Love Actually

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Love Actually is a 2003 film that follows the lives of eight very different couples in dealing with their love lives in various loosely and interrelated tales all set during a frantic month before Christmas in London, England.

Written and directed by Richard Curtis.
Coming soon actually. Taglines


Contents

[edit] Prime Minister

  • Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around.
  • [on the phone to his sister] I'm very busy and important. How can I help you?
  • [on being introduced to Terence, the head of the Downing Street staff] I had an uncle called Terence once. Hated him. Think he was a pervert. But I very much like the look of you.
  • Who do you have to screw around here to get a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit?
  • [after realizing he has feelings for Natalie] Oh, no. That is so inconvenient.
  • I'd like to go to Wandsworth. The dodgy end.
  • [to a portrait of Margaret Thatcher] Did you ever have this kind of problem? Yeah - of course you did, you saucy minx.
  • [referring to Natalie] Oooooo, would we call her chubby?

[edit] Billy Mack

  • [having just sung the words "Love is all around me" instead of "Christmas is all around me" yet again] Oh! Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!
  • Yes I have, Ant or Dec.
  • Oh.Hiya kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don't buy drugs..... Become a pop star, and they give you them for free!
  • [during a radio interview] ... so if you believe in Christmas, children, like your uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record...
  • [Billy's record makes #1 at Christmas; he gets a phone call] Hello? Elton! Of course. Of, of course! Send an embarrassingly big car and I'll be there!
  • When I was young, I was greedy and foolish, and now I'm left with no one. Wrinkled and alone.
  • I left Elton John's, where there were a hefty number of half-naked chicks with their mouths open, to hang out with you, at Christmas. It's a terrible mistake, Chubs, but you turn out to be the fucking love of my life. And to be honest, despite all my complaining, we have had a wonderful life.
  • Now let's get pissed and watch porn.

[edit] Colin Frissell

  • I'm on Shag Highway heading West.
  • American girls would seriously dig me with my cute British accent.
  • I am Colin, God of Sex. I'm just on the wrong continent, that's all.
  • Beautiful muffin for a beautiful lady.
  • Watch out America, here comes Colin Frissell! [pauses and turns, holding his hands out as if describing a large fish] ... And he's got a big knob!
  • Try my lovely nuts.
  • Stateside I am Prince William without the weird family.

[edit] Sam

  • But you know the thing about romance is people only get together right at the very end.
  • Let us go get the shit kicked out of us by love.

[edit] Daniel

  • Tell her that you love her. You've got nothing to lose, and you'll always regret it if you don't.
  • You've seen the films, kiddo. It ain't over 'til it's over.
  • [at his wife's funeral] Jo and I had a lot of time to prepare for this moment. Some of her requests - for instance, that I should bring Claudia Schiffer as my date to the funeral - I am confident she expected me to ignore.
  • [at his wife's funeral] When she first mentioned what was about to happen, I said, "Over my dead body." And she said, "No, Daniel, over mine..."

[edit] Karen

  • True love lasts a lifetime.
  • [to Daniel] Get a grip, people hate sissies. No one's ever going to shag you if you cry all the time.
  • Now which doll shall we give Daisy's little friend Emily? The one that looks like a transvestite or the one that looks like a dominatrix?
  • The trouble with being the Prime Minister's sister is it does put your life into rather harsh perspective. What did my brother do today? He stood up and fought for his country. And what did I do? I made a paper-maché lobster head.
  • There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?

[edit] Jamie

  • I love you even when you're sick and look disgusting.
  • [trying to make conversation with Aurelia, who doesn't understand a word] No, right. Silence is golden. As the Tremeloes said. Clever guys. Although I think the original version was by, uh, Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. Great, great, great band. [hums "Silence is Golden"] Oh, shut up.

[edit] Mark

  • [to Juliet, on sheets of poster board] With any luck, by next year - I'll be going out with one of these girls. [shows pictures of beautiful supermodels] But for now, let me say - Without hope or agenda - Just because it's Christmas - And at Christmas you tell the truth - To me, you are perfect - And my wasted heart will love you - Until you look like this [picture of a mummy] Merry Christmas.
  • I'm glad it was helpful. Don't go showing it around too much it needs a bit of tweaking. I've got to head out to lunch...early lunch. You can just show yourself out. [pauses] It's a self preservation thing...you see.
  • [walking away from Juliet and Peter's house after his visit] Enough. Enough now.

[edit] Others

  • Juliet: We've never got friendly. I just wanted to say I hope that can change. I'm nice, I really am, apart from my terrible taste in pie. And it would be great if we could be friends.
  • Karl: Life is full of interruptions and complications.
  • Mia: I'll just be hanging round the mistletoe, hoping to be kissed.
  • Sarah: [on phone] Hello, babe. No, I'm not busy, no - fire away.
  • The President of the U.S.: I'll give you anything you ask for - as long as it's not something I don't want to give.
  • Harry: [to Rufus the gift-wrapper] NO! No bloody holly!

[edit] Dialogue

Billy Mack: [about his new song] This is shit, isn't it?
Joe: [gleefully] Yep, solid gold shit, maestro.
Parky: This must be a very exciting moment for you, fighting for the Christmas number one. How's it looking so far?
Billy Mack: Very bad indeed. Blue are outselling me five to one. But I'm hoping for a late surge. And if I reach number one, I promise to sing the song stark naked on TV on Christmas Eve.
Parky: Do you mean that?
Billy Mack: Well of course I mean it. Do you want a preview? You old flirt.
[stands in front of Parky and flashes at him]
Parky: That'll never make number one!
Daniel: [knocks on Sam's door] Sam, time for dinner.
Sam: I'm not hungry.
Daniel: Sam... I've done chicken kebabs!
Sam: Didn't you see the sign on the door?
[He starts practising his drums; Daniel leans back and sees the sign, which says, "I SAID - I'M NOT HUNGRY"]
Daniel: Okay...
Daniel: So what's the problem, Sammy-o? Is it just Mum or is it something else? Maybe... school - are you being bullied? Or is it something worse? Can you give me any clues at all?
Sam: You really want to know?
Daniel: I really want to know.
Sam: Even though you won't be able to do anything to help?
Daniel: Even if that's the case, yeah.
Sam: OK. The truth is actually... I'm in love.
Daniel: Sorry?
Sam: I know I should be thinking about Mum all the time, and I am. But the truth is I'm in love and I was before she died, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Daniel: Aren't you a bit young to be in love?
Sam: No.
Daniel: Oh, OK, right. Well, I'm a little relieved.
Sam: Why?
Daniel: Well, you know - I thought it might be something worse.
Sam: [incredulous] Worse than the total agony of being in love?
Daniel: Oh. No, you're right. Yeah, total agony.
...
Daniel: Option One: ask her out.
Sam: Impossible.
Daniel: Fair enough. Option Two: become her friend.
Sam: She's the most popular girl in school and she hates boys.
Daniel: Okay. Option Three: kidnap her and keep her tied up in your room until she agrees to marry you.
Sam: It's a route I've considered.
Daniel: And quite rightly rejected on the grounds of...
Sam: Hygiene.
...
Daniel: All right, we can definitely crack this. I was a kid once too, remember. Now, it's someone at school?
Sam: Yes.
Daniel: Good, good. And how does she… or he… feel about you?
Sam: She doesn't even know my name. And even if she did, she'd despise me. She's the coolest girl in school and everyone worships her because she's heaven.
Daniel: Hmmm...
[sits on the couch next to Sam]
Daniel: Well... [grins] Basically, you're fucked, aren't you?
Sam: Daniel, I have a plan!
Daniel: Thank the Lord! Tell me.
Sam: Well, girls love musicians, don't they?
Daniel: Uh-huh.
Sam: Even the really weird ones get girlfriends.
Daniel: That's right. Meatloaf definitely got laid at least once. For God's sake, Ringo Starr married a Bond girl!
Sam: [looks at him strangely] Whatever. There's a big concert at the end of the term, and Joanna's going to be in it. I thought, if I was in the concert, and played really, really well, there's a chance she might fall in love with me. What do you think?
Daniel: I think it's brilliant! It's stellar! Uh, apart from the one little, obvious, tiny, little baby hiccup...
Sam: That I don't play a musical instrument.
Daniel: Yessir.
Sam: A tiny, insignificant detail.
Daniel: You know, Sammy, I'm sure she's unique and extraordinary, but... the general wisdom is that, in the end, there isn't just one person for each of us.
Sam: [referring to the Titanic film] There was for Kate and Leo. There was for you. There is for me.
[Holds up one finger]
Sam: She's "the one".
Daniel: Fair enough.
Harry: Tell me, exactly, how long it is that you've been working here?
Sarah: Two years, seven months, three days and, I suppose, what, two hours?
Harry: And how long have you been in love with Karl, our enigmatic chief designer?
Sarah: Ahm, two years, seven months, three days and, I suppose, an hour and thirty minutes.
Harry: I thought as much.
Sarah: Do you think everybody knows?
Harry: Yes.
Sarah: Do you think Karl knows?
Harry: Yes.
Sarah: Oh that is bad news.
Harry: Well I just thought maybe the time had come to do something about it.
Sarah: Like what?
Harry: Invite him out for a drink and then after about twenty minutes casually drop into the conversation the fact that you'd like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies.
Sarah: You know that?
Harry: Yes. And so does Karl. Think about it. For all our sakes. It's Christmas.
Sarah: Certainly. Excellent. Will do. Thanks, boss.
Karen: Loitering around the jewellery counter, I see!
Harry: No. I was just looking around.
Karen: Don't worry, my expectations are not that high after 13 years of Mr. "Oh-but-you-always-LOVE-scarves"!
Sarah: [about Peter] Do you love him?
Mark: What?
Sarah: I just thought I'd ask the blunt question in case it was the right one and you needed someone to talk to about it.
Karen: So what's this big news, then?
Daisy: [excited] We've been given our parts in the nativity play. And I'm the lobster.
Karen: The lobster?
Daisy: Yeah!
Karen: In the nativity play?
Daisy: [beaming] Yeah, first lobster.
Karen: There was more than one lobster present at the birth of Jesus?
Daisy: Duh.
Dec: Billy, I believe you've brought a prize for our competition winners.
Billy Mack: Yes I have, Ant or Dec. It's a personalized felt tip pen.
[The new Prime Minister has just arrived in Number Ten Downing Street]
Annie: Would you like to meet your household staff?
Prime Minister: Yes, I would like that very much indeed. Anything to put off actually running the country.
Natalie: [meeting the Prime Minister] Hello, David. I mean "sir". Shit, I can't believe I've just said that. Oh, and now I've gone and said "shit" - twice. I'm so sorry, sir.
Prime Minister: It's fine, it's fine. You could've said "fuck", and then we'd have been in real trouble.
Natalie: Thank you, sir. I did have an awful premonition that I was going to fuck up on the first day. Oh, piss-it!
Annie: Right, I'll just go get my things, and then let's fix the country, shall we?
Prime Minister: Yeah, I can't see why not.
Prime Minister: I'm not so sure politics and dating really go together.
The President: Really? I never found that.
Prime Minister: Yes, well, the difference is that you're sickeningly handsome whereas I look increasingly like my Aunt Mildred.
Press Conference Reporter: Mr. President, has it been a good visit?
The President of the U.S.: Very satisfactory indeed. We got what we came for and our special relationship is still very special.
Press Conference Reporter: Prime Minister?
Prime Minister: I love that word "relationship". Covers all manner of sins, doesn't it? I fear that this has become a bad relationship. A relationship based on the President taking exactly what he wants and casually ignoring all those things that really matter to, erm... Britain. We may be a small country but we're a great one, too. The country of Shakespeare, Churchill, the Beatles, Sean Connery, Harry Potter. David Beckham's right foot. David Beckham's left foot, come to that. And a friend who bullies us is no longer a friend. And since bullies only respond to strength, from now onward, I will be prepared to be much stronger. And the President should be prepared for that.
Jamie: Ah, bonjour Eleonore.
Eleonore: Bonjour, Monsieur Bennett. Welcome back and this year you bring a lady guest?
Jamie: Uh, no, there's a change of situation. It's just me.
Eleonore: Oh. Am I sad or not sad?
Jamie: Well, I think you're not surprised.
Eleonore: This is Aurelia
Jamie: Ah. Uh, bonjour, Aurelia.
Aurelia: Bonjour.
Jamie: (speaks broken French)
Eleonore: Uh, unfortunately she cannot speak French, just like you.
Jamie: It's my favorite time of day, driving you.
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] It is the saddest part of my day, leaving you.
Natalie: [talking about her ex-boyfriend] He says no one's going to fancy a girl with thighs the size of big tree trunks. Not a nice guy, actually, in the end.
Prime Minister: Right. Goodness. Well, well. You know, being Prime Minister, I could just have him murdered.
Natalie: Thank you, sir. I'll think about it.
Prime Minister: Do. The SAS are absolutely charming. Ruthless trained killers are just a phone call away.
Mikey, DJ interviewer: Well. Thanks for that, Bill.
Billy Mack: For what?
Mikey, DJ interviewer: Well, for actually giving a real answer to a question. Doesn't often happen here on "Radio Watford" I can tell you.
Billy Mack: Ask me anything you like, I'll tell you the truth.
Mikey, DJ interviewer: Uh... best shag you've ever had?
Billy Mack: Britney Spears.
Mikey, DJ interviewer: Wow!
Billy Mack: No, only kidding. She was rubbish.
[Aurelia jumps into the lake with hardly any clothes on to save Jamie's book, which has blown in]
Jamie: Oh God, she's in. And now she'll think I'm a total spaz if I don't go in too.
[takes off his sweater]
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] Fuck. It's cold.
[Jamie falls in]
Jamie: Fuck. It's freezing! Fuck!
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] This stuff better be good.
Jamie: It's not worth it you know, this isn't bloody Shakespeare.
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] I don't want to drown saving some shit my grandmother could have written.
Jamie: Just stop, stop.
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] What kind of idiot doesn't make copies?
Jamie: I really must do copies.
[pause]
Jamie: You know, there'd better not be eels in here. I can't stand eels.
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] Try not to disturb the eels.
Jamie: [screams in shock because of the eels] Oh God, what the hell is that?
Radio DJ: [on the phone] Hi, Billy!
Billy Mack: Hello.
Radio DJ: We're live across the country, and you're number one!
[Billy laughs]
Radio DJ: How will you be celebrating?
Billy Mack: I don't know. Uh, either I could behave like a real rock-and-roll loser, and get drunk with my fat manager, or when I hang up I'll be bombarded with invitations to a large number of glamorous parties.
Radio DJ: Let's hope it's the second, Billy. And here it is again, Number One by Billy Mack, it's "Christmas Is All Around."
Billy Mack: Oh, Jesus, not that crap again! [laughs]
Billy Mack: I realized that Christmas is the time to be with the people you love.
Joe: Right.
Billy Mack: And I realized that as dire chance and fateful cockup would have it, here I am, mid 50s, and without knowing it I've gone and spent most of my adult life with a chubby employee. And much as it grieves me to say it, it might be that the people I love is, in fact... you.
[pause]
Joe: Well, this is a surprise.
Billy Mack: Yeah...
Joe: Ten minutes at Elton John's and you're as gay as a maypole.
[The Prime Minister is knocking on doors to find Natalie]
Harris Street old lady: Aren't you the Prime Minister?
Prime Minister: Yes, in fact, I am. Merry Christmas. Part of the service, now. Trying to get round to everyone by New Year's Eve.
Prime Minister: Hello, does Natalie live here?
Harris Street little girl: No she doesn't.
Prime Minister: Oh dear. OK.
Harris Street little girl: Are you singing carols?
Prime Minister: Er, no. No, I'm not.
Harris Street little girls: Please, sir, please. Please.
Prime Minister: Well, I suppose I could.
Harris Street little girl: Please.
Prime Minister: All right.
[pause]
Prime Minister, PM's chauffeur, Terry: [singing] Good King Wenceslas looked out, on the Feast of Stephen / When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even / Brightly shone the moon that night, though the frost was cruel / When a poor man came in sight, gathering winter fuel.
[Little girl and her friends dance and cheer]
Prime Minister, PM's chauffeur, Terry: Thank you. Merry Christmas.
[Girl shuts door]
Prime Minister: Ah, hello. Is, er, Natalie in?
Natalie: [coming down stairs] Where the fuck is my fucking coat?
[sees Prime Minister]
Natalie: Oh, hello.
Prime Minister: Hello.
Prime Minister: [having just been exposed kissing Natalie on a school stage during a student concert in front of hundreds of children and parents] Right. So, not quite as secret as we'd hoped.
Natalie: Right. What should we do?
Prime Minister: Smile. Give a little bow. Wave.
Daniel: And I'm afraid there's something really wrong, you know. I mean, clearly it's about his mum, but Christ, he might be injecting heroin into his eyeballs for all I know.
Karen: At the age of eleven?
Daniel: Maybe not his eyeballs, then. Maybe just his veins.
Karen: Tell me, what would you do in my position?
Harry: What position is that?
Karen: Imagine your husband bought a gold necklace and come Christmas gave it to somebody else...
Harry: Oh, Karen...
Karen: Would you wait around to find out if it's just a necklace, or if it's sex and a necklace, or if worst of all it's a necklace and love? Would you stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run?
Harry: Oh, God. I am so in the wrong. The classic fool.
Karen: [voice breaking] Yes, but you've also made a fool out of me, and you've made the life I lead foolish too.
Stacey, American Dreamgirl: [points to beer bottle] How do you say this one?
Colin: [in a thick accent] Uh, Bottle.
Stacey, American Dreamgirl, Jeannie, American Angel, Carol-Anne, American Goddess: [giggling, mimicking accent] BOHT-el!
Jeannie, American Angel: [points to straw] How 'bout this?
Colin: [in a thick accent] Straw.
Stacey, American Dreamgirl, Jeannie, American Angel, Carol-Anne, American Goddess': [mimicking accent] Strohw!
Carol-Anne, American Goddess: [points to table] And this?
Colin: Table.
Stacey, American Dreamgirl, Jeannie, American Angel, Carol-Anne, American Goddess: [starting to repeat] Tab - Oh, the same. It's the same.
[Colin nods apologetically]
[At the altar, just before Peter is married]
Peter: No surprises?
Mark: No surprises.
Peter: Not like the stag night?
Mark: Unlike the stag night.
Peter: Do you admit the Brazilian prostitutes were a mistake?
Mark: I do.
Peter: And it would have been much better if they'd not turned out to be men?
Mark: That is true.
John: So, what do you reckon to our new Prime Minister, then?
Judy: I like him. Can't understand why he's not married, though.
John: Oh, you know the type. Married to his job. Either that or gay as a picnic basket.
Sam: By the way, I feel bad. I never asked you how your love life is going.
Daniel: [mock chuckles] No. As you know, that was a done deal long ago. Unless, of course, Claudia Schiffer calls, in which case I want you out of the house straight away, you wee motherless mongrel.
Sam: Oh?
Daniel: No, no, we'll want to have sex in every room. Including yours.
Colin: [after insulting the food] And what do you do Nancy?
Nancy the caterer: I'm a cook.
Colin: Ever do weddings?
Nancy the caterer: Yes I do.
Colin: They should have asked you to do this one.
Nancy the caterer: They did.
Colin: God, I wish you hadn't turned it down.
Nancy the caterer: I didn't.
Jamie: [In Portuguese] Good evening.
Mr. Barros: Yes?
Jamie: I am here to ask your daughter for her hands in marriage.
Mr. Barros: You want to marry my daughter?
Jamie: Yes.
Mr. Barros: [to someone in the back of the house] Come here, there is a man at the door. He wants to marry you.
Sophia Barros: [a large and confused women emerges] But I've never seen him before.
Mr. Barros: Who cares?
Sophia Barros: You're going to sell me to a complete stranger?
Mr. Barros: Sell? Who said 'sell'? I'll pay him.
Jamie: Pardon me. I'm meaning your other daughter - Aurelia.
Jamie: [in Portuguese] Beautiful Aurelia, I've come here with a view of asking you to marriage me. I know I seems an insane person - because I hardly knows you - but sometimes things are so transparency, they don't need evidential proof. And I will inhabit here, or you can inhabit with me in England.
Sophia Barros: Definitely go for England, girl. You'll meet Prince William - then you can marry him instead.
Jamie: You learned English?
Aurelia: Just in cases.
[Natalie runs up to the Prime Minister at the airport and leaps into his arms]
Prime Minister: God, you weigh a lot!
Natalie: Oh, shut your face!
[Aurelia meets Juliet, Mark, and Peter in the airport]
Aurelia: Jaime's friends are so good looking! He never tells me this. I think now, maybe I make the wrong choice, pick wrong Englishman?
Jamie: She can't speak English properly, she doesn't know what she's saying.

[edit] Taglines

  • Coming soon actually.
  • The ultimate romantic comedy.
  • Very romantic. Very comedy.
  • All You Need Is Love
  • It's All About Love... Actually.

[edit] Cast

[edit] External links

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