr. Bliss: Thank you.
Principal Wartz: [nervously] What do you mean by that?
Dr. Bliss: Nothing.
Helga: What are you looking at?
Helga: Hey who's the skirt?
Helga: So I hit him, so what? Brainy he doesn't mind, I do it all the time. What? You would sock him too if he was standing behind you breathing.
Helga: That's obvious Bob.
Helga: So, are you a real doctor? I mean, if I suddenly had a heart attack, would you be able to save me?
Dr. Bliss: Well, there is a heart clinic upstairs, so this would actually be a very convenient place for you to have a heart attack.
Dr. Bliss: How about we try a little word association? Now, I'm going to read off this list of words, and I want you to say the next word that comes to mind.
Helga: [to herself] Steady girl, you can do it. Do not say Arnold.
Dr. Bliss: Love.
Helga: Hate.
Dr. Bliss: Rocket.
Helga: Locket... pocket... Davey Crocket!
Dr. Bliss: Football.
Helga: Head... ha... did I say head? I mean game. Football game.
Dr. Bliss: Monday.
Helga: ...Night Football. falls out of chair ...enough word association.
Dr. Bliss: Good Idea.
Big Bob: Uhhhhh... In a minute, Olga.
Little Helga: NO! I'm HELGA, Dad! HELGA!
Young Arnold: I like your bow. I like your bow 'cause its pink like your pants.
Young Helga: I love you, Arnold, and I want to marry you.
Helga: I love Arnold! There, I said it! I love him! I love him! Arnold! Arnold! Arnold! I'm absitively posolutly in love with the boy! I want to grow up having a fabulous life, traveling around the world with him! Coffee in Paris, roses sailboats, the whole nine yards, I want to have a perfume named after us "Arnold Helga!" I Love ARNOLD!!!!
Helga: He makes me so crazy. I once made a likeness of Arnold's head out of wads of his used gum.
Dr. Bliss: Well, Helga, you feel your emotions very strongly, and as long as you're not hurting anyone, its sounds like a great way to express yourself. [Pauses] Did you say used gum?
Helga: So it's okay to be obsessed about him? You know, the shrines, the 3 AM vigils, the chanted spells?
Dr. Bliss: As long as you're not hurting anyone it sounds like an okay way to express yourself.
Helga: So animal sacrifices are out?
Dr. Bliss: Yes, I'm afraid so.
Helga: If you ever tell anyone, I'll rip your tongue out and wrap it around your neck!
Helga: Arnold!
Arnold: Oh, sorry, Helga.
Helga: I just want to say that, that... that you should watch where you're going, Football Head, quit crashing into me all the time! Sheesh! [Helga runs away].
Arnold: Nice running into you too Helga.
Helga: Look at him, all ticked off. He doesn't get it. He doesn't know my secret. What a sap! He still can't even tell that I adore him. [Brainy comes out of a corner.] Hey look Brainy, this is just weird. How is it that you're standing behind me again? How did you get in this little arch? Where you waiting for me to come into this alley? What's your deal? So, I am not gonna hit you this time, today I'm feeling generous, but tomorrow look out.

Helga vs. Big Patty [edit]

Helga
So the thing is, Patty, I realized you're a human being too, and you have felines...? ooh, ooh, feelings!
Patty
[to Helga]
Hey, you and Arnold. Do you have some thing for each other?

Helga Blabs It All [edit]

Helga
Boy I'm feeling goofy, you know this Arnold guy he's been on my mind morning, noon and night for the past six years. I mean think about it, since I'm currently nine years old that is fully two thirds of my young life, is that crazy or what?
Why do I torture myself by keeping it all a big secret why not just tell Arnold? La La La La La.
Hey why am I telling you all this, you don't even know the guy. I'll just call that adorable little football head right know and tell him myself. Phone rings she gets answering machine.
Hello Arnold this is Helga yes Helga G. Pataki the girl that worships you yes wastes days of passionate thoughts about you ohh my angel sweet love ohh how I lo.... AHHHHHHHHH!
Helga
Ohhh brother why doesn't everyone I know just show up so they all can spend the rest of there lives in this hallway?

Helga's Boyfriend [edit]

Stinky: I'll die!
Arnold: You won't die, Stinky.
Stinky: No, I will, I'll die! Lay down and die like an old dog.

Helga's Locket [edit]

Grandpa Phil
And you forgot your moustache!

Helga's Makeover [edit]

Arnold: Helga's a girl.
Gerald: She is? Glances at Helga Oh, yeah, I always forget.
Harold: Helga's not a girl. Helga's not a girl.
Helga: Not girl enough? Humph! what a bunch of crap! I am too a girl. I'm pretty. I'm feminine. I'm delicate.

Helga bumps into someone

Man: Oh, excuse me young man.
Helga: I'm a girl!
Cashier: Yeah, um, how much is this magazine to make ugly girls look pretty?
Sid: I just saw Helga on her way to Rhonda's party and she was all dolled up... LIKE A GIRL!
Helga: You're right, Rhonda. I'm not like rest of you. I'm not wearing a mask. I mean, look at us! Tin foil in our hair? Glop on our faces? High-heeled shoes? Why are we wearing them? We're already taller than the boys!
Harold: The horror! The Horror!

Helga's Parrot [edit]

Parrot
[repeating what Helga said]
Arnold, my love.
Pet Store Salesgirl
Don't talk her out of [buying] it, kid. That lizard's been here so long, I'm teaching it to read.

Helga's Show [edit]

Stinky
Are you makin' fun on me on account of my love for lemon puddin'?
Phoebe
What good qualities can we say about Stinky?
Helga
Well, he floats.
[Helga is doing stand-up in the school juice bar]
Helga
My first impression is someone we all know. It's the first voice you hear in the morning, and it goes something like this:
[imitating Principal Wartz]
"Attention, students of P.S. 118, I have an important announcement. Henceforth, all lunch-related activities shall be conducted during the lunchtime period."
[normal voice]
Whoo, thanks for clearing that up, Principal Wartz.

Hey Arnold!: The Movie [edit]

Bridget
Who'd touched my button?!
[Arnold & Gerald are smiling in a slightly perverse way]
Arnold & Gerald
ME! ME!
Gerald
Do these belts come in any other color?
Bridget
Black or pink?
Gerald
Uh, we'll take black.
Arnold
What's wrong with old things? Some old things are great.
Harold
Yeah, like Mrs. Vitello.
Mrs. Vitello
[Hitting Harold]
Whippersnapper!
Arnold
Grandma!
Ernie
She's still in jail.
Arnold
I thought they were keeping her one night.
Ernie Potts
Yeah, but she keeps trying to escape. Like she thinks it's a game. Fourth time they've brought her back in.
Helga
My brave little football-headed hero.
Arnold
I need to go lie down.
Helga
I'll go with you!
[Arnold, sees Gerald praying]
Arnold
I didn't know you were so religious.
Gerald
Neither did I.
Eugene Horowitz
[singing]
This is our neighborhood! How can they tear it down! How can they turn our smile into a frown!
Arnold
[turns off stereo]
No singing, Eugene.
Eugene Horowitz
But the occasion called for it.
Arnold
No, Eugene. No singing.
Stinky Peterson
[about Scheck]
He sure gives me the willies.
Gerald
Yeah, but he looks good in a suit.
Arnold
[annoyed]
Gerald...
Gerald
I know. I'm just saying.
Scheck
And I would of gotten away with it, if it weren't for that meddling football head, that kid with all the hair, and that brat with the one eyebrow.
Helga
Ah, tell it to the judge, donut hole.
Big Bob Pataki
I could get you that pony you've been wanting.
Helga
I wanted a pony when I was five, Dad.
Helga
[as deep voice]
I'm everywhere and nowhere, but mostly I'm everywhere.
Helga
I wish I had a sign. pigeon poops on her Perfect.
Scheck
[singing]
Life is just a bowl of cherries.
[at end of movie]
Arnold
Now you're looking on the bright side.
Gerald
Somebody has too.

Hey Harold! [edit]

Harold
Well, I think girls are stupid and I think dancing stupid too, and if I ever had to dance with a girl I bet I'd drop dead.
Harold
Stop it ma, I'm not charming and I'm not handsome — I'm a big dumb ugly kid.
Harold
Stop it! You guys don't know what you're talking about. Her name's not Big Patty It's Patty. And she's not stupid and she's not dumb. Not only that, she's smart and she's nice and funny. I must be crazy to listen to you guys, why do I care what you think? The only thing that matters is what I think. And what I think is I like Patty! And if anybody has a problem with that I'll beat you up so bad it won't even be funny!

Hookey [edit]

Oskar
Eh. Heheheheh! Look! It's Buddy Love! And he's going coconuts!

It Girl [edit]

Big Bob
Not everyone is dressing like you?
Miriam
[Dressed as Helga]
Look, everyone, I'm the it girl.
Helga
AHHHH!

Longest Monday [edit]

Stinky
[Hides into a trash can]
Talk about ironic.
[The boys board the local bus]
Gerald
Not a fifth-grader in sight.
[Arnold spots some 5th graders in the back of the bus]
Arnold
[Points out]
Um, Gerald?
Gerald
[Disappointed]
Except for those guys.

Magic Show [edit]

Harold

Come on, let's go already, I paid for this show!
Sid
Paid for it? It's free, you bonehead!
Helga
Oh brother, we're living in Geeksville.
Phoebe
I think he looks highly professional.
Helga
What, are you blind? Two pigeons just flew out of his pants!
Helga
[on the "rubber" pencil]
It's the oldest trick in the book!
Helga
[on disappearing box]
What a cheap trick!
Helga
Hey, If I'm a ghost, I can fly. Helga jumps straight on to the road
Helga
I can't believe it. They're happy I'm gone? Everybody was supposed to miss me! This can't be happening!
Person in Helga Costume
[Person inside costume speaks through a voice box]
Doy. Doy. Doy. Doy. Move it, bucko! Move it, bucko!
Helga
[on the road]
Oh wait, I forgot, I'm invisible.
Helga
Somebody miss me!
Arnold
All magicians know that it takes, uh, 48 attempts to bring someone back. So finally, here she is, Helga!

Married [edit]

Helga
Oh... Arnold and I are going to be married! It’s true! He did the test 110 times, and... despite the fact that the result revolted him... it always came out the same! Me and Arnold... MARRIED! Oh, it’s FATE! This is... wonderful...
[Arnold & Gerald head toward Arnold’s house]
Arnold
This is HORRIBLE!
Helga
[in her closet]
I’m going to marry Arnold! It’s like a dream!
Arnold
[in his room, ready to sleep]
It’s like a nightmare!
Helga
[in her bed]
The one boy I’ve always hoped I would marry!
Arnold
One girl I NEVER WANNA marry! EVER!
Helga
Arnold... Arnold... kisses her Arnold locket
Arnold
[dreaming]
I’m not going to marry Helga... I’m not going to marry Helga...
[In Arnold's dream, the bride is approaching...]
Gerald
Look sharp. Here comes your bride!
Arnold
Lila?
Helga
[SHE'S the bride]
No such luck, football-head!
Helga
Say, "I do"
Arnold
But, I don't.
Helga
You do.
Arnold
I don't.
Helga
You don't.
Arnold
I do.
Helga
Gotcha!
Priest
[quickly]
Do you, Helga, take Arnold to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love, honor, and cherish till death do you part?
Helga
You got it, padre! I mean, I do.
Arnold
You are the most beautiful girl in the world. Your eyes are like shining diamonds.
Helga
Aww, go on.
Arnold
All right, I'll stop.
Helga
No, I mean go on, go on.
[In Arnold's dream]
Helga
I guess you could say I love, I love...
Clock
Hey Arnold! Hey Arnold! Hey Arnold! Hey Arnold!

Monkey Business [edit]

(Helga in another moment of dramatic lovesickness)

Arnold, my love, though I shun you in public, berating you, and insulting you, tis only to hide my true feelings of love and adoration (sighs) oh when will I find the strength to express my strange, but nearly uncontrollable affections for you? Hopefully not today or tomorrow because it would be embrassing and humiliating, but perhaps someday in the distant future...yes someday. (punches an upside down Brainy's face sticking out of a treehole.)

Helga

[About the monkey]
Doesn't it do anything else?
[Later, in Helga's dream where she's the monkey]
Lady Observer
Can't she do anything else?!
Helga
I think you're... okay. I mean, you're a real okay, guy, and I think you're okay.
Arnold
[Smiles and pats her on the arm]
Thanks, Helga, you're okay, too. Leaves
Helga
He thinks I'm okay and he touched me!
[Scene changes to outside]
Helga: And I'm not a monkey!
Helga
[As a monkey]
Arnold, I love you, but I never had the guts to tell you.
Arnold
But you're not Helga, you're a monkey, a monkey girl.

Monkeyman! [edit]

Monkeyman
MONKEYMAAAAN!

Mr. Hyunh Goes Country [edit]

Mr. Hyunh

But you see, Arnold and tall hair boy, I don’t want to be famous! I want to live my life simply! I like my banana wallpaper, I like doing my own laundry! Just give me the simple things!

Ms. Perfect [edit]

Lila
Don't worry, Daddy, we still have that can of beans in the fridge.
Mr. Sawyer
[Dramatically]
No, we don't, I ate them for lunch! Cries
Helga
[about Lila]
Well, everything's back to normal.
Rhonda
She's Little Miss Perfect again.
Phoebe
She's funny and nice, pretty and popular.
Helga
And you know what the worst part is? I like her.
Rhonda and Phoebe
Yeah, me too.

Mud Bowl [edit]

Wolfgang
We'll meet you tomorrow... on the gridiron. Leaves
Edmund
[Off-screen]
What's a gridiron?
Wolfgang
[Off-screen, whispers]
Shut up...
Gerald
We're going to beat them?
Arnold
Sorry, I got carried away.
Helga
Nice going head boy, now we're all going to get carried away, On stretchers! They're fifth graders! They older, bigger, more brutal.
Arnold
Size isn't everything Helga, maybe we're smarter.
Helga
Smarter, being smarter doesn't have to do with anything with football.
Helga
97
[Kids groan while doing push-ups.]
Helga
98
[Kids groan while doing push-ups.]
Helga
99! Come on! Get up! Walk it off. Let's go! We're going to practice everyday until I start seeing some improvement. And let's start thinking positively, think like winners, you bunch of losers.
[Harold vomits]
Helga
Any questions?
Harold
Ahh, I just throw up my protein drink! Vomits again

 

Mugged [edit]

Grandma
Be as the frog in the pond, Arnold.
Arnold
[Into a mirror]
Hey! You talkin' to me? You... talkin' to me?
Grandpa Phil
No, I didn't say anything.
Arnold
Hey, leave those kids alone.
Mr. Hyunh
How big was this punk?
Arnold
Big.
Mr. Hyunh
Big punk?
Arnold
Big.
Mr. Hyunh
Big huh?
Grandpa
Oh, simmer down, you hot-headed loony!
Mugger
Give me your purse, Granny!
Grandma
He can have it. It's just a purse, you know.

New Teacher [edit]

Lt. Major Goose
You, what's your name?
Curly
Curly.
Lt. Major Goose
Your hair's not curly, boy! What's your real name?
Curly
Thaddeus.
Lt. Major Goose
Curly, go stand in that corner!
Helga

(laughing)

Lt. Major Goose

You've earned yourself a corner, little lady.

Harold

(laughing)

Lt. Major Goose

And so have you Pally! Move Move! Move! You! (to stinky) The remaining corner, now!

Stinky

Why?

Lt. Major Goose

Symmetry!

Mr. Simmons
Well, that's one way to respond by not responding. Silence: often speaks volumes.
Principal Wartz
It's like music to my ears.

Olga Comes Home [edit]

Helga

To change the grades... or not to change the grades... that is the question....
Helga
Stuck in her shadow, sweet revenge... stuck, revenge.... no contest Helga decides to redo Olga's grades
Olga
[after getting a B plus]
I can't believe. I— I've never even gotten an A-minus!
Helga
Well, you know what they say. The older you get, the brain cells are the first to go.
Big Bob
[about Olga]
She can't be moping all day.
Miriam
Yes she can... I do.
Helga
[eating chocolates]
One for Helga... none for Olga.
Arnold
I don't know, Helga. I've always wanted to have a brother or a sister. I always thought those relationships were kinda special.
Helga
Yeah, well, what do you know? Olga is evil. She's a pompous, overbearing, arrogant witch. Only, this time, I've got her beat.
Arnold
Okay. Forget I mentioned it.
Helga
[on Arnold's advice]
If only I could be that kind... but I'm not, so that's that.
Helga
[on her parents' concern for Olga]
Even when she's out of the way, she still ruins everything for me. Helga slams door on Olga Ah, much better.
Helga
[in fantasy sequence]
What's it like to fly?
Arnold the Angel
It's OK.
Helga
[after telling the truth, and now it's back to the parents praising Olga and punishing Helga]
Everything's back to normal, bucko.
Olga
You must think I'm pretty lucky, all the attention I get from Mom and Dad. I have to be perfect all the time and perform like some kind of wind-up doll. You're lucky that they don't even notice you.
Helga
Thanks.
Olga
Hey, what are sisters for?
Helga
I don't know.
Olga
Tomorrow let's spend the day together, just you and me.

Olga Gets Engaged [edit]

Miriam
[when she hears about Olga getting married]
No, Olga! Don't make the same mistake I made!
Helga
Oh man, this guy's a total liar! If Olga marries him, her life will be ruined... Perfect!
Bob
"So what's the stinkin' rush all about? get married in a year, if you still want to."
Miriam
"You won't want to."
Olga
"Mommy, Daddy, please don't be harsh............"
Doug
"It's okay, darling, you're parents just need time to adjust."
Bob
"Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you little twist top, Big Bob Pataki doesn't adjust, you got it?"
Helga
"Daddy, it's not fair to have Olga choose between her true love........and us."
Olga (tearfully)
"Helga's right, Daddy, you're being an awful brute, and Mommy, you're not even trying to like Doug.......I am so.......miserable."

(Olga runs off crying and weeping to her bedroom)

Helga
"If I play my cards right I can get rid of Olga for good."

On the Lam [edit]

Stinky
I done went and sat on my hot sauce and now I gots hot pants!
Harold
[Pretending to be a hobo, he gets asked if he's seen Harold, Stinky, and Sid]
No sir, and we don't know nothing about some police station!
Harold
We can't go to the authorities, we blew up the authorities!
Harold, Sid, and Stinky
WE BLEW UP THE POLICE STATION!!!!! Waaaaaah!!!!!
Ernie
No... I blew up the police station!!!!

Operation Ruthless [edit]

Arnold
[practicing]
Hi Ruth. Hi Ruth. Hi Ruth.
[as they are about go into the Tunnel of Love]
Harold
I don't want to go into the Tunnel of Love with you Rhonda!
Rhonda
Oh I know you like me Harold!
[as she grabs him in the ride and as they head off into the Tunnel of Love]
Harold
I do not! HELP! LET ME GO! LET ME GOOOOOOO!
Helga
Make way! Shove over, sister. Checks boy line This is perfect. A little maneuvering and I'll be riding a swan with Arnold while Ruth winds up with some dumb slob. Laughs Helga, you're a genius. Crashes into a girl Shove over, sister!

Oskar Can't Read? [edit]

Oskar
Kitty, kitty, kitty, do you like to pet the kitty? I like to pet the kitty! Hey look! I'm petting the kitty!
Oskar
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
Kid
Can't you read, mister, can't you read?

Oskar Gets a Job [edit]

Arnold
Will you stop talking like a talkshow host sidekick?!

Phoebe Cheats [edit]

Mr. Simmons: [Reading Phoebe's poem in front of the class] I hear your name, like a bell, ringing, ringing, in my heart.
'Principal Wartz]: [Talking to Phoebe as he leaves] We're proud of our multicultural students here at P.S. 118. [Stops in the doorway and looks back] Where do you come from, Phoebe?
Phoebe: [flatly] Kentucky, sir.

Phoebe Skips [edit]

Phoebe
[jumping on her bed]
I get to go to the sixth grade! I get to go to the sixth grade!
Phoebe
I suppose the only solution would be to tell the manger the truth.
Helga
That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard in my entire life!
Helga
I need time to come up with a plan to get out of paying! We'll stall! We'll order more food! Lots more food!
Phoebe
But isn't that just exacerbating the problem?

Phoebe's Little Problem [edit]

Harold: I got something to say. Phoebe's a farter! Phoebe's a farter! Hahahahaha! [Suddenly he wets his pants; gulps]
Sid: Look! Harold wet his pants!
Helga: Look Phoebe, you gotta snap out of this. I mean, criminy, it's not like it's the first time you ever farted. Heck, when you sleep over you do it all the time. You rip'em all night long, they stink to high heaven. It's all I can do to keep from passing out.
Phoebe: [Points to door from under blanket; irritably] Just get out.
Arnold: [Telling the class about Phoebe] ...and she's so embarassed and upset that she's never coming back to P.S. 118. [Class murmurs]
Mr. Simmons: Thank you, Arnold, for bringing this very serious issue to our attention. [sighs] Now, people, one of our own classmates is in trouble and it's up to us to help her through her crisis. I think we should all go over to Phoebe's after school and tell her that she has nothing to be embarassed about. I think we should tell her that we love her and care for her and if she comes back to school, we'll all forget about her little incident and never talk about it again! What do you say?! [class remains silent] Okay, if we pull this off, then tomorrow's Movie Day.
Class: YEAH!!!

Pigeon Man [edit]

Stinky
[About Pigeon Man]
Does he bite?
Pigeon Man
Some people are meant to be with people, and others, like me, are just different.
Pigeon Man
Remember, Arnold, always wash your berries before you eat them. And fly towards the sun.

Polishing Rhonda [edit]

Rhonda
[About her progress report]
Pushy? Self-obsessed? Materialistic? There must be some mistake!
Rhonda
How am I supposed to get punch with you standing there?
Patty
Try saying the magic word.
Rhonda
Move?

Principal Simmons [edit]

Simmons

PS 118 needs you back!
Wartz
Excuse me a moment. closes door, starts singing and dancing with a doll They want me back! They want me back! They want me back! Who-ho! opens the door, gets serious face Please come in.

Quantity Time [edit]

Big Bob
[Thinking]
Great, now I have to sit through this stupid musical for three hours.
Helga
[Thinking]
Great, now I have to sit through this stupid musical for three hours.

Ransom [edit]

Curly
Yeah, I like Licorice, so what? Kidnapping is not my game — too messy!
Curly
Alright I'll tell ya but you have to keep it under your hatsee.
Curly
I was at a ballet lesson Madame Bovary's school for boys.
Gerald
Ballet lessons? Oh, come on.
Curly
[Dancing]
Plié, jeté. See, I ain't joking.
Gerald
Hey, he's pretty good.
Arnold
All right, he checks out.
Harold
[To Arnold and Gerald]
You call me Slim one more time, I'll knock your teeth off!

Rhonda Goes Broke [edit]

Rhonda
There is no way I'm going to recycle bottles and cans to pay for my lunch! Scene changes; shows her digging through a dumpster

Rhonda's Glasses [edit]

Rhonda
If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh?

Road Trip [edit]

Helga

Me, Mom and Dad are supposed to visit my grandma in South Dakota.
Arnold
Sounds like fun.
Helga
I'd rather have a root canal.
Helga
Great! You lost the directions; we’re totally lost on the road to nowhere, with a map of Wankyland!
Helga
Mom, please tell me you didn’t leave your purse on top of the car again!
Miriam
Helga, you know, I think that that is exactly what happened.

Roller Coaster [edit]

[as Arnold and Eugene Horowitz are going in a Roller Coaster]
Sid
He's a goner...
Gerald
He's a brave boy...
Harold
He's a saint — he gave me his tokens...

Roughin' It [edit]

[on a camping trip, Grandpa is showing Arnold and Gerald survival skills. Gerald is eating red berries. Arnold is eating green berries]
Grandpa
Now, only do this under adult supervision. Red and sweet are good to eat, but I swear by this sonnet, green will make you vomit.
Arnold
[swallows]
I thought it was green and sweet are good to eat.
Grandpa
No, I've been saying it all morning. Red and sweet. Red and sweet.
Arnold
Excuse me a minute. Arnold runs off screen and vomits
Grandpa
[sarcastically]
You're vomiting, aren't you, Arnold?
Grandpa
Everything in nature is beautiful. Unless it's ugly.
On a hike through the woods
Big Bob Pataki
Ugh! Now the sun's going down. It's getting kind of cool up here. I think I should turn off this mis... Turns knob and it explodes, sending Bob into a tree
Phoebe
Are you okay, Mr. Pataki?
Big Bob Pataki
AM I okay! LOOK AT ME! The food's gone, my neck's burn, the mister doesn't work, and to top it all off — WE'RE LOST!
Helga
Lost? I thought you knew where we were!
Big Bob Pataki
I've been lost ever since we saw those signs in Spanish.
[after the pathfinder breaks]
Big Bob Pataki
Cheap piece of junk. I'll sell thousands.
Arnold
[using his instincts]
Camp, should be right... there!
[the group cheers happily]
Arnold
But we've got to follow this path around because...
Big Bob
Forget the path, kid! Camp's right there! runs through the tall bushes alone and back into the camp cheering to himself
Arnold
I was just going to say, because that's poison ivy.

Sally's Comet [edit]

Gerald

[on the comet]
70 years? Where is it the rest of the time?
Arnold
I don't know, but if we don't see it this time, when comes again, we're gonna be old.
Gerald
Really old. I mean ancient! I mean hair growin out of our ears!
Oskar
Eat cereal, get a telescope. What a country.
Helga
I'm sick of cereal. I'm sick of milk. I'm sick of all these football-headed schemes.
Arnold
[Arnold on why not just dump the cereal]
There are children who are starving.
Harold
I'm starving right here.
Gerald
[yelling to the populace]
Turn off ya lights!
Young Phil
Dad, if only those lights weren't burning so bright.
Phil's Dad
I can take care of that. He pours water on gaslight so Phil can see the comet
Phil
[about Hawk Mountain]
I fell off the mountain and broke every bone in my body.
Gerald
[on traffic to Hawk Mountain]
Man, this is insane!
Nocturnal Ned
Too bad you can't do that on the air, now excuse me, I have to go back on live... Ned has a "whoops, looks like they did" look on his face as he sees the "on the air" indicator is already on
Grandpa
Oh my — look up, boys, look up! 23 skidoo! Heh heh! Boys, you're gonna remember this for the rest of your lives!
Arnold
So, what do you think we'll be doing after 70 years?
Gerald
Lookin' at this comet again.
Grandpa
Yes sir. Of course I won't be, because I'll be... you know"
Gerald
Ah, no you won't Phil.
Grandpa
Would you stop callin' me Phil?!

Save the Tree [edit]

Sid
We threw away everything but the kitchen sink! gets the kitchen sink Okay, here goes!
Nick Vermicelli
This time I'll be a 50% partner.
Big Bob Pataki
20.
Nick Vermicelli
40.
Big Bob Pataki
20.
Nick Vermicelli
30.
Big Bob Pataki
20.
Nick Vermicelli
Deal.
Arnold
If I hit the lever, maybe I can stop it.
[Cup misses lever]
Helga
[Mimicking Arnold]
If I can hit the lever, maybe I can stop it.
Arnold
[Thinking]
I hope they stop in time.
Helga
[Thinking]
Boy, he smells good.
Stinky
Wilikers! It's Big Bob!
Sid
And... and... some other guy!

School Play [edit]

Helga

[Trying to scare Sheena]
You know about the end, right? She's in a crypt, you know, a mausoleum, full of dead rotting corpses and bats. Getting steadily creepier And then she takes this big, sharp, rusty dagger... and she holds it up high over her head... and then Feigns stabbing herself and gasping in pain Oh, it's great. Real bloody, violent stuff.
Helga
[Mutters quietly]
I like Arnold.
Lila
Pardon? I couldn't hear you.
Helga
[Mutters slightly louder, but faster]
I like Arnold.
Lila
I'm sorry, Helga, you're mumbling.
Helga
[Practically screams to her face]
I LIKE ARNOLD. Pants I'm head over heels, loop-de-loo, over the moon. I'm in love with the boy!. Pants Happy now? Happy?
Lila
[Stares at her, then smiles cooly]
I kinda had a feeling you liked him.
Mr. Hyunh
Why can't you act like a normal person?
Oskar
Me? What about you? You're wearing a dress!
Mr. Hyunh
[to Arnold]
Now I believe you should be Romeo. And I will be Juliette!
Helga
[acting]
Go get the hands, for I will not away...
Sid
[also acting]
Okey-dokey!
Arnold
I guess we did alright, Helga!
Helga
I guess so! Except for that disgusting kiss. Ugh!
Arnold
Then why'd you kiss me for so long?!
Helga
It was just acting - I was trying to be professional! Don't think I actually enjoyed that! Ugh!
Arnold
Whatever you say, Helga.

Snow [edit]

[the residents are moaning about the furnace breaking]
Grandpa
You call this cold? You should have been here in the winter of 49!
Mr Hyunh
I don't care, I was in Vietnam in 1949... plus I was not born yet!
Grandpa
That's the problem with society today.
Arnold
What, we got no work ethic?
Grandpa
No, you got no play ethic!

Spelling Bee [edit]

Arnold
[practicing his spelling]
Phlegm. P-H-L-E.....um......
Grandpa
[walks in]
G-M, Phlegm! When you get to be my age, that's a word you use a lot.
Woman
Helga, your word is... "Qualm."
Helga
Qualm. Q-U-A-L... decides to lose on purpose X?
Woman
Sorry, that's incorrect.

Stinky Goes Hollywood [edit]

Stinky

Ya-Hoo Soda, just drink it.

Stinky's Pumpkin [edit]

Stinky
[to his father]
I know and all in one week too!
Stinky
Try, try, and try again, til you can't try no longer. And if that don't work, you just spent a whole lot of time doin' somethin' you just couldn't do.
Mayor Dixie
Wow! That's the biggest vegetable I've ever seen! First prize goes to.
Stinky
Stinky Peterson.

Stoop Kid [edit]

Gerald
He'll chase you down and pulverize you.
Arnold
How can he if he never leaves his stoop?
Gerald
Arnold, you're bold. Bold and crazy.
Harold
Hey, Stoop Kid, are you gonna cry for your mommy! laughs
Stoop Kid
Hey, come back here, you fatboy!
People
Stoop Kid's afraid to leave his stoop! Stoop Kid's afraid to leave his stoop!
Stoop Kid
I think I can! I think I can!

Stuck in a Tree [edit]

Harold
Arnold and Eugene stuck in a tree, S-T-U-K in a tree!
Chocolate Boy
[Reciting]
Go to the fire station, tell them we're stuck in a tree, and don't stop for chocolate. Stuck in fire station...
Arnold
Chocolate Boy, go to the fire station, tell them we're stuck up a tree, but don't stop for chocolate.
Chocolate Boy
Go to the fire station, tell them you're stuck up a tree, stop for chocolate.
Arnold
Don't stop for chocolate.
Chocolate Boy
Go to the fire station, tell them you're stuck up a tree, but only after stopping for chocolate.

Student Teacher [edit]

Harold
Hey, look, it's Helga the bed wetter. laughs

Summer Love [edit]

Helga
What the heck is going on here?? I'm gone for two LOUSY minutes and some bimbo is moving in on my territory! Well, fat chance I'm gonna let that happen. Arnold is gonna be mine, this vacation and no little beach chippie is gonna come between us!
Helga
[To Summer]
So long, Autumn! It's been a blast.
Grandpa Phil
[To ducks, suddenly realizing he was hallucinating]
Wait a minute, you're not my ancestors, you're a bunch of ducks.
Grandpa Phil
[Picks up shell]
Hello, 911? This is Grandpa!
Sandy
So you sure he doesn't have a clue?
Summer
Arnold? no way! he's pathetic, he's in love with me, I could probally get him to build me five sandcastles.
Sandy
But we just need one baby.
Summer
I know one sandcastle, we get first prize, I totally blow off Arnold and get to be on Babewatch, this plan worked out so perfectly.
[Her and Sandy kiss passionately]
Helga
[to crushed Arnold]
Sorry Arnold.
Arnold
You were right the whole time Helga.
[Summer walks over to where they are]
Summer
Oh Arnold there you are, ready to build our winning sandcastle?
Arnold
Forget it Summer, I'm on to you, I know you think I'm pathetic and I know you've been lying to me this whole time.
Summer
[surprised]
Arnold, I-I—
Arnold
I just heard you and that Sandy guy, you were just using me.
Summer
[shocked]
But-but—
Arnold
I'm not building any sandcastle with you, ever. good-bye Summer.
Arnold
Sorry I didn't listen to you Helga, I guess you were really just trying to be my friend.
Helga
And well I figured it was the right thing to do; I mean she was taking advantage of you and I couldn't just- well hey what the heck are we standing here talking for? we got a sandcastle competition to win; come on!

Suspended [edit]

Harold: [when he saw a D+ on his paper] Oh, I hate school. I wish I never have to go to school again.
Arnold: Come on, Harold, it's not that bad.
Harold: Yes, it is! We're trapped in here day after day, doing boring stuff, and standing in line for cold crappy food that they don't even give me time to eat! Oh, I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I just wish there was some way to get out of school and get to stay home and be free!
Principal Wartz: Repeat slowly after me.
Harold: Slowly after me...
Principal Wartz :No!
[Arnold and Harold approach]
Principal Wartz: What the devil's wrong with you two? You're not supposed to be within a hundred yards of this school!
Arnold: With all due respect, sir, according to the school constitution, article 14, section 2, paragraph 5, we are fully within our rights.
Harold: And it says here in, uh, a-article 39, section 4, w-when a student gets suspended, he can repeal it if there are... outside circumcisions!
Arnold: [Correcting Harold: ...stances.
Harold: ...stances! Outside circumstances!
[After Principal Wartz lifts Harold's suspension]
Arnold: Thanks, Principal Wartz. [Starts to follow Harold into the school]
Principal Wartz: Wait a minute, where are you going? [Arnold stops]
Arnold: Huh?
Principal Wartz: I didn't say anything about lifting your suspension.
Arnold: But Principal Wartz, I--
Principal Wartz: Just kidding!

Synchronized Swimming [edit]

Gerald
[About Coach Wittenberg]
But, Arnold, every time we even talk to him, he wants us to join some crazy team!
Coach Wittenberg
Boys, I want you to join this crazy team.

Teachers' Strike [edit]

Teachers
No chalk, no teachers! No chalk, no teachers!
Principal Wartz
Where do you think you're going?
Arnold
Back to school.
Gerald
There are teachers everywhere!
Harold
It's like one of those horror movies!
Helga
Except for the fact it's real, pink boy!

The Aptitude Test [edit]

Helga: I'll show them. I'm me the most mountain, nature-loving girl the Aptidute has ever seen. [Whacks a pine cone with a stick]
Eugene: 5, 6, 7, 8, and— [Gets hit with the pine cone]
Phoebe: [Giving a possible explanation to Helga's suggested career of woodsperson] Perhaps the test results indicate that someone with your dominate aggressive personality's best suited to a solitary occupation with a physical outlet for your expressions of rage. [Helga leans forward and glares angrily at Phoebe; nervously] Or perhaps not.

The Baseball [edit]

Mickey Kaline
[to Arnold]
Y'know, kid, since I was seven years old the only thing I ever wanted to do was play baseball. I loved every minute of it. From the first time I played catch with my dad to the home run I hit this afternoon. And, well... thanks, kid.

The Beeper Queen [edit]

Helga
Mom?
Miriam
Helga? What on earth are you doing here?
Helga
I need you for a minute, Mom. I mean, I need to talk to you.
Miriam
You need me for a minute, Mom. Listen, I am sorry, Helga, but this is just not a good time. I mean, we'll be back on in five minutes and they need me. So whatever it is, it'll just have to wait until later, okay? So, go on, bye-bye, go do your homework or something.

Cool Jerk [edit]

Helga

[to Harold being hit by a dodgeball]
You're fine, Rudolph.
Gerald
My buddy says Frankie G. is bad news.
Frankie
See you tomorrow, Arnold.
Arnold
See ya, Frankie.
Gerald
There something I don't like about that Frankie G guy.
Arnold
Well maybe you're just bummed cause there's actually someone around cooler than you for a change.
Frankie
I said I like you, kid! You got potential!
Arnold
You want my pencil?
Gerald
Fuzzy Slippers tells no lies man.
Gerald
Who'd you say was the coolest again?
Arnold
You're a Bold kid, Gerald.
Gerald
Wait a minute. That's my line.

The Flood [edit]

Harold
[sobbing]
I'm so close to the food! So close and yet so far away!
Helga
[to Harold]
Aw, put a sock in it! The rest of us can't live off our bulk like you can.
Mr. Simmons
[to Helga]
Young lady, I'm warning you—
Helga
What are you gonna do, make me stay after school?
Stinky
Helga, you're just too dang ornery!
Helga
Here's how much I care what you think. snaps finger

The Haunted Train [edit]

Arnold
Brainy? What are you doing here?
Brainy
Um. wheeze Something.
Arnold
There is no haunted train.
Grandpa
Well, now I didn’t say that.

 

The High Life [edit]

Gerald
What am I gonna do now, Smart Guy? AWWWWWW!!! sobs

The Journal [edit]

Grandpa
[Grandpa is reading out of Arnold's father's journal, an entry describing a volcanic eruption]
"It was terrifying and beautiful all at the same time." to Grandma Kind of like you, Pookie.
Phil
[reading journal]
It was the hottest night the jungle could get when we... whoops, time for bed Shortman!
Arnold
But Grandpa, it's only six o'clock.
Phil
Well, go order us some dinner then.
[Arnold leaves, and Phil tears the page he was reading out and puts it in his pocket]
Whoo, that was close.
Phil
[to Arnold]
They should have named you Phil.
[after reading about Arnold's birth]
Arnold
So, did my parents go back to their village after that?
Grandpa
[sarcastically]
No, you all lived in a temple surrounded by hot, boiling lava.
Grandma
But where did they go to the bathroom?
Grandpa
Yet another mystery.
Grandpa
Never get old, Arnold, never get old!
Priest Translator
[to Stella and Miles]
I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. —
[Pookie interrupts the story with a belch]
Grandpa
Pookey, I got a roll of tape, and I'm not afraid to use it!

The List [edit]

Gerald
The list for a kid's perfect Saturday: watch every cartoon from Six AM 'til Dance Craze, while eating three bowls of sugar chunk cereal; ride your bike down the steepest hill in the neighborhood, and you all know which one that is; play catch with every kid in the park; and finally, go to the movies and sit through it three times!
Guy on TV
Mutant robots from outer space, spitting bacteria that eat your face... TV melts
Grandpa
Hmmm... looks like I got the 220 mixed up with the 660.

The Little Pink Book [edit]

Helga
Those poems weren't meant to be seen until I am dead and buried and worms have consumed my flesh.
Helga
[referring to Arnold's room]
I'm in his room, the place I have often visited in my dreams.
Helga
Ohh My gosh what is that shampoo?
Arnold
So far, we know our suspect is female, lives in the tri-state area, and is somewhere between the ages of eight... and eighty-seven.
Gerald
[sarcastically]
Oh, we're doing good...
Helga
First spitball of the day football head.

The Old Building [edit]

Arnold
No, you see, I told Grandma I’d help save the same building I told Ernie I’d help destroy!

The Pig War [edit]

[Arnold and his friends built a wooden pig and are hiding in it while]

Grandpa pulls it to the "British" fort

Helga
Are you sure this is gonna work?
Arnold
Look. It worked on the Trojans because their enemies knew they were tired of all the fighting.
Grandpa
It worked on the Trojans because the Greeks knew when to keep quiet.
[after Grandpa wheels up a giant wooden pig as a surrender gift]
Rex Smythe-Higgins
Savor this moment, grandson, when your enemy surrenders. Open the gate!
Gate Opener
Uh Sir, there is a historical precedent to this and I think we should consider.
Rex Smythe-Higgins
Your job is not to consider! Your job is to blow the hunting horn! Now open the gate!
[the gate is opened and Arnold and his friends run out of the pig as soon as it is inside]

The Racing Mule [edit]

Ernie
[worried about the bet]
Yeah out, as in two hundred clams right down the crapper!

The Sewer King [edit]

Grandpa
Hey, where you going?
Arnold
To take a long, hard look at my life.
Grandpa
Well, while you’re there, would you pick up a quart of milk?
Sewer King
I finally have the royal icon.

The Vacant Lot [edit]

Gerald
We can call it: Geraldfield!
Arnold
Yeah, that's what we'll call it! Geraldfield!
Gerald
Yeah?
Arnold
Yeah!
Both
Yeah! Whahaha haha
Gerald
I like that name.. Geraldfield! Just say it! GERALDFIELD!
Gerald
You're a bold kid, Arnold, a bold kid.
Arnold
Our hands! Grabs Brainy's hand Look at these hands!
[Brainy wiggles his fingers]
They cleaned that lot! It's not fair.
Grandpa
Now if Arnold and his friends had to do this, they must have had a good reason.
Quietly to Arnold Head for the hills boy, I'll try to slow 'em down.

Timberly Loves Arnold [edit]

Gerald
Arnold, are you thinking what I think you're thinking?
Arnold
I don't know. What do you think I'm thinking?
Timberly
[to Arnold]
You're the nicest boy ever!
Gerald
[imitating]
Arnold, you're the nicest boy ever! See you tomorrow, Romeo!
Timberly
Where are you going?
Gerald
Nowhere.
Timberly
What are you doing there?
Gerald
Nothing.
Timberly
Can I come?
Gerald
No!
Gerald
We're going somewhere to do something.
Timberly
But you just said you're going nowhere to do nothing!

Tour de Pond [edit]

Grandpa Phil
We beated Smith Higgins! We beated Smith Higgins!

Tutoring Torvald [edit]

Ms. Slovak
You're 13 years old and you're still in fourth grade!
Ms. Slovak
Torvald, what's 3×3?
Torvald
Uh, 33?
Gerald
[to Arnold]
Do me a favor, Arnold. If he hits you, just lay down and stay down.
Torvald
Look, Arnold, I got a C!

Weighing Harold [edit]

Johnny

[pointing at Harold]
Look, Mommy. There's a fat man.
Johnny's Mother
Oh, Johnny. No, no, don't say that. He's not a fat man. He's a fat boy.
Harold
[talking to Arnold]
Look at me. I can barely lift my arms.
Harold
I'll take twelve of them.
Arnold
Harold, twelve low-fat Mr. Fudgies is the same as six regular Mr. Fudgies.
Harold
[yelling at Mr. Jolly Holly Man]
My names not Tubby! It's Harold!

Wheezin' Ed [edit]

Helga

[Screaming]
Ahhh! It's wheezin' Ed! AHH!
Arnold
Brainy? What are you doing here?
Brainy
Um. wheeze Something.
Vic
[Upon seeing the Kids]
Hey, You punks! What do You think You're doing?
[Kids gasp]
Sid
[Screams]
It's Wheezin' Ed! And... and some other guy!

World Records [edit]

Phoebe
What did you think TSP stood for?
Sid
[With everyone looking at him]
Uh... ten square pounds?
Arnold
We broke the record for most attempts to get in the Book of World Records! They say we're the most determined neighborhood they've ever heard of.

Quotes from unidentified episodes [edit]

Grandpa

Sounds like young Arnold's got another one of his complex labyrinthine conundrums of a boyhood problem.
[Arnold steps up to bat]
Arnold
Wind's in the east. I should probably shoot for the gap between second and third.
Gerald
Just try not to get hit, okay?
Arnold
Yeah, good strategy.
Helga
Come on, come on.
Harold
Alright already. Keep your shirt on, Helga, for all our sakes.

Runaway Float

Ms. Slovak: You're design would make a wonderful float! Arnold: Wow. Could we do it Ms. Slovak? Ms. Slovak: Oh if only it were so, Arnold but that would consume three times the school budget, but at least it goes on the bulletin board (class groans) Stinky: Wouldn't it be great if it was a real float? We could all ride on it too. Helga: Yes we'd ride through the streets like royalty! (dreams, band plays) A beautiful float Arnold, you're such an artistic spirit. Arnold: I'm nothing without you, my queen! (Helga fluffs her hair and bats her eyes as her dream sequence ends) Helga: I think I know where we can get the money... Hello Dad, How are you this evening? Comfy? Enjoying your paper? Big Bob: What do you want? I slready gave you your allowance.

Arnold
It's not insurmountable.
Gerald
Insurmountable? Man, you read too much.
Arnold
What's scat?
Grandpa
You know, scat. Droppings. Like what you're standing in.
Big Bob Pataki
Remember, we'll beat any advertised price. Unless it's lower.
[after Grandpa Phil gave him advice]
Arnold
Thanks, Grandpa.
Grandpa Phil
Sure, Arnold, anytime... Except next Wednesday at 3:30. I'm having a wart removed then.
Helga
Move it, football head!
[Censored Line as he is about to be denied entry of the Tunnel of Love]
Sid
What, because I'm short means I can't get no action!
Oskar Kokoshka
You keep the money.
Arnold
If you think about it, I know you'll do the right thing.
Harold
Whats the difference between a rump-roast and a butt steak?
Harold
Help me, mommy!
Eugene
I'm okay.
Eugene
Strained beets... Strained beets...
Helga
[says a poem]
Oh Arnold my love,
[Brainy's heavy breathing]
Helga knocks out Brainy
Gerald
You're a bold kid Arnold, a bold kid.
Helga
Ruth?! giggle Hewwo. My name's Wuth.
Helga
Doi!
Bossy girl
Mirror-mirror on the bus. Is she a geek, or one of us?...GEEK!
Grandpa
In out in out. Pig goes out the door then back in with mudd OUT! OUT! OUT!
Oskar
Kitty kitty kitty. Oh-so soft and pretty. Will you pet the kitty? Yes I will pet the kitty. Pet pet pet.
Grandpa
Hey, short man!
Grandma
Must rescue the missionary! On team!! ON team!!
Helga
Criminy! What is this crap?
Helga Pataki
C'mon Phoebe, let's go spit in the river.
Stinky
Helga, you're just too damn ornery.
Stinky
This Really Bites!
Grandpa
Morning, short-man!

External links [edit]

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