Jackie Chan Adventures

Jackie Chan Adventures is a fictional animated children's television cartoon series that premiered on Kids' WB. The series focuses on the fictional adventures of Jackie Chan, an archaeologist, martial arts expert, and reluctant secret agent who pursues evil forces in their attempts to acquire magical artifacts and take over the world.

The series ran from September 9, 2000 to July 8, 2005 for a total of 95 episodes over five seasons.

Season 1 (The Twelve Talismans)

The Dark Hand [1.1]

Jackie Chan: Bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day, bad day!

---

Jackie: What is it, Uncle?

Uncle Chan: Come, give Uncle a hug.

[Jackie approaches Uncle with open arms, only to be cuffed by him.]

Jackie: Oww!

Uncle: You did not make coffee this morning. Coffee is the only thing that is keeping Uncle’s ancient heart beating. You want dead Uncle?! No? Then you make coffee!

---

Uncle: One more thing!

---

Uncle: One more thing. You receive phone call from the university. They want to you translate parchments.

Jackie: Okay.

Uncle: One more thing. I cannot read these inscriptions. Very old writing. I must go in back to get my journals.

Jackie: Okay.

Uncle: One more thing. This is Jade, your niece. She will live with you for a year, okay?

Jackie: Okay. [shocked] I have a niece?!

---

[After learning that Jade will live with him and Uncle for a year.]

Jackie: Nobody asked me!

Uncle: Did not want to bother you. Now, you both get acquainted while I go do work.

Jackie: But I don’t know anything about children!

---

Jackie: Hello, I am Jackie.

[Jade remains silent, staring at him.]

Hmm, no English.

[Jackie tries speaking in Chinese.]

Ni hao ma? (translates to "How are you?")

---

[The Dark Hand Enforcers enter Uncle's shop.]

Jackie: Welcome to Uncle's Rare Finds! How can I help you?

Finn: You are Jackie Chan, the archaeologist?

Jackie: Heh, I dabble in the study of past civilizations.

Finn: Well, we are aware that you recently "dabbled" a shield from a Bavarian castle. Our extremely wealthy employer is interested in purchasing that shield.

[Jackie eyes the thugs suspiciously.]

Jackie: I’m sorry, I already donated that piece to the university.

Finn: Really?

[The Dark Hand thugs try to break some antique vases as a threat, but Jackie stops them.]

It would be in your family’s best interests to undonate the shield, Mr. Chan. By this time tomorrow.

---

[After the Dark Hand Enforcers leave the shop.]

Uncle: Did they buy anything?

Jackie: No.

Uncle: You terrible salesman!

---

Uncle: Where am I going to hide a big shield? It... where did I put it?

---

[Jackie falls onto the hood of the Dark Hand's limousine.]

Jackie: Heh, that will buff right out!

---

[Jackie wakes up after being knocked unconscious following his fight with the Dark Hand Enforcers.]

Jackie: Augustus Black! What are you doing here? Ow, what am I doing here?

Captain Augustus Black: I’m afraid it’s official business my friend.

Jackie: I didn’t think these were your pack-up singers. Where have you been? I don’t hear from you for six years... Boom! You’re in San Francisco saving my butt. Oh, those thugs must've knocked me out.

Captain Black: Actually, I knocked you out.

---

[Jackie and Captain Black exit the van in a back alley near a telephone booth and some dumpsters.]

Jackie: Why did you do that?!

Captain Black: Jackie...

Jackie: I thought we were friends!

Captain Black: We are Jackie. I'm sorry but this location must remain secret.

Jackie: Oh, yes! I can see this is some very special garbage!

Captain Black: Jackie...

Jackie: Maybe I'll see you in another six years! Excuse me while I call a cab!

Captain Black: Uh, Jackie...

[Jackie enters the telephone booth, only to be unsuspectingly transported to an secret underground installation.]

---

Captain Black: Tried to warn you.

Jackie: How did you get down here?

Captain Black: The stairs.

---

Captain Black: Jackie, welcome to Section 13.

Jackie: I thought you were with Interpol.

Captain Black: Even when you knew me then, I was shepherding this agency in secret.

Jackie: You’re a spy? They’re spies?

Captain Black: Law enforcement, Jackie. Elite special forces.

---

Captain Black: Section 13 was founded to investigate large-scale international crimes. Crimes which it seems can often be traced to a syndicate called the Dark Hand. The Dark Hand has connections to nearly every criminal activity in existence. Their leader is this man: Valmont.

---

Valmont: You are telling me one man stopped you?

Finn: Uh, yes, but--

Valmont: Three of my enforcers armed with high-tech weapons were defeated by an... archaeologist?

Finn: Did we mention he had windshield wipers?

---

[Valmont instructs Tohru to retrieve the shield after Finn, Ratso, and Chow fail.]

Shendu: While your Tohru impresses Valmont, perhaps he should be aided by... the Shadowkhan.

Valmont: As you wish, Shendu.

---

Captain Black: We’ve recently learned that the Dark Hand has an interest in collecting certain historical artifacts.

Jackie: Why?

Captain Black: Unknown. But with this new development, Section 13 could use an archaeology expert such as yourself.

---

[Jade comes riding toward Jackie and Captain Black on a scooter.]

Jade Chan: Jackie!

Captain Black: Who is that?!

Jackie: No relation.

---

Jade: Jackie, grab on! We’re busting you out of here!

Jackie: You speak English?!

---

Captain Black: Jackie, how many fingers do you see?

Jackie: Look, fishes!

---

Captain Black: Young lady, how did you get in here?

Jade: The stairs.

---

Jackie: Jade, these people are my friends.

Jade: Your "friends" knocked you out and took you to a super secret underground base?

Jackie: Uh, yes.

Jade: America is so cool!

---

Captain Black: Care to explain how our security was penetrated by a child?

Jade: I’m not a child! I’m Jackie’s niece.

Captain Black: Didn’t know you had a niece, Jackie.

Jackie: Join the club.

---

Jackie: Jade...

Jade: Come on! Just admit! Wasn't I brave?

Jackie: Yes. But you also need wisdom. To know when challenges are too big. Courage without wisdom is foolishness. Understand?

Jade: [confused] Uh, my English must not be too good.

---

Jade: Hi!

Jackie: Wha-- how did you--?

Jade: The stairs.

Jackie: Well, take these stairs to your room!

Jade: Aww, let me help! Uncle is my uncle too! I think.

---

Jade: Uncle’s up there, huh?

Jackie: You speak English?

Jade: You know I do!

Jackie: So what part of “Go to your room” do you not understand?

Jade: Aww...

Jackie: Stay here, or I’ll put you on the first flight back to Hong Kong.

Jade: Scout’s honor!

[Jackie leaves to confront Tohru.]

Pssh, like I’m a scout?

---

Captain Black: Jackie, I never meant for your family to get involved in this.

Jackie: It’s not your fault. The Dark Hand was after the shield.

[Uncle cuffs him.]

Uncle: I told you! Shield not important! The talisman in the center of the shield is. That is where the magic lies.

The Power Within [1.2]

[Shendu expresses his anger to Valmont with the Dark Hand's failure to acquire the rooster talisman.]

Ratso: Why is the boss taking gut from a statue?

Finn: ‘Cause it talks.

---

[After Jade tries to practice martial arts in the restaurant.]

Jackie: The wise seek power within themselves. The foolish seek it within others. Until you harness the power within yourself, I cannot teach you.

Jade: Huh?

Jackie: It means you must have the discipline to behave yourself.

---

Never mock the cookie.

[Jade opens a fortune cookie and reads it.]

Jade: "Danger looms in your future."

Uncle: We must be very cautious.

Jackie: [skeptical] You listen to a cookie?

[The Dark Hand's Enforcers enter the restaurant and approach the table.]

Finn: Evening, Chan.

Uncle: Never mock the cookie.

---

[After the Enforcers unsuccessfully try to steal the rooster talisman.]

Finn: Mr. Valmont, sir. It didn't go quite as planned.

Valmont: Regale me.

Finn: [lying] Well, we stomped Chan--

Ratso: --Stomped him good!

Finn: But we didn't see any talisman.

Valmont: You will be punished.

---

[Jackie catches Jade following him.]

Jackie: You followed me! What do you hear when I talk? Tell me, does it sound like, "Blah blah. Blah blah, blah blah blah blah?"

---

[While being pursued by Shadowkhan.]

Jackie: Ancient proverb: Do not fight when you can run!

---

[Jackie and Jade defeat the Shadowkhan who were chasing them.]

Jackie: I don't understand why they were after--

Jade: Jackie, the coolest thing ever happened; I went and ran off the bridge but I didn't fall; I stopped in mid-air and then I ran back just like in cartoons! I can fly!

---

[Jackie and Jade are captured by the Dark Hand.]

Jade: Hello?! Let me outta here! I mean it! Just wait 'til the "Jackinator" comes to. You guys are gonna get so creamed!

Jackie: Jade?

Jade: "Jackinator"?

---

The Mask of El Toro Fuerte [1.3]

[After observing Jackie enter the Aztec pyramid.]

Finn: He's in the pyramid. Let's move.

Novice Bad Guy: Uh, don't pyramids have mummies inside them, sir?

Finn: Only in Egypt.

Novice Bad Guy: Why don't we just let Chan find the talisman? Just take it from him when he climbs out.

Finn: Listen new guy. We don't know what power this ox talisman has. Chan might come busting out of there 50 feet tall with laser eyes.

Novice Bad Guy: [scared] I don't wanna fight giant laser eyes! Everyone after him! Now, now, now!

---

[After Jade tries to sign up Jackie for a wrestling match with El Toro Fuerte.]

Jackie: Jade, one should not fight for the sake of fighting, but only when one has no other choice.

Jade: Makes sense. When you get in the ring and this El Toro guy starts wailing on you, you'll have no other choice.

Jackie: Uh... you have an interesting mind, young Jade.

---

[The Dark Hand enforcers notice Jackie at the wrestling match.]

Finn: Hmm, didn't take Chan as a sports fan.

Ratso: What sport? Wrestling's fake, everybody knows that.

---

El Toro Fuerte: El Toro Fuerte never removes his mask!

---

Enter the Viper [1.4]

[Jackie accidentally bumps into a cloaked figure at the museum.]

Jackie: Oh, I'm so sorry! I broke your spy camera. [pauses] Spy camera?

Ratso: Chan!

Jackie: You! Uh... Dark Hand guy!

---

Jade: So, whatcha gonna do? Sneak into the museum before the bad guys do and steal the talisman yourself?

Jackie: Steal?! What?! That's crazy, Jade! Your crazy!

Jade: You totally are gonna steal it!

---

Jade: [whispers] You got in! You are so cool!

Jackie: [whispers] I am not cool! I'm breaking the law!

Jade: Uh-huh.

---

Jade: Wow! She rules!

Jackie: Wha-- ?

Jade: Uh, I mean, go Jackie.

---

Jade: Wow! When I grow up, I wanna be just like her!

Jackie: A criminal?!

Jade: A female Jackie Chan!

---

Jackie: You are under arrest!

Viper: You do realize we both go to jail, right?

Jackie: I am not a crook! I am an archaeologist!

[Jackie accidentally knocks over a vase and breaks it, sounding the alarm.]

Jade and Viper: Way to go.

---

[Jackie calls Uncle from prison.]

Uncle: Jackie, why did you steal the Pink Puma? There is no puma in the Chinese zodiac. It has NO magic!

Jackie: I know Uncle, it's... complicated.

Uncle: One more thing. You are a criminal! You are a very bad influence on Jade!

Jackie: I know, but-- that's why I need you to take the next flight here and--

Uncle: One more thing... oh, wait I am getting another call.

Jackie: No, no, no! Uncle, you don't know how to do that! I am only allowed one phone call--!

[Uncle clicks the line]

Uncle: Hello, Uncle's Rare Finds. May I help you? [line clicks] Hmm?

---

Ratso: [visiting Jackie in prison] Hey, bro.

Jackie: What do you want?

Ratso: What rock...is the legless reptile under?

Jackie: What?

Ratso: Tell me where the serpent, sleeps.

Jackie: What are you talking about?

Ratso: WHERE'S THE SNAKE TALISMAN?!

Jackie: Don't you read the newspaper? I took the Pink Puma.

[Ratso checks the Talisman tracker which is not lighting up]

Jackie: See? No Talisman. Like the gizmo says. Now if you'll excuse me, my delicious prison food is getting cold.

---

[After Viper pulls a "viper" on Jade for the snake talisman.]

Jackie: Old proverb: There is no honor among thieves.

---

Jackie: I'm sorry! I'll bring it back! Thank you!

---

Police: Freeze!

Jackie: It's okay! I have it! It's yours!

[Jackie hands over the Pink Puma to the police.]

Police Officer: Real good. Now, tell us what you did with the Statue of Liberty.

[Jackie and Jade look b ack to the Statue which has disappeared due to the Snake Talisman's power, Jackie and Jade shrug]

Project A, for Astral [1.5]

[as soon as Jackie uncovers the Sheep Talisman]

Jackie: Jackie had a little lamb. [turns around as Shadowkahn appear, he stuff the talisman in his pocket] It's not here! Can you believe it?

---

[after Jackie cheats death by escaping a Train which just fell off the tracks and into a gorge]

Ratso: No way he's human.

---

Shendu: Chan posses yet another Talisman, while I have none?! You are weak, Valmont! And your men are fools!

Finn: That's it! I ain't taking no more lip from a statue! [proceeds to pull out a handgun]

Shendu: I am no statue! You stand in the presence of a Demon Sorcerer! I once held dominion over a vast empire, but my subjects betrayed me. They cast a Chi spell which imprisoned me in this pitiful icon, where I have remained for 900 years! The twelve magic Talismans, from which I drew my power, were scattered to the winds.

Ratso: Whoa.

Finn: You got jacked.

Shendu: Acquisition of all the Talismans, will allow me to be free of my confinement, and walk the Earth once again.

Valmont: At which point we will be rewarded the lost treasure of Ching-sui Hai. Well worth taking a little lip, don't you think?

---

Uncle: One more thing! Stay awake! You break many antiques when you sleepwalk!

Jackie: [yawning] I don't sleepwalk.

Uncle: So you break my antiques for fun?!

---

Melvin Moose: Duh, smile for the camera!

Shendu: [in possession of Jade's body] Soon I shall devour your soul!

Melvin Moose: *gasp*

Shell Game [1.6]

Jade: ...so there I was, flying the plane, all by myself, no co-pilot. And Jackie's hanging out the back, flopping around with no parachute or anything!

Drew: Yeah, right. I bet the Snake Lady was there too.

Jade: Viper? No, that was in New York.

---

Valmont: You know, Shendu, these Talisman expeditions, let's just say are raking up some hefty out of pocket expenses. And as of yet, there's nothing coming back into my pocket!

Shendu: When and only when your men acquire all twelve Talismans, the lost Treasure of Ching-sui Hai shall cover your...expenses...ten thousand times over.

Valmont: The reputed lost treasure.

Shendu: Ahhh, so we have a skeptic.

[a Shadowkahn appears holding a golden goblet, covered with a lid, which he lifts revealing gold and jewels, and amazing Valmont]

Shendu: Patience, Valmont. Slow and steady wins the race.

---

[Jackie tricks Jade into getting in a Taxi with Uncle]

Uncle: So how was school?

Jade: [in a bad mood] Peachy.

Uncle: Ah, peachy! One more thing. Did Jackie Find the Rabbit Talisman?

Jade: [voice becomes raspy] I am not Jade. I am Paigon the Powerful, ruler of the Rabbit Realm.

[Uncle gasps in terror]

Jade: I must fulfill my destiny or the universe itself will be UN-MADE! RELEASE ME AT ONCE!

[taxi stops and Jade gets out]

Jade: [coughing] Man, that's rough on the throat.

---

Carl Nivore: Gentlemen.

Finn: Are you...Carl....Kniver?

Nivore: Nivore. Dr. Carl Nivore, in the flesh.

[out of sight]

Jade: Who's this Nivore guy?

Jackie: SHH!

Nivore: And this fellow must be the merchandise of which my friend Valmont spoke. Mmmm, yes. You're a fine specimen, aren't you? Aren't youuu?

Tohru: [annoyed] THE MONEY.

Nivore: [sigh] Borris. [a chef appears holding a briefcase of money] Pay the man. [Tohru accepts the briefcase] Care to join me for dinner?

Tohru: Thank you. No.

Nivore: [licking his fingers] But we're having, quite the delicacy. A dish so rare, you might say it's endangered. Turtle soup.

[out of sight]

Jade: Eww! He's gonna eat Aesop?! *gasp* He's gonna eat Aesop...

Nivore: Are you sure? Hmm?

Tohru: Y-yeesss...we uh...uh...ummm *clears throat* I must deliver this to Valmont. [holding the Rabbit Talisman]

---

Nivore: Well, the sooner you find a forklift, the sooner I may lift a fork...to my lips.

---

Ratso: Uncle!

Jackie: [looking around] Where?

---

Jackie: Careful! That one, uh...turns you into a chocolate bunny!

---

Nivore: Borris, that brazed manatee you prepared last week was absolutely exquisite, and the grilled American condor on a bit of fave bean [puckering sounds] to die for. Don't forget the carrots.

---

Jade: Release Aesop, you tortoise-eating creep!

Nivore: [chuckling] Such a delightful child. She'll go well with a nice Bearnaise sauce, wouldn't you say, Borris?

Jade: WHAT?!

Nivore: Only joking, princess. Children are much too common for my sophisticated palette.

---

Jade: Whoa. How'd you get from there to here so fast?

Jackie: [shows Jade the Rabbit Talisman] And now we'll save the tortoise. See? Slow and steady, wins the race.

Jade: But you have super, rabbit speed! I'm getting mixed messages here!

Jackie: Oh-er-uh. Don't be smart!

---

Shendu: Valmont, your men are supposed to acquire Talismans! Not sell pets!

Valmont: Perhaps if you'd given fair consideration to the advance I requested, none of this would have-

[Shendu in a fury shoots fire at both Valmont and Tohru]

Tohru: WHOA! I did not know he could do that!

---

Drew: Come on! A turbo-turtle?

Jade: Faster than a speeding rabbit.

Drew: No way!

Jade: Way!

Drew: Yeah, right. I bet that super strong Ox guy was there too!

Jade: El Toro? Nah, that was in Mexico, when I was flying the plane!

Bullies [1.7]

Shendu: Valmont? Where is the Dragon talisman?

Valmont: My men are on it.

Shendu: Your men could not find their own shadows, and your incompetence continues to stupefy me.

Valmont: Oh? I'll stupefy you-- [the Shadowkhan appear around him]

Shendu: Temper, Valmont...

---

Valmont: The arrogance of that over-sized lawn ornament.

Finn: Valmont! Check it out!

Valmont: You actually did your job? Imagine!

Finn: You're not stoked?

Valmont: [angrily] I'm absolutely giddy! [hurls the Dragon talisman into the wall, which activates the power, blasting a hole in the ceiling]

---

Valmont: [infusing the Dragon Talisman to his hand] Puff, the Magic Dragon...

---

Finn: Valmont, you are da bomb! Pun totally intended.

Ratso: Hey, ain't ole dragon breath gonna stop wondering where his rock is?

Valmont: Pity. It's doing wonders for our cash flow.

Finn: One more heist, Big V?

Valmont: One for the history books.

---

[after catching Jackie]

Valmont: Jackie Chan! Finally, we meet. It was nice knowing you. Captain Black was lucky, but my aim has improved with practice...

---

Valmont: You really go for the gold, Mr. Chan. Fool's gold.

Jackie: You know, Valmont? I was wondering, what is one of these worth? An all expenses paid trip to Melvin World? [tosses a gold brick into the water]

Valmont: You'll pay for that!

[Jackie begins throwing dozens of gold bricks into the water]

Jackie: What about these? A new Ferrari?

Valmont: Chan!

Jackie: A summer home? Your own private island to build it on? A robot butler for that home?

Valmont: Aaarrrgh! [blasts his ship in half] Blast.

---

Valmont: Shendu, I beg your forgiveness.

Shendu: You may earn it. Rumor tells of a talisman hidden at the North Pole. Dress warmly...

Tough Break [1.8]

Auctioneer: The next item up for auction, is a Porcelain lamp featuring, well, an unusual rat motif. What are my bid for this piece?

Jackie: One hundred dollars!

Auctioneer: Do I hear one-fifty?

Tohru: [entering the room] Two hundred!

Auctioneer: Smashing! Do I hear-

Jackie: Two-fifty!

Tohru: Three hundred!

Jackie: Three-fifty!

Tohru: Four!

Jackie: Five hundred!

[Auctioneer looks on in bewilderment]

Tohru: Six!

Jackie: Seven!

Tohru: Eight!

Jackie: Nine!

Tohru: One thousand!

Jackie: [hesitant] Two....thousand!

[Auctioneer's monocle falls out in astonishment] [Ratso and Finn are giving money to Tohru]

Finn: This is all we got Tohru.

Ratso: Think they take nunchuks?

---

Jade: Another train wreck, Jackie?

Jackie: [looking at Jade's messy room] I was going to ask the same thing. Do baboons live here?

---

Uncle: Run down the side of an exploding building, no problem. But step on a child's toy, break your leg. Sounds like Chinese proverb.

The Rock [1.9]

Finn::: Big V, d-d'you think you c-could turn up the h-heat?

Shendu: Allow me.

[Shendu breathes fire at them]

Finn:: That's plenty!

Ratso: Much o-obliged.

Valmont: Careful, Shendu. If you charbroil the help, they'll never find the next talisman.

Shendu: The next talisman is insufficient, Valmont. I need all twelve to shed this petrified form, and regain my true powers.

Valmont: We are working on it, Shendu.

Shendu: With your customary ineptitude, once again, this Chan has snatched a talisman from your so-called professionals...

Ratso: Too bad Chan ain't working for us!

Valmont: Perhaps he can be persuaded...

---

Jackie: It's not polite to hack into security systems that don't belong to you!

Jade: I saw a '7'!

---

Uncle: I have translated the inscription on the back of the talisman! A very perplexing riddle...

Jackie: 'If activated, the noble Horse expels all alien forces within'.

Jade: I bet those 'alien forces' fly out and latch out onto human brains and turn people into mind-control zombies to conquer the world!

[Jackie and Uncle stare at her]

Jade: Uh, alien forces signal the Mother Ship to launch an invasion?

[Jackie and Uncle stare at her]

Jade: This... isn't the Martian talisman?

Uncle: There is no such thing as Martians! The talismans are magic!

---

Jade Jackie, you have to give the talismans to Valmont!

Jackie I can't! According to the legend, the power of each talisman is nothing compared to the power of all twelve combined.

Jade But if you're all turned to stone, who's going to stop the Dark Hand from getting the talismans anyway?

Jackie That's Captain Black's department. I'm just research, remember?

Jade Jackie, please! I don't want a boulder for an Uncle!

[Jackie calls Captain Black]

Jackie Captain Black? I need a ride back to Section 13 for Jade. It's past her bedtime.

Jade (quietly): Okay, if that's the way you want it...

---

[after catching the talisman]

Jackie: The Dark Hand... will... never... have all... twelve! [turns to stone]

[pause]

Ratso: A dollar says his hand will snap right off!

Finn, Chow: Deal!

---

Tohru: My cold is gone! Like magic!

Uncle: 'The noble horse expels all alien forces within'...

Jade: The riddle! It doesn't mean aliens within the talisman, it means aliens within the sick person holding the talisman!

Uncle: The Horse is the healing talisman!

Jade: Think it only works on colds?

The Jade Monkey [1.10]

Jade's Teacher: Jade! Jade! Jade!

[Jade wakes up]

Jade's Teacher: If you're through daydreaming, could you tell us the capital of Italy?

Jade: Uh...Pizza? Heh, heh.

---

[Jackie is narrating a boring speech about archaeology to Jade's class]

Drew: [To Jade] So much for "Secret Agent" man.

[Jade raises her hand]

Jackie: Uh, question?

Jade: Jackie, tell us about the time you whooped a bunch of Shadowkhan on the roller coaster at Melvin World!

Jackie: That's a bit off topic, Jade. [Jade groans] Now, once an artifact is unearthed-

Jade: Really! He tanned their ninja hides! He's got amazing reflexes! Watch! [Takes an apple from her lunch and throws it at Jackie]

Jackie: Ow!

Jade's Teacher: Jade has quite an imagination, doesn't she, Mr. Chan?

Jackie: Heh, heh. Yes, she does. And a good throwing arm too.

---

[Jade has discovered a Talisman]

Jade: Oh, Jackie! [holds up the Talisman]

Jackie: You've gotta be kidding me.

Jade: It's the Monkey Talisman! Must be a Sea Monkey!

---

Uncle's Head: Jackie! Jackie! [Jackie wakes up] Jackie, you are shipwrecked.

Jackie: [dazed] Yes, Uncle. Shipwrecked.

Uncle's Head: One more thing. Jade has the Monkey Talisman.

Jackie: Jade's a good girl.

Uncle's Head: One more thing. Bad men are chasing her. She needs your help. Now! [whacks him in the head]

---

Jackie: Jade? Jade? Ja-? [Notices a feeding giraffe] A giraffe? We drifted all the way to Africa?!

---

The Dog and Piggy Show [1.11]

Tohru: Chan! The tali--

Jackie: -sman? What talisman?

[Tohru holds up the talisman-tracking statue]

Tohru: The ones the dragons indicate!

Jackie: Ohh, this talisman! You know, Tohru, you really should consider coming over the good side! Section 13 has a marvelous dental plan, and every Thursday is Donut Day!

---

[on the phone]

Jade: Jumping Jackal? It's me. Fearless Hyena.

Jackie: Jade--

Jade: Shh! Wise old goat roams near!

Jackie: What?

Jade: Ancient rabbit has very long ears!

Jackie: What are you talking about?

Jade: It's Uncle's birthday, where are you?

Jackie: My flight had a layover in Bavaria. If I never see Bavaria again...

Jade: Jackal, this isn't about you!

Jackie: Don't worry, Jade. My plane will arrive in plenty of time [whispering] for Operation Surprise!

---

Uncle: Jade. Jade! Jade!

Jade: Ah! Uncle, you scared me!

Uncle: And the rock and roll noise is scaring away the customers.

Jade: Tch, it's hiphop, duh! Come on, Uncle Coolio, I'll teach you some moves!

Uncle: [sighing] My hip does not hop...

Jade: Sure it does. You just move with the Grand Master Groove!

[Uncle drops a vase, which shatters]

Uncle: I am like that antique.

Jade: Uh... valuable?

Uncle: Old... and brittle.

---

Uncle: I will do research now.

Jade: But Uncle, we have cake! We have to celebrate!

Uncle: When I am another year younger, then I will celebrate.

---

Valmont: You failed to retrieve the talisman, and you sat on this! [holds the broken Seeking Device]

Shendu: The Seeking Device was forged by magic. Such things are hard to come by.

Tohru: Apologies, master.

Valmont: Perhaps the time has come to have a freelancer lead future missions...

Tohru: No need, master. I will do better!

Valmont: Ah, too late! Tohru, meet Hak Foo.

---

Uncle: 'The Dog talisman is best friend to man. It restores youthful energy to its holder... and grants eternal life.' Hmm... immortality...

---

Tohru: So... uh... where shall we begin our serach for the talisman?

Hak Foo: I don't know. You sat on the seeking device, remember?

Tohru: Well, the only talismans left to be found are the Tiger and the... [sees pigs everywhere] Pig.

Hak Foo: Wait here and stand watch. And I mean stand. Less chance you'll break something.

---

Jade: Somethings different about you.

Uncle: Like what?

Jade: Well, for one thing, you haven't said [imitates Uncle] 'One more thing', since we got here.

---

Hak Foo: Seeking a talisman? [holds up a chocolate] Only counterfeits here.

Jackie: Do I know you?

Hak Foo: I am Hak Foo, the last human you will ever lay eyes upon.

---

[After Hak Foo defeats Jackie]

Hak Foo: Black Tiger crushes Chan.

[Uncle and Jade enter the room]

Uncle: You! Tiger Man! Remove your feet from Jackie!

Jackie: [groggily] What's a Jackie?

Hak Foo: Take your leave, or feel the burn!

:Uncle: You talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?

---

"[Uncle is unconscious after Hak Foo knocks him out]

Uncle's Head:: Uncle! Uncle!

Uncle: Yes, Uncle?

Uncle's Head:: What happened? You got such a whooping!

Uncle: Big mouth had a big fist!

Uncle's Head: One more thing, there is work to do. You must acquire the Pig talisman and discover the power that it possesses.

Uncle: But... I'm dead.

Uncle's Head:: Ai-yah! How can you be dead? You are wearing the immortality talisman!

Uncle: Oh. Right.

Uncle's Head:: One more thing! [whacks him in the head; Uncle wakes up]

Jackie: Uncle! You're okay!

Uncle's Head:: See? Lots of garlic is good for you! We must get the Pig talisman before the big mouth finds it!

---

Jackie: Uncle! Explain.

Uncle: Jackie, thank you for letting me re-experience my youth. [hands over the Dog talisman] But being young is too dangerous! And exhausting! Uncle needs a nap.

Jade: You earned it Uncle! [hugs him]

The Tiger and the Pussycat [1.12]

Shendu: After nine centuries, all twelve Talismans have been uncovered. Yet I possess only two, while Jackie Chan has ten! You have failed me, Valmont!

---

Jackie-Lite: Uncle!

Uncle: What is it?

Jackie-Lite: I stepped on a bug! [sobbing] Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho...

---

Uncle: What happened to Jackie? He is such a cry-baby!

Jade: He's such a jerk!

Uncle: He is in the library, weeping all over all of my research!

Jade: No, he's in the kitchen, raiding the fridge!

[they realize]

Jade and Uncle: Jackie?

---

Uncle: The Talisman broke, Jackie's ying, was separated from his yang.

Jade: Whoa. Jackie-Lite, and Jackie-Dark.

Jackie-Lite: I am the Dark side! I murdered a bug!

Jade: [to Jackie-Dark] You're the side who ate my candy? You're evil! EVIL!!!

---

Jade: [as the Dark Hand arrives outside Uncle's store] What are we gonna do?!

Jackie-Dark: Laugh like circus clowns while they scream for mercy!

Jackie-Lite: RUN!

Jade: Guess we'll never know if two Jackies are better than- [Jackie-Lite grabs Jade] WHOA!

Jackie-Lite: This is no place for children!

---

Finn: [driving away from Jackie-Dark who moments ago creamed them in a fight] He'll never catch us.

Chow: Weren't we supposed to catch him?

Finn: Shut up!

---

[Jackie-Dark, Chow, and Finn are laughing loudly about their recent fight]

Jackie-Dark: And when the fish hit the road, you guys all went, "BWAH!"

[more loud laughter]

Finn: You know, Chan, you're all right!

Chow: Too bad we gotta eliminate you.

[more loud laughter]

Jackie-Dark: ELIMINATE ME?! [laughing hard]

---

Ratso: Get in there!

Jackie-Lite: [getting in the car] Are those seats real leather? Oh, those poor cows! [sobbing]

---

Jackie-Lite: It's not nice to drop-kick little girls.

---

Tohru: It's always Tohru's fault. Everyone blames Tohru.

---

[After Jackie-Lite and Jackie-Dark eliminate a room filled with Shadowkahn]

Jackie-Dark: You have pretty decent chups for such a big baby.

Jackie-Lite: [putting an arm on Jackie-Dark] Oh, I owe it all to teamwork!

Jackie-Dark: Don't touch me.

---

Valmont: [after fitting the last half of the twelfth Talisman into Shendu] Game over, Chan. Way over.

Shendu: [no longer a statue, but a walking demon] I LIVE!!!

Day of the Dragon [1.13]

[The Dark Hand Enforcers see Shendu brought back to life for the first time.]

Finn: Whoa, Shen-dude!

Ratso: Uh, welcome to earth?

Chow: Good to see ya up and around!

---

[After Shendu refuses to reward the Dark Hand with the treasure he promised them.]

Valmont: Tohru, make this deadbeat puny up!

[Finn, Ratso, and Chow back away from Tohru.]

Finn: You go bro.

Ratso: We're right behind you--

Chow: --in spirit.

---

Ratso: Too bad about the lost treasure of... y'know, whatcha call it.

Finn: Uh, will this affect our bonuses?

Ratso: You get a bonus?

Valmont: Shut it!

---

[On the Section 13 plane to Hong Kong.]

Uncle: Go away! I am busy!

Agent: Uh, you've been in the lavatory since take-off.

Uncle: That is right! Laboratory! Do you want Jackie to defeat the evil demon? Yes? Then go away! Let Uncle work!

---

Uncle: Never question the inscriptions.

---

Captain Black: Let's turn up the heat.

Uncle: No! Shendu is immortal. Magic must defeat magic.

---

Captain Black: He's out cold! Men!

[The agents raise their weapons.]

Uncle: Aiiee-yaaaahh!! No! Magic must defeat magic!

[The agents lower their weapons.]

Captain Black: Argh...

---

[Shendu seems to be gaining the upper hand against Jackie again.]

Captain Black: That tears it! Men!

[Uncle grabs Captain Black's shoulder, knocking him out.]

Uncle: Who else wants a piece of Uncle?

[The rest of the agents stand down their weapons.]

---

[Shendu is defeated; Captain Black comes to again.]

Captain Black: What happened?

Uncle: See! What have we learned?

Agents: Magic must defeat magic.

---

Jackie: Happy New Year Jade! Happy New Year Uncle!

[Uncle cuffs Jackie.]

Jackie: Oww!

Uncle: You destroyed the demon! Yin and yang! Now the world is out of balance! Nobody told you to destroy the demon!

Jackie: Jade did it.

Jade: Hmmph...

Uncle: Now there is a void for a new, stronger evil to fill!

Season 2 (The Demon Sorcerers)

The Stronger Evil [2.1]

Valmont: [angered] It would seem we have lost the lost treasure of Ching-sui Hai. On the bright side, however, Jackie Chan has done me a tremendous favor by eliminating my albatross.

Ratso: [whispers] Albatross? I thought Shendu was a dragon.

Valmont: Which means we now have exclusive access to...

[Valmont picks up the dragon talisman.]

Some very potent magic.

---

Shendu: Once I make Jackie Chan pay, I shall tear that buffoon Valmont to pieces--!

Dai Gui: SILENCE! The only future you have is here with us, brother!

Xiao Fung: Indeed. Let the eternal torment begin!

Shendu: "Torment"? "Eternal"?!

Tso Lan: To punish your betrayal, Shendu. You chose to spend your time ruling China.

Bai Tza: While we withered in this bone-dry pit!

Hsi Wu: Bored out of our wits all those centuries, each exactly like the one before it!

Po Kong: You never even attempted to free us!

Shendu: [nervously] I... your rescue was in the planning stages, but I became imprisoned in a statue--

Tchang Zu: Excuses! You desired the earthly realm for your own! [strikes Shendu with lightning]

Hsi Wu: A shame you never learned to share, brother.

Shendu: No, wait! I can free you!

Bai Tza: Do not toy with us! The doorways can only be opened from the other side.

Dai Gui: The human side.

Shendu: Precisely. As the humble spirit you now see before you, I am free to cross over and possess any human I wish, enabling me to undo the sacred spells that keep you here... if you so deem it.

---

[Valmont distributes the talismans among his Enforcers.]

Valmont: Twelve talismans, four Enforcers, three each.

Ratso: Uh, boss... there's only three of us since Tohru cashed in his frequent flyer miles.

Finn: So, I'll just hang on to these--

Hak Foo: Hungry crane spears fish!

[Hak Foo snatches the other talismans.]

Valmont: Everyone remembers Hak Foo?

Ratso: [nervously] Heh, hiya Hak!

Chow: Or do you prefer Foo?

Valmont: Master Foo. The Black Tiger shall be your new lieutenant.

---

Finn: Astral projection? Motion to the motionless? Yin yang? How come I get all the loser powers?

Security Guard: Freeze!

Hak Foo: Mule kick!

[Hak Foo easily dispatches the security guard without his talisman powers.]

Finn: No fair, you're not even using yours!

Hak Foo: The horse for healing - I am not easily injured. The rooster for levitation - I already fly. The dog for immortality - there is not a man alive who can vanquish me!

Finn: [intimidated] It's cool. Trade ya?

Hak Foo: Baby.

[Hak Foo gives his talismans to Finn.]

Finn: Score!

---

Ratso: Haha, we're like superheroes, who steal stuff!

---

Shendu: So, I trust you would agree that my, err... martyrdom has left a void for a new, stronger evil to fill - namely you, my brothers and sisters. Shall I proceed, then?

[The other Demon Sorcerers cast a spell on Shendu.]

Shendu: Gah! What trick is this?!

Hsi Wu: You have proven crafty, brother. So we require a safety measure.

Bai Tza: Our spell will keep you bound within a human of your choosing, until you release us.

Xiao Fung: A precaution, so that we know exactly where to find you!

Tso Lan: In the event we deem it necessary to resume your eternal torment.

Shendu: I accept your terms. I will choose my vessel well to best serve you. And the human most capable for this task is my nemesis: Jackie Chan!

---

Finn: Immortality and healing? That's redundant!

---

Jackie: Look out!

Finn: Yeah right, like I'm gonna fall for tha--

[Finn crashes into the ceiling of a tunnel entrance.]

Ugh, immortality hurts.

---

Hak Foo: Black tiger crosses bald eagle!

---

Hak Foo: Angry crow takes flight!

---

Shendu: Reports of my demise were greatly exaggerated, Chan. Destroy them!

The J-Team [2.2]

Hak Foo: Mido Quong foo! Toru: I'm sorry, what was that last part? Hak Foo: I said Mido- (punch) Hak Foo: What was that last part?

Hak Foo:I wasn't going to use these, but now you've made me mad! Huh, astral projection? Aghhh! (Crash) Hak Foo: OWW!!!

Rumble in the Big House [2.4]

Shendu: The portal of Xiao Fung the Wind Demon lies on the southern land mass, four million and one cubits above the southern hemisphere, beyond the blasted forest, nestled between the rolling hills.

Ratso: Uh, the only thing I see nestling...

Finn: ...is Hollowlands Penitentiary!

Valmont: You mean to tell us that the demon portal lies within those prison walls, Shendu?

Shendu: Do not take that tone with me, Valmont! I did not build the fortress!

Ratso: I've heard of busting out of jail, but breaking in?

---

Captain Black: Valmont and his pals have been spotted downtown. You in, Jackie?

Jade: We're there!

Jackie: Is your name Jackie? [Jade frowns] Captain Black, I thought all Dark Hand matters had been reassigned to Section 12!

Captain Black: That may be so, but I'm not going to sit pretty while the Dark Hand strolls into my backyard and hands a hall pass to a hobgoblin!

Jade (impressed): Captain Black is in the house!

---

Captain Black: Don't worry. All you have to do is fix your way into Valmont's gang, and get ahold of that Pan Ku Box before they open the portal with it.

Jackie: Oh, is that all?

---

Xiao Fung: Ahh, the sweet scent of freedom!

Finn: Uh, actually, Your Breeziness, sir? You're not exactly free.

Xiao Fung: No?

Ratso: You're in the hoosegow!

Finn: Prison!

Xiao Fung: This 'prison' is paradise compared to the ghastly abyss I escaped.

---

Xiao Fung: Where is Shendu?

Ratso: Shendu's in Valmont.

Finn: And Valmont's in solitary.

Xiao Fung: Hmm, if I do not free this Valmont, I will be burdened with freeing my brothers and sisters. Very well.

[changes into a human]

Finn: Whoa, you guys can do that?

Xiao Fung: Concealment seems prudent. Demons seem to stick out like sore thumbs in this modern world...

---

Finn: Whoa! We struck demon.

Xiao Fung: Not any demon. Xiao Fung, Demon of the Wind.

Ratso: Uh, like breaking wind?

Xiao Fung: [blows them backwards with his powers] Like breaking bones!

---

Captain Black: Demon. I see a demon.

Therapist: And this one?

Captain Black: Socks. Worn by a really big demon.

---

Xiao Fung: So good to see you again! In fact... [transforms back into demon form] I'M ALL A-BLUSTER!

Tale of the Demon Tail/Demon in Di-Skies [2.9]

[Shendu approaches the women's bathroom]

Ratso: Whoa, boss! You can't go in where no man has gone before.

Shendu: We are not going in, fool! Hsi Wu the Sky Demon is coming out!

---

Captain Black: I don't care if you are wearing a dress, Valmont. You are NOT going in the little girl's room!

---

Drew: Hey, Jade, going to the spring dance Friday night?

Jade: Eh, was thinking about it.

Drew: Who are you gonna go with? A ninja? Or do you only fight them?

[children laugh]

Jade: You're a riot, Drew.

Hsi Wu (as Seymour): Hey, Drew, who are you gonna go with? Your mother?

[children laugh]

---

Uncle: This friend of Jade's is too polite.

Jackie: Uncle, Jade finally has a friend her own age. This could keep her away from portals and demons.

---

Jade (about Seymour): We're like Yin and Yang, Yang and Yin.

Tohru: Good and evil?

Jade: Left and right; two halves of the same whole. Duh.

---

Seymour: I smell a spell!

[the tail flies towards him; he catches it]

Seymour: Stee-rike!

Jade: You're--you're...

Seymour (changing into Hsi Wu): A demon? Still want to go the dance with me?

Jade: No!

---

[Jade takes the Tiger Talisman]

Jade: Fight fire with fire. Fight yin... with yang.

---

[after Hsi Wu's banishment]

Jade: So long... Seymour.

---

Jade: You were right about the good and evil thing, T.

Tohru: There will be other dances, Jade.

Jade: Dance, schmance. I am so over Seymour! I just miss having someone around who listens. [pause] Someone... like you!

[gives Tohru her necklace] Yin and Yang. Big and small. You and me.

The New Atlantis [2.10]

Valmont: Shh. You'll wake Shendu.

Jackie: He's napping?

Valmont: I rendered him unconscious. Now please, you must help! I want him exorcised!

Jade: Tch. Like we're going to help Shendu get in shape.

---

Valmont: I'd be careful if I were you, Chan. Tohru turned coat on me, after all.

Tohru: You forced me to fight a demon!

Valmont: [sarcastically] Oh yes, that's completely different from what Chan's got you doing!

---

Valmont: Wearing the skirt is demeaning enough, Shendu. But this is over the line!

Shendu: Do you think I am pleased with our union, Valmont? If I am to remain in your pathetic body, I must at least make a few cosmetic improvements! Now hold still while I sprout our tail...

---

Shendu: Now that I have opened the last portal, sister Bai Tza, it is time to liberate me from my prison of flesh--

Bai Tza: You dare request your freedom?!

Shendu: Have I not earned it? I have released all our brothers and sisters.

Bai Tza: How curious, then, that six demon sorcerers remain trapped in the void! I should obliterate you on their behalf!

The Eighth Door [2.11]

Po Kong: [about Shendu] Can he be trusted?

Dai Gui: Of course not!

Xiao Fung: Yet we have no other options.

Tso Lan: And all of eternity to punish him, should he again deceive us.

Demon World (Part 1) [2.12]

[Shendu is being tortured by the other demons]

Shendu: Stop!

Hsi Wu: So what now, Shendu?

Shendu: Admittedly, I have failed you, my siblings. But I may yet save you as well! We can all regain our freedom, and even reclaim the centuries wasted in this void... if you allow me to pursue one last recourse.

Po Kong: Huh! And that would be?

Shendu: The Book of Ages.

[The other demons gasp in shock]

Dai Gui: Ludicrous!

Hsi Wu: Even we never dared to tamper with that!

Bai Tza: You risk altering the very fabric of reality!

Shendu: Am I to assume this reality pleases you, sister?

Po Kong: Hmm... These are desparate times.

Shendu: Then I will make things right. All you need do is allow me to once more depart from this realm and possess a human. The right human.

Demon World (Part 2) [2.13]

Shendu: CHAAAAAAAN!

Dui Gui: So he is behind this.

Tso Lan: And things were going so well...

Bai Tza: We were almost beginning to like you, brother.

Shendu: I... was just visiting--

Dai Gui: Hsi Wu? He has been banished to the netherworld.

Shendu: [notices Jade's watch on the ground] Technology? The child!

Tso Lan: She somehow escaped the historical alterations!

Bai Tza: And if she knows the history that was...

Shendu: Then Chan now knows of the book!

---

Dai Gui: Shendu and his accursed talismans!

The Mother of All Battles [2.14]

Jade: What's so yuck about a visit from your mom?

Tohru: [groan] I am the black sheep. All I've ever wanted was my mom proud of me.

Jade: Well, she will be. You're handsome and... big. You've got a... you're big!

---

Momma Tohru: Only antique I see here is the billy goat there!

Uncle: "Billy goat!"

Tohru: Mommy...

Momma Tohru: Hush up!

Uncle: Dragon Lady should watch her forked tongue unless she wants a piece of Uncle!

---

Jackie: [working as a security guard for an artifact] Jade, how did you get in here?

Jade: Security's lousy.

---

Uncle: [to a gangmember] Hand is quicker than the eye. [kicks him] But should have been watching foot!

Glove Story [2.29]

Jackie: I'm sorry, but this find belongs to the museum.

Haggus: Uh...your name is...The Museum?

Tough Luck [2.30]

---

[Finn is dreaming of the Dark Hand starting a rock band with a massive audience. Mid-way through their song, Jackie leaps from a helicopter and grabs Finn by his collar.]

Finn: But...we're not even doing anything wrong!

Jackie: You are off-key. [punches Finn]

The Amazing T-Girl! [2.31]

Benshui Monk: Do not be concerned, friends. The power of the Talismans, lies within.

Jackie: You got them back?

Black: Jackie, Jackie...the Holy man speaks in the mystical sense, as in, May the force be with you, or We are the world. Right?

Monk: Oh, no no. The power of the Talismans, truly lies within.

---

[After Uncle, Jackie, and Black have been captured and trapped in the ground by Daolong Wong]

Uncle: Do not waste your strength, someone will come.

Jackie: Let us hope it's not a wolf.

Black: Or a yeti. [pause] Well they have those here, right?

---

[after trying to heal Supermoose with the Horse Talisman, which actually uses the Dragon Talisman's power and destroys Supermoose]

Jade: Uh, what was the Dragon Blast doing in the Horse Talisman?

The Chan Who Knew Too Much [2.32]

Jackie: [after stumbling into a secret meeting] Uh, hello. Sorry to interrupt your function. I'll just find my way-

Magister Leader: Thou knoweth too much! Thou must be smoten!

---

Magister Leader: He seeketh to learn the mysteries of our fortress!

[Jackie runs into a room, which the Magisters follow him into]

Magister Leader: He has spied, the secret library!

Jackie: Umm, library? What library? [runs again into another room]

Magister Leader: He hath discovered the hidden armory!

Jackie: I'm just looking for an exit! [runs down a hall into another room]

Magister Leader: Ehh! He hath entered the private water closet!

Magister: He is privy to our privy!

---

Magister 1: [pointing to Jackie's cell phone] He has knaved to others of the Magisters!

Jackie: Magisters?

Magister 2: He knoweth our name!

Jackie: He just said it!

---

Uncle: [hitting the fax machine with a broom] Tohru! The giant phone is possessed!

---

Magister: Thou has faxed our insignia!

Jackie: It didn't go through!

---

Magister Constable: Halt! Ye shall be smoten, post-haste!

---

Magister Constable: Methinks yon varlet wisheth to challenge us in armed combat.

Jackie: No! I don't wisheth that at alleth!

---

Magister Constable: Yon twain knoweth nothing of our magicks!

Jackie: That is what I have been trying to tell you!

---

Magister Leader: Deny it no further! Thou knoweth too much!

Jade: Tch...now we do.

Season 3 (The Talisman-Powered Animals)

The Powers Unleashed [3.2]

Finn: *about Daolon Wong* Who is this guy?

Ratso: Oooh oooh, I know! It's the drummer from KISS!

Season 4 (The Oni Masks)

The Masks of the Shadowkhan [4.1]

Jade: Dullsville.

Jackie: No Jade, the capital of Georgia is Atlanta.

---

Samurai Ratso [4.2]

Tohru: [holds an onion up to Tarakudo menacingly]

Tarakudo: Whoa! easy with that veggie, big fella.

Tohru: [tosses it at him]

Tarakudo: Aaaah! My eyes! My eyes!

Half a Mask of Kung-Fu [4.8]

Hak Foo: SCREAMING EAGLE FEET! [kicks at Jackie, only to end up piercing the bottom of his foot on the horn of a skull stuck on Jackie's head] AAAAAAAAAAH! Crying puppy feet! Crying puppy feet!

---

Uncle: Uncle sends you to find Oni mask and you return with gibberish?

Jade: Hello! It's not gibberish; it's a site on the Web.

Uncle: Ooh, the mask has been taken by giant spider?

---

Uncle: [watching Jade use her laptop] Jade, why did you not tell Uncle your waffle iron was magic?

---

Jackie: You're FilthyRich1?

Jade: But you're not rich, just-

Valmont: I am fully aware of the irony!

---

Jackie: The mask is evil, Jade. It is only a matter of time before it turns you evil too.

Jade: [wearing half of an Oni mask] Tch, I can handle it. One, it's only half the evil of a regular mask. And two... [demonic voice] the next time you call me crazy, I SHALL DEVOUR YOUR BRAINS! [regular voice] ...Hehe, see your point.

---

Jackie: We have to find the delivery truck.

Jade: No problem, Jackie. I'll just order my half-a-khan to chase it down and [demonic voice] feast upon the delicious gray matter of the helpless mortal inside!

---

Jackie: Jade, the evil within you is growing stronger. You must resist it until we can find the potion.

Jade: Well, we better find it fast, 'cause your brains are starting to smell awful yummy.

---

Jackie: [cell phone rings] Hello? [hands it to Jade] It's for you.

Tohru: Jade, we were in the middle of a big auction and then all the icons disappeared.

Jade: No problem, T. Just click on the blinking Super-Moose in the corner and [demonic voice] SURRENDER YOUR SOUL TO THE FORCES OF DARKNESS!

Tohru: Uh...I will figure it out on my own.

The Good Guys [4.9]

Finn: No way are we handing over our life savings to someone who looks like a pizza boy.

Strikemaster Ice: Yo yo yo. This is one pizza boy who's going to serve up an extra large whupping with extra cheese!

Season 5 (The Demon Powers)

Black and White Chi All Over [5.3]

Tohru: Drago!

Jackie: And... Strikemaster Ice?

Jade: Hey, Pizza-face got a Drago makeover!

Strikemaster Ice: Yo dawg, you didn't say nothing about putting the hurt on Chan. First day on the job and we already get a bonus!

The Powers That Be (Part 1) [5.12]

Drago: I told you slackers to stay in the truck.

Strikemaster Ice: Yeah, well us slackers kind of changed our minds about how it's gonna go down.

Drago: Oh?

MC Cobra: Figured, why let you get all the powers?

Drago: You... want some of them?

Strikemaster Ice: No, dawg. We want all of them!

The Powers That Be (Part 2) [5.13]

Drago: The Earth was within my grasp! You never let me have anything I want!

Shendu: I told you not to play with your father's world!

Drago: Why not?! You weren't using it! You're always too busy fighting wizards!

Repeated Character Quotes

Jackie Chan

• Bad day, bad day, bad day!

Uncle Chan

• One more thing!
• Yu Mo Gui Gwai Fai Di Zao!
• Magic must defeat magic!
• You want a piece of Uncle?

Jade Chan

• Hi Jackie!

• Jackie PLEASE!!!

• Stay with Uncle? He did not say which uncle.

Captain Augustus Black

• Woah, Nelly!

Tohru

• I hate fish!

El Toro Fuerte

• El Toro Fuerte never removes his mask!

Hak Foo

Angry crow takes flight!

Cast List

(in order of appearance)

• Jackie Chan - Voiced by James Sie.
• Uncle Chan - Voiced by Sab Shimono.
• Jade Chan - Voiced by Stacie Chan.
• Captain Augustus Black - Voiced by Clancy Brown.
• Tohru - Voiced by Noah Nelson.
• El Toro Fuerte - Voiced by Miguel Sandoval.
• Paco - Voiced by Franco Velez.
• Viper - Voiced by Susan Eisenberg.
• Valmont - Voiced by Julian Sands (Seasons 1 and 2); Andrew Ableson (Seasons 3 and 4).
• Finn - Voiced by Adam Baldwin.
• Ratso - Voiced by Clancy Brown.
• Chow - Voiced by James Sie.
• Hak Foo - Voiced by Jim Cummings (Season 1 only); John DiMaggio (Season 2 onwards).
• Shendu - Voiced by James Sie.

End Credits

(Season 1 only; lyrics performed by Wheatus.)

Never gets a chance to breathe

Searching for the talismans

And racing down the Dark Hand

He'll win with just his hands

Yeah, you know Chan's got a plan

He never can be beat

Always landing on his feet

Protects his Uncle and niece

From Shadowkhan and deadbeats

Yet he would rather laugh than fight

It's wrong or right?

You gotta like him!

Jackie Chan!

Where's the talisman?

You got to find it now!

You always do somehow!

External Links

• Jackie Chan Adventures official website
• Jackie Chan Adventures on IMDb
• Jackie Chan Adventures on TV.com