Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography

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Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography (2002)
by Lemony Snicket (akaDaniel Handler)
A metafiction about a fictional author and his series of books, A Series of Unfortunate Events. Although it is labeled "Unauthorized" for humor, the book is an official spin-off book of the series and sometimes considered the fourteenth book.


  • As the official representative of Lemony Snicket in all legal, literary, and social matters, I am often asked difficult questions, even when I am in a hurry. Recently, the most common questions have been the following:

1. Will you please get out of my way?

2. Where did Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography come from?

The replies to both of these questions are very long stories, so there is only room to answer one of them. — Daniel Handler

  • Dear Dairy, — Lemony Snicket
  • I didn't realize this was a sad occasion. — Waiter at The Anxious Clown Restaurant
  • Why do so many things end in fire? — Lemony Snicket
  • What can be hidden in a book? — Lemony Snicket
  • On the day you officially join the organization, you will hear a noise outside your home. It may sound like the howl of a wolf, the chirping of a cricket, the engine of an automobile, the keys of a typewriter, the striking of a match, or the turning of a page. The noise will come in the middle of the night, the middle of the morning, or, in very rare cases, late in the afternoon. Ask your parents what the noise was. If they reply 'nothing,' they are replying in code, because there is never 'nothing' outside one's home. If you are interested in volunteering, answer your parents with the following question: 'If there's nothing out there, what was that noise?' We will be listening, and will know it is safe to act. — V.F.D.
  • As the aphorism says, "If you have to ask, you can't afford it." — Veritable French Diner


  • Snicket, Lemony. Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography. HarperCollins, 1st edition, May 7, 2002, 240 pp. ISBN 0060007192.