- 1 Regular Quotes
- 2 First Series, 1987:
- 3 Second Series, 1988:
- 4 Third Series, 1989:
- 5 Fourth Series, 1990:
- 6 Fifth Series, 1991:
- 7 Sixth Series, 1992:
- 8 Seventh Series, 1993:
- 9 Specials, 1995–2000:
- 10 External links
- Various women: I can't go on calling you 'Inspector'. What's your name?
- Morse: Morse, everyone just calls me 'Morse'
- Morse: (exasperated) LEW-IS!
- Morse: You've done it again, Lewis! [Said when Lewis unwittingly helps Morse solve a mystery through a casual passing remark.]
- Morse: An orange juice for you, Lewis. You're driving.
- Morse: (slightly irritated) Yes, thank you, Lewis(!)
- Max: I couldn't possibly say!
- Morse: Come ON, Max!
First Series, 1987:
Episode 1. 'The Dead Of Jericho'
- Morse: Lewis, Sophocles died two and a half thousand years ago.
- Lewis: Hello, my name's 'Lewis', Mr Richards, we've never met...
- Morse: What did you say?
- Lewis: I was just saying to Mr Richards...
- Morse: But you HAVE met ...!
Episode 2. 'The Silent World Of Nicholas Quinn'
- Morse: I do hope that this isn't one of our sordid cases, Lewis
(The Professor is surprised to learn that Morse never married)
- Morse: No-one would put up with me - I play my records too loud
- Morse: I've gone and arrested the WRONG man!
- Morse: No, that's not 'Morse's Law'. 'Morse's Law' is there's always time for one more pint ... except there isn't.
Episode 3. 'Service Of All The Dead'
- Morse: Oh, grow up, Morse!
- "The House of The Lord should be daily swept and garnished"
Second Series, 1988:
Episode 4. 'The Wolvercote Tongue'
- Morse: And the rich do so hate answering questions!
- Serving Wench: (making a grand gesture) A messenger attends without, My Lord!
- Theodore Kemp: Hm?
- Wench: (slightly irritatedly and in a stage whisper) You're wanted on the 'phone!
- Lewis: (commenting on Mrs Downs): Fine woman, that! Full of life!
- Morse: And YOU the married man (!)
- Lewis: Ah, I don't mean THAT. You've a one-track mind, you!
- Morse: Yes, I want to know who killed Theodore Kemp.
- Morse: People's lives, Lewis. People's lives. And loves. It was love's old sweet song all along!
- Lewis: I think I'll just pop down and see Aunt Cissy.
- Morse: (laughs)
- Lewis: Aahh, you don't want us to do my back in again do you ?
- Morse: You do what you like Lewis. I'm going to stay and look at the water for a while.
- Lewis: (gently mocking) You. Water?
- Morse: If anybody wants me, they'll find me looking at fish. Through the bottom of a beer glass!
Episode 5. 'Last Seen Wearing'
- Morse: Have you ever thought about the person who designed the sports skirt? Somebody sat down and drew a fantasy and made it compulsory uniform. I can never watch Wimbledon without thanking that man.
- Chief Supt. Strange: Are we having a depression?
- Morse: No, ...we are NOT having a depression!
- Max: Think of it like losing your finest recording of the 'Ring Cycle'
- Morse: Yes, but I've still got it on cassette!
- Mr. Craven: It's time to get your shoes dirty!
- Chief Supt. Strange: I'm the Superintendent. If one of my officers orders a constable to bring him whisky in a coffee-mug, I get to hear about it. It's my job!
- Lewis: What about Mr. Craven?
- Morse: Mr. Craven was at a lodge-meeting - fifteen minutes away from Clare Baines - with a list of witnesses as long as your arm. And as you know the Masonic arm is very long indeed!
Episode 6. 'The Settling Of The Sun'
- Morse: Beer is food
- Lewis: It is, for you!
(Not a classic episode of Morse)
Episode 7. 'Last Bus To Woodstock'
- Morse: Go home, Lewis. Kiss your children. See your wife
- Max: You can have a good relationship with a corpse
- Morse: Cat got your tongue, Lewis? Getting all too much for you, is it? A coded letter; stolen money; violence.
- Lewis: You forget one thing, Sir. Sex
- Morse: Let's get out of here. I hate the smell of hospitals
- Lewis: It's about time I bought you a pint
- Morse: It's long overdue, Lewis ... long overdue
Third Series, 1989:
Episode 8. 'Ghost In The Machine'
- Morse: Get an ambulance to Hanbury House as fast as you can! Some fool in a sports car just drove into a tree!
- Lewis: Was it from 'Cats'?
- Morse: No, it was not from 'Cats'!
- Lewis: Oh, the wife wants to see 'Cats'. Don't know why, she's allergic to them.
- Morse: It's people like them (the Hanburys) who think people like us are there to keep the servants in order.
- Morse: Keep tugging at your forelock, Lewis, and we may be back in Oxford by lunch-time
- Lewis: (after having been pulled up by Morse on a grammatical error on aprevious occasion): Shouldn't that be 'might'?
- Dr. Russell: I'm Max's locum.
- Morse: Where's Max?
- Dr. Russell: In the Radcliffe, unfortunately. A slight stroke. Nothing serious.
- Morse: But you're a...a...
- Dr. Russell: (interrupting) A pathologist, yes(!)
- Morse: Grayling...like the fish?
- Morse: Too much sang froid
- Morse: We're being led up the garden path, Lewis. A very picturesque garden and a very pretty path
- Morse: The people who live in places like this think that the rules don't apply to them
- Morse: Oh, God! What an inheritance!
Episode 9. 'The Last Enemy'
- Morse: How does one address a pathologist first thing in the morning?
- Lewis: (to Dr. Russell) Don't worry about him. He's got tooth-ache
- Miss Burn: You know Oxford. A back-biting, parochial little town
- Lewis: (to Dr Russell) What's a nice girl like you doing in a job like this?
- Dr Russell: How do you know I'm a 'nice girl' ?
- Dr Russell: (talking to Lewis about Morse) You like him, don't you?
- Lewis: He's one of the best
- Morse: I have a good memory, but a prosaic mind
- Canal worker: What is it that you're looking for, exactly?
- Morse (tacitly): A head
- The New Testament: "The last enemy that shall be destroyed is Death."
Episode 10. 'Deceived By Flight'
- Morse: I stumble about. That's what I do. Sometimes I stumble in the right direction
- Roland Marshall: Morse. My God ... it's 'Pagan Morse' !
- Morse: Would you keep an eye on my car? It's the red 'Jaguar' across the road
- Morse: People are dying out there. Even cricket has to come to a stop
- Lewis: I have to, er, y'know (use the Gents')
- Morse: (imitates Lewis) Yer knaa. I even bet you give it a number where you come from
- Lewis: Actually, we do
Episode 11. 'The Secret Of Bay 5B'
(An everyday story of murder and multi-storey carparks)
Fourth Series, 1990:
Episode 12. 'The Infernal Serpent'
- Milton's 'Paradise Lost': (Book 1) "Th' infernal Serpent; he it was, whose guile stir'd up with Envy and Revenge, deceiv'd the Mother of Mankind ..."
- Morse: You've just earned yourself a drink, Lewis.
- Lewis: Aw, it's lentil soup in the canteen today
- Morse: It's too warm for lentil soup!
- Lewis: Taxonomy? Sounds like stuffing. Stuffing umbrellas?
- Morse: Taxonomy means "a classification". The Master was making a joke.
- Mrs Copley-Barnes: There was a Serpent in our house, coiled around the foundation
Episode 13. 'The Sins Of The Fathers'
- Lewis: You'll never believe this, Sir. We have to visit a brewery!
- Butler: Your name, Sir?
- Morse: Morse
- Butler: Rank?
- Morse: And that's relevant, is it?
- Butler: It is if I'm to announce you...
- Lewis: The last shall be first and the first shall be last
- Morse: Very good, Lewis. I'm impressed. Where did you learn that?
- Lewis: At Sunday School
- Morse: And what is the relevance?
- Lewis: It means that one day I'll be Chief Inspector and you'll be Sergeant
- Mrs Radford: So, Morse, must the evil that men do live on after them?
- Morse: That's it, Lewis! You're a genius!
- Lewis: Do you fancy a pint, Sir?
- Morse: You know, Lewis ... I don't think I do
Episode 14. 'Driven To Distraction'
(Featured music by Marian Montgomery)
- George: The electrics are up the chute, for a start
- Morse: This car is pre-electric!
- Morse: That's our man, alright
- Lewis: Who?
- Morse: Boynton. We know who - all we have to work out now is how and why
- Lewis: What evidence have you got?
- Morse: Not a shred
- Lewis: You can't arrest the man just because you don't like him
- Morse: More's the pity!
- Lewis: You go trampling about, don't you. You think you're so clever, but sometimes you're a bloody fool!
Episode 15. 'Masonic Mysteries'
(Featured music from 'The Magic Flute' by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart)
- Morse: You'd better start by rolling your trouser-leg up, Lewis. DCI Bottomley is a grand master, a grander master that I
- Lewis: (to Bottomley) Like a game of chess, do you, Sir?
- Morse: With a man like deVries, you have to look INSIDE the coffin!
- Lewis: Is there anything that you want?
- Morse: Yes. Bring me the libretto of 'The Magic Flute'
- Lewis: Libretto?
- Morse: 'Little book'. It's in the album box-set
- Lewis: How about clothes?
- Morse: You think that I'm going to be here for that long?
(Morse is kneeling on the floor with de Vries holding a pistol to his head)
- Hugo deVries: You're sweating, Morse. It's most disagreeable.
(The door-bell rings)
- Hugo deVries: (emotionless and interrupted in full flow) Who is that?
- Morse: My sergeant.
- Hugo deVries: What is it with you English policemen? Going around in pairs like some low comedy act.
- Lewis: (admiring DeVries' Jaguar) Nice car!
- Morse: (dismissively) Rubbish, these new models. No class
- Hugo deVries: I like being dead. It takes the strain out of living
- Hugo deVries: I am Zoroastaros; YOU are Monostartos!
- Morse: Toscanini? Arturo Toscanini? That's the WORST recording of 'The Magic Flute' there's ever been! I wouldn't even let it in the house!
(After Bottomley's invitation to join the 'Masons)
- Morse: No, I don't join groups. I'm even thinking of leaving the choir.
Fifth Series, 1991:
Episode 16. 'Second Time Around'
- Lewis: (Noticing Inspector Hillian's drinking) The way he knocks it back, it's a wonder he lived to collect an OBE.
- Morse: People in glasshouses ...
- Lewis: (Looking in his own glass) This is only a little light wine Sir.
- Morse: I know what it is.
- Lewis: And it's only me second glass!
- Morse: Sanctimony, Lewis (shaking his head).
- Morse: Well, I think I'll go for a walk. What about you?
- Lewis: I could start work on the reports, Sir, if you want.
- Morse: Good man.
- Lewis: I mean, only if you want.
- Morse: Well why not. Procrastination is the thief of time, since we're swapping proverbs.
- Mrs Dawson: Patrick thinks you're a very good detective. A poor policeman, and a very good detective.
- Morse: Really. Well I suppose half a compliment is better than none.
- Morse: Different policemen have different methods, Mrs Lapsley
- Morse: Get on with it, Lewis!
- Lewis: Detective Chief Inspector Dawson, I'm arresting you for the murder of John Mitchell. You do not have to saything, but anything you do say may be given in evidence.
- Lewis: I think you could have let her win the chess, Sir.
- Morse: That's the worst kind of deception, Lewis
- Lewis: That badge of yours. Why did you keep it?
- Morse: Vanity I suppose. It was my first public speech.
- Lewis: Did you win?
- Morse: No. We lost.
Episode 17. 'Fat Chance'
- Lewis: [Enquiring after the chain-smoking female priest] Who, cigar and cassock?
- Lewis: She's a bit, you know ... holier than thou ...
- Morse: She IS a bit holier than thou, Lewis!
- Sister: And what, may I ask, are you doing with my patient?!
- Morse: Thames Valley Police. My name's Chief Inspector Morse. (shows warrant card)
- Sister: Am I supposed to be impressed?
- Morse: I'm making a few enquiries...
- Sister: Then you can make them to thin air - outside the gate!
- Morse: I could compel you to comply.
- Sister: I'd like to see you try. I am commanded by a higher authority than the Thames Valley Police!
- Lewis: She lied to you, Sir.
Episode 18. 'Who Killed Harry Field?'
- Harry Field's answering machine: Hello, this is Harry. Health, Wealth and Happiness! Leave a message - for God's sake!
- Morse: Hello, Harry - I got your note.
- Morse: Tired, Sir?
- Lewis: Yes, Lewis
- Morse: Why's that, then?
- Lewis: Lack of sleep.
- Morse: Here we are again, Lewis. Piecing together the last moments of a total stranger.
- Lewis: A Vincent Black Shadow motorcycle, registration number Oh Ay Eff ...
- Radio: (Static)
- Lewis: Well, black...obviously!
- Ian Kerr: Right, what have you got for me?
(Morse cues up a slide of a painting)
- Ian Kerr: What's this?
- Morse: A Whistler
- Ian Kerr: It's awful...where did you get it?
- Morse: At a wake!
Episode 19. 'Greeks Bearing Gifts'
- Morse: Watch the mouth: it gives away what the face is trying to hide
- Strange: Is that one of your quotes?
- Morse: Quotations. Lord Byron.
(speaking about a Greek replica ship)
- Tuckerman: Wouldn't you think they'd simply jump at the chance to show it abroad. Think of the media blitz there'd be!
- Morse: Perhaps they're afraid they'll never get it back.
- Tuckerman: The Frogs got the Mona Lisa back after it'd been to New York.
- Morse: The Italians didn't.
- Tuckerman: This is the time of the high-fliers, Inspector. Only the brain-dead stay on the ground.
- Morse: Ever heard of Icarus?
- Tuckerman: No, why? Did he work for me?
- Morse: I meant on your wunderings through antiquity. A mythical figure. The first bird-man. Flew too near the sun. Melted the wax on his wings, fell from the sky, and was drowned. In the Aegean.
- Morse: Almost operatic. Greek Tragedy. You should try the Myths sometime, Lewis. Sex is never simple there: there's pleasure, then there's payment. Retribution.
Episode 20. 'Promised Land'
- Morse: They don't spell Australian beer with four X's out of ignorance!
- Ann Harding: You're a bastard, Morse.
- Lewis: ...and my name's Robert. My friends call me 'Robbie'.
- Lewis: How old are you, sir?
- Morse: I forget, Robbie.
Sixth Series, 1992:
Episode 21. 'Dead On Time'
- Strange: You said it was suicide, Morse. Then some GP comes down from Ben Nevis, waving some pages of A4 - and everything changes!
- Morse: It was Mrs. Fallon I knew - before she became Mrs Fallon. We were engaged to be married.
- Susan Fallon: Did you hate me ...?
- Morse: Hate you? My God, Susan...
- McGregor: It's a Sergeant Lewis, Master William! Fa' th' polis!
Episode 22. 'Happy Families'
- Charlie's Photographer: What's that music?
- Charlie: That's Mozart, Charlie.
- Morse: I was precise and I was courteous.
- Superintendant: You were bloody superior!
- James Balcombe: You haven't been saying silly things, have you Mummy, to the police?
- Morse: It's something that I read in a book!
Morse: I've never been taken off a case in my life!
Morse: Take my picture NOW! Take it NOW!
Episode 23. 'The Death Of The Self'
- Russell Clark: You're not in the chorus yet, but you're part of the show.
- Lewis: What is again, Sir?
- Morse: (enunciates clearly) 'Una grappa di secco' for me - and 'una bierra' for you
- Morse: When I'm ready, Mr Clark. I'll speak to you when I'm ready.
- Morse: Faking it until the end, Clark?
Episode 24. 'Absolute Conviction'
- Morse: We go directly to Jail!
- Mrs Cryer: Apparently, the British public like their widows in black.
- Morse: (to Cheetham) To you, it's 'Sir', sonny!
- Sgt Cheetham: Chasing a madman around a greenhouse - what a waste of time!
- Bennett: A queer one, is our Morse!
- Morse: I'm sorry - it isn't beer, it's coffee. But then again, it isn't coffee!
Episode 25. 'Cherubim & Seraphim'
'Cherubim slogan: 'PROTECT ME FROM WHAT I WANT'
'Cherubim' answerphone message: If it's good news, leave me a message - if it's bad news, don't bother!
- Supt. Strange: Kids are like Special Branch. You don't know what the blighters are up to!
- Supt. Strange: Teenagers are like creatures from another planet.
- Morse: I'll ask Lewis - he has children
- Morse: If you're going to retire, Holroyd, just go ahead and do it!
- Morse: No-one can imagine another's pain, Robbie
- Morse: What's that..? Play that bit again, Lewis. That's the Hallelujah Chorus! ... conducted by Sir Adrian Boult!
- Morse: It's 'magpie music' - a bit here, a bit there...
Seventh Series, 1993:
Episode 26. 'Deadly Slumber'
- Michael Steppings: I didn't kill that man, Mr Morse
- Chief Supt. Strange: Get youself down there, matey. And give him hell!
- Dr Feltham: Why is it, Chief Inspector, that doctors make the worst patients?
- Michael Steppings: You could go anywhere you wanted to.
- Morse: Yes. But what would I do when I got there?
- Chief Supt. Strange: There's one thing I don't understand! Why haven't I met this Steppings? Anyone 'nouveau riche' is only too quick to knock on the door of society these days.
- Lewis: You mean, you've never come across him at the Lodge, Sir?
- Chief Supt. Strange: Not exactly, Serg... (to Morse) And what exactly is SO funny?
- Morse: Nothing. I was just reflecting on Sergeant Lewis' view of polite Oxfordshire society!
- Morse: If Michael Steppings was monstrous, he was MADE monstrous!
- Mr Neally (solicitor): My client just sat there and confessed?
- Morse: Yes.
- Lewis: Shame to waste them, Sir. Red roses - one of the most expensive flowers around
- Morse: I sent her some once before. They had a much higher price-tag!
Episode 27. 'The Day Of The Devil'
Episode 28. 'Twilight Of The Gods'
(contains the famous/infamous "knob-head English policeman" quote)
Pagodas in the park, yet!
- Gwladys Probert: I'm sorry, luvvy. You sound like you're giving the weather forecast.
- Lewis: Sergeants aren't allowed to think. Not in the Thames Valley Police
Episode 29. The Way Through The Woods
Episode 30. The Daughters Of Cain
Episode 31. Death Is Now My Neighbour
- Adele Cecil: This anagram, "around eve" — I've tried and I've tried, but all I can come up with is "Endeavour". And no-one's called Endeavour, surely?
- Morse: I told you — my mother was a Quaker, and Quakers sometimes call their children names like 'Hope', and 'Patience'. My father was obsessed with Captain Cook, and his ship was called Endeavour. Why aren't you both laughing?
- Lewis: You poor sod!
- Adele Cecil: I'm not calling you "Endeavour".
- Lewis: Call him "Sir". He likes that.
- Adele Cecil: Oh, no, no,— I'll stick to "Morse", like everyone else.
- Morse: [Raises his glass of beer.] Cheers!
Episode 32. The Wench Is Dead
Episode 33. The Remorseful Day
- Woman: What's your first name?
- Morse: Inspector.
- Chief Supt. Strange: He always was an independent sod!
- Lewis: Goodbye, Sir