Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman

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Lois and Clark (1993-1997) was a live-action television series about the adventures of Superman with a focus on the lives of Lois Lane and Clark Kent.

Contents

Season One[edit]

Pilot (1)[edit]

Lucy: I just hate to see you sitting at home.
Lois: I get out plenty. I have dates.
Lucy: You have interviews. It's not the same thing. Lois, I just want you to meet a super guy.

Lois: Kent is a hack from Smallville. I couldn't make that name up.
Perry: Kent or nobody.
Lois: Fine. Don't ever say that I'm not a team player.

Pilot (2)[edit]

Superman: Like any other citizen of the planet, I must obey the law. I am not above it. You, it seems, believe you are.
Lex Luthor: I hold a certain position in this city.
Superman: Yes. And there is nothing that would please me more than to see you dethroned and behind bars like any common criminal. That day will come.
Lex Luthor: Well, I trust not. But, as they say, let the games begin.

Strange Visitor[edit]

Cop: Either the machine is broken again, or this reporter is so mild-mannered, he hasn't got a pulse!

Cat: Chief, it is horrible the way they're treating us. See that agent over there? He frisked me . . . twice!

Lois: Clark, you can do the horizontal rhumba with the entire Met-Net cheerleading squad for all I care, just keep your hands off my copy.

Clark: Look, somehow everybody thinks that we were hanging from the chandeliers wearing black leather the other night.
Cat: Ummm. Well, we were interrupted.

Lois: You are so weird. Works for you though.

Perry: Lois, Lois, what happened?
Lois: Before or after we were thrown out of the plane?
Perry: Air - airplane?

Neverending Battle[edit]

Clark: Nine hundred and fifty?
Landlord: You want cheap, go back to Iowa.
Clark: Kansas.

Landlord: Quietest building in Metropolis. You married?
Clark: No.
Landlord: Girlfriend?
Clark: No.
Landlord: Boyfriend?

I'm Looking Through You[edit]

Alan Morris/The Invisible Man: It's very simple, Ms. Lane. I became invisible... to become visible again.

Clark Kent: (to Lois) Superman? On TV? I don't think so.

Superman: You don't need to bid for my attention, Lois.
Lois: You saw me there? I didn't think you noticed. I thought I was just another face in the crowd.
Superman: You will always be special to me, Lois.
Lois: I will?
Superman: You're the first woman who ever . . . interviewed me.

Requiem for a Superhero[edit]

Lois: Partners?
Perry: You and Kent. The experience of the battle-scarred veteran paired with the hunger of the exciting, fresh talent.
Lois: I am not that scarred, and he is not that exciting.

I've Got a Crush on You[edit]

Lois: You rotten back-stabbing piece of slime! You know some people might be fooled by that innocent boyish exterior but not me, not anymore.
Clark: Tea, Lois? It's a calming, herbal blend.

Lois: You could've said that we were sharing some fleeting moment of passion, but no you couldn't think of that could you!
Clark: Well, I'll remember that the next time we're in a closet together.
Lois: He's a man. I'm a woman. Do you want me to draw you a diagram?

Perry:(To Clark) If you went up there to those windows and told me you could fly, I'd back you up. I'd miss you, but I'd back you up.

Smart Kids[edit]

Lois: Seems to me if your real parents don't care enough to raise you why give it a second thought?
Clark: Because if they gave you away they must have had a reason, and it's that not knowing that kills you.
Lois: Good . . . you stick to the touchy feely stuff and I'll concentrate on Superman.

Lois: I've seen that pig before.

Amy: Of course it's a pig. Haven't you ever seen a pig before? Not very smart is she?

Lois: You took advantage of our priviledged interview session to steal highly incriminating evidence from an unsuspecting subject. Oh! I love that! Mmmm!

Lois: Three more people are claiming to be the President's brother.
Perry: Boy, his father was a busy man.

The Green, Green Glow of Home[edit]

Lois:(On Clark's father) Betcha he's a crossdresser!

Clark: I don't know, Mom. Lois thinks he may be a cross-dresser.
Martha: Oh, honey! That's Clark's father. He won't buy 'me' a dress, let alone one for himself.

The Man of Steal Bars[edit]

Clark: I just wanted to say goodbye.
Lois: Goodbye?! We're partners.
Clark: You don't need a partner Lois, you never did.
Lois: Well, maybe not, but I was starting to like having one.

Clark: That's not how you spell 'aquifer.'
Lois: Easy Kent, you CAN be replaced . . . I was already starting to look.

Lois: Did you really think I hadn't figured out what it with you and Superman?
Clark: What do you mean?
Lois: You idolize the man.

Jonathan: Well, then, where are you gonna go?
Clark: I don't know yet. Just away from the people that I love the most.

Pheromone, My Lovely[edit]

Perry: What do you wanna lead off on, the counter-revolution in Russia?
Clark: I believe that's a counter-counter-revolution chief.
Perry: Well, who can keep track these days.

Clark: Haven’t you ever played hooky before, Lois?

[Lois sits at her desk, staring at Clark. Unconsciously, she starts unbuttoning the first two buttons of her blouse. Clark, hunched over his computer, fails to notice. Lois pulls out a compact, puts some lipstick on, then gets up, and very sexily strolls over to Clark's desk, sits on the edge of it, crosses her legs, hiking up her skirt in the process.]
Lois: [singsong] Clark. [Clark continues typing into his work processor.]
Clark: Just a sec, Lois. I... [Then, Clark sees the leg, looks slowly up to the unbuttoned blouse, the strange, dreamy-eyed expression on Lois's face.]
Lois: What'cha working on?
Clark: The dock strike. You know, the two sides really aren't that far apart.
Lois: [moving closer, huskily] How far apart are they, really?
Clark: Lois... are you feeling okay?
Lois: Never better. [moving even closer] I just... couldn't help noticing how very... handsome you look today.
Clark: Handsome?
Lois: Very.
Clark: [laughing] Oh. I get it. What do you want? Research? Your VCR fixed? A ride to the airport? A Blind date for your...
Lois: No. I don't want anything. Except... you.

Clark: Lois! Please! Get a grip!
Lois: Believe me, I’d love to!

Lois: Did I really do the dance of the seven veils?
Clark: All seven of them!

Clark: I guess I'm not attracted to you.
Lois: Liar, you are so attracted to me!

Lois: Lex wasn't quite himself last night.
Clark: Well that must have been a welcome change.

Jimmy: The name’s Olsen, James Olsen.

Jimmy: You like what you see, I like what I see, so shall we say cocktails? Tomorrow? Your place?

[Lois sees Superman with a wistful, dreamy, almost hypnotized look on her face, her arms to her sides.]
Lois: Superman! [She rushes up to him, sighing, her hair bobbing, and with a huge amorous smile on her face. It is clear she is aroused at this moment, as evidenced by the significant increase in the size of her already engorged breasts, which bulge out of her white blouse and bob as she runs. Even though she is not on the pheromone, it is clear that most of her inhibitions have been lowered, and only the slightest stimulus will get rid of them completely.] It's a good thing that stuff doesn't have any effect on you. [Suddenly, a look of concern flashes over her dim-witted face.] Or does it? [Superman thinks about this for a moment, turns his back to Lois, breaks into a smile, then loses it and turns back to Lois. During this time, the look of concern on Lois's face has lessened slightly but is still there, along with a hint of a smile. She curiously stares at Superman as he turns his back to her but is too stupid to notice he is smiling and that he is faking.]
Superman: Lois Lane. I love you. [Lois's luscious, full, and red mouth drops open in surprise. This is what she has always wanted to hear from him. Superman knows Lois is his for the taking. She always was. Lois speaks to him in a sexy, excited, and happy voice.]
Lois: Oh, Superman! You don't know how long I have waited to hear you say those words. [A look of frustration comes over Lois's face as she is too dim-witted to realize Superman is putting her on.] Oh, but you're not yourself! So I couldn't take advantage of the situation. [As usual, Lois's inhibitions are always in the way, so Superman lowers them. He blows a whiff of the perfume in Lois's face. She doesn't notice, and she breathes it in unconsciously, her bosom heaving as she does. The effect on Lois is immediate and amazing. All concern and frustration in her face and eyes vanishes, and a sappy, happy, and lovesick expression comes over her, and her voice becomes cheerful, reflecting her sexual aggression.] Oh, what the heck! [She throws herself into Superman's arms with her eyes closed, grabbing his cheeks and neck, and starts kissing Superman passionately. She is a phenomenal kisser. It is amazing what this normally prudish ice queen is capable of when properly stimulated. Superman has successfully deactivated Lois's worse character trait (her mind) and enhanced her best one (her sexual prowess).]

Honeymoon in Metropolis[edit]

Clark: There's no such word as chumpy.
Lois: Sure there is. Someone's a chump, therefore he's chumpy!
Clark: Try again.
Lois: Are you challenging me?
Clark: You bet your sweet little chumpy I am!

Perry: Okay you guys . . .
Lois: Guys?
Perry: You and Clark.
Lois: Did you say Clark?
Clark: I heard him say Clark.
Jimmy: Definitely Clark.
Cat: Definitely.

Clark: We flip for the bed.
Lois: How about I get the bed, I lend you a pillow?
Clark: How about we alternate nights?
Lois: How about we don’t.
Clark: Well, it’s a big bed, how about we share?
Lois: How about we alternate nights?
Clark: Deal.

Jonathan: Well, uh . . . Clark, is there anything you’d like to tell us?
Clark: Not really, things are going pretty smoothly, assuming Lois keeps her end of the bargin and lets me have my turn in the bedroom tonight.

All Shook Up[edit]

Witness[edit]

Illusions of Grandeur[edit]

The Ides of Metropolis[edit]

Foundling[edit]

The Rival[edit]

Vatman[edit]

Fly Hard[edit]

Barbarians at the Planet[edit]

The House of Luthor[edit]

Season Two[edit]

Madame Ex[edit]

Lois: A lot of people have tried to get me on a couch and after all this time, I don't think I'm going to start with a psychiatrist.

Lois: You still think I'm crazy?
Clark: I think you're brilliant. But there is a fine line between brilliance and lunacy.

Wall of Sound[edit]

The Source[edit]

The Prankster[edit]

Church of Metropolis[edit]

Operation Blackout[edit]

That Old Gang of Mine[edit]

A Bolt from the Blue[edit]

Season's Greedings[edit]

Metallo[edit]

Chi of Steel[edit]

The Eyes Have It[edit]

The Phoenix[edit]

Top Copy[edit]

Return of the Prankster[edit]

Lucky Leon[edit]

Resurrection[edit]

Tempus Fugitive[edit]

Tempus: Hello. Duh! Clark Kent is Superman!
Clark: Superman is what I can do. Clark is who I am.

Target: Jimmy Olsen![edit]

Individual Responsibility[edit]

Whine, Whine, Whine[edit]

Lois Lane: He doesn't love you, Elise. You can tell when a man loves you by the way he treats you, by the way he looks at you, by the way...
Elise Carr: Look, Ms. Lane, if you've found the perfect man, then I'm happy for you.
Lois Lane: No, he's about as far from perfect as you get, but I'll tell you the difference between him and Calvin. I know that he wants my happiness more than his own.

And the Answer Is...[edit]

Season Three[edit]

...We Have a Lot to Talk About[edit]

Ordinary People[edit]

Contact[edit]

When Irish Eyes Are Killing[edit]

Just Say Noah[edit]

Don't Tug on Superman's Cape[edit]

Ultra Woman[edit]

Chip Off the Old Clark[edit]

Super Mann[edit]

Virtually Destroyed[edit]

Home is Where the Hurt Is[edit]

Never on Sunday[edit]

The Dad Who Came in from the Cold[edit]

Lois: You won't believe what I got on the mail today - a flyer from the Winky-Tink pre-school. You see, this store where we're registered for wedding gifts sold our names, and now I'm getting bombarded with junk mail.

Clark: Huh. (casually dries a plate with his heat vision)

Lois: (sarcastically) Don't wear yourself out.

Clark: Pre-school? We don't even get married for three more weeks.

Lois: Well, Winky-Tink says now's the time: they've got a five-year waiting list and they require a two hundred dollar deposit.

Clark: Do they also require a child?

Lois: Just money.


Bud Collins (gasping and close to death) Superman...did anybody tell you you look just like Clark Kent, only..without the...glasses? (dies)


Sweet Tart: (pointing a gun at Lois and Superman) OK, let's hold it right there.

Superman: New in town?


Trevanian: (sips wine and spits it out)

Sweet Tart: (sips wine and spits it out)

Trevanian: Swill!

Sweet Tart: Swill!

Trevanian: (offers wine to Jack Olsen)

Jack Olsen: No, that's all right. I'm sure it's swill.


Lois: Whatever's in here is locked in the computer's memory...and it's in code to boot.

Perry White: Well, you know they have a couple of those data-recovery outfits here in town...

Clark: Uh, Chief, this material's way too sensitive.

Lois: We need somebody we can trust...somebody who knows RAM chips from...

Jimmy Olsen: (with a box in hand) ...Strudel?

Perry White: Ask, and ye shall receive.

Tempus Anyone?[edit]

Alternate Clark: Are you always like this?

Lois: Sorry, I-I'm a little high-strung.

Alternate Clark: Lady, you're a Stradivarius.


Alternate Clark: One man can't really make a difference, no matter what kind of powers he has.

Lois: I know things are different here, I know you're different, but trust me, powers or no powers, one man can change any world.


H. G. Wells: The explosive device...

Tempus: One man is ready to lay down his life to save a world...and that man is me.

H. G. Wells: ...it's ticking. It's going to explode.

Tempus: What?!

H. G. Wells: The bomb is going to explode!!

Tempus: It's ticking?

H. G. Wells: Yes!

Tempus: It's gonna blow!

H. G. Wells: I said that!


H. G. Wells: I loathe this sort of behaviour, but you leave one little choice! (stamps on Tempus' foot and hits him on the back of the neck - the bomb starts beeping loudly) Oh, my God!!


H. G. Wells: I must say, my boy, I envy you.

Alternate Superman: Me? Why?

H. G. Wells: With every eye upon you, every breath held in anticipation, you hold in your hands a world waiting to be shaped.

Alternate Superman: I'm just not sure that I can...

H. G. Wells: ...that you can take on such great responsibility? What do you think Shakespeare meant when he wrote, "In apprehension, how like a god?" It's not that gods are anxious about their responsibilities. but with such great weight comes great understanding. Trust that, Clark, and trust that you've found your true destiny and that in you a once hopeless world has found its future. Good luck to you.


H. G. Wells: He's quite a man, the Clark Kent of this world.

Lois: I just wish he didn't have to be alone.

H. G. Wells: The hardest lesson is that love can be so fair to some, and so cruel to others, even those who would be gods.

I Now Pronounce You.....[edit]

Clark: (floating in mid-air, watching a football game) Yes!

(the 'phone rings - Clark drifts across and picks up)

Clark: Hello?

Lois: Oh, Clark, you're there. It's horrible. It's terrible...

Clark: Lois?!

(He flies off to Lois' apartment in a blur)

Clark/Superman: What's the matter?!

Lois: Oh! You scared me.

Clark/Superman: You said something horrible was happening.

Lois: (frantically babbling) Oh. No, uh, no it's just that, oh, well, we're getting marred in four days and I've never been happier in my life and every time that things are gong great between us, something happens, and I just know that something bad is going to happen to mess up our wedding. I just know it!

Clark/Superman: That's it?

Lois: Well...yeah.

Clark/Superman: Lois, nothing's going to happen. You're just nervous, that's all. So am I.

Lois: Really?

Clark/Superman: Well, not as nervous as you, but sure...

Double Jeopardy[edit]

Seconds[edit]

Forget Me Not[edit]

Oedipus Wrecks[edit]

It's a Small World After All[edit]

Through a Glass, Darkly[edit]

Big Girls Don't Fly[edit]

Season Four[edit]

Lord of the Flys[edit]

Battleground Earth[edit]

Swear to God, This Time We're Not Kidding[edit]

Soul Mates[edit]

Tempus: Don't tell me that's what the Saxons are wearing these days.

Brutal Youth[edit]

The People vs. Lois Lane[edit]

Dead Lois Walking[edit]

Bob and Carol and Lois and Clark[edit]

Ghosts[edit]

Stop the Presses[edit]

'Twas the Night Before Mxymas[edit]

Lethal Weapon[edit]

Sex, Lies and Videotape[edit]

Meet John Doe[edit]

Barrett: Lets go over it one more time...
Tempus: Can we move this along, I'm breaking out this morning.
Barrett: Yes. You believe that a peace keeper from the future will arrive on this date to...
Tempus: Extradite me back to the future to face punishment for the crimes committed in various time zones.
Barrett: So I gather that you still believe you're from the future.
Tempus: Duh.

Barrett: Mr. Tempus, assuming that this is all true, why would you admit it to me.
Tempus: Because you are, in a word, "loony tunes."
Barrett: Loony tunes is two words.

Security Guard (Malcolm): Hey, this area is restricted.
Tempus: As well it should be. Do you realize that this satellite relay station is up linked to every long distance carrier in the country?

Tempus: Malcolm, you will go to the window. At exactly twelve-noon you will be overcome with the irresistible urge to take a flying leap out of that window.
Malcolm: Gotta go. Gonna jump to my death soon. Buh-bye.

Lane: Well, this year alone I have been shot at, strapped to explosives, and electrocuted. If anyone needs a will made out, its me.

Tempus: Attention all registered voters, John Doe is a darn nice guy.

White: I want an exclusive on this. I wanna find out what makes this man tick, what he stands for, and most of all, why is he such a darn nice guy.

Tempus: The Amish are not your friends. They are anti John Doe. Boycott their quilts, they're overpriced and the workmanship is shoddy anyway. Oh, and John Doe is a darn nice guy.

Lane: I know two things right now, Tempus is evil and has to be stopped and John Doe is a darn nice guy.

Lane: Mr. President, we have reason to believe that John Doe is...
The President: ... a darn nice guy. I can't disagree. Hell, even I voted for him.

Lois and Clarks[edit]

AKA Superman[edit]

(Clark stops, realising something.)
Lois: There's a crisis. What is it? Bank robbery? Terrorist strike? Meteor headed for Earth?
Clark: Ribbon cutting.
Lois: Sorry?
__________________
Clark: Sorry I'm late.
Lois: Golf, huh?
Clark: Yeah... it was charity game, Lois. Superman could hardly say 'no.'
Lois: Doesn't seem to be in his vocabulary.
__________________
Paladin: Captain McBride was to take an outmoded weather satellite out of service. With six thousand manmade objects floating around out there, it's pretty crowded.
Clark: (to himself) Tell me about it.

Faster Than A Speeding Vixen[edit]

Shadow of A Doubt[edit]

Voice From The Past[edit]

I've Got You Under My Skin[edit]

Toy Story[edit]

The Family Hour[edit]

Cast[edit]

External links[edit]