Icewind Dale II
- Hedron Kerdos: Well here ye are, straight from Brenem to the scenic shore of Targos herself. Now that ye be seein' this skeleton of a town ye'll be defendin', ye sure ye don't want me to take ye back?
- Player: (Option 1) No thanks, Hedron. We're here to stay. Thanks for bringing us this far
- Caulder: I'll just need to borrow the hammer for a moment... oh, and you might want to take a few steps back.
- Player:Step back? Why?
- Caulder: DAMNABLE NAILS, MAKE A FOOL OF ME, WILL YOU?! I'LL SMASH YOU INTO THE HELLS! TAKE THIS! AND THIS! NOT SO SMART NOW ARE YOU? NOW STAY IN! STAY IN!
- Player: (dialogue option one) Whoa. Someone's obviously married.
- Olap Tamewater: You see this bit of wall here? Well I can't patch it with air.
- Player: Really? I'm beginning to see why they made you the engineer.
- Isair:: Ah yes *Nym*.... It seems he'll help anyone as long as it profits him. In any case here we are.
- Player: (Dialogue option one) What do you mean?
- Isair:: Hush-hush, bold one. There's much for me to do. No time to bandy words.
- Isair::You seem to be under the impression that you're saving the ten towns- but you see those cruel minded ill-mannered louts are in no need of saving.....
- Isair:: The new order my sister and I will bestow upon the North will benefit *all*. No more will the outcasts of your so called civilisation of hypocritical mundanes be forced to huddle in the shadows, feed on scraps or be banished to lands barron and unwanted.
- Black Geoffrey:: Pah! You wouldn't *dare*. If our contract is canceled, then we'll leave this shantytown and take our swords with us. No coins, no service.
- Player:: (Dialogue option one) I believe I heard your mother say much the same thing.
- Madae: Do I slay them here Brother? Or return them to The Hand to serve as breeders?
- Isair: Neither my eager Madea...neither. They will serve us as messengers and carry OUR WORD, OUR LAW, to any others that might oppose us.
- Isair: Take heed now cease your ridiculous struggling at once or the consequences will be dire indeed! Consider that Targos is not the only one with allies in Luskan....
- Isair: And now before you even *begin* to consider the gravity of my threats allow me to leave you and your newly-found wide-eyed villager friends with a *parting gift*. I'm certain it will leave you with quite a lovely tale to share with your masters in Targos...
- Madae: Be thankful that my brother's spared you for now. Should we meet again It'll be the death of you. I promise that.
- Player: So be it!
- Isair: Ha ha! When first we met I expressed satisfaction from the looks on your faces. Now that the tables have been turned I am positively incarnadine.
- Madea: Brother you always look like that. It's why we're here, remember?
- Isair:Hmm... true. As for these adventurers I still haven't figured it out. Why have you come all this way? Gold? Some self appointed noble quest?
- Player: (option 3) We have come to stop you and your army from destroying the ten towns!
- Isair: Destroy? No we don't wish to *destroy* the ten towns. We just want to *educate* them in the manners and methods of their diplomats.
- Isair: I think Madea just wants to hurt you. Me? I just want to kill you. For her it's religious, for me it's simply.... entertainment. That sounds about right, doesn't it, sister?
- Madea: It sounds perfect to me, Brother. Farewell mercenaries.
- (In the Duergar Dungeon) A bucket of thick orcish gruel known as 'karap'. You do NOT want to eat this.
- (In the Duergar Dungeon) An iron maiden. It looks almost cozy in a "bloody spikes driven into your face, chest and bowels" kind of way.
- (In the Duergar Dungeon - a corpse stretched out on a rack) This person must have perished in terrible agony - they weren't even allowed to die with their boots on.
How To Be An Adventurer
This ludicrously huge and heavy book - more a compilation of volumes in a single binding than anything else - claims to be an extensive manual on the "fine art of adventuring". Its many chapters include:
- Henchmen: Loyal Companions or Seedy Pack-Mules?
- Making Your Kit Work for You
- 101 Uses for a 10' Pole
- Catapults: Yes, That's as Far as it Shoots
- Getting the Most Out of Your Party's Thief
- Today's Tinderbox - It's Not Just For Lighting Torches Anymore
- Dungeons to Tackle:
- Stinky Pieter's Halls o' Poorly Guarded Gold
- The Caves of Soundly Sleeping Monsters
- Archmage "Loose-Bowels" Wozley the Milksop's Enchanted Item Warehouse
- The Wooden Citadel of Darmos the Old and Crippled
- Uncle Fralin's Tool Shed
- ... and more!
- Dungeons To Avoid Like the Crotch-Rot:
- The Iron Fortress of Blodaz, Devourer of Souls
- Dominara the Erinyes' Nine-Layered Brothel of Violent Emasculation (No Slaking... or Slating... Allowed)
- The Crimson Hell-Pit of One Billion Miserable Deaths
- Uncle Fralin's Bedroom
- ... and more!
- Your Lantern and You
- Twelve Uses for Twelve Iron Spikes
- 99 Uses for That Little Hammer That Comes With Twelve Iron Spikes
- Face It, You're Actually 'Neutral Evil'
- The King's Lovely Daughter: Look But Don't Touch
- Don't Put Your Hand in That Dark Hole
... and over eighty more information-packed chapters covering all aspects of adventuring, from hoarding to spell-casting and bold heroics to arse-saving cowardice.