Holby City

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Holby City (1999–present) is a medical drama television serial broadcast on BBC One in the United Kingdom. It follows the lives of surgeons, nurses, other medical and ancillary staff, and patients at the fictional Holby City hospital. The show is currently executive produced by Tony McHale, who co-created Holby City and has been a writer with the series since the first episode.

Contents


[edit] Series 5

[edit] ...As The Day Is Long [5.26]

Diane: Where's my patient?
Jess: Bay Four.
Alex: And mine?
Jess: Bay Four.
Alex: Are our patients in bed together?

[edit] Series 6

[edit] In At The Deep End [6.35]

Connie: Unless Tom Campbell-Gore is wearing my skirt and heels, I'm in charge here.
Addressing an ungrateful patient.
Connie: Have you any idea what it took to save your life today? Three surgeons, two anaesthetists, not to mention the nurses, porters, theatre staff. It probably cost about £35,000 to put you back on your feet. And I ruined a perfectly good shirt.

[edit] Series 7

[edit] It's Kinda Rock 'n' Roll [7.27]

Gossiping about Connie.
Lisa: Her husband's just been made chairman of the board.
Donna: Husband? I thought they just plugged her into the mains at the end of each day.

[edit] Rat Race [7.37]

Discussing the odd behaviour of lab technician Reg.
Loftwood: Evolved somewhere under the elevated section of the M25, apparently...

[edit] Series 8

[edit] Prometheus Unbound [8.09]

Ric: Dean, I think I might have found a new rotation for you.
Dean: What department?
Ric: Telephony.

[edit] Invasion [8.34]

Abra: I'm your new Diane!
Addressing Nick.
Abra: You have all the charm of a salt encrusted slug.

[edit] Extreme Measures [8.37]

Kyla: You haven't got a twelve year old to look after twenty-four seven.
Donna: No, I'm not that stupid, am I?

[edit] Just Another Day [8.48]

Flirting with Kyla by means of bad jokes.
Abra: Okay, so, this surgeon goes into a pub with a slab of tarmac under his arm, and says “Beer please, and one for the road.” …’Cause he’s got a bit of road.
Abra: So…a Consultant, a Registrar, an SHO and a Scotsman go into a pub. And the barman says -
Kyla: - What is this, some kinda joke?
Abra: Ta da. Well that’s it, you’ve heard both my jokes now…So you’ll have to tell me one.
Kyla: Um. Well there was this surgeon, and there was this nurse.
Abra: And the surgeon, he’s, um, bit of an idiot, tells really bad jokes?
Kyla: They are pretty bad, yeah.
Abra: But the nurse…is really beautiful?
Kyla: I dunno about that.
Abra: Oh, I think so. What’s the punch line?
Kyla: There isn’t one… Yet.

[edit] Series 9

[edit] Fly Me To The Moon [9.3]

Joseph: I'm dying for a bacon butty.
Elliot: You? A bacon butty?
Joseph: Yes, I do take the silver spoon out of my mouth once in a while to enjoy a good fry up.

[edit] It's Been A Long Day [9.07]

Abra: I did an operation I shouldn’t have. I destroyed the notes…now I need to find some notes so that Clifford thinks everything was above board.
Kyla: What?
Abra: If I’m caught that’s me finished, no two ways about it, I’ll be struck off. Sued, jailed…probably a stint in the stocks as well.
Kyla: You killed someone?
Abra: Apparently worse. You know Pete Golding, we admitted this morning?
Kyla: Mm.
Abra: I gave him a pig’s kidney. To, ah, keep him alive and off dialysis.
Kyla: You did what?
Abra: You wanted to know.
Kyla: Are you insane? A pig’s kidney? A pig’s kidney, that’s -
Abra: - I had no alternative.
Kyla: How about NOT giving him a pig’s kidney?

[edit] Face Value [9.15]

Speaking to Diane.
Dan: There are five things I admire in a doctor. Colaboration, courage, skill, integrity and an hour glass figure. Four out of five's not bad!
Playing a slightly inebriated game of mini-golf while discussing song lyrics.
Diane: Really really really wanna zig-a-zig....ahhhh.
Dan: Now that's what I call girl power!

[edit] What Lies Beneath [9.23]

Watching Matt from a distance.
Dan: The last person I saw standing like that was Julian Clary.
Maddy: He’s not gay!
Dan: Has he made a pass at you?
Maddy: No.
Dan: I rest my case.
Maddy: You are such an ass sometimes.
Dan: Fifty quid says he is.
Maddy: Done.
Dan: Okay, now you’ve got to prove it.
Maddy: He’s not gay, I know he’s not!
Dan: You’ve slept with him you tart! I wanna see pictures of this.
Maddy: Of course I haven’t.
Dan: Oh don’t be so offended, you Sam Strachan girl you.
Maddy: What if I got a third female party to verify he’d made a pass at them? Would that do?
Dan: Okay, but I still wanna see pictures!

[edit] Bedlam [9.24]

Discussing Joseph's questioning by the police.
Sam: Come on Faye, dish the dirt...
Faye: What about?
Sam: Squeaky clean Joseph Byrne being beaten with rubber hoses as we speak!

[edit] For Whom The Bell Tolls [9.27]

Discussing Diane's dislike of Jac.
Dan: You two ever thought about mud wrestling?
Diane: Why is it she thinks she's got Lord Byrne wrapped around her little finger?
Dan: They're having wild sex when we're not looking.
Diane: Actually, they were getting on terribly well after the tele-surgery at the hotel.
Dan: No, he's 70 odd. I think a spell to put lead back in pencils is beyond even Miss Naylor.
Diane: Oh, I dunno, she's such a witch.
Dan: You think Lord Byrne would stoop that low?
Diane: Maybe not.
Dan: Listen, ah, Friday morning, I, ah, got a golf tournament, you couldn't cover me could you?
Diane: What's my reward?
Dan: Wild. Unlimited. Sex.
Diane: Shakes her head.
Dan: With me, not with Lord Byrne.
Diane: Still no.

[edit] The Q Word [9.41]

Watching Lord Byrne and Jac.
Lady Byrne: They make a lovely couple don’t they?
Joseph Byrne: How long have you known?
Elliot Hope: Boredom is God’s gift to the over-stimulated.
Abra Durant: The punter…or do you prefer client?
Jayne Grayson: I prefer patient.
Lord Byrne: Apparently my ulcer also disapproves of divorce.
The Jayne Grason is 'snooping around'.
Abra Durant': You don’t see the knife till there’s blood on the floor
Kyla Tyson: Don’t you think that’s just a little bit paranoid.
About the busy ward, which had been quiet until Thandie said so.
Abra Durant: The Q word. Today of all days someone had to say the Q word.
Sees Jac Naylor kiss Lord Byrne
Dan Clifford: Oh my God…this place is never dull.
Dan Clifford: [to Joseph Byrne about Jac] Remind me: did you dump her or did she dump you…oh that was below the belt wasn’t it? … Everyone knows she dumped you!
Dan Clifford: [referring to Lord Byrne and his heart] Too much rumpy not enough pumpy.
During Lord Byrne’s operation
Dan Clifford: One point to us
Joseph Byrne: There’s the rupture there and there
Dan Clifford: Oh...two points to God. [fixes hole] …the equalizer.

[edit] Friends Reunited [9.47]

Connie: Are you disputing my diagnosis Mr Strachen?
Sam: Of course not.
Connie:Because in my humble, professional opinion, that's a dead body.
Elderly relative has just died.
Relative1: You mean she's dead?
Faye: We had to move the body but you can see her when you're ready.
Relative1: Yes...
Relative2: Don't.
Relative1: Yes...Yes...
Relative2: Stop it!
Relative1: Oh come on Lorna, don't pretend you aren't relieved.
Relative2: Not here.
Relative1: Why not? What's she gonna do? The old bat has finally pegged it. YES!
Relative2: To Faye and Sam You must think we're evil...
Relative1: Well I don't know about you, but I'm cracking open the champagne.
Relative1: Sorry...
Sam: No...uh...it's OK.
Relative1: Ding dong the witch is dead!
Relative1: Darren!...shhh...
Faye: Somehow I don't think they'll be pushing for a malpractice suit!


[edit] Series 10

[edit] TKO [10.32]

Sam: So, you've knocked Faye up you dirty old dog.
Joseph]: What? No no...it's a patient.
Sam: Come off it Joey boy.
Joseph: Alright it's Faye.
Sam: It's a kid not the antichrist.

[edit] Love You' [10.36]

Carl: From now on I own you. Now GIVE.
Jac: How much? How much did you give her Joseph?
Joseph: Five thousand. I made it out to cash.
Jac: You gave him a cheque? You idiot.
Joseph: What?

[edit] Doctors Dilemma [10.37]

Faye: What if our presence upsets her?
Joseph: Why did you tamper with the brakes?
Ric: You get into bed with Connie Beachump, you pay the price. Look at Sam.
Michael: Yeah but you and me ain't as dumb as Sam. Look all I'm saying is lets just do this one op with her, I'm not getting naked with her.
Donna: Who's getting naked with who?
Ric: Donna, we're changing.
Donna: I'm a nurse. Look Sam I need to find Mr Byrne urgently.
Sam: Have you tried Darwin..where he works?
Michael: Can we do anything to help?
Donna: No, you guys are my butlers, he said he'd be my auctioneer only now he's vanished.
Sam: I...don't think I agreed to be your butler.
Ric: I definitely didn't.
Donna: Well you guys got the email right?
Michael: What did I forget to RSVP?
Joseph: Mr Drummond..acute chest pain..how longs this been going on for?
Mr Drummond: Not sure.
Joseph: You don't know how long you've been in pain?
Michael: Look, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, me, Eric, you..
Connie: Yeah, mind boggles.
Jayne: Great. Now I'm going to burn in hell And feel depressed.

[edit] New Lands, New Beginnings [10.38]

Dr Rose: If he does start rambling on about waking up during the operation, just tell him it's a common experience.
Daisha: He woke up!?
Dr Rose: Well, reflex actions.
Daisha: But he actually woke up!?
Dr Rose: Alright, keep it under your hat.
Daisha: Who the hell was the anaethatist?!
Dr Rose: Me. It was a reflex action!
Daisha: Mr Rose what's wrong with your eyebrows?
Joseph: I'm sure Faye will be alright, she's a bit like a cat. Multiple lives.
Linden: Joseph's inability with modern technology dragged me deeper in.
Daisha: Mr Byrne, I need you to talk to Mr Preistly.
Joseph: What about?
Daisha: His eyebrows.
Mr Priestly: So your saying it never happened?
Joseph: *most unconvincing expression and tone ever*......Yeah..
Joseph: We'll need to call at Amber cottage, it's on Westly Way, for my passport...and phone charger.
Linden: I didn't know if it was just his driving, but he was really beginning to annoy me.
Joseph: You got any change? Small notes.
Joseph: Terrible drivers in Capetown.
Linden: I'll drive on the way back, you nearly killed us three times.
Joseph: None of those were my fault.
Linden: Jumping a red light is kind of your fault.
Joseph: Your right, I've become a doubting Thomas and that's not a nice trait.
Joseph: Faye made me watch a film the other night, I'm not sure if you've heard of it. Die hard.
Linden: Suddenly I had John McLane as a partner.
Linden: She married a gay guy?
Joseph: Perhaps she didn't know at the time.
Linden: Perhaps he didn't know.
Joseph: I think we should get out of here.
Linden: Hang on, you're the one who climbed the gate and wrestled with the rottwielers.
Joseph: Yes your right. What's he say? Hippy kyak? Obviously a reference to canoeing for some reason.
Linden: I take it you know the murder rate is ten times more than Harlem here.
Joseph: I didn't. I'm so pleased you chose this moment to inform me.
Joseph: Look I promise you the height won't kill you...wheras the hoodlums might.
Lucas: I didn't know he was disabled.
Faye: You never asked!
Linden: Joseph this isn't a good idea, they shoot people here.
Joseph: My father gave me that....well we never did get along.

Joseph: So yes...I have trust issues.

[edit] Change of heart' [10.39]

Connie: News travels fast....bad news travels faster.
Jac: I thought I was doing the right thing.
Joseph: Oh, really? Would that be the stalking or the snooping.
Jac: We were close, once.
Joseph: Please don't remind me.
Joseph: If there is no other hypothetical surgeon available I suppose I will hypothetically operate.
Maddy: Look he's not going to be doing the Viennese waltz. Have you seen rent?!?!? Stupid question...
Jac: Please don't tell me I was lucky.
Elliot: No, you were flipping lucky!
Jac: I've had plently of time to lie here and think about myself. About myself as a grade A bitch.
Joseph: That would be grade A scheming bitch.
Mark: You don't want friends do you? You don't even really want colleagues, you'd be happy spending the day with a bunch of robots.
Linden: It'd suit me fine. No talk. No mistakes.
Joseph: She said she was sorry...and I think she meant it.
Linden: The patient didn't survive the operation.
Maddy: Why?
Linden: I've absolutely no idea.
Jac has a pneumonthorax, and is seriously ill.
Jac: How much trouble am I in?
Joeseph: No trouble at all.
Jac: Elliot.
Elliot: He's right.
Jac: Tell me the truth.
Joeseph: No, the truth is you're going to be fine.
Elliot: So shut up and let me concentrate.
Jac: Some bedside manner.
To Jac after her motorcycle crash.
Elliot: Have you ever thought of buying yourself a nice litte run-a-round?
Jac: You should have seen the bike I almost bought.

[edit] Series 11

[edit] Locked Away [11x24]

[two theatre staff collapse suddenly]
Joseph: What on Earth is going on?
Marianne: I spent last Autumn working in Nepal.
Jac: Believe it or not, now is not the time for photos.
Marianne: Ah, stay with me it will make sense. Climber’s Field Hospital.
Joseph: Ah, so you climb.
Marianne: Ah, some. With Nick. Anyway, the point is there was a husband and wife team from Dehli running the place. Orthopods. Absoulutely solid in theatre. Knew each other inside out.
Jac: And?
Joseph [at the same time]: Why ...
Marrianne: Watching you guys reminded me a little.
[Dr. Greene is suffering from the contamination, Donna enters the room.]
Greene: Thought you were on Kellar?
Donna: I am, but I’m on a break, so I’ve got nothing better to do.
Greene: Bit of drama? Are you drawn to it? Or is it a recce so you can go and report back to the other nurses?
Donna: What is it with you? I come here, I try and be friendly. I show a bit of concern...
Greene: Right, well, if you’re looking for sympathy you’ve come to the wrong place.
Donna: No, I was just looking out for you.
Marianne: Nick will be here for me. Picking me up. He hates waiting.
Jac: Well, treat them mean, keep them keen.
Joseph: There you have it. Jac’s attitude to life in a nutshell. [awkard pause]. So Nepal, huh. Is that where you and Nick met? I would have thought it was through here.
Jac: Trying to keep our morale up are we? That old Blitz spirit.
[About the patient who is being operated on needing more anaesthetic]
Joseph: He’s about to get up and leave!
[Jac gives Joseph, who is semi-conscious, an injection]
Joseph [sarcastically]: You gonna put me down?
Jac: So do you remember Madame Butterfly?
Joseph: If my entire life is going to flash before my eyes, it’s just the edited highlight.
Jac: I hated it. You know that, Opera. I really hated it.
Joseph: You should have just said.
Jac: Well, uncharacteristically, I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. We hadn’t been together very long.
Joseph: You looked like someone else. No actually, you looked like You. Like you should look.

[edit] Unidentified episodes

Joseph: still spreading peace and love wherever you go I see.
Jac: Was I talking to you?
Jac: I bet you think it’s really funny making me out to be an imbecile in front of Jayne Grayson.
Donna: Oh I think you did that all by yourself.
Jac: You set me up.
Donna: Yeah? Well what about the mysterious disappearing CT scan, not to mention the dead battery in Mike's bleeper.
Jac: Oh so it's Mike now.
Donna: Yeah, he's a mate of mine. Do you know what they are?
Jac: Very disappointed in you Donna(turns around and starts to walk off)
Joseph: Ah Miss Naylor, and how was your day?
Jac: Get stuffed.
Medical student: Grovel
Jac: It's not in my nature
Medical student: It's good for the soul
Jac: I don't have one
Connie: You can either have me, Doctor Death, or no-one.
Zubin: For the first time ever, the NHS has more managers than beds. Did you know that?
Helen Grant: Your point?
Zubin: I've got a rather revolutionary idea. You can take it to your next Trust meeting if you like. Get the managers down on all-fours, throw blankets over them - and hey presto!
Ric: To Helen Grant. People management. Not really your forté, is it?
Mark: The drinks are on me.
Chrissie: Who do you think you are? The Milky Bar Kid?
Connie: Do you get altitude sickness?
Will: What?
Connie: From your moral high ground.
Rosie: I'm 40. There's something I'm missing. Oh, yeah, a baby. Pass me the yellow pages.
Carrying out an operation that Connie has specifically ordered them not to carry out.
Will: We need to get through this as quickly as possible - every minute on the table is putting an extra strain on her heart.
Mubbs: It's not something I can rush. If I deliver too much fluid or too quickly it may cause the placenta to detach.
Will: It's Connie detaching my testicles that I'm concerned about.
Zubin: Mrs Beauchamp, I have to admit that you have the leadership skills of an eight-year-old with a Kalashnikov.
Lola: As my grandma used to say, "If you look for a peck of trouble, don't gripe when you find a bushel."
Ric: [sarcastically] As ever, your grandma's wisdom astounds me.
Lola: As Grandma used to say, "All mouth and no trousers makes Jack a dull boy".
Ric: Is it possible your grandma was a little confused?
Reading patients' comment cards in the family-planning clinic.
Mickie: [smirking] We've got some really good comments.
Donna: "I never knew you could get free condoms here. Now I won't have to re-use my old ones." How gross is that?

[edit] Cast

Ordered by arrival date.

[edit] External links

Wikipedia
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