Last Action Hero
- To be... or not to be? [shoots badguy] Not to be.
- Big mistake.
- You've seen these movies where they say "make my day" or "I'm your worst nightmare"? Well, listen to this one: rubber baby buggy bumpers!
- I'm the hero. So SHUT UP!!!
- [To Danny Madigan] I must warn you, I've killed people smarter and younger than you.
- [Directly to the audience] If God were a villain - he'd be me.
- [At school, Danny Madigan is daydreaming of Arnold Schwarzenegger as Hamlet; he is confronting Claudius about the death of his father]
- Hamlet: [lights a cigar] Hey, Claudius....you killed my father.
- [Hamlet picks Claudius up.]
- Hamlet: [smug] Big mistake.
- [He hurls him, screaming, through a window]
- Narrator: Something is rotten in the state of Denmark! And, Hamlet is taking out the trash!
- [Hamlet is shown killing people with skulls and swords]
- Old Man: Stay thy hand, fair prince!
- Hamlet: Who said I'm fair? [produces a submachine gun and shoots him, plus several other soldiers]
- Narrator: No one is going to tell this sweet prince goodnight!
- Hamlet: To be...or not be. [lights a cigar] Not to be.
- [An explosion occurs behind him]
- Benedict: I understand you are interested in drug dealers.
- Jack Slater: Yes...
- Danny Madigan: [whispering] Jack, that's him, the henchman with the glass eye.
- Jack Slater: Sir, are you a henchman?
- Benedict: No, I only go as far as lackey. Anything else?
- Jack Slater: Yeah, take off your sunglasses.
- Benedict: Who's asking?
- Jack Slater: [shows police badge] The tin man.
- Benedict: Well, tin man, suppose you hit the bricks.
- Jack Slater: Nah, they're the wrong color.
- Benedict: Are they? Oh dear, by all means let's change them. Would arterial red suit you? [motions to behind Jack and Danny]
[reveal to guard dogs]
- Benedict: Make no mistake, they are exceptionally well-trained. [snaps fingers]
[reveal to guard dogs again, now formed in a pyramid]
- Benedict: I snap my fingers again and sometime tomorrow, you emerge from several canine recta. Or you and Toto can go back to the land of Oz. Questions?
- Jack Slater: Yeah... two of them. [casually lights cigar] Why am I wasting my time on a dimestore putz like you, when I could be doing something more dangerous... like rearranging my sock drawers? And two - how exactly are you going to snap your fingers, after I rip off both of your thumbs?
[guard dogs whimper]
- Benedict: [pausing before revealing smiley-face glass eye] Have a nice day.
- [Benedict has drawn his revolver on his own boss after Slater thwarts his plans again]
- Tony Vivaldi: What is this, Benedict? First you're my friend, now you turn a... [makes twirling motion with finger] 360 on me?!
- Benedict: 180, you stupid spaghetti-slurping cretin! 180! If I did a 360, I'd go completely around and end up back where I started.
- Tony Vivaldi: [confused] ... what?
- Benedict: Trust me. [shoots Vivaldi]
- Ripper: Hey, Jack. What kept you?
- Jack Slater: Are you alright, Danny?
- Danny Madigan: Yes, sir.
- Ripper: You know, I tried to change, Jack. I really tried to do what he told me. But I kept hearing that old music. That's how I knew you'd come, Jack. Now lose the piece.
- Jack Slater: [throws gun away] There, now it's between you and me. Let the boy go.
- Ripper: Now we've played this number before haven't we, Jack? Let's see, what comes next.... You throw the gun away. Right, we did that part... [lays down axe] Then you tell me to let the kid go... Ah, I'm getting bored, why don't we just skip to the end? [tosses Danny off the building]
- This isn't the movies anymore.
- Did Someone Say Action?
- Arnold Schwarzenegger as Jack Slater
- Austin O'Brien as Danny Madigan
- Charles Dance as Benedict
- Anthony Quinn as Tony Vivaldi
- Bridgette Wilson as Whitney Slater
- Mercedes Ruehl as Irene Madigan
- F. Murray Abraham as John Practice
- Tom Noonan as Ripper