It Ain't Half Hot Mum

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It Ain't Half Hot Mum was a British sitcom about the adventures of a Royal Artillery Concert Party, broadcast on the BBC between 1974 and 1981, and written by Jimmy Perry and David Croft. It was set in British India and Burma, during the last months of the Second World War, starting just after V-E Day in 1945.

Theme Tune[edit]

Opening[edit]

Meet the gang, 'cos the boys are here
The boys to entertain you
With music and laughter to help you on your way
to raising the rafters with a hey, hey, hey!
With songs, and sketches, and jokes old and new
With us about, you won't feel blue
So meet the gang, 'cos the boys are here
The boys to entertain you
B-O-B-O-Y-S
Boys to entertain you!

Closing[edit]

Meet the gang, 'cos the boys are here
The boys to entertain you
With music and laughter to help you on your way
to raising the rafters with a hey, hey, hey!
With songs, and sketches, and jokes old and new
With us about, you won't feel blue
So meet the gang, 'cos the boys are here
The boys to entertain you
We are here to make you feel gay
So give us a cheer with a hey, hey, hey!
So gather around and put down your gun
With us around, there's plenty of fun
So meet the gang, 'cos the boys are here
The boys to entertain you
B-O-B-O-Y-S
Boys to entertain you!

Series 1 (1974)[edit]

Meet The Gang [1.1][edit]

[First lines of the series]

Solly: All right, fellas, all right, let's try it again. And this time, get it right! Remember, this is supposed to be a sophisticated number! You're all smart, New York men about town!
Mackintosh: How can I be sophisticated in this heat? I'm sweating like a pig!
Gloria: Just do what I do! Imagine you're sweating champagne and diamonds!
Solly: All right, Gloria!

Mackintosh: We won't actually have to put the studs in, will we?
Solly: No, of course not.
Gloria: Oh, really, you great big sweaty butch idiot!
Mackintosh: Look, pal, I've warned you once before...

[Mackintosh lifts Gloria up underneath the arms, Solly splits them up]

Solly: Knock it off!
Gloria: He nearly did!

Gloria: It's typical, you always come in on my line!

Sergeant Major: You enjoying your tea, Gunner?
Graham: Yes, thank you...
Sergeant Major: WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?!

Sergeant Major: what's your name, Gunner?
Parky: Parkins, sir.
Sergeant Major: Where have you been? The rest of the draft arrived yesterday. You are twenty four hours late.
Parky:Well, you see...
Sergeant Major: SHUT UP!

Series 21 (1975)[edit]

The Natives Are Revolting [2.3][edit]

Sergeant Major: What's going on here, then?
Solly: I thought we'd have a parade, Sergeant Major.
Sergeant Major: Shut up. Why?
Graham: Well, we... we rather wanted to parade, Sergeant Major.
Sergeant Major: All right, Mr la-di-da Gunner Graham, if you wants a parade, you gets a parade! [sniggers] Right, lovely boys, Squad 'SHUN! Four paces forward, MARCH! Left, right, left, HALT! ABOUT TURN! Right, now the sun is out of my eyes, I can see you proper. And a bunch of poofs you is.

[The Sergeant Major has just spotted the stones outside the battery office rearranged to say 'British Pigs Go Home']

Sergeant Major: Bombardier?
Solly: Sir?
Sergeant Major: Who did this?
Solly: No idea, sir, nothing to do with us...
Sergeant Major: Shut up. Bearer?
Rangi: Sergeant Major sahib?
Sergeant Major: Who did this?
Rangi: N-n-n-nothing to do...
Sergeant Major: Shut up. Shut up. Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!

Col. Reynolds: Feeling better now, Sergeant Major?
Sergeant Major: Yes, thank you, sir. I'm sorry about that. It was just the sight of... 'British Pigs Go Home'!
Col. Reynolds: Yes, yes, most aggrivating.

Sergeant Major: What is that?
Solly: Looks like the Indian National Flag, Sergeant Major.
Sergeant Major: The Indian National shut up. They've done it again. They've done it again. GET IT DOWN! GET IT DOWN!