Malcolm Tucker
(On hearing that part of the immigration database has been erased...) "Oh...d'you know what. What's really fucking sad here is that I don't even have the energy to pretend I already knew. Which is for the best because I'm going to need all my fucking energy to fucking to rip all of your...bodies to bits with ma bare hands and sell off, yeah sell off your fucking flayed skin as a sleeping bag...to a fucking normal person!"
(To Ollie and Glenn) "Right...Pinky and fucking Perky listen; this, fourth sector thing, right, is fucking mad. She's mad - she's like Tom Cruise's favourite fucking brush...but the great thing about it is, it's free. So you two; I want you to rub your fucking dicks together and get some fucking energy going in here...I don't care whether you inject yourselves with stem cells or put cocaine in your fucking Fruit Corners - just get on with something."
(Warning Phil, assistant to shadow DOSAC minister, against leaking information to the press) "Now get this into the noggin, right...you breathe a word of this, to anyone, you mincing fucking CUNT, and I will tear your fucking skin off...I will wear it to your mother's birthday party and I will rub your nuts up and down her leg whilst whistling Bohemian fucking Rhapsody alright?"
(Nicola threatens to resign...) "You resign now; you'll be up there with the fucking shaggers. And expenses fiddlers, and the guys who asphyxiate themselves having a wank in a Travelodge."
