I'm in the Band
Weasels in the House
- Tripp: *Is wear a blue tooth head set* Yes! Oh, Izzy! I got through. I'm on hold with the radio station to win dinner with Iron Weasel
- Izzy: No way! Greatest rock band ever! If you win can I please come to dinner, Tripp?
- Tripp: If you promise not to act like a crazed fan and embarrass me.
- Izzy: *Shakes hands* Deal.
- Tripp: Oh, I'm on!
- Izzy: *Jumps up and down around Tripp* OH MY GOSH! I LOVE YOU IRON WEASEL! YOU'RE THE BEST IRON WEASEL! *Holds Tripp ear-piece to her mouth* I LOVE YOU IRON WEASEL!
- Tripp: Tripp: I'm still on hold. That was a test. You're not coming to dinner. And ow!
- Tripp: There goes my dream. My dream's getting in their van. My dream's closing the van door. My dream's... putting on their pajamas and brushing their teeth? I think my dream lives in their van.
- Burger: Okay, there's no photo session at a hotel suite. It's happening here. Okay, we just take pictures of ourselves with our camera phones. Okay, our phones don't have cameras. Okay, we don't have phones. Okay.
I'm Out of the Band
- Derek, Burger and Ash: TRIPP'S LEAVING THE BAND? THIS IS YOUR FAULT! MY FAULT?! STOP SAYING WHAT I'M SAYING!
- Tripp: GUYS!
- Derek, Burger and Ash: What?
- Tripp: I'm not leaving the band.
- Derek, Burger and Ash: HE'S STAYING! IT'S BECAUSE OF ME! BECAUSE OF YOU?! STOP SAYING WHAT I'M SAYING!
- Tripp: Hey guys! They were having a bake sale at school today. Who wants a cupcake?
- Derek: Fluff your cupcakes! (He swats the box of cupcakes out of Tripp's hands but then he picks it up again.)
- Burger: We're so mad at you right now, we're all like this! (He swats the box of cupcakes out of Tripp's hands again.)
- Tripp: Hey, what's going on?!?
- Ash: What's going on? I don't know, because we weren't invited to the BOOGER carnival! (Gives Tripp the cupcakes but swats them out of his hands again.)
(Ash and Burger walk into the living room.)
- Derek: We know you're leaving us and joining Metalwolf. (Goes into the living room.)
- Tripp: Wha-hey, hey! No, no no-I am NOT joining Metalwolf! I can't believe you guys would even think that!
- Derek, Burger and Ash: (All cover their faces with magazines)
(Elevator music is playing in Metalwolf's apartment.)
- Tripp: What is this music? It's awful!
- Brian: Oh, you wanna hear awful, you should listen to Metalwolf's last album. It's loud, and you can't understand any of the words! It's just like, "LA DA DA DA DA! BLU LA LA LA LA!"
- Todd: LA DA DA DA DA!
- Murray: BLA BLUH BLA! Won a Grammy.
- Tripp: ...You guys don't like your own music? Then why do you make it? Just for the money?
- Brian: Tripp, let me explain something to you. (Puts his hand on Tripp's shoulder.) Yes.
Iron Weasel: The Video Game
- Burger: We're gonna have our own VIDEO GAME! (the others cheer, and Burger smashes his guitar controller, making a wire come out from the neck) ...This game is surprisingly violent.
- Tripp: "Iron Weasel Baby Fight"?! Here's a note from Ms. Dempsey. "Dear neanderthals."
- Ash: Oh, that's us.
- Tripp: If you're gonna act like children, the whole world's gonna see you as children. We've already got a half a million pre-orders. Reba, sign my name.
- Derek: I can't believe it! Half a million people are gonna see us look like idiots!
- Tripp: Or...half a million people are gonna see us look like IDIOTS!
Extreme Weasel Makeover
- All four of the guys: YES! He's gonna see if he can work with us first. If he likes what he sees and we don't wimp out like that stupid Finnish band, then he'll sign us to a RECORD DEAL!
- Simon Craig: You guys do that a lot?
- Tripp: No.
- Derek: Not at all.
- Burger: Hardly ever.
- Ash: Sometimes we do this.
- Derek: Alright, so let-let me get this straight...you HUMILIATED us with those ridiculous outfits. Made us perform that horrible, HORRIBLE music. Forced us to endure the psychology anguish of questioning EVERYTHING that we have EVER believed in and now you just expect us to sign a record deal with you?!
- Simon Craig: Yeah.
- Derek: Great, do you have a pen?
- Derek: There's a fine line between bravery and stupidity.
- Ash: I'll walk that line.
- Burger: Ash, no. You're my buddy, I can't lose you.
- Ash: I must, for the good of the band. If I don't make it, give this letter to my mother (pulls out a 'Q') It was her favorite letter.
- Burger:I'll make sure that she gets this.