Kitchen Nightmares (uncensored)

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For the good clean version of the same series, see Kitchen Nightmares.

Kitchen Nightmares is a reality TV series on FOX where Chef Gordon Ramsay visits failing restaurants across America and tries to help them turn around. It aired its first episode on September 19, 2007.

Contents

Season 1[edit]

Peter's [1.01][edit]

Dillon's [1.02][edit]

Gordon: (finds a half tomato) When's that from? That's been sliced. That's gone out. What is that --where is it-- hey madam, where's that tomato gone?
(the other half is being served on a dish in the dining room.)
Gordon: (digging through the slugs in the tomato.) Look! It's fucking rotten, you fucking idiot! IT'S ROTTEEEEEEEEN!! Has a customer just been served a slice of tomato?!!
Server: No, no, no.
Gordon: So where is it?!!
Andrew: (interview) Oh my god.
(A customer starts eating the other half of the tomato.)
Martin: (interview) Things are looking pretty glum.

Gordon: No one is getting served from this fucking restaurant tonight! Let's make that clear! Yes or no? Anyone against that?
Andrew: No.
Gordon: No, good.
Martin: (interview) That didn't go down too good. He was extremely angry and extremely pissed off.
Gordon: We are not...ever...again serving any of this food. I don't give a fuck what anyone says. Can you go and tell them that the kitchen is closed? Right now! Out there and tell them the truth! Tell them now!
Andrew: (interview) Gordon was so outraged. So angry. I've never seen anything like it.
Gordon: (who can be heard in the dining room) FROM GREEN BURGERS, TO FUCKING FURRY CUCUMBERS, TO FUCKING RANCID POTATOES!!!

The Mixing Bowl [1.03][edit]

[The New York Dragons were not on the reservation list thanks to Mike]
Lisa: (interview) The Dragons were supposed to be on that list and Mike just forgot!
Lisa: How is that missed? How is that overlooked?
Mike: Someone-- the dragons just...
Lisa: Mike, that's what I'm saying.
Mike: I'm not sure what transpired.
Lisa: (interview) It was so upsetting. The was no Dragons on there!
Gordon: My god. For me, it's the most important table. That's embarrassing.
Lisa: You're overlooking extremely important things!
Mike: I was not told about the Dragons. I found out...
Lisa: Well, why do you keep saying that?
Mike: (losing it) Because I wasn't!! I wasn't told!!
Lisa: Excuse me, do not talk to me like that!
Mike: I was told at 7:00 this morning. THAT IT!!! Seriously, I'm pissed off!! DRAGONS ON THE PAPER!!! I'm pissed off!! Not my fault!! Dragons over here, I put them on at 7:00. COULD WE PLEASE MOVE ON?!!! THAT'S IT!!! NOT MY FAULT!!!

Seascape [1.04][edit]

Gordon: (after tasting the crab cakes) They've got it wrong on the menu. It's not a crab cake. It's a crap cake. Because if I eat anymore, I'll be busy crapping for the next hundred and five years.

Gordon: Twice baked potato. Thank fuck I missed that one twice.

Gordon: (finding frozen ravoli that he had for lunch) Bingo. These were my fresh lobster ravioli. Fresh? My fucking arse. I've eaten this shit!

Gordon: I've never done that before, close down a restaurant, but that was a fucking embarrassment. Seascape open? (slams closed sign over open one on sandwich board) Close the fucking place.

The Olde Stone Mill [1.05][edit]

Sebastian's [1.06][edit]

Sebastian: Okay, my pizzas will soon be in supermarkets.
Gordon: What?!
Sebastian: I would love to franchise this, and have a "Sebastian's" all over the world.
Gordon: Oh my god...
Sebastian: Just think how that sounds. "Sebastian's" all over the world. That makes me excited.
Gordon: You haven't got fucking one right so far! How the fuck can you think about two? I need some fresh air, the guy's gone!
(Sebastian laughs. Cut to Gordon standing in the street outside the restaurant]
Gordon: This guy is seriously off his fucking trolley!
Sebastian: (to the kitchen staff) I just won that one. I won that one.
Gordon: What on earth is going on in his fucked-up, delusional mind?
Sebastian: Whoo! I won that one!
Joy: What happened?
Sebastian: He was giving me shit. I gave it back to him, and he was like, "Uh, yeah whatever," and-
Gordon: (walks back into the restaurant) Sebastian! I just want a little word.
[Gordon goes into Sebastian's office, and Sebastian follows him]
Gordon: Listen, big boy. Right now, you've won jack fucking shit! You've got the audacity to stand there, talking to me about a franchise, when we can't even get a pizza right?
Sebastian: (interview) It took everything in me not to just, freak out. (to Gordon) I've been here two years. It may not seem like-
Gordon: What have you got to show?
Sebastian: What have I got to show? I'll tell you what I've got to show. Pride! Pride!
Gordon: You're delusional! You are so-
Sebastian: That's your opinion, sir. A lot of people feel that way about you!
Gordon: (points at the dining room) What's successful about out there?
Sebastian: I'm still here.
Gordon: That's what makes it successful? You've just answered my question. I'll see you later.

Gordon: (on the over-elaborate menu) You can't push an inherently-faulty concept. That's like shining a turd...absolutely futile.

Sebastian: (walks out of his restaurant) Fucking arrogant! Fuck that motherfucker! (to the production team) We're done! Get the fucking team out of here! (approaches back entrance) Chef Gordon! (breaks the door open) Chef Gordon! Where the fuck are you? Where are you?
Gordon: I'm here.
Sebastian: You come into my restaurant?
Gordon: Yes.
Sebastian: I'm just so fucking disappointed.
Gordon: Wait. Don't shout here. You're going to calm down?
Sebastian: Stop pointing your finger at me.
Gordon: Are you going to calm down?
Sebastian: Are we going to speak like men? You're going to speak to me like a man?
Gordon: You didn't listen to what I've told you.
Sebastian: You didn't listen to what I'm saying.
Gordon: Did you hear what I've just told you?
Sebastian: I'm stepping away from you, because I don't want to be too close.
Gordon: You ungrateful...
Sebastian: You have no idea!
Gordon: Nasty, vindictive...
Sebastian: You have no fucking idea!
Gordon: Joker!
Sebastian: Well, fuck you! (walks away)
Gordon: This is it? (follows Sebastian)
Sebastian: Yeah, it is it! You're very disappointing!
Gordon: I was expecting fucking shit performance tonight!
Sebastian: Are you fucking kidding me?! Your whole act is a fucking joke!
Gordon: Anything else?
Sebastian: Your whole act is a fucking joke! You're a phony!
Gordon: You shouldn't run like that.
Sebastian: Run like what?!
Gordon: Am I supposed to be scared now, Sebastian?
Sebastian: (makes a "wanker" gesture) Come on, give me a break. I'm busting my ass in there. You tell me...
Gordon: You what?!
Sebastian: Are you kidding me?!
Gordon: Let me tell you...
Sebastian: Are you kidding me?!
Gordon: Let me tell you something...
Sebastian: You're telling me nothing! I'm done!
Gordon: There you go.
Sebastian: Yes. LOSER! (walks away) And I'm telling you one last time. YOU'RE A FUCKING DICK-HEAD!

Finn McCool's [1.07][edit]

Melissa: I want to see you and Ramsay chug.
Brian: I'll smoke him, and tuck him into bed. Goodnight, chef.

Lela's [1.08][edit]

[Gordon brings Buzzard (Daniel) back to Lela's after Buzzard stole leftover wine and food.]
Gordon: [shows Lela the stolen food] This is Buzzard's little picnic. Nice little sandwich there, ham, cheese, mustard. Oh, nice big salad. And main course, we're going to tackle some New Zealand lamb.
Buzzard: I know where that came from.
Gordon: Stop laughing. Here we are with a restaurant that's financially fucking screwed and you're just helping yourself to wine and a four course dinner.
Lex: (interview) He takes little things every now and then, but I haven't seen him do something like that in a while.
Buzzard: Now, listen. I'm not going to stand there and argue with you. You can have that! Okay? (Walks out)
Gordon: This lady owns it. Buzzard? Unbelievable.
Lela: (interview) We were thinking that he was doing that but I hadn't caught him in the act and today, well there it is.

[Buzzard comes to work next morning]
Lela: (interview) I hate to have to fire anybody, but then you get to the point where if I can't get them to change what they're doing or whatever, then I have to get rid of him.
Gordon: Can I see your eyes? Take your glasses off. (Buzzard takes off his shades) Buzzard, anything that belongs inside this restaurant belongs to Lela. Yeah? End of story. Nothing gets taken off this premise.
Tabitha: (interview) If it was up to me, I'd fire Buzzard's ass.
Gordon: I get lots of people stealing from me and I just have one discipline, anyone who steals from me is out. End of story. Because, the message you send, they all see you do it, they all do it. Anyway, Lela, you're the one who's got to make the decision, it's your restaurant.
Lela: Yeah, so you know, I'm sorry but this is going to be it. All right? This is it.
Tabitha: (interview) Buzzard ain't going to be back here. He ain't going to be buzzing around here and he's truly a buzzard.

Campania's [1.09][edit]

The Secret Garden [1.10][edit]

Gordon: (taking off his jacket.) Fucking hell.
Narrator: With the restaurant on the verge of success, Chef Michel is insisting on reverting back to his old ways and Gordon has ran out of patience.
Michel: Thank you very much.
Gordon: Cut the bullshit. You don't care anymore. Just get straight to the fucking answer.
Michel: I'm not cutting no bullshit. I'm just telling it like it is.
Gordon: Get straight to the fucking answer.
Michel: Alright? Your menu's not better than mine, you know?
Gordon: You're a donkey.
Michel: My food has been voted best Chef in Ventura county.
Gordon: WHAT?!!!
Michel: Yeah, listen.
Gordon: Hold on, hold on. Let me finish!! Let me finish!! You put your fucking hands up here and listen to me. YOU RUN A SHIT-HOLE OF A KITCHEN!!! FUCK YOURSELF!!!
Michel: NO! NO! NO!
Gordon: (furious) FUCK OFF!!! Who the fuck are you to turn around and tell me when you work like a PIG?!!! YOU FRENCH PIG!!!
Michel: Pig?
Gordon: YOU FUCKING PIG!!!! You're a lazy pig! You're so full of shit! Open your eyes! Take a look around.
Michel: Big mouth! You're not happy?
Gordon: I'M FUCKING HAPPY!
Michel: Go on! You can get out!
Gordon: (flips Michel off) FUCK YOURSELF!!
Michel: You can get out! It's my fucking kitchen!!!
Gordon: Is It? Well if it's your FUCKING KITCHEN, THEN CLEAN IT, YOU LAZY CUNT!!!!!
Michel: (flabbergasted) No.

Season 2[edit]

Kitchen Nightmares Revisited: Gordon Returns [2.01][edit]

Handlebar [2.02][edit]

Giuseppi's [2.03][edit]

Trobiano's [2.04][edit]

Black Pearl [2.05][edit]

Gordon: A restaurant run by three passionate owners? No chance. Brian, he works two days a week. David, well I don't trust him one little inch. And as for Greg, well he's pissed off at both of them. Basically in a nutshell, Sleepy, Dopey and Grumpy. Who am I? Snow fucking White?

Gordon: You tell me about the passion with the Maine lobsters. Are you aware that the lobsters in your fridge are Canadian?
David: Same waters, North Atlantic waters.
Gordon: You're telling me now...a Canadian lobster, half the price of a Maine lobster, is the same taste and flavour? There's a big difference. I can't get Maine lobsters.
David: That's right, so they get them from Canada.
Gordon: I'm using Canadian lobsters.
David: That's right. That's what they do.
Gordon: But I don't advertise them as "Maine."
David: You tell me, is it a different animal?
Gordon: "Maine" is a "Canadian" lobster for you?
David: Homarus americanus. Same animal, right?
Gordon: Holy shit...
David: I'm asking you a question.
Gordon: What you're trying to dictate to me is that you're selling "Maine" lobster - they're not from Maine.
David: Well, it comes from the same vendor.
Gordon: [at a loss] Holy shit! The award-winning Maine lobster roll...is Canadian!

Gordon: [to David] You're so full of fucking shit that you'd make a great politician.

Gordon: You amaze me.
David: What?
Gordon: Because all week long, face-to-face, you fucking pretend to care.
David: Oh, fuck, Gordon. Come on.
Gordon: You don't give two shits about this place.
David: Really?
Gordon: You're not passionate about running a restaurant.
David: Really?
Gordon: You're just abusing it and using it.
David: How did I- what, what, what did I do?
Gordon: I've never met an individual that's so full of shit in all my life.
David: How have I been lying to you, Gordy? How? Tell me.
Gordon: Gordy?
David: Yeah, how? You want to disrespect me, I can disrespect you too. But tell me how I'm lying to you.
Gordon: I'm not disrespecting you. I'm telling you the truth.
David: No, you're disrespecting me because you don't know the truth.
Gordon: You're just massaging your fucking ego.
David: Gordon, bullshit.
Gordon: What do you mean, bullshit?
David: Not true.
Gordon: From the first minute you walked in this fucking door, standing there with your big long coat and your fucking sunglasses looking like proud cock, that was it. First impressions. Then you start debating lobsters because you think you're some smart-arse on the back of few fucking shit dive books.
Gordon: [flashback] Are you aware that the lobsters in your fridge are Canadian?
David: [flashback] Homarus americanus. Same animal, right?
Gordon: "Humanus americanus", my arse-us.
David: Hmm.
Gordon: With 21 restaurants under my belt, I work my fucking arse off.
David: So what? So what?
Gordon: And I never take anything for granted.
David: [sarcastically] Fascinating, Gordon.
Gordon: You treat the staff like shit. You amaze me.
David: Never. Never do that.
Gordon: Excuse me?
David: Never.
David: [flashback] Cat, it's policy here for you not to have a drink here after your shift, but you often do.
David: Never.
Gordon: You can't even be honest with yourself, let alone me. Mate, you've been exposed.
David: Exposed?
Gordon: You're a hypocrite.
David: Is that right?
Gordon: Absolutely. For you, it's about a fucking TV show. This man [points to Greg], it's about a restaurant. Fuck the TV, David. And, I mean fuck it. This is real for me. And for you, it's an image.
David: I disagree with you on almost everything you said.
Gordon: You do?
David: Yeah, I do.
Gordon: Why do you disagree?
David: Because you're wrong. The great Gordon Ramsay is wrong.
Gordon: You're a sad fucker.

J Willy's [2.06][edit]

Hannah & Mason's [2.07][edit]

Gordon: What a beautiful, quaint little town. I can't think of a better way to spend Valentine's Day than at Hannah &... (sees that the sign is missing the N from "Mason's") Maso's? I guess they couldn't afford the "N." That's not a good start.

[Gordon goes down to the walk in fridge]
Gordon: I cannot believe that this is how you guys are running a restaurant!
Chris: (interview) Through my head, I was thinking "We're going to be screwed!"
Gordon: That's what in there?
Chris: That's the walk in freezer.
Gordon: That's the walk in freezer? Look at the mess in here! What's this here?
Brian: Bacon.
Gordon: Bacon. Yeah obviously bacon, smart-arse! That's from lunch? Yeah, five years ago! You leave a spatula in there like that? I'm sorry. No. I cannot believe what you guys are doing here.
Chris: There was so much going on. My head was spinning. My head was about to explode. I thought to myself, this is a disaster.
Gordon: What's that in there?
Brian: Shit that didn't get put away?
Gordon: (finds cooked chicken sitting next to raw chicken.) Oh, my god.
Chris: I don't know what the fuck...
Gordon: Oh, fuck off! Oh, my god! Oh, no!
Chris: This is not good.
Gordon: RAW CHICKEN!
Brian: That should never happen.
Gordon: Oh my god! CHRIS, THERE'S FUCKING CHICKEN AGAINST RAW CHICKEN!!
Chris: It's fucking...
Gordon: HEY PANINI-HEAD, LISTEN TO ME,
Chris: Yes?
Gordon: YOU'RE GOING TO KILL SOMEONE! I'VE EATEN HERE!! Partners? Partners in crime! You should be ashamed.
Brian: We are ashamed.
Gordon: You've just contaminated the town!

Gordon: This is not a romantic eat-out. This is a Valentine fucking massacre!

Jack's Waterfront [2.08][edit]

Sabatiello's [2.09][edit]

[Dover sole stuffed with imitation crab meat is being sent back to the kitchen]
Sammy: What's the matter with this?
Waiter: She said it's not fresh, she said it's no good.
Gordon: It's fucking watery.
Sammy: Let me have a taste. How bad is it? (tastes it) It's not bad though! It's not bad! It's not bad! (Gordon tastes it and spits it out.) Ohhhh, no! Come on! He spits it out. It's not bad.
Gordon: You're fucking delusional. It's mushy. It's watery. It's fake.
Sammy: It's not the right crab meat. You're right.
Gordon: And it's fucking disgusting. You're jumping up and down like a big fucking baboon and "Ho, ho! It's good!" Whoo!

Gordon: Watching this restaurant perform is embarrassing. Fake fucking crab meat inside of sole? It's pretty obvious, it's become the appendix of restaurants in Stamford. You just want to get rid of it and get it out.

Narrator: With food now coming back, it's a perfect opportunity for Gordon to witness Sammy's customer service skills.
Sammy: How did you want your meat cooked? Did you want it rare?
Lady: I wanted it medium rare.
Sammy: So can we make you another one? Will you wait or you don't want it all?
Lady: I'll wait, but the thing is I don't want you to stick it back in a microwave.
Sammy: No, we're going to throw that out and make you a new one. Nobody's talking about microwave. You're the one who's talking about microwave.
Lady: It came out of a microwave, otherwise it wouldn't be exuding heat.
Sammy: Do you work for a microwave company? You know so much about microwave. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Get the fuck out of here. Tell her to take a hike.
Customers: That is rude. Wow. To speak to a customer like that, that's disgusting.
[Later when the lamb is recooked and brought back to the lady, the restaurant breaks out in applause]
Sammy: No wait, we're not done yet. I want to see you cut into it. How is it? Is it still too rare?
Lady: You know what? I'm done. No more chances.
Sammy: Unbelievable. (interview) Oh my god. I just wanted to pick her up and throw her out. There's a right way and a wrong way of handling something like that and she was totally wrong.

Fiesta Sunrise [2.10][edit]

[Gordon finds a tray of ground beef with dried up fat covering it.]
Gordon: What is that?!!
Vic: Ground beef.
Gordon: Ground beef?!! Half of it's fucking fat, you idiot! It's fatter than you!

Gordon: The fridge is full of shit! It's, it's DISGUSTING! I wasn't here on Saturday, but what were they expecting? Fucking ten thousand customers for lunch? Patti, I'm fucking disgusted. Yolanda, that's a joke.
Yolanda: I understand. (interview) I don't want people to get sick and I don't want them to spread the word that the food is bad here.
Gordon: (to Vic) You're overstaffed. Under-worked. Shit food! I wouldn't trust you running a bar, let alone a fucking restaurant! You must be out of your tiny mind!
Vic: I care for the restaurant.
[Gordon grabs a huge bucket full of stale refried beans]
Gordon: I want to take that out there. I dare you, take it out there. Go on, give it to them! Yeah, there you go.
Vic: Excuse me?
Gordon: Look at me! Why won't you take it out there?
Vic: That's embarrassing.
Gordon: Yeah, it is embarrassing. WHY ARE YOU SERVING IT?! YOU DON'T FUCKING CARE!
Vic: Why?
Gordon: Why?! Because you're serving that and trying to charge people money for that. That's why you don't care.
Vic: I care for-
Gordon: YOU DON'T CARE SHIT! No fucking way!
[Gordon picks up the bucket of beans, carries it through to the dining room, and places it on a table in front of the shocked diners]
Gordon: Fuck! Ladies and gentlemen! I'm so sorry, but we're stopping service. Everything you've had to eat, drink so far is all on the house. Sir, that thing you have in your hand, put it down! Because if you just seen where it came from like I have, you wouldn't be eating it. Very sorry. Close up. (to Vic) No bill anywhere!
Vic: (interview) I was like "What the hell are you doing?" You can't do that to my customers.
Gordon: By the way, there's your refried beans on the way out. Have a look at them.

Gordon: You can't run a fucking restaurant like that!
Vic: You think I'm mad? I'm fucking embarrassed now.
Gordon: You should be fucking embarrassed. I'm not putting one foot in that place until that place is fucking cleaned. Yes?
Vic: You're right.
Gordon: Now you start getting those guys cleaning, yes?
Vic: Definitely.
Gordon: Put some fucking pride! Do you understand the word pride?!
Vic: Yes.
Gordon: It's not possible for someone to have his head so far up his arsehole. Fuck me.

Santa La Brea [2.11][edit]

Cafe 36 [2.12][edit]

Season 3[edit]

Hot Potato Cafe [3.01][edit]

Flamango's [3.02][edit]

Bazzini [3.03][edit]

Mojito [3.04][edit]

Lido di Manhattan Beach [3.05][edit]

Le Bistro [3.06][edit]

Casa Roma [3.07][edit]

Gordon: This is incredible. Right through those doors has to be for me one of the worst restaurants I've ever seen in my entire cooking career. The chef doesn't give a fuck, the owner's completely clueless and not any form of communication between the kitchen and the restaurant and the management. It's a fucking shambles.

[8:58 PM, two hours into dinner service]
Gordon: What are we waiting on Ashley?
Ashley: I'm still waiting on chicken pancotta with penne marinara, an individual kids pepperoni pizza, half order spaghetti with meat sauce, eggplant parmesean with angel hair meat, chicken pancotta angel hair marinara, three chicken parms and a veal Parmesan ...for just one table. (interview) I really felt like crying because it was that embarrassing for me.
Gordon: Erick, can I have your undivided attention?
Erick: Sure.
Gordon: Nothing's happening. We served one table of four, one table of two. For the last three tickets, half an order's gone out, the other half is still on the board. You haven't got a clue what's going on. You're (Drew) running around crazy. What chance have we got serving 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, tables? You asked for one more crack at lunch time. "Let me go big boy! Let me go! I want to do it again!" We're spinning around and serving shit! Do me a favor, close the fucking restaurant! I can't stand any longer and watch that embarrassment. I need the door fucking closed! Forget it! Good night!

Gordon: I can't even start with a chef that can't even know how to cook something basic. Why are you pulling a chef that is that incompetent? Darling, he's not in the slightest bit of interest of fucking making it work, he doesn't give a fuck about his cooking, doesn't give a fuck about you, and he's here for one thing and one thing only: money. And the only restaurant that fucking guy will ever get a job is in a restaurant that doesn't have any customers. If you've got any chance of surviving here, get rid of him. What are you scared of? Talk to me.
Nylah: Where am I going to find another chef?
Gordon: Drew. What's wrong with Drew?
Nylah: Drew, I think can carry it on.
Gordon: So get rid of him!
Nylah: Okay.
Gordon: Unbelievable.
Erick: Babe, I'm sorry.
Nylah: No, no, just wait a minute. Jeremy come here.
Erick: I feel real bad.
Nylah: The whole thing is, this isn't the first time you've let us down. I just can't do it. I know but I just can't do it. You guys get your paycheck every week. Jeremy and I never take a dime out of here.
Erick: We understand that.
Nylah: I know but I mean, the whole thing is not going to work because you...
Erick: Okay so what do you want to do?
Nylah: We're going to part ways.
Erick: Okay that's no problem. Dammit! I fucked on that deal.
Nylah: (interview) He couldn't pull off lunch, couldn't pull off dinner and so we just had to let him go. You know I can't do this.

Mama Rita's [3.08][edit]

Anna Vincenzo's [3.09][edit]

Revisited: Gordon Returns 2 [3.10][edit]

Fleming [3.11][edit]

Sushi Ko [3.12][edit]

Revisited: Gordon Returns 3 [3.13][edit]

Season 4[edit]

Spanish Pavilion [4.01][edit]

Classic American [4.02][edit]

PJ's Steakhouse [4.03][edit]

[Gordon orders crab cakes]
Gordon: Somebody spit on my food? What is that?
Server: It's coulis mango sauce.
Gordon: Oh, coulis mango. Thank you. [she leaves] Looks like something out of a modern art museum. Splat! Okay... [takes a bite] Wow. That's fucking disgusting. It's rancid. Plastic bits of crap running through the crab cakes.

Gordon: PJ's Steakhouse? "Pathetic Joke"! That's what it stands for!

Revisited: Gordon Returns 4 [4.04][edit]

Grasshopper Also [4.05][edit]

Davide [4.06][edit]

DownCity [4.07][edit]

[Gordon has found rotting food in the refrigerator]
Gordon: You haven't got a head chef?
Abby: Jimmy is my head chef.
Gordon: So we have a head chef. Before, you weren't ready to confirm he was a head chef. All of a sudden, we discover this mess down here. Now, he's appointed.
Abby: Rico, why don't we just sell the place and just get out of the business?
Gordon: Why don't we what?!
Abby: I was talking to Rico. It has nothing to do with you.
Gordon: Has nothing to do with me?
Abby: No.
Gordon: Excuse me? What do you think I'm doing? I'm trying--
Abby: You're being a fucking asshole! This wasn't like this. I don't run a kitchen like this!
Gordon: Hold on a minute. You're calling me a fucking arsehole?
Abby: I am!
Gordon: You stuck-up precious little bitch! Let me tell you something!
Abby: Oh, boy. Here we go.
Gordon: Listen to me!
Abby: I'm not going to listen to you.
Gordon: You're in denial!
Abby: I'm not in denial!
Gordon: Yes you are! You can't even fucking accept it!
Abby: Fuck you!
Gordon: And you walk out again!
Abby: I am! (Flips off Gordon) Fuck you! (walks upstairs)
Gordon: There you go. Flip the bird? That's your attitude? (to Rico) And that's your partner? I'm really sorry, but this wasn't like this before I got here? She's deluded, that woman.
Abby: You are insane!
Gordon: Blame me all you want! Easy excuses that you're insane!
Abby: I'm insane? You're insane!
Gordon: You can't even handle the fucking truth!
Abby: That refrigerator was not like that before you got here.
Gordon: You're in denial. Flip out again!
Abby: I would NEVER allow my refrigerator to go like that!
Gordon: And those BONES?! The moldy lamb bones?!
Abby: I don't even talk to my staff like this! Why don't you get the fuck out of my restaurant?!
Gordon: You want me to go? I will go.
Abby: I would love you to go! Get the fuck out of my restaurant, please!
Gordon: YOU ARE SO IN DENIAL, YOU NEED THERAPY!!
Abby: You're a disgrace to this industry! Fuck you and get out of my restaurant! Are you still here?
Gordon: (to the cameraman) Not now, guys, please, please.
Abby: Fuck him!

Revisited: Gordon Returns 5 [4.08][edit]

Tavolini [4.09][edit]

Kingston Cafe [4.10][edit]

La Frite [4.11][edit]

Capri [4.12][edit]

Jim: Ready to get out of the business?
Jeff: No. Don't say that. (cries)
Jim: Come on, stop crying. Fucking grow up, you fag!
Jeff: Fuck you.

Narrator: Thanks to Chef Ramsay's encouragement, Jeff jumps back into the kitchen and tries to help his brother Jim.
Jeff: Keep it up Jim. You're doing a good job.
Narrator: But unfortunately, he only makes matters worse.
Gordon: [looking at a raw chicken breast] Jim, what have you done to those?
Jim: I don't know what happened to those. I really don't.
Gordon: You defrosted them in the bag?
Jim: I think I defrosted them in the bag and I...
Gordon: Jeff.
Jeff: Yeah?
Gordon: The chicken tenders. What did you do to defrost them?
Jeff: I put it on the steam table.
Gordon: You defrosted them in the steam table from frozen?
Jeff: Yeah.
Gordon: Oh my god.
Jeff: Not what you're supposed to do?
Gordon: No! Frozen food needs to be defrosted naturally.
Jim: Right.
Gordon: Give me the bag. Where's the bag? [takes the bag from Jim] Fucking shit! [opens the bag to find slimy chicken] Oh, god almighty! We can't serve them! You'll fucking kill somebody! Jim, talk to me!
Jim: What am I supposed to say? It's a mistake.
Gordon: It's a lethal mistake! Is that what I ate lunch time?
Jim: Yeah.
Gordon: Oh, fuck me! I've been feeling a little bit crap all afternoon. What are you two doing?
Jim: I fucked up.
Gordon: "I fucked up."
Jim: Well, what do you want me to say?
Gordon: I want you to step up to the plate and be a man!
Jim: I screwed up!
Gordon: You haven't told anyone yet.
Jim: (interview) He was just being a jerk! He's an ass. I'm so tired of him just pushing and pushing!
Gordon: Grow some fucking balls and take it off the menu!
Jim: (interview) I've had enough. I'm so pissed! I can only take so much before I fight back.
Jeff: (Jim steps out of the kitchen and walks into the dining room.) Jim! Jim!
Jim: Out of the way! (announcing) Ladies and gentlemen! Due to certain circumstance, we have no chicken tonight. (Gordon groans) My apology to everyone here. If you just want to have what you're eating now and leave, I understand fully and I apologize.
Gordon: Hey, there may have been a more subtle way of doing that.
Jim: Get out of my way, asshole! We cancelled all our chicken orders. We got screwed!
Gordon: Will you stop acting like a baby?
Jim: Oh, grow it out of your asshole!
Gordon: Excuse me?!
Jim: You heard it!
Gordon: Hey, you need a little diaper changing? That time of night?
Jim: I'll give you something!
Gordon: A little poo-poo? Cacked your pants?
Jim: (interview) He's the baby. He's the one that's whining over everything. I don't need to hear this crap.
Gordon: Jim, why do you have to behave like this?
Jim: I'm not going to get yelled at!
Gordon: You're acting around like a big baby. I'm just asking you to grow up a little bit! Show a little respect for what you're trying to cook.
Jim: Fuck off!
Gordon: Oh, my god! You big wet noodle! Do you want a blanket and a bottle?
Jim: Do you need one? Upside the head?
Jeff: Jim, stop it, please.
Gordon: Oh, my god. What a spoiled brat!
Jim: Fuck you!
Jeff: Jim, shut up, please! You're not helping the cause. (Jim's pan catches fire.)
Gordon: Oh, my god! Now he's setting himself on fire.
Jim: I hope so.
Gordon: (To Darian) Are they always acting this childish?
Darian: Oh, yeah. They don't get their way, they cry or throw a temper tantrum.
Gordon: Oh my god. To walk into the dining room like that and scream.
Darian: That's what I said. A temper tantrum. (interview) There's a part of me that's very satisfied to see the boys finally get what they deserve. A lesson in humility. (back in the kitchen) Hahaha!!!

[after dinner service]
Gordon: Okay, today can be summed up in one four letter word: lazy. I can't even start to help both of you when you're not even helping yourselves. I really needed you to do something. Both of you, go through your kitchen and clean it. Not your staff. You. Both of you. Got it?
Jeff and Jim: Yeah.
Gordon: Good night. Get to work. [leaves]
Jeff: (interview) We were lazy. Now we're paying for it. We're failures.
Jeff: Yay.
Jim: [sobbing while cleaning a refrigerator grate] It's making it dirtier. Can't...do this.
Jeff: What's wrong Jim?
Jim: I can't clean anything. I'm a failure. I'm making a mess. (interview) I feel bad. We are in trouble. I really don't know if we can fix it. That's the problem.
Jim: I'm not cleaning anything up.
Jeff: Go take a break Jim.
Jim: No, I can't take a break, cause I'm too lazy as it is. I'm fine. I gotta clean this up.

Jeff: By the way, we have HOMEMADE MEATBALLS!

Zeke's [4.13][edit]

Oceana [4.14][edit]

[Gordon's blackened duck has been brought back to the kitchen]
Moe: Oh, my God. [groans] It's tough?
Rami: Look how tough the duck is!
Moe: You said it's tough?
Rami: It is tough, man! Cut it! And look- I'm 500 pounds, and look... [tries to cut it]
Damon: It is not tough.
Rami: The meat is tough!
Moe: I'm hungry and I'm going to fucking eat 'em up myself.
Moe: [interview] That's my favorite dish on the menu. And that duck is not going nowhere. This is going to stay quackin' on my menu.
Moe: I don't give a shit if he doesn't like it. [takes a bite] Man, this duck is so fucking good, man.

[No one is giving Gordon a straight answer about when the duck was cooked]
Gordon: HOLY SHIT!
Moe: I know when the fucking duck was cooked! I know!
Gordon: WELL, THANK FUCK FOR THAT!!! SOLVE THE MYSTERY!
Moe: We cook the duck off the premises. And we usually cook it about once a month.
Gordon: You cook the duck off the premises?
Moe: Yes, in our commissary kitchen.
Gordon: And it stays in the fridge for a month?!
Damon: Freezer.
Gordon: OH, FUCK!

Gordon: (finding tons of pasta in the fridge) I'm trying to help you understand a method to your madness.
Damon: Hey, asshole! I'm not the one who just said it was done yesterday. I asked my prepper.
Gordon: You can call me an arsehole all you want. So get fucking angry with me.
Damon: You're standing here hearing me ask the person who knows and I gave you his answer.
Gordon: Right, who's the fucking chef around here?
Damon: I am.
Gordon: Right. Bags of jambalaya, in the fridge. Warm. Have you any idea what happens to jambalaya in the fridge when it's still warm in the center?
Chef: Grows the bacteria?
Gordon: Grows the bacteria. (finds bins of crabs) And how many crabs are you selling chef over the next fucking three months? Loss for words...Really?! Another box of crab cakes. When were these made? No date you see chef!
Moe: (interview) There was nothing but dollar signs going through my mind. Soft shell crabs, jambalaya, crawfish thrown straight down the garbage. Chef Damon just took the money right out of our pockets.
Gordon: (finds a dirty tray) I don't what you think you should be taking out of containers and sort of cleaning out your fridge from time to time. One more fucking question to you, who's the arsehole now, chef?
Damon: I am.
Gordon: I didn't come in here to humiliate you, but how DARE YOU serve me food from this disgusting fridge and STAND THERE and call me an arsehole, chef! Excuse me, chef.



[Gordon walks to where the grill is smoking]
Gordon: Who told you to put oil under there?
Chef: Damon.
Gordon: The chef? So you spray the grill with oil? (cough, cough) Fucking shit!

Moe: I NEED THIS FUCKING PLACE SCRUBBED DOWN, TOP TO BOTTOM! I WANT THE TVs WIPED! I WANT THE PIANO WIPED! I WANT THIS PLACE CLEAN! WHAT PART DON'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND?! [throws down a chair] WE JUST SHUT DOWN THE FUCKING RESTAURANT!!! TONIGHT!!! NOBODY SEEMS TO GET THAT SHIT!!! CLEAN THIS FUCKING MESS!!!

Gordon: I'm going to do some work in the kitchen. Do you have any recipes...on pen and paper?
Moe: (points to his head) Right here.
Gordon: What?!
Moe: Right here.
Gordon: So why aren't they on pen and paper? Why haven't we got a database?
Moe: I like to keep my recipes secrets. If I put them on a piece of paper, I don't want anyone to steal them.
Gordon: Fucking hell. Oh, fuck. So you're worried that somebody gets the recipe and copies it.
Moe: Anybody changes my recipe, I'm going to kill them. It's my recipe.
Gordon: Rami, help me out here. Is this for real?
Rami: This is what we do everyday chef. [Gordon laughs]
Moe: You think it's funny but believe what I tell you.
Gordon: I don't think it's funny, You're just a little bit deluded.
Moe: Well you know what? The recipes are in my head.
Gordon: (incredulously) Are you stupid?!
Moe: I am not stupid.
Rami: Moe, you are stupid. (interview) The kitchen absolutely don't know what the fuck to cook because the recipe is in Moe's head! It's crazy.
Moe: Don't call me stupid in my fucking restaurant! You understand that you need to learn how to talk to people?! This is New Orleans! You understand?!
Gordon: Wow...
Moe: This is New Orleans! Don't fucking come down here talking to us like that!
Gordon: Calm down...
Moe: I have NEVER been chewed up like you chewed me up! (in interview) We got nothing but swamp around here! Anybody who talk like that get chopped up and fed to the fucking alligators!
Gordon: I'm not here to blow smoke up your fucking arse, let me tell you that. I'm here to fix this restaurant. But you are one obstacle, aren't you?
Moe: No, I'm an easy-going guy...I listen, I work hard....
Gordon: But you're a..."busy idiot."
Moe::....I don't think he gets it that he needs to watch his language.
Rami: But you're not getting that he's here to help us.
Moe: But I'm not calling him an idiot, he's calling me an idiot.
Gordon: "Busy" idiot.
Moe: Busy idiot.
Gordon: You're working hard in the wrong places.
Moe: I mean, I feel like flipping the fucking table right now.
Rami: Did you hear what he said? He just explained it, you're working hard in the wrong places.
Moe: Busy idiot! Is he kidding me?! (in interview) I will stand up, beat the shit out of him, and show him who the fucking idiot is!
Gordon: What is it you want? A fight?
Moe: (long pause) My problem is, I want to make this restaurant successful.
Gordon: So do I. I'm here to help. I don't want to see you running around killing yourself like a busy idiot. I've just gone over the fact that we haven't got any recipes on paper, and all in your head. You're worrying about writing them down for some other chef copying them and making their restaurants more successful than yours. I'm in the real world. That's where I am. You're treating me like one of your fucking staff. Well, let me tell you, Moe, I'm not a member of your staff. Flip the table, punch me, do the fuck what you want to do. But don't fuck with me.

Rami: Busy idiot's a compliment. He's from British. He doesn't speak English.

Moe: If I don't like the changes, I will send him back to British with a black eye.

Season 5[edit]

Blackberry's [5.01][edit]

[Gordon sees a wok where Shelly's cooking her food on]
Gordon: Am I seeing right? You've got a three-burner wok there. Is that a pizza oven?
Shelly: Yes, that is my pizza oven. And the wok. I love it, chef.
Portia: (passes between Gordon and Shelly) Sorry, chef.
Gordon: Shelly, how can you cook soul food in a wok?
Shelly: Watch me, chef! Watch me!
Mateen: (interview) Soul food is supposed to be cooked slowly. Soul food is cooked with love and soul. Not in a wok. Shelly's cooking green beans in a wok, cooking rice in a wok, cabbage in a wok. We're not a Chinese soul-food restaurant. We don't need a wok, ok?
Gordon: (to Mateen) That's a first to me. A Southern food restaurant with a Chinese wok and a pizza oven?
Mateen: Yeah, the oven that doesn't work, right there.
Gordon: Tell me what's working, apart from you.

Leone's [5.02][edit]

Mike & Nellie's [5.03][edit]

Luigi's D'Italia [5.04][edit]

Gordon: Wow, it's crazy. How does the family restaurant not run as a family?
Dominica: They don't get along.
Grace: Because he doesn't belong in this restaurant. (to Luigi) Is is true, or no?
Luigi: Yeah. We have laziness, it's like an infection. What happens is, when Tony is here, and Linda's here, they have no understanding that number one is the customer. No sitting around. No looking at the TV.
Gordon: Watching TV when customers come? Is that true?
Tony: I don't -- I don't think that's true.
Grace: Tony, he don't care about the customer. He wants to sit and play the computer.
Tony: I care about this restaurant. Now, honestly...
Grace: No. He play with the computer here, come on!
Luigi: The complaints say the people feel neglected.
Tony: But the complaints, like, "I don't want to come here when she's there!"
Gordon: Customers that don't want to come when you're working? What's that all about?
Grace: I don't know.
Gordon: I was just asking. I'm listening.
Tony: She's got people that she kisses ass, and they love her. She's got other people that gets blunt in her face, and hate her. Is it right to basically go up to the customer and say, "Fuck you! Get the fuck out of here"?
Grace: NO! I DIDN'T SAY THAT! I DIDN'T SAY, "FUCK YOU!" NOW TELL THAT IS BULLSHIT, OKAY? SAY THE TRUTH!
Tony: That's what you said.
Grace: NO! I DIDN'T SAY, "FUCK YOU!"
Linda: (to Gordon) This is what happens.
Grace: Yeah, yeah, yeah. (to Gordon) You tell, I did it right or did it wrong?
Gordon: I'm just trying to figure out what happened. I mean, I wasn't here. Did she say, "Fuck you"? Did she not say, "Fuck you"?
Tony: I thought she did.
Luigi: She said that to you.
Tony: Oh, yes, she did.
Gordon: What did you hear?
Luigi: She didn't say that. She said that to you! You forget!
Tony: No, no. She got into...
Luigi: Why are you forgetful? YOU GOT TO BE HONEST!
Tony: I'm being honest!
Luigi: You want this guy (Gordon) to help you, or not?
Tony: I'm trying to get him to help me!
Luigi: Then, you got to say what it is!
Tony: I AM!
Luigi: NO, YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE LYING!
Tony: I'M NOT LYING! YOU GUYS ARE LYING!
Luigi: "I think she said, 'Fuck you!'" YOU THINK OR SHE DID?
Grace: OKAY! ALL RIGHT!
Tony: SHE DID SAY, "FUCK YOU!"
Luigi: WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE TO TALK?! We are losing the business...
Grace: (points at Tony) BECAUSE OF HIM!!! BECAUSE OF HIM!!!
Tony: (to Gordon) See, that's why we don't get along.

Revisited: Gordon Returns 6 [5.05][edit]

Greek at the Harbor [5.06][edit]

Burger Kitchen (Part 1) [5.07][edit]

Gordon: [reads menu] Executive chef... David Blaine?
Alan: Yes.
Gordon: What, the magician?
Alan: No, no, no, he's not the magician. He's just coincidentally the same name. He was the head pastry chef at the Peninsula Hotel.
Gordon: Now he's the executive chef of the burger restaurant?
Alan: Yes.
Gordon: David Copperfield your dessert chef?
Alan: [humorlessly] No.

David: I follow the recipes as I am told by the owners and if I try to change the recipes, I am tossed out of here.
Gordon: What?!
Alan: That's not quite true.
David: It's not true?
Gordon: Come on, guys, man up.
David: [mutters] Been drinking again.
Gordon: Drinking again?
Gen: My husband doesn't drink.
David: I don't know. I don't know. I can't get the truth out of anybody here.
Gordon: Explain this to me, Gen.
Gen: He does have a lot of control in the kitchen.
David: That's not true, chef.
Gen: What about the mushrooms? You changed the whole recipe and you added wine.
David: You didn't want salt on the mushrooms. Let's tell the truth.
Gen: Did you add wine to the mushroom recipe?
David: That's how you make sautéed mushrooms.
Gen: I just asked you a question. Did you add wine?
David: Yes, ma'am.
Gen: You didn't tell anyone that you added wine to the mushrooms.
Alan: Honey, you're missing the point. You're focusing on a mushroom.
Gen: Mushrooms are important to me. I'm from Poland.
[Gordon shakes his head in disbelief]
David: I think a lot of the problem is, instead of putting sugar in that coffee, put a little Prozac in it.
Gen: David, I just want the truth.
David: This is the truth: I would be better off as a brain surgeon than you running this restaurant.

David: That Gen is a liar, dude. She can't tell the truth.
Chef: She's crazy.
David: The whole place should be on fuck LSD, man.

Burger Kitchen (Part 2) [5.08][edit]

Michon's [5.09][edit]

El Greco [5.10][edit]

Revisited: Gordon Returns 7 [5.11][edit]

Park's Edge [5.12][edit]

[During prep for relaunch night]
Jorge: Okay, so you do the frying station.
Matt: I will not cook a chicken wing.
Jorge: What's that?
Matt: I do not feel comfortable frying a chicken wing unless she wants to put on a pair of orange shorts and serve it.
Jorge: They're here to train us. Are you going to turn around and give them a hard time? Check yourself before you check them out, okay? Not going to happen again. (interview) He has this huge ego about frying chicken. It's really irrelevant. He're here to do what I tell him to do, not what he wants to do.
[Jorge and Richard bring Matt outside to talk with Gordon]
Gordon: What's going on?
Matt: You put a bunch of fucking chicken wings on the menu and somebody ought to fucking put on some orange shorts out there and serve it.
Gordon: Okay, so how about a little bit of respect and showing these two guys?
Matt: Well how about fucking respect a fine dining restaurant and not fucking put chicken wings on the menu?
Gordon: A fine dining restaurant?
Jorge: Are you fucking listening to us?
Gordon: Who the fuck do you think you are?
Matt: Who do you think I am? A guy who knows when a menu sucks!
Gordon: How dare you get jumped up and tell the owners that the menu's shit because you think you know better? Well, why aren't you doing better? Why haven't you got a restaurant? How about having the intelligence to calm down and to start again?
Jorge: Is that possible? Yes or no?
Matt: It's possible.
Richard: Will you do it? Yes or no?
Matt: Yes.
Richard: Thank you.

Spin A Yarn [5.13][edit]

Charlie's [5.14][edit]

Gordon: (to Tatiana about bad meatballs) What's your complaint about the meatballs?
Tatiana: He said it was toasted on one side, not toasted on the other.
Gordon: Right, why don't you tell your fucking chef?!
Casimiro: Okay, you cook it!
Gordon: Now's he's getting upset with me because I called him out. When a guy can't make a meatball or even season one, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. And then when I watch a chef that cooks and sticks food up there and holds it, and we're not talking homemade food, we're talking bought in store made bought. My god, it hurts.
Casimiro: Okay, you cook it!
Gordon: And look at that for a stinking attitude! Look at that! A disgusting attitude! Ask him to put his house in the fucking mix. If his house was on the line, he wouldn't be cooking like a fucking idiot! (Casimiro laughs) Now he thinks it's funny!
Tatiana: What the fuck are we going to do?
Gordon: You think it's funny? Yeah? It's a joke!

Cafe Hon [5.15][edit]

Chiarella's [5.16][edit]

Zocalo [5.17][edit]

Season 6[edit]

La Galleria 33 (Part 1) [6.01][edit]

La Galleria 33 (Part 2) [6.02][edit]

Mama Maria's [6.03][edit]

Ms. Jean's Southern Cuisine [6.04][edit]

[Gordon has been served a pork chop so dry that he sets it upright on the plate]
Gordon: How sad is that? Honestly, come on. How...fucking...depressing...is that? It's like the map of America. [points around the pork chop] Start on the East Coast. There's California, where that little dark spot is. Come to central, Midwest. Then we have Seattle. We're here. [points] Pittsburgh. God bless America. [swats at a fly] Fuck off, fly.

Barefoot Bob's [6.05][edit]

Revisited #8 [6.06][edit]

Olde Hitching Post [6.07][edit]

Levanti's Italian Restaurant [6.08][edit]

Sam's Mediterranean Kabob Room [6.09][edit]

Nino's Italian Restaurant [6.10][edit]

Mill Street Bistro Part 1 [6.11][edit]

Mill Street Bistro Part 2 [6.12][edit]

Joe: [starts making an elk quesadilla] Do you want to see how we make this crap?
Gordon: I haven't got the appetite Joe.
Joe: I know because you wouldn't come over here and say "Don't get it that crispy." or "Don't do that with it."
Gordon: What the fuck are you on? What the fuck are you on? I won't come over here saying "Get that a bit crispy." An elk quesadilla that you want confirmation that it's a fucking good dish? When are you going to pull your head out of your arsehole?! For a man who stands there and boasts at his fucking farm and his goats and you want me to talk about this?! Seriously?! Wake up Joe! You're joking aren't you?
Joe: We're making these two these. You know what I'm saying? I know you don't like the dish.
Gordon: It's disgusting Joe!
Joe: So you wouldn't give me any input on it?
Gordon: Get rid of it!
Joe: You want me to get rid of it right fucking now?!
Gordon: I would! I would!
Joe: You're in a fuck! We don't have it!
Gordon: Oh here we go! Here we go!
Joe: We don't have it!
Gordon: Here we fucking go!
Joe: Make yourself clear.
Gordon: Stop asking such ridiculous questions! "Come over here and tell me it's crispy."! ARE YOU THAT STUPID?!!
Joe: Don't fucking serve the thing right?
Gordon: WHO'S RESTAURANT IS IT?!!
Joe: It's my fucking restaurant!
Gordon: THEN ASK!! WHO'S RESPONSIBLE?!!
Joe: I'm asking for fucking help!
Gordon: THEN WAKE UP!!!
Joe: YOU WAKE UP!!
Gordon: IDIOT!!
Joe: Fucking come in here and help me instead of running your jaw!!
Gordon: YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE IN THE KITCHEN! GET OUT!! GET OUT!! (to Tom) Let's finish it. Finish it. (to Joe) FUCK OFF THEN!!
Joe: Fuck off!
Gordon: (throws the quesadillas on the floor) Yeah, and take that shit with you! That's right, we're stopping an elk quesadilla! Breaking news in Mexico!
Joe: That's not what I'm asking!
Gordon: GET OUT!!! Now we got rid of the fucking problem. Unbelievable. Unfucking real.

Yanni's (6.13)[edit]